#internal monologue

*Reminding yourself to break eye contact every few seconds to avoid making them self-conscious about the fact that you’re looking at them closely only because that’s your normal and you need to understand them and it has nothing to do with the actual layout of their face….unless you’re talking to someone you like and it does. In that case, you’re just kind of screwed. Especially if you’re also a boy that likes boys and need to make it not obvious.*

Them: Hey, are you crying to this song?

Me: No, I didn’t even notice that was playing, tbh. I was just having an internal monologue and got to the emotional part

learning to do digital art and getting used to using layers by tracing photographs

link to reference

practising digital art by doing my embroidery designs digitally

so here’s some pride octopus sketches

rragnaroks:

rragnaroks:

me, sitting on a sofa in my underwear, biting into a head of iceberg lettuce

warching the johnny depp trial, snacking on crunchy water with my tits out is becoming a habit

what am i doing with my life

rragnaroks:

me, sitting on a sofa in my underwear, biting into a head of iceberg lettuce

warching the johnny depp trial, snacking on crunchy water with my tits out is becoming a habit

me, sitting on a sofa in my underwear, biting into a head of iceberg lettuce

i wonder if everyone at the trial internally smirks and pats themselves on the back when they call johnny’s character “captain jack sparrow” instead of just jack sparrow. i don’t think anyone has said his name without his title yet

rragnaroks:

i’m following Emily D Baker’s coverage of the Depp v Heard trial and I relate with the ADHD shit SO HARD

Johnny not lifting his eyes from his doodling even when spoken to by his counsel – ME! it’s so much easier to concentrate on conversation when you can keep doing something interesting (but not demanding attention) simultaneously. and his counsel seems to be fine with it and that makes me feel warm inside

Emily on the other hand was the reason I started seriously suspecting I might have ADHD in the first place. Her channel makes me feel so seen. Every live or replay I watch there’s moments where I relate to her so hard. She’s accidentally taught me methods to deal with ADHD shit (STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND JUST MAKE A NOTE RIGHT NOW, NO MATTER HOW ENGAGED YOU ARE OR HOW IMPORTANT WHAT YOU’RE DOING IS) and to think of ADHD as a different operating system. And I just like her a lot.

also trial today has been WILD, the last-minute witness shit is unbelievable and i’m so happy i was witnessing it with Emily and the rest of the lawnerds

you ever get one of those spells where you wanna do EVERYTHING at once and listen to ALL THE MUSIC but also really just this one song in particular but also READ ALL THE BOOKS but especially wanna re-read harry potter and WATCH ALL THE TV while also gaming, painting, gardening, embroidering, crocheting, baking, and assembling furniture at once? i’ve been awake for 34 hours and im not feeling sleepy at all because im just so full of longing to do ALL THE THINGS

rragnaroks:

rragnaroks:

my dad just apparently had a heart attack

ok it wasn’t a heart attack but they don’t know what it was exactly

ok now i understand why professionals don’t like the term “heart attack”. too broad. basically dad had a coronary thrombosis i.e. a blockage in the veins (well several actually), that meant he had the symptoms of a heart attack, but it apparently passed quickly enough that he had no myocardial infarct i.e. permanent damage to the heart muscle. also known as a heart attack. so he had one but also didn’t

patroclusdefencesquad:

wait just found out that joey batey had the audacity to write the lines “i promise you i’m not broken, i promise you there’s more // more to come, more to reach for, more to hurl at the door” and then be Surprised when the song was a hit

rragnaroks:

my dad just apparently had a heart attack

ok it wasn’t a heart attack but they don’t know what it was exactly

my dad just apparently had a heart attack

evidently-endless:

the amount of background brain processing power dedicated to The Plague at all times is just. appalling. am i a little warm or do i have a fever? do i just need to drink some water or is my throat getting dry? was that just bland or is my taste a little off? how many people are wearing masks in here? his is under his nose. hers under her chin. how many will be wearing masks at that place i’d like to go to next week? should i even go? this mask needs washed. my glasses are fogging up. did they just cough? don’t stand so close. are there too many people in here? someone i know is waiting on results. i want to see my friend but is it a good idea? someone else is isolating. i forgot to sanitise my hands on the way in. how many people will be there? i can’t be off work. how many people died today anyway? i’m outside but it’s crowded. they’re standing real close to me. it’s kind of hot in here. or am i getting a fever?

You are not the author of grace. You don’t have to heal yourself. 

Here is what you can do: you can respond.

The response will feel foolish and too late, like you’ve missed something that was there all along. Regret will enter, shame, and confusion along with the joy. 

No matter. Let it go.

You are not the author of grace.

When it comes to you in streams of sunlight, in the waters of a storm, in the friend saying “one day it will hurt less” you don’t have to do anything except take it, accept it. Let it in. 

It will show you the ways in which you’ve been wrong, the ways you can re-center. The shame accompanying the sudden sight of all your blindness is good for you, cleansing and invigorating to the spirit.

But let it pass.

Knowledge can only come after ignorance, light after dark; help only means something to the one who needs it. 

You don’t have to have not needed the grace to be worthy of it, to be able to open your hands to it. 

You don’t have to have already known what to do.

You are not the author of grace. You don’t have to heal yourself.