warnings: a lot of trust issues and mentions of betrayal
summary: being a royal courtier has led you to build up an immovable wall, unflinching and unfeeling. sadly, the wall didn’t account for bokuto koutarou. maybe it isn’t so immovable anymore, is it?
note: this is the angstiest reader i’ve written i’m so sorry if it seems like a lot but also shoutout to @fukurodanni who i wrote this for!! i write a lot of gifts for them because they are lovely and very very kind. also happy belated birthday bokuto!! this is a little late <3
Trustworthy. Such a simple word with so many connotations. Throughout your years inside of palace walls and gilded rooms you have met only one person you think might fit into the word’s neat definition. Akaashi Keiji was your friend since childhood, and the only one who actually decided to stay. Even in the constricting stares of noblemen through court rooms, you know that no matter what you can look over to Akaashi and see someone who you can say anything to. How amusing that you won’t have that soon.
“How long do you think you will be gone?” You try to keep your voice even, almost an instinctual reaction to anything new and changing in your life, where the slightest shift in expression could ruin you, but you can tell Akaashi hears that timber in your voice when he looks over with a pained glance.
“Seven months.”
You turn away. You know it is irrational to be upset with him, because he doesn’t like this just as much as you do, but you can still feel those pinpricks against your chest, whispers of “he wants to leave you” settling across your skin. You shake it off and begin walking away, finding solace in the fact that you knew the footsteps you’d hear behind would still be there for a short while longer. You’ve never gone a day without hearing the soft, yet solid thumps against rich mahogany floors. It fills you with a comfort in the rhythm, a comfort in the stability of knowing you will hear it with you, behind you, that somewhere near you there will always be a friend.
How will the silence feel?
“I’m not going to be leaving you alone.” He says it gently, coaxing you back into speaking with him, with rationalizing, because that was always your relationship with Akaashi. A fine balance of assumptions and reasoning, of instinct and logic. It was how you built your friendship, and it’s also how you pull away and he calls you back.
“Oh really? Because it sounds like you won’t be here for four whole months.” You snap back in a hushed whisper, a knife cutting through the peaceful fog he tried to settle because now was not a time to think rationally.
“I am sending for someone to take my place in court during absence, and I’ve handpicked him. He will not leave you alone.”
“Oh so now it’s twochanges! Even better!” You throw your hands in the air as you walk through opulent halls of gold and silver, gaudy showings of wealth until you reach the oh so familiar doors of your room. You throw them open, and even though you feel anger pulsing through your veins you can feel your fingers hold open the door long enough for Akaashi to slip inside.
You take a deep breath, and keep your face away from him. “I know it’s not your fault. I know. But it still…. it still hurts me.” It’s a wound you can’t cauterize, an ache that won’t fade and you know it won’t heal until seven months have passed and you can see the soft smile that graces his face when you tease him just right again. “You just have to give me some time to come to terms with it.” You pace across the too big room and settle on the bed, not bothering to iron out the wrinkles that crease along the covers, allowing the fabric to crumple and bend as you bring your eyes up to the only person you’ve ever trusted.
“I will miss you. Terribly.” You can’t help the chuckle that escapes your mouth, however wet and broken it might be. He always seemed to know what to say with you, the knowledge passed on from sneaking out to dim-lit libraries and late night conversations leading to not only befriending you but knowing you. It shows in the soft sparkle in his eyes as he looks at you, a maimed smile stretched across his lips that melts into a grimace when you stand to hug him.
“And I as well, ‘Kaashi.” It’s muffled into his shoulder. You can feel the ruffles across the cuffs of his blouse brush against your back as he hugs you tighter, almost trying to memorize the feeling. You know you will both walk out with puffy eyes and tear stained clothing, but you can’t find it in yourself to care as you try to dig yourself deeper into his embrace, to feel as close as you can before you won’t be able to anymore.
“So who’s this replacement supposed to be? I need to know so I can avoid him.” You can feel his laughter echo from his chest to yours, the reverb bouncing through your body and settling you all at once.
“I think he will be quite difficult to avoid. He is someone I trust, and I know he will be there for you.” You hear his words, and you want to imagine living in a place where you can put that trust in someone, to meet someone and not pick out the flaws and imperfections, to see all the things they are with vulnerability and not judgement. This castle is shiny and tacky all at once, and you’ve learned to shield your eyes from views laced with fake gold. It isn’t worth the fantasy of pricelessness.
“There for me? Sure until he sees something brighter on the other side of the courtroom, then he’ll be out in mere moments.” Akaashi sighs and untangles himself from you, staring down in an almost disappointed, but not surprised, expression. How could he be surprised when he was there for the backstabbing and fake smiles and honeyed words laced with arsenic fed to you until you refused to eat anymore.
“Would you like to wager?” You throw him a confused look, noticing the slight shine to his eyes. The look that he knew something you didn’t. But this was a challenge, and this could get you through the seven arduous months of ghostly footsteps in hallways and lonely libraries. The thought of rubbing a victory in his face when he got back was also just as tempting.
“I’d love nothing more.”
——–
He leaves two days later.
Someone new arrives soon after.
The first thing you notice is that he is big. He is built like a knight rather than a noble, a strength to his movements, and a surety that you have rarely seen in those that surround you. It fills you with a curiosity. Watching through a window of the library you’ve stayed in for the past few days, hiding in a safe haven of memories that can keep you only so content without the one residing in them being beside you.
He is different, broad shoulders and an even broader smile pushing up his cheeks as he greets the party sent to welcome him, and you can’t help but stare through dirt covered panes and the ivy that covers them at the unusualness of it all. This was the one Akaashi trusted to be there for you? He was so open and vulnerable though, and your first assumption is that this is an act. It’s a fake naivete, a foolishness that would only last so long before revealing something deeper. The inevitable unfurling of fangs.
As if feeling a stare, the man’s eyes dart across the lawn, scanning across before looking up to the windows and settling on your figure. You freeze, breath caught in your throat in a vice grip as you lock eyes with him. Even through the window you can see golden irises looking at you with as much curiosity as you feel for him.
He smiles. A wave follows not soon after, instinctual and happy as he looks up at you, and the strangeness of it all tugs the small wave from your arm before you duck down and quickly walk to another section of the library. You are so unsure. It raises a feeling of discomfort in you as you finally sit down in a different corner of the library, far away from any windows or knightly nobles.
It didn’t appear as though he thought anything of you looking down to greet him. He almost seemed…. Excited? Almost childishly happy for the attention you gave him, a complete stranger, and it continues to bother you until you realize that you would eventually have to speak with him, and that confusion leads to intimidation.
This was not at all the man who you would think Akaashi would send to help you.
You manage to avoid him for the better part of the day, but peeking down hallway corridors and avoiding crowded spaces can only get you so far before you eventually feel a tap on your shoulder as you take your place to sit at the large marble table in the center of the castle. You hated court sessions, but you also hate the fact that this new stranger was tapping your shoulder from the same seat Akaashi sat in.
“Hello! It’s a pleasure to meet you, would you happen to be friends with a man named Akaashi?” He greets you warmly, so warmly in fact that you can’t do anything but stare at him in confusion until eventually he drops his arm in concern.
“Did I get the seats mixed up? Akaashi told me that whoever the person was sitting to the right of his seat was his friend, but I might’ve gotten it wrong I’m really sorry-” You watch him ramble for a few moments, and try to decipher what this could possibly mean. Was it a ploy to get on your good side?
“You didn’t get it wrong. I am Akaashi’s friend. I presume you are the man sent to… replace him, while he is gone?” You speak as coolly and calmly as you can, and despite the height difference you see him deflate the smallest bit at your tone.
“Ah! Good! Okay that’s reassuring,” He pushes his seat in more, the legs scraping across the marbled floor with a small squeak as he mutters to himself, “I was almost sure I got it wrong.”
“My name is Bokuto Koutarou, and I’ll be here to ensure your safety while Akaashi is gone.” Hearing that fills you with confidence. You had assessed him properly the first time you saw him.
“You’re a knight? That makes a little more sense-”
You hear a smothered laugh, and look up to see him covering his mouth with his hand. Noticing your incredulous stare he snickers one more time before uncovering his mouth to reveal the shark toothed grin underneath it.
“I’m so sorry, but why does everyone think I’m a knight? If you’re looking for a knight in my family, that would be my sister, but I am usually a court advisor.” You can barely manage to cover the surprised look on your face before you smother it. He was a court advisor? How could you have been so far off? The only court advisor you had ever met could barely be considered a person with the fangs they bared in every sneer and subjugating remark they threw.
From what he has shown he was nothing like that, and you didn’t know what to do. It made you nervous.
“Alright then. If you’re such an amazing court advisor that even Akaashi trusts you, what can you tell me about the people sitting here right now?” You motion your hand to the numerous others sitting down preparing for today’s council session, and Bokuto’s eyes follow your hand as you point throughout the room.
“I couldn’t tell you that right now, my main focus for today is to sit and watch the meeting. Once I do that, I can start to figure out who each person is and how they act.”
“So you aren’t quite good at your job then, huh? Aren’t court advisors supposed to be able to look in a room and have everyone “figured out” right away.” You motion your hands in air quotes as you look back at him with a smirk, and he gives you a wide smile before leaning closer.
“Nope! I’m actually great at my job, but this is just how I do things. Any court advisor can say they know everything about each person in the room when they walk in, but it’s usually a lie unless they’ve already acclimated themselves with the place.”
That makes you lean back, and turn silent as you turn your direction to the suddenly very interesting grooves in the table. You aren’t sure what confused you more, the honest response, or the way he completely ignored your jab like it was nothing. It didn’t feel like you were winning this exchange, but the even stranger part was that it didn’t feel like he was winning either. It was just… small talk.
You didn’t speak to him for the rest of the meeting, and he seemed just fine with that, as his focus was more so on each member who spoke. His eyes darted across each courtier’s face, tapping his finger quickly on the table, almost mouthing the words they spoke with each breath he took. He didn’t just focus on their words, he was in them, and you started to realize by the end of the meeting when everyone left and he stayed behind for a few minutes that he wasn’t kidding when he said he was good at his job.
———
It is three days later that he manages to catch you outside of a courtroom laced with eyes calculating each of your moves, and you aren’t quite sure what to think as you hear him call your name from down the hallway.
“I need to speak with you privately for a moment.” The sentence should fill you with dread, but instead you feel a sick sense of relief curl up inside of your chest. This was the moment you were waiting for after all, the moment just before the fall, and knowing there will be no one there to catch you. You wondered what it would be this time. What you didn’t like was the small feeling of sadness that snuck into your chest as well as the relief.
“Of course.” You don’t turn around, and you assume he understands to follow you as you hear his assured heavy footfalls against the floor continue again after a few seconds of pause.
You feel the door slip through your fingertips as you step inside of the library, and you can hear Bokuto catch the door with his own hand before coming inside as well.
“So.” You swallow. “What is it?” You almost wanted to brace yourself, but you knew that it wouldn’t change a thing in the end. A pain once felt never quite goes away even if you try to forget the sting.
“The Treasurer has been taking the money that is supposed to be going to the servants in the castle.” If you weren’t so shocked, you would have found it humorous how you have felt more taken aback and surprised in these past few days than you have in years, but that didn’t change the furrowing of your brow.
“What?”
“The Treasurer? The man sitting in the seat directly besi-” You shake your head.
“I knew who that is, and it is already well known that he has been taking money. The only problem is th-”
“He struck a deal with the Chancellor. I know that. I also know that the deal fell through and that he is no longer protected.” You look at him, the determined set of his jaw and fire dancing through his eyes and you come to the sudden thought that maybe Bokuto was created to take you off guard.
“How do you know that?”
“I just know. But I need you to back me up if he tries to challenge the claim.”
“Why me?” The question is blurted out quickly. And you can see a small smile tug at the edges of his lips.
“Because you are Akaashi’s friend, and because I trust you.” You bark out a small laugh.
“Why would you trust me? I have avoided you as much as I can and when we have spoken I have been nothing but cold to you.”
“Because your reaction to me coming here was the only genuine one I’ve seen the entire time I have been here so far. Everyone else was all smiles and ‘it’s so nice to meet you!’” His voice grows in pitch as his smile turns wider when he points a finger at you. “But you were the only person who was honest about how they felt when I came here. Even if that honestly was avoiding me like the plague and disliking me.” His grin lowers a bit as he laughs, hand scratching the back of his neck almost involuntary. “And also because if Akaashi likes you then that means I like you.”
You weren’t quite sure how to respond to that. You came in here with a sword at your throat only to discover that it was never there to begin with. A phantom of times past waved away with a simple smile and golden eyes. It made you want to laugh, but you weren’t sure if it was humor or hysteria clogging your windpipe.
His eyes soften at your confusion, and he reaches out, hesitant with his hand as it lands on your shoulder. “You don’t have to trust me yet, and I don’t want you to force yourself to, but maybe we could call this a ‘maybe you don’t hate me’ start?”
You blink away the tears in your eyes as you begin to calm down, and you look up to see him waiting with just the smallest bit of hope on his face, and you think he might be trying to hide it. He’s bad at it. It makes you smile.
“Maybe I don’t hate you, starting now.”
The grin that you are rewarded with dulls the fear that sentence forced you to face.
——-
The Treasurer quickly crumbled when faced with the quick way Bokuto walked in the next day. It was almost comical the switch from the easy-going attitude fades into seriousness as he describes how servants he went to described the slow loss of money throughout the last few months, to the point where some even reported having not even been paid in the last month. Although you stepped in to corroborate his statements, there was no need, as everyone in the council quickly turned against him.
When you later asked Bokuto how he knew while giving him a proper tour of the castle (he mentioned getting lost several times, and the thought of him asking some of the more skittish maids like Yachi for directions has had you smiling for most of the tour) and he all too willing to explain.
“I just had a feeling. He seemed much more cautious at the last two meetings than he was at the first. He was brazen and bold one day, and reserved and hardly speaking the next, almost trying not to draw attention to himself. Almost like….” He tosses a grin your way, "He didn’t have that nice protection anymore.” Hearing him describe it makes it all seem so easy to spot, from his chipper demeanor down to the way he even made it sound. Like child’s play.
“You make it sound so simple, I feel stupid for not seeing it.” He shakes his head quickly, eyes widening as he turns to face you fully.
“You’re definitely not stupid! It’s just… Most courtiers are so busy putting up their own walls and hiding expressions, they fail to see the cracks in others’ defenses. Isn’t it easier to see when you don’t have to scale a mountain to get a clear view?” He says it all gently, and you see that he hasn’t just been reading the others in the meetings as he studies.
“Sometimes a mountain hides a dragon.”
His expression softens.
“And sometimes it doesn’t.”
You go to sleep that night feeling conflicted, because you know that he saw your walls from the first day he met you, and you can feel scratch marks of someone trying to get through when your tired hands graze across their surface.
——–
You start to speak to him more often after that day. It makes you feel almost guilty at the way his eyes light up when you stop to wait for him in the hallway, or invite him to sit with you in the library, as if he can’t quite believe it each time.
It becomes more comfortable, more easy, and you find yourself slowly wrapping your own hands around the bricks you layered on top of each other beside his own. Maybe some walls can come down with the right push.
You can feel a small tap against your shoulder, and you look over to glance at Bokuto with a look so laughably upset that it takes a strength you didn’t know you possessed not to laugh.
“Do they really do this at every meeting? I thought you were kidding before.” You spare a glance to the two bickering, Kuroo and Daishou had never been on good terms with each other from the moment they joined the council’s inner circle, and that certainly hasn’t changed with time.
“Sometimes they like to spice it up. They argue before the meeting and just sit glaring at each other for an hour until they leave to go argue alone.” You turn your head back to face the two arguing about something you aren’t even sure you can decipher at this point, hearing the grumbling sigh as Bokuto lays his head on the table.
You lift your hand underneath the table to pat him gently on the knee. “They’ll be done soon, and after that, we can go to either the gardens you like so much, or the library.”
You can see his hair practically rise back up from how quickly his demeanor shifts, eyes crinkling as he smiles at you. “We can go to the library afterwards!” His voice echoes across the chamber, and he quickly ducks his head down from the withering glares he receives in return from the bickering men sitting in their chairs. You suppress a small chuckle at the sheepish look on his face.
You feel like you have gotten a better read on Bokuto from how much time you have spent with him, and despite being fantastic at his job as a royal advisor, a point that he doesn’t hesitate to state often, he is much louder than many of the other courtiers seated around you. Including yourself. You think that if you didn’t know Bokuto you might find it childish, or a show of arrogance, but seeing it now draws a fond smile to your face.
When the meeting adjourned he practically shot out from his seat quickly walking towards the west wing where the library was located. You had to almost sprint behind him in order to catch up, his fast pace paired with much longer legs always made it difficult to keep up with him when he was on a mission.
“Slow down! If I had a coin for every time you have almost left me behind in these hallways I could pay someone to carry me to your destination.” You grumble as he slows down, laughing and extending his hand to you.
“Can that someone be me?” You eye his hand skeptically.
“That depends, how much money are you charging?”
“Oh for many my services are much too expensive, but for you?” His eyes swim with mirth as he motions for you to come closer. “Free of charge.”
————
“Have you ever heard the story of Achilles?” He tilts his head to the side, balanced on the palm of one hand as he looks at you curiously. You are both sitting in armchairs over by the window overlooking the entrance to the castle, a book in your hands as he sits relaxed in his own seat, content to simply watch you read.
”No. Could you tell me?” You smiled, glad to have someone interested and willing to hear you talk about something you enjoy. No matter how much you adore Akaashi, he has read each book you reached for in the library you’ve raised yourself inside, but now you have a captive audience. And he has never heard the story before.
“Achilles and Patroclus were lovers, and when Patroclus died in battle, Achilles flew into a rage, and killed Hector, one of the great warriors on the Trojan side of the war, desecrated his body, and disrespected the gods.”
“Didn’t he know not to do that?”
“Yes, that was the point.”
“Hm?” His bright eyes flashed in confusion.
“He wanted to die”, you speak softly, whispering words wrapped in pity for a man you’ve known only on ink stained pages. “Because after Patroclus was gone the only thing he wanted to do was be killed so he could be reunited with Patroclus in Elysium.”
Silence seeps in from the corners of the room before you feel a question hang in the air.
“What do you think Elysium looks like?” He asks you with a sincere look stretched across his face, and you take a moment to let the surprise wash over you before thinking about the question.
“A library. A quiet library where anyone can see each other, and talk as loud as they want without disturbing anyone else. A library with all of the knowledge of the world, ready for everyone to read and discuss. Oh! And comfortable chairs.” The last part draws a bubbling laughter from his chest, head now cradled in his crossed arms as he leans forward onto the arm of the chair.
“What do you think it would be like?” He thinks for a bit, nose scrunched as he concentrates in a way that brings a soft smile to your lips. You see golden irises lock onto yours as he finds his answer.
“I think it would be a field. A great, big field that stretched forever, and had every flower, even the ones that bloom in different seasons, all together at once. I think it would be warm, and I think there would be very comfortable chairs.” He grins at you when you laugh, face shining with pride. You nod sagely, about to say you agree to disagree, but another question comes forward once again, albeit more apprehensively.
“Do you think they are happy?”
You almost tell him it’s a myth, that there is almost no chance that those two men truly existed in any world other than fiction, but then you look at him, rays of sun streaming through the window as bright, technicolored beams shine across the side of his face as he looks at you in a way you don’t think anyone has before. Like he really sees you, even without years of time to get there. You don’t know why that grabs a feeling in your chest that you didn’t know was there.
“I think so.”
You think you can smell flowers when you leave the room later that night.
——-
You tried to avoid him after that moment. You were fine letting a wall down in front of him for now, but there is something else that has slipped through the cracks that you did not anticipate. You have read about it from many different perspectives and genres, but you know it always comes with vulnerability. And you aren’t sure that’s a vulnerability you are willing to spare yet.
But it’s hard to avoid him again when he has become such a fixture in your life now. Almost five months have passed and it feels wrong not to hear his laughter in your ear as you walk through the hallways, or have his comfort and quiet curiosity as he asks you questions in the library. Now you have two ghosts in your life, and you aren’t sure you can handle it.
It also hurts when he notices, the resignation in his form palpable as you see him in the seat next to yours, or when he allows you to leave without a word.
You break all too easily when he asks to see you in the gardens that day. He had discovered them a few weeks back, and had dragged you along to explore every inch of them for two days straight, but it was his favorite place in the castle, and it quickly became your second favorite as well. Despite having memorized their sprawling hedges long ago, you can’t help but smile even as you glance at them now, having filled them with memories of turning pages and whispered conversations.
“Why do you keep on avoiding me?” The question punches you across the jaw, not sparing any mercy as he looks at you with hurt streaked across his features.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You can avoid it. Hide away, stack brick onto brick, mortar laid neatly between the layers as you seal yourself away-
“Please.” Well that just isn’t playing fair.
“I apologize if you believed that was my intent,” you’re praying to any god that might hear you that he can’t register the quiver in your voice as you speak,”but I have been very busy lately, and thus I haven’t been able to spend much time with you.”
“We both know that isn’t true.” He pauses, swallowing as he shifts his gaze from you to the hedges forming the maze surrounding you, the maze that just a week ago you had happily walked through with him in tow, familiar footsteps with a familiar smile.
“Did I do something wrong? If I did, then tell me. I can fix it if I did something wrong, but you need to tell me.”
You are astounded again by just how good he is. An innocent push sends you stumbling, and a naïve question has you gasping for air as you look at him desperately.
“No! You’ve done nothing to me, trust me you have done absolutely nothing I just…. I have to have some space for a while, nothing more.” You hate the way your heart flutters as he looks at you concerned, at the way he reaches out to lay a hand on your shoulder. At how it sends you spinning.
“Are you okay? You can speak to me if you need to, you know I will always be here, but if you wish to do this on your own, I will still be here waiting.” He pulls away, and a part of you screams at the loss. He is going to walk away, you will have pushed him away. Isn’t this what you wanted? But why doesn’t it feel good? He is trying to give you the space you say you want and yet the feeling of his hand on your shoulder gives the first glimpse of peace you have had in one week. The feeling makes you weak, and you quickly shut your eyes.
“Our relationship.” He turns around, eyes wide as he looks at you.
“Our what?”
“Our relationship. I like what we have, and I like the way we are with each other but….” You trail off, words caught in your throat as you try to speak, but the courage you gained from the fear that guided you to speak in the first place has dried up before you could finish.
“But what?” He speaks softly as he turns around fully, broad shouldered and spiked hair just like he looked the first time you saw him, only more confused but no less beautiful.
“But…. I can’t say what I’m trying to say,” It draws a frustrated breath from you as you run a hand through your hair exasperatedly. “I-I want to tell you, but I-” You look at him pleadingly, begging him to understand.
He looks at you for a moment, eyes shifting from confusion to focus as he looks at your panicked form, palms sweaty and outstretched as you gesture for him to unlock your voice from the proverbial trap you’ve led it to. There’s a moment of puzzlement. Before understanding.
“You like what we have, but….” He glances at me once more, "You want more.” You cannot breathe, simply staring at him as he looks at you with an expression you wish you could read as he could read you, but it remains an enigma even as he inches closer.
“Would you want that? To be more?”
A desperate part of your heart you’d thought you had smothered successfully in the panic just before dashed to the edges of your chest. Pounding incessantly in reply.
“I don’t know. I’m scared.”
“Well why are you scared?.” This is the moment when you realize that Bokuto is more like Akaashi than you previously thought, simply analytical and thoughtful at precise moments rather than showing that pensive side all of the time. A hidden ace in a deck of cards.
“You’re the one good thing I’ve ever had, and I’m so scared of ruining it.”
“What about Akaashi?”
“He is also goo-”
“You haven’t hurt Akaashi, have you?”
“Well no-”
“Then what makes you think you’ll ever hurt me?” There’s an amused exasperation in his words, an affectionate swirl of yellow dancing through his eyes as he looks at you.
“I don’t know? Fear? That you won’t like the burden of being around me. That it will be too much. Too heavy.” You can feel yourself clam up, and you grasp at threads of your dress. A hand goes to untangle your fingers as he laces them with his. You don’t raise your head, scared that if you look at him you will shatter just as easily as you did as a child with a softer heart.
“Even if it was a burden, that does not mean it isn’t worth carrying. And I will carry anything you are willing to give me. Whether it be your sadness, your happiness, or your heart.”
Fear wraps around your throat as you realize you want to give it to him. A map of jagged edges and sharp scraps, of thorn bushes that prickle your skin and deep into your open ribcage with whispers of doubt and contempt for those around you. You want to show him everything and that is the most terrifying thing you’ve ever come across in this castle.
Your heart is crumpled and small and tired but it is his if he only asks.
And he did ask.
“I will only oblige if you let me carry yours as well.” It’s uttered in one shaky breath you finally released from your throat. Nervous and scared, but with a wisp of hope cradling your words as you finally manage to look up and meet the gaze of the gold eyes you slowly fell in love with. You almost want to laugh at yourself in your foolishness, that you ever thought for a moment they could be fake, when their brilliance outshines even the gaudiest of jewels a noble might showcase.
He laughs breathlessly and squeezes your hand in his own, as one reaches to cup your cheek with a tenderness you don’t think you’ve ever known. “You have held it in your grasp the moment I waved to you behind a dirty windowpane.”
You’re stunned. Drunk on the euphoria of happiness, dazed from the joy of you’ve never felt, and you can feel a shocked laugh bubble through your chest until it bursts out in a flurry of giggles. Your own abandoned hand finds the crinkle next to his eye as he smiles at you. You stand up, throwing yourself at him and trusting him to catch you.
The familiar feeling of arms encircling you as he tugs you ever closer, as if there will always be too much space separating you from each other. You feel the world spin as he twirls you both around, and you feel a dizziness creep up on you, but you don’t think you care when you can feel yourself soar for the first time in your life in a garden of flowers. You remember your conversation in the library as he sets you down and you lift yourself as high as you can as he leans down to catch your words.
“I think you were right. It is filled with flowers.”
———
There are only three more days until Akaashi comes back, and you can tell it weighs on Bokuto’s mind as he writes letter after letter to him, figuring out a permanent seat for himself, as well as lodgings inside of the castle with the council as he begins to place his roots down carefully in your home. He almost always comes to bed late, hands stained with ink, and shoulders slouched from leaning forward, but always with a smile.
This time you find him in a tucked away corner in the farthest wing from your room, too focused on the scratching of a pen to paper to notice you slip through the door until he feels a hand ghost across his shoulder. He sighs as he looks to face you with a sheepish smile.
“How did you find me?”
“I was tired, and wanted to find you. So I did.”
“Did you even look anywhere else?” The smile that slowly stretches across your face answers his question as he groans and pulls the chair back to truly face you.
"Even in a room full of thousands I could still find you”
“Because I’m tall?” You couldn’t stop the fond smile stretching across your lips even if you tried, and you cup his cheek as he looks at you with nothing but adoration swimming in an iridescent gold.
“Because you’re you,” you laugh softly, and you watch his face light up, as though all he ever wants is to hear you laugh, “And I will never find anyone as wonderfully brilliant as you.”
“And you’d be able to find me?”
“Always.”
He laughs giddily as he tugs you closer, practically laying on top of each other in the chair you squeezed yourselves in. It has never felt more comfortable.
“Please, let’s go to bed.” He sighs as he melts at your words, already beginning to stand, but not without taking you with him with a laugh at your noise of surprise.
——–
You’re filled with a sick sense of anticipation as you retire to your bed for the night, already dreading the smile that will spread across Akaashi’s face when he sees Bokuto’s hand clasped tightly in yours (a habit you would not even begin to think of admonishing him for), and the amount of paperwork you will have to endure for weeks.
But then you feel two arms encircle your waist, and suddenly the punishment seems like a small, trivial thing when compared to what you have gained from losing. A friend, someone who you care for and who will care for you, and trust even in a sea of doubt.
The thought makes you smile as you drift to sleep. Maybe some wagers are worth losing.
notes~i hope some of you wake up to this, if not, think of it when you want to wake up in their arms :’)
>>ATSUMU wakes up pretty late usually( ‘usually’ being around 1:00pm ) so on those days when he rises before you, it’s a treat. he’ll lean over to peck your cheek once with a soft afterglow then proceed to pettily kiss every square inch of you until you groan and cover your face with your hands, comparing about just how attention-seeking he is. it’s never-ending. “tsum tsum stoooopp~~ its 7:00ammmm—“ you drag out, dramatically flopping onto the pillow. “let me smooch my baby one more time.” he pouts, puckering his lips like a concussed instagram model of 2017. “i will gouge your eyes out if you so far as breath.” this stopped him in his tracks, sweating profusely once he sighed out his disappointment. “alrighty, enjoy your morning and sleep well, i love you.” he waved quietly and made sure to carefully close the door behind him. his doubts being pushed aside when he saw the ‘when are you coming home’ text he received during practice. his smile couldn’t stretch wider.
>>BOKUTO takes his time and never normally wakes you up, instead he snuggles into your side with your legs tangled together in a mangled position. he is so warm ( mostly always ) but especially in the morning. which can either be your downfall or the greatest blanket. on hot mornings, you’re sweating like dog and on cold days it’s the best heater ever. “too hot kou.” you manage to slightly pry his massive arm from your shoulder to prod at him. yet the ace is engulfed in some sort of dream because he is out. i mean even a hurricane could wake this teddy bear. “i swear i’m dying.” you panted, struggling to break free from the suffocating sheets as bo only pulled you closer defiantly. “‘m sorry it’s so hot but i don’t want to let go.” how saddened he seemed decreased that building anger. you melted at how clingy the big man was being, tracing patterns on his hand, a feeble grin pulling at his cheeks and accenting his dimples. “if i guess what you’re making, you stay for ten minutes more.” of course he made a game out of it. “go for it.” you offer, his attempt spot on. “volleyball.” — “wow my kou is so intelligent.” you gawk falsely, holding his precious face in your hands. “you know it.” he preens.
>>OIKAWAdecides the best way to wake you up is to start blasting music. and when he’s in the mood he’ll romantically start flitting some romantic melody and waltz gracefully into your room to extend his hand in a cliche manner. “let us dance to the rhythm of my heart.” he clutches his chest in example, stirring a giggle from you. “such a dork.” you roll your eyes, but you take it anyways. it’d be a waste to let this opportunity by. your feet are clumsy and hardly functioning correctly thanks to your deep sleep beforehand. nearly tripping he sweeps you off your feet, holding you bridal style. “isn’t this just the absolute greatest way to wake up ?” he emphasizes, edging to your lips till you block his contact. “ i haven’t brushed my teeth toru.” you narrow your eyes. “me neither.” he lifts his brows multiple times to sell that horribly suggestive look. “gross.” you utter, dragging him to the bathroom. “you didn’t either !” — “don’t even.” he whined in retaliation, yet brushing his teeth obediently after your fair warning. “now ?” he waited patiently as you continued flossing. your muffled “no” left him hopeless. “now ?” he asked again and again and again and you were loosing it. “no-“ he began again only to be shut up by your lips. “yes.” you finished for him, his face stained a pink hue of surprise and fluster.
>>IWAIZUMI works out in the mornings, and by morning i mean 5:30 he’s up and ready for some sweat. afterwards he showers and changes—once he’s done he’ll saunter to your bedside table and place a cup of water there while squatting down to your height. “wakey wakey sleepyhead, i know your throats gonna be dry so sip some water.” he nudged at your frame, smoothing a stray hair behind your hair. “haji..” you choked out, earning a hum of affirmation. “that’s me. no other man’s allowed in this house besides your father and i y’know.” he stated matter-of-a-factly as if pointing out something even a toddler should know. “oh i know.” you answered sleepily, iwaizumi fitting the glass between your fingertips urging you to hydrate. he chuckled as he watched your head nod of slightly just sitting on the side of the bed, already falling back asleep. “i’m hungry….” you mumbled, his calloused hands coming to envelope yours. “i’ll lead you to the kitchen and make breakfast, just follow me.” he wrapped his arms around your back, breathing in your scent and all. his favorite part. you placed your feet on top of his, waddling awkwardly there with hazed eyes and broken chatter. “don’t worry, i’ve got you.” he eased, giving your hands a small squeeze.
Growing old together with Bokuto Koutaro -350 words of fluff❤️
“I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to call the prettiest girl in the world my wife.”
You turn to look over your shoulder at your husband leaning against the counter, watching you chop vegetables with a proud smile on his face. You stifle an affectionate laugh, slapping his hands away as he steals a carrot stick from the pile.
“Kou, you do realise that we’re grandparents now right? You really don’t need to flatter me anymore.”
Your gentle giant of a husband makes a muffled whine of protest in his throat, rounding the counter to rest his chin on the top of your head, his hands on your hips.
“Tisn’t flattery”, he answers so seriously you still your movements, spin around to meet his gaze.
“No?”
“Nope”, he replies, popping the sound against his tongue. “You’re always going to be the prettiest girl in the world in my eyes.”
You lean your head against his still broad chest. You’ve had a lifetime of love with your irrepressible Kou, memories of your shared adventures still fresh in your mind - him holding tournaments with foam swords for your children to settle their fights, staying up all night crafting the most garish banners to be waved at ballet recitals and volleyball matches, impromptu date nights to theme parks that would end up with him and the children ricocheting off the walls, the result of too much junk food and candy.
And while you’ll never grow tired of him nor his unabashed love for you, you will similarly never grow out of the habit of teasing him to bits.
“You must be going old and blind”, you say, playfully prodding him with a gnarled finger. “It must be time to go get your eyesight checked. Shall I get Akaashi to go with you?”
Bokuto huffs, mouth drooping into an exaggerated pout, whining until you soothe his feelings with tender kisses and reassurances that he’s always going to be your Kou - yes, even if he is old.
You’ve had a lifetime of adventure, of love, of happiness with Bokuto Koutaro. You couldn’t ask for more.
characters: hq captains (ushijima, daichi, bokuto) with gn!reader words, genre: 1.5k words, fluff + slight angst. warnings: none! summary:in love, there’s a moment where everything falls into place and you realize that there’s no one else you’d rather spend forever with. | part one (with oikawa, kuroo, kita)
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI;
admittedly, ushijima is not the best at relationships
but you brought out sides of him that he didn’t know even existed
and because he’s so in love with you, he finds himself looking for ways to surprise you
he doesn’t hesitate to try new things because all he wants is to make you happy in the way you make him complete
notes:thank u for the idea anon! i love this cliche hehe
content warnings: insecurities,mentions of previous harassment/catcalling, pet names (baby, my sweet, etc), protective boyfriends, suggestive in ushijima’s, kinda angsty
featuring:iwaizumi, atsumu, bokuto, and ushijima
thank you for reading!! likes, reblogs, follows, and general feedback are all appreciated
“You have to stay off your ankle for about three weeks so it can heal properly. A nurse is bringing you a pair of crutches now,” the doctor says.
“Thank you,“ you reply.
“Time will fly by, don’t worry. It won’t be that bad,” he smiles, before taking the crutches from the nurse and handing them to you.
The nurse advises you to practice walking around with them in the room before leaving.
“I’m a bit jealous of you and your boyfriend. It’s really sweet of him to join you to a doctor’s appointment,” she laughs after leaving you two alone.
Bokuto helps you to get you used to the crutches. He tells you to stand on your good foot first before moving.
“Y’know once when I was younger, I broke my leg and was forced to stay in bed all day. It was hell! I tried to sneak out but in the end my mom found me at the door crying because I slipped and couldn’t help myself to stand up,“ he tells you while grabbing you a bit harder, afraid of you falling down as well.
You whine: “My armpits hurt, Bokuto” and then he puts you down.
“It sucks but I know that you’re strong! As the doc said, time will fly by and when you get used to them you won’t even need them anymore“ he cheers.
You sigh: “I don’t wanna be on crutches, it’s exhausting. My arms aren’t as strong as yours, Bokuto,“ but before you can even pick up your aid again, ready to leave, you are suddenly swept off your feet.
“Oh my god, Bokuto! Please put me down!“ you whisper, lightly punching his shoulder.
“I get it. I was whiny. I’ll use my crutches but please put me down!“
You feel your cheeks warming up as you notice the other patients laughing at you two.
Once the two of you reach the car, he softly puts you in the passenger seat of his car and throws the crutches behind.
He situates himself in the driver’s seat and smiles at you.
“Is it wrong that I want to treat my girlfriend like a princess when she’s injured?“
You laugh and jokingly punch his shoulder again: “But I was so embarrassed!“ you tell him, “but thank you.“
Maybe these three weeks won’t be that bad with Bokuto around.
A/N: Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m back to my same old spiel of “it’s been a while” and “I’m so sorry I haven’t posted in (insert time) days!” Truth is, I just haven’t had the time to write like I know some of y’all haven’t had the time to read. However, I’m happy to be back, even if it is just for this one post. I hope y’all are doing good, and enjoy!
Word count: 1005
Bokuto Koutarou:
While his falling asleep on you is usually an accident (considering it’s much easier to admire you while he’s awake), he certainly always makes the best of the situation.
He nods off and his head slumps to your shoulder and instinctively you want to push him away because you just know him drooling is an inevitability but, no, a sleeping Bokuto is an adorable Bokuto.
He mumbles in his sleep. You’ve learned that from experience.
Black and white hairs tickle your neck but you don’t dare to scratch partly because one of his arms is already wrapped around you locking your own against your sides and partly because waking him would be a crime upon nature.
It only tickles for a few moments anyway because in a matter of seconds he’s curling in deeper, snuggling his forehead against your throat while his legs clamber into your lap.
It’s awkward. It’s hot. It’s not quite a boyfriend cuddling his girlfriend and more so a koala straddling a tree branch.
But it’s a classic Bokuto cuddle-bordering-on-suffocation situation so you settle in for what will be an awkward, hot bus ride.
And eventually you lean your head on his and fall asleep because, eh, why not.
Konoha totally has pictures that he sells to Bokuto later
Tsukishima Kei:
More often than not, when Tsukishima Kei falls asleep on the bus, he goes full turtle.
Blond head perched back on the top of the bus seat, headphones around his neck while his mouth hangs open in a soundless snore. This dude is usually conked.
(He’s learned to sit near the front of the bus lest he risk another session of “What can Kageyama and Tanaka throw into Tsukishima’s mouth?”)
So when his head lolls to the side and rests ever so delicately on the edge of your shoulder, you freeze like a deer in headlights.
This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, so don’t you dare screw it up.
However… his glasses press really hard into the bony part of your shoulder.
At first, you try to suffer through the pain, taking timed, measured breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth.
Then you contemplate humming to distract yourself, but you drop that strategy the instant he twitches on your first note.
It’s too much. Come on, there’s no way there isn’t a bruise there by now!
The constant digging of plastic into your bone is insufferable at this point. You needed to eradicate the problem if this rare event was to continue.
You inch your right hand up ever so slowly, keeping your breathing steady so as to not frighten the flighty creature resting upon you.
You turn your head just a touch and your chin brushes the hair atop his head, but he doesn’t disturb one bit at the slight tousle–thank God.
With two pinching fingers you grab the frames and remove them with the delicate touch of butterfly wings.
Almost there… almost… have them…
Then Tsukishima stirs.
“Screw it.” You yank the glasses away and drop them into your lap before returning your hand to the side of his face.
“YN, what are you-” he cuts off in a grunt as you shove his head back onto your shoulder.
“Shhhh.”
“YN.” His voice is muffled from his face being smushed into your shirt.
“Shhhh. Don’t ruin it.”
“YN-”
“Escape is futile.” You pat his cheek as the rest of his body squirms like a fish caught in a net. “Accept your fate, Tsukki.”
Iwaizumi Hajime:
Sticky. Sweaty. Warm.
You have no doubt that as soon as Iwaizumi wakes up, you will have to peel your shirt from his face like a sticker.
But you figure he deserves the rest. He played a great game and is understandably worn out.
And you’d be damned if you didn’t want to play pillow for him from time to time.
No, he’s not your boyfriend, but you certainly wish he was.
One of his hands fell onto your thigh the second he drifted off and your own hovers over it, an eagle waiting to land.
God, he’s so warm. Like a personal heater. The bus was pretty cold too considering Iwaizumi had the bright idea of leaving your seat’s window open for whatever reason.
The first time you complained about the cold, he offered you his jacket. However, two seconds after his offer your cheeks were burning enough to warm the rest of your body so refused.
And now here you were, almost losing consciousness yourself on account of how comfortable you’d grown in this position.
A nap… surely a nap wouldn’t hurt.
Today’s game had asked for a five a.m. arrival at the school, one seven hour bus ride down to the opponent, and one returning. It was understandable that you were exhausted yourself.
The eagle landed and your drooping eyes slipped closed. Iwaizumi’s hair–so soft–felt like the perfect cushion as you slipped into warm, deep sleep.
The soft pressure on Iwaizumi’s head allowed for a small smile to grow on his face.
Fucking finally.
Just one eye peered open and though he couldn’t see much, your hand resting flat on his just so happened to be the perfect sight.
He waited until your breathing truly evened out before moving, slowly flipping his hand palm up and intertwining your fingers between his.
His eyes began to blur once more and he gave your hand a gentle squeeze before giving in to the tiredness completely, grinning at the soft sigh you released.
A BokuAka Twins (Hoshi & Sekai) Drabble feat. BokuAka
warning/s: none just pure fluff
a/n: this is my entry for @maddox-rider ‘s event for Hoshi and Sekai’s 1st Birthday ~ If you haven’t met the twins yet, kindly visit Maddo’s IG for the twins’ shenanigans Happy first birthday Hoshi and Sekai! ⭐️ aaaahhhhh its their first birthday but let’s just say they’re between 5-6y/o in this drabble~ Please give love to these precious twins too~ thank you!!
Akaashi was hunched before his computer opting to finish his work before his husband arrives, when a sudden gust of wind blew through his his home office, he stood up pulling his cardigan closer to his body and closed the window, noticing how dark the skies were. “A storm is brewing up.” he thought to himself. “And I need to brew another cup of coffee.” he said as he walked out of the room into their little kitchen.
Despite the cold winds bellowing outside of their house, the warm and cozy feeling of their home lingers. Flashbacks of their fond memories came crashing on him. From the time he moved in with Bokuto, their marriage and until the present time where they had the twins. Akaashi couldn’t help the swelling of his heart and the upward curve of his lips.
His train of thoughts was sudden interrupted when a blinding and terrifying lightning flashed, followed by the most grueling sound the thunder. The first thing that came into his mind were the twins, Hoshi and Sekai, that were peacefully sleeping upstairs.
Without a second beat, he immediately sprinted upstairs to their sons’ bedroom. Creaking the door open, he heard voices coming from his sons, sniffles, which he concluded was from Sekai and some cooing and shushing noises that was from Hoshi. As he opened the door just a bit to peek, the sight that unfolded into his eyes made him wanna cry, of fondness. Hoshi was on the lower bunk of the double decker bed, hugging Sekai as he was comforting his twin.
“Shi-kun… I’m scared…” Sekai sobbed into his brother’s embrace. Hoshi just tightened his hold and started rubbing his twin’s back. “D-don’t worry Kai-kun.. I’m here! Hoshi will p-protect you!” Hoshi assures, even though he himself was scared too.
Sekai looked into his brother’s eyes. “Aren’t you scared Shi-kun?” He then asked… Hoshi tensed, he doesn’t want Sekai to think that he can’t protect him. “N-no! I am not. The lighting won’t reach us! B-because were together! And because w-were together, we’re strong.” Hoshi reasoned out despite his own voice shaking, in slight fear.
On the other hand, Akaashi, that was hiding behind the door, witnessed everything, can’t help but be proud of his sons.
“Kai-kun, do you remember what Papa Keiji told us?” Sekai turned his attention back to his twin and nodded. “Y-yes. That we have each other..”. Hoshi flashed his toothy grin reaembling of his Daddy Koutaro’s, “Right! So no matter what happens, I will always be here! To protect you!” “P-promise?” “Pinky Promise!” Hoshi lifted his pinky and Sekai linking his as they sealed the promise fondly.
“You’ll be safe, as long as I am here Kai-kun!” Hoshi then hugged Sekai even tighter.
And that’s when Akaashi decided to enter the room. “Everything okay here,boys?”. The moment they heard their father’s voice, the twins immediately jumped off the bed and ran towards him. “Papa!” the boys said in unison as they hugged their father’s legs.
“I heard Sekai crying, are you okay?” Akaashi asked as he crouched and patted the grey-haired twin’s head. Sekai nodded, “Shi-kun protected me Papa! I am okay now!” He turned his attention to the dark-haired twin and complimented him, “That was brave of you Hoshi! Papa is proud of you!” And Hoshi’s face lit up.
“I will always protect Kai-kun, Papa!” Hoshi beamed as he hugged both his papa and his brother. “And I’ll do the with Shi-kun!” Sekai turned to his twin and linked their hands together.
A lone tear escaped Akaashi’s eye at the warmth his sons emitted and can’t help but hugged them tighter. Little did they know that Bokuto was already home and saw the exchange.
“I wasn’t informed that there’s a group hug happening here now!” He suddenly bursted into the room from hiding with a pout.
“DADDY!!”
Akaashi’s gaze softened at his husband and chuckled. “What are you waiting for then” extending his arm to let Bokuto join in.
“I’m home” Bokuto said as he placed a gentle kiss on Akaashi’s forehead.
“Welcome home, Kou”
And despite the raging storm outside,.their home remained warm and cozy.
tbh i think all the characters would let their s/o paint their nails :)
bokuto
he was waiting for you to ask him first bc he was too scared to ask himself
but when you do he’s ecstatic, his eyes are practically glowing at the different options
he’s probably want you to paint his nails the fukurodani colours and you happily agree
“kou~ hold still or ill get it all over your fingers!”
bokuto tries his best to be patient while you paint, doing his best not to squirm and mess you up
also, he really enjoys that you two are able to just have this quality time to do something a little bit silly
call him pretty after painting his nails and watch how he blushes
suna
never really wanted to get his nails painted but at the end of the day he wasn’t opposed to the idea
“hey rin, do you mind if i paint your nails?” he looks at you with a neutral expression, seeing how excited the thought made you he shrugged. “have at it.”
he sits so still for you, heck he almost falls asleep during the process
you wanted to be all cute so you matched his nails with your own, (while his nails were all black expect for his pinky which was pink yours were pink except for your pinky which was black… if ykyk)
suna manages to take so many pictures: before, during and even after
his favourite this is of you, pairing his thumb with your tongue sticking out in concentration
kyotani
he would paint his nails on his own and honestly enjoys having polish on his nails even if he only wears black
so when you ask him if he’d let you of course he’d say yes!
he gives you soft looks during the whole thing and if anyone from the team were to see him being so smiley he’d die
if it’s you painting his nails he doesn’t really care the colour, but would prefer something on the darker side yknow to match his whole aesthetic.
kiss his knuckles when your done and he’ll have melted in your hands
as he’s waiting for them to dry he’ll hug you as like a ‘thank you’ but he’d stand in a way that puts him at a perfect height to massage his head
