#thinking about my kink
Last night on Skype, Reaction Junkie asked me how hard it is for me to carry on conversation when I have something in my holes. Thinking that he wanted me to fuck myself with a dildo while we talked, I thought back to all the times I’d Skyped with The Super Sadist and Marxman while fucking myself. I told him that having something in me wasn’t very distracting.
“Good,” he said. Then he asked, “How long can you wear a plug for? Can you wear a buttplug for eight hours?” I hemmed and hawed until he finally said, “Can. You. Wear. A. Plug. For. Eight. Hours?” “Yes, dear,” I responded, looking down. He smiled at me and informed me, “You’ll be wearing your plug for eight hours at work tomorrow.”
I was happy to do so, and said that it might even be helpful, since I’m seeing Legolas today and plan to be prepared for anal. Reaction Junkie thought for a moment and said, “Well, maybe you should have something in your cunt, too.” I wasn’t sure and said, “I don’t know if I have anything that will stay in.” “That depends how tight your underwear is, doesn’t it?” he responded. I agreed, and he informed me that I would keep my small dildo in my pussy during work, and when I leave for happy hour tonight, I’m to switch it to a larger one.
I smiled, despite knowing it could get uncomfortable. He hasn’t given me many, if any orders like this, that last for an extended time and provide a constant reminder of my place, and I really enjoy them. I lovelovelove our switchy dynamic, and wouldn’t change it. However, it does lend itself to a reduction in the time I spend feeling properly subby, since I feel as though I could take control at any moment. Of course, realistically I know that he owns me, that he’s in charge, that he enjoys bottoming and the feel of submitting so he allows me to play at that role, but I don’t always feel that truth on a deeper level. Sometimes I miss falling into submission like I used to, that heady feeling of being controlled, the fuzzy warmth of being owned.
With this instruction, to have two of my holes filled all day, I can feel a bit of that old subby headspace coming back, especially as I write this. It’s intoxicating and makes me want to think more subby thoughts. I want to be obedient and fulfill the orders given to me. The large dildo may be uncomfortable, but I’m not going to ask for him to change his orders. I risk public humiliation if someone notices or if the dildo slips out. That doesn’t matter. I’m going to do what he told me to do. Because I don’t have a choice. When he says to do something, I do it. Property doesn’t get to refuse, doesn’t get to haggle or negotiate.
So, I’m going to sit all day at my desk, my cunt soaked from being filled. Not only from that, of course, I’m also wet from the knowledge that two of my holes are stuffed at the direction of my owner and that I’m willing to obey him at all times, even at work. And I’m happy to do it. I’m grateful that he is willing to spend the time and attention on me to give an order like this. I’m glad for the reminder of my real place as owned property.
I can pretend to be an independent person. Can say that I have my own job, my own apartment, my own life. But coming to work with a dildo in my cunt and a plug in my ass proves that in actuality, I’m an obedient, eager to please, desperate girl who craves giving up that independence in order to submit and be controlled. To give up ownership of myself to be owned by someone else.
littlefeministbitch :’-) might as well be you
This is perfect. And I love that you thought of me when you saw it. :D Thank you!
You know I don’t need a gun pointed at me for me to be ready, willing, and eager to please you.
That’s not why you do it.
You do it because of the way I react. Because of the way I look at you. Because of the way my breathing changes. Because of the way I tremble, ever so slightly.
You do it because you know I crave that heady combination of danger, fear, violence, power, and arousal. Because you know how it makes me feel. Because you know how wet my cunt gets. Because you know how much I love it.
You do it because you’re just that kind of guy.
I never understand the threat in these pics. I get that being threatened with a gun is hot but this makes no sense. The pics always have the girl giving head while the guy points the gun (usually at her head). If he pulled the trigger the first thing that would happen is she would reflexively convulse and bite off his dick…
Ahahahahaha I died when I read the bit about the reflexive convulsion. You’re very right.
What I like doesn’t really involve pointing it at me to get me to do anything, definitely not give head. the caption I wrote really does describe what kind of gunplay I enjoy. I just like having a gun pointed at me and getting death threats. Guns are scary/hot in and of themselves.
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Daily Picture Assignment #17
On the train on the way to therapy, touching myself because I know it will make Reaction Junkie smile. I love making him smile. Because he owns me and I want to be good for him, of course, but also because I love him and want to see him happy.
I should be proactive in my submission more often. I should think of things to do for him, not just wait passively for instructions. Our d/s is a two way street. I think I forget the s-side of the slash and focus too much on the d-side, on being dominated, ordered around, and controlled. I’m going to spend more energy on my submission, by being more obedient, yes, but also by thinking of things to do for him without being asked. Proactive submission.
I ask him to remind me of my place frequently. It’s only right I should make an effort to remind him of his.
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Stop fetishizing guns.
I’m both highly amused and more than a little turned on.
I couldn’t not reblog this. I might be in love with it.
I agree. Guns are tools of self defense or hunting. They have no place in play of any kind. I own plenty of guns and have plenty of experience and I love beating the shit out of women. Scaring them. Making them cry. However, I would never use a firearm to do anything but protect me and mine, feed me and mine, or practice. Ever. It’s not cute.
Well that’s just boring!
How about this: I’ve been a martial artist and MMA coach for 15 years. I don’t need a gun to scare or dominate a little bitty girl. I could break your fragile little necks with one arm.
Really though. As many accidents as there are with firearms, most of them are out of carelessness and stupidity like “gun play”. Treat all guns as if they are loaded at all times. Don’t point them at anything that you don’t want to destroy and answer for before a jury.
Ahhhh… It’s always been a fantasy of mine to be fucked by a gun, to feel the metal, mmmmmfuck!!!
Yeah I have to agree. Play safe and all. But safety goes for any kind of play. Knifes, needles, breath etc..
‘Don’t point them at anything that you don’t want to destroy’. See that’s ok cause I know plenty of people that would love to damage and break me down.
That’s where my mind goes with the “don’t point them at anything you don’t want to destroy” thing, too. I actually have a post about a super hot conversation around that idea you might enjoy. And I’ve done some gunplay.
If you’re into gunplay, it doesn’t matter if you’re playing with someone who doesn’t need to use one to scare or dominate you. That’s not the point. Being physically dominated is one thing, but having a gun pointed at you is an entirely different thing.
The serious risk is part of the appeal. The feeling of powerlessness that comes with having a gun pointed at you is part of the appeal. The profound fear that runs through you when you’re being threatened at gunpoint is part of the appeal. The deep-seated association of guns with violence is part of the appeal. The taboo nature of violating basic gun safety like that is part of the appeal. The fact that someone is willing to destroy you is part of the appeal.
owlmandead isn’t wrong about safety, though. All kinks have risks, and this kink is a step above many others in terms of potential negative outcomes. If you do gunplay with real guns, you’re doing something very dangerous. If something goes wrong, bottoms are taking the risk of being shot and killed, and tops are taking the risk of shooting and killing someone. Those are very high stakes.
If you want to experience gunplay, but (probably wisely) don’t want to take that risk, you can always have a partner (preferably one who actually owns guns, so you won’t be suspicious just because they have one) get a very realistic fake without telling you. It would probably only really work once (although even if you knew it was fake, it could be a lot of fun), since you likely wouldn’t fall for it again, but that one time would be awesome.
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I was asked by a follower what it was I found sexual about punching a girl. This was asked some time ago and in response to something I said. I think I have time to finally sit down at a keyboard and put together an answer.
Some people want instant gratification and to those people I say this: I’m a sadist, I enjoy it.
Now for a more complete answer. Some people like their nipples pinched during sex and they find that erotic. Some people like to be scratched, to feel nails rake their skin. Some people are into choking. Slapping. Spanking. Paddles. Crops. Canes. Bullwhips. Cattleprods. If those things are all sexual, in terms of eroticising pain, why should a punch surprise anyone?
I suspect, though I could be way off the mark, that it’s because a punch is something you do in the middle of a brawl and all the other things I listed are either unlikely to be done in a fight or so theatrical and scene specific as to be completely disconnected with violence. In part I guess it’s that very base nature of it that makes me like punching a girl. It surprises them.
To be clear I’m not talking about a right hook to the jaw. Well, not for the most part. I’d be lying to say that if a girl admitted being punched in the face was within her limits that I would choose not to do it. That aside I am, for the most part, talking about very specific types of punching. One is a form of corporal punishment. Just like spanking I will literally take my fist and drive it into a girl’s buttocks or thighs repeatedly until knuckle-patterned bruises form. It’s a quirk on spanking and it’s fun. Another is tit punching. Some girls have large breasts that hang and wobble and shake amusingly. Sometimes you have to slap them around. Sometimes you have to punch hem. The last is perhaps my favourite and that’s gut punching.
One single blow to the belly can completely wind a girl and even take her from her feet if you’re lucky. It’s something to do just as her arousal is building up, just when she’s on the edge of losing her mind. A severely ruined orgasm. Build her up and then put a fist in her stomach to take her right down again.Considering the breath play, needle play, knife play, cigarette play and the like we see on S&M blogs every day the level of violence represented by a punch really shouldn’t be all that shocking but at least now I hope you understand it a little better.
To once more return to the concise answer: I find your submission sexually arousing and allowing me to punch you is a very submissive act.
I can say from the other side that this is really on point.
Being punched and kicked are my favorite kind of impact. They’re more personal, more connected, and more degrading than being hit with an implement. I especially love being punched and kicked in the back of my thighs and my ass.
And being punched in the stomach is fucking fantastic.
Reaction Junkie and I had plans to do dinner and head to the party together on Saturday. Also, he’d just gotten a kitten! He’s fostering the adorable critter, and I was definitely excited to meet her. I headed to his place and was greeted at the door by an adorably post-nap Reaction Junkie holding a tiny creature in his arms. I squeed over her and provided some highly intellectual commentary. “Kitten!” We played with her for a while, watching her run around and play with toys.
Finally, we had to go eat, so we headed out. We ordered and I pulled out my card to pay for both of us. Reaction Junkie said he’d been planning to treat me, which was super sweet. I’ll have to let him do that another time. I don’t mind paying most of the time, depending on circumstances, but after dating someone who basically never paid, and when he did pay, wanted me to pay him back, I’m happy to be dating someone who is at least willing to pay sometimes.
After dinner, we headed back to Reaction Junkie’s place to wait for our ride and play with the kitten. We waited for a while, and then decided to just take the train in. When we got to the station, we ran into another friend of his. That’s something I like about him. He knows a lot of people, which means I get to meet a lot of people. It reminds me of how meeting MLAM greatly expanded my social circle, and definitely for the better.
When we got to the play space, I again felt no urge to do my customary social-anxiety-hide-in-the-bathroom-for-five-minutes thing, and simply started talking to people. I started chatting with a guy from happy hour who I’d spoken with a few times, Denver. He’s a subby type, and we started flirting a little back and forth. Eventually, I suggested a scene, and he agreed and we negotiated, although he wanted half an hour to settle in. Obviously that was fine with me, and I continued talking to people until he came over and asked if I was ready.
To be honest, I was nervous about being more than incidentally toppy in a public space, especially with someone new. We talked for a little while, he showed me the hitty things he’d brought, and I relaxed a bit. We found a space to play and I had him take off all his clothes except for his underwear. I started warming him up with my hands, spanking him and scratching my nails down his back.Then I started using the implements he’d brought. I hit him with the ping pong paddle, the nice side of the mean paddle (per his request), and a crop. I was talking to him and looking for reactions the whole time, but it was a little difficult to hear and my heart/vagina wasn’t really in it. We had kind of an awkward rapport. I did enjoy hitting him though.
About when I was feeling done with the scene, we got interrupted by some people who were going to do something in the space we were in. It was bad that we got interrupted, but I was also a little glad. Trying to do something I’m not confident about, in public, and without being into it was an unpleasant experience. I checked in with him afterwards and he seemed agitated about being interrupted. I asked him about it and he said he wasn’t, but he definitely seemed like he was. I asked him for comments and he said it was mostly good, but that I should take it “more seriously.” Either that or take a different attitude, like a high school bitch type. I know I may need work on my domly dom domminess, but also, I’m just never gonna be like that to any significant extent. I have much more fun being sarcastic and snarky and talking to the person I’m playing with and being a bitch and having fun with it. Maybe that just means Denver and I aren’t a good match as play partners.
I was feeling sort of unsettled after the unsatisfying scene, so I went and talked to some happy hour people. After a little while, I went over to Reaction Junkie and informed him that I wasn’t going to ask permission to go to the bathroom that night. He looked at me and said I’d be punished. I responded, “No. I won’t.” because my original intent for the evening was to at least try and be dommy and toppy for him. He’s so good to me, basically letting me sub out nearly all the time when we play, even though I know he’d like to have a chance to be all bottomy with me. I can deal with service topping for him, or having him top from the bottom, and I’m definitely up for doing that, especially when he mixes in a bit of being controlling and using a dom voice. But I also want to be able to just straight up top him, be a bit dommy, and get into the right headspace so I can fully enjoy taking on those roles in and of themselves and maybe even start feeling confident being the one making decisions and directing things.
When I was done talking to Reaction Junkie, I went over to The Unknown Quantity and started talking to him. He invited me to do a scene and my immediate response was an excited “Yes!” I felt like that would be just what I needed to pull me out of the funk I was in.
I haven’t been engaging in consensual misogyny/fulfilling my misogyny kink very much lately. I miss it. I got some misogyny when I played with Legolas last week, I talked about it with Cunt Destroyer on Sunday and Reaction Junkie teased a bit of it, asking for someone to apologize on behalf of their gender, which I did, and then I got to Skype with The Super Sadist last night and we touched on it. All of that was very hot.
It’s not that I haven’t been being degraded and humiliated. Of course I have. And I’ve been hurt and scared and used. It’s incredibly satisfying and I don’t feel like I’m not getting what I want. I’d be quite happy to continue with the things I’ve been doing.
It’s not exactly the same as having the context of male superiority, female inferiority, oppression of women, of being submissive and obedient to all men, etc., though. I don’t need that, necessarily, or want to do it all the time, but the bit I’ve gotten lately has whetted my appetite for more.
I shall have to ask my partners to remind me of my place as a woman and their place as men, above me. I want to be forced to say that I deserve the treatment I get, that women are asking for it, that I want to be used and hurt, that I’m a dumb cunt for wanting those things, that I’m only valuable for the things men want me for.
I need to be told that I’m lesser, a silly little girl, a set of holes to fuck and flesh to beat, just a cunt. We wouldn’t want me getting any ideas that I’m an equally valuable member of society, now would we?
I will not talk back.
I like this idea. I have a problem with talking back and sometimes even with hitting back. I think it’s at least partially a symptom of my switching roles with Reaction Junkie fairly frequently and often without explicitly discussing it. ‘course, we all know who’s actually in charge there, since I’m only getting to do anything to him because he wants it, or, sometimes, because he’s indulging my desires. He can easily put me back in my place as his property whenever he chooses.
I love our switching and especially enjoy our switch fights, but sometimes I’m not switching. And then my talking and hitting back can get me into trouble. It also can be tricky when I’m playing with other people. I haven’t let anything slip out yet, but I have to stifle the urge to talk back or respond in kind or with struggling when I’m getting hurt.
I think that washing my mouth out with soap would be an effective deterrent to future talking back. As for writing lines, I’ve never had to do it before, but I think it would work well. It would be boring, so it definitely wouldn’t be funishment. Being made to write lines saying “I will not talk/hit/fight back” would also have the benefit of focusing my mind on what I did wrong at the same time as my punishment was being carried out. Making such an explicit connection between action and consequence would help me better internalize the lesson I ought to be learning. It would help me be a good girl, which is what I should always work towards.
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I get hurt pretty frequently, and that’s often done via impact play. When I saw this gifset, though, I realized that I rarely get spanked or hit on the ass, and it’s been ages since someone made me bend over their knees or lay across their lap and spanked me like a naughty little girl.
I think part of why I want to be spanked is that it can be seen as humiliating. Children get punished that way. Making me, a grown woman, bend over your knee and receive the same kind of punishment a little girl might get is insulting, infantalizing, and belittling. Especially when you run your finger along my cunt and comment on how wet I am and how much I’m enjoying it, playing with my clit and pushing your fingers into me, making me moan. Maybe you make a comment about how this is the proper punishment for me, since women are basically children, anyway. I start to protest, but you stop me and, instead, order me to agree. You spank me again until I cry out, “You’re right. Women have the emotional and intellectual abilities of children.” You stop hitting me and tell me to continue as you press a vibrator against my clit as I say “We need men to keep us in line and teach us how to behave. Spanking is the right way to punish a woman. We need the pain to drive the lesson home. Being hurt helps us learn.” As I continue speaking, saying more and more misogynistic things, you point out how much I’m moaning and whining, calling me a “gender traitor” and telling me I’m taking feminism two steps back. Finally, you tell me to cum, to get off to all of the awful things I’m saying about women. A moment later, you feel the orgasm hit me as I shake against you.
There’s also the roleplaying/ageplay related aspects of it. I could be the naughty Catholic high school girl who gets sent to the principal’s office. When I enter the room, you make me bend over your desk and spank me as punishment for talking during class. As you do, I’m ashamed to feel my pussy getting wet and warmth growing between my legs. When you’re done, you tell me my panties are a violation of the dress code, “Take them off and hand them to me.” I hesitate, knowing that if I do, you’ll feel that they’re wet. You sternly say, “Now.” And I bend down, slipping them off. When I give them to you, you feel how soaked they are. “Why are these wet? you ask, already knowing the answer. "I…I don’t know, sir,” I respond, embarassed about my arousal response to being spanked. “Bend back over the desk,” you instruct me. I comply, anxious and excited for what might come next. You begin spanking me again, this time on my bare bottom. I squirm and a moan escapes before I can stop it. I hear you chuckle softly. You run your hand down my ass and push it between my legs. I gasp, shocked that you’re touching me like that. When I start to protest, you shut me up by pushing two fingers into my aching pussy. I moan again, and you say, “What a dirty little slut you are. Pussy soaked, moaning with the principal’s fingers inside you. Tell me you’re a slut.” I hesitate, and you pull your hand away, giving me a sharp smack on the ass. “I’m a slut! I’m a slut!” I yelp. “Good,” you say. I hear the sound of a zipper and start to turn around, “Sir, what are you doing?” You grab my hair and push my head against the desk, “Did I say you could move, slut?” “No, sir,” I whimper. “Then don’t move. As for what I’m doing, I’m treating you how girls like you deserve. Giving you a punishment that might actually stick, since you’re a perverted slut and enjoy being spanked.” Before I can respond, you grab me by my hair and pull me to the ground. “Get on your knees, slut.” Shaking with arousal and not a little fear, I obey. “Now,” you say, pushing your cock between my lips, “Let’s see if you can’t do something more useful with that mouth of yours than disrupt class.”
I also like the dd/lg dynamic that could be in play for spanking. Instead of being treated like a naughty little girl, I would be a naughty little girl, getting punished in an appropriate way. Of course, after I was suitably spanked and had learned my lesson, you tease and play with my cunt and ass until I’m begging to cum. Instead, you throw me on the bed, undoing your pants. You grab me and push your cock into my tight cunt. I yelp as you start fucking me, making it hurt. I get used to the feeling and am just starting to get into it when you pull out. I whine, but then feel you pressing against my ass. I try to scramble away, but you grab me and shove into me, stretching me. I gasp and say, “No, Daddy, please! It hurts!” You ignore my begging and continue pushing into my unlubed hole. You tell me, “Hush. Be brave for Daddy. Don’t you want to be a brave, good little girl? I know you do.” I whimper, but stop begging you to stop. After a moment that feels much longer, you say, “You’re such a good girl. Daddy’s all the way inside you.” Before I can respond, you start fucking my ass, grabbing a handful of my hair, pulling my head up. I cry out, saying, “Oh, Daddy, please! It hurts so much.” But I don’t try to get away. I want to be a good girl for you. After a moment, I’m used to it enough to push back against you. At that moment, you slam into me and stay there, cumming in my tight little ass. I hear you grunt and moan, and that’s the final straw. I cum, and cum hard. As we both collapse into the bed, I say, “Thank you, Daddy.”
PS. Oops this kinda turned into a set of mini-fantasies instead of just a comment about wanting to get spanked. I’m guessing that’s okay with y'all.
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One of the short list of things that get me feeling dommy, and that I have some facility with, is making boys uncomfortable, particularly sexually uncomfortable. I’m especially fond of making them uncomfortable and turned on at the same time. Finding someone who has shame or uneasiness about some aspect of their sexuality or who is repressed is such fun. I thoroughly enjoy pulling at that thread and watching them struggle with the combination of arousal and discomfort. It makes me feel powerful and predatory and in control. I also enjoy being able to help someone turn those negative feelings into something they can have fun with, as others have done for me with my Catholic guilt, my shame, and my feelings of being fucked up. I know what it’s like to feel uncomfortable, ashamed, and guilty about sex and my kinks, which makes it easier for me to turn that around on other people.
Repressed Boy is especially great for this because he definitely enjoys being told to do things, being told he’s good, etc., but he’s also repressed and new, so he gets uncomfortable and just starts giggling, which is wicked adorable. I also played with this with Marxman with regards to calling him “Daddy,” although that was a different kinds of dynamic because he was much more on the d side of things. It started as a joke, and he was clearly uncomfortable about it, and finally admitted it also turned him on. We stopped playing, so I can’t do that anymore. That combination of feelings, tho…Unf. Also, The Programmer got uncomfortable when I just gave him a certain look, which was delightful. Makes me want to treat him like prey.
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Consensual misogyny is only rarely doing it for me. In person, from people I know, I’ve been enjoying it still, but on my dash it’s either neutral or annoying.
I’m just more into individually focused degradation and name calling, ignoring preferences, ownership, shaming, agency denying, and violence based captions, especially coming from dudes I don’t know.
It’s okay, of course. My kinks are allowed to change.
I don’t want to stop doing it with people I know, and I haven’t given up on finding some aspects of it via tumblr hot (longer form stories and well composed captions are much more appealing than random one liners about “its” place or women being dumb or feminists being awful), but I think without a broader context of fucking with my feminism, and now that my fantasies are more fucked up, the shine has gone out of it.
I’m totally open to attempts to change that from fellow misogyny kinkers, obvs. ;)
This would be awful for me. Being ignored is one of those things (along with feeling like I’m replaceable/not important/second best/a second choice/not worth effort, and comments about how I get off or how long it takes me) that I dislike on a level that risks bringing me out of a headspace or scene because it tips off actual issues. These things are limits when I play with most people, and even with people who own me/I’m very close to, pushing these boundaries requires thought and care, along with an awareness and acceptance that the play may very well have to stop in the middle or at least change course.
I do enjoy objectification, but the flavor of objectification that I like is more active. I want to be treated like an object and talked about like I’m an object, but I want these things to happen while I’m being used. I like being told that I don’t get a say because objects don’t have rights or opinions. I enjoy having someone use me to teach someone else how to do something while only speaking to the other person and talking about me like an object I like being told women are objects for men to use and that their (my) purpose is to bring pleasure and entertainment to men.
I truly hate the idea of being left alone in a room as a piece of furniture or decoration. Even if there were other people there, I would hate it if I was being entirely ignored. Being totally ignored for more than a little while would be too much, although I am somewhat interested in having someone I trust test that limit. It would have to be done carefully, and definitely on a one-on-one basis at first, but I think it would be a valuable experience and I’m curious how I would reaction.
A comment about me/said for my benefit every so often, even (especially?) a degrading comment or a misogynistic comment would soften the being ignored enough that I could stand it, if just barely. Even worse would be saying things about issues I care about or about me personally that the speaker knows I would feel the need to respond to. I wouldn’t be able to respond, of course, since objects can’t talk or argue. Being touched (either kindly or cruelly) and having to fight my natural reactions and hold position would also up the unpleasantness factor.
So long as there are little reminders that no I’m not being completely ignored because of course everyone is aware that the adorable, sexy, naked girl is right there and they’re all amused/aroused/entertained by treating her like an object, I could stand this sort of thing. I still think it would be punishment, especially with people trying to goad me into responding while I seethe and struggle not to talk back or move in response to their taunts and touches, but it would be the kind of punishment I would be able to abide by and handle.
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Daily Picture Assignment #141
Happy hour outfit from this week.
I can’t get into any sort of headspace lately. I don’t want to be obedient. I don’t want to be talked down to. I don’t want to have mean things said to me. I don’t even want to be hurt.
I miss wanting those things, and more. Sometimes I have momentary urges and thoughts. For example, yesterday I accidentally got trapped in the apartment so I worked from home. I was writing some things for tumblr and had the idea that I would kneel by the door and greet Reaction Junkie there when he got home, and that I wouldn’t look him in the eyes and I’d be obedient and all meek and subby. But I didn’t.
I’m going to start acting on those urges more.
I’m also going to put forth a sincere effort to write more captiony things for tumblr, and I’m going to talk to my partners about having more text-based conversations about the play we do and as a lead-up to the play. Headspace foreplay, if you will..I might even ask them to give me little assignments if I’m having trouble picking something to caption, like telling me to focus on obedience or being a fucktoy or a good painslut or even consensual misogyny.
When I write about it, I start to feel in the mood. I think it’s because it’s easier for me to “fake it” over text than in person. For instance, I feel silly talking about being someone’s slut in person when I’m just not feeling it, and I get uncomfortable and can’t get into the flow. I may feel silly writing in that voice, but it doesn’t produce any negative feelings. Plus, when I’m doing it via text, I have time to think and rewrite, which I especially need when I’m not in the right headspace. Then, once I start writing, I actually do start to feel in the mood and can even get into that headspace.
Fake it ‘til you make it actually does work sometimes.
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So yeah this Deadpool stuff* is definitely going to get me back into some more violence based kink, definitely weapon play and slamming into walls and guns oh my god guns
*Context for this: I’m getting into Spideypool and Deadpool individually and I finally might have found a fandom homeI feel like some of my old stuff is going around again, so I wanted to make it clear for new people. I’m really really really not into consensual misogyny/misogyny kink anymore. Don’t send me messages trying to engage me, personally, in your consensual misogyny. I wouldn’t have responded well to that kind attempt at initiating private conversation even when I was into it. Feel free to message me! But, as I’ve always said, talk to me like how people talk to each other.
After here this post kind of turns into me sharing my Thoughts and Feelings about consensual misogyny and the people who engage in it.
I don’t have a problem with people being into it. You do you! But for me, I’m not neutral about it. Running into it, especially unexpectedly, is almost always a negative for me. Depending on the content (and the creator), it grates on me, makes me uncomfortable, pisses me off, leaves me kind of sad, annoys me, or, to be honest, makes me feel weird feels and miss that version of me who was into very into things and was super active on tumblr.
There are certain people I still follow or enjoy seeing around, but that’s from when I was active and I know some of who they are as people (hello friends!). That’s not so much what I’m talking about. They aren’t the ones who bother me, and they weren’t part of my loss of interest in this kink.
There are also some creative and intelligent newer people (mostly women, as far as I can tell) who post actual content that isn’t boring or repetitive. Y'all are fantastic! And I always appreciate getting a mention from one of you, or seeing you add your own thoughts to my old posts. I may not want to read it for sexy or fun reasons anymore, but I can appreciate the quality of the posts and the thought you put into it (this goes the same for old friends and acquaintances). These kinds of things also aren’t negative for me.
What bothers me most and what is negative for me, are posts and messages from a particular kind of person (they tend to be men, as far as I can tell) into consensual misogyny/misogyny kink. They are the people whose contributions consist mainly of posting things like “cunt” under pictures, or calling women “it” randomly, or who seem to be mainly interested in this kink for the physical violence of it (which, sure, is fun, but there’s so much more to this kink if you approach it with thought and intelligence! Plus, just talking about beating women without any other context isn’t very interesting).
This repetitive and mindless content -did- contribute to my move away from consensual misogyny. Particularly because these seem to be the same kind of person who isn’t great at the “consensual” part of consensual misogyny.
This ended up being much longer than I meant it to, oops. I have things to say, I suppose. I guess my point is that I want to make it clear that I’m not interested in engaging in misogyny kink, and although I appreciate certain posts from certain people, I’m actively disinterested and turned off by a lot of what’s out there. So please, don’t message me with your attempts to engage me in it.
dumbbigtittedslut wrote something that really made me think a lot about my consensual misogyny play/misogyny kink. Before I go into my navel-gazing, I wanted to make sure to say that this is super well-written and, if I was in a different place with my kinks, would have turned me on like whoa. DBTS, you’re an excellent writer.
As I wrote in an earlier post, I haven’t been doing much consensual misogyny lately. I’m not entirely sure why, but I think a large part of it is that the person I did the most intense play of that kind with was MLAM, and we basically stopped playing together. The Super Sadist and I also played with consensual misogyny, but in a very different way than I did with MLAM, with a different focus, and we’ve both gotten busy. The Marxist poked at that button, and did so well, but we don’t play anymore. Legolas and I are both into it, and we still use it, but, again, in a different way than I engaged with it with MLAM. It’s definitely not an all-consuming context that seeps into most things I do.
I’ve been realizing (and this post really drove the point home) that in addition to not doing very much of it, I also haven’t been getting turned on by it or masturbating to it, which, of course, plays back in to not doing it as often with others. I’m sure one reason is the simple fact that I haven’t been playing that way, and have been engaging lots of other kinks that draw my focus, like the death threats, violence, pregnancy risk/forced pregnancy, weapons, gaslighting, being owned, abuse fantasies/abusive relationship kink, etc. Some of those do draw from consensual misogyny and have threads of it running through, especially the pregnancy risk/forced pregnancy, ownership, and mentally/emotionally/physically abusive relationship kinks, but they aren’t quite the same.
Another part of it is that there were aspects of misogyny kink that always made me a little uncomfortable (especially people I don’t “know”/follow reblogging my stuff and adding their own comments, and even more so when they have no disclaimers in their info), and without people helping me to push past that, or use it against me, the discomfort has increased, and not in a sexy way. I always saw playing with misogyny as something I did as part of my feminism, taking the fucked up parts of society and turning them to my purposes, taking away their power. When I’m not actively participating by writing things myself, having a partner encourage me to write/think/speak about it or within the context of it, having a partner, or someone I know or at least whose tumblr I enjoy say and do things to me, or having someone give me a misogyny kink context to consume things from, it feels much more like I’m just seeing trying to be edgy, run of the mill sexists writing things. That’s not hot; it’s icky and kinda boring.
Like I said, the context MLAM created was a heady thing, and I feel the urge to see if I can recapture some of those intoxicating feelings. If it works, great, if not, that’s cool, too. I’ll talk to some partners about it, of course, ask if they’ll use more misogynistic language when they talk to me, see if they’re interested in having me be polite to men who say stupid shit to me or, at least, ask their permission before flaming them, and/or do other things that create more of a context outside of just playtime. I’m not expecting, and don’t necessarily even want, it to be like it was with MLAM, but having a consensual misogyny headspace I can slip into and use to contextualize other kinks is a useful thing. It’s not urgent, and before/as I’m doing that, I’ll do some of my own work making misogyny hot again.
There are a number of things I can do myself. I’m going to try to write more captions and have more fantasies that draw from my misogyny kink. I’ll especially try to use the language that used to really get me going. Fucktoy, cunt, bitch, fuckhole. Talk about the fact that what I’m for is to be used by men, that all women are for that, some just are smart enough to know that fact. Remind myself that I should be grateful for anything a man is willing to do to me, whether it’s fuck my cunt or as, use my mouth, cum all over my face, or even just use me as a urinal. Keep in mind that I’m a fucktoy for the pleasure and entertainment for all men, and especially for the men who own me or use me on a regular basis. Admit that I deserve all the pain and punishment and suffering those men generously inflict upon me.
Hell, it’s already working a bit. Writing this last bit did indeed make my fuckhole clench.
Something I used to do fairly regularly, but don’t anymore, is roleplaying in the catholic schoolgirl/teacher sense. A big reason for that is I just don’t need it. Roleplaying, for me, was always primarily about power differentials. When I dated vanilla/French vanilla people, roleplaying served as a tool to create that power disparity where there was none. These days, I play with people who create that kind of dynamic themselves/with whom I develop that dynamic.
Another reason I don’t do it much anymore is that I find it difficult and uncomfortable. It’s too much like acting, like performing, which I hate doing in front of people. Despite the fact that I’m intelligent and sometimes clever, I am not quick on my feet when trying to think of things to say that aren’t just my own reactions.
There is one role that I can sink into, though. The role of the Catholic schoolgirl. It’s partially because I was one in high school, and even though I didn’t go to Catholic school before that, I was raised Catholic and was a student for most of my life so far. That isn’t the only reason, though.
I think the main reason I can sink into that role best is that I masturbated to Catholic schoolgirl/headmaster and student/teacher fantasies for years. They weren’t the only thing I thought about, but I’d say that’s what I thought about at least 70% of the time. I haven’t used them in a while, but just writing about this is turning me on. There’s so many different directions they can take. Blackmail both ways, earning a better grade, being coerced/manipulated by the older person, being seduced by the younger one, spankings for dress code violations that turn sexual, and then into sex, and then into repeated use and increasing depravity (this one may be a favorite of mine).
I should see if I can still get into this role sometime soon. Perhaps a nice bit of play where I offer my high school math teacher sex for a better grade, he takes me up on it, and takes it further, degrading and humiliating me by suggesting I was too busy sucking cock to do better, and punishing me for the grade, for being so predictable by offering sex, and for being unfair to the other students.
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Feeling nostalgic for the days when I was into consensual misogyny/misogyny kink. Because I used to be so into it, and now my initial response to misogyny kink captions when I’m just skimming my feed is, “Sigh. Not my kink,” and occasionally have a negative reaction, like, “Seriously? Ugh.” (Not to say I think there’s anything wrong with finding it hot! You do you.) I think part of that is just not being on tumblr much, so I don’t really pay attention. I’m not thinking about things as “sexy captions” or “tumblr porn,” so I’m not really looking at it with that context in mind.
I feel like I could still get into it if I were in the right headspace. I’m thinking maybe having some item I put on to focus myself on being in that mindset, then having someone making me repeat misogynistic things that they say/agree with the things they’re saying while I masturbate could do the trick.
