#goodbye tcc

my dearest, sol,

you’ve taught me for two years. a third year in september now. i believed i was in love with you - but what even is love to me when i cannot find the words to define it. but, it was never true. my schoolgirl crush on you was deluded with fantasies i had of you, but never of you. my insecurities, my broken home, my dreams manifested into this attachment i had on you.

you were constantly on my mind, and i dreamt and dreamt for you to notice me. and you did, god it felt so good; i felt so special,  but not in the way i wanted. you gave me attention, you gave me care, you gave me the support i never found in my mother. you were there to fill the empty, aching shell of my absent mother figure.

believing i was in love with you has been fun, even when i started to see it wasn’t true. you were my muse, my phaon to my sappho. poetry spouted out of me like a waterfall, and those who loved unrequitedly came drinking with parched throats. i’ve met many beautiful people, baring stories similar to mine, because of my endearment of you. and, i thank you for that.

however, it’s time to move on now before this unrequited feeling drives me to insanity. phaon did not love sappho, yet sappho loved her. my sol, you never loved me, yet i loved you. i shall not be driven to such a tragedy, by your unreciprocated love. i shall see in again september, but with new eyes. goodbye.

— my last love letter to you