I get so tired of hiding who I love. Every day, I want to just scream it from the rooftops and love who I love, outloud. I want to post pics of my BF and me like it’s common knowledge and no big deal. Our polycule’s 6 year anniversary is coming up, and I want to show off cutesy pics of the 4 of us and tell our story.
I want to not give a shit about what people think, the judgement we would inevitably get, or the friends I’d probably lose (but were they real friends anyway if they don’t love me for who I am?).
While not out to most friends and family, we don’t hide it in the general public. I always hope that someone runs into us somewhere and the cat is out of the bag. I want to say, “yep, THISISUS, we’re all happier than a fat kid with cake, and we’re no different than yesterday when you didn’t know we were romantically involved.” It seems so unnatural and weird to love someone so much but just “be friends” in so many settings and to so many people.
“Hey… I say this because I’m your friend and I care about you… I saw your wife with another man yesterday.”
“Oh, yeah, that was probably her boyfriend.”
Love this. Chandler would so say something like that.
That’s a downside of not being open- being seen by someone we know while out with our non-spouse and assumptions being made that we’re cheating. I refuse to let that get in the way of just being ourselves when we’re out together, though.
I know our neighbors have to wonder what the hell is going on. I’m sure they’ve seen me kiss Ross goodbye, and they know Chandler is my husband. I’d hate for them to think I was having an affair, but I can’t exactly yell over the fence, “Hey Viktor! Come over and meet by boyfriend!” Well, I guess I could…..
Chandler (hubby) and Ross (boyfriend, although I hate using that word for him, ) hung out tonight while Rachel wasn’t feeling well and I was out of town for work. That’s nothing really new, but I love when they have bro time together. Hubby texted me, “thanks for loaning me your boyfriend tonight.” I really do love my life and my people.
You know you have something pretty damn great when you’re wrapped up in your boyfriend’s arms in your bed on a Sunday morning and your husband walks in (coming home from his sleepover with Rachel) and says “oh, hey, guys, just getting my work clothes, I’ll be outta here in 30 seconds.” I love my love and I love my polycule.
(As a side note, Ross and I were like, “it’s not what it looks like!” and then laughed hysterically because it’s exactly what it looks like.)
We practice hierarchal polyamory; we each have 20+ years with our spouses, kids, finances, homes, etc., so it’s only natural that our relationships are hierarchal.
I love both Chandler and Ross like crazy (Rachel, too, of course) and they’re both so important to me. I don’t like having to rank them as husband vs boyfriend. Husband gets these privileges, boyfriend only gets these. On the flip side, I’m sometimes envious of Rachel, wishing I could have some of the wife privileges she gets.
The glass ceiling that our type of polyamory brings is the one downside for me. There’s only so far we can go. It’s so ingrained in me that you meet someone, fall in love, and follow a certain progression in the relationship. That happens to an extent in poly, but then there’s a hard stop where there’s no further you can really go. Speaking for myself, my feelings don’t hit the hard stop, though, so it’s tough. You want more, but there is no more.
If that’s my biggest complaint, then I’m pretty lucky, though. I take what I can get, and, overall, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I wouldn’t trade this for the world.
It’s been awhile since I’ve written a post. I have so many drafts, but I never seem to get them perfected enough to post.
A brief run down of the last couple of months:
Our little polycule is as happy and healthy as ever. 2 of the kids are back at college, 1 got her own apartment, and 1 finished his degree and is hopefully finding his own place in the next year. This opens up Ross’ and Rachel’s house to sleep overs. It’s kind of a big deal; Chandler and I have “a drawer,” so to speak. Our kid is comfortable with our relationship but not as uncomfortable knowing we’re having guests, so we wait till he works late at his second job every other weekend then we house swap.
Our latest rehab is a multi unit Airbnb and is almost finished. It’ll double as our 2nd home (when not rented out, anyway). 1 unit will be Ross’ and mine, the other will be Chandler’s and Rachel’s. I’m pretty fucking excited about that. It’s as close as we each will get to having “our own place.”
Next week, we all head to Riviera Maya for 7 fanfuckingtastic nights in an all inclusive paradise. We’ll split the sleeping arrangements 3-3 with 1 night TBD. Maybe that’ll be a night of all 4?
The E word (exclusivity) has been floated by in a couple of conversations, but that’s a whole post on its own (in my drafts folder).
We were almost interviewed by CBS for a polyamory documentary, but production decided not to come to our city. That would have been interesting to do. We’d love to see more positive media coverage on non monogamy instead of most of the salacious, sister-wife bullshit that’s usually the spin on these shows.
My heart is so full and happy with these 3 amazing humans. I’m fully aware of how fucking lucky I am and don’t take a minute of this life for granted.
Reason #zillion that polyamory is pretty fucking awesome: Ross plays softball. Rachel hates going to softball games. I fucking love it. Plus it’s kinda fun to show up and let Ross’ coworkers wonder who the hell I am.
Agh, this makes me so excited!! My very own place to keep my stuff in my loves’ bathroom/bedroom. They even filled one with a starter kit . I love them so much. ❤️❤️
The 4 of us were invited to a post pride party this weekend. The host posted that “it’s our 1st LS party!” I might be really a little naive, because I thought it meant the 1st party at their new house where the guests just happen to be LS friends.
When the hostess started posting pics of the play areas, the penis piñata, and condom/wipe station, I realized, ohhhhh…THAT kind of LS party. Which is cool, too, but…..
There was a time that Chandler and I would’ve been super excited to hit up this party, and eagerly checking out the guest list to see who we might hook up with.
Now, however, we’re just so happy and content with Ross and Rachel, and the party scene has lost its appeal. We still love hanging out with our swinger friends, and making out with them is fun, but none of us really have that desire to hook up with them.
We’re all kinda just with each other right now, but we’re not exclusive and probably will never designate our status as such. That eases my anxiety that Ross and Rachel won’t ever feel tied down. But for now, we’re all pretty damn happy to skip the house play parties.
When your partner(s) notice you aren’t yourself and ask you if you’re alright, please don’t insist that you are when you’re really not. They know you’re not, that’s why they’re asking. Let them be there to support and help you. That’s a benefit of poly: having a multi-person support system.
You’re not burdening them, especially if they were the ones who asked you in the first place. If you can’t say it (which often is the case for me, personally), write it. Send an email. Be upfront and tell them it’s easier for you to write your feelings. If you can’t put your feelings into words, spoken or written, just tell them you know you’re not yourself but just don’t have the words to describe it. On that note, if you’re not ready to talk about it, tell them that. Just don’t swear up and down you’re great when you’re not.
When your partner(s) know you’re not yourself and you continue promising that you’re good, you leave them wondering what’s really up; then they’re not ok…and now, no one’s ok.
I can’t say it enough: honesty and communication are paramount in polyamory.
Great story about a polyamorous family. I admire how the writer bravely came out to her conservative religious community, family, and friends.
There are many days I want to sing it from the rooftops to everyone about our relationship, but I don’t for fear of what other people will say/think. I know, I know…I shouldn’t give a shit what other people think. I’m hoping that society continues to evolve in its acceptance of what’s “ok” and I can someday live openly and have it just be a normal thing.
I’m super happy that all 4 of our collective kids are so comfortable with our poly relationship. Each set of kids refer to each set of partners as step parents. It’s truly an amazing relationship and makes my heart all gushy.
But….that doesn’t mean I want to hang out with them at OURbar.
OUR bar, as I’ve written about before, is the local dive gay bar that we frequent waaaaaay too often. 3 of the 4 kids are 21+. The 4th is 19. Doesn’t matter. They all want to hang out with us at OURbar. W. T. F. ????
Like, did you want to hang out with your parents when you were 19-23? I know I sure the hell didn’t!
And it’s not just dropping by for A drink. It’s “hey parents/step parents…are you headed to THE bar tonight? Because we’re going to come and sit at YOUR table and hang out ALL fucking night with YOU!!” And if we’re not there, they go anyway. Without us. Our kid calls Ross’ and Rachel’s kid to meet him to hang out at our bar on our off nights.
It’s a weird situation. We want the kids to be comfortable…but, fuck. You all are 21 (except for one, but that doesn’t deter her from having soda or a discrete drink at our bar with us)…don’t y’all have your own friends with which you want to go to your OWN damn bar? We’ve said exactly that to all of them. They look at us all dumbfounded.
When one of you has a little way too much to drink, you have a group of caretakers to rally around and offer to hold your hair back.
Chandler was not in good form tonight. While it was unintentional on his part, I was still embarrassed (3 years into this, no less) for Rachel to see this. However, she sincerely said she’d totally go home with him and “metaphorically hold his hair back.” I spared her, held his metaphorical hair back, and tucked him in bed.
Last Tuesday was 3 years since the swinger event where we met Ross and Rachel. We knew we liked them, but we had no idea it would lead us here.
I know I’ve written about the start of our 4some before. No one was looking for a relationship, this was casual fun only, yadda, yadda. Yet…here we are.
To mark the day, we went out for a nice dinner, where we reminisced over good food and drinks about how we met, what we were thinking, 1st dates (I was so nervous!!), original messages (so fun to go back and read them), and the early days. We ended the date by spending the night together.
The 4 of us have shared concerts, float trips, vacations, family dinners with the kids, nights at the dive bar, moves, losses, fears, a whole list of firsts, tears of laughter, and tears of sadness. I can’t wait to share even more, and, hopefully, that includes the rest of my life.
There were a lot of pieces that had to fall into place to facilitate our coming together. Little things like where we sat at the M&G, to big things like Chandler’s and my timing on re-entering the LS and the fateful Halloween party that spurred Ross and Rachel to explore the LS. I’m not a fate and destiny kind of girl, but did the stars just align perfectly? I stole borrowed the term from someone else, but I like to refer to March 19 as our “universary;” the day the universe shifted for each of the 4 of us.
I can’t imagine our life without Ross and Rachel. We had a great life before, but they just make it that much fuller and more vibrant. They are our lovers, our partners in crime, our best friends. They are our people.
We attended a karaoke party last week. The guests were all LS, many we knew and some we didn’t.
The hostess is an absolute doll and loves to party. She’d already been pregaming when we arrived and greeted us with a not so accidental nip slip as we came in.
I wore a new, cleavage baring dress that received a lot of compliments. There were a lot of gorgeous, scantily clad girls there, so I tend to feel a little self conscious. It did spark a few “are those real?” (they are) and “can I see/touch them?” I did appreciate the request for permission before being groped, and I obliged.
One of the first few songs was Patience by Guns n Roses, sung by a guy we knew. 3 ladies began, uh, servicing him right when he got to that really high pitched verse. He sang right on through like a real champ.
Later, there were lots of boobs coming out, and other, um, stuff happening on stage during the performances. Waaaaay better than Tuesday night karaoke at your local vanilla bar. The hostess did have play areas set up; knowing the group, I’m sure they were used.
I had a guy who I knew confess to me that he is way into me and a subject of his fantasies. Either he was hitting the bottle hard that night, or he was looking to get lucky. Either way, I was flattered, because there had been zero indication of this prior to tonight.
Another guy walked around with his shirt off wanting to know when the “real” house party starts. I informed him that it’s a karaoke party with play accommodations, not really a house party, per se. He proceeded to brag that usually he’d already fucked 2 chicks and made pizza by that time (it was 9:45 pm). I just kinda thought, looks like you’re striking out then, dude.
We had a ton of fun and made our way out around 10:30, in our typical Irish goodbye way (at least I did). We had some early morning house stuff we needed to get done.
It had been awhile since I’d been to a LS gathering, so it was good to see friends and be seen. These are my favorite types of LS events.
We have in depth discussions on, and are completely entertained by, the ins and outs of power point presentations. Transitions, fonts, clip art. Studies about what keeps people engaged. How to present a slide that has features that are different from the last. All while in the presence of others. At the bar. I love that we can both be nerdy.
I haven’t posted lately; Chandler and I have been in balls to the wall mode finishing our latest rehab. The upside to that is that we, again, have a private love nest for the 4 of us. Both our oldest and their oldest live at home, so there’s not a lot ofzero privacy, even to just watch movies. So now we have a private abode…until it sells, anyway.
Our next house is lined up which we’ll convert to a 2 family residence as an Airbnb. One unit will have 2 private bedrooms/full baths adjoined by a kitchenette. Each one of these rooms will be “our” private little place, one for Rachel and Chandler, one for Ross and me. The income generated by that unit might be hard to come by if we’re always staying in it, though. Oh well, priorities.
I’ve found myself kinda drifting away from the swinger scene. It’s not off the table, but I guess I just don’t have the desire. I feel a decent degree of anxiety when I get texts from past partners, thinking they’re looking for a hook up, even if it’s just to say hi. I’m just pretty fucking happy with what I have. We’ll still attend some events just to keep our feet in the door, and see friends we’ve made in the LS, but I’m not shopping for anything.
I still get nauseous at the thought of Ross with someone else, but I try to make sure he knows he is free to do whatever with whomever, and I’m sincere about that. I still don’t want to know, though. I know, I know…not healthy. In a group setting where I could see, though, I’d be fine. Turned on, even. What’s up with that?
I can’t express how much I’m loving living in the city, and living 1.5 miles from my loves. I don’t know how I did it when they were 45 minutes away. I love knowing they are just down the street. Many nights are spent at our favorite dive bar, sometimes till closing time. It’s hard to connect with each other while there though; we seem to be rather popular with the regulars. There’s always a parade of people stopping by our table. That’s not a bad problem to have though. Everybody knows our name.
So that’s kind of a catch up since my last post. I’ve crossed the 5200 followers mark (I’m just as shocked as you, but thank you all, porn bots included), so I thought I should catch my blog up and post more regularly.
Aaron Lycan and his two weed smoking girlfriends and one weed smoking wife,,,,and their baby.
My hellish poly ship that I’ve blessed my writing of Aaron with, being a polycule of him, Lily, Michi and Diana, and maybe some more ppl because of an inside joke between me and a friend I fourced to watch My Street.
And yes, little baby Jacob exists for lore reasons.
