[21:09] you wish time would just stop for even a minute. let you collect yourself and your thoughts and actually be able to choke up words to say to him. but it’s not like he’d listen, anyway. talking to hyunjin is like talking to a child. he doesn’t actually listen. just waits until you finish speaking so he can get a word in again.
but it’s because you let him, you suppose. you’ve always been so lenient with him. never raising your voice in fear of getting him mad enough for him to leave. sure, he’s pissed you off plenty of times, but you try to keep it to yourself to avoid any arguments. arguments with hyunjin never end well.
he’s loud. you could be screaming at the top of your lungs but somehow he always finds a way to overpower your voice, as if somehow being louder means he’s right.
he’s stubborn. he doesn’t care if you have tears streaming down your cheeks. you could blatantly tell him exactly how to change to avoid the situation again or to just fucking listen to you for two seconds. but he’s too prideful to lose. his mind isn’t gonna change; you might as well give up now.
but worst of all, he’s victimizing. it doesn’t matter whether or not it was actually him in the wrong. it’s never his fault. you could have done better to avoid the situation. you should be the one who’s sorry.
so you apologize. over and over and over until he finally throws his hands up and says something like “whatever, i’ll be back later” and leaves you in tears in the living room and doesn’t come back until the morning.
but he always comes back with snacks and flowers and games and movie tickets with red, puffy eyes and an embarrassed apology and you forgive him without hesitation because the hyunjin from last night isn’t the hyunjin he is. i just got caught up in the heat of the moment, he says. you know i didn’t mean it. it won’t happen again.
and you always believe him. because when you truly love someone, you’re willing to look over a bad quality or two to keep them there.
it won’t happen again, you think. because when you truly love someone, you’re willing to change a bad quality or two to keep them there.
but he doesn’t truly love you. he just likes the thought of it, is all. but you’re too far in to be able to make that connection.
It was dark. The night sky spread above the roofs of the city, which was only illuminated by a few torches. The Milky Way spread out above you, split into thousands of small lights. The firmament always had a calming effect on you, so standing on your balcony and gazing up at the sky had become an evening ritual of yours. A slight smile graced your lips as you pulled the blanket around your shoulders a little tighter to get away from the cool wind.
He was almost silent as he climbed the balcony behind you, his fabric slippers touching the stone floor. It was only a slight rustling and scratching sound, which made you pay attention but did not make you turn around. You knew exactly who had joined you there and it only took a few seconds before you felt his presence next to you and he settled down on the cool ground as well.
