Help! People Are Using Nicknames For Each Other!

Dear Abby, 8 October 2021:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been happily married for 10 years. This is a second marriage for both of us. We don’t have children together, but my husband has grown daughters in their 50s from a previous marriage. Generally, we have good relationships with each other.

My problem is, my husband still calls – and refers to – his daughters by their childhood nicknames, “Peanut” and “Poopsie.” They reciprocate by calling him by silly names instead of “Dad” or “Father.” Seeing these adult women reverting to childhood drives me up a wall. They talk and act like little girls and use baby talk with each other, too.

I have shared with my husband more than once that this “innocent” nickname game keeps his daughters stuck in old childhood patterns, while keeping other family members out of the conversation. How would you suggest I handle this? – FEELING LIKE AN OUTSIDER

Dear Feeling Like An Outsider,

One thing people do a lot when they get older is give up harmless and emotionally significant life-long habits because somebody else finds them mildly irritating, so that bodes very well for your situation here!

It’s always healthy to spend your time and energy being angry at people who are doing something that doesn’t have anything the fuck to do with you, affects you not at all, and is absolutely not about you in any possible way.

You should handle this as you already have done, by chastising grown-ass people for the way they talk to each other. That is definitely a mature thing to do, demonstrates that you are the only true adult in the room, and does not at all mimic any old childhood patterns whatsoever.

Continue to “share” your thoughts about how your husband and his daughters communicate, whenever you want and ideally with increasing frequency. They’ll likely be incredibly receptive to your suggestions and appreciate your valuable input. The most likely outcome is that they will thank you profusely for your kind corrections and wish to include you more fully in their lives. You will no longer be an outsider in this particular family, that’s for certain.

Oc vs. Feanor. Oc she is Nerdanel sister and painter