I had to have a minor medical procedure today and the important thing is that they anesthetized me for it. I warned them up front that I do not wake up well from anesthesia, as in I wake up belligerent over my disorientation and ready to escape unfamiliar surroundings, and asked them to please make sure Sark was in the room when I woke up.
Highlights from today include:
They did notmake sure Sark was in the room when I woke up
Thehot second I had any amount of consciousness returned, I attempted to get out of the bed and was thwarted by the railing they left up and my technician repeatedly telling me to lie down, which I did not because I was CERTAIN that I needed to leave.
I tried to remove my IV myself 15+ times in under 3 minutes and told the technician I could do it. I could not; I had asked the nurse who put it in to put extra tape on it so that I could not. I could also not remove the rest of the things they had me connected to, but only because I couldn’t figure out how, not for lack of trying
I could not remember the technician’s face because my facial blindness is MUCH worse when tired, and I called him Steven several times, and Josh. His name was Andrew.
My gown slipped down my shoulder in my struggles to escape, and the technician attempted to replace it and I told him “you’ve seen a boob, Steven.” His name was still Andrew, and the procedure space was an open outpatient area with other people
I was instructed not to bend over or the anesthetic would ‘rush to my head’ to which I responded in outrage “WELL WHERE THE HELL IS IT NOW?”
I asked everyone present “who the hell are you” and insisted the doctor tell me how to say her first name. They asked me if I remembered Sark when he arrived a minute later, and I stalled out entirely staring at him like a deer in headlights because I could not parse how he got there.
When they brought Sark in, the technician asked him “Does she normally wake up like this” and Sark told him “Depends on when you wake her up.” which is very fair of him because he remembers that I was woken at 4am once by someone honking their horn repeatedly because they wanted to fight my neighbor, and I charged outside in pajamas across a field to go attack their car while shouting about how rude they were and that they could fight me. They did not want to fight me, if you were wondering.
Sark told me they fetched him from the waiting room by saying “maybe you can come calm her down.”
This all happened in approximately 5 minutes, before I had gotten control of myself and could remember Andrew’s name and shape.
Andrew told me goodbye at the door and thanked me for being his most amusing patient today.
At least I managed to put my own clothes on and walk out the front door unassisted this time.
… “this time“?
Yeah the last time I was anesthetized, as soon as I was conscious I managed to actually make it out of the bed, naked and confused, and the doctor was like “well good luck with that” and left me squirming on the floor like an overturned turtle, shouting angrily at my mother that I could put my own clothes on while being entirely incapable of actually doing so. I remember being in the car afterward but not how I got there. I feel like this time was a vast improvement for me. Really taking a leap forward in dignity.
There are quite a few people reblogging this who are very angry on my behalf because the staff didn’t listen to me and have Sark in the room when I woke up, and while it is very valid to be angry at the medical community in general for not listening to patients, I feel I need to make it clear that Sark being in the room was not for my benefit, it was for theirs. I would have done nothing different. I absolutely would still have attempted freedom and been just as belligerent. Sark has absolutely no ability to calm me down in that state, but he would have made Andrew’s job easier for him, like some kind of rehabber that is better at handling the feral raccoon than the vet that’s just trying to do their job. Instead Andrew got to babysit my uncoordinated escape attempts personally, which I am positive he regretted enough to make up for not listening to me.
now see I like goats. goats use their brains to invent new crimes and formulate evil plots, which means they are often preoccupied with their own inner worlds and the logistical problems of how to maximize the impacts of their mischief. unlike rams. which have no interest in criminal activities more complicated than giving and receiving as many concussions as possible.
An extremely funny and 100% real thing about this difference is
When a goat buck and a ram get into a fight
The buck rears up on his hind legs, as bucks do, to be able to come down on his opponent with a sweep of his horns
And the ram um. Puts his head down and RAMS his opponent. At head level
So like um when a buck is reared up that puts his dick at head height.
Um so
A lot of bucks get their dicks rammed really hard by rams in fights its like it’s. A thing. Super common
And this happened to one of my goat bucks once and he screamed and ran to a bush and cowered and cried and had a nosebleed. And I thought he was hurt but. He was not I sat with him for an hour or two to calm him down and o inspected him and he was. Fine like he was totally normal the next day. He was just like damn bro you punched my dick with your skull that SUCKED
Like goats are doing you know posturing and like, going for psychological warfare or whatever and rearing up to look big and be like YO MAN YOU WANNA GO???
And rams are already like oh yeah no we are doing this and they just don’t even consider like they locked on 30 seconds ago they’re doing it
OK I don’t know if goat kids do this too cause I’ve never raised any, but lambs from the day they’re born have to punch their mama’s udder in order to get milk out, that’s how lactation works in ewes, so the instinct is very firmly ingrained in their little baby lamb heads to “punch the dangly thing on adult’s belly in order to dispense food.” By the time they’re big enough to wean, they will sometimes punch hard enough to lift their mama’s back legs off the ground in their enthusiasm for food.
I’m sure you see where I’m going with this. One year I had to pull a few of the ram lambs two weeks early for reasons (nobody @ me they were fine) and because they were smaller than usual and there were only a few of them I didn’t want to dump them straight into the pen with all the big guys to get beat up. Instead I put them in a smaller pasture and tossed the Boss Ram in with them as a babysitter because he’s always been relatively gentle with lambs and letting The Boss get used to new guys alone usually helps with dominance fighting later.
So here is this big, dominant ram, undisputed king of his domain, locked in a pen with four of his newly weaned mini-mes who have never shared a pen with an adult male before. He’s got the biggest horns and the hardest head on the farm, he’s ready for anything.
Except. The lambs have no interest in bashing skulls. The lambs are hungry. The lambs see an adult with dangly bits in approximately the same place as their mama’s dangly bits. Their entire three months of lived experience tells them punching those dangly bits results in food.
That ram, who had never before run from a fight, spent a very uncomfortable and confusing time being chased around the pen by four miniature copies of himself, all of them crying at the top of their lungs and very determined to punch him in the nuts.
dan lewis most character ever. he gets kidnapped by his dog alien soulmate he’s freed by yaz and the doctor then the universe ends he’s in the crimean war for like 5 minutes before he goes back home except his home has been invaded by more aliens except these ones look like potatoes. he sneaks into the enemy base with a wok witnesses 3 executions zoom calls the doctor who he’s spent like twenty minutes tops with. knocks out some potato aliens makes terrible puns gets saved (again) by his dog alien soulmate goes with the doctor to the?? temple of time?? ends up stuck in his memories for a while finds out his love interest is stuck in a walking prison. back to the tardis which is captured by a statue of an angel except the doctor, who, again, he has known for less than a day, chucks the angel out. now he’s involved in a search party for some kid in 1967. now he’s in 1901. they find the kid. the village is fucking floating in space. oh the doctor is an angel now. he’s stuck in 1901 for three years now.
