#its not very organized
FYI, being neurotypical / able-bodied and knowing a disabled person doesn’t give you free range to joke about disability, especially if you don’t know the person that well.
This morning, I have a colleague that I barely talk to here and there who came up to me and asked me unprompted (don’t do that either, by the way):
“Tell me if I’m wrong, but you’re like slightly autistic, right?”
I’m pretty open about my disability at my workplace, so I told him that I was “autistic”, ditching the functioning label, and he then added, I kid you not:
“Well, I think I’m going to see my doctor this afternoon, and get diagnosed with Stupidity Syndrome, so that I won’t have to deal with our customers anymore.”
I was stunned.I didn’t even know what to say or how to react, but my anxiety took over and I let out a nervous laugh, and I think he took it as a sign that his joke was funny? Somehow?
He then started to understand that it wasn’t the case, and he rambled about how he was the stupid one, and he just wanted a way to not deal with customers again.
Just so you know, I’m very open to making fun of myself and my disability, especially around people who I feel safe with. I laugh about my executive dysfunction, my social mistakes, and even my sensory issues.
But this joke felt like a slap to my face, given that I have an accommodation to not work with customers specifically because of my disability (and he knows that).
I fought to get that accommodation, and it was almost taken away from me a few times, because my previous boss hated me and used every leverage he could have against me. I’m working my ass off so that people won’t think that I’m “slacking off”, because I’m accommodated that way. It’s not something I just got from visiting a doctor once and that was it. It’s a constant struggle.
It wasn’t just a slap to my face, but to every autistic person I ever came across, whether they’re intellectually disabled or not.
I’m so angry at myself that I wasn’t eloquent enough at the moment to let him know how ableist his joke was, how ableist the idea of “stupidity syndrome” is, and how much he was disrespecting disabled people who are struggling every day just to get the tiniest amount of respect from other people and society.
I’m all for “let’s stop framing disability as a full-on tragedy all the time”, but it doesn’t mean that we have to go to the opposite and mock it / belittle it like that!
This colleague legitimately thought that, because he knew I’m disabled and I’m open about it, it gave him a free pass to just joke about it, without giving it a second thought. It doesn’t. Especially if you don’t know how to joke without belittling others.
You’re NT/able-bodied and you know disabled people in your entourage?
Well, instead of just going straight for “Oh, I can joke about that, I have a disabled friend/colleague/cousin/whatnot”, keep yourself informed. If the person is open to talk about it, then ask them about their disability (and learn to accept when “no” is “no”).
Try to show at the very least the minimal amount of understanding, I’m begging you. It’s not that hard, trust me.
Also, stop being so ableist towards intellectual disability in general. You’re not better than others because your IQ (which is a bullshit concept too) is average or above average.
Edit: it’s okay to reblog this post if you want to.
