#hobbitses

captainlordauditor:

animatedamerican:

jaune-chat:

rubynye:

animatedamerican:

animatedamerican:

prismatic-bell:

bramblepatch:

sometransgal:

Why do Goblins have to eat trash? Why can’t goblin cuisine simply have a strong emphasis on fermentation and controlled spoilage?

Like fermentation stinks to high heaven and you typically hide it away in dark and cool places. It fits lore wise for a creature that lives in a cave and is described as unclean.

Anyway this has been food for thought

concept: a setting where every race has a different preferred method of food preservation and each of them is pretty sure that everyone else is ruining their food - goblinoids are masters of fermented foods, elves make exquisite sundried fruits and jerkies, dwarf cities have enchanted walk-in freezers hewn from living stone, gnomes can pickle anything, orcish smokehouses are legendary.

humans and halflings don’t have their own signature food preservation methods, but are notable for being willing to eat everyone else’s trail rations.

Goblins also have an EXQUISITE mushroom cuisine. A single package of genuine goblin-grown shelf mushrooms can be worth more than gold in some regions.

Okay, yes to all of this, but consider: FUSION CUISINE. 

Some adventurous gnome starts using elf-dried berries and herbs in their pickling vat. Some curious orc discovers what happens when you smoke goblin-fermented fish. An elf defies all tradition and starts adding both orcish curing seasonings and goblin-made vinegar to their jerky. A couple of dwarves and halflings working together accidentally invent ice cream and nobody knows how.

A sandwich shop opens up called A&B, which most people think is for the names of the owners (Allforth and Burrows, a human and halfling respectively) but is actually a reference to the fact that everything on the menu is a combination of at least two unrelated culinary traditions.

• Thin-sliced orcish smoked sausage on a hard roll with gnomish pickled greens and a tangy spread made out of elvish sun-dried tomatoes
• Goblinish fermented fish paste blended with soft cheese, on bread studded with olives cured in the gnomish style and then elf-dried
• Human-style fresh roasted fowl topped with orc-smoked bacon, slathered in a combination of halfling-style berry jam and goblinish vinegar

… I admit I’m at a loss for how to use dwarvish freezing techniques here. Any suggestions?

If dwarves can freeze they can probably freeze-dry. Imagine what can be done with powdered fruit, vegetables, and herbs.

Frozen dwarven meats sliced razor-thin on their finely-crafted blades for sandwiches or charcuterie boards, accompanied by fermented goblin relish, pickled gnomish vegetables, and dried elven fruits.  It’s accompanied by fine halfling cheeses and human-made bread (ok, so they’re not as known for it as some other races, but halflings do make a mean cheese and humans eat honestly way too much bread, so they it make a lot).

Dwarven-iced goblin kombucha

Soups made with out-of-season freeze-dried herbs and vegetables, the flavor enhanced with freeze-dried and powered goblin mushrooms

Breads and cookies flavored and colored with freeze-dried fruit powders in fanciful shapes

this post is a neverending font of delight 

Has anyone considered dwarven cheese, ripened in caves?

Hmm … on reflection, cheese seems to me more like a controlled-spoilage method of preservation. Which, as per the original concept, means it should be goblin work. Especially the sorts of cheese that call for careful use of exactly the right kind of mold.

But goblins and dwarves working together could probably get up to some amazing cross-disciplinary methods for cheese ripening.

It’s also occurred to me that if dwarves use freezing as their chief method of preserving food, and goblins use fermentation and other forms of controlled rot, this combination is also perfectly primed for the discovery of freeze distillation.

homoqueerjewhobbit:

Imagine how fucking balls to the wall amazing a Hobbit Seder would be. It’s all the things Hobbits love. You sit around a table for an excessively long meal, you make your seat extra comfortable, you tell lots of stories and sing songs telling those stories, and you eat and drink so, so much.

And you just know 18% of the time, Gandalf is standing there when you open the door for Elijah.

Someone just linked me to this fic on AO3:

All Who Are Hungry (996 words) by CenozoicSynapsid
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom:The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien,הגדה של פסח | Passover Haggada
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Frodo Baggins, Sam Gamgee, Gollum | Sméagol
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Jewish, Song Parody, The Two Towers, Crack Crossover, Collection: Purimgifts Day 1
Summary:
“Do you remember, Sam, how Bilbo used to start the holiday at Bag End?”
Inexplicably Jewish hobbits talk about celebrating Pesach, and of course someone has to sing Chad Gadya.