- human young will turn anything into a weapon to mock battle their peers, broom sticks, straws, even their food
- when in large groups human young will display games of mock hunts against each other. The two most common being “tag” where one young will try to catch the other young acting as prey, and “mob” where all of the young will try to catch a single young who acts as the prey. This suggests an instinctive ability for both pack and solo hunting
- human young will often hone their stalking and hunting skills by hiding or attempting to sneak up on others and pouncing with loud sounds meant to intimidate and frighten. This is considered amusing for the attacker and victim
- adult humans will often mock attack their young with their hands or objects to train the young to protect their vital areas and avoid injury. The young find this amusing and will quickly learn to train each other in this manner
- young humans will often attack and attach themselves to an older human’s legs, arms, or back, hanging on despite being dragged or carried while the adult human walks away. Both humans seems to find the experience entertaining
- young humans are extremely territorial and will attempt to drive off others from food, toys, and areas they have claimed as theirs with physical and verbal attacks. Fortunately, most adult humans actively try to train this behavior out, insisting the young come to an agreement or share resources and territory.
- young humans constantly search for new territory, dens, and resources. They will climb trees, shelving, anything they can reach. They will climb under and behind things. If there are no suitable hiding areas they will construct them out of blankets and cushions or any other available item.
- young humans display a strong pack instinct, quickly forming social groups and defending their group against other groups. Often they will split their own group in order to mock battle each other in contests
- HUMAN YOUNG WILL BITE IF DISTRESSED OR ANGRY AND EMIT LOUD NOISES THAT CALL MATURE HUMANS TO AID THEM
- human young will beg for domesticated carnivores as companions, and if gifted with one will pack bond with it to an extreme point.
- human young will carry a toy and try to protect and nurture it as if the toy was their own young
- human young require constant stimulation in the form of games or information. They will constantly question things and can spend extraordinary amounts of time asking “why”, often while poking the subject in question
- human young will try to eat anything at least once. Anything. If it will fit into their mouth they will attempt to eat it. If it will not fit into their mouth they will lick it.
-human young will voluntarily deprive themselves of oxygen to the point of unconsciousness in an attempt to trigger protective instincts in older humans so they get their way
- human young display great interest in mimicry, often dressing up as different professions, species, and objects. They also display great skill in mimicking the calls and body language of other species. *Example: one human young had me quite concerned there was another Treawalbil in distress and I searched for quite some time before I discovered that the young was mimicking a Treawalbil distress trill with complete accuracy. *Second Example: Human young have begun to wear wear “hats” with artificial crests similar to a Treawalbil and some have begun painting colorful patterns to their arms in imitation of our camouflage.
- human young communicate constantly and spread information quickly not only among their own social group but other social groups as well. *Example: The human young who mimicked a Treawalbil distress trill taught their social group and soon I was surrounded by human young calling out in distress. This caused the Treawalbil researchers much anxiety so the adult humans suggested teaching the young other calls. The human young learned enough for basic communication at an astonishing rate, but then other social groups we had not taught began using the same calls as well. Even adult humans began using the calls to communicate with us without translators.
-Young humans will gift beings and creatures they believe to be in their social group with handmade objects, interesting specimens they have collected, or food. Strangely enough, a being does not have to be human in order to belong to a human’s social group.
I think humans will definitely be studied upon by mind-reading aliens. It’s just that we think in so many different ways! There are people who think logically, and those who are more emotional. People who narrate their everyday life, while others think in pictures and scenarios.
I’ve heard of people thinking in colors, people thinking in quotes and memes. Personally, my everyday life is thought in song.
Wouldn’t it be interesting? All the different ways of thinking?
How our mind works would probably become two studies, one about morals and all the philosophical stuff and the other would be why we think in such different ways.
Now have a fun little scenario!
~~~
Mind reading alien - *Is found crying on the floor*
Alien 2 - “What is wrong MRA?”
MRA - *mumbles* “I thought we got a normal one. I thought we got a normal one. I thought we got a normal one.”
Alien 2 - “What did you think we got normal?”
MRA - *Sobs harder* “A normal human!”
Alien 2 - “Well, she is quite normal for her species.”
MRA - “She has been singing the same song about killing a creature of her own species for over 3 human hours!”
Alien 2 - “But I do not hear anything.”
MRA - “She’s been doing it in her head!”
~~~
Glad you asked! (couldn’t find your blog post so I opted to screenshot your reblog)
I would say said alien would just be frozen. Just stands there, dazed. Kinda like when you zone out but worse in a good way. You can bring the alien back by touch but most humans have to go through a screening to see what type of thinker they are so the mind-reading aliens won’t spend a bunch of time being frozen.
Speaking of the screening, I like to think that some humans will purposely change their tag to see the alien zone out or to bluff. Like, if pirates came just saying ‘visual thinker’ & 'horror movies’ is probably enough to deter any alien from entering your mind.
SPEAKING OF MOVIES!
I, 1000% believe that people will capitalise off visual thinkers making stories in their heads. Like they visualise their entire story in their head and people just watch. This not only helps with the story building for the person visualising but is probably entertaining for the aliens as there are a lot of different concepts and ideas that they might not have thought of.
The best thing would be the night time visualisations, aka, DREAMS~
Is it going to be scary? Is it going to mundane everyday work? (Which is probably not mundane for aliens tbh) Is it going to be a whole ass story with a confusing plot and a cliffhanger at the end that drives you mad because you’ll never know what happens after the story because it’s just a dream? WHO KNOWS! It’s a frigging lottery!
You’ve probably seen the various Humans Are Space Orcs posts that point out how many things (plants especially) that are toxic or straight up poison to most other species. In small amounts, those poisons are delicious to us! Yay! Too much will still make you sick though.
But you know what’s really bonkers? How we just KNOW what things are salad and which are the “just a little bit” plants, of the things we’ve always identified. Meaning, yeah you’ll sit down to a spiniach salad no problem every day, but when presented with a big bowl of fresh rosemary would you just tuck in? You would not. Same if the bowl was just peppercorns, or coffee cherries, or chocolate beans.
Alien: Yikes, that plant is reading as toxic.
Human: Nah, it’s fine. A little chili pepper is great! (Eats a small amount)
Alien: Good to know!
(later at the alien dinner party, Human is presented with a plate of just chili peppers)
Well, if we have a tourism industry in space, why not a food one?
Due to the fact we are humans, we can eat a lot things animals can’t eat, so I imagine that we would have access to a lot of different types of foods.
It would be free trading for the aliens if they can’t eat the fruit/veg and it would be exciting for all the foodies out there!
People might take up poison resistance via intake of poisons just to show off that they can eat a certain food or so they can see if an alien was right about a fruit/veg taste! I mean, if I fruit was as tasty as an alien told us it would be, who wouldn’t?
What if, when your 18 or 12, Idk, you get to pick of fruit you want to be able to eat despite it being poisonous? It would be like choosing a elective/college degree!
~~~
“Hey, what food did you pick?”
“I got the Kuramazui, you know the one that’s like a lemon but it’s pink on the outside and is sweet on the inside?”
“Lucky! By the time I registered, it was all filled up! I picked Bangotango! It seems to be the closest to my tastes other than the Kuramazui.”
Aliens would probably look at us at concern because humans are willing to poison themselves so they can eat food.
Is it just me or do random urges to do things come out of nowhere?
Like, wanting to glomp a nearby friend or singing a random tune?
I mean, just today, I got a hold of a hockey stick and I had the strongest urge to whack some in the head with it and see how far I could yeet them.
Though aliens could just put these urges down in behavioural adaptations, it still wouldn’t make too much sense as behavioural adaptations are usually developed to help the specices survive and jumping out a window certainly would be more detrimental than beneficial.
—
Human - I really want to eat the dirt.
Alien - Human, the soil of this planet is highly toxic for your specices-
Human - But it looks like sherbet!
Alien - No, we must depart now. *Grabs human by the space suit*
Human - *glares at ground* Stupid forbidden sherbet.
—
Human - Who wants to dare me to throw my bag off a balcony?
Alien - Why would you ask someone to throw your supply carrier? It not only contains important materials and equipment but it could severely injure a person.
Human - Cause I want an excuse to do it.
Alien - Why?!
Human - Cause I feel like it.
—
Human - *Hugs other human*
Alien - Human, why did you engage in the ritual you call ‘Hugging’ so spontanously?
Human - I don’t know. Just felt like it.
—
Human - I want to just collaspe down the stairs.
Aliens - ??? Human that would cause more harm than benefit.
The death worlders are strange. The first thing you would note is that they are very friendly despite their death worlder nature. They are not apex predators, yet they thrive in their world.
What’s more to note is how much humans use the organ heart. They use strange shapes to represent it though those shapes look nothing like the human heart.
They use phrases like, “golden heart”, “good at heart”, “don’t take those words to heart”. Words that first confused me. It was not possible for a heart to be “made of gold”, it was not possible to physically take words to your heart. I got immediately concerned when a human said that they, “felt a hole in their heart.” I was later told that they meant a human felt like they were missing something.
Humans seem to see the heart as the center of their being, not the brain. They see it as who they are.
Does the thing they call, “a soul” reside there?
I asked the humans that had pack bonded with me and they laughed.
They told me no, but it was often where they felt like they had one.
The idea of stories is really interesting. Us humans used it as a way to explain things we didn’t know and so did other species. But unlike aliens, we clung onto fantasy.
Aliens gave up the wonderful tales to become rational, logical. What was the point of imagination if you already knew your limits?
But we and a handful of others dreamed. Of new worlds and new people. Of things of the past that never happened and moments of the future that might. We dreamed up creatures of catastrophe, monsters that could destroy universes and animals that were heartwarming and helped us live our life.
And because we dream, we became the most curious species of the Milky way.
I think humans will definitely be studied upon by mind-reading aliens. It’s just that we think in so many different ways! There are people who think logically, and those who are more emotional. People who narrate their everyday life, while others think in pictures and scenarios.
I’ve heard of people thinking in colors, people thinking in quotes and memes. Personally, my everyday life is thought in song.
Wouldn’t it be interesting? All the different ways of thinking?
How our mind works would probably become two studies, one about morals and all the philosophical stuff and the other would be why we think in such different ways.
Now have a fun little scenario!
~~~
Mind reading alien - *Is found crying on the floor*
Alien 2 - “What is wrong MRA?”
MRA - *mumbles* “I thought we got a normal one. I thought we got a normal one. I thought we got a normal one.”
Alien 2 - “What did you think we got normal?”
MRA - *Sobs harder* “A normal human!”
Alien 2 - “Well, she is quite normal for her species.”
MRA - “She has been singing the same song about killing a creature of her own species for over 3 human hours!”
Alien 2 - “But I do not hear anything.”
MRA - “She’s been doing it in her head!”
~~~
Glad you asked! (couldn’t find your blog post so I opted to screenshot your reblog)
I would say said alien would just be frozen. Just stands there, dazed. Kinda like when you zone out but worse in a good way. You can bring the alien back by touch but most humans have to go through a screening to see what type of thinker they are so the mind-reading aliens won’t spend a bunch of time being frozen.
Speaking of the screening, I like to think that some humans will purposely change their tag to see the alien zone out or to bluff. Like, if pirates came just saying ‘visual thinker’ & 'horror movies’ is probably enough to deter any alien from entering your mind.
SPEAKING OF MOVIES!
I, 1000% believe that people will capitalise off visual thinkers making stories in their heads. Like they visualise their entire story in their head and people just watch. This not only helps with the story building for the person visualising but is probably entertaining for the aliens as there are a lot of different concepts and ideas that they might not have thought of.
The best thing would be the night time visualisations, aka, DREAMS~
Is it going to be scary? Is it going to mundane everyday work? (Which is probably not mundane for aliens tbh) Is it going to be a whole ass story with a confusing plot and a cliffhanger at the end that drives you mad because you’ll never know what happens after the story because it’s just a dream? WHO KNOWS! It’s a frigging lottery!
Humans can just walk something to death, how would aliens wrap their head around that space orc and death worlds feature.
“How will we catch up with the marauders, friend human?”
“Easy. They’ll get tired. Eventually.”
“Friend human, you may have died of old age twice over by then!”
“It’s okay. One of my kids can take over for me.”
“You… What? Your childrenwould continue the hunt?”
“Probably. And their kids after them. Please make sure they don’t get too obsessed, though. We humans can get weirdly caught up in our blood feuds.”
*horrified silence*
“Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of a blood feud.”
*alien hyperventilating*
other species watching “the princess bride” as a horror movie, and Inigo is the monster
So, if I had to point out the best confluence of space-orc traits we have, it would be:
Above-water
Heavier than air/non-flying
Arboreal
Neotenous/long-learning
Long-range
Omnivorous
Pack-hunting
Non-apex
Persistence hunters
I imagine many species have a few of those things, particularly the ones that make it to space. But all of them?
I think the thing that should be particularly unnerving for others is an intuition for ballistic/parabolic motion. The ability to plot gravity-affected/assisted courses without relying completely on computers, or to “eyeball” weapons trajectories, is a skill that would never occur to or evolve in species that live in more turbulent fluids or for whom buoyancy is a major predictor of motion. The fact that we use projectiles is an artifact of the musculature inherited from our arboreal ancestors. Throwing things is likely rare, among the space-faring.
Our language, likewise, should frighten our star-spanning friends. We don’t “admit and remember unimportance” for an unresolved conflict of opinion, we “let it go.” (“What are you allowing to escape?” “Oh, that’s an intuitive metaphor for anything that we want, but decide not to devote ourselves permanently to obtaining.” “You, uh, you needed a word for that?”) We don’t avail ourselves of opportunities, we “pursue” them. Tracking is what we do.
The non-apex thing is also great because apex predators don’t have a concept of fighting for their lives with no restraint or compassion. They may ambush something and kill it, but the idea of an adrenaline hazed threat-assessment, or of self-sacrifice to destroy something dangerous to our fellows, should be deeply counterintuitive. The notion of a suicide mission/kamikaze strategy should haunt our star-friends. That is not how apex predators think. (“If you have predators, how did you develop the time to devote to leisure and invention?” “Oh, our predators aren’t really a problem. We either barricaded or oxidized every environment they could easily inhabit, and now we mostly pity them. We have to take special care not to accidentally drive them extinct. Nothing that hunted us is still doing okay, except for wolves, whom we befriended. So, uh, are we still gonna trade star-maps, or what? We’d love to know where you guys come from.”)
Even words like “drive” which we use interchangeably with “pilot (verb),” derive from making something afraid of you in order to strategically maneuver it where you want it. Neither herbivores nor ambush predators think that way.
And our persistence-hunting absolutely shines through in our physique. It’s not just a rare, risky strategy in nature, it’s what we’re deeply specialized for. We jettisoned any protective covering, any insulation that didn’t double as calorie-storage, spinal alignment, and safe reproduction, all so that we could become these water-cooled, absurdly overclocked, unshakable guarantors of death. We’re the thing from It Follows. I cannot stress enough how rare that strategy is because of how risky it is, unless it’s the only thing you double down on.
Anyway, that’s my list of traits I think would be rare with in combination that it could justify the basis of a space-orc story.
This sparks me to think also of the massive multiple redundancies of humans, and the way we can potentially sew parts of ourselves back on and they work again, and sometimes one human can swap a really important vital organ into another which has to seem weird.
And I’m imagining fleet design like, these huge but relatively slow ships with engines designed to run forever. They’ve been getting designed and re-designed so much that their ships have redundancies that operators literally don’t know about. I’m going to go ahead and steal from Philip Palmer and suggest they’re big and slow enough that tech is independently evolving on the ships, which have parts that can be swapped out or added onto.
It’s just infuriating because someone leaves one of these things in a way that ought to be dead, and three months later it’s pulling in behind them while actively being repaired, like a nightmare ghost ship.
At which point it disgorges this small fleet of short range fighters which are completely manually and mechanically piloted with unbelievably reckless pack hunting strategies up to and including physically latching onto another ship and pushing it around.
“Human, I do not understand. This vessel in no way should function. The safety measures alone shouldn’t even allow the reactor to start.”
“Oh we bypassed those.”
“You… bypassed? The safety measures… on the reactor?”
“Well, not just the reactor.”
You’d think with eight of ten engines taken out and the reactor blown, shields gone, navigation out, half the hull melted off that would just about be over. That’s before one of the six backup generators kicked in just long enough to salvage working engines and parts, build a blast shield, and use a star chart to launch the human ship in pursuit via one overloaded reactor explosion.
“Well, now we’re moving, let’s see what else we can fix.”
“Are you sure we can catch them, friend human?”
They just smile.
Other species have refined engine and reactor science down to a precise art. Their vessels are swifter than starlight, and maneuverable as thought. Humanity has not done this. The reactors on human vessels use relatively primitive fusion drives, and their agility is nothing to write home about. Until something goes wrong.
Those artful and precise alien engines shut down if you slap them wrong, and have layers of safety measures to make sure they don’t start up until you’ve corrected the problems that might lead to the whole ship collapsing into a (very brief) singularity. Meanwhile human engines just keep running, and in some recorded cases, failed components, and even damaged sections of the hull have been fed into the fusion drives as acceptable, if inefficient fuel.
In one famous case, a human starship that had the entire command section blown away before being left as functionally dead recovered the debris of the front half of their ship, and fed it to the rear half as fuel and spare parts to make it back to the flotilla for more thorough repairs.
It isn’t uncommon, but still persistently distressing to most species, to take a tour through the engineering section of most human spacecraft and be left some combination of baffled, impressed, and horrified.
This is not confined to just a select few vessels either.
M'intalik Scuta remembered the commissioning tour of the human corvette class Victorinox not long ago and was impressed with the sleek stylings of both the exterior hull and the interior design. Everything was sterile and sparkling new, giving no hint of the complex wiring, venting, and other mechanical workings hidden behind clean, polished panels that were practically seemless.
The engineering bays were marvelous in their own right with refined panels of controls and displays neatly arranged in arrays that were sensible to any species, regardless of neurological composition.
Two tours of combat later and M'intalik was nearly brought to tears, or some complementary emotion. The outer hull was spattered with a patchwork of scrap, both reclaimed from the Victorix itself or salvaged from its fallen foes. Some sections were entirely blown out, exposing whole quarters to the vaccuum of space.
Inside was even worse. Aside from the ramshackle condition of the ship being jarring, none of the humans, or even those non-humans that had time to acclimate (assimilate?) to their crewmates, seemed to even mind. The only functional lighting was the red glow of the emergency lights. Panels were missing more than not in all of the corridors. Some of them were welded over doorways and hatches with messages stenciled over them with irreverent tones such as “This Way To The Void.”
Wires and hoses were stripped out and reconnected. Some obviously used to patch broken lines, others seemingly attached to completely random circuits or hydraulic lines.
The engineering bays were completely stripped of any guards, shields, or panels. The pristine array of displays and controls were torn apart and in their place were a slapdash of hanging display modules that could barely show what they were reporting status one. Bundles of wiring were connected with scavenged toggle switches and dial components buried in the mess of of the circuitry. Computer boards were exposed to the open air, the harnesses holding most of them in their neatly crafted nests were cut. Some of them weren’t even in the right area anymore. Everywhere, everywhere were labels with hastily scrawled notes.
Most curious to M'intalik though, as the raw shock subsided, was the excessive presence of thick silver wires forming arches over where any number of sensors were supposed to be. Finally, stopping someone to ask what these bits were, the answer came.
“Oh, a lot of the sensors for the electrical are way too sensitive. We had to divert a lot of the climate control system’s energy to other parts of the ship and then everything started to complain about it being to hot or whatever. So we just used paperclips to jump the circuits over any of the more nuisance sensors.”
M'intalik paused for a moment, before asking “What is a ‘paperclip’?”
I found this thing on Facebook… and I fell down the Humans Are Weird hole yet again. (I first did before I even started my blog - Pinterest is sooo full of these posts! And I keep falling down it from time to time, when I discover something new)
To be fair, we abducted members of every new race. Abduct a small percentage of the population, expose them to some galactic prisoners, and we get a good idea of what germs, diseases, and viruses will make the jump between races. Do this over the course of a [roughly equivalent to a century], and you get a good idea of what there is, how quickly it mutates, etc. You also have the time to develop vaccines for any races that might be affected by the new race (including itself- we’re not heartless).
But we underestimated humans.
It was [roughly equivalent to four decades] into our testing of humanity. We picked up a human from his transport and placed him in a containment cell. He had some nutrients with him, and we picked that up too: less we had to feed him later.
But we underestimated the resourcefulness of humans.
Something went wrong- we think it was a door malfunction- and he escaped the cell. He disabled the guards easily (we suspect they were less alert than they should have been) and took their weapons. We locked all hatches, hoping to seal him in the laboratory wing. Unfortunately, he hacked the shipboard computer, gaining control of all systems. He made his way to the bridge, where he took the captain hostage. We offered him riches, technologies beyond human understanding.
But we underestimated the stubbornness of humans.
He was paid us no mind as he wrestled with the controls, as if on some quest. He punched numbers and figures into the console, and mumbled something about ‘being lit on fire’ by a superior. He set the ship down on the other side of the city from where he was picked up and opened the doors. We braced ourselves for a military confrontation, but it seemed like we were outside another human’s abode. He jumped out, carrying the nutrients with him.
We underestimated Domino’s 30-minute or free guarantee.
So I have been on a Humans Are Space Orks/Earth is Space Australia kick, and here are the results, my top three starting with my absolute fav Bright Stars!
I have been addicted to this fic sense I first read it, look in the comments and you’ll see I leave essay length reviews on nearly every chapter, lol.
⚠️ Most these feature sentiant beings in captivity, so keep an eye on the tags and warnings.
…
Bright Stars
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
There had been rumors of a human who wasn’t performing well in fighting rings, constantly ignoring their lesser opponents and trying to go after the very loud, very violent crowd instead.
or
Not only did Hizashi allow himself to be caught by the alien trafficking ring he and Shouta were trying to bring down, he was also stuck in a cell with a Deathworlder.
Izuku is a normal human kid… Okay, well, actually, he can’t say that! Only .009% of kids who apply to study in space at the battalion satellite actually get accepted, and even then, only one has ever gone missing! (It sucks that that one kid is Izuku.)
Humans are rare to see in the galaxy - but seeing a living being who’s seen a pissed off human before? Even rarer. Humans are monsters - some of the best fighters in the galaxy and some of the strongest will powers of all known creatures. To most, they seem stupid. Dumb as hell. They can’t even learn a language, can they?
1) Terrans are a new addition to the Intergalactic Sapients list
2) The HSPC has yet to establish proper contact since the unspoken incident
3) They are violent and dangerous.
So when he gets shoved into a cell with two students, the last thing he expects is for a Terran to be thrown in with them. Or for Terrans to be so… different to the stories.
Mmm first things first, Humans Are Space Orks Midoriya Izuku Edition has updated several times sense I first made this post, go check that out.
Second, I somehow missed recing a space ork fic my first time around, so here it is now, Accidental Human Acquisition, by Cittsah! The plot is very similar to How to Train Your Terran (or is it the other way around?) But it’s pretty good, and also features feral Mamadoriya in later chapters, which is always a treat. Unfortunately short, but well written and with an entertaining plot.
Accidental Human Acquisition
by Cittsah
Plot: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Writing: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Humans are a new addition to the Galactic Federations sentient species list. They had been around for thousands of years, but other denizens of space had only become acquainted in the past decade or so. The interactions have been rocky at best and not much is known about the species. They are rumored to be reclusive, violent, illogical, and reckless. An exhaustive list of every trait any sane sentient would want to avoid. So when Training Vessel 1-A, rather unconventionally, acquires a human of their very own no one knew what to think. Nothing could have prepared them for the whirlwind of chaos they now had among their ranks.
Last, I decided to add a rec that isn’t technically Humans Are Space Orks, but it is a space/alien AU, and it has Erasermic Fam, and Hitoshi is adorably kitten sized compared to his new adopted parents, which instantly absolves it of all sins. Plus, the author is my absolute favorite for non human AUs! This isn’t my favorite fic of theirs, but it’s still pretty good, and I highly recommend you take a look at all of Badum_tsh’s work too, because they are amazing!
You’re an Alien?
by Badum_Tsh
Plot: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Writing: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
It was just an average space storm. Until his lightning rod suddenly malfunctioned and his ship was sent careening to a nearby uninhabited planet. Luckily for him, he’s not the only alien on this horrible rock.
So I have been on a Humans Are Space Orks/Earth is Space Australia kick, and here are the results, my top three starting with my absolute fav Bright Stars!
I have been addicted to this fic sense I first read it, look in the comments and you’ll see I leave essay length reviews on nearly every chapter, lol.
⚠️ Most these feature sentiant beings in captivity, so keep an eye on the tags and warnings.
…
Bright Stars
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
There had been rumors of a human who wasn’t performing well in fighting rings, constantly ignoring their lesser opponents and trying to go after the very loud, very violent crowd instead.
or
Not only did Hizashi allow himself to be caught by the alien trafficking ring he and Shouta were trying to bring down, he was also stuck in a cell with a Deathworlder.
Izuku is a normal human kid… Okay, well, actually, he can’t say that! Only .009% of kids who apply to study in space at the battalion satellite actually get accepted, and even then, only one has ever gone missing! (It sucks that that one kid is Izuku.)
Humans are rare to see in the galaxy - but seeing a living being who’s seen a pissed off human before? Even rarer. Humans are monsters - some of the best fighters in the galaxy and some of the strongest will powers of all known creatures. To most, they seem stupid. Dumb as hell. They can’t even learn a language, can they?
1) Terrans are a new addition to the Intergalactic Sapients list
2) The HSPC has yet to establish proper contact since the unspoken incident
3) They are violent and dangerous.
So when he gets shoved into a cell with two students, the last thing he expects is for a Terran to be thrown in with them. Or for Terrans to be so… different to the stories.
Mmm first things first, Humans Are Space Orks Midoriya Izuku Edition has updated several times sense I first made this post, go check that out.
Second, I somehow missed recing a space ork fic my first time around, so here it is now, Accidental Human Acquisition, by Cittsah! The plot is very similar to How to Train Your Terran (or is it the other way around?) But it’s pretty good, and also features feral Mamadoriya in later chapters, which is always a treat. Unfortunately short, but well written and with an entertaining plot.
Accidental Human Acquisition
by Cittsah
Plot: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Writing: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Humans are a new addition to the Galactic Federations sentient species list. They had been around for thousands of years, but other denizens of space had only become acquainted in the past decade or so. The interactions have been rocky at best and not much is known about the species. They are rumored to be reclusive, violent, illogical, and reckless. An exhaustive list of every trait any sane sentient would want to avoid. So when Training Vessel 1-A, rather unconventionally, acquires a human of their very own no one knew what to think. Nothing could have prepared them for the whirlwind of chaos they now had among their ranks.
Last, I decided to add a rec that isn’t technically Humans Are Space Orks, but it is a space/alien AU, and it has Erasermic Fam, and Hitoshi is adorably kitten sized compared to his new adopted parents, which instantly absolves it of all sins. Plus, the author is my absolute favorite for non human AUs! This isn’t my favorite fic of theirs, but it’s still pretty good, and I highly recommend you take a look at all of Badum_tsh’s work too, because they are amazing!
You’re an Alien?
by Badum_Tsh
Plot: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Writing: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
It was just an average space storm. Until his lightning rod suddenly malfunctioned and his ship was sent careening to a nearby uninhabited planet. Luckily for him, he’s not the only alien on this horrible rock.
So I have been on a Humans Are Space Orks/Earth is Space Australia kick, and here are the results, my top three starting with my absolute fav Bright Stars!
I have been addicted to this fic sense I first read it, look in the comments and you’ll see I leave essay length reviews on nearly every chapter, lol.
⚠️ Most these feature sentiant beings in captivity, so keep an eye on the tags and warnings.
…
Bright Stars
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
There had been rumors of a human who wasn’t performing well in fighting rings, constantly ignoring their lesser opponents and trying to go after the very loud, very violent crowd instead.
or
Not only did Hizashi allow himself to be caught by the alien trafficking ring he and Shouta were trying to bring down, he was also stuck in a cell with a Deathworlder.
Izuku is a normal human kid… Okay, well, actually, he can’t say that! Only .009% of kids who apply to study in space at the battalion satellite actually get accepted, and even then, only one has ever gone missing! (It sucks that that one kid is Izuku.)
Humans are rare to see in the galaxy - but seeing a living being who’s seen a pissed off human before? Even rarer. Humans are monsters - some of the best fighters in the galaxy and some of the strongest will powers of all known creatures. To most, they seem stupid. Dumb as hell. They can’t even learn a language, can they?
1) Terrans are a new addition to the Intergalactic Sapients list
2) The HSPC has yet to establish proper contact since the unspoken incident
3) They are violent and dangerous.
So when he gets shoved into a cell with two students, the last thing he expects is for a Terran to be thrown in with them. Or for Terrans to be so… different to the stories.
Mmm first things first, Humans Are Space Orks Midoriya Izuku Edition has updated several times sense I first made this post, go check that out.
Second, I somehow missed recing a space ork fic my first time around, so here it is now, Accidental Human Acquisition, by Cittsah! The plot is very similar to How to Train Your Terran (or is it the other way around?) But it’s pretty good, and also features feral Mamadoriya in later chapters, which is always a treat. Unfortunately short, but well written and with an entertaining plot.
Accidental Human Acquisition
by Cittsah
Plot: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Writing: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Humans are a new addition to the Galactic Federations sentient species list. They had been around for thousands of years, but other denizens of space had only become acquainted in the past decade or so. The interactions have been rocky at best and not much is known about the species. They are rumored to be reclusive, violent, illogical, and reckless. An exhaustive list of every trait any sane sentient would want to avoid. So when Training Vessel 1-A, rather unconventionally, acquires a human of their very own no one knew what to think. Nothing could have prepared them for the whirlwind of chaos they now had among their ranks.
Last, I decided to add a rec that isn’t technically Humans Are Space Orks, but it is a space/alien AU, and it has Erasermic Fam, and Hitoshi is adorably kitten sized compared to his new adopted parents, which instantly absolves it of all sins. Plus, the author is my absolute favorite for non human AUs! This isn’t my favorite fic of theirs, but it’s still pretty good, and I highly recommend you take a look at all of Badum_tsh’s work too, because they are amazing!
You’re an Alien?
by Badum_Tsh
Plot: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Writing: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
It was just an average space storm. Until his lightning rod suddenly malfunctioned and his ship was sent careening to a nearby uninhabited planet. Luckily for him, he’s not the only alien on this horrible rock.
Thought about “Humans are space orcs/space fae”. There was a line talking about how theres a human working on a ship but no-ones entirely sure if they’re meant to be there, but they didn’t want to like offend the terrifying space orc.
What if the “drifter” archetype continues into space? Like maybe we negotiated for free travel with one of our allies, but because humans come from a death world and are terrfiying, and because humans can be oblivious, we just assume we can board on any ship going anywhere, nbd?
like not as stowaways. we’re not hiding. Like those wolves and wild dogs in russia that use the railways. Are YOU going to tell a wolf they shouldn’t be riding the train?!? Thought not.
Captain Diii did not become aware of the… problem until her ship was a full half-cycle out from the resupply station. She was halfway through a standard sweep of the ship, to be sure it was all in good order, when she came across a sort of cocoon constructed of light, sturdy fabric strung up in the end of service corridor alpha. It was not blocking access to anything of even minor importance, it simply was not meant to be there. It had no use she could discern, but it had no place aboard Captain Diii’s ship.
“What is the purpose of this?” Captain Diii asked the young technician assigned to the sector.
Their mood-spots cycled to anxiety-orange as their feet shuffled in discomfort. “The human called it her ‘hammock’ and said it would be out of the way there?”
A human. On Captain Diii’s ship. Her spots flashed from fear to anger to consternation and settled on worry. This had never before happened to her. She’d only been captain for two annuals, and she operated so far from any of the major travel hubs she had hoped she would not have to deal with this.
The problem had started after the war. The terrifying human ‘marines’ had been key to repelling the Kkoin invaders, with their wild recklessness and near-indestructibility. They had put an end to the war very quickly, and the terms of alliance in exchange for this service had been seen as extremely generous. They asked for transportation, mainly, since human FTL drives still lagged behind galactic standard. It had been assumed that by this they meant transporting goods and perhaps colonists by arrangement, but the wording had been ambiguous in translation.
That did happen, but in addition humans would simply… step onto ships going where they wanted to go. And stay. Who would dare contradict a human? Any one of them could turn deadly at a moment’s notice. Their hardiness and ferocity was legend. As of yet, no way of repelling them had been 100% effective. Their comfort range was massive, so keeping a ship hot or cold did not help. Scents designed to be maximally unpleasant to the human sensory array dissuaded some, but others would simply laugh and joke about them as they boarded anyway. It seemed they could acclimate to even the most noxious of scents within a few cycles.
Some humans would uproot their entire families and head for another planet, seemingly on a whim. Other humans would then go visit these families, and go back home, or not. Some humans traveled from planet to planet and station to station to satisfy their near-endless curiosity. Some traveled because to travel and see new things gave them pleasure, and then returned to their homes seemingly refreshed.
Such a strange species.
Captain Diii had been certain she had assigned someone to guard the ship and tell any hopeful humans that there was no space for them if they tried to board. Captain Diii did not have any facilities for humans aboard her ship. She hurried to the nearest communication pod and signaled for her second in command, Taa, to join her.
Taa already had anxiety flashing on her mood spots when she arrived.
“Taa, were you not assigned to inform humans that there was no space?” Captain Diii asked.
“I did, Captain!” Taa protested. “But she answered that she did not need much and walked right past me! What could I do?”
“And where is she now?” Diii asked.
“The kitchens. She… she said she wanted to be added to the duty roster, and that she enjoyed food preparation?”
That was another thing about the humans. They almost all wanted to work on the ships they boarded. Often they threw duty schedules into disarray by simply volunteering themselves to do tasks. At least this one seemed to know to ask the officer in charge of duties.
Diii found the human in the kitchens, as expected. She was very tall and thin for her type, of the morph ‘all bones’, if Diii was remembering the mandatory human-culture lessons that had been recently been added to ships-captain certification classes. She seemed to lack the jiggling bits that were so disconcerting on some humans. She did not reek of artificial fragrances as some humans did, instead scented pleasantly of human natural musk. Her head-covering stands, ‘hair’, was a friendly violet. Diii was certain this was not a natural coloration for the species. Her loose cloth coverings were earthy browns and creams, reminiscent of a child’s camouflage.
The human turned to look at Captain Diii, and showed her white-bone teeth in the body language ‘smile’, a gesture of friendliness and pleasure. Now that she was turned, Diii could see that half of the human’s head was shaved, and an array of electronics were installed directly in her skull. It was testament to their extraordinary healing powers that augmenting themselves with inorganic parts was commonplace in human culture. The humans had the technology to make their implants invisible, but some chose to make them visible because it looked ‘bad posterior’, which was somehow a good thing and aesthetically pleasing to them?
The human’s implants lit up, showing the exact blue of happiness, as she straightened up to give the human ‘salute’–a greeting to a superior. “Captain Diii? It’s good to meet you. I’m Elizabeth, but you can call me Zizi.”
Captain Diii could not help but be somewhat charmed. She must have the latest language-translation chip, Zizi’s speech was near perfect, and that she had something that functioned nearly like mood-spots was comforting. Her chosen name, as well, was easy to pronounce and nonthreateningly low-status.
“A greeting, Zizi,” Captain Diii answered carefully. “May I inquire your purpose aboard my ship?”
“Oh, I’m just a drifter,” Zizi said. “I just love traveling, you know? I heard the moons of Sigma7 were gorgeous, so I’m working my way that-a-ways.” Zizi’s pseudo-mood spot lights switched to anticipation before cycling back to happiness. “I’ll be off your ship at the next supply depot, if I can find someone heading more that direction.”
Ah, the ‘drifter’ type. Captain Diii had heard of them. ‘ship-hoppers’. An entire sub-class of humans who wandered the galaxy simply because they did not want to do anything else. They were famously the most difficult to dissuade from boarding a ship, and most likely to board from strange ports and going strange directions. Clearly it was not Taa’s fault she had been unable to keep Zizi out, and Diii signaled brief apology toward her.
“I won’t be any trouble,” Zizi continued. “I can set my hammock up anywhere to sleep, if it’s in your way?”
“The location you have chosen is… acceptable,” Captain Diii allowed. Zizi’s hair’s constant show of friendly had her own spots heading toward that color in automatic prosocial response. It was somewhat disconcerting. “I will leave you to your work,” Captain Diii said, retreating, and Zizi smiled and threw another quick salute before turning back to the food on the stove. Her implants showed concentration and curiosity, and then Captain Diii was outside the room with her again.
She turned toward Taa, who was still concerned. “I have heard that ships with a human listed on their crew roster have a 30% lower chance of being targeted by pirates?” Taa volunteered.
“Yes, yes,” Captain Diii mused. The risk was very low to begin with, especially for a ship like hers that did not haul valuable cargo, but anything that lowered it further could not be all bad. “It is not your fault in any case, Taa. Nothing could have prevented this human from boarding.”
Taa relaxed some, and Captain Diii returned to her inspection of the ship. Then she went to the helm and transmitted her updated crew roster to the main control base, encrypted only very lightly.
It certainly would not be bad to be known to have a human aboard.
Anybody in the mood for another Zizi story?
.
Crew satisfaction with meals increased by ~12% when the human drifter Zizi was working in the kitchens. She had the same base ingredients to work with that were aboard any ship, but her inventiveness with seasonings leant an artificial sense of variety to the meals.
Who would have thought to add sourleaf to a puddingfruit custard, or sweet red spice to a savory stew? And yet the combinations were delicious. When questioned, Zizi claimed to cook ‘by feel’ rather than following recipes. Most curious. Captain Diii’s favorite invention of Zizi’s was a thing she called ‘chai’, a rich spicy infusion in sweetened hot water. She said it was for relaxation, and Diii was not the only one who found themself sipping on a warm cup in the lounge at the end of shift.
Zizi was often in the lounge when she was off duty. She integrated with the crew very easily, making friendly overtures and playing games. She was already a master at Snap and Shuffle, the most popular games among the younger crew, and she also had a ‘pack of cards’, worn rectangles of stiff paper with drawings on them, and taught a few of the crew the human games ‘go fish’ and ‘texas hold ‘em’.
Zizi was even willing to help in duties that were not her own, if requested. When a hard-to-reach relay fuse burnt out, the engineers enlisted the reach of her long arms to replace it without having to take the wall apart. When Lucu, the youngest of the cleaning staff, injured their graspers and was barred from duty for five cycles, Zizi was one of the volunteers to perform their duties, and did so will skill and efficiency. When the algal vats in the air purification and reoxygenation plant needed turning, Zizi joined in, uncomplaining despite the heavy work.
All in all, having a human aboard was not as bad as Captain Diii had feared. It was, in fact, entirely pleasant–though that had more to do with this individual human than humans in general.
“You have many skills, human Zizi,” Captain Diii praised. Both she and Zizi were off their duty shift, and enjoying a cup of ‘chai’ together. Her mood spots were showing a mild violet to match the human’s hair, both of them happy to be sharing friendly companionship.
Zizi rubbed at the back of her neck, ducking a bit and her pseudo-mood-spots showing faint embarrassment. “Well, I’m a jack-of-all-trades, and you know what they say about those. Master of none.”
Ah, yes, Captain Diii had heart of the jack-of-all-trades subtype of human, able to achieve proficiency in a great number of skills. No wonder Zizi was so versatile and creative! This only confirmed to Diii that what she had discussed with Taa was the correct course of action, and her mood spots headed toward both excitement and worry.
“In another three cycles we will reach the supply depot,” Captain Diii began. “You have proven yourself a valuable member of the crew, and all would be sad to see you leave. We as a ship extend to you an offer: will you contract as a paid crew member for a full annual?”
The human Zizi blinked her eyes at Captain Diii several times, which body language she did not know how to interpret. “You’re offering to hire me?”
“Yes. I can offer standard wages and a private space in the crew quarters.” Captain Diii said. Taa had recently pair-bonded with two of the engineers, moving them into her rooms, so there was an available berth. It was not much, but it was all Captain Diii could offer.
“Wow, that would be perfect!” Zizi stated, before Diii could become too worried about her response. She bared her teeth in a wide smile, mood implants lighting up with joy. “I love this ship, and I was about out of money too, haha! Thank you so much Captain, I accept!”
Captain Diii’s mood spots flickered to joy as well, answering Zizi’s happiness with her own. She was absolutely certain she had made the correct decision. Zizi was certainly good for the ship and crew.
And maybe, if they were lucky, having such a high-quality human aboard would keep lower-quality humans from taking up residence.
.
The time has come. The time for more Zizi and Diii.
.
Hiring Zizi as a crewmember was an absolute success. Their very own ‘jack-of-all-trades’, able to fill nearly any role with little teaching, and at the standard wages for a single crewmember! Diii was proud to be able to claim her ship’s human as a valuable asset when other captains attempted to commiserate about humans boarding their ships. There was no shortage of jealous captains, but Diii had hired Zizi first.
Should Zizi follow her drifter inclinations to leave Diii’s crew once her contracted annual was over, she would be able to hire on to any number of other ships. Still, Diii was glad to have her while she could.
Zizi was far more aggressive than Taa would dare to be, dissuading other humans from choosing to board the ship. It was convenient to be able to assign her the task, and know that she could keep her species-mates away. Zizi also had a talent for haggling with Yikar merchants, common in some of the supply depots Diii’s ship frequented. With Zizi along, essentials could be purchased at an average of 14% lower price–not a difference to be underestimated!
Not to say that there were not occasional problems. Such was inevitable. Once, Zizi got into a screaming argument with another human who wished to board the ship, which became a physical altercation, which the supply depot’s security bots broke up. How utterly mortifying to have to explain to the security monitors that Zizi had been following orders, and that Diii wished her returned so that they might make an on-schedule departure. Diii’s spots were tinged with anxiety-orange for three full cycles afterward!
Another time, through either malice or inattention, a Yikar merchant sold Zizi an assortment of spices that included deadly poisons! Of course, they would not harm Zizi–some of them came from the human’s own eggworld. It was only luck that one of the senior cooks had been in the kitchen when Zizi happily brought in the spices to experiment with them, and recognized them for the poisons they were. Otherwise, the entire crew might have been lost! Everyone loved Zizi’s cooking. Thankfully, the ‘garlics’ were caught and properly disposed of before they were even opened, and Zizi did not make the same mistake again.
Most distressing was the time when, rather than keeping other humans out, Zizi brought an entire group of them into the ship. The ship had stopped at one of the most major travel hubs they frequented, and Zizi was greeted by a group of humans of assorted morphs, whom she clung to tight with her long arms, and pressed her mouth to in the human ‘kisses’. Her mood implants burned with joy.
They were a very loud group, and Zizi briefly introduced them as ‘my people’ before bringing them into the ship and entirely taking over the crew lounge. Their harsh barks, the human ‘laughter’, echoed through the entire ship at irregular intervals. They had some terrible sound technology, rhythmic beats and discordant screeching, which those few who were able to get close enough to the lounge to observe them reported that they moved their bodies to.
The sound assault never stopped, but it did become quieter as the cycle ended. Diii braved herself to peer into the lounge, to see that they had wires connected to the electronic implants in their skulls, and were manipulating them to effects they seemed to find humorous or pleasurable. It was barbaric, horrifying, and Diii retreated again before they saw her.
Diii had of course heard of the common human practice of altering their mental chemistry, through means both safe and deadly, for the sake of entertainment. She had thought their human was different. Not, it seemed, when she was among her own kind!
There was massive consternation throughout the crew. Of course there was. Humans were known for their pack-bonding, and as much as Zizi had seemed to bond to the crew, she was still human. What if she had chosen to bring all of ‘her people’ into the ship permanently? There might be enough room for them all in Zizi’s crew quarters, should they all have cocoons like her ‘hammock’ for sleeping in.
Thankfully, the group left after a cycle and a half–just before the ship was due to leave port. Zizi moved slowly and wore dark coverings over her eyes for another half cycle after that, claiming to suffer from ‘an overhang of cyberjacking’. She recovered after a single sleep cycle, and all in the ship returned to normal.
Still, as stressful as these few incidents were, Zizi was overall a very useful crew member. She worked hard, and was cheerful, and her good cheer transferred to all the crew. They all loved their Zizi, especially the younger crew, even though she was human.
Her good cheer was so ubiquitous, it became immediately obvious when it left her. This was five and six supply depot stops after the stressful invasion of ‘Zizi’s people’, a little over halfway through Zizi’s annual contract. Zizi requested time away from the ship at the fourth stop, and returned with frustration tinting her pseudo mood spots. She began to show anxiety before the fifth, again requested time away from the ship, and returned with her pseudo-mood-spots glowing with orange anxiety and bleeding into fear. Her anxiety increased before the sixth, and Captain Diii of course granted her the time she needed away from the ship.
None of her careful research could tell her why a previously happy human might become stressed, when nothing in the ship had changed. Truly, there was not much known of them other than their battle prowess and propensity toward boarding ships going the direction they wished to go.
Zizi was furious when she returned. Her long angular limbs moved sharply, pseudo-mood-spots flashing warning, and all the crew scattered away from her in terror. Zizi kicked the wall three times as soon as she was within the ship, her heavy boots leaving dents. She slammed her fists against the wall and screamed, a high and horrible sound. Taa, heavy now with gestating zygotes and so having the strongest protective instincts, fell to the floor, limbs curled in tight as she went catatonic in self-preservation, and she was only the first. Many of the younger crew followed her example. Captain Diii felt the instinct herself, but she straightened her limbs and respirated carefully, drawing on her captain’s training to resist it.
Then Zizi crumpled to the floor, as though mortally wounded. She barked, shoulders heaving. It was only when Diii gathered the presence of mind to realize that her mood implants were showing utter misery that she realized what Zizi was doing was the human ‘crying’, and not ‘laughing’. It was a thing that humans did when very distressed.
Captain Diii approached cautiously. “Crew Zizi? What is the reason for this distress?” she quarried. She reached out, carefully, to pat Zizi’s warm shoulder with one grasper.
Zizi turned to face her, flopping over to sit on the floor rather than kneel. Her eyes were overflowing with water, and she made a loud wet noise with her nose before wiping them with her sleeve. Then she seemed to notice the catatonic crew, and dropped her head down between her knees. Her mood implants looked more miserable than Diii had ever seen, and it only sharpened her own distress.
“Reproduction and excrement, captain. I’m sorry,” Zizi apologized. “I didn’t mean to… I’m ‘distressed’ because I can’t get my girl pills out here. Nowhere’s got them, and my stock’s running out.”
Captain Diii patted Zizi’s shoulder again, more lingeringly this time. It did not feel wrong, to take such a liberty, and it did seem to ease the sharpness of Zizi’s misery. And when Zizi reached up, covering Diii’s grasper with her own to hold it close, that did not feel wrong either.
“You require a ‘pills’?” Diii asked. “May I ask a clarification?”
“Yeah, it’s… reproduction, how would you understand it?” Zizi made the loud wet sound with her nose again, a sharp inhale. “They help me keep the right morph? I’d grow into a different one otherwise.”
“To be honest, human Zizi, it is very difficult to tell your official morphs apart.” The way the humans classified themselves defied all logic.
“Yeah, I know.” Zizi looked up at Diii, her mouth turning up on the edges just a bit, though her eyes were reddened and wet. “That’s part of why I love traveling with you guys. You take me at my word, what morph I am. But… it matters to me that my body doesn’t grow wrong?”
“Then it is a matter of crew wellness,” Captain Diii decided, firmly. She gave Zizi’s shoulder a squeeze. “You must tell me exactly what these ‘pills’ are, and we will send an urgent message ahead to our next depot requisitioning them. It must be paid for from the health and safety budget, of course. You are an important member of the crew.”
Zizi’s mouth fell open, her teeth showing behind her lax lips. She blinked at Captain Diii, mood implants showing shock and then a burst of joy as her eyes began to overflow again.
“I really need to hug you,” she said, and wrapped her long arms around Diii’s middle. She rested her head against Diii’s central bulk, like a hatchling seeking safety, and it felt very natural to Diii to wrap several graspers around her to hold her close.
“You’re the best, Captain. Just the best,” Zizi said. Best based on what rubric, she did not clarify, but human speech was well known to be full of hyperbole.
“You are most satisfactory as a crew member,” Captain Diii assured Zizi. “Now, will you help to revive the catatonic crew? I believe some of your ‘chai’ would go well, after such excitement.”
“Yes, Captain.” Zizi released Diii from the ‘hug’ and levered herself to her feet, then bent down to press one of her human ‘kiss’ to the top of Diii’s head. She wiped her eyes one last time, gave a salute, and headed for the kitchen.
There. The crisis was ended, as quickly as it had begun. Diii had no doubt that Zizi would prove as adept at soothing and reviving catatonic crew as she was everything else she set her hand to.
Though difficulties like this were bound to arise any time different species shared a space, Zizi’s inclusion in the crew could only be calculated to an overall benefit.
Captain Diii was more than lucky to have hired her before some other crew snapped her up.
.
FIN
I hope you enjoyed. I don’t think I have any more Zizi and Diii stories to share.
Love my writing? My first novel has some very fun humans and aliens cohabitating (and loving each other), if that’s your jam. You can preorder it [here]!
WOW!
I’d seen the first part, but all these others are new to me. I absolutely love all of it!
I done did drew a thing! My interpretation as to what zizi looks like cause this is one hella rad story.
What happens when humans start feeling the pressure of living up to their reputation that’s spread across the galaxy?
A combination of mental health-related ideas from a few different comments that have been left on here, ao3, and youtube.
***** ***** *****
When Chek found the team’s resident human, he seemed… unwell. She’d seen the human do strange breathing techniques before bed or during infrequent quiet moments at their shared station.
But this was different. She couldn’t exactly say why, but it was very different in a way that she could just feel. The way he was breathing was not comforting. Something was wrong.
“Human Dave? Have… have you been here the whole time?” Chek didn’t add that she and the others had been looking for him for the past 30 mentiks, and had been growing increasingly annoyed and worried as time went on. Something told her that it would be counterintuitive of whatever was going on right now.
Dave, who had been staring at her blankly ever since she’d come around the corner into the kitchen, closed his eyes and nodded silently. Chek knew that was a common affirmative gesture humans used, but her worry only grew. Human Dave normally was a very vocal and upbeat character on the team. His silence didn't’ sit well with her now.
Dave gave her no further information, just sat on the floor, propped up against the wall, breathing in slowly through his nose and then even slower out his mouth. Unsure of what to do, and not wanting to just keep standing awkwardly there in the silence, she eventually sat adjacent to him on the floor. Human Dave kept breathing.
Whatever was going on, Chek realized she wasn’t sure what proper conduct she should follow. What were the rules of etiquette when your team’s human was found hiding alone and on the verge of tears?
As inconspicuously as she could, Chek sent a message to the rest of the team to let them know she’d found Dave and would return as soon as they could. She immediately silenced her communicator after that, knowing her team members would want more information. They’d get it in time. Her main priority right now was helping Dave get through… whatever was going on right now.
But how to do that? Well, Check thought, what better way to help a human than to do it in the most human way possible: jump in head-first and hope for the best.
“I can tell something is wrong, but I don’t know what. Dave, how can I best lend aid to you now?”
The way Human Dave stared at her, she almost began wondering how best to back-pedal out of this. She knew humans were typically very prideful of their strength and prowess. Had she over-stepped by insinuating that he was weak and even needed her help?
Dave inhaled sharply in a way that sounded like it moved a lot of mucus around in his nasal cavity. It wasn’t the most pleasant sound, but Chek didn’t really have much time to think about that because she realized Dave’s eyes were leaking.
“Oh no, are you hurt?” Chek was back on her six legs in an instant. “Are your eyes injured? Is that why you’ve been hiding?!” That would make sense, she thought to herself, if something was wrong with his eyes and he couldn’t see, bunkering down in a safe, defensible position was a smart move. She moved forward to carefully and as comfortingly as she could manage, grab his hand. “I can get you to the med bay. I can guide you there if you need me. Or maybe I should go there and bring… someone who… can…”
Chek trailed off as she realized, to her great confusion, that Human Dave was now laughing. Well, not quite laughing. It started small and didn’t grow much, nowhere close to his usual loud and infectious laugh, but there it was something.
“Human Dave?” Chek looked over the human in question, now completely lost. Here she’d been only cycles ago thinking she was finally understanding humans and their quirks. She apparently didn’t know as much as she thought she did.
“I’m fine, Chek, I’m fine,” Dave finally chuckled, though the grin in his voice was quickly fading again. The grin on his face melted away soon after. “Actually, no. I’m not.”
Chek blinked a few of her eyes in confusion. “Not what?”
Dave swallowed and it looked like his chest visibly tightened. After a short moment, he began breathing deeply again in that strange way she’d found him doing earlier.
It finally dawned on her. His breathing. He’s trying to calm down. But unlike before, he’s not calming down for bed or meditating, he’s trying to calm down from something. But what? She looked around at the kitchen. There was nothing here to scare him. There were no attackers or visible danger. What had him so stressed and riled?
“You’re not what?” Chek inquired, her worry for her teammate leaked into her voice. “Please Dave, help me understand. What’s going on?”
The pattern of Dave’s breathing broke. His deep breaths became more shallow and rapid. It was more like he was trying to choke down air. His exhales were mixed with his voice in desperate cries like he was in pain.
“I’m not… I’m not…”
Chek watched, frozen, as Dave balled up his fist and slammed them on the floor next to him. He choked on his breaths half a moment more until he finally was able to gasp another mouthful and began trying to regulate his deep breathing technique again. Chek said nothing. What could she say? She was completely at a loss.
Finally, Dave was able to speak again, though it was quiet and full of pauses as if he was looking for the right words to say.
“I’m… I… feel like I’m a failure. I’m… I’m not… humans are supposed to be so strong and fearless and smart and great and all. And you… when you guys requested a human you… you probably thought you were… getting a good one… like all the stories. I… I’m trying, but I feel like… you could have gotten any human assigned, but instead… and there are so many who could have been here instead. They’d probably do so much better. Be so much braver. I feel like… I’m lying to everyone just by being here… and that you guys just haven’t realized it yet…”
Dave continued talking for a while more. Chek could only understand bits and phrases here and there after a while, but she let him talk on for as long as he needed. He needed to talk. He needed to feel heard. And she needed to process what she heard.
Dave felt afraid. Not only of some of the dangers they had to face in their jobs on the team but also afraid of his team rejecting him. Or rather, afraid that he wasn’t living up to his team’s ideals of humans and that would lead to them rejecting him. It sounded like it had been eating away at him in his mind for some time.
How had she not seen that? How had no one seen that? Human Dave had joined their team decacycles ago. They’d been so excited to have a human on the team and when Dave showed up, his integration with the team seemed so smooth and fine. Sure there’d been odd moments now and again. He’d freeze momentarily before a task, but that was expected with anyone starting a new role. He was friendly and fun, but there’d be times when it seemed like he was zoning out, or that he was physically there, but his mind was partecs away. There’d likely been numerous things that could have been signs of what was really bothering Dave that no one had noticed. After all, humans were known to be a bit weird now and again, so no one probably shook a whisker when Dave was showing signs that something wasn’t quite right. Everyone assumed he was fine. And Dave was breaking under the pressure of making sure everyone kept assuming that.
It was quiet again in the kitchen. Dave’s eyes were pointed directly at his feet. They were still leaking slowly, but if he wasn’t worried about it, then Chek figured it wasn’t something she needed to get a medic for. Instead, she sat down next to Dave. Even though the human, when standing, was much taller than her, while they were both sitting, they were relatively on the same level.
Dave’s deep breathing was more regular now. More like how it normally was, but still not quite right. She breathed along with him for a while. Human lungs take in much more air than Kreechen lungs, but she did her best to try to match him.
After a moment, she paused and smiled. “I remember the cycle you arrived. We’d all been so excited to have a human on the team.” She looked over at him, but he still had his eyes locked on his feet. She continued.
“We’d all done some research in preparation. We knew humans came in lots of shapes, sizes, styles, and temperaments. We wanted to make a good first impression, so we made a bunch of foods we’d read were popular on Earth.”
Dave, while still not looking up, did appear to have the faintest hint of a smile on his lips. He remembered that day too.
“We tried to get as many ingredients as we could that were safe,” Chek continued, “and looked up as many replacement or alternatives as we could that we thought made sense in the recipes.” The grin on Chek’s face slipped almost comically into an overexaggerated scowl. “Oh my stars, I can’t remember what went wrong, but I do remember the smell. Augh! It took cycles to get rid of it! It was terrible!”
Dave chuckled and shook his head slightly. “It tasted even worse.”
They both chuckled for a moment. It wasn’t at Dave’s normal energetic and vibrant levels, but it was something. Even after they both settled back into silence, Chek could feel that something was different now. Better somehow.
Chek sighed and thought of how to continue. She could tell that her next words would be important and needed to be selected carefully.
“It was such a relief that despite our less than perfect efforts, you seemed to think no less of us. Flarg, you even ate most of that dish!”
Dave interrupted with a sound that was a mix between a hum and a whine. He glanced at Chek then back to his feet, then back again. “Actually,” he began, then stopped. His mouth would open for a moment, but no sound came out. Finally, he sighed and closed his eyes. “If I’m totally honest with you, I only ate like three tiny bites. I threw most of it away when no one was looking.”
Chek stared at him.
Then burst into laughter.
“By the stars!” she nearly howled. Her laughter nearly shook her tiny body, but she couldn’t stop it. From the looks of it, it was spreading a bit to the human at her side who was at first startled, then loosened up enough to laugh along.
“You threw it… you threw it… away!” Chek managed to get out between laughs. “Oh gilded moon plates, that explains so much! Ohhhh, okay. Let me breathe a bit. Wow. Oh, we were all worried we’d sentenced you to the medical ward for your first few cycles with us! Then we figured you’d managed to stomach it because you’re human.” Chek tried to catch her breath as she straightened a few errant hairs.
“Ohhhh, stars, okay. Anyway. As I was saying,” she looked at Dave who this time met and kept her gaze. “We’d been so worried about making a good first impression. We wanted to stand up to all the expectations you probably had of us. We felt terrible when that didn’t go as planned, and apparently, it was worse than we thought…
“But regardless of that, you were so kind. You not only got right to work on the team, you went right ahead with befriending and bonding with us. You shared yourself with us and were genuinely interested in our lives and who each of us were, not just what skills or roles we fulfilled. You were like some kind of glue that we didn’t even know we needed. Before you came, we were a team, but ever since you arrived we’ve been more. We’ve been like a family.”
Dave said nothing and broke eye contact, but didn’t turn away. Chek waited for him to speak, but after a few moments, it didn’t seem like he was going to just yet.
Chek looked down at her feet. She felt a bit of frustration bubble up in her core. She was certainly no expert in Kreechen mental health, let alone mental health for humans, but for just this one moment, she wished she could call upon all the expertise she needed to know what to help. But she couldn’t, so she’d have to settle with what little she could do and hope it was enough.
“I don’t know what all you’re going through, Dave,” she started, “but you should know that this team loves you. We could have been assigned any number of humans, and who knows how any of them would have fit with us? No idea. But the thing is, you were the one that showed up to eat our terrible attempt at making human food. You’re our human. You, and all the things that, good, bad, or neutral, make you you.”
Chek rested a small hand on Dave’s arm. She knew that physical touch was an important and powerful communication tool for many humans and that Dave was no exception. “This team wouldn’t be the same if we didn’t have you. Whatever you need, we’ve got your back covered, just like you always cover ours.”
Chek paused to wait for Dave to respond. But he didn’t. She watched his face. She considered herself pretty adept at reading human facial emotions by now, but she had a hard time pinning down what Dave was feeling. If anything, it looked like several emotions were at war across his features.
Without knowing completely what she was going to say, she opened her mouth.
“It’s okay to not always be running at your 100% you know. No one on this team is, and no one expects it of you. Whatever you imagine you’re supposed to be, or what you think we expected you to be, it doesn’t matter. Because, well, you’re you instead! You’re our human.” She leaned in with a mock-serious look, “And you better be nice to our human, or well, or else we’re gonna have problems!”
She barely finished the sentence before she broke into laughter. To her immense relief, Dave laughed too. When Dave’s stomach made a strange growling noise, they both laughed even harder.
“If I’m understanding that right,” Chek started after she settled down a bit again, “you’re pretty hungry?”
Dave chuckled and nodded. “Yeah, guess so. I… I guess I’ve been so upset lately, I kind of forgot to eat.”
Chek “tsk" ’d. Leave it to a human to even have the ability to forget to eat. She looked around the room. “Well, we’re in the kitchen now. Anything you want while we’re here?”
Dave’s eyes scanned the area with a hum. A smile broke across his face slowly. “You know, since you brought up that meal you all made me my first day, I think I’m kind of in the mood for some stroganoff.”
Chek’s face scrunched up slightly. “Is that how that dish is pronounced?” Dave nodded with a smile. Chek got up and walked further into the kitchen with Dave following. “Do we even have ingredients to make it now? I don’t really want a repeat of… last time.”
“Just about.” Dave opened the walk-in cooler where various food supplies for each species on the team were stored in separate compartments. “And the ones we don’t, I know the proper substitutions.”
Chek wasn’t 100% convinced, but at this point, the fact that Dave was up and about and seemed to be doing much better than when she found him, she wasn’t going to stop him now.
While she waited for the human to gather the ingredients he needed, she checked her comm device and saw she’d missed several messages after she’d relayed that she’d found Dave. Everyone wanted to know where he was and what was going on.
“Hey Dave,” Chek looked up as the human in question came out of the cooler with his hands full, “the rest of the team’s been worried about you. I told them I found you and you’re okay, but before I tell them where we are, do you feel up to having company right now?”
Dave paused and considered her for a moment. He opened his mouth and for a moment didn’t say anything, but finally nodded. “Yeah, I think so. I think I’m good now, or I will be.” He set his ingredients on the countertop and took another deep breath. “Besides, cooking really helps me calm down, and” he laughed, sounding more and more like his old cheerful self, “if they come, maybe I can teach everyone how to make stroganoff without having to wear a gas mask by the end!”
Chek sent a response to the rest of the team. Their human was going to be okay, but for now, needed a bit extra love and support. Thankfully, that was something the rest of the team could do much easier than they could cook human food.
***** ***** *****
Author’s Note:
Sometimes feel like what we’re doing or who we are isn’t enough. This was in some ways therapeutic for me to write because it’s something I feel sometimes too. We all have moments like Dave where we need to breathe deeply and slowly and be reminded, or remind ourselves that we are enough. There is no one “right” way to human. There is no one “right” level of energy, effort, or perfection that we need to be at to human.
To whoever is reading this right now and needs to hear this: You are enough. Right now. Take a deep breath and breathe out slowly. Do it as many times as you need and remind yourself that each day is different, and so are you.
Don’t forget to be a Chek for yourself when you’re being a Dave.
I love you, you funky and precious human. You’re doing great
Someone in the comments on YouTube gave me the idea to make this. Once humans get popular in the galactic community, you KNOW vlogs like these are going to explode
Nipti looked out the large bay window from the Fritik Conservatory. It was one of his favorite scenic views to look out over a large section of his gardens. Or at least, it used to be scenic. Marley’s ship did manage to be no small eyesore while it slouched next to his shop just behind a few sparchel shrubs. The human’s beloved piece of junk was missing a few exterior panels, exposing cracked insulation foam. That would be Marley’s work. The old panels were shredded and melted in huge patches from atmospheric entry and stars knew what else. There was no way they could be trusted in space flight. After tearing them off, Marley ended up using a small piece of one slightly less melted corner and etched some alien symbols onto it to fashion a “name tag” of sorts. When asked, Marley said it was for their job so people would recognize their authority. Nipti just figured that meant it was some odd human power-move and went on with his chores. Well, he figured if people respected his “employee,” because of a badge, then all the better. He chuckled to himself as he hung his safety vest on the hook by the exit. Visitors didn’t usually last long if they didn’t respect his human anyway. He was already out the door when Nipti finally realized what he’d just thought. His human? The door to the conservatory shut behind him as he stood there on the stone path. Since when was Marley his human? A fresh breeze blew fresh scents into Nipti’s face. He turned his head a bit to his left. Beyond the decorative shrubs and his shop, the various gardens, greenhouses, and lots spread out serenely. Somewhere out there was the human who had nearly crash-landed in one of his fields, helped themselves to dangerous fruits, and offered security service and a helping hand to an alien stranger in exchange for shelter and aid with their ship. What an odd creature. Nipti treasured his home. He loved his gardens and the peaceful solitude walking through them or working in them gave him. The more he expanded, the more attention they received, the more visitors came. Visitors who, unfortunately, brought a whole new set of troubles that overwhelmed Nipti. Between keeping sightseers in line, repairing damages incurred, maintaining inter- and intra-ecosystem balances between and within his gardens, finances, legalities, and general maintenance, his once peaceful haven had been shifting into a dark source of stress. Then Marley came.
At first, it seemed like having the human around would be an added thing to worry about. Now, as Nipti gazed at the ship that had brought them here, he realized he wasn’t sure if he really wanted the ugly piece of junk to get fixed. Afterall, that would mean Marley would leave. As much as he loved his privacy, he had found Marley’s presence comfortable and unimposing. What would it be like once they finally did leave? Where would they go or do? Would they be safe? Would they ever come back to visit? Or maybe even decide to stay? Nipti stared at the clouds on the horizon as the setting sun began painting them in soft, then vibrant colors. He should go and turn on the lights for the pathways before it got too dark to see, but he couldn’t seem to pull his eyes off the clouds and the way they bathed his gardens in their beautiful glow. Nor could he seem to pull his mind out of thoughts of his and Marley’s future. Finally, he shook his head and sighed. He’d been standing there staring so long that it was now almost completely dark. As he turned down the path, he began picking up his pace. The longer it took for him to get to electrical and open the control box, the more likely it would be that he wouldn’t be able to see the dang switch if it was right in his face. And then to add to it all, the faster he ran, the more his stomach decided to remind him that he hadn’t eaten much today. He’d snacked on a few tender shoots of bakt, and the first toom berry of the season he’d seen when he first got to the conservatory, but that had been hours ago. And bakt shoots and a single toom berry do not a meal make. He was about a third of the way to electrical when the pathway lights flickered on. Nipti slowed and paused. The ornate trellises through this part of the pathway were soon twinkling with strings of lights he’d painstakingly threaded through them. The brickwork he was standing on was lit up by small concealed path lights placed intermittently to light the way, along with a few luma-reactionary bricks in the path that glowed in response. It was beautiful. But he hadn’t turned them on. It must have been Marley. Good for them for taking the initiatory. Once again, it seemed having a human around was a fantastic benefit. Now just to get back home and figure out dinner. “Hey Nipti!” Nipti nearly jumped two lengths into the air. As he turned around, he saw Marley coming up the path behind him. “Marley?” Nipti’s head swiveled between the approaching human to the path in front of him towards electrical and back. “But? But how did-? Where are you coming from?” “My ship,” the human happily quipped and tossed him a small metal lump. Nipti caught it. It wasn’t just a lump, it was… well he wasn’t quite sure what it was. Some sort of ship part with two frayed wires sticking out of them. “Found the culprit behind why the starboard elevon kept jamming. Spent half the afternoon getting that dang thing out, and the other half getting its replacement installed.” Marley laughed and paused next to Nipti on the path. “I thought you were at the electrical shed.” “Why would I be there?” “The lights,” Nipti gestured around them. “I was on my way to turn them on and thought you did.” Marley looked down the path in the direction of the shed in question. “Oh, no. Yeah I forgot to tell you. I needed a break from the ship this morning and I’d noticed that a lot of your systems around here aren’t automated. So I started with the lighting. As soon as it gets dark, sensors will send a signal to the controls and turn the lights on for you.” Marley looked very satisfied with themself. “I have a part coming soon that will let you manually control the lights remotely from anywhere in the gardens, and give you system reports and power expenditures!” Nipti stared at them and blinked silently. They had what? Where had they gotten the parts from to do that? Had they used their own funds? That was supposed to be used on their own ship, and they used it to fix his lights? They didn’t need to do that. That was… that
was an unexpected kindness. Marley had become a huge part and help to his life, he didn’t realize that Marley might have, in turn, also felt close enough and friendly with him to feel like doing such a thoughtful, unasked thing for him. Nipti tried not to show how shocked he felt at the gesture, worried it might seem he was ungrateful to the human. “That’s amazing. Thank you.” Marley smiled rolled their shoulders. “No problem.” They started walking down the path together, Marley occasionally rolling or rubbing at their shoulders. “I had a pretty busy day. I think I’m going to need a lot of hot water tonight. My back is need of a good soak.” Niptii groaned internally. He wasn’t sure his house could heat enough water quickly enough for what Marley was talking about. Especially not if he himself wanted any hot water tonight. He voiced his worries, adding, “I know, I know, I need a better water heater, but the one I have is one I got thinking it was just going to be me using it, you know? Though if you do need the hot water all at once, we could probably supplement what my water heater can do with some buckets from the hot spring, though they’re a bit of a hike down to get to in the dark.” Marley paused. “You have hot springs and didn’t tell me?” Nipti frowned in confusion. “I assumed you knew. I have lots of springs around here. I use a few of them as water sources for the gardens farther away from the central canal and the west river.” “How hot are they?” “I believe the hottest one is around 320 degrees solaric.” Marley nodded and frowned. They seemed to be whispering something under their breath, but Nipti could only just barely make out bits like, “five over nine… round it up a little… carry the two… just to be safe…” Finally, Marley nodded, a huge smile on their face. “That sounds wonderful! Would you mind if I actually just went and soaked directly in the springs?” Nipti’s jaw nearly dropped. “Did you not hear me? I said they’re 320 degrees solaric. I know at this atmospheric pressure that’s not hot enough to boil, but it’s still hot enough to be dangerous!” “I’ll double-check my math when we get back, but if I’m right, I’ve been in hotter water back on Earth.” Nipti looked dubious. In the time Marley had been here, he’d learned a lot about humans and how hardy and adaptable they are, especially while living on a planet that seemed to be out to kill them, but this was too outlandish! Marley must have seen his expression in the dim light. “I’m serious! Humans seek out hot springs all the time. They turn bigger ones into resorts that people will travel and pay money to go to and soak in. You just have to be careful and not soak too long. You’re supposed to get out every 15 or 20 minutes or whatever so your body temperature can regulate itself back to normal. That’s why they don’t let kids in the hotter pools, they get too hot too quick, but I’m an adult and can handle it. I’d not only handle it, I’d really really like it. And I mean REALLY like it. I feel like my shoulders are made out of stone and my poor stiff neck is going to get squished by them and fall right off.” Nipti hummed. This still sounded crazy, but then again, going out of their way to nearly boiling themselves alive in hot water sounded like a very human thing to do. “I’ll show them to you when we get back. You tell me what you think then.” That seemed to do the trick to pacify them. Marley nodded with a huge smile, and the pair turned the last corner before reaching Nipti’s house. The lights were on here too. Across the clearing, Nipti could also see path way and decorative lights spreading out along other paths, or lighting up flower beds and vine-covered trellises. It looked good. Marley really outdid themselves today with getting the lights automatized on top of everything else they did for their ship. If anyone deserved a good soak, his human definitely did. As long as it did turn out to be safe, that is. Nipti paused a moment. He’d done it again- referred to Marley as his human. He didn’t
mean it in a possessive way, certainly, and he still didn’t know when or how exactly Marley had become ‘his human,’ but it seemed like it was something he had already subconsciously accepted. And, well, Nipti would certainly and happily take Marley as ‘his human’ for as long as he was able.
“Min,” the voice on the communicator crackled. “Min I know you can hear me! Where are you?” Min, who was tucked away comfortably in a quiet nook of the ship’s library, pulled his ears back tight against his skull. Maybe if he did so tight enough, he wouldn’t be able to hear the whiny voice coming from the comm device on his wrist. No such luck. “Min, you were supposed to get the lower deck cleaned up a quarter of a cycle ago. I just walked by and the remains of the send-off party are still everywhere. The floors are a mess and the recycling compactors are full to the brim! I know we don’t get new passengers until Moyrs 2, but we’re halfway through the Tamp System now and still have a lot to do! You’re supposed to be on duty, so where are you?!” Min sighed and rubbed the sleep from two of his eyes. The human sleeping next to him stirred at the commotion. Together they’d spent several decarrtiks to get the library back to order. The ship’s passengers on the last leg of their galactic tour had really done a number on the usually quiet haven of study. Actually, they’d done about the same to the entire ship - even a few corridors they weren’t supposed to have access to. Poor Human Zehireta had to scare a few nilta youth out of restricted access more than once during the sendoff celebration alone. They’d been little nightmares the whole trip, but tried to use the wild commotion of the party as cover for their shenanigans. Thankfully, humans seem to be really good at knowing when others are up to no good. The troublemakers didn’t stand a chance. Not when humans themselves are masters of those kinds of tactics. No matter how sneaky the entitled nilta brats were, or thought they were, their antics were thwarted time and time again by Zehireta or the other human on the crew, Cherise.
The grating voice piped up again, “Min, report in or I’m going to write you up!” Ugh. ‘No rest for the wary,’ or however the human phrase goes. “Charutt, I’m still in the library. Zehireta and I were told to start here before the zilt sludge could do any serious damage to the consoles or server bays. We’ve been at it for most of the cycle.” That last part was mostly true. It had taken them several grueling decartiks to get the biohazards contained and removed, then still deal with the general mess and dishevelment on top of that. Once they had gotten the library to an acceptable level of cleanliness, they’d decided they had earned a break. Or, rather, they desperately needed one and all but collapsed onto a few newly-laundered cushions in a study nook. It’d been a nice rest, but not nearly long enough. “You should have finished the library already. You need to get your tail to the lower deck, now!” A growl started deep in Min’s chest, but he cut it off quickly when the still-sleeping Zehireta stirred again. With an uncharacteristically pitiful squeaking sound, she shifted and dropped from her precarious sitting position to lie on her side in what must have been a more comfortable spot. Min froze. The human’s head and shoulders were now solidly planted on his legs. She exhaled loudly as if telling him to either wrap it up or keep it down or both, and then her breathing steadied again. “Charutt, I’ll get to it when I get to it.“ He growled in a hushed tone. "Have you ever cleaned up zilt sludge? When you’re around delicate circuitry, you can’t just hose it down with ferrox suds. It’s way more meticulous and extremely exhaustive.” “Be that as it may, we are behind schedule and you need to put a little more hustle in your-” “Half the crew quit the moment we made port on Junto,” Min tried to sound as forceful as he could while still managing to keep his voice low. “You’re lucky the rest of us had enough pity, didn’t have enough sense, or needed the money badly enough to stick around to make sure this ship got put back in order before the next passenger pickup.” Min had thought of leaving too, after the exasperating trip to Junto, he knew things would be bad but decided to stay aboard as crew. He’d second-guessed himself on that decision a few times once he finally understood the full extent of the disaster the previous passengers had left. “We may be understaffed, but that just means I need everyone to pull their weight even mo-” “If you don’t want me to quit once we get to Moyrs 2, you’ll rethink how you’re going to finish that sentence.” After a tense pause, Min also added, “If I go, you know the other half of the crew will go too. Including the humans.” Min knew that would seal it. Humans were high in-demand hires for the cruise and cargo industry. Not only did the knowledge of their presence deter space pirates and marauders, but they also helped keep unruly passengers in line. As bad as the last group had been, it would have been a lot worse without Zehireta and Cherise. There’d been more humans before, but they’d been transferred to other ships or had found other employment. Still, two humans were far better than no humans, and it would be hard to try to hire more on Moyrs 2. Humans that traveled out that way were usually already on a job or had hundreds of competing offers to choose from. “Just…” Charutt sighed, “just get to it as soon as you can.” Knowing he had won, and wanting to bask in the victory for just a moment longer, Min looked down at the now snoring human head in his lap and hit the talk trigger one more time. “I’d love to, but I have a sleeping human on me, and you know how it is. Can’t move now.” He flicked his ears with a grin, “but I’ll get to the lower deck as soon as I can.” It was a dumb joke, he knew. And under normal circumstances, he’d never pull a stunt like this, but it was too perfect. Charutt can’t afford to fire him right now. And he was genuinely exhausted. Plus, everyone knows you shouldn’t wake up a sleeping human. For one thing, it was not good to have a grumpy, tired human mad at you
for bothering them, and another thing, they just looked so peaceful when they slept. It nearly felt like a crime to disturb them. Min quickly switched off his comm device. Again, he normally wouldn’t dare do so, but he was done with Charutt, and didn’t need to have him wake up Zehireta. The only other people with the authorization to make comm calls without needing call acceptance were the security manager and the ship’s captain. They’d be otherwise preoccupied at the moment, and not even Charutt would dare “waste their time” to try to tattle on him right now. With a deep, satisfied sigh, Min rested his head against the wall of the nook. He knew he did, in fact, need to move on and get the lower deck cleaned. And he would. He took his job seriously, even if he was just a simple crew member of a mid-level galactic cruise ship. But right now, he could take a few more moortiks. Besides, what he told Charutt was true, he had a human asleep on him. He would likely be stuck here for a bit.
