maybe it was bad to think about him this way, but before you could stop and think about the satirity of it all, your hands are already slipping into your panties. another night, another lewd thought of your step brother.
except this time you’re ignorant to the eyes that peek through the gap in the door.
“you really thought, all these nights, you were being quiet?” no. you thought you were being quiet enough, there’s no denying that soft moans would occasionally slip out of your mouth, but you didn’t think anyone heard.
now, you’re sure anyone could hear you, even through the thick walls of your room. thank god your parents are out for vacation, it would be so shameful to hear how their daughter gets fingered by her step brother.
“fuck, stop” you moan, crying against him as you grab his wrist and try to pull him away from you.
“you don’t like it?” he scoffs and laughs at you. “this hole down here says something else” it’s true, you’re practically dripping like a faucet around his fingers.
“i like it, f-feels so good” you can barely get out the right words when his fingers purposefully press against that special spot inside your walls, just enough to make you stutter and trip over your words. “but… i want m-more- mhhh!”
“more? i’m already fucking you with my fingers, isn’t that enough for you, filthy whore?” he asks in a condescending tone, his warm breath shuddering against your neck, making you tremble in anticipation, because you know despite all the teasing he wants the same thing you do, and won’t take long to fall into his desire.
“you’re so dirty, you’re not even satisfied with my fingers, you want your big brother to fuck you with his cock, make you feel so full, ‘s that what you want?” even if he’s not really your big brother, the title still makes your pussy flutter around his fingers. “you really like that?” it’s almost maddening how he effortlessly leaves you a mess beside him when he pulls out his fingers and uses them to slide down his sweatpants, revealing his hard cock.
“turn around” you quickly do what he said, too excited to tell him otherwise. you’ve already had a small taste of what his fingers can do, it’s only natural you’re eager for him to use his cock. you’re laying on your side, his chest pressed against your back and one of his hands keeping balance with your body while his other hand guides his cock into your cunt.
“you’re so filthy” he says, slowly sinking into you while his fingers tighten around your hips and your needy hole drips down your thighs and onto the sheets beneath you.
“i’m not the only one,” you say, catching him off guard. he wasn’t expecting to hear anything from you when you were panting and drooling into the pillow a second ago. “you’re just as filthy as me, bet you were waiting for them to leave just so you could fuck me”
his nails dig into the skin beneath, so much it almost draws blood, so instead he moves it to the back of your thigh. there, he spreads your legs open, giving him better access to start moving into you. his other hand slips around your throat and chokes you, making it so hard to breath when you most needed to.
“what about you?” he asks, his thrusts knock the air out of your lungs, and his hand makes it so hard to get it back. “at least i waited, but you? you didn’t even wait until they were gone, you would touch yourself… while they were sleeping downstairs, and you still have the courage to talk back” you start to regret ever saying anything, you should’ve just kept quiet and maybe he wouldn’t be so hard on you. “don’t worry, i’ll teach you some manners”.
HAIKYUU BOYS REACTING TO THEIR DICK PRINTS SHOWING AT THE BEACH.
— seijoh version.
genre: crack.
warnings: suggestive content + swearing. all characters are aged up.
— a/n: from me and @bootylikepeachy thirsting over argentina!oikawa hehe. i’m not sure if this even makes sense but if you like these and want more let me know shskskkss.
—OIKAWA TOORU; cocky as fuck! he knows his dick is pretty, so what if you can see it? will walk out of the water in slow motion, running his hand through his hair with a smirk, before strutting across the sand with his thang thangin’. would definitely wear a speedo.
—MATSUKAWA ISSEI; is actually shy about his dick print showing. he knows that motherfucker (lmao literal mother fucker, he could pull all the milfs) is huge, so he tries to wear swim shorts that are a bit longer than usual. he’s had one traumatising experience when his dick was peaking out at the bottom of his shorts and a random dog ran up to him and licked the tip. he’s never been the same since.
—HANAMAKI TAKAHIRO; is really chill about his dick print, doesn’t really care if anyone stares. in fact, he loves to traumatise mattsun and iwa, resident prudes, by jumping up and down, swinging his dick around carelessly.
—IWAIZUMI HAJIME; he struggles the most with hiding his dick print. listen, he’s a thicc boy which means thicc thighs + wet shorts = his fat dick on show for everyone. he tries to buy bigger shorts, but they’re always tight and ride up his thighs, especially when he sits down. constantly has a towel over his lap or is shifting his dick around to make it less…prominent. never really works.
—KINDAICHI YUUTAROU;healso wants his dick print to be seen. will grab it to show it off more when girls walk past. but he’s also awkward as fuck. his shorts don’t fit right, so when he bends down to pick up shells in the sand, his dick just flops out. yeah that’s one way to get the girls’ attention.
—KUNIMI AKIRA; he doesn’t really like the beach in general, so oikawa lends him a spare speedo since he doesn’t own swimwear. swimming in the sea is a no, so he takes to laying out on the sand - will most likely nap. the boys clown him and build a mermaid tail that unsurprisingly doesn’t cover his bulge, yet when he wakes up and looks down he just shrugs and goes back to sleep. too bad he doesn’t notice the seagulls eyeing him up.
—KYOUTANI KENTAROU; him and his dick are a fucking menace at the beach. another who has his dick peaking out the bottom of his shorts, but he lives for the surprised gasps of everyone around him when the sunlight catches the glint of his pretty prince albert piercing. his print also looks a bit odd from the frenum ladder running along his shaft (what can i say, ceo of piercing his dick). is also the type to be like, “the fuck are you staring at?”
warningsnotedited, break ups, and some awkward moments
genre angst, college au
word count1.3k
inspirationn/a
synopsis in which you stop by your ex’s place to get the last of your things, putting the last nail in the coffin for the both of you
This was a bad idea, not only you said this but your best friend who had told you multiple times, had said this. But you couldn’t just leave them there. And it was definitely out of the question to return to you and Atsumu’s messages and awkwardly ask him to drop off your stuff.
You shuddered at the sole thought of it.
Though, as you stood in front of his familiar apartment door, memories flooding back, you considered the latter. No matter how awkward or selfish it was.
The longer you stood at a stand still, those memories began to rage. From the first time you walked up to it. To all the lighthearted times Atsumu held you against it, the both of you laughing and giggling as he would place butterfly kisses all over your face, never forgetting that sensitive spot on your neck.
And of course you couldn’t forget the pouring night you and him put the final nail in the coffin for your relationship.
Now that, made you shudder.
You didn’t like recalling that moment. It still felt fresh considering it was just two weeks ago. But it just came back whenever you thought you had finally rid your mind of Atsumu completely. It flooded you with guilt and a smidge of regret, even though the split was mutual.
Thankfully, there were no tears shared. The realization hit you when had got back to your own apartment, in dry clothes and warm sheets, your best friend convinced you to immediately delete all your pictures with him. You still remember vividly the salty tears that welled up in your eyes.
You always wondered if the same happened to Atsumu when he deleted your photos together too.
“Alright,” never did you expect you’d be giving yourself a pep talk outside your ex’s door, but here you were. Bouncing on the balls of your feet, preparing yourself like you were about to run miles or score a winning point for your team.
But no, it was none of that. Just preparing yourself to get the last things that connected a string between you and Atsumu.
“You can do this. Just in and out.” You inhaled deeply and let it go slower than you anticipated. Why did this have to be so hard?
Finally, shaking off your jitters and doubts, your raised a fist to knock at Atsumu’s door. But you practically froze when you heard the stalling of footsteps behind you.
“Uh, ___?” No, no, no. One those balls of your feet, you slowly turned to face Atsumu. He looked confused to say the least. Who wouldn’t when their ex of two weeks is at their door?
You cleared your throat. “I—uh— hey, I was just here to— uh— pick up my stuff, you know?” Atsumu’s face relieved itself of the confusion, practically saying ‘Ah’ just by the expression.
“About time,” he makes the joke but doesn’t full on laugh himself. It misses you with too, a too soon on the tip of your tongue. Though it really wasn’t, Atsumu had gotten his stuff from your place last week. You wonder if he had been waiting for your stale text for the past week.
Atsumu clears his throat like you had done. “I should open the door.” He whispers and glides past you. Silently, you follow him. Almost letting a quip to retort back to him but you knew you guys were not at that stage of comfortability anymore, far from it. And you bet you guys were never going to reach it again.
You follow him inside and see that many of the lights are already on, so you assume Osamu was inside. The image of him opening the door on you before you could get to knock because he heard your stupid pep talk creeped up on you and you cringed.
Yet his head of brown didn’t pop out anywhere to point at you and laugh like he did when you used to do things like that. There was going to be no more that either, the realization made you frown.
You stayed behind Atsumu through the layout of his apartment, walking around here was like second nature to you, you almost had the urge to walk beside him. But you kept you distance, even in his bedroom where you guys would spend sleepless nights talking about anything but nothing at the same time.
“I think it should be over here.” Atsumu headed to a corner of his room, definitely referring to a crate or box where he had stored your things. And bingo, he was. The box was quite big like the one your best friend helped you pack with his stuff.
No surprise because this apartment was your second home. First really if you thought about it.
“Here.” Atsumu said, but he made to move to hand it over to you. It was like he was soaking up his last moments with your things, and possibly with you.
And it wasn’t like you made a move either. Deep down your felt that regret. Walking in here did not help with your want to move on. It just made you realize how much you missed it. How much you missed your relationship, and how much you missed Atsumu.
Only seconds ticked by before Atsumu jutted the box out to you but it felt like hours. You accepted it, muttering a quiet thank you.
“I should get going.” You said, it was in a sad tone and you’re sure he caught that. You took a single step back to distance yourself.
Atsumu nodded, agreeing silently. He led you out of his room, and without any words, you said good bye to it and to the hallways with the scratches and dents, to the living room where game and movie night would happen, to the kitchen where Atsumu would hover over you whenever you cooked. You’d especially miss the slow dances to old rnb, that was a memory you treasured.
And like you wanted, you were in and out. Standing on the opposite side of the door while Atsumu stood in the threshold. You weren’t going to give your self a pep talk this time around, now it was time to say good bye. Not to the door, but to Atsumu.
His eyes were sad, and you could assume yours were too. “So,” he started, scratching at his nape.
“So,” you copied. There was a silence before Atsumu unexpectedly let out a laugh.
“I’m sorry— it’s just— I never imagined us doing this.” He took the words right out of your mouth. You and Atsumu used to talk about your future together frequently, especially about marriage. And now those talks would have to be forgotten.
You nodded. “Me either,” you smiled weakly. “But it’s for the best right? This what we both wanted?”
Was it?
Atsumu’s mouth twitched like he wanted to say something different other than, “Right.”
Another silence came between you two, which Atsumu shattered again. “I guess I’ll see you around campus, yea?”
You hummed. “I’ll see you.” You edged back a bit, still somehow holding eye contact with Atsumu. The image of you guys having one of those dramatic movie scenes where you just run back into each other’s arm and say how much you regretted ever breaking up played in your mind.
But that didn’t happen. You finally said goodbye to Atsumu with your eyes, turning away and walking down the hallway for what you expected to be the last time.
Standing in the elevator, you came to terms that breaking up with Atsumu was definitely something you didn’t want. Yet, it seemed like things were already set in stone for the both of you.
warningsnothing really, y/n just has a shitty boyfriend, also not edited
genrefluff, roomates au, college
word count 1.1k
inspon/a
synopsisin which akaashi outperforms your boyfriend, helping you come to the realization that you should never settle for less
a/nwhew i’ve been in a writers block so this an old draft i’ll probs edit in the future but ( hopefully ) starting today through the 14th i’ll be able to jot out a couple valentines related drabbles. cross your fingers y’all
“You’re home early,” It’s not like you wanted to be. It’s not like you expected to be either. But the previous events of your hangout with your boyfriend led you back to your shared apartment with your roommate, Akaashi.
He looked over the couch curiously at you. Tearing away from his usual nightly read. “Something happen?” He continued.
You sighed, beelining to plop on the couch next to him. “Boyfriends suck.” Is what you responded back to him, your claim being muffled in the material of Akaashi’s pajama pants.
Akaashi hummed, his hand being placed on the back of your neck following the soft sound of bis book closing. “What’d he do?” You hated that you’ve heard Akaashi say that exact same phrase before, but he probably hated it more to say.
“So, you know how we were supposed to celebrate our anniversary, right?” Your head lifted to where your chin was digging into Akaashi’s thigh.
The nod you saw out of the corner of your eye beckoned you to continue. “Well, of course, like usual, he forgot that it was today. And that we were supposed to celebrate at our typical diner. So, I sat alone for an hour…”
Akaashi sucked his teeth. “You could’ve just asked me to pick you up or join you. There’s no reason you should’ve sat there alone.” He was right. But you always gave your boyfriend chances. More shots than he needed.
“I know. But then he finally answered back and said to meet and his place. Stupid me, I expected something romantic to make up for the fumbled lunch plans but of course, it was nothing. Nothing but me watching he and his roommates play games. No flowers, no chocolates, nothing.”
There was a silence, but in that moment you could tell Akaashi was thinking hard. Most likely jumping between the right thing to say to you. You knew he’d find it, he always did.
“___,” Akaashi called for your attention. You answered, shifting your gaze to his face. You despised the skip your heartbeat did when you made such eye contact with Akaashi. Seeing as you had a boyfriend and that he was your long term best friend and roomie. But you couldn’t help it. Who could, honestly?
Akaashi was arguably the full package in your eyes. You can’t believe there was once a time you saw your boyfriend as the same.
“When was the last time he did something like that for you? Not for an occasion, just out of the blue. Just because he wanted to and because he loves you.” Akaashi’s question caught you off guard to say the least.
It really made you think, when was the last time he did something nice for you just because?
Your relationship had been so bare minimum for so long that you could only reminisce when he was a good boyfriend.
“A long time. And sometimes even then did I have to tell him the things I wanted. It sucks that it’s gone downhill from there.” Your voice mellowed out on the final sentence as you came to that realization.
What even was this relationship anymore? And could it be considered that?
“Noted. I’m going to bed.” Abruptly, Akaashi made his exit from your venting session and left you lonely on the couch. The sudden leave had you furrowing your eyebrows but settled on the reasoning being that he probably had a class tomorrow or simply, he was sick and tired of your bitching of your sucky boyfriend.
Which, then, he’d definitely have a right to walk away.
You woke up the next morning with your current situation on your mind. Having went to sleep on it as well. What were you going to do? And how were you going to do it? So many thoughts were jumbled in your mind that you couldn’t get a clear answer.
Stumped, you were going to continue to think on it. That is until there was a knock at your apartment door that you heard faintly. You furrowed your eyebrows since it was definitely unusual at this hour.
Your feet led you out of your room, before you went any farther, you went to check if Akaashi was in motion but it seemed as if he wasn’t. You reached your front door and opened it.
Not expecting to be greeted with a bouquet of hydrangeas. “Uh— I’m sorry… are you sure you have the right apartment?” Is what automatically came from your mouth.
“This is the home of ___ ___? Correct?” The delivery man questioned, checking the card on the flowers.
That led you into a deeper tunnel of confusion. Before you could say anything else, the sound of padding footsteps came from behind you. Akaashi joined you at the door.
“Thank you,” he reached around you to take the flowers, without a word you stepped aside as he waved off the delivery man.
There was nothing but the sound of Akaashi locking the door back. If your mind wasn’t racing before, it definitely was now.
“Akaashi?” You questioned, eyes following him to the kitchen. It was then you noticed his attire. He was dressed nicely, like usual, but it was still pretty early for him to be clad in such clothing.
“Did you have flowers sent for a girl in my name?” Your genuine question caused Akaashi to snort. You joined him in the kitchen to that he had placed the flowers down with an array of things that ranged from teddy bears to chocolates that you recognized as your favorite.
“Close, but no. I ordered some for you last time. And went out to get this stuff this morning.” He pointed to the crowd of things on the counter. You stood in astonishment. For once in a while, your mind was blank.
What was there to think? Your handsome best friend had just fulfilled the easiest task your boyfriend couldn’t even perform. And he did it with no questions asked. Just because…
“Why?” You mumbled, edging closer to him and the counter.
“Why not? You shouldn’t have to ask or wish for the basics from your boyfriend, ___,” his answer garnered a small smile on your face.
“And the fact that you do, just proves there’s something wrong.” You nodded, taking your eyes from the arrangement to Akaashi’s burning gaze.
Your smile widened. “Thank you, Akaashi. I think this is what I needed to finally end things.” Finally, you concluded. Putting an end to your rapid thoughts.
“I’m glad I could be of help. Now, do you like the hydrangeas? I was going to go with roses but I didn’t want to seem to basic so—” You placed a hand on Akaashi’s shoulder.
“I love them, Akaashi.”
You didn’t know what you mr next step was going to be, but you knew you were done settling for less.
synopsis in which kenma leaves his stream almost immediately to join you in bed when you ask
a/n was supposed to post this last week, sorry guys also this is not my best work, my apologies !
It wasn’t common for you to crash any of Kenma’s streams. Of course you did the usual, coming to check up on him, bringing him food and water, the minimum. Even when his audience asked to see more of you, because obviously a glimpse of your sleeve or a simple greeting wasn’t enough for them, you still didn’t stay for too long.
But this occasion was different. You had been stressing for weeks over what Kenma would like to call nothing. But it was something, it was school, it was work, it was the world itself that made your shoulders feel heavy. That made you want to stay in the comfort of your bed and sleep multiple days away. But for your own world to keep spinning, you knew you had to wake up everyday and live it.
Much to your dismay.
It was draining. Today especially, your boss having you stay a couple more hours because of the lack of staff, even having you lock up.
You moved the slowest you had ever trying to change into some comfortable clothes. You were so tired and weak, all you wanted was the feeling of your face pressed against your silk pillowcase and your body encased in your boyfriend’s arms.
But of course he was in the game room, streaming at his usual hour with Kuroo and the others. Apparently with the screams of his name, Lev had tagged along too.
“Must be a special stream,” You mumbled to yourself, dragging your feet down the hall and toward the sounds of video game gunshots and yelling. You didn’t want to interrupt, but you needed Kenma more than anything.
Like always, Kenma took notice of your presence immediately. Fortunately, having won a game right as you walked in. He moved his mic from his lips to greet you, “Hey, ___. Welcome home—”
And there it was. Kenma’s quick eye and mind. He knew something was up. Maybe it was due to your body literally being slumped against the threshold, or your slow blinks, you had your bets placed on the yawn you had just emitted.
“Rough day?” His voice was solemn. He hated what you were going through just as much as you did.
All you could do was hum, resting your head on the doorway and closing your eyes. Kenma hummed himself, obviously pondering to himself.
“Hi, ___!” You heard Lev’s voice, the only thing that encouraged you to shuffle over to Kenma’s set up. The chat flooded with greets and requests for you, you were too tired to peel your eyes at them and read.
“It’s supposed to be a celebratory stream. But if you want me to come to bed with you—” Kenma was saying before you put your hands up.
“If you need to stay, I can just sleep alone.” With that, you were about to take your leave. But Kenma gripped your wrist, swinging you back around to him.
“No. Do you want me to join you?” Kenma’s hand slid down to your own, locking his fingers with yours.
You squeezed his hand. “I didn’t want to seem selfish, but yea, I do.” You admitted, borderline bashfully.
Kenma nodded. “Alright, I’m leaving.” He said so simply that it kind of shocked you.
“Bro, we just started.” Kuroo exclaimed. Kenma just shrugged, turning off his game and removing his headset.
“See you guys, tomorrow.” Kenma waved to his stream, you following suit, before shutting that down as well.
“Jeez. I guess ___ comes first, huh Kenma—?” Yaku mused, that being the last thing you heard from their phone call since Kenma left that without goodbye.
You snorted. “A bit harsh, no?” Kenma stood, already leading you out of the room.
“They’re annoying. Of course I’d choose you over a stream.” Kenma grumbled, dragging you all the way to your shared room and shared bed.
Finally, you sighed as your cheek met the fabric of your pillow. Kenma shuffling over to wrap his arms around you to spoon you.
“You’ll tell me about your day in the morning, hmm?” Kenma asked into your neck.
warnings: a lot of trust issues and mentions of betrayal
summary: being a royal courtier has led you to build up an immovable wall, unflinching and unfeeling. sadly, the wall didn’t account for bokuto koutarou. maybe it isn’t so immovable anymore, is it?
note: this is the angstiest reader i’ve written i’m so sorry if it seems like a lot but also shoutout to @fukurodanni who i wrote this for!! i write a lot of gifts for them because they are lovely and very very kind. also happy belated birthday bokuto!! this is a little late <3
Trustworthy. Such a simple word with so many connotations. Throughout your years inside of palace walls and gilded rooms you have met only one person you think might fit into the word’s neat definition. Akaashi Keiji was your friend since childhood, and the only one who actually decided to stay. Even in the constricting stares of noblemen through court rooms, you know that no matter what you can look over to Akaashi and see someone who you can say anything to. How amusing that you won’t have that soon.
“How long do you think you will be gone?” You try to keep your voice even, almost an instinctual reaction to anything new and changing in your life, where the slightest shift in expression could ruin you, but you can tell Akaashi hears that timber in your voice when he looks over with a pained glance.
“Seven months.”
You turn away. You know it is irrational to be upset with him, because he doesn’t like this just as much as you do, but you can still feel those pinpricks against your chest, whispers of “he wants to leave you” settling across your skin. You shake it off and begin walking away, finding solace in the fact that you knew the footsteps you’d hear behind would still be there for a short while longer. You’ve never gone a day without hearing the soft, yet solid thumps against rich mahogany floors. It fills you with a comfort in the rhythm, a comfort in the stability of knowing you will hear it with you, behind you, that somewhere near you there will always be a friend.
How will the silence feel?
“I’m not going to be leaving you alone.” He says it gently, coaxing you back into speaking with him, with rationalizing, because that was always your relationship with Akaashi. A fine balance of assumptions and reasoning, of instinct and logic. It was how you built your friendship, and it’s also how you pull away and he calls you back.
“Oh really? Because it sounds like you won’t be here for four whole months.” You snap back in a hushed whisper, a knife cutting through the peaceful fog he tried to settle because now was not a time to think rationally.
“I am sending for someone to take my place in court during absence, and I’ve handpicked him. He will not leave you alone.”
“Oh so now it’s twochanges! Even better!” You throw your hands in the air as you walk through opulent halls of gold and silver, gaudy showings of wealth until you reach the oh so familiar doors of your room. You throw them open, and even though you feel anger pulsing through your veins you can feel your fingers hold open the door long enough for Akaashi to slip inside.
You take a deep breath, and keep your face away from him. “I know it’s not your fault. I know. But it still…. it still hurts me.” It’s a wound you can’t cauterize, an ache that won’t fade and you know it won’t heal until seven months have passed and you can see the soft smile that graces his face when you tease him just right again. “You just have to give me some time to come to terms with it.” You pace across the too big room and settle on the bed, not bothering to iron out the wrinkles that crease along the covers, allowing the fabric to crumple and bend as you bring your eyes up to the only person you’ve ever trusted.
“I will miss you. Terribly.” You can’t help the chuckle that escapes your mouth, however wet and broken it might be. He always seemed to know what to say with you, the knowledge passed on from sneaking out to dim-lit libraries and late night conversations leading to not only befriending you but knowing you. It shows in the soft sparkle in his eyes as he looks at you, a maimed smile stretched across his lips that melts into a grimace when you stand to hug him.
“And I as well, ‘Kaashi.” It’s muffled into his shoulder. You can feel the ruffles across the cuffs of his blouse brush against your back as he hugs you tighter, almost trying to memorize the feeling. You know you will both walk out with puffy eyes and tear stained clothing, but you can’t find it in yourself to care as you try to dig yourself deeper into his embrace, to feel as close as you can before you won’t be able to anymore.
“So who’s this replacement supposed to be? I need to know so I can avoid him.” You can feel his laughter echo from his chest to yours, the reverb bouncing through your body and settling you all at once.
“I think he will be quite difficult to avoid. He is someone I trust, and I know he will be there for you.” You hear his words, and you want to imagine living in a place where you can put that trust in someone, to meet someone and not pick out the flaws and imperfections, to see all the things they are with vulnerability and not judgement. This castle is shiny and tacky all at once, and you’ve learned to shield your eyes from views laced with fake gold. It isn’t worth the fantasy of pricelessness.
“There for me? Sure until he sees something brighter on the other side of the courtroom, then he’ll be out in mere moments.” Akaashi sighs and untangles himself from you, staring down in an almost disappointed, but not surprised, expression. How could he be surprised when he was there for the backstabbing and fake smiles and honeyed words laced with arsenic fed to you until you refused to eat anymore.
“Would you like to wager?” You throw him a confused look, noticing the slight shine to his eyes. The look that he knew something you didn’t. But this was a challenge, and this could get you through the seven arduous months of ghostly footsteps in hallways and lonely libraries. The thought of rubbing a victory in his face when he got back was also just as tempting.
“I’d love nothing more.”
——–
He leaves two days later.
Someone new arrives soon after.
The first thing you notice is that he is big. He is built like a knight rather than a noble, a strength to his movements, and a surety that you have rarely seen in those that surround you. It fills you with a curiosity. Watching through a window of the library you’ve stayed in for the past few days, hiding in a safe haven of memories that can keep you only so content without the one residing in them being beside you.
He is different, broad shoulders and an even broader smile pushing up his cheeks as he greets the party sent to welcome him, and you can’t help but stare through dirt covered panes and the ivy that covers them at the unusualness of it all. This was the one Akaashi trusted to be there for you? He was so open and vulnerable though, and your first assumption is that this is an act. It’s a fake naivete, a foolishness that would only last so long before revealing something deeper. The inevitable unfurling of fangs.
As if feeling a stare, the man’s eyes dart across the lawn, scanning across before looking up to the windows and settling on your figure. You freeze, breath caught in your throat in a vice grip as you lock eyes with him. Even through the window you can see golden irises looking at you with as much curiosity as you feel for him.
He smiles. A wave follows not soon after, instinctual and happy as he looks up at you, and the strangeness of it all tugs the small wave from your arm before you duck down and quickly walk to another section of the library. You are so unsure. It raises a feeling of discomfort in you as you finally sit down in a different corner of the library, far away from any windows or knightly nobles.
It didn’t appear as though he thought anything of you looking down to greet him. He almost seemed…. Excited? Almost childishly happy for the attention you gave him, a complete stranger, and it continues to bother you until you realize that you would eventually have to speak with him, and that confusion leads to intimidation.
This was not at all the man who you would think Akaashi would send to help you.
You manage to avoid him for the better part of the day, but peeking down hallway corridors and avoiding crowded spaces can only get you so far before you eventually feel a tap on your shoulder as you take your place to sit at the large marble table in the center of the castle. You hated court sessions, but you also hate the fact that this new stranger was tapping your shoulder from the same seat Akaashi sat in.
“Hello! It’s a pleasure to meet you, would you happen to be friends with a man named Akaashi?” He greets you warmly, so warmly in fact that you can’t do anything but stare at him in confusion until eventually he drops his arm in concern.
“Did I get the seats mixed up? Akaashi told me that whoever the person was sitting to the right of his seat was his friend, but I might’ve gotten it wrong I’m really sorry-” You watch him ramble for a few moments, and try to decipher what this could possibly mean. Was it a ploy to get on your good side?
“You didn’t get it wrong. I am Akaashi’s friend. I presume you are the man sent to… replace him, while he is gone?” You speak as coolly and calmly as you can, and despite the height difference you see him deflate the smallest bit at your tone.
“Ah! Good! Okay that’s reassuring,” He pushes his seat in more, the legs scraping across the marbled floor with a small squeak as he mutters to himself, “I was almost sure I got it wrong.”
“My name is Bokuto Koutarou, and I’ll be here to ensure your safety while Akaashi is gone.” Hearing that fills you with confidence. You had assessed him properly the first time you saw him.
“You’re a knight? That makes a little more sense-”
You hear a smothered laugh, and look up to see him covering his mouth with his hand. Noticing your incredulous stare he snickers one more time before uncovering his mouth to reveal the shark toothed grin underneath it.
“I’m so sorry, but why does everyone think I’m a knight? If you’re looking for a knight in my family, that would be my sister, but I am usually a court advisor.” You can barely manage to cover the surprised look on your face before you smother it. He was a court advisor? How could you have been so far off? The only court advisor you had ever met could barely be considered a person with the fangs they bared in every sneer and subjugating remark they threw.
From what he has shown he was nothing like that, and you didn’t know what to do. It made you nervous.
“Alright then. If you’re such an amazing court advisor that even Akaashi trusts you, what can you tell me about the people sitting here right now?” You motion your hand to the numerous others sitting down preparing for today’s council session, and Bokuto’s eyes follow your hand as you point throughout the room.
“I couldn’t tell you that right now, my main focus for today is to sit and watch the meeting. Once I do that, I can start to figure out who each person is and how they act.”
“So you aren’t quite good at your job then, huh? Aren’t court advisors supposed to be able to look in a room and have everyone “figured out” right away.” You motion your hands in air quotes as you look back at him with a smirk, and he gives you a wide smile before leaning closer.
“Nope! I’m actually great at my job, but this is just how I do things. Any court advisor can say they know everything about each person in the room when they walk in, but it’s usually a lie unless they’ve already acclimated themselves with the place.”
That makes you lean back, and turn silent as you turn your direction to the suddenly very interesting grooves in the table. You aren’t sure what confused you more, the honest response, or the way he completely ignored your jab like it was nothing. It didn’t feel like you were winning this exchange, but the even stranger part was that it didn’t feel like he was winning either. It was just… small talk.
You didn’t speak to him for the rest of the meeting, and he seemed just fine with that, as his focus was more so on each member who spoke. His eyes darted across each courtier’s face, tapping his finger quickly on the table, almost mouthing the words they spoke with each breath he took. He didn’t just focus on their words, he was in them, and you started to realize by the end of the meeting when everyone left and he stayed behind for a few minutes that he wasn’t kidding when he said he was good at his job.
———
It is three days later that he manages to catch you outside of a courtroom laced with eyes calculating each of your moves, and you aren’t quite sure what to think as you hear him call your name from down the hallway.
“I need to speak with you privately for a moment.” The sentence should fill you with dread, but instead you feel a sick sense of relief curl up inside of your chest. This was the moment you were waiting for after all, the moment just before the fall, and knowing there will be no one there to catch you. You wondered what it would be this time. What you didn’t like was the small feeling of sadness that snuck into your chest as well as the relief.
“Of course.” You don’t turn around, and you assume he understands to follow you as you hear his assured heavy footfalls against the floor continue again after a few seconds of pause.
You feel the door slip through your fingertips as you step inside of the library, and you can hear Bokuto catch the door with his own hand before coming inside as well.
“So.” You swallow. “What is it?” You almost wanted to brace yourself, but you knew that it wouldn’t change a thing in the end. A pain once felt never quite goes away even if you try to forget the sting.
“The Treasurer has been taking the money that is supposed to be going to the servants in the castle.” If you weren’t so shocked, you would have found it humorous how you have felt more taken aback and surprised in these past few days than you have in years, but that didn’t change the furrowing of your brow.
“What?”
“The Treasurer? The man sitting in the seat directly besi-” You shake your head.
“I knew who that is, and it is already well known that he has been taking money. The only problem is th-”
“He struck a deal with the Chancellor. I know that. I also know that the deal fell through and that he is no longer protected.” You look at him, the determined set of his jaw and fire dancing through his eyes and you come to the sudden thought that maybe Bokuto was created to take you off guard.
“How do you know that?”
“I just know. But I need you to back me up if he tries to challenge the claim.”
“Why me?” The question is blurted out quickly. And you can see a small smile tug at the edges of his lips.
“Because you are Akaashi’s friend, and because I trust you.” You bark out a small laugh.
“Why would you trust me? I have avoided you as much as I can and when we have spoken I have been nothing but cold to you.”
“Because your reaction to me coming here was the only genuine one I’ve seen the entire time I have been here so far. Everyone else was all smiles and ‘it’s so nice to meet you!’” His voice grows in pitch as his smile turns wider when he points a finger at you. “But you were the only person who was honest about how they felt when I came here. Even if that honestly was avoiding me like the plague and disliking me.” His grin lowers a bit as he laughs, hand scratching the back of his neck almost involuntary. “And also because if Akaashi likes you then that means I like you.”
You weren’t quite sure how to respond to that. You came in here with a sword at your throat only to discover that it was never there to begin with. A phantom of times past waved away with a simple smile and golden eyes. It made you want to laugh, but you weren’t sure if it was humor or hysteria clogging your windpipe.
His eyes soften at your confusion, and he reaches out, hesitant with his hand as it lands on your shoulder. “You don’t have to trust me yet, and I don’t want you to force yourself to, but maybe we could call this a ‘maybe you don’t hate me’ start?”
You blink away the tears in your eyes as you begin to calm down, and you look up to see him waiting with just the smallest bit of hope on his face, and you think he might be trying to hide it. He’s bad at it. It makes you smile.
“Maybe I don’t hate you, starting now.”
The grin that you are rewarded with dulls the fear that sentence forced you to face.
——-
The Treasurer quickly crumbled when faced with the quick way Bokuto walked in the next day. It was almost comical the switch from the easy-going attitude fades into seriousness as he describes how servants he went to described the slow loss of money throughout the last few months, to the point where some even reported having not even been paid in the last month. Although you stepped in to corroborate his statements, there was no need, as everyone in the council quickly turned against him.
When you later asked Bokuto how he knew while giving him a proper tour of the castle (he mentioned getting lost several times, and the thought of him asking some of the more skittish maids like Yachi for directions has had you smiling for most of the tour) and he all too willing to explain.
“I just had a feeling. He seemed much more cautious at the last two meetings than he was at the first. He was brazen and bold one day, and reserved and hardly speaking the next, almost trying not to draw attention to himself. Almost like….” He tosses a grin your way, "He didn’t have that nice protection anymore.” Hearing him describe it makes it all seem so easy to spot, from his chipper demeanor down to the way he even made it sound. Like child’s play.
“You make it sound so simple, I feel stupid for not seeing it.” He shakes his head quickly, eyes widening as he turns to face you fully.
“You’re definitely not stupid! It’s just… Most courtiers are so busy putting up their own walls and hiding expressions, they fail to see the cracks in others’ defenses. Isn’t it easier to see when you don’t have to scale a mountain to get a clear view?” He says it all gently, and you see that he hasn’t just been reading the others in the meetings as he studies.
“Sometimes a mountain hides a dragon.”
His expression softens.
“And sometimes it doesn’t.”
You go to sleep that night feeling conflicted, because you know that he saw your walls from the first day he met you, and you can feel scratch marks of someone trying to get through when your tired hands graze across their surface.
——–
You start to speak to him more often after that day. It makes you feel almost guilty at the way his eyes light up when you stop to wait for him in the hallway, or invite him to sit with you in the library, as if he can’t quite believe it each time.
It becomes more comfortable, more easy, and you find yourself slowly wrapping your own hands around the bricks you layered on top of each other beside his own. Maybe some walls can come down with the right push.
You can feel a small tap against your shoulder, and you look over to glance at Bokuto with a look so laughably upset that it takes a strength you didn’t know you possessed not to laugh.
“Do they really do this at every meeting? I thought you were kidding before.” You spare a glance to the two bickering, Kuroo and Daishou had never been on good terms with each other from the moment they joined the council’s inner circle, and that certainly hasn’t changed with time.
“Sometimes they like to spice it up. They argue before the meeting and just sit glaring at each other for an hour until they leave to go argue alone.” You turn your head back to face the two arguing about something you aren’t even sure you can decipher at this point, hearing the grumbling sigh as Bokuto lays his head on the table.
You lift your hand underneath the table to pat him gently on the knee. “They’ll be done soon, and after that, we can go to either the gardens you like so much, or the library.”
You can see his hair practically rise back up from how quickly his demeanor shifts, eyes crinkling as he smiles at you. “We can go to the library afterwards!” His voice echoes across the chamber, and he quickly ducks his head down from the withering glares he receives in return from the bickering men sitting in their chairs. You suppress a small chuckle at the sheepish look on his face.
You feel like you have gotten a better read on Bokuto from how much time you have spent with him, and despite being fantastic at his job as a royal advisor, a point that he doesn’t hesitate to state often, he is much louder than many of the other courtiers seated around you. Including yourself. You think that if you didn’t know Bokuto you might find it childish, or a show of arrogance, but seeing it now draws a fond smile to your face.
When the meeting adjourned he practically shot out from his seat quickly walking towards the west wing where the library was located. You had to almost sprint behind him in order to catch up, his fast pace paired with much longer legs always made it difficult to keep up with him when he was on a mission.
“Slow down! If I had a coin for every time you have almost left me behind in these hallways I could pay someone to carry me to your destination.” You grumble as he slows down, laughing and extending his hand to you.
“Can that someone be me?” You eye his hand skeptically.
“That depends, how much money are you charging?”
“Oh for many my services are much too expensive, but for you?” His eyes swim with mirth as he motions for you to come closer. “Free of charge.”
————
“Have you ever heard the story of Achilles?” He tilts his head to the side, balanced on the palm of one hand as he looks at you curiously. You are both sitting in armchairs over by the window overlooking the entrance to the castle, a book in your hands as he sits relaxed in his own seat, content to simply watch you read.
”No. Could you tell me?” You smiled, glad to have someone interested and willing to hear you talk about something you enjoy. No matter how much you adore Akaashi, he has read each book you reached for in the library you’ve raised yourself inside, but now you have a captive audience. And he has never heard the story before.
“Achilles and Patroclus were lovers, and when Patroclus died in battle, Achilles flew into a rage, and killed Hector, one of the great warriors on the Trojan side of the war, desecrated his body, and disrespected the gods.”
“Didn’t he know not to do that?”
“Yes, that was the point.”
“Hm?” His bright eyes flashed in confusion.
“He wanted to die”, you speak softly, whispering words wrapped in pity for a man you’ve known only on ink stained pages. “Because after Patroclus was gone the only thing he wanted to do was be killed so he could be reunited with Patroclus in Elysium.”
Silence seeps in from the corners of the room before you feel a question hang in the air.
“What do you think Elysium looks like?” He asks you with a sincere look stretched across his face, and you take a moment to let the surprise wash over you before thinking about the question.
“A library. A quiet library where anyone can see each other, and talk as loud as they want without disturbing anyone else. A library with all of the knowledge of the world, ready for everyone to read and discuss. Oh! And comfortable chairs.” The last part draws a bubbling laughter from his chest, head now cradled in his crossed arms as he leans forward onto the arm of the chair.
“What do you think it would be like?” He thinks for a bit, nose scrunched as he concentrates in a way that brings a soft smile to your lips. You see golden irises lock onto yours as he finds his answer.
“I think it would be a field. A great, big field that stretched forever, and had every flower, even the ones that bloom in different seasons, all together at once. I think it would be warm, and I think there would be very comfortable chairs.” He grins at you when you laugh, face shining with pride. You nod sagely, about to say you agree to disagree, but another question comes forward once again, albeit more apprehensively.
“Do you think they are happy?”
You almost tell him it’s a myth, that there is almost no chance that those two men truly existed in any world other than fiction, but then you look at him, rays of sun streaming through the window as bright, technicolored beams shine across the side of his face as he looks at you in a way you don’t think anyone has before. Like he really sees you, even without years of time to get there. You don’t know why that grabs a feeling in your chest that you didn’t know was there.
“I think so.”
You think you can smell flowers when you leave the room later that night.
——-
You tried to avoid him after that moment. You were fine letting a wall down in front of him for now, but there is something else that has slipped through the cracks that you did not anticipate. You have read about it from many different perspectives and genres, but you know it always comes with vulnerability. And you aren’t sure that’s a vulnerability you are willing to spare yet.
But it’s hard to avoid him again when he has become such a fixture in your life now. Almost five months have passed and it feels wrong not to hear his laughter in your ear as you walk through the hallways, or have his comfort and quiet curiosity as he asks you questions in the library. Now you have two ghosts in your life, and you aren’t sure you can handle it.
It also hurts when he notices, the resignation in his form palpable as you see him in the seat next to yours, or when he allows you to leave without a word.
You break all too easily when he asks to see you in the gardens that day. He had discovered them a few weeks back, and had dragged you along to explore every inch of them for two days straight, but it was his favorite place in the castle, and it quickly became your second favorite as well. Despite having memorized their sprawling hedges long ago, you can’t help but smile even as you glance at them now, having filled them with memories of turning pages and whispered conversations.
“Why do you keep on avoiding me?” The question punches you across the jaw, not sparing any mercy as he looks at you with hurt streaked across his features.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You can avoid it. Hide away, stack brick onto brick, mortar laid neatly between the layers as you seal yourself away-
“Please.” Well that just isn’t playing fair.
“I apologize if you believed that was my intent,” you’re praying to any god that might hear you that he can’t register the quiver in your voice as you speak,”but I have been very busy lately, and thus I haven’t been able to spend much time with you.”
“We both know that isn’t true.” He pauses, swallowing as he shifts his gaze from you to the hedges forming the maze surrounding you, the maze that just a week ago you had happily walked through with him in tow, familiar footsteps with a familiar smile.
“Did I do something wrong? If I did, then tell me. I can fix it if I did something wrong, but you need to tell me.”
You are astounded again by just how good he is. An innocent push sends you stumbling, and a naïve question has you gasping for air as you look at him desperately.
“No! You’ve done nothing to me, trust me you have done absolutely nothing I just…. I have to have some space for a while, nothing more.” You hate the way your heart flutters as he looks at you concerned, at the way he reaches out to lay a hand on your shoulder. At how it sends you spinning.
“Are you okay? You can speak to me if you need to, you know I will always be here, but if you wish to do this on your own, I will still be here waiting.” He pulls away, and a part of you screams at the loss. He is going to walk away, you will have pushed him away. Isn’t this what you wanted? But why doesn’t it feel good? He is trying to give you the space you say you want and yet the feeling of his hand on your shoulder gives the first glimpse of peace you have had in one week. The feeling makes you weak, and you quickly shut your eyes.
“Our relationship.” He turns around, eyes wide as he looks at you.
“Our what?”
“Our relationship. I like what we have, and I like the way we are with each other but….” You trail off, words caught in your throat as you try to speak, but the courage you gained from the fear that guided you to speak in the first place has dried up before you could finish.
“But what?” He speaks softly as he turns around fully, broad shouldered and spiked hair just like he looked the first time you saw him, only more confused but no less beautiful.
“But…. I can’t say what I’m trying to say,” It draws a frustrated breath from you as you run a hand through your hair exasperatedly. “I-I want to tell you, but I-” You look at him pleadingly, begging him to understand.
He looks at you for a moment, eyes shifting from confusion to focus as he looks at your panicked form, palms sweaty and outstretched as you gesture for him to unlock your voice from the proverbial trap you’ve led it to. There’s a moment of puzzlement. Before understanding.
“You like what we have, but….” He glances at me once more, "You want more.” You cannot breathe, simply staring at him as he looks at you with an expression you wish you could read as he could read you, but it remains an enigma even as he inches closer.
“Would you want that? To be more?”
A desperate part of your heart you’d thought you had smothered successfully in the panic just before dashed to the edges of your chest. Pounding incessantly in reply.
“I don’t know. I’m scared.”
“Well why are you scared?.” This is the moment when you realize that Bokuto is more like Akaashi than you previously thought, simply analytical and thoughtful at precise moments rather than showing that pensive side all of the time. A hidden ace in a deck of cards.
“You’re the one good thing I’ve ever had, and I’m so scared of ruining it.”
“What about Akaashi?”
“He is also goo-”
“You haven’t hurt Akaashi, have you?”
“Well no-”
“Then what makes you think you’ll ever hurt me?” There’s an amused exasperation in his words, an affectionate swirl of yellow dancing through his eyes as he looks at you.
“I don’t know? Fear? That you won’t like the burden of being around me. That it will be too much. Too heavy.” You can feel yourself clam up, and you grasp at threads of your dress. A hand goes to untangle your fingers as he laces them with his. You don’t raise your head, scared that if you look at him you will shatter just as easily as you did as a child with a softer heart.
“Even if it was a burden, that does not mean it isn’t worth carrying. And I will carry anything you are willing to give me. Whether it be your sadness, your happiness, or your heart.”
Fear wraps around your throat as you realize you want to give it to him. A map of jagged edges and sharp scraps, of thorn bushes that prickle your skin and deep into your open ribcage with whispers of doubt and contempt for those around you. You want to show him everything and that is the most terrifying thing you’ve ever come across in this castle.
Your heart is crumpled and small and tired but it is his if he only asks.
And he did ask.
“I will only oblige if you let me carry yours as well.” It’s uttered in one shaky breath you finally released from your throat. Nervous and scared, but with a wisp of hope cradling your words as you finally manage to look up and meet the gaze of the gold eyes you slowly fell in love with. You almost want to laugh at yourself in your foolishness, that you ever thought for a moment they could be fake, when their brilliance outshines even the gaudiest of jewels a noble might showcase.
He laughs breathlessly and squeezes your hand in his own, as one reaches to cup your cheek with a tenderness you don’t think you’ve ever known. “You have held it in your grasp the moment I waved to you behind a dirty windowpane.”
You’re stunned. Drunk on the euphoria of happiness, dazed from the joy of you’ve never felt, and you can feel a shocked laugh bubble through your chest until it bursts out in a flurry of giggles. Your own abandoned hand finds the crinkle next to his eye as he smiles at you. You stand up, throwing yourself at him and trusting him to catch you.
The familiar feeling of arms encircling you as he tugs you ever closer, as if there will always be too much space separating you from each other. You feel the world spin as he twirls you both around, and you feel a dizziness creep up on you, but you don’t think you care when you can feel yourself soar for the first time in your life in a garden of flowers. You remember your conversation in the library as he sets you down and you lift yourself as high as you can as he leans down to catch your words.
“I think you were right. It is filled with flowers.”
———
There are only three more days until Akaashi comes back, and you can tell it weighs on Bokuto’s mind as he writes letter after letter to him, figuring out a permanent seat for himself, as well as lodgings inside of the castle with the council as he begins to place his roots down carefully in your home. He almost always comes to bed late, hands stained with ink, and shoulders slouched from leaning forward, but always with a smile.
This time you find him in a tucked away corner in the farthest wing from your room, too focused on the scratching of a pen to paper to notice you slip through the door until he feels a hand ghost across his shoulder. He sighs as he looks to face you with a sheepish smile.
“How did you find me?”
“I was tired, and wanted to find you. So I did.”
“Did you even look anywhere else?” The smile that slowly stretches across your face answers his question as he groans and pulls the chair back to truly face you.
"Even in a room full of thousands I could still find you”
“Because I’m tall?” You couldn’t stop the fond smile stretching across your lips even if you tried, and you cup his cheek as he looks at you with nothing but adoration swimming in an iridescent gold.
“Because you’re you,” you laugh softly, and you watch his face light up, as though all he ever wants is to hear you laugh, “And I will never find anyone as wonderfully brilliant as you.”
“And you’d be able to find me?”
“Always.”
He laughs giddily as he tugs you closer, practically laying on top of each other in the chair you squeezed yourselves in. It has never felt more comfortable.
“Please, let’s go to bed.” He sighs as he melts at your words, already beginning to stand, but not without taking you with him with a laugh at your noise of surprise.
——–
You’re filled with a sick sense of anticipation as you retire to your bed for the night, already dreading the smile that will spread across Akaashi’s face when he sees Bokuto’s hand clasped tightly in yours (a habit you would not even begin to think of admonishing him for), and the amount of paperwork you will have to endure for weeks.
But then you feel two arms encircle your waist, and suddenly the punishment seems like a small, trivial thing when compared to what you have gained from losing. A friend, someone who you care for and who will care for you, and trust even in a sea of doubt.
The thought makes you smile as you drift to sleep. Maybe some wagers are worth losing.
