#genderjustice
By Ananya Gurumurthy
This summer, I had the honor of being selected as a US Youth Ambassador for the international TechGirls Exchange Program. The TechGirls program is sponsored by the US Department of State and connects young women from countries in the Middle East and North Africa (MENA nations) with young women from the US. The program is a ten day immersion program in computer science with coding sessions taught by professors from the Virginia Tech Computer Science Department. On the third day of class, I met a remarkable teaching assistant, Ms. Kay, a PhD student in computer science. Ms. Kay shared her inspiring journey from western Kenya to the United States.
Ms. Kay hails from a small village in Kenya, where young women are not allowed to pursue higher education. The moment Ms. Kay asked her parents about her aspirations to pursue a college degree in computer science after high school, she was told that the place for a young woman was not in college, but in a home with a husband and children. Thankfully, Ms. Kay did not allow her journey to be deterred by archaic values that had limited so many women before her; she began looking for universities abroad. She tirelessly searched for scholarship opportunities and other ways in which she could make college a reality for herself. After years of hard work and persistence, Ms. Kay arrived at Virginia Tech, now a PhD student and researcher. She has gained much recognition for her research and inspiring personal story.
I was also in an environment in which many young women hailed from countries in MENA nations, eager to overcome obstacles often built by their societies. These girls worked far past the designated “class time” and came up with creative games and projects. More importantly, all of them went back to their respective countries motivated to teach other young women in their nations how to code and become digitally literate. Some even earned scholarships to their countries’ top universities to study computer science and software engineering as a result of their tireless efforts.
The stories of the MENA TechGirls and Ms. Kay are stories of perseverance and overcoming challenging odds. Furthermore, these stories are proof of the empowering effect of women immersing themselves in technology.
Technology represents a disruptive force in our economy and more women must begin participating in its tremendous growth trajectory. In pursuing digital literacy skills, women across the world can help empower themselves, their children, and others. The current salary for the average programmer is nearly $80,000 making it a great avenue for financial empowerment, independence, and self-sufficiency. Increasingly, more companies are looking to diversify their workforce by including more women. Tech companies like Google, Apple, Facebook, Dropbox, WhatsApp, etc want to enhance gender equity in the workplace and are enabling many new learning tools and platforms. For this reason, learning to code and develop has become increasingly available and affordable. With free online sources such as Coursera, edX, Udemy, and MIT Open Courseware, learning the skills necessary to program is easier. Digital literacy can be a great vehicle to support women and their families move towards greater stability and better opportunities.
Ananya Gurumurthy, 15, is an aspiring activist from Scarsdale, NY. She has recently gotten involved with Sakhi, and hopes to continue contributing in the future! Recently, she began the local Digital Literacy Initiative in her local district with her State Senator to help ensure the inclusion and participation of underserved girls in computer science and engineering fields. Her interest in the inclusion of women in computer science was further extended when she was selected as a US Youth Ambassador for the US TechGirls Exchange Program and spent nearly two weeks with young women from the Middle East and North Africa learning about empowering women in the aforementioned communities. She hopes to continue her journey in working with digital literacy to propel equity and empowerment for women around the country!
With campaigns like It’s On Us,#DearBetsy, and End Rape On Campus, the prevalence of sexual violence on college campuses is beginning to be demystified. The 1 in 4 statistic, that approximately 20% of women will be sexually assaulted during their time in college, has hit mainstream media, but measures for survivors to feel safe, report their perpetrator, receive accommodations, complete their education, and begin their healing processes are more difficult to find.
Title IX, the federal law that protects students against sexual violence, affords survivors with a myriad of rights and protections that are rarely publicized or known. It states that, “no person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any education program or activity receiving Federal financial assistance.” (Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1920, 20 U.S.C. §1681)
What this boils down to is any educational institution that receives federal funding (most colleges fall under this category) is legally required to respond to any complaints brought forward about sexual assault. Your school cannot ignore an allegation!
Title IX requires that particular measures be followed to ensure best practices in supporting survivors. Your school MUST have -
A Title IX Coordinator: the point person for survivors to go to if they want to report their assault. This person coordinates the subsequent investigation and disciplinary process. Their name/title, office address, phone number, and email should be easily accessible to all students.
You have the right to ask for an advisor to be there with you throughout the reporting process. This person can be an internal support person such as a professor, friend, family member, or external support person, including lawyers. Reporting sexual assault can be isolating and terrifying, but you deserve support and care from your trusted allies. You are allowed to share any/all details about the complaints made with your advisor.
Clear grievance procedures: aka an accessible process by which discrimination can be reported. This procedure must be PROMPT and equitable. Investigations should take no more than 60 calendar days. This time frame is often adjusted based on the complexities of the case.
You have the right to report your school to the Office of Civil Rights if the Title IX complaint process is unreasonably delayed. This is a violation of Title IX!
Employee Training: any employees of the college that may receive reports of sexual assault are required to be trained on how to identify and respond to disclosures. These employees could include professors, administrators, coaches, health center staff, and resident advisors.
You have the right to know who is a Mandated Reporter and who is not. A Mandated Reporter has an obligation to report instances of sexual assault or violence to the college. Confidential resources, on the other hand, will not disclose anything about the assault without the survivor’s consent. Your autonomy in making decisions about what to do after your assault takes priority. You know what is best for you and your healing process!
Reporting options: Under the Clery Act, colleges must inform survivors of their reporting options through the school and to the police.
The Clery Act is a federal law that requires colleges to report crimes that occur on campus. It includes the Campus Sexual Assault Victim’s Bill of Rights, which requires colleges to disclose educational programming, disciplinary processes, and survivor rights during the reporting process.
You have the right to accommodations whether or not you choose to report to the police or pursue reporting internally through the school’s grievance procedures. This means that you are entitled to changes in your academic or extracurricular schedules to prevent hostile environments that might compromise your education, safety measures, such as no contact orders or a restraining order. Your school must provide you with tutoring, counseling, or other support services at no cost to you if you need them to continue your education.
If your school does not provide you with these resources, they are in violation of Title IX policy and can be reported to the Office of Civil Rights. Discrimination complaints can be filed online at https://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/docs/howto.html.
Sources:
https://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/docs/tix_dis.html
https://pomona.callistocampus.org/reporting/pomona-policies/#your-title-ix-rights
Sagarika Gami is a senior at Pomona College studying Gender & Women’s Studies. She enjoys reading memoirs and listening to spoken word poetry on youtube (she stumbled across this piece last night and it might be a new favourite - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1gSCEImUey8).
Shriya Samavai is a photographer and poet of Indian descent living in New York City and a featured artist in Sakhi’s upcoming show, “Gender Justice + The Arts: An Asian American Showcase” at Bowery Poetry Club on 7/31! She works to empower people of color and gender non-conforming people through her photographs and poems. She has written and photographed for publications including Vice, Rookie Mag, and The Huffington Post. In March 2017 she published her first chapbook ‘Somewhere Between Silver & Gold’, a collection of poetry on gender, religion, and dissociation. Find her on Instagram at @shriyasamavai.
Can you describe your art / poetry / writing / music and your artistic process?
Photography is my primary art form, and I use it as a way to document moments that feel worthy of being remembered. Sometime the images are impactful to others, sometimes only to me. I love how making a good photo can make me feel like a superstar. When I photograph a subject and they see their true self in the image, it’s a confidence boost for them and for me too. Having a good photo of anything - whether it’s yourself or something important to you - can be so positively impactful and it feels really special to be a part of that. I’ve been writing poetry since grade school but only now am I figuring out my style, which is somewhere between free verse and prose. I write poems as a way to work through my thoughts and find patterns between events and ideas. More often than not, if I have a question at the onset of a poem, I’ve answered it by the end.
What does gender justice mean to you and how does your work explore themes related to gender and social justice?
A lot of my work is driven by empowering marginalized identities, with a focus on women of color and gender non-conforming people (of color or otherwise). There’s a lack of diverse representation in the industry and I’m motivated to help fix it. There needs to be more POC and GNC artists, writers, models, musicians, creators of any type represented in media. The process of documentation–whether I’m writing about my own identity or photographing POC and GNCP–is a step on the path towards increasing visibility in media and self-actualization.
Who is an Asian artist / writer / performer that inspires you and why?
I am infinitely inspired by Durga Chew-Bose, a writer from Montreal who loves the color purple and a young Al Pacino. It’s so easy to get lost in her musings on details that are overlooked by most.
What can Sakhi supporters look forward to seeing from you at Bowery on 7/31?
I’ll be performing a selection from my chapbook Somewhere Between Silver & Gold, a collection of poetry I wrote in New York City and India between 2013-2017. The pieces I’ll be reading pertain to navigating gender identity as a South Asian.
What’s your favorite thing about summer in New York?
I love that the sun doesn’t set until late, that you can stumble across friends on the street because everyone is out wandering.
Ashni is a singer, songwriter, living-room-dancer, and a featured artist in Sakhi’s upcoming show, “Gender Justice + The Arts: An Asian American Showcase” at Bowery Poetry Club on 7/31! She is inspired by how individuals learn to build relationships to the self, to others, and to communities. With soulful melodies, powerful lyrics and rhythmic current, heavy with jazz and R&B influence, she gracefully envelops listeners in a reflective, cathartic dimension. She is currently teaching, creating and performing in New York City. Her performance credits include Rockwood Music Hall, Music Hall of Williamsburg, The Greene Space, Rough Trade, and more. Her music has been featured on Spotify’s Women of Jazz playlist, Bitch Media’s Podcast: Growing Up Immigrant, and the acclaimed web series Brown Girls. More at www.ashnimusic.com
Ashni just released a new song, “Weave” – take a listen on Spotify, Website, BandCamp, and iTunes!
A bit about the song: “Weave” is a downtempo song with both acoustic and electronic elements. Ashni writes about the interactions between people and the systems they are brought up in. The first tune she completed after last year’s election, she sings about frustration, processing hate, attempts to understand and connect, hope, and healing.
Can you describe your art / poetry / writing / music and your artistic process?
Music is an outlet for me, and a space to play, heal, and grow. My process can vary for every project, but I often start at the piano, continue writing lyrics away from the piano, and then start fitting everything together. Sometimes the harmony, melody, and lyrics come all at once and I continue to adjust it.
What does gender justice mean to you and how does your work explore themes related to gender and social justice?
Gender justice means the equal value and opportunity for all people, regardless of gender ascription or perception.I think about the role of gender justice in my art in many ways. I am conscious of that way I choose to dress, sometimes more femme, and sometimes less. I am conscious of the amount of hair on my legs. I lead my band, conscious of the perceptions of a female singer songwriter, striving to create and perform strong work - musically and lyrically - that will connect with people, and combat and surpass stereotypes, and to inspire higher level thought and discussion amongst audience members.
Who is an Asian American artist / writer / performer that inspires you and why?
Fatimah Asghar is a super talented writer and creator, who works together with other artists to better everybody’s work and visibility. Shana Bhattacharya is also my favorite painter of wardrobes and birthday cards.
What can Sakhi supporters look forward to seeing from you at Bowery on 7/31?
I’ll be playing some songs off of my last live session release, some newer ones - including one I just released on July 22, called “Weave”.
What’s your favorite thing about summer in New York?
All of the music festivals!!! My favorites are Rumsey Playfield in Central Park and Prospect Park, you can hear quite well on both for an outdoor stage, and they bring incredible artists.
Shubha is an Indo-Canadian-New Yorker, and can be found complaining when it’s hot and when it’s cold. She’s also a featured artist in Sakhi’s upcoming show, “Gender Justice + The Arts: An Asian American Showcase” at Bowery Poetry Club on 7/31! She’s an engineer, works in criminal justice reform, and is a creator of stories and arts & crafts. She founded Kalyani Magazine, has published prose, poetry and visual art in various magazines including Off the Coast and A Common Thread, has performed original work in the Vagina Monologues, Yoni Ki Raat 2016, Six Word Memoirs, and more, and is a Voices Of Our Nation (VONA) graphic novel alum. She co-directed Yoni Ki Raat 2017. Learn more at http://www.sbartist.org/.
Can you describe your art / poetry / writing / music and your artistic process?
I don’t have one main style of art – I dabble in poetry, crafts (lately paper engineering), illustrations and comics – but my recent performances have been autobiographical story-telling. In terms of story-telling, my artistic process could be defined as an unorganized temper tantrum. I tend to start my creation from an inspired spark - usually an epiphany about different threads in my life that make me especially angry, or a feeling that I have never been able to put into words. I work on a story to give voice to the experience, or, rather, I unsuccessfully try to squish about 10 different stories together. After countless edits, additions, and feedback from my trusted friends, the next phase is where I get frustrated, hate everyone, and decide I’m a horrible writer. When I’m lucky enough to have a deadline looming, I reluctantly continue to edit, and then hopefully, kill my darlings (or set them aside for next time), and end up with an arc to follow. This year, I have been working on moving past the words and embracing the emotional arc, trusting my body to do what it needs to on stage. Music has been an essential part of helping this happen.
What does gender justice mean to you and how does your work explore themes related to gender and social justice?
This question is daunting because gender justice means so many things, and yet in its essence, I suppose, it means that women, and gender non-conforming people, get to live, and live fully.
The piece I’ll be performing at the Sakhi event is about how our bodies are claimed and controlled when it comes to reproduction. This reality, which I was always somewhat aware of, really slapped me in the face when my body was finally “deemed ready for reproduction” (ie, married to a cis-man). For example, information on monthly changes in cervical fluid, body temperature, etc, and how that correlates to the cycle the inside of our body follows is information that is really passed onto us in great detail when we’re given books and apps on how to get pregnant. Had I known this information when I was a teenager, I would have actually like I owned my own body (a feeling I revel in now even though I’m no longer trying to get pregnant). It is incredibly empowering knowledge – so it’s not a surprise that it’s kept from us. So although my story is very narrowly focused on a few specific anecdotes, it’s actually about the way I, as a human being, have been controlled. In fact, the spark of anger that started this story wasn’t about pregnancy at all, it was getting married and how that tiny legal act seemed to come with a complete redefinition of me, against my will, as a wife. In either case – getting married or reproductive control - what I’m not allowed to do is live my life, fully.
Who is an Asian American artist / writer / performer that inspires you and why?
Alok Vaid-Menon. I haven’t had the pleasure of seeing the Dark Matter duo, but I finally saw Alok at last year’s Sakhi Gender Justice and the Arts event and I was blown away. They are an incredible artist, performer, and poet, and that alone is inspiring. I scribbled down quotes from the evening, and one that has given me strength this past year was “I don’t believe you have to have hope to keep trying”. I follow them on Instagram now and even their Instagram feed inspires me! @alokvmenon
What can Sakhi supporters look forward to seeing from you at Bowery on 7/31?
I am a non-singer. Just a couple of years ago I didn’t even sing to myself in the shower, I only sang in muttered breathe under really loud music because I had way too much shame. I pushed myself on a whim. I felt like a hypocrite as a champion and supporter of all people having a voice, muzzling my own voice. Somehow (through a long, terrifying journey), I’ve now sung in front of a total of 390 people! So you can look forward to a terrified, bad singer, pushing herself on stage, and my gratitude to you being part of my journey.
What’s your favorite thing about summer in New York?
Fireflies in abandoned lots.
Bex Kwan is a queer/trans chinese-singaporean multimedia artist who works in words, food, and performance, and a featured artist in Sakhi’s upcoming show, “Gender Justice + The Arts: An Asian American Showcase” at Bowery Poetry Club on 7/31! Their creative practice asks questions about family, faith, domestic labor, race, migration, and tenderness. Bex has been invited to present at theaters/galleries/ universities in Singapore and the US, including La MaMa and Brooklyn Arts Exchange, and was a part of EMERGENYC—the Hemispheric New York Emerging Performers Program. More at www.bexkwan.com
Can you describe your art / poetry / writing / music and your artistic process?
I’m a performer, cook and organizer. I mostly write the poems I perform on the C train, in the “notes” app on my phone when I run out of downloaded podcasts. I’ve never really written to process, I guess, but I think about performing as a way for me to puzzle through questions that I haven’t figured out yet. Like maybe someone who’s listening is trying to think through the same thing and we’re having a brainstorm session. I’m drawn to creating gentle moments where people direct their energy inward and take a second to be still. Maybe it’s a meal that you can’t scroll through Facebook while eating it because it demands your undivided attention. Or a string of sounds that makes you rack your brain trying to remember which 90s song you heard it sampled in. It’s all about the audience for me, you know that moment when you feel the whole room levitate with you. It’s my favorite.
What does gender justice mean to you and how does your work explore themes related to gender and social justice?
My art making stems from a need to make mirrors for my communities to see ourselves, to know that the ghosts we struggle with are big and real, and to build the power in all difficult and magnificent parts of our being. I think about my creative practice and my organizing practice as one in the same, except with different materials. One involves text, voice, food. Another involves people, money, land. Both come from the understanding that the relationship that queer/trans asian-ed bodies have to a white gender narrative is inherently connected to the way the U.S. has and continues to amass wealth and power as an empire. Both are ways that I work through and to bring more free.
Who is an Asian American artist / writer / performer that inspires you and why?
I’m gonna cheat and list a couple: I think the work that Equality Labs does is awesome. I’m looking forward to Janani Balasubramanian’s speculative fiction novel. Mia Katigbak is a power house producer and breathtaking to watch onstage. They all do hard work with tenderness, and that sits right with me.
What can Sakhi supporters look forward to seeing from you at Bowery on 7/31?
A couple of poems and maybe a cute outfit.
What’s your favorite thing about summer in New York?
My dog looks 100% happier in the summer because it’s hot so their mouth hangs open. Picture below:
Dee Mandiyan is a queer South Asian writer and performer and featured artist in Sakhi’s upcoming show, “Gender Justice + The Arts: An Asian American Showcase” at Bowery Poetry Club on 7/31! Their passion lies in expanding models of gender, racial, and sexual identity and promoting more complex narratives of those intersections. Much of their time is spent advocating and agitating for racial and queer justice through literature, education and social media. In their free time, they write fiction, tell amazing dad jokes, fight dragons, and obey the whims of neighborhood cats. Catch Dee at our show this month and on Instagram @deemn716.
Can you describe your art / poetry / writing / music and your artistic process?
My writing has a pretty wide range—I started and have done the most formal training in poetry, but have been writing fiction for years and years. Most recently, I’ve gotten into the “creative non-fiction” type of work—reflecting on my own experiences and building a thematic tapestry from them. Process-wise, I’m what some folks call an “immersive” writer, which means I basically hole up in a quiet place and put myself into the exact mood of the piece I’m writing and then bang out words for hours and hours and hours. I’m not methodical about it—it’s something that happens when inspiration and will co-conspire.
What does gender justice mean to you and how does your work explore themes related to gender and social justice?
Gender justice is foundational to my creative process; I define who I’m writing about and what processes they experience internally and externally based on the dynamics of representation and oppression I experience and learn about within my communities. My introduction to social justice was through gender—the constant punishment of how I was performing or not performing gender, the culture clash and the never-ending sense of being neither this nor that but having no other options visible to me. I’m hoping to take my work in the direction of representing more of the gender options available to black and brown people in all their complexities.
Who is an Asian American artist / writer / performer that inspires you and why?
To be honest—I don’t know! There are folks who I’ve seen as similar enough to me for their work to be meaningful, but it isn’t until really recently that I’ve felt a sense of recognition from and community with APIDA performers who have also been figuring out body and gender and survival and struggle and—most importantly for me—solidarity with other people of color. Ayqa Khan, Paul Tran, folks like them ignite me. My partner will say that she’s not an artist or performer but the work she does in justice education, accountability and advocacy is just immense and ever-expanding. What I find really inspirational about how she operates is that she brings everyone around her with her as she learns—so when we talk about accountability as a call to “gather your people,” she’s already there. She’s already brought her whole family with her.
What can Sakhi supporters look forward to seeing from you at Bowery on 7/31?
Folks can look forward to me offering a challenge: how deeply can we grapple with the violence of colonialism as we ourselves perpetuate it upon one body… one body with perfect eyebrows (shoutout to my mama).
What’s your favorite thing about summer in New York?
Summer in New York means all my queer and trans people of color come out of hibernation and treat the train platform like a runway and it’s honestly the most beautiful thing. Queer melanin everywhere. It’s perfection.
Kai Williams is a fiction writer / spoken word poet based in New York City and featured artist in Sakhi’s upcoming show, “Gender Justice + The Arts: An Asian American Showcase” at Bowery Poetry Club on 7/31! Most recently, she received an Honorable Mention for her submission to the New York Times’ Modern Love college essay contest. She is a 2015 alumna of the National YoungArts Foundation, as a national finalist in writing. Her work has been published in The AmerAsia Journal, Pushing Past Limits: Young Writer’s Anthology published by VerbalEyze Press, For the Sonorous Magazine and Mask Magazine. She is also a founder and Executive Director of Eat At The Table Theatre Company, a non-profit theater arts organization for young actors of color. Catch Kai at our show this month and on Instagram at @kainaima
Can you describe your art / poetry / writing / music and your artistic process?
When I decide to a write spoken word poem I generally carve out a specific time of the day or night that will put me in the most vulnerable and creative mindset. 4:00 AM is a good time for this. 11:00 PM is a good time for this. Ambiance is important to me so I’ll put on music that aligns with my mood and surround myself in my notebooks. And then I just sit with my laptop and try to write down every single thought I have about the subject that’s compelling me to write. This can take hours. When I write down an idea that strikes me as particularly interesting or as the correct approach for the poem, I just follow that lead and write until I have a first draft. After that, it’s a process of editing and exploring performance techniques.
What does gender justice mean to you and how does your work explore themes related to gender and social justice?
Gender justice is a primary theme and motivating factor in my work, particularly my poetry. My work is primarily concerned with analyzing the processes of self-identification for women of color. As a mixed-raced, loudly third-wave feminist young writer from the Bronx who has navigated primarily predominantly white institutions, nothing moves me more than exploring the relationships between other girls of color my age, and the unique, unbidden magic that they carry with them just to survive their daily worlds. I am obsessed with understanding how young women of color could find, pursue and maintain love for others as well as for themselves in spaces where they are starkly the minority. I perform spoken word to call attention to the injustices implemented by the white supremacist capitalist patriarchy, using my interactions with the system as a young queer woman of color. Performance gives me an opportunity to vocalize my power beyond the page and I strive to empower and evoke experiences from other women of color.
Who is an Asian American artist / writer / performer that inspires you and why?
I really dig Awkwafina right now. She’s so New York. She’s got that vulgar, snarky, observational humor I feel like so many of my friends and I identify with as young women who grew up here. I think that rap is one of the greatest mediums of personal storytelling, especially for people who don’t stand to benefit from the systems in place in their communities. I love when people of color who grew up around, respect and revere rap, especially those you wouldn’t necessarily expect like young Asian women, choose to try their hand, even with comedy-rap like Awkwafina’s. She’s a girl from Queens who picked up this funny form of rapping and then kept finessing her way into really coveted, big Hollywood jobs on her unique wit and unwavering specificity of self. I can get behind that.
What can Sakhi supporters look forward to seeing from you at Bowery on 7/31?
I plan to perform spoken word poetry that delves into the intersections between race and womanhood. Recently, I am deeply engaged in creating poetry that speaks to the experiences of women who belong to multiple “minority groups”: namely queer women and women of color (and queer women of color). I am interested in dissecting the details of these intersections, the tensions that exist and conflicts that are developed in light of them, and the ways in which oppressions mimic one another.
What’s your favorite thing about summer in New York?
When I was living in Connecticut this winter and I couldn’t see a foot in front of me because the snow was coming down with such a vengeance I felt as though it could wipe out my entire history, all I wanted was to be in New York in July. I had this fantasy of stumbling upon a Mr. Softee truck, ordering a chocolate ice cream with rainbow sprinklers, then walking the length of 125th between St. Nick and 5th Avenue while listening to Beyoncé’s “Dance for You” and wearing something short and cute. My favorite thing about summer in New York is that feeling of utter freedom and bliss. There are little happinesses on every street and it’s warm enough to walk the streets until you’re satisfied with the amount you’ve come across that day.
By Alpa Rajai
I often play the “name your feeling” game with my 3 year old daughter. However, I could not particularly describe the emotions I felt as I read about the Neha Rastogi and Abhishek Gattani case: a stellar ex-employee of Apple was verbally abused, punished like a child, and beaten by her Silicon Valley ex-CEO husband in an upper middle-class setting in sunny California. She was a well-educated, financially independent, gainfully employed mother of a 3 year old and she was in an abusive marriage for 10 years.
I know my heart was racing, my palms were sweaty, and the blood was rushing up to my face as I listened to only some of recordings she presented to the courts. Did I have tears rolling down my eyes? What was this emotion I was feeling?
I was angry - mad at the abusive husband, his scheming attorney, and the (seemingly) indifferent judge. What made this man think he was allowed to treat his wife in such a way - beating her, punishing her, making her feel so little? How can the legal system of a nation like America allow him to bargain a plea deal and get away with this? How could the judge go away on vacation before deciding on this important case?
I felt cheated – like most others, I had this picture of DV victims: low-income or uneducated or financially dependent on the abuser. This assumption was always validated by various articles and cases I had previously seen. However, Neha was everything but that typical image. She could’ve been my friend, my colleague, my classmate, my daughter… It was an important reminder that domestic violence does not see race, social class, color, gender, or religion. It forced me to discuss this “sensitive” topic within my social circles to bring home the point that we cannot brush aside or remain indifferent to the important issue of domestic violence.
I felt despair - It was evident that the victim in this case was not raised to accept abuse because she expresses her shock after the first domestic abuse incident. Nonetheless, she was a victim of domestic abuse for 10 years. How do I ensure my daughter or any person does not end up with this same fate?
I felt thankful – she finally spoke up and walked out. Unfortunately, the first response from many when this case first surface was, “why did she stay?” I remembered that it is better late than never. I also remembered my Sakhi training which provided so many reasons why: fear, victim shame, optimism, age-old and constantly reinforced idea that marriage is meant to be forever, social and family pressures, etc.
I was hopeful – Sakhi and many other feminist groups have been actively working to empower women and to drive away from these age-old ideas. We can work harder to ensure victims have the confidence to speak up. We can teach everyone that there is no shame in being a victim - whether of domestic violence or sexual abuse or rape. We can actively and consciously redirect this shame onto the abusers - they are the ones who acted shamefully. We can progress on our journey of gender equality with the men in our lives as our allies.
Finally and more importantly, I felt inspired to continue working as a Sakhi volunteer. Neha’s case epitomizes the need for this organization which is not just addressing cases post-abuse (a critical function) but also working hard to empower women and fight for gender equality to eliminate the root cause of abuse. It has reinvigorated me and many others to engage in every means possible and urge others to act.
To voice your concerns for Neha’s case specifically:
To make an impact in the fight against domestic violence / sexual abuse and towards gender equality:
http://www.sakhi.org/about-sakhi/get-involved-2/
Alpa Rajai is a Sakhi volunteer and a seasoned professional with over 13 years of experience in banking and consulting. She was born and raised in Mumbai, India by a feminist-but-in-denial family that introduced her to community service early on in life – which is probably why remains passionate about giving back and attaining gender equality. When she is not working or volunteering, she loves to spend quality time and rediscover this beautiful world with her curious little daughter.
So proud to march with you!
Sakhi for South Asian Women + supporters at the Women’s March on NYC, January 21, 2017.
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By Sonia Mittal
As many excited feminists know, there are a growing number of initiatives taking place to raise awareness about sexual assault on college campuses in the United States. One of the most influential has been the “Carry the Weight” initiative started by Emma Sulkowicz at Columbia University. After being raped by a classmate who the school cleared of the crime, she vowed to carry a mattress with her as long as she and the accused student attended the same school in order to represent the weight she has to carry around with her every day since this traumatic experience. This even resulted in her receiving a standing ovation as she carried the mattress across stage on her graduation day in order to show the lack of action taken by the administration at larger universities. This movement is one of many that has gathered force in the recent years in order to spur more conversations about sexual assault especially within younger generations.
Another important instance is the “Enough is Enough” legislation in which all colleges in New York State are required to adopt a uniform definition of affirmative consent, must ensure an amnesty policy in which students coming forth with incidents of sexual assault are immune to campus violations surrounding drug and alcohol use, and have to create a unit within the State Police that is trained to respond to crimes of sexual assault.
While I personally have never experienced sexual assault, I have been heavily involved in encouraging conversations surrounding this topic in order to remove the stigma behind this type of violence on my college campus. Yet, after various workshops and trainings I have realized how even though there are now numerous stories in the media and people coming forth talking about their personal experiences and ways to survive from such a trauma, there is more work that needs to be done to make sure that the voices of South Asians all around the nation are heard. That is not to say that South Asian names are not extremely apparent in the media today. From Mindy KalingandJhumpa LahiritoPriyanka ChopraandKiran Gandhi, Indian women have been making headlines for their amazing job using different platforms to tackle important women’s rights issues. Yet, while there is a significant amount of progressive work being done in organizations like Sakhi and on college campuses, there is more to be done to make conversations surrounding healthy relationships and sexuality more normalized within South Asian communities.
Through watching Bollywood movies, talking to friends, and reflecting on my own relationship with my parents and extended family, I have come to the conclusion that there are certain widespread cultural ideals that often silence issues of sexuality and gender within the South Asian community. Discussing these topics is essential in raising awareness about sexual assault and domestic violence from a very young age. I have been lucky enough to grow up in a household where my parents have been very open about having conversations involving sex and relationships. My mom has discussed how a partner should be treating me, has made sure that I am respected in every relationship that I am part of including that between family members and friends, and has warned me of the signs that indicate unsafe situations. My relationship with my mom has influenced the way I interact with men on a day to day basis. I pay attention to the words other people use when talking to me, and if I start to feel hurt or misspoken to in anyway, whether the impact of the comment was intentional or unintentional, I separate myself from the situation immediately. I am also aware of physical connection and know how to say stop if I feel that I am being touched in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel more safe and secure knowing that I can discuss incidents like these with my parents and that I am not alone.
However, even just glancing at the relationships I know many of my South Asian friends have with their parents or even looking at my own relationship with my grandparents, there are so many differences that can certainly lead to a misunderstanding or lack of information about relationships, communication, and sexuality. Without an understanding of what constitutes a good or bad relationship, how one should be treated by others, and even how to stop certain uncomfortable situations from happening, students are going to feel less inclined to speak up and offer support to others who are brought up in a closed, more secretive household.
In order to be agents of change in gender justice movements and push back against environments that claim that women can not be sexual, it is important that women in the South Asian community speak out as much as possible. Whether this means volunteering for an organization like Sakhi or working at colleges to remove the cultural taboo around topics like relationships, sexual assault, or sexuality, it is important to create and foster spaces where young women can participate. Students should start to teach both elders and younger people the importance of having a relationship where topics like sex and gender can be discussed, whether this means discussing this with parents or serving as a role model for siblings. While change is often difficult and we know it’s culturally important to respect our elders, it is vital that women within the South Asian community assert themselves and create and nurture environments where our voices are heard.
Sonia Mittal is a sophomore at Brown University studying Economics and Psychology. She grew up in New York City and has always been extremely passionate about issues surrounding women’s rights. She has done a lot of work in infertility clinics and looking at women’s reproductive rights both in the United States and in India. In college, she is heavily involved in the South Asian Students Association, is on the executive board of Women in Business, and works with various organizations to bring awareness to others about sexual assault on college campuses.
