#food mention
Concept: TV show where the initial viewpoint character is a cyborg mutant from a dystopian post-apocalyptic future who’s come back in time to prevent said apocalypse, except they succeed in like the second episode and the rest of the show is just a fish-out-of-water comedy about them adapting to early 21st Century society.
… or so it appears, until about episode five, where another time-travelling weirdo from a different dystopian post-apocalyptic future arrives, and after much confusion, ends up teaming up with the first character to prevent that apocalypse, too.
The show continues in this vein for several iterations, eventually accumulating an ensemble cast of temporally displaced whatsits from futures that no longer exist. None of the saving-the-future bits ever occupy more than a single episode, with the rest of the show being taken up with shit like an entire episode about an eight-foot-tall transhuman cyborg spending all day stuck in line at a bank.
There needs to be some kind of Terminator-esque antagonist who shows up with the intentions of ensuring that some dystopian apocalypse happens. While initially it seems like the show’s taking a More Serious Turn,™ they degenerate over the next few episodes (or just one episode) into being the sitcom kind of arch-nemesis where nothing escalates beyond incessant barbed insults.
Essential roles:
- Eight-foot-tall transhuman cyborg from the Robot Apocalypse Future. Has a bewildering array of implausibly specific implanted gadgets and a running gag about being unaffected by – and often failing to notice – things that would kill a baseline human. Actually a big sweetheart, but prone to forgetting trivial facts like “baseline humans need to breathe”.
- Trenchcoat-wearing, katana-wielding badass from the Vampire Apocalypse Future. Constantly confusing the others by making quippy pop culture references to nerd media that doesn’t exist yet. Their talent with the blade is borderline wizardry, but they possess absolutely no other basic life skills whatsoever. Definitely has an embarrassing nickname.
- Dirtbag chaos magician from the Demon Apocalypse Future. Hails from a future where The Magic Came Back, with horrifying consequences. Prone to grandiose claims about the powers they formerly wielded, though in the low-magic atmosphere of the present day they’re mostly limited to minor illusions and setting shit on fire. No sense of right and wrong.
- Scrappy survivalist from the Nuclear Apocalypse Future. Ostensibly one of their era’s foremost historians and an expert on the time they’ve travelled to, but all of their knowledge of the present’s culture and history is bizarrely mythologised. Carries as many knives as necessary for it to be funny. Needs to be reminded not to eat food off the ground.
- Bald-headed teenager from the Mystery Apocalypse Future. Arrived in the present era in a tube-shaped capsule full of translucent purple goo, with no memory of their own past, the future they came from, or why they travelled back in time. Able to directly interface with technology through some unknown means. Never uses contractions.
- “Can’t we just sleep in today?” “Only if I get to hold you all day while we do.”
- “It’s a crossword puzzle. It’s not that difficult.” “We all can’t be geniuses. Give me that croissant.”
- “Are we having brunch with my parents?” “You’re having brunch with your parents. I’m playing Donkey Kong in my pajamas.”
- “Stop kissing all over my face” “Never, Ilove this face.”
- “You’re adorable wearing those bunny slippers.” “Get it right, that’s Bugs.” “Wow I am an uncultured swine.”
- “Your hands are cold.” “Here I was giving you a free massage and all you can say is my hands are cold.” “You are so right.” *sticks cold foot in face* “We’re even”
- “Are you filming me?” “It’s for Tiktok.” *screeches* “Babe, no, this can’t go on tiktok.”
- “Would you still love me if i was a vampire?” “No, I’d probably have to stake you in the heart. Sorry. I don’t mess with the undead.” “The hell?!”
- “You purr when I stroke your hair.” “I am not a kitten.” “Rude, you are my kitten.”
- “Why are you wearing that?” “It’s yours.” “Okay but that is so old. It’s gonna fall apart.” “Just cause things fall apart doesn’t mean that they aren’t good.”
- “I know it’s raining. But you know how I get when we play monopoly.” “Well yeah, but i’d rather you rage quit in the middle of this than me have to freeze in the rain.” “You said you loved that.” “No, I said I loved you.”
- “This will define our relationship” “Whatever it is, It’s Sunday and I don’t answer difficult questions until Monday.” “That’s such an out.” “Well, then pay me with kisses and I’ll answer whatever.”
- “No, but this movie isn’t that bad.” “It’s the worst, baby. please.” “No, I refuse to say that.”
- “Let me ask you something. Would you live forever if you could?” “Depends, what’s the conditions?” “You gotta eat nothing but fish fillets for eternity” “I’ll just die.”
- “Doctor Strange isn’t boring. You’re just a snob.” “Or maybe it’s boring and you just like that cumberdoodle guy too much.” “I do not.” “Our bedroom ceiling says otherwise.”
- *pouting* “I want kisses.” “No, you said my nose looked like Rudolph’s.”
- “It’s midnight.” “Yeah, I’m trying to sleep.” “It’s sunday though.” “Not until 9am it isn’t.”
- “You know when I taught you what yeet meant, I didn’t think that meant you would yeet yourself at me.” “I’m laying on you and you are gonna deal with it.”
- “It’s a sunny SUNday. So we are going to plant outside.” “Whats the opposite of a green thumb? I have that. I just kill plants.”
- “Do you think we will get married?” “I don’t know. Why?” “Because, I think that Princess Peach and Mario should. So we should.” “No. What?”
- “Riddle me this, which Batman is your favorite.” “It’s 3 am.” “If you say Clooney, we break up.”
- “Do you think I had a bad childhood.” “Yes.” “That was mean.” “You asked.”
i’m so socially avoidant that i’m currently starving and refuse to leave my bedroom to go get food bc some guy is staying at our house for a couple days and i don’t want to have to speak to him
in other news, i really want a girl guide cookie blizzard from dq
So I found this app called Scan Halal where you scan the bar code of your food and it tells you if its halal or not. It’s a free app too. Pass this on so others can see and worry a little less about their food/snack choices
Yessss, it is very handy especially in non-muslim countries
If you reblog this for no other reason, do it because it’ll piss off Pauline Hanson. And pissing off Pauline Hanson is reason enough to do anything.
Pissing off Pauline Hanson is my favourite pass time
If you reblog this for no other reason, reblog it to make a Muslim feel safer, more accepted, and/or more informed about food.
Other people and their needs are not your game pieces to use to offend others or make yourself feel better.
This is actually a cool app! I had a customer come into my candy store and we discovered that certain flavors of the same brand of candy sticks were okay to eat! It was really handy for them to be able to scan it rather than rely on the ingredient list, which could be flawed sometimes!
Ooooh this is neat!
Nice!
For those wondering “why don’t you just read the ingredients”: Even if you trust the ingredient list, you don’t know which “natural flavors” were used, and you may not know where the various chemicals came from. And a lot of people have a hard time reading tiny print, and don’t want to stand in the aisle for five minutes trying to work their way through 95 words of 4-point type.
So glad this exists! We need more ways for people to find the info that’s important to them!
Ok new question of the day : do y’all like icecream cones or no
they taste good but biting the ice cream is awful and they’re not worth the mess
Starting vacation off right with donuts and coffee on the porch ☺️
It’s a bit of an odd but endearing thing to celebrate your pet’s birthday.
Objectively, you know that they don’t perceive time as we do and they do not have any relation that they were born on a day that comes around once a year based on a calendar that humans decided. It’s objectively nonsense and yet we continue to celebrate them.
We get our pets extra treats. We do their favourite activity with them. We give them even more pets and affection. We talk about how it’s their birthday to other people.
And while they might not know what is going on, they do understand that their human is spending more time with them and enriching their life on an extra level, which I’m sure they appreciate.
Today, I took my horse to graze some fresh tall grass and I played around with her and I groomed her well and made her feel taken care of. She doesn’t give a flying hoot that it’s her birthday. That’s more for me than her but I still like that we can celebrate moments like this with them. It’s like a landmark, a check in, and a reminder that time might have passed but this animal who is sharing your life is still loved and treasured.
It was the fifteenth birthday of hers that I’ve gotten to experience and I feel especially as your pet gets older, you become more aware that at some point you will have experienced their last birthday. It’s a heartbreaking thought on a happy day, but rather than letting it grip and drag me down, it just let me appreciate this one all that more.
A year is a long time in the future but today is now.
You can only help the now. So I gave her those extra treats, gave her attention and pets, and I wrapped my arms tightly around her and quietly muttered a happy birthday into her neck. Words she does not understand but she’ll still be able to hear the tone of my voice and I believe that she’s able to feel my love for her.
I’ve never gone as far as making cakes or throwing parties for my horse or the family dogs, but I do think that however you decide to celebrate is entirely valid. As long as your pet is happy and having a good time, then that’s all that matter. For many people, your pet becomes part of the family and I think that’s a beautiful thing.
So on your pet’s birthday, no matter how big or small, do something special. Even if it’s just an extra pet or a soft word of happy birthday.
I’m having dinner with my friends. We’re sharing food, I’m laughing, they’re laughing. I’m reminded of how at ease I feel in their company, all of worn-down our respective work days, suppressing yawns, but the smiles are genuine. We catch each other up, we exist in our own little bubble for a couple of hours.
The restaurant is an old haunt of ours, one we’ve been coming to for years, at least a few times a year. Some of the staff knows us, we have booths where we usually sit. We’ve seen how they’ve moved on from orders written down on slips of paper and gotten iPads instead. The food still tastes the same, always good, or maybe it’s just enriched by the company.
I’ve known them for years. One is no longer a classmate of mine. One has become a mother. We’re different from when we first met and yet we are still the same in our hearts in some way. I long ago accepted these gals as “my people” and they got their own little rooms in the corridors of my heart. I hope they will occupy them for a very, very long time.
It struck me tonight by how thankful I am to have people like that in my life. It always takes a little coordinating to get three different schedules to work together, to find a free slot but I know they are always there, ready and happy to meet up if time allows it. They love me and they love to hang out with me, just as I do.
I’m not sure what version of adulthood I had in my head when I was younger. I most certainly thought I would be working a different job, one that challenged me intellectually, instead of what I am doing now. I probably would have guessed that I’d have a romantic partner, maybe a dog of my own at this age. Instead, I have a job I don’t love but I do like it and my colleagues are great. I still spent a lot of time at my family house, I’m close with my parents and little brother still and I adore my mother’s dogs. I’ve never been in a serious relationship all my life, and there is an ache for it sometimes, however, most days I am completely at ease.
I have good people in my life. These two friends. Another, even older, pair of friends as well. My family. All the lovely mutuals from here, some whom I talk to daily. I have the family dogs and I have my horse. The people from the stables who aren’t quite friends but they are familiar and safe all the same. Colleagues from work who make my work day brighter.
I fill my day with enjoying my fandoms. I write so many stories that I’m lucky enough that others want to read. I play and train with my animals. I talk to my friends and family. My future still feels far away, fog keeping it shrouded in mystery, but I like this here. I like myself and I am also learning to be better each day. I’m thankful for the people in my life bringing me smiles and laughter, even in the most mundane moments.