polyamorouscultureis:

“Hey… I say this because I’m your friend and I care about you… I saw your wife with another man yesterday.”

“Oh, yeah, that was probably her boyfriend.”

Love this. Chandler would so say something like that.

That’s a downside of not being open- being seen by someone we know while out with our non-spouse and assumptions being made that we’re cheating. I refuse to let that get in the way of just being ourselves when we’re out together, though.

I know our neighbors have to wonder what the hell is going on. I’m sure they’ve seen me kiss Ross goodbye, and they know Chandler is my husband. I’d hate for them to think I was having an affair, but I can’t exactly yell over the fence, “Hey Viktor! Come over and meet by boyfriend!” Well, I guess I could…..

Chandler (hubby) and Ross (boyfriend, although I hate using that word for him, ) hung out tonight while Rachel wasn’t feeling well and I was out of town for work. That’s nothing really new, but I love when they have bro time together. Hubby texted me, “thanks for loaning me your boyfriend tonight.” I really do love my life and my people.

You know you have something pretty damn great when you’re wrapped up in your boyfriend’s arms in your bed on a Sunday morning and your husband walks in (coming home from his sleepover with Rachel) and says “oh, hey, guys, just getting my work clothes, I’ll be outta here in 30 seconds.” I love my love and I love my polycule.

(As a side note, Ross and I were like, “it’s not what it looks like!” and then laughed hysterically because it’s exactly what it looks like.)

Hierarchies

We practice hierarchal polyamory; we each have 20+ years with our spouses, kids, finances, homes, etc., so it’s only natural that our relationships are hierarchal.

I love both Chandler and Ross like crazy (Rachel, too, of course) and they’re both so important to me. I don’t like having to rank them as husband vs boyfriend. Husband gets these privileges, boyfriend only gets these. On the flip side, I’m sometimes envious of Rachel, wishing I could have some of the wife privileges she gets.

The glass ceiling that our type of polyamory brings is the one downside for me. There’s only so far we can go. It’s so ingrained in me that you meet someone, fall in love, and follow a certain progression in the relationship. That happens to an extent in poly, but then there’s a hard stop where there’s no further you can really go. Speaking for myself, my feelings don’t hit the hard stop, though, so it’s tough. You want more, but there is no more.

If that’s my biggest complaint, then I’m pretty lucky, though. I take what I can get, and, overall, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I wouldn’t trade this for the world.

Catching up

It’s been awhile since I’ve written a post. I have so many drafts, but I never seem to get them perfected enough to post.

A brief run down of the last couple of months:

Our little polycule is as happy and healthy as ever. 2 of the kids are back at college, 1 got her own apartment, and 1 finished his degree and is hopefully finding his own place in the next year. This opens up Ross’ and Rachel’s house to sleep overs. It’s kind of a big deal; Chandler and I have “a drawer,” so to speak. Our kid is comfortable with our relationship but not as uncomfortable knowing we’re having guests, so we wait till he works late at his second job every other weekend then we house swap.

Our latest rehab is a multi unit Airbnb and is almost finished. It’ll double as our 2nd home (when not rented out, anyway). 1 unit will be Ross’ and mine, the other will be Chandler’s and Rachel’s. I’m pretty fucking excited about that. It’s as close as we each will get to having “our own place.”

Next week, we all head to Riviera Maya for 7 fanfuckingtastic nights in an all inclusive paradise. We’ll split the sleeping arrangements 3-3 with 1 night TBD. Maybe that’ll be a night of all 4?

The E word (exclusivity) has been floated by in a couple of conversations, but that’s a whole post on its own (in my drafts folder).

We were almost interviewed by CBS for a polyamory documentary, but production decided not to come to our city. That would have been interesting to do. We’d love to see more positive media coverage on non monogamy instead of most of the salacious, sister-wife bullshit that’s usually the spin on these shows.

My heart is so full and happy with these 3 amazing humans. I’m fully aware of how fucking lucky I am and don’t take a minute of this life for granted.

“I want to see you. You are my plans.”

Ross, when I asked him if I could see him both Friday and Saturday if he had no other plans. I love that guy.