#exgirlfriend
I can be happy again.
This is a long entry folks, and it’s about the ongoing story of me and my ex, and this is the final chapter. It’s been an eventful day today involving me and my ex, full of drama, fighting, and then reconciliation.
Where to begin…
It started last night. I was on Facebook talking to one of my ex’s friends that I befriended when I visited in PA. She’s a great person, very supportive, and she was hearing out my problems. We were discussing past relationships. Naturally my ex came up in conversation and I was foolish enough to ask details about her that ended up bothering me. On top of that, a post popped up on my news feed. It was one of my ex’s other friends, and she had posted a big paragraph praising her. I’m not proud of what I did, but I lost control and ended up writing quite a passive aggressive comment about her on that post. It was deleted within like 5 minutes, but that didn’t stop my ex from discovering it.
Fast forward to today and when I come home from school, I find my ex has written me on Skype, asking why I had bothered adding her back as a friend and why I said what I said. I tried to shove the incoming argument away, but there was no avoiding it. We ended up fighting and I said all the things to her to that I didn’t say when we broke up. That she was a bitch. That she didn’t have the decency to own up to what she did. That she was a horrible person. Etc.
How childish am I, right?
And when we finally stopped talking to each other, our mutual friend messaged me, as if on cue. I spent the next hour talking with her, telling her what just happened and spilling out my emotions and how I felt about my entire experience with my ex.
It was then I realized that I was doing something that I should have done long ago. When we broke up, I kept everything bottled up. I went into no contact for a month and tried to move on by myself. The sadness dulled, but there was still a little bit of unchecked anger, bitterness, and emotional pain lingering inside me. I had never properly vented these out. Never talked in detail with anyone about how I felt. About what really happened. Now I was there texting away with my friend, her listening to every bit and piece.
I was healing.
When I argued with my ex, I had finally released my leftover anger. When I talked about it all with my friend and listened to her wise words of experience, I left behind my bitterness and my emotional pains. It was then and there that this weight was finally lifted off my shoulders.
I had been the problem all along. I’m a stubborn and arrogant person, and when I lost my ex I had clung onto this brittle sort of hope. I was so arrogant that I told myself I could fix my ex, fix us. Like I had some sort of lesson to teach her. I hadn’t fully moved on, wouldn’t let go. It was so foolish and childish of me. Just because she had hurt me so badly doesn’t mean she deserved to have me attack her the way I did, and hurt her back. In all my arrogance, I had been so angered by her because I thought she was living some glamorous life, and that she hadn’t learned anything from what she did to me. In reality, she had lost practically all her close friends as a result, and there was now a war within her social circle. I felt awful.
She said it herself. People change. She changed. I just never wanted to accept that the sweet girl I loved so much was gone.
But after today’s events, I did. I finally let go. I finally accepted it. There was just one thing left to fix.
A few hours later I began talking with my ex on Skype again, and I told her that I was done being bitter. I told her pretty much everything I said above. No more bitterness, no more drama, no more bullshit. I told her, “Let’s be friends and never fight again. I can forgive you for what you did…for real this time. Can you forgive me for being a childish prick?”
Her response was yes.
We’re friends again, I’ve finally moved on, and the weight is finally off my shoulder.
Now I just wait. Wait for some special girl to pop into my life and take me by surprise.
I can be happy again.
