#unreciprocated love

You deserve someone that won’t leave even when it’s hard to breathe.

In the end I realized you weren’t the one for me, but damn, I really wanted you to be.

I still remember how every time we would look at the stars we’d dream of each other.

The winter smell, the snowy days, I still miss you in our brighter days.

A devastated soul can kill faster than any virus.

You might see the moon with someone else but you’ll never find our exact stars again.

I still see you when my eyes are closed.

It had been a while since I dreamt of you and now I am at the depths of despair missing you.

I loved you with everything I had, it just wasn’t enough.

You’ll light one of those Marlboros we always used to smoke, and as the clouds of smoke billow through the air your mind will drift to us. It’s been years, but occasionally, you think back to that summer. A summer of unrequited love. You’ll remember the first time you kissed me, and you’ll remember the last. Then the sun will eventually fade into the horizon and the dark will creep it’s way in, and you’ll realise again that it’s over. It’s been over since the day we first met. All we have is the memories, those bittersweet memories that are still too precious to let go of. Without them, it would have all been just a dream. And maybe that’s all it was. But you’ll remember everything as if it were yesterday - and you’ll wonder where it all went wrong, and you’ll think about the timing, and what it could have been, what we could have been.

He smelled like Marlboro reds

my dearest, sol,

you’ve taught me for two years. a third year in september now. i believed i was in love with you - but what even is love to me when i cannot find the words to define it. but, it was never true. my schoolgirl crush on you was deluded with fantasies i had of you, but never of you. my insecurities, my broken home, my dreams manifested into this attachment i had on you.

you were constantly on my mind, and i dreamt and dreamt for you to notice me. and you did, god it felt so good; i felt so special,  but not in the way i wanted. you gave me attention, you gave me care, you gave me the support i never found in my mother. you were there to fill the empty, aching shell of my absent mother figure.

believing i was in love with you has been fun, even when i started to see it wasn’t true. you were my muse, my phaon to my sappho. poetry spouted out of me like a waterfall, and those who loved unrequitedly came drinking with parched throats. i’ve met many beautiful people, baring stories similar to mine, because of my endearment of you. and, i thank you for that.

however, it’s time to move on now before this unrequited feeling drives me to insanity. phaon did not love sappho, yet sappho loved her. my sol, you never loved me, yet i loved you. i shall not be driven to such a tragedy, by your unreciprocated love. i shall see in again september, but with new eyes. goodbye.

— my last love letter to you

you complimented my makeup today;
i doubt you’ll ever know what that means to me
to have someone you have poured your soul,
your heart, the entirety of your being too,
mirror your adoration, even if it is a fraction of it

you were never mine in the first place
but the serpent of your name
carved in someone else’s heart
has the same poison in its fangs
as the serpent that would be
if you belonged to me

its bite intoxicated me with jealousy,
infecting my bloodstream, and every inch of my being
but i have no right to be this way,
for i am not yours, and you are not mine

yet, why do i present the same symptoms
as someone who watched their lover fall for someone else
doctor, oh doctor, can you cure me of this ailment
may i mistake these feelings for something
they are not

the tattoos adorned on your skin tell a story
let me trace every page; let me consume each word
i’m know you are aware of my desire for reading

there are moons inked on your back
i caught a glimpse of them, amidst last week’s heat
my cheeks reddened as if i imposed on something intimate
yet my eyes were bewitched and my gaze remained glued

i am intrigued, needless to say,
may i learn more of this tale?
or is this an instance of passing by a bookshop window
and never finding that windowsill display again

i barely even know you
you are not the woman you present yourself as
but, i know more about you than others like me do
so tell me please,

will there ever come a day i will learn of your moons?
-this is not something the textbooks can answer

what would it be like to be alone with you again?
it’s been so long, i have almost forgotten
the way my heart would pound against my chest,
the way your eyes would dive into my soul

you are an explorer, plummeting into the ocean of my heart
i usher you forward, daring you even
it’s dark, and dangerous; too deep and you may drown
but beneath it all is the gold
glistening dully, on its last thread of hope

the memories are fading into nothingness
but maybe it’s meant to be,
like letting go of blissful childhood, when
adulthood is ushering you forward
yet, i miss the way i felt when i was alone with you
don’t let this be something ordinary in pink tint

i ache, and i ache, but that will do nothing at all
please call for my name, i just want to feel special once more

but you are a painting and i am a bystander
you are as beautiful as sappho, and i say this with candour
i stop and i stare, but i’m not the only one
your world does not revolve around me for i am not the sun

“i have loved you. i have had to deal with that.”

By request for @borb0letas-a-voar 

1. “You’re not my type.”
2. “What the hell gave you the idea that we could ever work out?”
3. “I love them but they don’t even know I exist.”
4. “I just wanted them to feel the way about me that I feel about them. Is that so wrong.”
5. “You should have just said you don’t love me. It would have hurt a lot fuckin less.”
6. “Maybe it’s a blessing he didn’t love me. I didn’t end up with a murderer.”
7. “I’m not crying because you don’t love me. I’m crying because I still love you.”
8. “You can do better than her.”
9. “I’ll wait for your feelings to match mine.”
10. “You not loving me back was the best thing that ever happened to me.”
11. “I thought I loved you back but I only loved what you could do for me.”
12. “I can’t just delete my feelings because yours aren’t the same.”
13. “I want someone I can’t have and it’s killing me inside. I can’t live with these feelings!”
14. “You’re just a good fuck. I don’t see us growing old together.”
15. “I tried to love you back. I wanted to love you back. I wanted to see your smile. But I love them, not you.”
16. “We’re not kids anymore. I’ve moved on and so should you.”
17. “Stop this! You can’t force me to love you.”
18. “I wasn’t looking for love. I was just looking for some fun. I thought you were too.”
19. “We barely know each other. Stop saying you love me.”
20. “You love me? Who are you?”
21. “I owe you my life but I can’t pretend I have feelings for you.”
22. “How can you say you don’t love me after everything that’s happened?”
23. “What do you mean you don’t like me that way…?”
24. “I thought if I changed myself, became everything they liked, they’d love me back.”
25. “Why do I only fall in love with people who want nothing to do with me?”