Saw “The Lodge” again tonight after less than a week. There were some things I needed to see again, not from a film making perspective, but from a processing trauma/ psychological perspective.

Spoilers for “The Lodge” from this point on.

The movie is about a family bringing in a new woman/ step mother after the original father and mother divorce, and the mother completes suicide in a very violent way due to not being able to deal with the finalizing of the divorce and the new woman marrying her ex husband.

The kids, mastermind a plot of revenge against the new woman by depriving her of her medications, which keep her mental health in check as she has a very traumatic and religious past. The father decides it’s a good idea to leave this woman with his two kids in a remote lodge during the snow storm season while he completes works, with the intent of joining them on Christmas.

The kids’s plan works, and they drive the woman to the point of insanity, triggering all of her past traumas and causing the woman to harm herself and believe that they’re all already dead (in purgatory). Dad returns just in time, as the woman is about to kill the kids, she kills him instead, the kids try to get away, they get caught up and it is implied that they are also killed by the woman.

—-

Through all of this I was rooting for the kids. Even when it was revealed that they were behind all of this (because you don’t find out until near the end that it was actually a masterfully created plan by the kids), that they tortured this woman, that they made her see ghosts and the demons of her past. I was sad that the kids didn’t make it. I wasn’t sad that the dad was killed or that the woman (it’s implied through elements in the story) killed herself as well.

I really had to investigate why this was. I wasn’t ashamed or scared of my position; rather I was surprised.

Growing up, my own dad often sided with a woman who was not at all good for him or me. Unlike the kids in the movie, I never plotted against her (or her daughter) despite the fact that they made my late childhood and teenage years a miserable, living hell; a hell that would see me become homeless, lose all of my belongings, have to repeat the 8th grade because of instability, my dad going to jail twice, moving to the South to escape her, and then doing it all over again because he kept welcoming her back in. Even after /that/ chapter was over, he continued to entertain other women, put them and their families before me to the point where I had to tell my dad off on Christmas one year to which he said “I’m your father” and I said “Then fucking act like it.” (I received a self righteous slap to the face for that, on Christmas day, but it was that day that my position with him was solidified).

It wouldn’t be until long after he got out of jail, for /yet/ something else, that I would begin to let him back into my life; thanks to a talking to by my cousins in Memphis (with whom I was living after college). Right now, we’re fine, but when I do visit, and see that he keeps pictures of certain folks next to pictures of my own mom, I take pause. He has very poor judgement.

So yeah, that’s that. If you see “The Lodge” and you say “FUCK THEM KIDS” I don’t blame you. They do some Home Alone level fuck shit to that woman on a mental, psychological, and religious level. They /really/ mess her up to the point of no return. But I was on their side because I understood the hurt they felt; and ultimately, it was the dad’s fault.

And that movie triggered all of this.

Help! People Are Using Nicknames For Each Other!

Dear Abby, 8 October 2021:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been happily married for 10 years. This is a second marriage for both of us. We don’t have children together, but my husband has grown daughters in their 50s from a previous marriage. Generally, we have good relationships with each other.

My problem is, my husband still calls – and refers to – his daughters by their childhood nicknames, “Peanut” and “Poopsie.” They reciprocate by calling him by silly names instead of “Dad” or “Father.” Seeing these adult women reverting to childhood drives me up a wall. They talk and act like little girls and use baby talk with each other, too.

I have shared with my husband more than once that this “innocent” nickname game keeps his daughters stuck in old childhood patterns, while keeping other family members out of the conversation. How would you suggest I handle this? – FEELING LIKE AN OUTSIDER

Dear Feeling Like An Outsider,

One thing people do a lot when they get older is give up harmless and emotionally significant life-long habits because somebody else finds them mildly irritating, so that bodes very well for your situation here!

It’s always healthy to spend your time and energy being angry at people who are doing something that doesn’t have anything the fuck to do with you, affects you not at all, and is absolutely not about you in any possible way.

You should handle this as you already have done, by chastising grown-ass people for the way they talk to each other. That is definitely a mature thing to do, demonstrates that you are the only true adult in the room, and does not at all mimic any old childhood patterns whatsoever.

Continue to “share” your thoughts about how your husband and his daughters communicate, whenever you want and ideally with increasing frequency. They’ll likely be incredibly receptive to your suggestions and appreciate your valuable input. The most likely outcome is that they will thank you profusely for your kind corrections and wish to include you more fully in their lives. You will no longer be an outsider in this particular family, that’s for certain.

Hearing your kids bio mom get mad that our son is cussing more and making inappropriate jokes/blaming their internet usage and trying to decide how to ‘punish them’.

Vs

Me a queer, csa survivor, that is seeing all the warning signs and wanting an open talk with our kid so they know they’re safe and valid‍

Coparenting is hard at times y’all.