#funny rp

—————————–UNUS ANNUS SENTENCE STARTERS PT. 3
change as needed.

“Memento mori.”
“Whenever I need a quenching, refreshing beverage, I reach for one of these.”
“I’ve never had a clear thought in my life.”
“You wanna know how I got to love pain?”
“It was your plan all along!”
“What the hell is with the difference between Takis bags?”
“You just need to suck it up and drink your wine.”
“Mother nature is the cruelest bitch, that fucking whore. Took the kids.”
“How quickly can we whip up a bowl of mac n’cheese?”
“Oh, yeah, there will be lube.”
“’Hydro,’ which is Latin for water. ‘Dipping’ which is Greek for insertions.”
“If I was dying in the middle of the road, it would take me five weeks to get your attention, and then you’d say ‘oh, can’t do that today!’”
“Oh, jeez, what smells? It’s gotta be this.”
“No! I refuse to accept your stupidity today!”
“I’m washing the stick.”
“Hello, Mr. Penis.”
“This is the ultimate test of trust.”
“You use less water and then it’s less watery.”
“That was the most vague compliment anyone has every given me.”
“It’s like fishing. And that’s when the semens happen.”
“It makes my meat jiggle.”
“Math was never my strong suit, nor was anything else.”
“Maybe they’ll taste better after they’ve spent six months in the ground.”
“____ is built like a brick shit house.”
“Have you been enjoying yourself?”
“Well, the thing is, ____, you said I’m gonna like it, but I don’t.”
“I need you to forget everything you know. Did you do it?”
“Hang on, I need a second because my brain actually came up with something.”
“Bigfoot’s foot isn’t the only thing that’s big if you know what I’m talking about.”
“Can you imagine if I was sponsored by a canned corn company?”
“God, everyday you live is the worst day of your life with me.”
“I can’t wait to be naked together again.”
“Don’t look at my feet, you pervert.”
“I’m insecure about my body right now! But that’s okay!’

——————-BO BURNHAM’S INSIDE OUTTAKES SENTENCE STARTERS
change as needed. language, adult content, mentions of mental illness.

“I’m going a little crazy.”
“I don’t have a kid. I crochet instead.”
“I’ll bother getting better when I bother getting dressed.”
”I’m living in the future.”
“Am I kinda hot?”
“I’m just hoping I can write or film something soon that’s usable, or I’m just gonna stop and play PlayStation.”
“Is this fucking doing anything?”
“Is this looking cool or just fucking stupid?”
“I’m a stupid little bitch!”
“I just wanna feel good.”
“I’m not even close to kidding.”
“I wanna know when Dippin’ Dots is going to condemn child sex trafficking.”
“Maybe I’ll feel better when I got to bed.”
“I wrote a joke. Wanna hear it?”
“If your least favorite word is ‘moist’ and you tell people that, I hate you.”
“My least favorite word, by the way, is ‘injustice.’”
“I wrote a song for you.”
“You’re an adult. You can figure it out.”
“You think I am the worst.”
“Why would you assume that you’re entitled to a dumpling?”
“I don’t wanna fight so let’s just drop this- it’s not a big deal.”
“You owe me a dumpling or a dumpling equivalent.”
“Um no, fuck that.”
“Your whole worldview collapses the moment there’s a spider.”
“I get it, this is the real you. It’s a pleasure. Nice to meet you.”
“Shit like this brings the movement down.”
“Everyone’s a feminist until there is a spider around.”
“Our culture has been taken over by a radical group of SJW feminist freaks.”
“Now we’re fucking talking.”
“Offer yourself by being yourself. And if that doesn’t work, be somebody else.”
“Who you are on a fundamental, sort of unchangeable level, may just be uninteresting.”
“How is the best case scenario Joe Biden?”
“Soon after I posted my first couple videos, they went viral.”
“There’s a lot of material that I’m just really embarrassed by and makes me cringe for a lot of reasons.”
“I often wish that I could just, you know, start over.”
“Fuck you, dude. Fuck you, alright?”
“I ain’t afraid of no spider.”
“It’s very upsetting that the future is in front of now, do you know what I mean? Like that we have to keep living from now onward.”
“This isn’t a joke, so don’t joke about it.”
“I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“I’m doing fine. Twenty-nine, in my prime.”
“I am a weird looking dude.”
“You’re supposed to see the top of your head when you come out of your mother’s pussy, but you saw my face. I came out face first.”
“Other days, like today, I just feel like I’m completely spinning my wheels and wasting my time.”
“I’ve been eating these things for basically every meal for the past six months.”
“I’m using a paper plate. I know they’re bad for the environment but I’d rather put a gun in my mouth than do another dish.”
“We could and would and should have done better.”
“Our doing isn’t done and our done-ing isn’t did, okay? So know that.”
“We are living in a golden age of content.”
“Time is still, you know, passing.”
“It’s only a problem when you go outside.”
“I’m done being sad.”
“Am I going crazy? Maybe, maybe not.”
“Pray for us.”
“The more I wait for it, the more shitty I feel and look.”
“I realized the only way this thing is going to stop is if I stop doing it, so I’m going to stop.”
“She likes her life as a mother and wife, but is that all she is?”
“Her future is waiting right there for the taking.”
“The chicken must first cross the road.”
“I’m an adult man in a baseball hat.”
“I don’t know what’s happening.”
“What the fuck is going on?”