Hierarchies

We practice hierarchal polyamory; we each have 20+ years with our spouses, kids, finances, homes, etc., so it’s only natural that our relationships are hierarchal.

I love both Chandler and Ross like crazy (Rachel, too, of course) and they’re both so important to me. I don’t like having to rank them as husband vs boyfriend. Husband gets these privileges, boyfriend only gets these. On the flip side, I’m sometimes envious of Rachel, wishing I could have some of the wife privileges she gets.

The glass ceiling that our type of polyamory brings is the one downside for me. There’s only so far we can go. It’s so ingrained in me that you meet someone, fall in love, and follow a certain progression in the relationship. That happens to an extent in poly, but then there’s a hard stop where there’s no further you can really go. Speaking for myself, my feelings don’t hit the hard stop, though, so it’s tough. You want more, but there is no more.

If that’s my biggest complaint, then I’m pretty lucky, though. I take what I can get, and, overall, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I wouldn’t trade this for the world.