#jaehyun oneshot
— YOU GOT ME SICK!
pairing: jeong jaehyun x reader
genre: fluff | wc: 0.4k | disclaimers: none
[ : ]
you wake up to a sore throat, and stuffy nose. while you attempt to get out of bed, you feel your head pound. with a groan, you rush to your kitchen to grab a thermometer from your drawer. you place it in your mouth, crossing your arms knowing well who has gotten you in this current position. interrupting your thoughts, you hear a beep from the thermometer. whispering to yourself soft prayers for a mild flu while you take it out of the side of your mouth to see your temperature.
101° .. oh he’s so dead.
as if the gods heard your mindless curses to the suspected cause of your flu, you hear a loud knock, and an equally loud sneeze to follow it. you drag your feet towards the front door, wishing you could simply turn a blind eye from the door. but, it was such an obnoxiously loud knock, you weren’t able to ignore it even if you wanted to. just as you open the door, you’re met with your boyfriend, jaehyun. he’s covered in a big blanket and a red nose. before you can say anything, he grumbles at you.
“you got me sick!” he turns away for a mere second to cough into his arm.
you scoff at his accusation. “me? i didn’t get you sick, you got ME sick! you’re the one who was coughing way before i even came over yesterday!” you cross your arms, looking up at him with a piercing gaze.
jaehyun rolls his eyes at you, softly pushing you to the side, making his way into your apartment. as he takes out the bag he was holding covered by his blanket, he places it down on your kitchen counter, sitting down on one of the barstools. your eyes soften as you watch him open the plastic bag. it was two cups of warm soup and packs of medicine tablets for both of you to take.
you walk over to your boyfriend, smiling at him as you give him a light peck on the cheek. “thank you love, … but you’re the one who got me sick!” he quickly turns his head in your direction, sending you a glare after he notices the teasing glint in your eyes.
“oh shut up! take your soup now or else i’m sneezing on it!”
a/n: sorry if i’ve been a bit more inactive than usual!! psssst writing block >__< but, thank you for liking my works :] i hope u are having a good night/day xoxo
© jjaehyuk, 2021. all rights reserved.
— THE CITY!
pairing: jeong jaehyun x reader
genre: fluff | wc: 0.9k | disclaimers: none
“y/n! y/n!” you open your eyes to see your boyfriend’s excited face looking down at you, lightly shaking you awake. your eyes wander over to the window, seeing pitch black. yet, as you trail back to jaehyun, he’s changed out of his pajamas — actually in a plain white tee and jeans. you look at his free hand, seeing his keys held loosely in between his fingers.
“ah, you’re finally awake! get up and get changed! let’s go to san francisco!” he smiles at you excitedly. rubbing your thigh lightly, in hopes to persuade you to get up faster.
“san francisco? but, isn’t it..” you extend your arm to grab your phone, squinting at the bright light as you read “1:42am” you look back up at your boyfriend, with confusion written all over your face. “.. almost 2am?”
he smiles sheepishly at you, softly swaying himself back and forth.
“well, yes.. but wouldn’t it be so fun? a late night drive, listening to music in the car, walking around the streets, taking pictures of the moon? if you’re hungry, we’ll just stop by a convenience store! baby, pleeeaseee? we can watch the sunrise at 6am!”
you sighed, he always knew how to convince you — even when your bed was screaming at you to come back. you look at him for a mere second, then nodding as you lazily get up.
“..fine. only because that sounds really fun. you’re lucky i took a nap earlier.. but you’re paying for the food!” you give him a light smile, as you walk into your closet. yet not missing his quiet cheers to himself.
he sends you a crooked smile, grabbing your hand as you make your way out of your shared apartment, with small giggles from you both. ready for a night filled with new memories to look back on.
you’re in the car, listening to the songs you both put into your shared late night playlist. moments like these, you were so grateful to have your spontaneous boyfriend by your side. to always help push you to experience life outside of the normal 9-5.
you’re in the car, listening to the songs you both put into your shared late night playlist. moments like these, you were so grateful to have your spontaneous boyfriend by your side. to always help push you to experience life outside of the normal 9-5.
you’re looking out from your window, taking in the bright sparkles in the sky. your aimless thoughts were interrupted as jaehyun lays his hand on your thigh, lightly squeezing it to capture your attention. you turn to the side as jaehyun’s smile grows, his peripherals catching you turn to him.
“our song is on.” that’s all he can say, before you dart your eyes to your phone, noticing a cherished song starting to engulf your ears.
you look back up to see him humming to the song, tapping the side of the steering wheel, lightly head bopping to the music.
he’s so perfect.
nreaching san francisco, you hear jaehyun let out a satisfied sigh. you watch as he parks onto the curbside, getting out of the car to go over to the passenger’s side. you turn over, hearing your door unlock. he extends his hand out, allowing you to gratefully take it. jaehyun locks the door as he brings you onto the sidewalk. you’re both looking around, hand in hand, eyes trailing from the street lights to the sounds of crickets.
“i’m so glad you woke me up to go here today, thank you.” you softly swing your intertwined hands as you continue walking.
jaehyun rubs your thumb in between his fingers comfortingly.“of course, hon. making memories with you is everything to me, really.”
you were about to respond, yet jaehyun drags you onto a bench. looking into his backpack, fishing out his polaroid camera.
“sit! i want to take a polaroid of you.” jaehyun gives you a wink, as he steps back to take your picture.
you giggle lightly, knowing he brings his polaroid everywhere he goes. jaehyun loves photography, and you were his greatest muse. he has a photobook of all of his photos of you, but he keeps it a secret from you until he completes the book.
you pose for the camera while he takes pictures at different angles. jaehyun removes the polaroid from the slot, shaking the photo around to make it dry faster. he looks down at the polaroid, seeing your endearing smile, he almost wants to coo at the photo. but, he holds back. jaehyun puts the photo in his pocket, saving it for later.
the sun was going to rise in a few minutes. jaehyun drives you both to the painted ladies. you’re both sat on the lawn in front of the classic houses. making a small picnic with the snacks you got on the way there from the convenience store. you don’t notice jaehyun as you’re admiring the night sky before the sun rises. but, he’s taking candid photos of your side profile. smiling to himself as he watches your eyes sparkle at the scenery.
you turn to the side to see jaehyun searching for something in his bag, watching him silently, waiting for him to find whatever he needed.
he takes out today’s polaroids, and a marker. jaehyun glances at you, with a light smile. looking back down at the pictures. he starts writing on the white part of the polaroid.
my everything. <3
© jjaehyuk, 2021. all rights reserved.
— AWESTRUCK!
pairing: jeong jaehyun x reader
genre: fluff | wc: 0.15k | disclaimers: none
[ : ]
jaehyun looks up to see you in all of your glory. not too much makeup, but enough to accentuate everything about your appearance just right. jaehyun watched you in awe, no words came out of his mouth. he couldn’t believe that he was even close to lucky enough to have you here with him, walking away from this as a cemented team with a future ahead of you together.
you reach over to his jaw , grazing his jaw with a feathery touch. you stop your hand on his chin, slowly shutting his mouth closed.
“hey hyung, snap out of it!” you hear haechan exclaim with a cheeky smile.
you hear light chuckles from your families and friends around you, causing you to chuckle to yourself.
jaehyun clears his throat, ears slowly turning red as he realizes his jaw dropped over seeing his beautiful fiancée.. in front of everyone he knows.. lee donghyuck, you’re dead meat.
© jjaehyuk, 2021. all rights reserved.
— NEIGHBORS!
pairing: jeong jaehyun x reader
genre: fluff | wc: 0.14k | disclaimers: none
[ : ]
“jeong, leave me alone!” you sigh in frustration, the neighbor won’t stop throwing his basketball over your fence while you’re outside with your dog.
“not until you give me a chance, y/l/n! you know i’m never a quitter!” you can basically hear his smirk in his tone of voice. you always had pushed your feelings for jaehyun aside, it felt as if you guys were polar opposites. so why even take the chance?
“y/n? y/n darlingggg?”
you snap out of your thoughts as your eyes trail over to the fence.
“w-what do you want, jeong?”
you hear his quiet giggles, “i told you already, y/n-ie. i want you!” you can’t help but break into a slight smile, looking down at your hands as you fidget with them. you’re so blessed he can’t see your flustered state.. that would be one hell of a teasing.
© jjaehyuk, 2021. all rights reserved.
SYNOPSIS. while you admittedly didn’t refuse the arranged marriage between you and jung jaehyun, that didn’t mean that you’d allow him to treat you like a doormat. for the emotional distress he had put you through during the months leading up to your engagement party, you ensure that he will pay for the way he had been treating you for the rest of his life.
PAIRING. rich boy!jaehyun x rich girl!reader
GENRES. angst, drama, rich kid!au
CHAPTER WORD COUNT.1452
WARNINGS.none.
TAGLIST. @crescent-iak @ahtisa02@ghostfacefricker6969
[a/n]: lowkey surprised by the number of people actually interested in reading a series that contain no romance fksjfksjfksjf i guess everyone got a petty side to them too haha. send me an ask if you want to be part of the taglist and enjoy this chapter!
← REASON #2 ||MASTERLIST||REASON #4 →
REASON #3
You supposed this was Jaehyun’s way of getting back at you for what you pulled with his parents.
But out of all days he could do this to you, he decided to do it on a day your families had asked you two to spend time together so that the paparazzi could take pictures, who happened to have lunch at the very restaurant on the 30th floor of the hotel you were currently residing in.
You tried not to roll your eyes at the way Jaehyun was smirking at you, almost as if he was proud of his little plan. Sure, that was annoying of him. Not to mention he found a little loophole in your prenup—there was nothing that said that the cheating scandals should only be avoided before the marriage.
You took a sip from your cup of tea as you subtly glanced over at Chaeyoung and the numerous paper bags that laid next to her, all of them from high-end luxury stores. You then looked at the said girl. You didn’t hate her, but rather pitied her instead. Here she was, being with a guy who was never going to be legally single because of your plans of making him suffer.
You didn’t know whether you admired her or found her foolish. You avoided all interactions with her as you actually felt awkward towards her. As if having lunch wasn’t awkward enough, Chaeyoung was having lunch with the woman who was marrying her boyfriend and that happened to be you.
“Lunch is on you, right?” Jaehyun said with a raised brow. “Since you’re the one who invited us out.”
You snorted into your cup. “Your mother was the one who forced us into doing this, actually. I wouldn’t mind paying for now, but should I bill it to your place after? Your mother wouldn’t want to know that her son forced a lady to pay for lunch, wouldn’t you? Especially not when that lady is her future daughter-in-law.”
“You’re despicable.”
You scoffed. “That’s rich, coming from you.”
“I can pay for myself.”
Both of your heads turned to Chaeyoung who spoke up for perhaps the first time during this whole lunch. Then again, all three of you barely interacted. You nodded once and waved the waiter over. The waiter brought over each of your checks. Jaehyun handed over his black card without even taking a glance at how much he had to pay, but you noticed that Chaeyoung’s eyes shifted in panic.
“Just charge everything to my room,” you said to the waiter before getting up from your seated and headed over to the elevator. Your phone vibrated with an incoming message from Yuta saying that he will arrive in the next five minutes or so.
“I didn’t ask you to pay for us,” Jaehyun angrily told you as he followed you to the elevator, Chaeyoung close behind. “We could have easily paid for ourselves—are you looking down on me now that I’ve signed your stupid prenup? You think that my family is desperate for more money?”
God, could Yuta come any faster?
“Jesus Christ, you wanted me to pay and now you’re complaining about the fact that I paid for everyone?” You rolled your eyes and entered the elevator before pressing the button for the main lobby. “Pick a damn struggle already.”
You couldn’t believe you took the time out of your busy schedule to entertain him. You enjoyed these small breaks in your schedule as you usually spent most of your days inside an operation room, but now you were slowly starting to regret asking for a day off.
You immediately stormed off to the exit, hoping that Yuta kept his word and that he was already waiting for you in front of the hotel. But of course by the time you got out, Yuta nor his car were nowhere in sight.
Some friend he was.
“I hope I won’t get to see you again for the rest of the week,” Jaehyun said to you. “Seeing you once a week is more than enough.”
You flipped him off without even sparing him a glance as he walked away to get his car. You weren’t sure if it was because he wanted to avoid you or he truly didn’t ask for valet parking, but regardless, you were grateful that you didn’t have to spend any more of your time with him. Truthfully, you had no idea how you even came to like Jaehyun, considering how nasty his personality was.
“You know, Jaehyun’s actually a very nice person,” Chaeyoung said from your side as you two waited for your respective rides on the hotel’s curbside. “But it seems like you bring out the worst in him.”
You raised a brow at the slight condescending tone behind her voice, but kept your eyes firmly on your phone as you didn’t want to give away your true reaction. While you didn’t appreciate her tone, you kept reminding yourself that it wasn’t Chaeyoung’s fault that she was in this position.
“Yes…” you replied coolly. “It seems that he brings the worst in me, too.”
A pregnant silence ensued before it was broken by Chaeyoung.
“You know, I could have paid for my lunch myself.”
Your brows furrowed. “I don’t think I’ve ever questioned your ability to pay for your lunch.”
“And whatever you pulled last time, at my workplace,” she continued, ignoring your words. “That wasn’t very nice of you.”
Your patience was wearing thin. While, admittedly, the way you treated her was certainly not befitting of you, you also couldn’t stand the way she spoke to you, as if she was better than you. Here, you were feeling just an ounce of pity for that girl—you were even considering, perhaps, befriending her. But her holier-than-thou attitude she was sporting was getting on your last nerve.
“Well, the tone you’re using right now to speak to me isn’t very nice either,” you replied snarkily. “So, I guess we’re even.”
“No, we’re not.”
Oh? This was slowly getting interesting. But you still mentally begged for Yuta to arrive faster.
“We’re not the same,” Chaeyoung added.
You huffed through your nose. “Of course we’re not.”
“I’ve worked my way up and wasn’t born with a diamond spoon in my mouth like you.”
While you agreed that you were certainly born with a privilege, you didn’t like that she insinuated the fact that you didn’t work hard for your job and position.
How many times in a row had she insulted you now?
Since you’d lost count, you thought to yourself that you held yourself back enough for her sake.
“It’s pathetic of you to lock Jaehyun down like that with an arranged marriage,” Chaeyoung continued. “You- you could have any man you want, so why choose someone who is already taken?”
You crossed your arms as you ponder her question. You didn’t understand why she was so intent on painting you as the villain of the story. The only possible and logical explanation was that Jaehyun must have not given her all the story’s details. You refrained yourself from laughing out loud at the realization—what else was Jaehyun hiding from his girlfriend?
Right on time, Yuta’s shiny black Aston Martin Victor came in sight and you evidently sighed in relief, glad to be rid of this situation.
“I believe you just answered your own question,” you replied to her with a small smirk just as Jaehyun’s silver McLaren Speedtail arrived right behind Yuta. “Why, exactly, do I want to marry Jaehyun when I can have any man I want, as you said? But, I think you should ask yourself, why Jaehyun would even want to marry another woman when he has a girlfriend?”
“T-that’s because youlike him!” she exploded. “Youforced him into agreeing to the arranged marriage.”
You tsk-ed and shook your head, before opening the door to Yuta’s passenger seat. “Don’t you know that it takes two to tango?”
You immediately shut the door, not allowing Chaeyoung to retort. You believed that you let her speak too much, and the whole conversation you just had with her gave you a massive headache. Yuta snorted at how you were rubbing your temples, but chose to ignore the elephant in the room (which was the lunch date you had with Jaehyun and Chaeyoung).
“So, when are you going to move out from the hotel and move back in again with your family?” he asked, instead.
“Why?” you mumbled. “You don’t want me in your hotel anymore?”
“You know that’s not why.”
You shrugged nonchalantly. “Not anytime soon,” you answered. “I still haven’t punished them enough for this arranged marriage.”
← REASON #2||MASTERLIST||REASON #4 →
SYNOPSIS. while you admittedly didn’t refuse the arranged marriage between you and jung jaehyun, that didn’t mean that you’d allow him to treat you like a doormat. for the emotional distress he had put you through during the months leading up to your engagement party, you ensure that he will pay for the way he had been treating you for the rest of his life.
PAIRING. rich boy!jaehyun x rich girl!reader
GENRES. angst, drama, rich kid!au
CHAPTER WORD COUNT.1643
WARNINGS. mentions of drinking, female!reader on a war path.
[a/n]: thanks everyone for their interest in my drabble (now titled reason #1)! thanks to that, i decided to make this into a small series comprised of 10 short chapters, hopefully all under 2k words. do note that there will be little to no romance for this series. i’ve always wanted to write a story from the “antagonist” pov, so here’s my first attempt at it!
← REASON #1||MASTERLIST||REASON #3 →
REASON #2
The engagement party was a drag and it took a toll on you emotionally. While you barely remembered what exactly went down as you drank more than you could handle, you distinctively remembered that you somehow came out with a goal from that party, and that goal was to make Jaehyun’s life a living hell.
Despite the engagement, there was still nothing concrete about it. Your family had a verbal agreement with Jaehyun’s, but that wasn’t enough for you to actually proceed with the marriage. So, a few days after the engagement party, you invited him and his family to discuss what your marriage entailed. Your family got the gist that Jaehyun didn’t want to marry you, but they didn’t know the exact reason for it. Luckily for the Jungs, you spared your parents the details and told them that you’d handle it yourself this time, to which they thankfully didn’t object.
Af if God knew of your plans, the restaurant Jaehyun’s parents picked was the one where his girlfriend worked. You didn’t know if that was karma working for or against you. Nonetheless, even if you weren’t the one who picked it, it wouldn’t change Jaehyun’s opinion of you, so who cares?
“Let me tell you how Mr. Jung and I are so ecstatic of your engagement to our son!” Jaehyun’s mother gushed to you as his girlfriend was serving red wine to everyone at the table.
You ignored Jaehyun and his girlfriend the whole time and pretended that they weren’t there. In any case, you didn’t need to look at him to know where he was or how he felt about the situation; the smoke coming out of his ears were enough.
“I’m afraid that this dinner isn’t what you think, Mrs. Jung,” you replied as you motioned your family butler to hand you your briefcase.
“Please, we’re about to become a family, call me–”
You slid a few papers onto the table. “This is the prenup that my family lawyers drew up,” you cut her off and then took a sip of the red wine.
You grimaced at how gross it tasted and motioned Jaehyun’s girlfriend—what was her name again, Chaeyoung?—with a flick of your wrist. “Get me a bottle of Château d’Yquem.”
You didn’t fail to notice the flash of annoyance in her eyes. You relished this moment even more, as sadistic as it sounds.
“A prenup…?” the older lady then said, shocked. “I- I don’t understand.”
The look on the three of their faces were worth the effort. Mr. Jung looked fuming, his wife evidently devastated, and Jaehyun looked like he was going to burn a hole through your skull by the way he was glaring at you.
“Well, you honestly can’t expect me to marry your son when he, well,” you glanced at Chaeyoung subtly as she poured your wine with a frown, “comes with quite a baggage.”
“I can assure you that my son has cut all ties with that girlfriend of his,” Jaehyun’s father gruffly stated.
You almost snorted into your wine glass. How shameless of them to force their son into an arranged marriage with a complete stranger when they knew that he had a girlfriend? And you wondered if they knew whether that that girlfriend of his was the one serving them right now. If that were the case, you had to ponder whether this was a deliberate move on their part or not to bring you to this specific restaurant.
“Oh, and the prenup isn’t the only thing,” you continued. “There are more things for him to agree to.” You gave them a half-smile. “You know, just to protect myself from future liabilities.”
Along with the prenup were a list of conditions that they had to agree to, if they wanted this marriage to move forward. Your demands were pretty ridiculous, but not ridiculous enough that they would straight-up reject them. You weren’t dumb, you knew there was more to this marriage than the two families wanting to join together.
Your mother was a famous socialite while your father’s side of the family owned a couple of private hospitals, known for providing the best healthcare in the country. Jaehyun’s family, on the other hand, was known for being in the pharmaceutical industry. A partnership between the hospital line and a pharmaceutical line would certainly be beneficial, especially for the Jungs.
Not to mention how your family’s net worth was around $1 billion, and Jaehyun’s was worth half of yours—in the $500 million, last you checked. While they certainly had a lot money of their own, it wouldn’t hurt to protect yourself and well, to also hurt Jaehyun’s pride in the process. Two birds, one stone.
It was only too bad Jaehyun was such a dick to you.
“If Jaehyun was caught in a cheating scandal, the settlement our family will have to pay–” his mother scanned the document and screeched. “This is ridiculous! How dare you ask us–”
“Well, of course, the same applies to me,” you reassured her nonchalantly. “If anything, I don’t care if he has mistresses on the side—as long as he doesn’t get caught by the media and drags my reputation to the ground. I’m afraid that’s going to be a little bit hard to get back to. Cheating scandals are fine and all since we can always refute them, but oh, if he gets someone else pregnant,” you tipped your wine glass to them, “thatwill certainlybe a problem.”
A moment of silence as the parents looked at each other, not even considering Jaehyun’s opinion or feelings at all. While the two elders were busy whispering amongst themselves, you smirked at Jaehyun, happy with the development of things.
“Oh, and of course, if Jaehyun signs this agreement,” you said and pulled out another document from your briefcase and slid it over. “Then, here’s the partnership agreement you’ve previously spoke about with my parents. And I can assure you that the terms are much better than the ones you previously set with my parents. My father’s and grandfather’s signatures and seals are, of course, already on it. Feel free to send it to your lawyers to authenticate everything.”
Of course, you ensured that your family wasn’t on the losing side of the partnership, but you also had to make sure that your offer was enticing enough for them to sign it. And surely enough, they gobbled it up.
“Get me a pen and my seal stamp,” Mr. Jung quickly conceded.
“Father–”
“You shut your mouth!” he shouted at Jaehyun, surprising even you. “You almost ruined our family with that little girlfriend of yours, you will not disobey my orders! You will sign this agreement or I will cut you off completely!”
Jaehyun looked furious as ever. His hand trembled as he signed his name on the prenup and then stamped it with his seal, his girlfriend witnessing the whole process.
You swore that you were going to make his life a living hell, and you were going to keep your word.
“Lovely doing business with you,” you said with a sickeningly sweet smile and shook all of their hands. “I look forward to see what this partnership will bring.”
“It’s only too bad that you’re a doctor,” Mr. Jung replied. “You would have made an amazing businesswoman.”
You smiled politely. “You flatter me too much.”
Jaehyun’s parents finally left and you two were alone in the private room. Your fiancé sighed and ran a frustrated hand through his hair.
“Are you happy now?” he asked with a sneer. “Are you staying here longer to torture me further and gloat?”
You scoffed and sipped at your drink. “Nonsense. I’m also staying because of how expensive this glass of wine costs.”
He rolled his eyes. “A glass of a 1997 Château D’Yquem only costs $1000—you make that every second. Not to mention, my family picked up the tab.”
“Of course they did,” you said with a small snort. “As if they’re going to make their future daughter-in-law pay for dinner.”
“You’re the one who invited us.”
“And rightfully so,” you snapped back.
You could tell that Jaehyun was surprised with your attitude, so different from usual. In a way, it was true yet untrue at the same time. You’ve always been know to be a force to be reckoned with, one to never back down from a fight. Yet somehow a man like Jaehyun was able to knock you off your horse for the past couple of months so it was high time for you to get back on it.
“I said I was going to make you suffer for the rest of your life,” you said as you got up from your seat, and threw your serviette onto the table. “I’m simply holding my word. As you can see, I’m not one to go back on it.”
You walked away from him and Chaeyoung, who had been as silent as ever for the whole duration of the dinner. You even stopped next to her and pulled out a few hundreds before shoving them into the little pocket of her vest.
“Sorry for the trouble,” you told her with a fake smile.
You made sure that your back faced them as you left the restaurant, your heels clacking loudly against the floor. After months of torture, you finally started enacting your revenge.
But this wasn’t nearly enough for you. This was nothing compared to the months of hatred and spite he held against you during the months leading up to your engagement.
Jaehyun hadn’t even a full taste of your fury yet. It was your turn to knock him down his high horse. And you looked forward to the day he will be on his knees, begging you for mercy.
Pairing: Jaehyun x reader
Genre: Angst, but also fluff with a cute ending since this is a comfort fic
- While I did write this with Jaehyun in mind, you can find the other members’ versions here on my AO3 account. Their fics are identical to this one, I just changed the names so it could be about the member you want. -
Length: 3 599
Summary: Ever since you’ve met Jaehyun, it felt like a new light has shone into your life. Even the smallest gestures from him made you feel cared for and loved, a feeling you hadn’t felt in forever. However, you couldn’t help but worry. Worry about the day he would find out your long-kept secret.
Or, in a less poetic way, the day that he’d find out about your self-harming habits.
A/N: This fic is not meant to romanticize self-harm in any way and is mainly focused on the healing aspect of it and overcoming it with another person by your side. There are also no graphic descriptions of it, so I hope it doesn’t trigger anybody. As someone who has experience with this kind of issue, I know very well that there is nothing romantic about this and it’s a serious topic. However, as other fics with this kind of theme have helped me feel better in the past, I wanted to give back to the community and hopefully make someone feel even the tiniest bit better :)
And remember, you are strong, you are valid, you are worth something. Even if it might not seem like it right now, there are many reasons for you to keep going. Life will get better, and all that you might be dealing with right now will only make you stronger in the future.
It was yet another peaceful evening of lounging on the couch, doing absolutely nothing in an attempt to relax after a hard day. The lights in the living room were dimmed down, making the room feel that much cozier. The TV was on, illuminating your lying figure in an unnatural white. It only served as background noise, however, as you were mostly just looking at things on your phone.
You could hear Jaehyun shuffling around in the kitchen, most likely making himself a quick snack after coming back from work a little while ago.
You smiled to yourself as you heard the quiet rustling in the other room. Your apartment used to be so empty, so quiet. Void of life, even with you in it. Colorless. But now, with Jaehyun finally moving in with you, it felt like your home was glowing. Everywhere you went, you would see small things that would remind you of him, even if he was away. His warm hoodie thrown over the chair that he would always beg you to wear. The tall vase full of beautiful flowers that he gave you when he took you out on a date last week. Hell, even just seeing the second toothbrush in your bathroom made you smile.
You weren’t alone anymore. There was someone who cared for you now. A sun that brightened up not only your apartment, but your life as a whole.
Hadn’t it been for Jaehyun, you might not have been here anymore. As dark as that sounded, it was true. It felt as if he was an angel sent to you last minute to give you hope again. The will to keep going.
You still remember those days. Each passing day, you were growing more and more certain that your end was coming soon. With each new mark on your body, you could feel yourself slipping further away. You can still recall that same feeling of emptiness overcoming your heart and soul. That feeling of mindless surviving from one day to another.
Then he came along.
He didn’t know about them. There was no pity in his interest in you. He wasn’t caring just because he would have felt guilty if he didn’t do anything. He genuinely saw you as someone beautiful and interesting.
And that’s what stung the most.
You feared the day that he would find out. When he would finally see you for who you were - someone fake, someone unstable, a liar. You imagined it over and over, a different scenario each time. Will he find out in the summer, when you’re constantly struggling to keep every scar hidden? When you have to keep coming up with believable lies as to why you can’t wear dresses and shorts, like all normal people do? Or will it be by accident? When you’re changing out of your clothes and he walks in on you unknowingly? Or will he-
You could go on and on. There wasn’t a single day where these kinds of thoughts hadn’t occurred to you at least once. And all of them ended the exact same way every time. With him being shocked, angry, and disgusted. With him promptly breaking up with you and leaving you, along with the light he brought into your life. Leaving you in the dull darkness once again.
You felt like you were going crazy, the pressure and fear building up in you each day making you feel like you were drowning.
It had to stop. You had to stop.
And so you did.
You told Jaehyun.
It was about two or three months into your relationship, during one of your usual movie nights. Well, you called it a movie night, but it was more or less just a giant cuddling session, really. It surprised you as well how quickly the two of you have grown close. You would almost never let anybody get that close to you in such a short span of time, so how did you end up like this so soon? And why did it make your heart rush with excitement every time?
You guess Jaehyun just really had that much of an effect on you.
He was perfect in every way. Caring, loving, respectful, patient, oh so patient with you. It took just a single look from you for him to know if you were or weren’t comfortable doing something. And every time you weren’t, he’d just give you the sweetest smile, silently telling you that it’s okay, that he’ll wait for you.
The two of you were lying on the couch, with you resting on his chest and wrapped in his arms. You could tell that he wasn’t too engrossed in the movie you two were watching, noticing his glances at you every now and then. You didn’t mind, of course, it was adorable catching him every single time and watching the faintest blush spread across his cheeks along with a small smile.
But then his hands started to wander. And as they went further and further down, you knew what they were implying. What he was implying.
It was funny, really. Of all the scenarios you’d made up in your head about him discovering your utmostly hidden secret, this wasn’t in any of them.
You were brought out of your thoughts by the feeling of a hand slipping under your T-shirt, cold fingers contrasting your warm skin.
You snapped your head up, looking into your boyfriend’s eyes. He looked right back at you, and you could see that your sudden movement had startled him. His hand immediately retracted from you, fixing your shirt back in place as if to try and correct its mistakes.
“I, uh, I-I thought you were ready, sorry. I should have asked, I know, I really didn’t mean to-”
“It’s okay, Jaehyun, really. I want this as much as you do, I promise. It’s just that…there’s something else that’s keeping me from being truly ready,” you said as you pulled yourself up from him into a sitting position. You tried to keep the rising nerves from shaking your voice, but it was getting harder with each passing second.
“And what is that something, baby? Is it something that I did?” He sat up as well, folding his hands in his lap.
You just shook your head, feeling the pit in your stomach growing. You tried to make up an excuse, but you couldn’t think of anything.
“Well, did you do something? Or did something happen? Talk to me, please,” he said, rubbing your arm comfortingly.
You tried to say something, anything, but no words came out. It felt like your brain was going a hundred miles a second, and you just couldn’t keep up.
You couldn’t handle it anymore.
You broke down in tears, burying your head into his chest and letting his hoodie muffle your cries. ‘He doesn’t deserve this,’ you thought. ‘He doesn’t deserve me.’
Sobs continued to rack through your body, and it felt as if all of the pain you’ve been holding in was coming out at once. You clutched his arms in your hands, holding onto them for dear life.
His own hand had returned to your body, but this time, it just ran over your back repeatedly in an attempt to soothe your cries. The room was silent, safe for the sounds of your labored breathing and muffled sobs.
You could hear his heart beating fast in his chest, only making you feel that much more guilty. You felt bad for him, you really did. He never deserved such a burden.
“I’m sorry,” you muttered after you had finally managed to get your voice under control again. You could feel the vibrations in his chest as he asked you why, voice sounding just as pained as yours.
This was it. No excuse will save you now.
You carefully pushed yourself away from his chest, locking eyes with him again. You tried to look for any clues on how he might be feeling right now, but you found nothing. They were completely unreadable to you, with an unknown emotion written in them. He was waiting.
You sighed. “Jaehyun, I…I’m really sorry. This isn’t your fault. Please, don’t feel bad about anything that you’ve done. You’ve been nothing but amazing to me, and I can’t thank you enough. I don’t deserve you, seriously.”
At that, he opened his mouth to try and argue with you, but you just put your hand up, silencing him before he could say anything.
“Not only do I not deserve you, but you don’t deserve me either. You deserve someone happy, someone who you can depend on, someone who won’t be keeping secrets from you like I have.”
You could see the shock and betrayal on his face, eyes widening at your words.
“Wait, does that mean…a-are you cheating on me? (Y/N)? No, that’s not it, you wouldn’t do that, right?” He asked in a panic, grabbing your hands.
You could feel tears welling up in your eyes again. Fuck. Why the hell would you ever cheat on someone like him? And why does it hurt so much to do this?
“Of course I’m not cheating on you, Jaehyun! I would never do that! I just…” you trailed off, choking on your words. You removed your hands from his, folding them in your lap instead. You wanted to curl up in on yourself and disappear. This was never meant to happen. This shouldn’t be happening.
And yet it is.
“You just what? (Y/N), please, tell me. I need you to tell me so I can help you,” he pressed on, rubbing your knee with his hand to emphasize his point. “Do you trust me?”
You could only weakly nod, feeling your throat constricting and stopping any potential words from coming out. A fresh set of tears spilled down your cheeks, making Jaehyun’s heart break at the sight.
He didn’t speak again, waiting for you. That was the thing about Jaehyun, he always knew that you didn’t need to be asked twice, you just needed a bit of time sometimes.
You winced at the pain of your throat tightening even more when you tried to speak, crushing your spirits even further. And not only were you sitting there, crying in front of Jaehyun, but he looked like he was going to start crying as well.
Deciding to just get it over with and face your demons, you shuffled a bit closer to Jaehyun, taking a deep breath to calm yourself down at least a little bit. With shaky hands, you slowly pulled up your clothes for him to see.
There they were. One of your biggest secrets, taking form in the abstract mess of lines of various lengths, shades, and visibility. Some were faded, some were recent. But all of them were there, staring right back at you to pull you back into reality. This was it.
The silence that followed was deafening.
You were waiting for him to say something, anything, but he stayed quiet.
You couldn’t look him in the eyes. Instead, you kept your gaze on those angry red lines as your heart thrummed in your ears.
“Oh no.”
…
His words repeated in your head over and over again. You didn’t understand. You couldn’t understand. Where was the disgust you were expecting? Or the breakup that you were preparing yourself for this whole time?
“No, no, no no no no. Baby, why…” He trailed off, trying to process everything that he was seeing. “Come here,” he pulled you into his arms, sighing deeply.
You couldn’t move, staying stiff in his embrace.
It was through your rigid state that you noticed the slight tremble in his arms and labored breathing as he held onto you tight, tighter than ever before.
Slowly, you wrapped your arms around him too, pressing you closer together. You stayed like this for a couple of minutes, trying to take everything in. The silence enveloped you again, only broken by Jaehyun’s occasional kisses to the top of your head as he tightened his grip around you.
After a bit, he leaned away from you, making you lift your head up from his chest to look at him. You looked into his sorrowful eyes, giving him a bitter smile.
“We’re going to get you help, okay? We can get you someone to talk to about this, if you want. Someone who knows how to deal with these things. And in the meantime, you can always just talk to me, you know? I’m here for you. I’ll be there for you when you need me, just-” he hugged you right back into him, exhaling a deep breath as he thought about what to say and how to say it.
“Just please, if you ever feel like this, or if you feel even the slightest need to do this again, call me.”
“B-but, I don’t want to bother you…” You mumbled into his chest, heart beating at your words. You’ve never been this honest with anyone before. It was terrifying.
“You won’t, baby. No matter how busy I might be, you won’t bother me. What would hurt me more is if you wouldn’t tell me. I need to know how you’re feeling and what’s making you feel like this in order to help you. So please, can you promise me that you’ll tell me? Pretty please?” His words ended in a mere whisper, looking deeply into your eyes.
You leaned forward into one of the softest and gentlest of kisses you’ve probably ever had. When you pulled back, the two of you just looked at each other again, with you giving Jaehyun a small smile.
“I promise.”
And it was just because of him that you never broke that promise.
It wasn’t easy, of course. Countless hesitant phone calls to Jaehyun followed after that night. Some were relatively short, with only small words of affirmation and a gentle and sincere ‘I love you’ at the end to ease your mind. Others went on for hours, with Jaehyun distracting you by talking to you, the two of you getting lost in each other’s thoughts and ideas. All of the calls did help, however, and you could feel yourself starting to get better once you began opening up to him more. Did it feel embarrassing and scary? Of course it did, but it also helped you realize more things about yourself and your feelings. You started to notice small patterns in your urges. What time of the day they were the strongest, what things or activities triggered them, and so on.
It never really went away, though. Not yet, at least. There were still moments that gave you that strangely addicting tingle in your skin, ones that reminded you of your past doings. Only this time, you resisted them every time. Whenever you looked at your past scars and saw them slowly beginning to fade, you knew you had to keep going. You couldn’t disappoint Jaehyun. You couldn’t disappoint yourself. You couldn’t let the cycle start all over again. So you resisted.
Nothing would have been possible without Jaehyun, however. It was like he developed a sixth sense for it. Every time he noticed your face drop slightly, or the way you were picking at your fingers anxiously, he knew what was going on. And every time he noticed this, he didn’t hesitate to do whatever he needed to make you feel better. Whether that meant subtly changing the topic of your friend group’s conversation or goofing around with you until you were laughing again, he didn’t care. All he knew was that he wanted to see you happy again. And he succeeded every time.
It wasn’t just subtle things like this, though. He was very open about it with you as well, never shying away from the topic. He wanted to make you feel comfortable, after all, and the last thing he wanted was for you to close off again. And so he decided to support you as much as he could, even going as far as checking off every day that you haven’t self-harmed on your little calendar on the fridge. It was a bit embarrassing for you at first, and you couldn’t help but feel a bit like a child, but you soon grew to like it as well. And as you watched the rows of checkmarks growing with each passing day, you were more and more proud of yourself.
And so one row grew into two, then three, ten, twenty…
The soft pads of feet echoed throughout the apartment as Jaehyun walked into the dim living room with a big smile on his face. You smiled back at him, getting up from the couch to hug him, but he stopped you. Confused, you looked up at him.
“Don’t get up just yet, I have something for you,” he said, and it was just then that you noticed the small box in his hands. Curious, you turned off the TV and sat up straight on the couch, waiting expectantly.
He placed the box on the table in front of you before rushing back into the kitchen for something else.
“Don’t open that just yet!” He called after you as he rummaged in the bag he brought home with him.
“I won’t, don’t worry,” you giggled at his antics, feeling a small buzz of excitement coursing through you as you sat patiently.
He returned a few seconds later, holding two small items in his hands. You couldn’t see what they were in the darkness of the room, so you waited for Jaehyun to do whatever it was that he was planning.
He knelt on the floor next to your spot on the couch, giving you a small grin before turning back to the box.
Opening it carefully, he revealed the small cake inside. Your favorite kind of cake, to be exact. Taking one of the things in his hand, which you finally realized was a small candle, he stuck it into the middle. With his other hand, he flicked on the lighter he was holding, lighting up the candle.
The room was now cast in a gentle yellow glow, the flame of the candle swaying slightly.
“Tadaa! Happy anniversary!” Jaehyun said, picking up the box and bringing it closer to you. “Blow out the candle!”
You couldn’t help but be confused. Did you miss something? It wasn’t your birthday, that you knew for a fact, nor was it Jaehyun’s. And you just had your anniversary the other month, so what could this mean?
“Jaehyun, I’m sorry, but I don’t think I understand. What exactly are we celebrating here?” You asked with a small chuckle, looking into Jaehyun’s happy eyes.
“Wait, did you forget? Today marks a year since you’ve last…you know. Since you’ve stopped harming yourself. I thought it deserved a small celebration,” he looked at you with a bashful smile, faint red tinting his cheeks.
However, when he saw the tears welling up in your eyes, he started to panic.
“(Y/N), are you okay? Why are you crying, baby? Wait, you didn’t start doing it again, did you…?” He said in a rushed voice laced with concern. Quickly putting the cake back on the table, he sat next to you, bringing you close as he looked all over your body for any new scars or bruises.
You just hugged him, shaking your head. “No, I didn’t, I promise. I just- this is probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you, Jaehyun. Thank you for being here for me and for caring for me and-”
“Shh, it’s okay, come here.” He whispered, resting your head on his shoulder as he did the same on yours. “You have no idea how proud of you I am. You’ve been so strong and brave this year, and I really admire you for that, you know?” He said, rubbing gentle circles on your back.
You just stayed like that for a while, enjoying each other’s warmth and comfort, until Jaehyun spoke up again.
“And if my endless admiration isn’t enough for you to keep going, you have this cake to motivate you as well,” he said jokingly, making you chuckle with him.
You broke the hug, Jaehyun’s arm still wrapped around your waist as he turned back to the cake. “Do you want to blow out the candle?”
You thought to yourself before speaking again. “Can we do it together?” You asked, a light blush tinting your cheeks. Jaehyun just smiled, intertwining your fingers together as he bent forward slightly.
He squeezed your hand once, twice, and after the third squeeze, you blew out the flame at the same time.
The room went dim again, but you could still see the adorable shine in Jaehyun’s eyes as he turned back to you.
He leaned closer to you, connecting your lips in the most loving and gentle of kisses.
“I love you.”
-
pic credit - jpegfantasy on Tumblr
This is from Y/n point of view and what they are going through now that they have ended things with Jaehyun. After this I promise things will start to get better for these two.
Part of the long term couples series.
“I want you Y/n. There is no one else that I want but you.” Jaehyun grabs your hands trying to pull you in closer to him, but you won’t let him and pull out of his hold.
“You say that now but there will come a time when you won’t want me anymore.”
“You don’t know that. There is no way to know if that will happen or not. Why are you ending everything on a maybe?”
“Let me go Jaehyun, just let me go. We both know that this isn’t going to work,” you cry as you angrily wipe away at the tears that are falling down your face.
Curled up in one of the most uncomfortable chairs known to mankind you shake thoughts of Jaehyun out of your head and work on updating one of your patient files. Your butt had gone numb a good half an hour ago and your neck was cramping but you didn’t move from your spot. One of the reasons was because you were determined to get caught up on all of your files and to be the best grunt that had ever worked at this hospital and two because you were punishing yourself. You deserved to sit in this uncomfortable chair, doing paperwork, and being miserable. Then there was reason three because this chair was facing your hardest patient’s room.
You wanted to be close to them in case anything happened which was silly because everyone including them knew that they were dying and that it was only a matter of time. There was nothing that anyone could do to change that outcome. Yet here you were sitting outside their room like just your presence alone could stop death itself from coming. The reason you felt you had to sit here for them you couldn’t figure out and you didn’t want to dig to deeply into why you felt the need to sit here. You figured that if you did you wouldn’t like the reason why.
“How long have they been sleeping?” Jumping in your chair you look up at your patient’s girlfriend. She comes every day to visit. Today is no different expect for the part that she looks worn. There are dark circles under her eyes and her clothes are wrinkled like she has either slept in them or grabbed the first thing her hand touched and didn’t care what it looked like.
“He’s been sleeping for a few hours now.” You tell her. “How are you doing?”
You pat the chair next to you encouraging her to sit next to you. She drops into the chair her eyes never leaving the man sleeping in the bed across the hall from you two. You look back over at him and then her. She loves him so much you can see it all over her face.
“Alright, he tried to break up with me yesterday or… or he did break up with me,” your eyes widen in surprise. “He said that he didn’t think it was fair that I date someone who was just going to die. That it would be better now to just end things before I get hurt.”
“Can’t you see that I’m trying to end things before you get hurt,” you shout. “We were only supposed to be fuc…”
“Don’t!” Jaehyun almost shouts. “don’t finish that sentence because we both know that we have never been that. We may have said that is all that we would ever be to each other but from the first moment we spent together we have been anything but that.”
“Jaehyun I’m trying to save you from being hurt.” You plead with the man who claims that you have always been more than just a hook up to him. Everything is going wrong you were supposed to avoid all of this. Neither of you were supposed to get feelings.
“To late Y/n, the only ways that you can stop me from being hurt are by not ending things with me or by us never of starting this thing in the first place. And it’s a little too late for the second one.”
“You’ll get over me. You think that you are hurt but by tomorrow you’ll realize that you don’t even miss me.”
“Stop telling me how I’m supposed to feel. You can tell yourself that if it will make what you’re doing to me easier. But I’m telling you that if you walk away from me tomorrow, I am going to wake up and feel pain.”
Biting your tongue, you swallowed the words you wanted to say and push back thoughts of your conversation with Jaehyun. You want to say that you understand where he was coming from. That he thought it best to break it off now while she could still walk away before things got worse, before she got even more attached to him. He was saving her from the pain that he knew was coming, that is unavoidable. But before you get a chance to say anything the girl continues on.
“The thing he doesn’t understand though is that it’s already to late,” she bitterly laughs, “from the moment I met him it was already too late. It doesn’t matter that he ends things now us being together or not isn’t going to make his death hurt any less. And shouldn’t I get a choice in the type of hurt I’m going to go through?”
You didn’t know what to say to that. The fact of the matter was that there was no way he was going to come out of this alive. It is only a matter of time for him. The only question is when will he die. There is no chance for a happy ending for them. There’s no chance of them walking out of this hospital hand in hand. One of them is leaving this place no longer breathing and the other is going to have to go on living. You both hear your name being called and look to see that your patient has woken up. You leave the chair and head over to check them over. You feel the girl’s presence behind you and don’t stop her from coming into the room as well. Once you are done checking him over you leave them alone and return to your chair.
You watch as they talk and your heart squeezes. The conversation doesn’t look like it is going well, and you are about to get up and walk in there when suddenly the boy sits up and pulls the girl into the bed with him. He wraps his arms around her. Her face is pressed tight to his chest and her body is shaking. He runs his fingers through her hair, and you can see tears streaming down his face too. He kisses the top of her head and must be whispering something to her as you see her head nodding occasionally. Eventually she sits up and kisses the boy before curling back up into him.
“Looks like the two of them worked things out,” Tilting your head back you see the head nurse watching the two of them.
“For how long though. He’s going to die, it’s not like they know things are going to work out,” you didn’t mean for that to slip out, but it was something that you have been thinking about for a few days now ever since you ended things with Jaehyun. How could they stay together knowing that it was going to end? How could anyone be with someone knowing that it might not work out in the end.
“For someone who is extremely bright you are dull when it comes to relationships,” If it was anyone else talking to you like that you would have said something but this being the head Nurse and someone that you respected you stayed quiet.
“There is no way to know if a relationship is going to work out. There is never a guarantee. You just have to ask yourself if the person you are with is worth the risk and the possible heartache. Those two seemed to have decided that it’s worth the pain. That all the happiness they can have now is going to be worth the eventual pain that is going to come. And who knows maybe it won’t hurt as much as they think it will.”
The nurse walks away from you leaving you alone once again. You look back over at the couple who are holding tightly onto one another and have tuned everyone else out. Leaning your head back against the wall you close your eyes and let the last moments with Jaehyun wash over you.
“Stay Y/n, stay with me and let me prove to you that we are something worth fighting for. I can’t promise you that you won’t get hurt or that we won’t end. But I can promise you that I will do everything I can to prove to you that I am worth the risk of getting hurt because you are that to me. I want to be with you that I don’t even care that I could get hurt by you.” A sob breaks out and you cover your mouth to stop it. Your body is shaking from trying to keep the sobs in. You’re shaking your head at Jaehyun.
Jaehyun’s shoulder slump and he drops his head in defeat and you know that he gets it now. That he realizes you are not worth it. When he lifts his head back up there are unshed tears in his eyes and he locks eyes with you before speaking again.
“You can walk away. I understand that this is something that you think you need to do, and I won’t stop you. But Y/n just know that even though I am letting you walk out that door I am not giving up on you, on us. I will be here waiting for you, but you have to be the one to come back I won’t chase you. I need you to come back because you want to and because you believe in us.”
“Trust me Jaehyun you won’t want me to come back.” Somehow you manage to say the words without your voice breaking.
“I’ll always want you to come back,” Jaehyun replies without any hesitation. It doesn’t stop you from leaving. You still walk out the door and away from Jaehyun.
A tear runs down your cheek and you quickly swipe it away before anyone can see you crying at work. Pulling in a deep breath you focus on gaining control of your emotions again before you get up from the chair and make your way back into your patient’s room. You thought that the both of them were sleeping but as you’re adjusting one of the monitors you hear the soft deep voice of your patient.
“Can she stay the night? She didn’t get any sleep last night and I don’t want to wake her.” He watches you with hopeful eyes, you give him a small smile and nod.
“How are you feeling?” It was meant to be about his health, but he doesn’t answer it that way.
“Better now that she’s here. Yesterday I thought we would both be better off without each other. I was wrong, I’m better with her by me.”
“I’m glad you’re doing better,” you give his arm a squeeze before walking out of the room. This time you don’t even try and stop the tears. You let them silently fall down your face as you gather up your things to find a quiet place to finish your work where no one will see you in all of your misery.
Jaehyun and Y/n break up and Jaehyun is trying to deal with the fact that you left but he’s finding it difficult.
Part of the long term couple series
Waking up to his alarm Jaehyun reaches over for his phone to turn off the alarm before rolling onto his back to stare up at the ceiling. For the past two days Jaehyun had slept like crap, and he can’t get the thought of you out of his head. When he had returned to South Korea two days ago, he was happy and excited to see you. Now he was laying in bed trying to figure out how everything had gone wrong. He replayed your conversation again in his head trying to figure out if there was something that he could have done differently.
“Jaehyun, we need to talk,” those words made Jaehyun freeze. He could tell by the sound of your voice that it was something serious and fear was gripping him. Ever since he left for his concert in Japan and returned you have been different towards him and now, he was going to find out why.
“Okay,” Jaehyun turns back towards you but keeps a few feet between the two of you. It felt like you wanted that, needed it and he was afraid that if he got to close you would take off on him. “What do we need to talk about?”
He watches as you take a deep breath. Your eyes close for a moment before opening again and it looks like you are fighting back tears. He starts to take a step towards you but stops when you hold up your hands telling him to stay where he is.
“I want us to end things between the two of us.” The words hit Jaehyun like he has been slapped. He knew that you were hesitant about relationships, but he didn’t think that you would end things with him. Not when they had been going so well. Well, they had been until his recent trip.
“Why do you want to end things? I thought things were good between the two of us. But ever since I got back from Japan you have been acting weird and now you want to end things?”
“I think that it would be best if we just ended this now.” Jaehyun can’t understand why you want to end the relationship you keep avoiding the question and he needs to know why.
“Tell me why. Give me a reason why you think we should end this.” Jaehyun demands.
“Because we’re not going to work out!” You shout. “We both know that you are eventually going to meet someone else and want to be with them and me being with you is only going to hold you back.”
Jaehyun couldn’t believe what he was hearing. How could you possibly think that he would want anyone else when he has you? Don’t you get that you are all that he has ever wanted. You are someone who doesn’t hesitate to tell him the truth. You don’t care about his looks, talent, or money. You are the only person besides his members who understand when he needs time to himself or silence. How could you possibly think that he would want someone else?
“I want you Y/n. There is no one else that I want but you.” Jaehyun grabs your hands trying to pull you in closer to him, but you won’t let him and pull out of his hold.
“You say that now but there will come a time when you won’t want me anymore.”
“You don’t know that. There is no way to know if that will happen or not. Why are you ending everything on a maybe?”
“Let me go Jaehyun, just let me go. We both know that this isn’t going to work,” you cry as you angrily wipe away at the tears that are falling down your face.
“Jaehyun are you up? We have to be at the studio in an hour.” Jungwoo voice pulls him out of his thoughts. He hears the quick wrap of Jungwoo’s knuckles on the door before he walks down the hall to knock on the next persons door.
Pulling himself out of bed Jaehyun runs his fingers through his hair and sighs. He doesn’t want to go to the studio. What he wants to do is go to your place and try to get you to see reason and get back together with him. Jaehyun knew that you had doubts about relationships that was obvious from the very beginning when you told him that you didn’t believe in relationships. But stupid him he thought you were changing your mind about relationships. Who didn’t believe in relationship and yet spent almost every night either at his place or let him come to theirs?
Walking out of his room and heading downstairs to get into one of the cars that would take him to the studio Jaehyun saw Yuta and girlfriend walking hand in hand to the elevators. Yuta was smiling down at her as he leaned down to take a bite out of the bagel that she was holding up for him. She then rests more of herself against Yuta as the continued to walk towards him. Going back inside his place Jaehyun waiting a few minutes until he was sure that the two of them were gone. He couldn’t handle riding in an elevator with the two of them.
Jaehyun was jealous of Yuta. The two of them had started seeing their significant others around the same time. The funny thing was that both of them had started to fall for people who claimed they wanted nothing more than casual hook ups. If anyone could understand what Jaehyun was going through it was Yuta. That was until things changed for Yuta, his supposed fuck buddy admitted that they wanted more and the two went from keeping things casual to a full-blown relationship. At first it had given Jaehyun hope that that would be where the two of you would end up. That all came crashing down when he returned to South Korea, and you told him you wanted to end everything.
Finally making it downstairs and into the van Jaehyun noted how everyone in the vehicle was looking at him but no one said anything. Then again what was there to say? They all knew what happened between him and you. Some of them had even heard the two of you arguing and then him asking for you to stay, begging you to let him prove to you that he was worth being in a relationship with. Closing his eyes Jaehyun leaned his head back. When there was a nudge into his side Jaehyun peeked open one eye and looked over at Johnny who was watching him with concerned eyes.
“She’ll come around she just needs some time,” Johnny whispers to him so the others won’t hear. Nodding to get Johnny to leave him alone Jaehyun closes his eyes again and tries to keep thoughts of you out of his head.
“Stay Y/n, stay with me and let me prove to you that we are something worth fighting for. I can’t promise you that you won’t get hurt or that we won’t end. But I can promise you that I will do everything I can to prove to you that I am worth the risk of getting hurt because you are that to me. I want to be with you that I don’t even care that I could get hurt by you.”
The car comes to a stop and Jaehyun doesn’t wait for the others to move before he is sitting up and exiting the vehicle. He has to get out and move. Once out of the vehicle he takes some large gulps of air and tries to shake off the memory that keeps haunting him. A hand lands on his shoulder causing him to jump. Taeyong stands next to him holding him in place letting everyone else file inside before he speaks.
“Go check on her. Maybe it’ll help you relax or just take a walk but don’t come inside. You’re out of it and there’s no point in you trying to record today.”
“I’m sorry,” Jaehyun starts but Taeyong stops him.
“Don’t be. We all have had times where we couldn’t work. Go do what you need to and if your ready we can record your part tomorrow.” Taeyong gives his shoulder a squeeze before leaving him.
He doesn’t mean to go to your place of work. When Taeyong had suggested that he go check on you he didn’t think it was a good idea. He was going to just walk back to their dorms, but he found himself walking towards the hospital that you worked at. He found you easily, he had hoped that he wouldn’t be able to find you and then could walk away with the knowledge that he tried but that it was pointless for him to come here. But there you were in the hallway sitting in one of the chairs, with charts stacked up next to your chair.
You weren’t looking at the chart in your hand but at something across the hallway from you. Whatever you were looking at it was causing you to look upset and you were about to get up when something in the room must have changed. You lowered yourself back down into the chair and a look he wasn’t sure how to describe crossed your face. It looked like you were sad but also happy. You jump when one of the other staff stops next to you and the two of you talk before looking back at the room. When they leave you get up and walk into the room that you had been watching.
When you leave the room, your shoulders are slumped and Jaehyun can tell that you are crying. He wants to walk up to you and pull you into his embrace. To hold you close to him and to tell you that it’ll be okay, that whatever is making you upset will pass and that you can let it all out. That he’ll be right here to support you, but he doesn’t. Because he told you that he would let you go, that he’d let you go but would be waiting.
“You can walk away. I understand that this is something that you think you need to do, and I won’t stop you. But Y/n just know that even though I am letting you walk out that door I am not giving up on you, on us. I will be here waiting for you, but you have to be the one to come back I won’t chase you. I need you to come back because you want to and because you believe in us.”
“Trust me Jaehyun you won’t want me to come back.” To him it sounds like you are lying more to yourself than to him. That you’re trying to convince yourself that there is no possible way that he could ever want you.
“I’ll always want you to come back,” Jaehyun replies without any hesitation because he means it. No matter what he knows deep in his bones that he’ll always want you.
It’s Christmas Eve and Y/n is not expecting Jaehyun to be home until Christmas day. But it seems that Y/n is going to be getting an early Christmas present.
Part of the long term couples series but can be read as a stand alone.
Jaehyun quietly unlocks the door to your apartment and toes off his shoes in the entryway before he silently makes his way down the hallway towards your bedroom. He had told you that he wouldn’t be back until Christmas day but him and the rest of his members had been able to wrap up the video shoot early and were back in Korea by Christmas Eve. Jaehyun had thought about calling you and letting you know that he was going to be back sooner than planned but he had decided to wait and surprise you instead.
As Jaehyun makes his way down the hallway he looks into the living room and sees your Christmas tree with the lights on and a few presents sitting under the tree. Jaehyun remember when you had dragged the fake tree out of your closet and told him that the two of you were going to decorate the tree together and you didn’t want to hear any complaining from him. When he was about to open his mouth to protest you quickly shut him down by saying “We are doing this as a couple, and I know it’s lame, but I want to do this.”
That had gotten him to shut his mouth and help you set up the tree and decorate it. Once the tree was done Jaehyun had to admit that he enjoyed decorating the tree and he had a strong feeling that the reason had to do with the person who was standing next to him admiring the work that they had done together. Jaehyun adds his present for you to the rest of the gifts before he turns off the lights and continues down the hallway.
Gently pushing open the door to your room Jaehyun sees you laying on your side, legs tucked up close to your chest, one of your hands is tucked under your cheek. Jaehyun found it cute that you slept like that whenever he wasn’t next to you. As much as you liked to claim that you weren’t a cuddler in sleep you were. Once you started to drift off to sleep you would turn into him and thrown a leg and arm over him. There had even been times when he had woken up on his side with you curled around him face pressed into his back.
Moving to the bed Jaehyun sat down on the side and reached out towards you. He ran the back of his hand down the side of your face causing you to stir. Your face scrunched up in annoyance and your eyes started too slowly open. You looked up at him and blinked away the sleep and confusion at seeing him earlier than you had planned. Jaehyun smiled down at you letting you wake up and get your bearings.
“Hi,” you whisper your voice filled with sleep. “When did you get back?”
“Landed about two hours ago and came here as soon as I could.” Jaehyun told you. You nodded your head in understanding still not fully awake. You scoot over in the bed making room for Jaehyun.
“Lay with me,” you tell him. Jaehyun smiles at you before he crawls into bed with you. The two of you lay on your sides facing one another. You waited about two seconds before you moved right into Jaehyun space.
“I didn’t think I’d be seeing you until tomorrow.” You tell his chest. Your hand starts to trace up and down his side. The touch of your fingertips is so soft Jaehyun can barely feel it and he finds the motion calming.
“We finished early and were able to convince management to let us go home early to be with those we care about for the holiday.” He tells you his voice starting to fade out as he starts to let the tiredness from work and traveling set in.
“I’m glad that you’re here,” you whisper as you notice that Jaehyun is starting to drift off.
“Me too. I was worried that I wouldn’t get to spend Christmas with you,” Jaehyun admits. You snuggle in closer to him and kiss his chest.
“You made it, with plenty of time to spare,” Jaehyun nods his head in agreement.
“Made it in time to spend Christmas Eve with you and then wake up and do Christmas day the right way. Now sleep Y/n otherwise Santa won’t come, and you won’t have any presents to open on Christmas day.”
“You can just tell me that you’re tired Jaehyun you don’t have to make up stories about Santa coming. I’m an adult and know the truth.” You inform him.
“Shh, let’s just pretend for tonight that he’s real and embrace all the magic that Christmas brings with it. Now close your eyes and dream of sugar plums.”
You’re about to tease Jaehyun and ask him when he became such a knowledgeable man about Christmas. But you can see the exhaustion that is written all over his face and how he is fighting to stay awake and talk with you and while you want to you talk more to him and enjoy having him back home you know that you’ll have all day tomorrow with him which is more than what you were originally going to get.
“Alright, let’s sleep and dream of sugar plums,” you stretch up and gently touch your lips to Jaehyun’s “Merry Christmas Jaehyun.”
“Merry Christmas Y/n.” Jaehyun tells you before he drifts off to sleep. You snuggle into him with a smile on your face, eyes closed, and instead of dreaming about sugar plums you dream about yours and Jaehyun’s first Christmas together.
Y/n always wanted to keep things casual between them and Jaehyun. But as they continue seeing one another feelings start to grow and when Jaehyun leaves to do some work abroad Y/n struggles with him being gone and thinks that it might be better to end things.
Long term couples series
Curled up on the couch with Jaehyun’s sweater pulled up over your knees you watch as your phone vibrates across the coffee table. You don’t even have to look at the screen to know who is calling you. It’s the same person who has been calling you for the past three days now and each time they have called you’ve refused to pick up the phone. The last time that you had answered Jaehyun’s call was when he had called to tell you that their plane had safely landed, and they were on their way to the hotel. That was seven days ago.
The conversation was normal and what you had wanted. You wanted to know that he had safely made it to his destination and at the time you were glad that he had called you. It was the rest of the conversation that was bothering you. Before Jaehyun had ended the call he had told you that he was already missing you and couldn’t wait to see you in twelve days. It was a simple statement really and it shouldn’t have you freaking out, but it was. Because with that statement he was telling you what you already feared. He cared about you, and he wanted more.
Closing your eyes tight you lean your head against your knees. What were you going to do? Jaehyun couldn’t fall for you, you were supposed to keep things casual, no strings attached. There wasn’t supposed to be feelings involved. That was the only way that the two of you would come out of this unhurt. Once feelings got involved you knew what would come next. There would be arguments, distrust, jealousy, and then like always heartbreak. The two of you would realize that you aren’t good for one another and that you would be better off without each other and then it would all end. Because you knew, you knew that you were not someone destined to be loved. That had been proven to you countless times over. All you ever did was hurt those who loved you and you couldn’t do that to Jaehyun. You had to end things before he ended up hating you and being really broken by you.
Eventually your phone stopped vibrating and you let out a sigh of relief. It was short lived though as the phone lights up again and started to vibrate. Reaching for the phone you decided that you needed to end things now. It was better this way he was already becoming to mean too much to you and you to him. Answering the call this time you bring it up to your ear.
“Hello,” your voice comes out scratchy and you clear it hoping that he won’t read into the sound of your voice too much.
“Y/n,” Jaehyun sighs and instantly you sink into the couch just from the sound of his voice. Just from hearing him say that one word has you calming down and you’re already rethinking what you are going to do.
“Are you okay you haven’t answered any of my calls and I was starting to worry,” the stress in Jaehyun voice is obvious and you feel guilty for making him worry so much.
“I’m sorry things have been busy at work, and I forgot to call you back.” The excuse is pathetic, and you know it. Jaehyun doesn’t call you out on it and you wish he would. You wish that he would say something about the way you are treating him. But instead, he goes into caring mode.
“Are you getting enough rest and eating well? When is your next day off? You should make sure that you spent that time relaxing,” your eyes start to well up with tears and you have to fight them back. Why is he being so sweet to you? You’ve ignored his calls for days and instead of being mad at you he is worried about your health.
“I’ll be sure to do that. I have a day off in two days,” you assure him. “How has Japan been? How are the guys?”
You fake happiness and trying to steer the conversation away from you and the fact that you have been avoiding his calls for days. Over the phone you can hear voices and can make out the sound of his members. You can hear Marks laugh, Doyoung protesting about something and Johnny making a joke. It makes your chest tight as you hear all of them in the background. You are going to miss them you think. There is no way that you will get to see them once you end things with Jaehyun.
“They’re good. Japan is fine. I’m looking forward to coming back home and sleeping in my own bed. Of having you next to me stealing all the blankets.”
“I don’t steal the blankets!” You protest.
“Yes, you do! Every time we sleep together you cuddle up next to me only to roll away with the blankets wrapped tightly around you and leaving me out in the cold.” Laughter bubbles out of your mouth as Jaehyun continues to go on about how you take the blankets and warmth away from him every night and that is the only reason that you wake up to him curled around you.
“That is the worst excuse I have ever heard on why you cuddle me,” you continue to laugh and for a moment everything is right. You forget about your fears. You forget that you only answered this call to end things with Jaehyun not to talk about blanket stealing.
“Jaehyun get off the phone we have to go on set,” Johnny’s voice filters through the phone and you hear Jaehyun shout back to give him a minute. Then you hear some shuffling and the next thing you know you have Johnny talking to you over the line.
“Y/n! You finally answered his called thank goodness. He was starting to become pathetic when you weren’t picking up,” Johnny informs you and the happiness that you were feeling mere seconds ago vanishes.
“I’m sure he was fine,” your voice comes out flat, but Johnny doesn’t seem to notice.
“He wasn’t he was all worried that something had happened to you, and I think if you wouldn’t have answered the phone today, he would have been on the next plane back to South Korea just to make sure you were okay.”
“No, I wasn’t!” Jaehyun protest, “Give me back the phone so I can say goodbye.”
You hear some more scuffling. Johnny teasing Jaehyun about catching feelings and Jaehyun telling him to mind his own business before he gets back on the phone. The whole-time hearing this you feel your throat closing up. Your mind shouting at you that you have to let him go before you really hurt him. Look at how he felt from you not talking to him for a few days. You need to end things now before his feelings for you deepen and you really hurt him.
“Y/n” Jaehyun calls, and you don’t know if this is the first time, he has said your name or not.
“I’m here,” this time you know that your voice sounds like your about to cry.
“Y/n what’s wrong?” Jaehyun voice softens, and you can picture him moving away from everyone else and hunching his body over the phone to give the two of you some semblance of privacy.
“Nothing! I just…” you can’t do it you realize. You can’t end things with him over the phone while he’s away working. It would be wrong and unkind of you to do. You can’t do that to him not Jaehyun. So, you swallow down what you were going to say and lie. It burns as it comes out and tears start to slip down your cheeks.
“I think I’m just over tired and having you gone is messing with me more than I thought it would,” you tell him as you try to control your tears.
“Don’t cry okay. Just go to sleep and know that in four days I’ll be back, and everything will go back to normal. I didn’t think this trip would make me miss you as much as I do either. But we can talk about it all when I get back. Now get some rest and I’ll talk to you soon.”
Jaehyun hangs up the phone and you let yours slide from your hand onto the floor. Letting yourself finally cry your body shakes and you’re crying so hard that you are gasping for air. You cry because you know that Jaehyun thinks he’s falling for you, but you know that he will soon realize what a mistake it is to care about you. You cry because you want to be the person that he is meant to love and be with him. It all hurts and feels unfair to have met Jaehyun and have him to only know that you and he will never be. That you two can never happen.
