Fact! Uteruses come prepackaged with half a lifetime’s supply of eggs. Balls produce sperm on-demand. This means there would have been about a two-month period where Jacob found himself inexplicably VERY gay for Edward.
wait I thought Stephanie Meyers made it canon that Edward can’t produce new sperm and the warm water of the ocean warmed up his sac enough for him to impregnate Bella.
So in all Jacob should’ve been gay for Edward all along
i love that the ratatouille jokes from tumblr have transferred to other apps like tiktok and now people are barely becoming aware of the resume names. like yes we’re hiding in the shadows and the word is spreading.
one day i’ll be fully back to creating my hot takes that no one cares for and force everyone to read every single one of the dumb thoughts that cross my pea little brain. until then, ily and *don’t* talk shit abt smeyer whenever possible <3
Okay, so the other day I was thinking if i would rather be a Twilight vampire or a Vampire Diaries vampire and i came up with this:
TwilightVampireCons
You can never go out in the sunlight around people without them knowing you are ‘different’
If you want to drink human blood you must kill the person you are eating from.
Your eyes also are like bright red which doesn’t blend in very well to everyone else. This yet again, makes you stand out. Unless you survive off animal blood then they would be golden but that would also make you look different.
Can’t sleep meaning you can never catch a break from existing.
The Vampire Diaries Vampire Cons
Can’t go out in the sun if you don’t have a daylight ring, in order to obtain this you must befriend a witch. Witches hate vampires.
Werewolves can easily kill you with their toxic bite, there are also far more supernatural creatures which are a threat.
Humans can kill you by driving a stake through your heart - you would be more vulnerable to everyone around you.
You would have a weakness to vervain which would not be nice.
Twilight Vampire Pros
There is a chance you may get a 'special’ ability when you are turned like how Edward can read minds.
When you are alone or with others who know your secret, it would be very cool to sparkle.
You don’t burn in the sun and don’t need anything (i.e a daylight ring) to go outside.
Not sleeping is also a pro as you don’t need to stop and rest, you can do whatever whenever.
I feel like TVD vampires are always dying and that Twilight vampire can survive a lot more, so that is a plus.
The Vampire Diaries Pros
COMPELLING HUMANS!!!! This means you can feed on them and then wipe their memories - no death required.
Once you get a daylight ring you can fit into the human world very easily and no one will think twice about you. You would just look like any other human.
Your skin tone stays the same so again, no one will think you look 'different’ or 'weird’
As you get older you also get physically stronger.
(Edward POV snippet from 1950: Alice is attending school for the first time. For spoiler-y reasons Alice had a paralyzing vision in class the previous day and they’re scrambling to adjust the cover story)
“Carlisle won’t let me go to school,” Alice sulked as she came into the room. She perched on the top of the couch with her sketchpad and pencil in one hand, the Wall Street Journal in the other. Esme went back upstairs to see if Emmett and Rosalie were ready. Alice was still pouting. “He says I have to rest because of my seizure yesterday. Is that fair, Edward?!”
“It is. And besides, you don’t have your new medication yet.”
“But they’re reading the end of Romeo and Juliet today!”
“You won’t miss much,” I told her, turning back to pick at the wound I had just inflicted on the piano. “Romeo finds Juliet and he thinks she’s really dead. So he kills himself in his grief, and then she wakes up to find him dead. So she kills herself, too.”
Alice was horrified. She had taken my advice not to read ahead, apparently. “But… what about the happy ending? The happily ever after? They were destined to be together!”
“It isn’t a romance,” I laughed, closing the lid over the keys. “It’s a tragedy.”
Alice flew up to her bedroom and reappeared on top of the couch again, book in hand. I watched in amusement as she flicked through the final act, angrily turning the pages in quick succession. She finally threw the book down in disgust. “What a stupid ending! Didn’t it occur to Romeo to make sure she was dead before killing himself over it?!”
I shrugged, finally standing up. “Love makes people do stupid things, apparently. Or so I’ve heard.”
“Maybe, if my attempt was doomed to failure anyway, I should stop torturing myself and just go back… the idea was so powerful, so healing- like the words contained a strong anesthetic, washing away the mountain of pane I was buried under - that it made me gasp, made me dizzy. I could leave now, I could go back. (…) She deserved better than that. She deserved better than me.“
New Moon outtake, Rosalie’s News - Stephenie Meyer
“The whole world was meaningless. I wondered how much longer I would be able to stand this. (…) Bella’s face, always behind the lids of my eyes, smiled at me. When she left this world, she would go to a place that was forever barred to me. The idea of that final separation was so much more intense than the pain I already had. (…) When Bella went on to the place where she belonged and I never could, I would not linger here behind. There must be oblivion.“ - New Moon outtake, Rosalie’s News // Stephenie Meyer
