Last night I was allowed to go down on My Love. We were really worked up and it seemed like it was a rougher session than normal. It was almost like I was fucking her with my face. I grabbed her with both arms and was moving her up and down while licking her. The whole bed was shaking which is not usually normal when one is performing oral.
After she came, she said “None for you tonight. If your lucky, I’ll let you do that again Friday night.”
During this whole time she never once touched or even acknowledged her locked toy.
After going down on her and give her an orgasm she rolls over and we spoon. I can feel her warm wetness soaking through my cage. This will be my only sexual pleasure tonight. She then sits up, and while putting her panties back on she said “Are you straining in your cage?”
She stated “We are out of beer, what are we going to do?” I replied jokingly “You’re gonna put on pants and go get us some!” She said “I am? Who holds the keys? (grabs my crotch) Who is the Queen? Who’s going to put on pants on go get some beer?” I replied “I am”.
1. Cotopaxi Bataan Del Dia Fanny Pack. My first clue that 2020 was going to be weird should have been when I coveted my wife’s fanny pack.Was I really giving a second look to the fashion staple of the 80s that I was certain I would never sport around my waist? I was. But let’s face it, when you’re going for a long walk (and there were many of those in 2020) and your pockets can only hold so much, a fanny pack is the perfect accessory for your phone, a bottle of water, and keys. I like to say that my wife, who neither she nor I would label as fashion-forward or clothes-minded, makes roughly three to five style decisions each year. This year she hit the jackpot by looking back at what I thought was a relic of the past, an artifact only to be found in photos of tourists waiting in line at Disney, and gave life to my new favorite old accessory. Thank you, Erin.
2. Red-tailed Hawks. The world was sad this year. At times, March, April and May especially, it seemed like we all had our heads down. I was no exception. What the pandemic took from my calendar it paid back in extra servings of anxiety, worry, and uncertainty. My head was down, too. But on days when I went outside and into nature, I tried to remember to look up, to search the trees - bare and brown in the beginning, but robust and bursting with delicate green leaves by June - and I’d always see a red-tailed hawk patiently perched, effortlessly camouflaged, poised for flight without warning. Sometimes I’d even spot them soaring the skies above the treetops, gliding without so much as a feather flap of their kite-like wings. The hawks, like other animals have shown me at low moments in life, became a mainstay of my time outside in 2020. I watched out for them daily and they were always there, giving me a reason to look up.
3. Schitt’s Creek. In the dark, uncertain first weeks of the coronavirus pandemic, and through the periods of lockdown and quarantine that followed, Schitt’s Creek was my entertainment oasis, my welcomed interruption from the daily infection numbers that news anchors reported from behind their makeshift home offices. Despite being a lifelong Catherine O’Hara fan and walking past oversized show posters plastered to subway station walls for two years, it took decamping to Connecticut for me to invest in watching the lives of Johnny, Moira, David, and Alexis unfold in their adopted and ambiguously-located town of Schitt’s Creek. I started with a binge, speeding through the first two seasons, but by season three I paced myself for fear of landing on the final season too soon. I cried during “Life Is a Cabaret”, and then re-watched some especially hilarious episodes until I reached the inevitable end of the streaming rainbow. In a time of such immense suffering and crippling uncertainty, this show was more than just 20-something minutes of comedy. It was a reason to laugh when there seemingly was none.
Also Check Out: Some of my very favorite Schitt’s Creek episodes include “The Hospies”, “Allez-Vous”, and “Wine and Roses”.
4. Portrait of a Lady on Fire. It’s no surprise that a film about a gay love affair set in a time when there were no words for a same sex romance made it onto this list: it’s a plot line that, for me, never dulls with each unique reincarnation. And while I believe the world needs to see, hear, and read more LGBTQ love stories, “Portrait of a Lady on Fire” surpassed this simple aspiration and rightfully earned its place on this list for an equally simple reason: it’s a quietly beautiful and visually stunning film with dialogue that strikes just the right balance between superfluous and stark. The main characters (Marianne and Heloise) are two 18th century women way ahead of their time by standards of self-actualization and emotional awareness, which was enough to send my “oh this is not going to end well” meter into overdrive. From their first meeting on the shores of a windswept island off the Brittany coast, it’s obvious that whatever spark exists between them will be bright, but brief, exquisite, but tragic, as I suspect many gay romances were in the late 1700s. “Portrait of a Lady On Fire” unfolds slowly at first, using side glances and nuances to reveal Marianne and Heloise to each other in a way that feels secretive and special. We all know how this story will end, but we can’t look away and we hope that love will win hundreds of years before its time.
Also worth checking out: “Becoming”, the Michelle Obama documentary, provided a wonderful portrait of our most dynamic, modern, and interesting First Lady while giving me hope for a return to decency in the White House in 2021.
5. Audm. I like to think that despite the protests, the deepening divides in the U.S., the unprecedented devastation, and the tumult that defined 2020, it was a year of listening. Public health officials, demonstrators, world leaders, and politicians all spoke louder than ever in 2020, and we listened even if we didn’t like what they said. As the COVID-19 fatalities rose and health inequity became increasingly more apparent in our communities, we heard ourselves echoed in the country’s collective conversations about race, health, and injustice. Through the noise of the year, I did a lot of listening via Audm, an app that narrates longform journalism from dozens of sources, including Vanity Fair,The New Republic,The Atlantic, Rolling Stone and many more. Having access to myriad articles and news outlets I would never have the time to sit down and enjoy was one of my first discoveries of the pandemic, and it’s one that I’ll continue to rely on long after these dark days are behind us. Whether it was on long walks, car rides to escape the monotony of home, or just a lazy afternoon outside, Audm made it possible to listen more in a year that was filled with so much noise.
Honorable mention: “The Daily”, the podcast from the New York Times continues to be at the top of my essential must-listen-list. Each episode renews my love for journalism and storytelling.
6. Chili Crisp. Is it called chili crisp or chili crunch? I’ll leave the debate to informed foodies to settle. Either way, this delicious chili-infused oil was a late addition to the 2020 Favorite Things list, but no less deserving of its spot here. Made with crunchy bits of peppercorns, garlic, shallots, and other assorted ingredients depending on your recipe of choice, this condiment is perfect on eggs, toast, sandwiches, vegetables and just about anything else that needs a boost of flavor. So is it crisp or is it crunch? It doesn’t matter. Just eat it.
7. Yellow Lentil Dal. I love spicy food, I crave spicy food, and every few weeks I need to re-expose my taste buds to dishes that either take me to another part of the world or introduce me to a new culinary world while gently knocking my socks off. I knew this about myself before the pandemic, but in the weeks of quarantine, and avoiding take-out, my need for spice intensified. Moving from New York City to Connecticut - not exactly a culinary mecca overflowing with a diversity of ethnic food options – presented another challenge. The solution was found in “Flavorwalla”, a cookbook by Floyd Cardoz, the late Indian-American chef we tragically lost this year. His 344-page book contains recipes for every palate and preference, and a variety of occasions, from cooking for two to special dinner parties. And yes, there are pictures, too. My favorite Flavorwalla dish that I made twice within a two-week span is a Cardoz’s yellow lentil dal. With just 12 simple ingredients, it’s a super quick meal that cooks in one pot and satisfies my need for spice, if only for a few days.
Honorable mention: The cookbook “Alpine Cooking” by Meredith Erickson is also worth checking out for its incredible photography and descriptions of a the cozy mountain towns of Italy, Austria, Switzerland, and France.
8. David’s Ankles. With the help of the Audm app (#5 on this list), I consumed a lot of great journalism this year.The unwieldy and dark life of Doris Duke; the state of genetic testing in Denmark; the conspiracy theory behind Britney Spears’ Instagram posts; a love story told 72 years later; the staying power of Cher and so many morearticles lifted me up, brought me to tears, and left me happy, confused, angry or inspired. But one article took me back in time to 2001 when, as a very young traveler, I stood in front of Michelangelo’s 17-foot statue of Davidand didn’t look away for what could have been hours.Written by Sam Anderson and published by the New York Times, the article goes deep into the long, flawed history of the marble slab that eventually became “the Giant” as David is known in Florence, its three-year journey down the side of an Italian mountain before Michelangelo’s birth, decades of neglect that followed, years surrounding the statue’s plagued creation, and the nearly four troubled centuries that David spent watching Italy evolve around his massive feet while enduring the brutality of mother nature (wind, sun, rain, and pigeon feces) and human nature (desecration, abuse, and dismemberment).Supportingthe art history lesson, Anderson masterfully weaves in the personal narrative of his obsession with David, his compulsion to mimic the sculpture’s perfection in the decades following their first encounter and the hairline cracks that are slowly coursing their way beneath the surface of David’s fragile ankles today – a reminder that nothing, even the most impeccable specimen of human creation – lasts forever.
In a year when boarding an airplane was considered reckless and dangerous,I ping-ponged between Connecticut and New York by car and put my long distance travel dreams aside, save for the brief period in August when an author and his article transported me back in time to my 21-year old self meeting Davidfor the first time.
9. Peloton. In 2014 I added spinning to my annual round-up list, citing that it encompassed a few of my favorite things: sweating profusely, loud music, spandex outfits, and getting yelled at by a live instructor. Six years later, my love for spinning has only grown stronger, as I’ve continued to get it all out on the bike in my tight pants with house music and clever remixes making my legs move faster faster faster with each class. This year, like so many of my fellow riders, I ditched the live studio experience, clipped into the Peloton community from the narrow seat of my own bike, and dug deep to keep the positive vibes pumping. I don’t miss the live classes in the company of others (the pandemic has, perhaps, made me more of an introvert), and I know the Peloton instructors to turn to when I want to be pushed just a little harder.
10. Taste the Nation. Padma Lakshmi: ever heard of her? I, of course, knew her as the host of “Top Chef”, but without ever watching more than 30 seconds of the reality show, she was just another famous person to me. That changed in June when I watched her Hulu show “Taste the Nation.” As an immigrant herself, Padma (we’re on a first name basis now) explores American cuisine by diving deep into the various immigrant groups who shaped what we know today as American food. Part travelogue, but largely a candid and forthright scouring of the untold history of food in this country, the show (and Padma) uncover the origins of burritos, hot dogs, chop suey, pad thai, poke, and more. In a year when I was not traveling anywhere outside of the tri-state area, but dying to see something new, “Taste the Nation” took me across the country, introduced me to new people, provided culinary history lessons, and gave me a new friend in Padma.
Outdoor Voices Rec Shorts I was a late bloomer for Outdoor Voices. While countless women were singing the praises of the company’s famous leggings, I was certain that within the casual shorts genre, nothing could surpass my love for classic Patagonia Baggies shorts. But Outdoor Voices Rec shorts, so comfy and perfect for slipping on in the hot summer when decency laws require you to wear something to leave the house, come really close.
Lucien Albrecht Cremont Rosé All rosé is not created equal. Thanks to my wife, who suggested we serve this delicious sparkling beverage to our wedding guests in 2018, I know that now. My wine education has only just begun and while I still struggle to tell a chardonnay from a Riesling, I’ll be coming back to this Lucien Albrecht sparkling rosé for years (and anniversaries) to come. Cheers!
No.6 Pull-On Shearling Clog Boots Weird things happen in New York City. The neighbor you’ve lived next to for a decade turns out to be a hoarder; the dry cleaner closes without warning and holds your sweaters hostage. But the weird things can be good things, too. I noticed my first pair of No. 6 Pull-On Shearling Clog Boots walking up Madison Avenue on an early Fall day. Oh, those are cute, I remember thinking while turning to get another look. From there, the flood gates opened and it was impossible to venture anywhere in the city without seeing No. 6 clogs in every neighborhood, on the subway, at work, and of course, on those very clever Instagram ads. All of a sudden, they were everywhere. It was as if the universe, and New York City, was trying to tell me something: buy the clogs. Weird. But also wonderful, as they are the most comfortable pair of boots I own. And where nature failed to give me an extra inch of height, No. 6 clogs make up for the shortcomings of my DNA.
Sphen and Magic This list wouldn’t be complete without a touch of gay fairy dust, and in 2018 there was a lot of gay fairy dust to go around. In India, same-sex couples were granted the right to marry and in Colorado, Jared Polis was the first gay man elected governor in the history of the United States. The fairy dust also spread to Sea Life Sydney Aquarium in Australia where Sphen and Magic, two male gentoo penguins, took part in the ritual of building a nest made of pebbles for each other. When their caretakers noticed Sphen and Magic’s budding romance and how bonded the two birds had become, they gave them an egg to incubate together, spreading the gay fairy dust even further and making “Sphengic” the first known same-sex penguin couple.
J.Crew Cashmere Boyfriend Sweater Finally, J.Crew made an affordable cashmere sweater that doesn’t pill, shred, molt or otherwise fall to pieces after wearing it twice. I never thought they’d get it right, but they did and I’ll be wearing this sweater in multiple colors (and with a monogram, fyi) all winter long.
Green Smoothie This was the year I finally started to juice things and make drinks that look gross, but taste amazing. My favorite recipe calls for kale, cucumber, apples, ginger, and celery blended together with water and then passed through a strainer. Delicious!
Accidentally Wes Anderson For anyone who needs to be transported to a peculiar world of symmetrical buildings, colorful interiors, and architecture that delights in the faded grandeur of real-world places, the Instagram account known as @accidentallywesanderson is a must follow. What started as a subreddit by Wally Koval is now its own Instagram handle with over 570,000 followers and daily posts that cover the globe, showing all things twee, precious, and carefully curated in that signature Wes Anderson style.
Apple AirPods My sincerest apologies to anyone I may have mislabeled as a robot for sporting AirPods. I maintain that they make us look more like droids and less like, well, humans, but they’ve also completely amped up my workouts, changed my commute, and made it possible to tolerate the noise of everyday life by blocking it out.
This is Life With Lisa Ling Longform journalism is hard to pull off. Budgets are short and attention spans are even shorter. But as someone who first discovered a love of storytelling through news magazine shows, the format of researching a story, embedding, and getting to the truth of an experience or an issue, there’s nothing more compelling than watching a story take shape for an hour. Lisa Ling’s CNN show “This is Life” took me there this year, into the heart of the heroin epidemic, through the deep south, and to Asia for the world’s most celebrated transgender beauty pageant, just to name a few topics she covered. Ling’s show has renewed my love for longform journalism and discovering more about everything I don’t know yet.
Fort Tryon Park When I told people that my wife and I were moving to Inwood, most responded by referencing the fabulous dog park there. They were right. The Sir William dog run in Fort Tryon Park is amazing and has done wonders for our small pup. In the spring and summer months, when the sun doesn’t go down until 8pm, it’s easy to spend 90 minutes watching him fetch sticks, kick dirt, and make fellow dog friends in the park’s huge expanse. For some, it’s just a park, but for dog owners, it’s a community.
A Little Life I was warned about this book. “You’re really doing it,” asked the person who sold it to me. And “oooh, that’s a tough one,” said many others who spotted my paperback and were compelled to talk to me about their experience with Hanya Yanagihara’s novel. 700 pages later, I get it: the concern, the warning, confiding in a stranger about the deep wound that this book leaves its readers. The story is heavy and heartbreaking. And it’s also one of the most the most incredible books I’ve ever read. I don’t regret reading “A Little Life” like some warned me I would. I only regret that I can’t read it for the first time again.
Because 2017 just wouldn’t have been the same without the discovery of something fizzy, new shoes, an incredible book, a lazy lawn game, a baby hippopotamus, a new app, women empowerment, running shorts, prescription meds, and a love story. Behold, the list:
1. Celery Soda
I’m not a big soda drinker. And I’m not even a celery super fan, so I was as surprised as anyone that I found the unexpected marriage of carbonation with the subtle hint of something green to be so delicious. I won’t be popping the top off of a Coke anytime soon, but I’ll gladly keep stock of celery soda for a fizzy refresh.
(Tip: Doc Brown’s Cel-Ray is great, but if you can make it to Made Nice in NYC, they’ve got the best celery soda fountain drink.)
2. Pons Sandals
I wasn’t expecting a lot. All I needed was a pair of leather sandals that could stand the test of a sticky hot summer in the city, so when I found Pons, a super simple sandal that fit my basic requirements in a Chinatown pop-up, I gave them a chance at being my summer go-to. Pons, with their uncomplicated, straight-forward design – a result of 72 years of handcrafting in Spain – translated to an easy, painless and blister-free break-in and my favorite sandal.
(Notable mention: The Camper Oruga Heel Strap Sandal is equally versatile and with a throwback look to the original Teva sandal.)
3. All The Light We Cannot See
My daily commute got longer this year and with it so did my reading list. I called it my Reading Renaissance because I fell in love with stories again and the feeling of not wanting to leave a world captured within the pages of a book. Anthony Doerr’s Pulitzer Prize-winning All The Light We Cannot See, a compelling and often heartbreaking story of morality, survival, and love told through the lives of two young Europeans on opposing sides of World War II, held me close for all of its 530 pages, and turned my daily treks across Manhattan into an escape that always ended too soon.
(Also check out Shoe Dog, the incredible memoir of how Nike founder Phil Knight conceived, launched and almost lost one of the most influential brands in the world)
4. Cornhole
How did it take me so long to fully discover the joy of cornhole!? Sure, I’ve been a casual player for a few years, but my brother-in-law made me a custom cornhole set for my birthday, thus taking my love for the game to a new (and slightly competitive) level. It’s the ultimate summer-time hang out game!
5. Fiona The Hippo
Between planning escape routes in case of a North Korean missile striking New York City, wringing my hands, and yelling at our current president for pretty much anything he said, I tried to find happy news that had nothing to do with possible nuclear war or politics. I found was 29 pounds of exactly what I needed to smile: Fiona the Hippo. Born six weeks early at the Cincinnati Zoo in late January, Baby Fiona, with her chubby hippo body and gigantic smile, was my daily moment of news joy this year.
6. Transit App
Year after year, I keep saying that I’m working on being more patient. But waiting for a bus in New York City can be the ultimate test. Enter the Transit app, a real-time location tracker of subways and buses with up-to-the-second accuracy that has yet to let me down. I’m still trying to be more patient in other areas of my life, but with the Transit app, at least I know how long I need to try.
7. The Women’s Movement
Has there ever been a more empowering and exciting time to be a woman? Actually, yes. Women gaining the right to vote in 1920; Jeanette Rankin becoming the first woman to serve in the Senate in 1922; and Sandra Day O’Connor being sworn in as the first female Supreme Court Justice in 1981, just to name a few seminal accomplishments. But for someone who wasn’t alive to witness the legislative milestones of the 1920s and too young to remember when the glass ceiling of the nation’s highest court was shattered, the women’s movement of 2017 - from January’s epic march that spanned 680 cities and 137 countries worldwide, to the reboot of the Me Too movement - was the most inspiring and electrifying cultural shifts in years. And we’re just getting started.
8. Nike Modern Tempo Running Shorts
If you’re a woman and a runner who has never had a perfectly good run ruined by your shorts chafing the inside of your legs, you won’t understand the miracle that is the Nike Modern Tempo short. For the rest of the female athletes in the world, there’s hope. I almost gave up on running shorts altogether and resigned myself strictly to tights, but these made me a true believer in running without paying the price afterwards.
9. Clomicalm
This one is as much for me as it is for my small rescue dog, Dill, who has been working hard on overcoming his separation anxiety since October 2016. Sometimes, though, you just need a small pharmaceutical intervention to deal with the challenges of everyday life – even if you’re a dog who has it pretty good. Dill got on a low dose in 2017 and three weeks later life got a whole lot better. Thank you, Clomicalm (and Dill’s vet).
10. Call Me By Your Name
I’m not surprised that Call Me By Your Name made it onto my annual favorite things list. It does, after all, include some of my most favorite things: early 80’s fashion, Italy, director Luca Guadagnino, and gay themes. But it’s just how much I love this movie that’s surprising. The third in Guadagnino’s desire trilogy (I Am LoveandA Bigger Splash are also among my favorites from years past), Call Me By Your Name is the delicate, subtle, and elegant story of Elio and Oliver whose unexpected love surpasses their time in history and is also limited by the fact that in 1983 being gay was simply not an option for many young men. The film is like a vivid, enchanted dream with dialogue that reveals entire characters in quick, but poignant and direct lines. And like a good dream, I didn’t want Call Me By Your Name to end.
Last night on Skype, Reaction Junkie asked me how hard it is for me to carry on conversation when I have something in my holes. Thinking that he wanted me to fuck myself with a dildo while we talked, I thought back to all the times I’d Skyped with The Super Sadist and Marxman while fucking myself. I told him that having something in me wasn’t very distracting.
“Good,” he said. Then he asked, “How long can you wear a plug for? Can you wear a buttplug for eight hours?” I hemmed and hawed until he finally said, “Can. You. Wear. A. Plug. For. Eight. Hours?” “Yes, dear,” I responded, looking down. He smiled at me and informed me, “You’ll be wearing your plug for eight hours at work tomorrow.”
I was happy to do so, and said that it might even be helpful, since I’m seeing Legolas today and plan to be prepared for anal. Reaction Junkie thought for a moment and said, “Well, maybe you should have something in your cunt, too.” I wasn’t sure and said, “I don’t know if I have anything that will stay in.” “That depends how tight your underwear is, doesn’t it?” he responded. I agreed, and he informed me that I would keep my small dildo in my pussy during work, and when I leave for happy hour tonight, I’m to switch it to a larger one.
I smiled, despite knowing it could get uncomfortable. He hasn’t given me many, if any orders like this, that last for an extended time and provide a constant reminder of my place, and I really enjoy them. I lovelovelove our switchy dynamic, and wouldn’t change it. However, it does lend itself to a reduction in the time I spend feeling properly subby, since I feel as though I could take control at any moment. Of course, realistically I know that he owns me, that he’s in charge, that he enjoys bottoming and the feel of submitting so he allows me to play at that role, but I don’t always feel that truth on a deeper level. Sometimes I miss falling into submission like I used to, that heady feeling of being controlled, the fuzzy warmth of being owned.
With this instruction, to have two of my holes filled all day, I can feel a bit of that old subby headspace coming back, especially as I write this. It’s intoxicating and makes me want to think more subby thoughts. I want to be obedient and fulfill the orders given to me. The large dildo may be uncomfortable, but I’m not going to ask for him to change his orders. I risk public humiliation if someone notices or if the dildo slips out. That doesn’t matter. I’m going to do what he told me to do. Because I don’t have a choice. When he says to do something, I do it. Property doesn’t get to refuse, doesn’t get to haggle or negotiate.
So, I’m going to sit all day at my desk, my cunt soaked from being filled. Not only from that, of course, I’m also wet from the knowledge that two of my holes are stuffed at the direction of my owner and that I’m willing to obey him at all times, even at work. And I’m happy to do it. I’m grateful that he is willing to spend the time and attention on me to give an order like this. I’m glad for the reminder of my real place as owned property.
I can pretend to be an independent person. Can say that I have my own job, my own apartment, my own life. But coming to work with a dildo in my cunt and a plug in my ass proves that in actuality, I’m an obedient, eager to please, desperate girl who craves giving up that independence in order to submit and be controlled. To give up ownership of myself to be owned by someone else.
