Why do Goblins have to eat trash? Why can’t goblin cuisine simply have a strong emphasis on fermentation and controlled spoilage?
Like fermentation stinks to high heaven and you typically hide it away in dark and cool places. It fits lore wise for a creature that lives in a cave and is described as unclean.
Anyway this has been food for thought
concept: a setting where every race has a different preferred method of food preservation and each of them is pretty sure that everyone else is ruining their food - goblinoids are masters of fermented foods, elves make exquisite sundried fruits and jerkies, dwarf cities have enchanted walk-in freezers hewn from living stone, gnomes can pickle anything, orcish smokehouses are legendary.
humans and halflings don’t have their own signature food preservation methods, but are notable for being willing to eat everyone else’s trail rations.
Goblins also have an EXQUISITE mushroom cuisine. A single package of genuine goblin-grown shelf mushrooms can be worth more than gold in some regions.
Okay, yes to all of this, but consider: FUSION CUISINE.
Some adventurous gnome starts using elf-dried berries and herbs in their pickling vat. Some curious orc discovers what happens when you smoke goblin-fermented fish. An elf defies all tradition and starts adding both orcish curing seasonings and goblin-made vinegar to their jerky. A couple of dwarves and halflings working together accidentally invent ice cream and nobody knows how.
A sandwich shop opens up called A&B, which most people think is for the names of the owners (Allforth and Burrows, a human and halfling respectively) but is actually a reference to the fact that everything on the menu is a combination of at least two unrelated culinary traditions.
Thin-sliced orcish smoked sausage on a hard roll with gnomish pickled greens and a tangy spread made out of elvish sun-dried tomatoes
Goblinish fermented fish paste blended with soft cheese, on bread studded with olives cured in the gnomish style and then elf-dried
Human-style fresh roasted fowl topped with orc-smoked bacon, slathered in a combination of halfling-style berry jam and goblinish vinegar
… I admit I’m at a loss for how to use dwarvish freezing techniques here. Any suggestions?
If dwarves can freeze they can probably freeze-dry. Imagine what can be done with powdered fruit, vegetables, and herbs.
Frozen dwarven meats sliced razor-thin on their finely-crafted blades for sandwiches or charcuterie boards, accompanied by fermented goblin relish, pickled gnomish vegetables, and dried elven fruits. It’s accompanied by fine halfling cheeses and human-made bread (ok, so they’re not as known for it as some other races, but halflings do make a mean cheese and humans eat honestly way too much bread, so they it make a lot).
Dwarven-iced goblin kombucha
Soups made with out-of-season freeze-dried herbs and vegetables, the flavor enhanced with freeze-dried and powered goblin mushrooms
Breads and cookies flavored and colored with freeze-dried fruit powders in fanciful shapes
this post is a neverending font of delight
Has anyone considered dwarven cheese, ripened in caves?
Hmm … on reflection, cheese seems to me more like a controlled-spoilage method of preservation. Which, as per the original concept, means it should be goblin work. Especially the sorts of cheese that call for careful use of exactly the right kind of mold.
But goblins and dwarves working together could probably get up to some amazing cross-disciplinary methods for cheese ripening.
It’s also occurred to me that if dwarves use freezing as their chief method of preserving food, and goblins use fermentation and other forms of controlled rot, this combination is also perfectly primed for the discovery of freeze distillation.
I started coming up with some ideas to make Goliath lore more interesting. I thought it would be cool if they had shamans who see glimpses of the future by spilling blood on ancestral stone and looking at how it spills over the stone.
Here are some sample omens based on how the blood spills that I have come up with (written from the perspective of the shaman):
“The blood trickles around these sacred stones like the weaving strands of a spider’s web. Just as the spider betrays the fly, someone aims to betray the chief.”
“Look, here, as the blood splashes against that stone and droplets of red seep into the dirt. Like the rain, it is. There will be a great downpour.”
“Ah, the blood pools in a small pond of crimson. But oh what is this that floats in the blood I have spilt? A raven’s feather. Oh, no. A great death approaches.”
“The blood trickles over this stone like a mountain brook. But oh. Oh no. Look as that Toad splashes in the blood. Our tribe shall face a coming plague.”
“Look, boy, as the blood swirls in a pattern that mimics the cosmos on a clear night. The spirals tell me that a great hero will soon be born.”
“Ah, yes, good. Just as the blood nurtures this flower that grows between the stone, so too will we be nurtured by good health this new year. This is good.”
As you can see it’s not just the pattern of the blood but how the blood interacts with the world around it. The shaman knows how to read the signs. Now so do you. Feel free to use in your own fantasy worlds, whether with Goliaths (or other giantkin), orcs, elves, humans, whatever you desire.
Also please note that just because blood is spilt and used to predict the future it doesn’t have to be evil. I imagine the shaman from my examples would be neutral good. And while it would make perfect since for a witch to do this too, witches dont have to be evil either.
I dont know what it is but there is something Evocative of freshly spilt blood on cold, mountain stone. It’s very mystical.
Hey look… a simple reference for my earth genasi daolock Summit, and her Genie’s Vessel, a ring with a compartment. Yes her patron is a genie… how cool is that
She’s supposed to be lawful evil, but i don’t have it in me to really be evil…
You were born of a sacrilegious union. Your green dragon mom never figured the knight she seduced while masquerading as a noblewoman was a silver dragon in disguise. You’d no idea either, born a human orphan. When your dragon blood awoke, so did the dangers which all your heritage entails.
You know that meme that’s like “the reason housecats are so pissy is because they’re nature’s perfect killing machine stuck in a one-foot-tall body”?
Kobolds are basically that, except instead of lions and tigers, the apex predator whose ego and killer instinct have been squished down into a tiny, faintly ridiculous form factor is a fucking dragon.
D&D manuals, on half-elemental characters: Half-elementals might come about due to prenatal exposure to extraplanar energies, via an ancestral bargain with an elemental prince, or through the blessing of a god of nature.
D&D players with half-elemental characters: My mom fucked a rock.
It’s been a year since the first of this saga of homebrew was posted. What began as a one-off, a fun idea, ended up becoming a year-long project to fullfill the ultimate quest: combining every single PHB race possible. And now, it is finally over. See here, the completed list of half-race homebrew!
Small and honestly a bit forgettable at times, maybe this is what’ll cheer the halfling race up! Being combined with other races from the PHB! This was made for 5e. Open images in new tab for better quality. Have fun playing, and feedback is much appreciated!
Is the standard gnome just not interesting enough for you? Do you want a little bit more fun? Well, then this is for you! All gnome half-race possibilities in the PHB! This was made for 5e. Open images in new tab for better quality. Have fun playing, and feedback is much appreciated!
Dark Shadar-Kai, Dark High Elf and Scorched Kalashtar
Commissioned by @nekothefloof! Thank you again! The specific race combinations are drow x shadar-kai (dark shadar-kai), drow x high elf (dark high elf) and efreet x kalashtar (fiery kalashtar).
Open images in new tab for better quality. Have fun playing, and feedback is much appreciated! If you like what I do, consider buying me a coffee!
Homebrew for all of the dwarf half-races possible with races from the PHB! For if all of those proficiencies are just too boring for you. This was made for 5e. Open images in new tab for better quality. Have fun playing, and feedback is much appreciated!
Homebrew for all of the orc half-races possible with races from the PHB! Time to throw the boring old human half-orc out of the window! This was made for 5e. Open images in new tab for better quality. Have fun playing, and feedback is much appreciated!
Homebrew for all of the elven half-races possible with races from the PHB! Time to throw the boring old human half-elf out of the window! This was made for 5e. Open images in new tab for better quality. Have fun playing, and feedback is much appreciated!
Homebrew for all of the dragonborn half-races possible with races from the PHB! Now you can all play funky dragons to your heart’s content. This was made for 5e. Open images in new tab for better quality. Have fun playing, and feedback is much appreciated!
Commissioned by @detective-rowan! Thank you! The race combination, for those unaware of my naming conventions, is elf x mind flayer. It was actually really interesting to learn how mind flayers canonically reproduce!
Open the image in new tab for better quality. Have fun playing, and feedback is much appreciated! If you like what I do, consider buying me a coffee!
