what’s the name for that species of joke where you mix and match true facts to make something twice as wrong as knowing nothing. if you bite it and you die it’s a stalagmite if it bites you and you die it’s a stalactite
It’s actually not the stalactite that bites you you’re thinking of stalactite’s monster.
it’s only a stalactite if it’s from the Stalac region of
i think all fictional couples should be evaluated by how funny an AITA reddit post about their first couple fight would be
… Three fictional couples popped into my head immediately and I can’t decide which would be funniest: Aral and Cordelia Vorkosigan, Fox and David Xanatos, or Silas and Delilah Briarwood.
These are Bags of Holding for sale at a relatively cheap price. The catch? They’re used - plucked from the bodies of fallen adventurers. They contain random amounts of money or jewels, but are mostly stuff with 15 items of random things from the players handbook.
Characters cannot preview the contents of the bags. Items from the bags cannot be resold at that vendor for more money. And above all ALL SALES ARE FINAL.
right again. what’s a pirate’s favorite state to visit?
Arrrrrrrrrkansas?
yep. what’s a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet?
R!
oh, you think it’s an R, but it’s really the C
Heard a guy do a pirate song once and yell out jokes like this to the audience during the bridge. The last one:
Singer: “What’s a pirate’s favorite crime?” The audience, primed by now: “Arr-son!” Singer stops playing, stares at us all reproachfully, says: “Piracy.”
j r r tolkien named the elves in the Silmarillion the same way t s eliot named the cats in Cats (2019) and i can prove this to you with textual evidence
cat naming traditions as outlined in Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats vs noldorin naming traditions as outlined in Laws & Customs Among the Eldar
now you too are cursed with this knowledge
The Naming of Elves can’t be any old label This isn’t just silly authorial games. You may think that some are as bad as “Clive Staples” But I tell you an Elf must have THREE OR MORE NAMES. First of all, there’s the father-name to which they’ll answer, Such as “Skillful” or “Wiseguy,” or “Noble,” or “Hair,” Such as “Champion,” “Third One (so suck it),” “Commander,” All of them sensible? everyday? fare. And some names can be fancy without weird opinions Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames Like “Desirable,” “Victory,” “Sparkling Brilliance” By Eru I swear these are everyday names. But I tell you, an Elf needs a name that’s significant, A mother-name given with wisdom and sight Though often too late to be on birth certificates It’s always a true name and often it’s right. And mother-names sometimes are even prophetic Such as “Flameo Hotman” or “Quick Attitude,” Such as “Tomboy,” “The Boss” or “Has Dad’s Genetics” — But ya pity a ginger kid raised as “Doomed.” But above and beyond there’s a name that’s like property, It’s private and personal, not for your use The name that might not even be in your glossary But THE ELF THEMSELF CHOSE, and may share or refuse. When you notice an Elf in profound meditation, The reason, says Aelfwine, is always the same: His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name: His ineffable Elf label Essecilmenable Deep and inscrutable singular Name.
it’s never just “how are you,” it’s always “how are you still alive i killed you i killed you i put a bullet in your head and they buried you i went to your funeral i saw your corpse you can’t be alive oh god what are you”
