It was quiet. You were almost asleep, drowsing in the warmth of the bed, listening to the sound of your own breathing. You felt the familiar weight around your body, and felt the strong chest against your back. Your skin had been caressed by the soft lips an hour ago, and now those lips were brushing against the back of your neck.
The dim light from the streetlamp shed an orange tone on the room. It has been raining all day, but Javier’s warmth made you comfortable and cozy. You snuggled closer, taking a deep breath in satisfaction. A loud bang made you jump and wince; the noise came from outside, but not far from the house. Javier was already on his feet, his figure stood like a shadow in front of the window.
“Stay down!”
You did as he told you, lying motionless under the covers. Javier was holding onto his gun, while scanning the street. Even in the half lit room, you could see that tipical stern expression on his face that always appeared whenever he was in deep concentration. For some reason, it made you calm. You knew if he payed attention to something like that, nothing bad could happen.
“Kids,” he said finally, and put down the gun, relieved. “It’s all right.”
You nodded and waited for him to come back to bed. When he did, you rested your head on his chest, and he welcomed you in his arms without hesitation. You could feel your heart beating with a thousand miles per hour. You knew that Javier felt it, too.
“It’s all right,” he said soothingly, while gently caressing your back. “I’m here.”
“I know,” you said shakily. “It’s just… ever since…”
“I know, Cariño.”
You fell silent. Even though Javier totally understood, you still felt ashamed. The attack on you had happened only two months ago. Yes, it had been for a while. But at the same time, it still lived vividly in your head.
You shivered.
“Are you okay?” Javier spoke softly, as if he was afraid that his tone would harm you.
You looked up to him. His face was shadowed by the darkness, but you could still make out his features if you really tried. The fuzzy hair, the shape of his nose, the mustache and the soft lips. You chose the lips, pressing a soft kiss onto them.
“Stay with me and I’ll be okay,” you said, feeling absolutely vulnerable. You hated exposing yourself like this. But at the same time, you couldn’t help it. When Javier was with you, you couldn’t hold back.
“You know I’m trying,” he said, reaching for your face and placing your hair behind your ears. “Soon —”
“I know,” you said quickly, because you didn’t want him to believe that you were selfish. Escobar and his men were facing serious danger now, and everyone felt in their bones that the end of his reign was coming. “I meant… I just innocently wish that you could stay a little longer.
You sighed and chuckled at your ridiculous wording.
“Innocently?” Javier asked teasingly. “I don’t know about that.” He kissed you delicately, then pressed soft kisses all over your face. When he pulled away, he took a deep breath as if he wanted to say something, but then stopped.
“What is it?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Come with me to America.”
Silent fell on the room. You chuckled.
“What are you talking about?”
He didn’t respond. In the darkness you couldn’t see his eyes and it drove you mad.
“Javi?”
“They’re sending me back.”
“What do you mean they’re sending you back? Why?”
“I don’t think you should hear it.”
His voice was low and rusty, all the warmth had disappeared from it. You asked cautiously.
“Did you… do something —”
“Bad? No…”
“Illegal?”
He stayed silent and your stomach formed into a tight knot. You reached for his face, cupping his cheek.
“Did you do something… shady, so that you could help more people?”
You felt him nodding. You swallowed. You had seen the news. And you weren’t stupid.
“Is it… something about the Cali Cartel?”
Quiet.
“Javier?”
“Yes.”
“And they’re sending you home for it?”
“Yes.”
“When?”
“Tomorrow.”
“What?!”
You sat up, fully awake, outraged. You looked down on Javier’s dark silhouette.
“Why are you only telling me this now?”
His voice sounded bittersweet.
“Cause I knew you wouldn’t come with me.”
“And?”
“And I didn’t wanna spend our last day with saying our goodbyes.”
“Why?” you asked, hurt. “Cause it’s not your style?”
He stayed quiet for a few second before he answered.
“Yes.”
You felt your throat hurting, you felt your eyes stinging. You turned away, facing the other side of the room. You didn’t wanna cry. But you felt so betrayed. Again.
A hand appeared on your back and Javier sat closer to you, gently pulling you to himself.
“I’m sorry. I thought I was doing something right. I fucked up.”
“You did,” you answered at once.
“It had no intention to hurt you.”
You nodded, but didn’t respond. Simply accepting the thought to say goodbye to Javier was outrageous. You felt incredibly anger in you towards him for keeping this from you. But at the same time, you didn’t want to hold grudges if he really had to leave. And, nevertheless, you felt panic building up inside you, knowing that he’s going to leave. You didn’t want him to leave. You had stayed in this country mostly for him. He knew how to talk to you. He knew how to make you calm, or hype you up. He knew the little things that made you happy, and he knew how to be there for you whenever you needed him. And you needed him. Just as much - and now you surely knew that it was true - he needed you.
“So where would we go?”
You felt him turn to you.
“We?”
“Yes. Where would we go?”
He placed a small kiss on your shoulder.
“Texas.
You shook your head in disbelief.
“Texas. And where would we live?”
“In my family home. Maybe not far from it.”
“And what’d we do?”
He chuckled and kissed your neck, whispering.
“You’d meet my dad. He’d love you. We’d also go to visit all the family. I have some cousin who is about to get married. I’d take you to the weding. Show you off. Then, when no one is watching, we’d sneak out, get in the car, and I’d drove us to a place that I visited a lot when I was younger. You can see the whole city from up there, with the stars abo —”
“When did you get this romantic?” you cut him off. You turned around to look into his eyes. The beam from the streetlamp painted them in the color of chestnut. Around them, wrinkles lined his face. He was smiling.
“Since I really want to impress you.”
You nodded and turned back. You really didn’t know what to do. You came here to start a new life. To find yourself. To leave this all behind again would be… would be…
“But you don’t have to come,” said Javier huriedly. “If it’d be too much… I don’t wanna force you to —”
“I’ll come with you,” you said. It was strange, but you felt it to be right. “But only because it’s you. I doubt that staying here will make any sense if you’re not here with me.”
Javier shook his head in surprise. His lips were parted as if he was breathing in a very careful manner. You loved those lips.
“You’re crazy,” he said. You smiled and kissed him gently, in a was that you had been wanting to do it for months. He melted into the kiss, holding you close to his chest. You pulled him as close as you could, your fingers playing with his hair.
“I love you,” you said, once pulling away. “And what’s another start over for me? At least now it’s with the right person.”
“I love you, too,” he said with a smile, kissing you on the cheek. “And I’d say you’re right, Cariño.”
—
Hey there!
Thank you so much for reading this little mini-series of mine. Feel free to give me your thoughts, and to check out my other storieshere.
Summary:After a lot of arguing, you finally tell Javier how you feel. But what happens after, when you find out who was behind the murder attempt on your life?
“And this is when they broke down the door?” the lady asked while writing in a notebook. You were staring at the table and answered quietly.
“Yes.”
“What happened after?”
“I… uh… I hid in the bathroom,” you voice was shaking and you felt sick. “I closed the door and… uh… pushed the cabinet in front of it. They tried to… break in and… started shooting and kicking the door.”
“For how long?”
“I don’t know,” you said, shivering. “Some time. I held the cabinet from the inside but… they were stronger. But when they kicked in the door they… heard the cars outside. The police, I guess.”
The woman wrote something, nodding. She seemed disturbingly calm.
“And this is when they grabbed you?”
“All right, that’s enough.”
Javier, who had been standing behind you in the corner of the interrogation room, now stepped closer and gently grabbed your shoulder. You fell at ease at once and took a deep breath. The woman looked up, raising an eyebrow.
“We need to get the details of the incident.”
“I can give you the rest,” Javier said impatiently and opened the door. “Come by my office whenever you like.”
The woman didn’t answer. She looked at you but you casted down your eyes. You felt really uneasy. Finally, she gathered her papers and left for the door, but not before she stopped in front of Javier.
“No wonder nothing gets done around here, Peña.”
“What a shame,” he said without the least amount of compassion, then shut the door.
You reached for your glass of water on the table and started sipping it. Javier pulled the woman’s chair over and sat down next to you.
“Are you okay?”
You shrugged, avoiding his gaze. From the corner of your eyes you saw him hesitating, then he reached out, offering his hand. You took it. His warmth made you feel much more safer. You looked at him.
“I’m just trying to figure out how did they know.”
“That the picture is from you?”
You nodded. Javier gently squeezed your fingers.
“At the DEA I am the only one who knew it was from you. And not many people saw the picture itself, either.”
“I know,” you said tensely. “But someone still knew.”
“You didn’t show it to anyone, right?” he asked in an interrogative manner. You frowned.
“Of course not.”
You looked down at your intertwined fingers. You knew that he was just worried, but his stern mood made you uneasy. You were incredibly grateful to him, though. If he hadn’t shown up…
You closed your eyes, trying to calm down. You had to remember. You concentrated, trying to go over the day from months before, when you had taken the photograph. What had happened exactly? You had gone to work, you had taken photos… it had been really warm that day… Danilo had been there as well, asking you out again… after that, you had gone home, but only recognized the men on the photograph a few days after.
You opened your eyes and looked up.
“I went to the police station,” you said quietly. Javier leaned closer.
“Go on.”
“When I had the picture… I went to the police station with it. I didn’t know what to do.”
Javier sat up straight, his face in deep concentration.
“Did you show it to anyone?”
“No,” you shook your head at once, trying to pierce things together. “No, I didn’t… I only…I…”
“What?” asked Javier impatiently. He looked tense. “What is it, Liz?”
“I showed it to Danilo,” you said slowly, frowning. “But he can’t… he couldn’t…”
You locked eyes with Javier and witnessed how he realized the meaning behind your words. His face darkened by the second.
“When was the last time you talked to him?” he asked tensely.
“Yesterday,” you said at once, thinking. “He… He wanted to hang out, he… asked me if I was home.”
Javier looked up, alert.
“He didn’t show up.”
“No,” you shook your head. Then quickly added, “he was supposed to come over later, I’m not sure if… Where are you going?”
“Stay here.”
“Javier!” you stood up, too, standing in his way. “Where are you going?”
“I’ll pay your friend a visit.”
You felt all the blood leaving your face. You started shaking your head vehemently.
“Are you insane? It’s bad enough that I even had the idea to think he did something… What if I’m wrong and he’ll hate me forever?”
Javier stopped and closed his eyes in concentration. When he looked at you again, his face was dead serious.
“You’re telling me that he saw the picture.”
“Yes.”
“And he called you yesterday.”
“Yes, but…”
“He still hasn’t shown up,” he said, cutting you off.
“Yes, but…”
“Liz!”
“We can’t be sure, Javier! If we mess this up… He’s my friend! He’ll never forgive me if I accuse him of something like this!”
“He still needs to be investigated!”
“Please!” You grabbed his arms desperately, “I don’t want you to break down his door and arrest him!”
“Oh, it’s not gonna be just me. I’m calling a team.”
“Please, Javier,” you were literally begging now. “Please, let me call him!”
“So he can realize what’s going on? Hell no.”
“I just wanna talk to him…”
“If you call him, you’ll let him know we’re coming!”
“Then I’ll go over,” you said, determined. Javier’s already stressed face turned even more tense.
“No fucking way. If he had any connection to yesterday’s….”
“Why wouldn’t you just let me —”
“Because I don’t wanna lose you!”
You took a step back in surprise. Javer was panting, his expression angry, his muscles tense. He was clenching his jaw and you could see how hard it was for him to talk in a low voice.
“I am not going to lose you. After yesterday… No way. There’s just no way.”
He opened the door, but before stepping out, he turned back slightly, talking to the floor.
“I’ll call you later. Let you know what we found out. After that, I’m buying you a fucking ticket home.”
He stepped out of the room and turned left on the hallway. You were tearing up. You just couldn’t believe that one of your very small group of friends would betray you. And you knew how hurtful it would be for Danilo, if he found out that you accused him of anything like this. Javier had no right. He had no right doing this. You wiped your tears away and followed him outside, shouting at his back.
“I hate you!”
He stopped, but didn’t turn around immediately. You thought he was going to be angry, but quite the opposite: he looked distressed, almost in agony. His eyes met yours across the hallway.
“I’d rather have you hate me, than be dead.”
Then he left and you didn’t follow him.
——
Through the whole afternoon you sat by the phone in your office. You didn’t want to talk to anyone. Your tears had stopped by then, but the guilty feeling did not pass. You couldn’t stop thinking about Danilo. He had always been so nice to you. He had always been there for you, whenever you needed him. And now, thanks to you, your friendship was coming to a painful end. He had stood by your side when you felt down. He had been there when Javier had not. He… he had promised to come over yesterday… But he had not shown up.
You closed your eyes and took a few deep breaths. You were so confused. You wanted to go for a walk to clear your head. You stood up and left your office, heading outside. However, something stopped you. Around the main office, where Javier’s and Steve’s desks stood, the ususal buzzing of the place was missing. To be exact, there were very few people around.
“Where is everyone?” you asked a passing officer in concern. He looked up, confused.
“On the raid,” he said with an accent. “The Americans requested back up on an arrest.”
You nodded, your stomach shrinking to a size of a nut. The officer went on, leaving you behind. You made a fist and then released it, shaking your hands anxiously. You had no idea what to do.
What was going on? You poured yourself a glass of water and started sipping it. The surface of the water was shaking as you were holding the cup. This can mean a lot of things. Javier requesting back up didn’t necessarily mean that he was in trouble. He might just wanted to play safe. But what if he didn’t? What if something really bad was going on? It cannot be. Please, it cannot be.
But what if it was? What if everything was true, and Danilo did have some connection to the attack on you? He had called, but never shown up. He had not tried to contact you since. And now the whole DEA is there with police back up, and you had no idea what to do.
What if Javier was right? Not even that, but… what if he really was in danger? And the… and the last thing you had ever said to him was that you hated him. You sat down on an empty chair and closed your eyes. Immense guilt was rushing through you. You hated feeling like this, and you hated that you always made statements in the heat of the moment. You hated that you always rushed into conclusions, and there was nothing left after but guilt and shame.
And so you waited.
You had to force yourself not to check the clock every ten seconds. You forced yourself to keep calm, to think about something else. It was horrible, and always had been… waiting for Javier to return from a mission… from a mission that was not guaranteed to be a successful one.
But you didn’t want to think about that. So you waited.
It felt like an incredibly long time had passed, when finally you heard noises and people from around the front of the building. You stood up, rushing through the hallway, heading for the crowd. The first two man you passed were in green uniform, holding a rifle in their hands. The next second you saw a pair of cops, leading someone in cuffs. As you stepped closer, with a painful sting in your heart, you recognized Danilo. You had seen him before he saw you, but when he did, the usual smile and the sparkle in his eyes were missing.
“Danilo!” you tried to get to him, but the cops didn’t let you. “Let me — !”
“Can’t do,” said one of the cops sternly. “Ma’am, please step away.”
“He didn’t do anything!” you said, panicking. The first cop narrowed his eyes.
“Ma’am, he attacked three police officers during his arrest and killed one agent. I order you to let us through.”
“Kill… what?”
But they left, pushing you aside. Danilo didn’t even look at you, he kept his head low. You wanted to scream. You wanted to run after him, making sure he’s okay. But then the words of the officer slowly crawled into your mind, and you stepped back, trying not to faint.
Killed one agent.
You sprinted down the stairs, running towards the entrance, where you knew the arriving task force would be. Your heart was beating rapidly and you started to feel sharp pain in your chest. You were looking everywhere; every passing agent, every arriving officer… but none of them was him. You started panicking and ran outside to where a lot of cars were still arriving.
You stopped for a second, until you were able to take a deep breath. Then, you started scanning through the crowd, stumbling uncertanly among the people. You were sure that they would take the injured to the hospital. What about the dead? Where would they take the dead?
You couldn’t take it anymore. Panick and fear made your heart race, and blood was throbbing in your ears. You started running again, more desperate and scared with each passing second. You couldn’t breath. You couldn’t see. He was not there. He was not there.
And then he was.
“Javier!” you screamed and started running. He didn’t hear you. “Javier!”
He turned around just in time to catch you, crashing against his chest. As soon as you wrapped your arms around him, all the fear and panick left your body. With relief came the tears; you were sobbing into his shoulder while Javier firmly pulled you to him, his strong arms around your back.
“Hey…” he said gently, and you heard the worry in his voice. “It’s okay…”
“I’m so sorry!” you sobbed, hugging him as tight as you could. “I’m s-sorry! I don’t hate you!”
“Oh…” he said in a surprised tone. Then, he gently brushed his fingers through your hair. “That’s good to hear.”
You pulled away from him, but only to look into his eyes. He seemed confused, distressed… sad.
“I don’t hate you,” you said again.
“I know,” he said, his brown eyes full of kindness and care.
“I love you,” you said, without thinking.
It happened faster than lightning, and his lips were on yours, his hands still on your back, pulling you closer and closer. You melted into his arms, taking in his smell and the taste of his lips on yours. Adrenaline was coursing through your body once again, but this time you craved it. And you were holding onto him as well, wanting more and more. You felt safe. You felt free. And you were happy. Once his lips left yours, you didn’t back away, and neither did he. He placed a small kiss on your cheek, then one on your forehead. You raised your head to meet his eyes. Finally, you smiled.
“Fucking finally,” he said, his voice unusually warm. You smiled and gently caressed his cheek, feeling stubble under your fingers.
Then, the bubble around you burst, and you were aware of your surroundings again. People were still talking around you, and there was still something left to do. You casted down your eyes.
“Who died?”
Javier clenched his jaw. He looked away, chewing on his tongue, then answered with his eyes narrowed.
“Juarez.”
You nodded. You had barely seen the guy, but it was enough to make you feel sick. You locked eyes with Javier.
“I need to talk to him.”
“That son of a bitch was about to escape when he started shooting people. There’s no fucking way I’ll let you go in that room.”
“He’ll be in cuffs,” you said. “Please. He might talk to me. I need to know what happened.”
He was thinking for a long time, but you didn’t give in. And Javier knew you wouldn’t. He nodded slowly, chewed on his tongue a bit more, then said:
“I’ll be on the other side of the door. And you won’t go near him. No contact. You’ll only talk.”
“Okay,” you said quickly, agreeing before he’d change his mind.
“And if I say time’s up, if I say he’s about to play rough, you come out. Immediately.”
“Yeah,” you said, suddenly eager to act. Javier nodded.
“Fine. Let’s go.”
Once inside, Javier lead you to the room where you first met him, the day you had come in with the photograph. You stopped uncertainly before the door, eyeing the two guards standing in front of it. You felt Javier’s hand on your back.
“You don’t have to go in.”
“I want to,” you said, feeling detemined but anxious. Javier nodded.
“I’ll be here. You’ll have around ten minutes before we need to properly question him.”
You took a deep breath and grabbed the doorknob. You opened the door slowly and stepped inside.
Danilo was sitting by the table, his hands tied together. As you closed the door and took a few steps towards him, he looked up.
“Hi,” you said, feeling shy and nervous.
“Hi,” he said indifferently. You were unsure where to start. You were also unsure whether you wanted to start at all.
You took one step closer, but stopped. You felt Javier’s invisible eyes on your from behind the door.
“Are you here to help me?” asked Danilo. His usual warmth was missing from every word he said. “Or are you here to question me?”
“I’m here to ask you the truth.”
“The truth.”
He raised his eyebrows. He looked like a completely different person as he leaned back on his chair, coolly, dismissively.
“The truth is that I’ve asked you out twenty seven times. Did you know that?”
“N…no,” you said uncomfortably. You were not sure where this was going.
Danilo shrugged.
“I could’ve protected you.”
“What are you talking about?”
You felt extremely nervous. Danilo’s strange behaviour made you uneasy as hell.
“You should’ve just given me that fucking picture. But you had to run to the DEA, didn’t you?” he chuckled darkly, then his cold smile faded. “You had to run to that fucking Peña.”
He spat. You jumped in shock.
“You said a lot of cops were dirty,” you started, your voice shaking. You didn’t want to believe what was happening. “D…did you mean yourself?”
“I never lied to you, did I?”
You felt the whole room spinning.
“I can’t believe this,” you said, tearing up. “You… Did you mean yourself?!”
“I could’ve protected you,” you mumbled coldly. “I could’ve given you a good life.”
“We… we were just friends.”
He stared. He stayed quiet while he looked you up and down, then leaned forward and started speaking very fast.
“Should’ve been more. Liz, you were always so self-absorbed, you didn’t even see the possibilities we could’ve had. Through my connections… With you by my side…”
“You’re crazy,” you blurted out. Danilo didn’t like it.
“I am the crazy one? You stayed in the country, despite the fact that the whole fucking cartel was after you!”
“You knew about that?” you asked, stunned. A horrible thought occured to you. “Did you know about the attack on me as well?”
Danilo shrugged while not taking his eyes off you.
“Who do you think told them where to find you?”
You gasped for air while your brain was trying to process this information.
“All… all because I didn’t go out with you? All because… how can you… I trusted you!”
He slammed the table so fast it caught you by surprise. He stood up, kicking his chair behind, his face furious.
You never heard what he wanted to say. The door on your right opened, and Javier appeared with Murphy by his side.
“All right motherfucker, calm down,” said Murphy, pointing at him from a distance. He kept his other hand on his belt, ready to grab his gun.
“You okay?” Javier stepped to you, gently cupping your face. You needed a moment, but then nodded.
“Yeah. Let’s get out of here.”
And fighting your tears, you left the room, ready to never see Danilo again.
Summary: Even though they admitted their feelings, Liz and Javier don’t talk, until one day when she needs him more than ever, when her life is in danger. Will Javier be able to save her?
Warnings: Cursing, Blood, Death, Angst, very little fluff at the end
It was stupid to think that Javier could ever feel the same way about you. You despised your naive thoughts and hopes, and you absolutely hated how hurt you were. You were not supposed to feel like that. You knew he didn’t deserve it. You knew it had been a pipe dream, you knew you had just been a toy to him, and you knew that he wasn’t into you. Maybe to fuck, sure. You knew his ways. But you also knew that you didn’t want to involve him in your life anymore.
However, Javier thought otherwise. He made extra effort to talk to you every single day. He was always waiting for you in your office, determined to talk to you, desperate to explain, to make it right. You were sick of it, especially since you craved those times when you had spent hours together. But you stayed strong, even on those days when you wanted nothing but fall into his arms. You wanted to give in so bad… but what stopped you was the things you had seen. You had watched Javier charm other women to get what he wanted… it was just his way of doing things. A slight touch on the arm, the cupping of the cheeks… eventually they had all given in.
But you were too ashamed. You felt humiliated. So you stood your ground. Until the next Wednesday, when he caught you off-guard while you were looking for some old negatives in a room full of useless old files.
Your eyes went wide as you saw him standing there. He was wearing a light suit and tie, but his hair was all messed up. He closed the door and with a stern expression on his face, he pointed a finger at you.
“I’m ending this bullshit. You won’t let me come clean for weeks now.”
“Well, maybe that’s because I don’t want to hear whatever you want to say,” you said, taking a step back.
“At least give me a chance.”
“I don’t want to,” you said, determined to end the conversation. Javier took a step closer.
“Liz… please. I…”
“I don’t care,” you said loudly and clearly. His pleading eyes broke your heart.
“Leave me alone Javier.”
He suddenly narrowed his eyes.
“Why do you care so much?”
“Excuse me?” you said, questioning him. He chewed his tongue, thinking.
“Why is what happened such a big deal for you?”
You felt really uncomfortable. You tried to keep your reaction to the minimum, but it was hard.
“I couldn’t care less about what happened.”
He snorted.
“Liar.”
“What the —”
“Do you feel something for me?”
“What?” you said, now alarmed. Javier was intensely locking eyes with you. You stepped back, hitting the edge of your table. There was no way out. “Do you feel something for me?” he said again, this time barely louder than a whisper. His eyes were full of hope and pleading. Once again, you found yourself longing for him, not wanting to do anything but kiss those beautiful lips so close to yours. You had to gather every strength to answer.
“No.”
You wanted to look away but he didn’t let you. His eyes kept yours as their prisoners, and there was no escape. You became very conscious of your breathing. It was hard to breath. Javier closed the distance between the two of you, leaving only an inch of space. He seemed determined, but uncertain at the same time. He was still whispering when he spoke.
“What if I do?”
“What… What do you mean?” you said, barely able to form the words. He was just… so close.
“What if I… feel something for you?”
The question hang in the air. Javier glanced at your lips. It was a quick glance but you didn’t need more. You pushed him away in rage and shouted.
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
He looked shocked.
“What is wrong with you?”
“Do you seriously want to tell me, that you have feelings for me? After what you’ve done?!”
“I thought you didn’t care wh —”
“Oh, shut up, of course I care!”
“But you said —”
“Of course I have feelings for you!” you said, totally letting down your guard. You just didn’t care anymore. Also, you were extremely angry. Javier, however, lit up.
“So you’ll say we can… you know.”
“You cannot be serious,” you said, shaking your head in disbelief. Javier frowned.
“Why? What do you want from me?”
“I don’t know, maybe don’t bring a hooker next time when I’m coming over.”
You went around him and headed for the door. He called after you in despair.
“Liz, come on, I’m… I’m really sorry about —”
“You’ve hurt me, Javier,” you said, looking over your shoulder. “You had feelings for me, and you were still fucking around… I feel awful. I just wanna forget that we ever met.”
“Can’t we try again?” he asked hopefully, casting down his eyes. You shook your head.
“You really are an asshole.”
And with that, you left.
——
Javier didn’t look for your company anymore. You missed him immensely, and you couldn’t stop thinking about what he had told you. But at the same time, your pride was bigger and your urge to forgive, and that made it really hard to just go up to him and talk about what happened. So you didn’t talk at all.
Instead, you spent most of your freetime alone, or with Danilo. It wasn’t as easy being aound him than it was with Javier, but you were fine. It helped to have some company, especially since you felt as if you were back on square one, considering the friendships you had made since being here.
“How about I’ll come over later?” Danilo asked on the phone. You rolled your eyes, but didn’t mind that much. “Will you be at home around six?”
You looked at the clock, it was a little after five. You nodded.
“Sure. Sounds good.”
“All right. See you, then.”
You hung up the phone and took the Spanish dictionary to finish a homework you had for the weekend class. It was nice, learning new things. You just wished that life was easier, and you would be able to concentrate on this thing. You constantly forgot what you were doing; all you could think of was the emptiness in your stomach, that couldn’t be filled with any kind of food.
You went to the kitchen and poured yourself a glass of water, when you heard it. A car stopped in front of your house, its tires squeeking on the concrete. You raised your head in suspicion and looked at the clock; it was too early for Danilo to arrive. You went to the windows and peaked from behind the curtains. Outside stood a huge, red car; next to it two men in dark clothes. Both of them was holding a rifle.
Alone.
Your first thought was that you were completely alone. You were going to die, and a strange calmness came over you. It felt weird. It felt strange, knowing that this was the end.
Then, as the adrenaline kicked in, your limps started shaking and your brain froze. The fog of fear blurred your mind, and you wanted to run, you wanted to hide, but you were stuck there, looking out the window, unable to move. You watched as the two man walked up to your front door and said something to each other. You forgot to breathe.
As one of them raised his hand to knock on the door, something hit you and you were awake. You stumbled over to the phone, dialing the first and only number that came to your mind. You messed up three times because of your shaky fingers, and while you were struggling with your tears and your breathing, you heard that downstairs the door was kicked in.
There was dialing, and when you heard his voice, you actually started to cry.
“Peña.”
“Javier!” you sobbed, trying to talk as understandably as you could. It was really hard. “They’re here.”
——
Javier had never been more terrified in his entire life. The technical team behind him was ready to fight, but he had no idea what would wait for him when he arrived at your house. He drove like crazy, almost running over a couple of kids crossing the street. He honked at them angrily and cursed like a maniac. No one in the car said a word.
He thought about the last time you two had spoken. He remembered the shame and the anger in your eyes, and he remembered how guilty it had made him feel. He also remembered how horrible it had been when you had been giving him the cold shoulder. He had wanted to talk to you for so long… he had been waiting for your call… but not like this. Not with your life in danger.
He couldn’t help it. Just a for a second, but he imagined what would happen — no. No, this couldn’t be happening. It won’t be happening. Not, if it was up to him.
The only problem was, that it was not up to him.
He drove on. He had never been a praying man; but now his hands were trembling as he squeezed the wheel, and he found himself silently begging to anyone who would listen.
He turned right on your street and pushed the gas with enormous strength. The houses flew by the car, and finally, at the end of the street he saw your apartent window. In front of the house, a red jeep was standing. They were still here.
He stopped the car, and two other policemen parked theirs behind him. He got out immediately and looked up at your window. His heart was beating incredibly fast, and he had to make a huge effort not to kick in the door and run up to you by himself.
Five policemen joined him, and one of them went up to the door, ready to break in. In that moment, shots were fired upstairs, and everyone ducked. A man was standing in the window with a rifle, shooting at one of the cars. Javier, with many others fired back, but the guy disappeared behind the wall.
“We’re going i —!” Javier shouted, but was cut off by a terrible scream. His whole body froze, and fear started eating his heart. He felt like he was gonna throw up. It was you, screaming.
Another man came back to the window, but was shot immediately and fell down to the pavement. Javier heard the bones crack, and he knew that there was one problem less. He tried to focus, wanting to make a run for the entrance, but in that moment the door opened, and two people appeared in front of him.
——
“I’ll kill her!” you heard the man shouting, and you were sure that you were gonna die. You couldn’t see anything as he dragged you outside, blood, sweat and tears blurrying your sight. All you saw was a bunch of faceless people around you, and all you felt was a cold feeling on your temple.
You sobbed as you felt the man behind you moving, grabbing onto your neck. You couldn’t breath properly, and while everyone was shouting around you, all you could think of was air. You were choking, still backing away from everyone. The red car came to your view, and you whined, but didn’t dare to refuse moving.
There was intense shouting around you and you couldn’t understand a word. You were still fighting for air. At once, the man behind you stopped, and you actually had a moment to look around.
“Drop the fucking gun!”
“Let her go and we’ll make a deal!”
“Drop it!”
“Let the woman go!”
“Shoot me and I’ll kill her!”
The man behind you shouted something and you felt him grabbing you with even more force. You stumbled, almost breaking your ankle. At your head, the end of the ice cold gun was pressing into your bone.
You looked around, looking for him. And then, he was there. It felt as though everything slowed down, and the voices around you got really mushy, not coherent anymore. He was wearing a green vest, holding a gun in his hand. He was looking at you. You had never seen his face so scared, so much in agony before. Your eyes met, and in that moment you realized that you were going to die. You started panting, your tears falling again. And you saw him looking over your shoulder, then back at you, and him realizing as well, what was about to happen.
“Look at me,” you saw him forming the words, and even though you couldn’t hear him, you heard his voice in your head. “Only me.”
You nodded and sobbed, terrified. But you managed. He was holding your eyes, and you let go of everything else. It was only him existing in front of you, Javier and no one else, and you were fine with that. He kept on talking to you while all around you chaos rose. You were captivated by his eyes, and he didn’t let go of yours even for a second.
You knew something was going to happen before it had happened. Javier’s eyes left yours as he looked behind you, and a second after you heard a shot and felt yourself being pushed to the ground. The weight of the man from behind you was gone, but you didn’t dare to look up.
“Liz!”
You felt a hand on your arm and you winced and screamed, and jumped and cried. It was Javier. He was up-close, his face only a few inches away from yours. You turned around vehemently and saw the man on the concrete, his blood everywhere. His gun was fallen out of his hands, a few metres away from where he lay.
You crawled backwards, and Javier held you in his arms. You couldn’t take your eyes off the dead man on the concrete.
“Don’t look,” Javier said, and gently held onto your chin and turned your head away. You felt his hand shaking, and his eyes were full with fear.
You buried your face into his neck, and you felt his arms around you. You couldn’t breathe from the sobbing. You panted and cried, and he tried to caress your back, but it did nothing. You had never felt more scared your entire life. You were glued to him, and didn’t want to move. You were squeezing his shirt in your palm, dirtying it with your blood and tears.
“It’s all right,” you heard him whisper into your ears. He was holding you tight, and he was pressing soft kisses on your temple. “It’s okay.”
You felt him moving and you winced, holding onto him, too anxious to let go.
“It’s okay,” he said, and gently started to lift you as he stood up. “I’m just taking you away.”
He held you in his arms and carried you to an ambulance, which just arrived. He gently placed you on it’s floor, and turned back to look at all the others covering the body and going up to the flat to search it. You reached out and grabbed his hand, panicking.
“Don — don’t go!”
Your voice was barely audiable and it hurt as you spoke. Javier looked at your neck in fear, then tried with a smile and sat down next to you.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said and cupped your cheek as you leaned against him. You grabbed onto him tight, crying, while he was soothing your back. About twenty minutes later someone came to check on you, but Javier sent them away.
You were sitting there for almost an hour. During that time, they examined your house, took the bodies away, and filled a bunch of papers, one of which Javier signed as well.
“We have to ask for your statement,” said one of the policemen, coming over to you. By this time you mostly calmed down - at least the crying was over - but you didn’t want to speak. “Miss?”
“Later,” Javier said, annoyed. He only had to take one look at you. The man nodded hesitantly.
“We need to question her tomorrow the latest.”
“Fine.”
He left and Javier leaned closer to you.
“Do you need anything?”
You shook your head slightly, barely able to pay attention to what he was saying.
“No.”
Your throat hurt as you spoke. Javier gently touched your cheek and made you look at him.
“Maybe you should get some sleep.”
You nodded, your lips trembling.
“I don’t wanna stay here.”
“You won’t. You’re gonna stay at mine.”
The police were finishing up, cleaning up the place. Somebody slammed a door with a loud thud and it made you jump. You shivered.
“It’s okay… I’m here.”
Javier look deeply in your eyes for a second, and you found yourself a bit more relaxed. His gaze calmed you and made you feel safe. You never wanted to look at anything else.
“Can we go now?” you asked, your voice raspy. Javier nodded.
“Come.” ——
Once in his apartment, Javier couldn’t take off his eyes of the bathroom door, behind which you had been washing the blood off yourself for half an hour now. His leg was anxiously shaking. All he could feel was relief, but he couldn’t think of anything else, but today. The way you looked at him while that motherfucker was holding you made his insides boil with anger and fear. Whatever would happen in the future, he knew that he will never forget what happened today.
The bathroom door opened and he stood up, looking at you. You looked absolutely miserable. Your neck had purple markes from the hands of the man and your left cheek was swollen as well. On your temple a slight cut was visible, and on your hands bruises and scars marked the skin. But the worst parts were the eyes. Javier had never seen so much sadness and despair in anyone’s eyes.
“Would you like to… drink something?” he asked lowly, not sure what to offer to help you. “Or eat, maybe?”
You shook your head, avoiding his eyes.
“I just want to sleep. Can I… can I have the couch, please.”
Despite everything that had happened, Javier couldn’t help but smile, even if it only lasted for a second. You were so incredibly innocent.
“I’ve made the bed for you. Figured you’d like the privacy.”
“You?” you asked, obviously chewing your tongue. Javier shrugged.
“I’ll take the couch. You’re sure you’re not hungry?”
“Yeah,” you said, crossing the living room. “I’m sure.”
You closed the bedroom door behind you, and all of a sudden Javier felt incredibly alone. He looked at his watch; it was only eight in the evening. He sighed, and went to the kitchen to make himself a sandwich. He wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself. He wanted to comfort you. He was sure you were feeling miserable in there, but he didn’t want to overstep any boundaries. He wasn’t even sure if you’d talk to him. Since, the two of you had not really been talking lately.
After nine o’clock, he could not take it anymore. He took a quick shower, then opened the couch and made his bed, lying down with a restrained sigh. He wished he could sleep, he wished he could forget things for a few hours. But sleep didn’t come. He was tossing in bed, struggling with insomnia. He wondered if you could fall asleep, or if you were wide awake, too.
Around midnight he heard noises from your room. It only took him ten seconds to realize that you were sniffing. He was conflicted. Should he go to you, ask whether you needed some company? Or should he just leave you alone? Should he just pretend that he doesn’t hear your crying? He didn’t want to do that. But letting you suffer just made him feel miserable.
He was thinking for an hour, but when finally made up his mind to knock on your door, he realized that the crying stopped. His heart broke to the thought of you sobbing yourself to sleep. He wished he wasn’t such a fucking idiot. He wished he had the balls to make up his mind.
He was slightly asleep himself, when he heard the bedroom door opening. He didn’t move. If you only headed for the bathroom, he didn’t want you to know that he was listening. He heard your footsteps, but they were coming from close. He heard your breathing from next to his head.
“Javi?”
He sat up at once, not pretending anymore. In the dim moonlight he saw your face covered with tears. Your lips were trembling and you were looking at him so desperately, that he thought he was going to lose his mind.
“What is it, honey?”
“I don’t wanna be alone,” you whispered, and Javier heard your voice break. He reached for your hands and held onto them kindly, as if he was holding a flower.
“You don’t have to be.”
You sobbed and he moved aside. You climbed into the bed next to him, and he opened his arms to you. You snuggled as close as you could, and Javier carefully put his arms around you; one under your head, one over your back. He felt your hands grabbing onto his shirt.
“I’m here,” he whispered into your ear, before kissing your temple. “Sleep.”
Summary: As Liz’s life is suddenly in danger again, Javier desperately tries to keep her safe. However, when she gets her heart broken, things come to a miserable end.
You were hurrying down the hallway but even before entering the main office space you saw that Javier’s and Steve’s desks were empty. You looked around nervously; a lot of familiar faces were missing.
“Trujillo!” you lit up when saw the man coming down the stairs. He raised his eyebrows, seeing you running towards him. “Hey. Do you know if Javier —”
“Not back yet,” he said, looking down at the documents in his hand. You frowned.
“How come you’re not out there with them?”
“Paperwork,” he said shortly. It was clear he didn’t want to waste his time with you. You bit your lips.
“Do you know when they’ll —”
“No. Sorry.”
He tried an apologetic look, but moved on right after. You looked around. Everyone seemed so calm and focused on their work. Were they not aware that something big and dangerous might be happening just in these minutes? You sat down onto Javier’s chair and buried your face into your hands. Your skin was burning. You tried to think about something else… but the picture you had taken months before was floating around in your mind, not wanting to leave.
Javier had said somehing about a drug lab… You remembered all those busts and killings from the news… What if something happens… What if…
“Shut up…” you mumbled into your hands and sighed. Every time. Every damn time when Javier had to work, you felt like this. Why did you have to feel like this?! All this anxiety and worry. You hated it. And you hated him, for making you feel this way — even though he had no idea that he made you feel like this.
Time crawled like a snail; sitting at the table what felt like ages was only a minute. You counted the minutes, not looking up, and slowly, painfully slowly, time went by. Fifteen minutes. Thirty minutes. An hour. An hour and a half, then two. At noon you felt your stomach rumbling, but you were unable to eat anything. At one o’clock, Trujillo left you a glass of water on the table. You took it gratefully, drinking the whole glass with three gulps.
Around three in the afternoon you saw moving around the office, and it seemed like the number of people were increasing. You looked around, nervously standing up from the table.
“What’s happening?” you said to one of the agents. “Qué pasa?”
“Drug bust,” he said with an accent. “Twelve million dollars.”
“Twelve… What?”
You turned towards the hallway, leaving behind the agent. You started walking, picking up the pace. A lot of men came towards you, causally talking and laughing with each other. Someone behind you let out a loud laugh, which made you jump.
“Liz!” hearing your name made you turn around, looking for its source.
“Javier!” you finally saw him and all the anxiety left your body in a second. You ran to him and literally crashed against his chest. He hugged you back, and you let out a huge sigh. You leaned back, looking into his eyes. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I called you at home. You didn’t pick up.”
“I came in right after you called this morning. I couldn’t stay home.”
“Why am I not surprised,” he said, unconsciously caressing your cheek. Then, something in his eyes changed. “I need to talk to you. In here.” He opened the door to a sideroom, and you stepped in. He checked the hallway for anyone listening, then closed the door behind him.
“I know we’ve already talked about this… But you need to leave.”
He sounded so serious that it actually scared you.
“What are you talking about… Is this — Is this about the drug bust?”
“Seeing how fast news travel around here is one of the reasons why you need to leave.”
“Just tell me what happened,” you said, hoping that it’ll make him forget this whole ‘you need to leave’ nonsense.
Javier chewed on his tongue, then nodded.
“I told you before that the licence plate of the car was fake. Turns out, it was made by a fake company, which had three different headquarters stated under its name. Each had an address. We went out to check them, but they all lead to empty basements and houses in comunas. We didn’t find shit. We decided to head back, when one of the tracking teams spotted the blue car not far from us. It was standing in front of a garage, so we went in and found a whole fucking kitchen with tons of cocaine bricks waiting for shipment. We made a twelve million dollar bust.
“So… what does it mean?” you asked, your voice shaky. Javier clenched his jaw.
“It means we caused them one of the biggest losses they’ve ever had.”
I did, you thought, without taking any pride in it. Your insides were filled with fear.
“What does it mean… for me?”
Javier stepped closer, examining your face. He seemed utterly concerned.
“Please, Liz… I know you don’t want to —”
“You’re right, I don’t!” you said with a sharp tone. Then, you started panting. You looked at the man in front of you with pleading eyes. “Please… I just need you to tell me that I’m gonna be okay. No one really knows that the picture is from me, if you could just —”
“There’s no guarantee that —”
“Please, Javier. Please.”
You sounded so desperate, that Javier fell silent. His whole face softened. He reached out and gently took you into his arm, resting his chin on the top of your head.
“Why are you so stubborn?” he mumbled. “If something happens… I cannot let you get hurt.”
“I —”
“Why are you doing this?”
You didn’t answer. You didn’t know. All you knew was that you didn’t want to leave. You didn’t want to leave your job, your house, your friends… you didn’t want to leave him.
“I don’t want to start all over again,” you whispered, grabbing onto his arm. His skin under your palm made you feel incredibly hot. When he spoke with his chin resting on your head, his voice resonated through your whole body.
“I promised to keep you safe. But the time will come — no, please, let me finish — the time will come, when I cannot help you anymore. When I am not enough, and you have to make a decision.”
“I don’t want to make that decision,” you said, feeling totally lost. You closed your eyes.
“Just think about it,” Javier said and reached for your face. He gently cupped your cheeks and made you look at him. “Please, Liz. Promise me that you think about it.”
You locked eyes with him, determined to say no, but you couldn’t. You saw how scared he was, maybe for the first time since you had known him. It was almost as if the mask, under which he was always covering his true emotions lifted up a little, and you could peak under it, even if only for a moment. He was worried, he was anxious, but you knew that he was angry as well… Angry at you, for being so foolish so unnecessarily, and putting your life at risk for nothing. And with a heavy heart, still looking into the eyes that looked like chocolate, you nodded.
“Okay… I’ll think about it. I promise.”
——
You felt like you were going to throw up. As the car moved across town, with every bump, with every turn you felt more and more sick. On the streets news haven’t spread yet. You could see it. There was no chaos, no news playing in the bars. It felt ridiculous.
Not in the police car. On the radio two men were talking, and you had been practicing your Spanish enough to understand what they were talking about. Your driver grabbed onto the mic and said something. One of the man on the police radio answered. You gulped nervously and closed your eyes.
Carillo had only died twenty minutes earlier you had to do your job. Evidence photographer. Fucking hell. You did not sign up for this. You did not want this. But circumstances made you the only available photographer in the moment, so you had no other choice.
As you got closer and closer to the scene, the quiet night life started to change. You saw ambulances and policecars parking on the street. To get through them, you had to show them your DEA badge. You fingers were trembling as you held up the small piece of plastic.
Your driver stopped the car and you thanked them, stretching the seconds for as long as you could. But the job had to be done. Feeling nauseous, you opened the door, and immediately stepped into something thick and sticky. You looked around on the dim-lit street and grimaced. The air was pungent. Dust, sewage, gun powder… and blood.
“Evidence photographer?” a guy appeared next to you and you nodded. “This way!”
He showed you the way, leading you through betweent two cars. You passed several policemen, but then you stopped.
“Oh, my God,” you whispered, seeing the red mess all over the concrete. Not far from where you were standing, you saw a pair of feet, two. “Oh, my God.”
It took all your effort not to throw up right there and then. You moved a bit to the left and took some pictures of a body. You didn’t want to see who it was. You stepped closer, while people were running around you, shouting things that you didn’t understand. You were on the verge of fainting.
You took another picture of someone, then looked away, desperate to see something other than blood and used bullets. As you turned, you saw two man in the distance, leaning against their car. You recognized them at once, and realization hit you like a brick.
You looked back, but no one was paying attention to you. Careful, not to look at any of the bodies, you crossed the road and hurried towards the two man.
“Javier!”
He raised his head. It took him a few seconds to recognize you, but during that time you already knew that he was not all right. His face was expressionless, his eyes cold. You slowed down and approached him carefully.
“Javier?”
Murphy only had to take one look at you and patted Javier on the back. You saw that he was not all right, either. He got up, nodded, and left without saying a word. You stepped closer to Javier. He was not looking at you. He pressed his lips together, as if deciding never to speak again.
“Javier…” your heart was breaking. You knew that he and Carillo had been really close. “Javier, I’m so sorry.”
He forced himself to look at you, but you had never seen him so distant. The usual warmth in his eyes - one of the things that made you fall for him - was gone.
“It was my intel.”
His voice was low and husky. You took a sharp breath.
“This isn’t your fault,” you said at once, knowing where this was going. “This —”
“Stop.”
He had never talked to you this way. It was like standing in front of a completely different person. He turned his head away, staring into the distance. You knew that he wanted to be alone. But you didn’t think that it was going to do any good for him.
“How about I see you later?” you gently grabbed his arm. He looked like he didn’t even hear you. “Javi?”
“Hm… Sure.”
You knew you he was somewhere else. You nodded and hesitantly took a few steps back. You wanted to help him, because seeing him like this just broke you. You wanted to make it easier for him. You wanted to be there for him. But the job had to be done. ——
It was way past eleven in the evening when you finally left the office and got into your car. You were tired, you were exhausted and drained. You wanted to take a shower, you wanted to wash away all the things that you had just seen. You wanted to sleep. But you knew that you wouldn’t be able to. You knew that you were not the only one feeling like this tonight. You thought about Carillo’s wife and kids. You shivered.
Even though it was a pleasant evening, you were incredibly cold. You reached for the backseat and grabbed something leather-like. It was Javier’s coat.
Javier.
You looked at the silent and empty road ahead of you and the thought started to form in your mind. You really wanted to see him. You didn’t want to be a bother, though. But you had promised him to see him later. Maybe he was expecting you? You could only hope so. You grabbed the jacket, and only when you felt his essence on it did you decide to go to him.
Because you needed him, too.
You thanked the whole DEA for you bulletproof car. Crossing through town in the middle of the night made you anxious and paranoid. You felt eyes everywhere, you felt like someone was watching your every move. You squeezed the wheel tensely every time you had to stop at a red light.
You stopped the car in front of Javier’s house twenty minutes later. As you turned off the engine you looked at his windows. The light were on, but it wasn’t really bright. You could imagine him sitting in a half-lit room, drinking, alone. You swallowed nervously. You hoped that coming here was really a good idea.
You got out and opened the door. You passed the stairway to Murphy’s flat, and continued your way to Javier’s door. You stopped for a second, raising your hand but not knocking just yet. Was this really a good idea?
Before you could have decided, the door opened and you found yourself face to face to one of the prettiest women you had ever seen. You stepped back in surprise, lowering your hand. She looked at you with a start, but then waved kindly.
“Oh!Buenas noches.”
The hooker sent a friendly smile at you, then called back and said something in Spanish. Then, making her way around you, left for the exit. Her heels made a clanking sound every time she took a step. You followed her with your eyes until the door closed behind her and she disappeared on the street.
“Liz…?”
You turned back, and what you saw shattered your heart into million pieces. Javier was standing in the door, shirtless, a cigarette hanging from his mouth. You connected the woman with what was in front of you, and you had never felt more ashamed in your entire life.
“Well…” you said with a weak smile, tearing up. “I guess I’ll see you around.”
You turned away, but Javier called after you.
“Liz!” he sounded desperate. “Liz, come back, let me explain…”
“No,” you said, looking at him again. He looked like he was in misery. But this time, you didn’t care. “You know what, thank you for this. Now… at least I know.”
You felt so incredibly stupid. Javier reached out to you, but you pulled away.
“Liz, please!” he pleaded. You saw that he was hurt. Well, tough shit. You were hurt, too. You realized that you were still holding his jacket.
“Here. Take it.” You threw it at him and he caught it. “You look like you need it.”
“Liz…”
“I don’t care.”
“Lizzy…”
“I don’t care, Javier,” you said, your voice trembling as you said his name. “We’re not together. Actually, thank you, for this. Now I can go back to my life, and you can continue whatever the fuck you’ve been doing.”
He looked dumbfounded. Then he took a careful step towards you. His eyes were burning.
“Liz, come in. Let’s talk, let me…”
But you shook your head. You really had to force yourself not to cry just yet.
“Please. From now on… leave me alone.
You left him with that, and found with great pleasure that this time, he didn’t follow you.
The following weeks had been hard. Every day after leaving work, you saw mothers, wives and kids leaving the police station, and you knew that they visited so that they could recollect the belongings of their deads. Seeing them made you choke, and you couldn’t help it but turned away.
You had no idea what you were supposed to do. Violence scared you to death, but at the same time you had never felt more alive, more at home than being here. And, due to the steps taken in security measures, you were well taken care of. You met with agents every week, who listed your calls and reported anything out of ordinary - luckily there was nothing suspicious going around - and whenever your schedules let you, Javier and you spent a lot of time together.
But Javier was not always there.
He went and came, going on missions, searching for evidence, executing orders. You had been so worried since the attack on the police, that you made him call you every time he finished for the day. You knew it annoyed the shit out of him, but it made you calm. Or, let’s just say, it made you less worried, until the next mission came.
Today was no different. It was way into the evening, and you were sitting by the phone, not doing anything in particular. You were just waiting. In front of you there was a Spanish - English dictionary open at the word ‘camarero’ and you were imagining scenerios where you could use that word. Well, your Spanish teacher had told you to do it.
The phone’s voilent ringing cut through the silence and made you jump; all this time living here, and the phone still scared the living shit out of you. You cleared your throat and picked up, knocking over a water bottle with your anxious move.
“Yes?”
There was some shuffle at the other end, then a low voice started to speak.
“Hey… It’s… It’s me.”
“Hey!” you leaned closer as if it made you more understandable. “Are you okay? Is everyone fine?”
“Yeah.”
He sounded really somber. It made you worry.
“Javier, are you okay?”
“Can you… Can we meet for a drink?”
“Now?” you asked. It was starting to get late.
“…Please.”
He was so unusually quiet that you were scared now.
“Sure,” you said. “The bar in an hour?”
“Okay,” he said and hung up.
——
Javier was having his second drink and he already regretted calling you. He was holding onto his glass, trying to come up with excuses on how to call off the meeting with you, but the ideas just didn’t come. It was a weak moment of his when he had called you; he had changed his mind by now. He knew that you would come and ask him all these questions. He didn’t want to talk. He wanted to drink. But who was he kidding? He also wanted to see you. You just… made it all better.
“Another one,” he signaled to the bartender and he refilled his glass. “Thanks.”
“I hope that’s for me,” you said suddenly, appearing out of nowhere. You took his glass and took a sip from his whiskey. You squinted. “Agh, that’s horrible. Er — Una cerveza, por favor.”
Javier looked at you with raised eyebrows.
“Wow, what was that?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said innocently and drank from your beer. Javier nodded at your glass.
“Learing Spanish, I see.”
“Yeah.”
“I thought you don’t speak Spanish,” he said a bit teasingly. He got an eyeroll from you in return.
“Well, maybe that’s why I want to learn it.”
“Yeah?” he looked at you, thinking. “No other reason?”
“What is that supposed to mean?” you said with a weird expression. Almost as if you were caught doing something you shouldn’t be doing. Javier shrugged.
“Nothing.”
“Good. So what did you want to talk about?”
The alcohol in his mouth turned into acid as he forced it down. He wished you hadn’t brought it up. He wished you just wanted to talk to him about something else. Anything else.
He turned to you slowly and felt a flowery smell. It was you shampoo. He reached out slowly, gently taking a piece of your hair and tucking it behind your ear. Then, the alcohol made him cup you cheek. You seemed frozen in his hand. He wanted to kiss you so bad, it hurt.
“Can we talk about something else?” he whispered, begging you. You opened your mouth slightly, whispering back.
“Tell me what’s wrong.”
He closed his eyes, his hand still on the side of your face. You knew you felt something, too; he had seen it many times when he looked into your eyes. In fact, he had seen it in many women’s eyes before. But this was different. You were different. He didn’t just want to hook up with you. He had no idea what he wanted, but it was something worth thinking about.
He opened his eyes and pulled away his hand. As soon as light came to him once again, sharing those very intimate thoughts with you seemed impossible and stupid. He was not the sharing type. He was —
“Please,” you interrupted his inner monologue. Your eyes were shining from all the life you had in you. “You called me here. I know there was a reason.”
“I don’t know…”
“Javier —”
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore!” he said a bit more tensely. Hearing his name from your mouth didn’t help him at all. “Stop it. It’s over.”
“I know you were out this evening,” you continued, not giving up. “Something happened?”
“I really don’t —”
“You said —”
“Liz —”
“Jav —”
“I saw a kid die today!” he said miserably. “And Carillo was the one who killed him. He killed a kid to make a fucking point. Are you happy now?”
He was panting and didn’t look at you. Instead, he was staring at his hands. They were shaking. There was silence at the table for a very long time, and he was sure that he hurt you with his outburst. He already regretted telling what had happened.
A warm feeling made him blink, and he saw your hand in his, gently, carefully holding on to it. The warmth started from his palm and went all the way up his arm, shoulder, chest. He was breathing a bit easier.
“I cannot imagine,” you started, speaking very softly. “But I know that what you’re all doing is more important than anything. Because if you don’t make an end to this, people will keep on dying. And I see how hard it is on you… But I just… I hope it’ll end soon and the people will be free from under his reign. And since it is up to you, I know that it’ll end soon.”
He didn’t know how to respond to that. He cleared his throat, squeezed your hand and drank. He had to shake his head to himself.
“Cariño.”
“Yeah, I looked that word up, actually,” you said, playfully scolding. “You’re still not getting away with this.”
Javier chuckled to himself darkly and looked at his empty glass. He needed a refill again. He saw that you were eyeing his glass, too.
“Let’s dance,” you said suddenly, nodding towards the low tunes coming from the radio. Javier frowned.
“I’m not the dancing type.”
“Then let’s go for a walk,” you said quickly. “It’ll clear your head.”
“I don’t do walks,” Javier said, shaking his head. He really needed a cigarette.
“It’s not about the walks,” you insisted. Javier looked at you impatiently.
“Now what’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that you reject the bare idea of someone helping you,” he saw that you started to get tense as well. He grimaced.
“How is a walk supposed to help me?”
“It’s not about the walk.”
“Then what?”
“Jesus Christ,” you said and took another sip from your beer. “Let’s just drink in silence, shall we?”
“Finally, an idea that gets my appreciation.
Javier knew you were being sarcastic. It looked good on you. He was searching for a packet of cigarettes in his pocket, when someone appeared next to your table.
“Liz? Hey!
He looked up. The voice belonged to a young, tall guy who was dressed in police uniform.
“Danilo?” you said with a smile. Javier felt your hand leaving his. “What are you doing here?”
“Just having a beer with the guys,” he signalled towards a table in the far back with five or six other policemen. Then, he looked at Javier with a way too nice expression. “Hey man. Peña, right? We’ve met before, haven’t we?”
“Barely,” grunted Javier. He accepted the offered hand, but shook it quickly, then retreated, lighting his cigarette.
“Anyway,” the guy was ignoring him again, now looking at you. “Monday is still on?”
“Sure —!” you started excitedly.
“Hmm, what’s on Monday?” Javier mumbled sarcastically, but luckily neither of you had heard him. Good. You would probably be furious at him.
“— I just hope it’ll worth it. There are a lot of new techniques out there, I’m not sure my…”
“Come on, Liz, your pictures are amazing. I’m sure they’ll see it, too.”
Of course, Javier remembered. You had told him about the art gallery thing where they would choose pictures of all talented photographers.
“Thanks,” you said, shooting a kind smile towards the guy. He looked at you with a gaze that made Javier bite down on his cigarette.
“Well, I’m gonna go then,” the guy nodded towards Javier. “See you later, Liz.”
You stood up and hugged him. Javier’s insides were boiling with jealousy.
“Bye, Danilo,” you said, sitting back . “See you on Monday.”
Fucking finally, the guy left and Javier exhaled the smoke angrily. You looked at him, raising an eyebrow.
“Can you stop smoking? You know I’m tryna quit.”
“Your pictures are good,” he said shortly.
“What?”
“I would’ve told you. If you had asked me. I think your pictures are good.”
“You haven’t even seen my pictures.”
“I have. When I went up to your flat a few months ago. They were on the table. You’ve got talent. Anyone who doesn’t see it is a fucking idiot.”
That seemed to shock you. Javier started thinking wether he had said something wrong. He was still bitter because of that guy of yours.
“Well… Thanks,” you said finally, with a surprised little smile.
“You know what,” Javier said suddenly and stood up from the table. “Let’s go for that walk.”
“What?” you said. “I still have half a glass of my — Javier!”
Javier took your glass and chugged the rest of your beer. Then he threw a bunch of pesos onto the table and held out his arm.
“Let’s go.”
——
You could feel from his walking that he was not drunk - oh no, it took a lot more to make Javier Peña drunk - but he wasn’t completely sober, either. He left the bar with you holding onto him, and when you made it out to the street, he looked around.
“Which way?”
“Well,” you said, pointing left. “I live that way. You can walk me home.”
“Home?” he said as you started walking. “The night is just starting.”
“Yeah, I was actually almost ready to sleep when you dragged me out of the house,” you said and he chuckled.
“Hm… Thanks for coming.”
He sounded so genuine that it made you stop and stare at him. In the dark you were barely able to make out his face, but you could still see him frowning.
“What?” he asked carefully.
You shook your head slowly. You had no idea what to answer. You were still holding onto his arm, and his face was really close to yours. He smelled so great. He was so tall. You shivered.
“Are you cold?” he murmured and moved away from you. He took off his leather jacket and placed it over your shoulders. His hands stayed on your neck and he looked into your eyes. You forgot how to breath.
“Thank you,” you whispered. Unconsciously, you stepped an inch closer to him. His hands were still gently holding the coat. You could feel the whiskey in the air between the two of you.
Suddenly a bunch of young teens burst out laughing on the other side of the street. It was like waking up from a dream. You realized that the street that felt silent was actually full of life. There were people all around you, chatting, laughing. You stepped back with an anxious feeling in your stomach, and Javier’s hands fell down to his side.
“I should walk you home,” he said, not looking into your eyes this time. You cleared your throat.
“I can… It’s all right, I can just call a taxi.”
“Yeah, let’s do that. But it’ll take me home, too.”
You nodded, and started walking with him again. You were embarrassingly careful not to touch his hand, even by accident, while walking. You only had to go for five minutes; you ended up in a busiest part of the city, and it was easy to find a free taxi there. You two did not talk during the entire way home.
You were staring out the window, determined not to look at Javier. You had no idea what was going on. No idea how you felt, either. You liked him a lot… to be honest, you liked him more than you were supposed to. And you loved being with him. He was smart, cunning and determined. But he was also intense, passionate and strong-willed. Half of the time you had no idea what he was thinking about. Half of the time you weren’t even sure if he’d like you the way you liked him.
The taxi pulled up in front of your house and you had to look at Javier to say goodbye. He had been staring out the window as well, but now he turned to you with such an intense look that you almost leaned over to kiss him. But the driver started coughing, the moment passed, and you found yourself opening the door of the car.
“Thank you for the coat. I’ll…”
“You’ll give it back later,” he said with a kind nod. You shot a restrained, shy smile at him before closing the door.
“Well… Good night.”
The car started moving, and a few seconds later it turned left at the intersection. He was gone. You searched for your keys and went up to your apartment, unable to figure out how were you feeling. Why didn’t you do something? At least you could’ve figured out if he felt the same as you. But what if he wasn’t? Now you were glad that you didn’t make a move. It would all just be so awkward and embarrassing tomorrow. It was better this way. Yes. This was better.
But then why were you feeling so miserable?
You double-locked the door, closed the curtains, and realized that you were really hungry. You went to the kitchen and opened the fridge to make a sandwich. You ate slowly, barely tasting anything, getting lost deep in your thoughts. All you wanted to do was to sleep.
In the morning, the phone woke you up. You stumbled out of bed and answered it, massaging your eyes.
“Yea —ah?” you yawned.
“It’s me,” said Javier. He sounded tense. As he spoke, in the background you heard voices and running. “Liz, this just came in. They found the car on the picture, it’s connected to a drug lab…”
“What?” you said, suddenly wide awake. “How —”
“I don’t have time, we’re heading out. I’ll call you after.”
“Wh — Javier?!”
You called after him, but it was too late and he hung up. He was gone.
Summary: You’ve known Javier for a while now, but when lives are in danger, you realize that you might feel more for him than you have initially thought.
It had been a while since you became part of the DEA, and life was going flawlessly. With employement came certain rights; you were eligible to receive security measures on a higher level. The first week you had your windows changed to bulletproof ones, and you had your door fixed up with two other locks. You had gotten another phone that had a secure line to the DEA office, and you were able to have weekly visits from agents who made sure that everything was okay with you. But the biggest of them all was the new car - a seemingly ordinary vehicle, but with bulletproof windows and doors.
“Are you saisfied with what you got?” Javier had asked, when he came over to check the house for himself as well. You nodded with a small smile on your lips.
“Yeah, it’s… Thank you, Javier.”
He looked at you kindly and saw the seriousness in your eyes. He stepped closer and squeezed your shoulder in a friendly way. He smiled. He rarely smiled, but he had a really nice smile.
Unfortunately, even though you handed over the photograph to the DEA and received all these things in return, they had no luck catching either of those guys on the picture.
“The licence plate is fake,” said Javier a week after you had gotten employed. “They’ll try and look up any connection to it, but so far no luck. The picture might help the ID guys, though.”
He had been moody on that evening. They had suspended him and Murphy for following their own rules instead of the given orders, but you could understand. For Javier what mattered is doing good. Catching Escobar. The DEA was just the tool for that, the necessary step he had to take every time when driving for action. But sometimes it slowed him down.
Of course, he and Murphy got back, but peace was not an option. Escobar escaped his prison and the whole country went crazy. There were several, who kept on fighting against him, wholeheartedly and tirelessly, but there were still millions out there, who supported what he was doing. But with Carillo being called back from Spain, you knew that there was some hope.
Nevertheless, the whole situation had shown its effect on you. Working close to DEA agents had its ups and downs; you were glad for their help and continuous attention towards your safety. However, you also got a glimpse into what they had to deal with, and it frightened you. It was your job to develop their pictures sometimes, and you met several drug traffickers, hitmans, associates and dead bodies on negatives. You couldn’t help but anxiously wonder about the others’ safety.
“Don’t think about it way too much,” Javier said to you once you admitted why you had been acting so nervously. He was sitting on your desk while you were having lunch. “It’ll drive you crazy. Belive me, there are more things than you know of.”
“Well, that makes me calm and relaxed,” you said, pushing away your unfinished plate. Your stomach was in a knot.
“Hey,” Javier got a chair and sat down to be on the same level with you. “I’m serious.”
“I’m serious too. When I say I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”
He hesitated, but held out his hand towards you. You took it, casting down your eyes. The truth was, that yes, you were worried about everyone, naturally… But you were really worried for him. You had known him for four months now. You continously had been having lunches together, and sometimes you went out for a drink or two after work. You knew he was strong-willed and clever, determined and cunning… But you couldn’t help it. There was something that made you care for him more than anyone else.
“You worry too much, Liz,” he said gently, and it made you look up. He was really close, his eyes deeply looking into yours. You felt your heartbeat picking up the pace. You couldn’t blink with his gaze on you, and your eyes started to sting.
“I’m just saying,” you said after forcing yourself to look away and massaged your eyes. “I want you to be safe.”
“There’s no guarantee that’ll ever happen,” he said understandingly and shrugged. “We do our best. But if you have to choose between chasing a guy who’s getting away or running back to the car to get proper gear, there’s no agent who’d choose the latter. What matters at the end is if you got the guy or not. Wearing a vest is not gonna change that.”
Something clicked in you and you looked at him again. You were only hoping that you had heard him wrong.
“What?” you said with a sharp tone.
“What?” he asked, unsure of what you were referring to.
“Are you telling me….” you took a deep breath, trying to remain calm. “Are you telling me that you don’t always wear a vest?”
“Well, most of the times we do. But I’m saying if there’s an unexpected situation, no one will waste time —”
“Waste time?!” you exclaimed, surprising even yourself. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
Javier looked taken aback. He shook his head as if trying to make sense of your sudden outburst.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“What’s wrong with you?” you stood up letting go of his hand. Something came over you, and you were not bothering anymore to keep your voice low. “Why are you telling me this only now?”
He stood up too, though not as fiercly as you did.
“What do you want me to say, Liz?” His calmness infuriated you. “This is the job.”
“This is messed up —”
“We knew what we were signing up for,” he said and gently touched your shoulders. He caressed your arms, then suddenly cupped your cheeks which made you numb. He looked deeply into your eyes. “Don’t worry about it.”
“How can you tell me that?” you whispered, feeling his hands on you.
“Why do you care so much?” he asked with a half smile and you were frightened for a second. His eyes were longing for an answer, but you were not ready for that. Why did you care so much? You didn’t even want to admit that to yourself.
“You’re my friend,” you said as convincingly as you could. Technically, it was true. “And I don’t want to lose you.”
Something changed on his face. His gaze was burning yours. He smiled, but that smile was hiding something else that you couldn’t figure out.
“I’m your friend? That’s very kind of you, Liz.”
Before you could answer, there was a sudden echo of footsteps and Trujillo appeared at the door, panting.
“Peña! There was an ambush, all over the city. There are hundreds coming in. Half of them dead already!”
“What is he saying?” you looked at Javier, who looked absolutely shocked. “Javier?”
“Fuck!” he said and turned after Trujillo, who was already leaving. Then looked at you before following him. “Stay here.”
“Yeah, no way,” you said, running after him. Everyone in the office was going into one direction - outside. Javier was faster and got before the others, but as you stepped outside the crowd loosened up. And then you could see it.
There were people everywhere, and the level of chaos was rising. You looked to your right and there were two dead policemen on the ground. Next to them was an agent squatting down while talking in Spanish to a guy who was whining in pain. Someone rolled a stretcher over and they lifted the man together. In front of you, there was someone who was bleeding heavily from the stomach. Not far from him another dead body. On the left one man had his arm around another one, carrying him inside. You saw Murphy kneeling next to a young police officer, trying to put pressure on his wound. And there were fifty more, all shouting and screaming in pain and fear.
You stumbled down the stairs, unsure of what to do. You had no medical training and you were scared that you’d just make things worse. You saw Javier for a second as he was helping someone and your stomach clenched. You ran towards the closest man on the ground and helped him to sit up. You were extremely scared that he’d die in your hands.
Seven hours later you were at home, scrubbing the dried blood from your hands. The smell was making you sick. Eventually ambulances and paramedics had arrived and took over from the agents. Still, there were 30 deaths today.
You turned off the tap and dried your hands. Your fingernails were red. You chuckled, trying not to cry, then went to the living room and closed the curtains. Then, you double checked the front door. It was awfully quiet.
The phone rang and you jumped in fear. You ran to answer it.
“Yes?”
“Hey, it’s me,” came a familiar voice. Danilo sounded uneasy. “I’ve seen what happened today. Have you heard?”
“Yeah, I was… I was there,” you said, staring at the walls.
“I told you I wasn’t sure about you having this job,” he started. “Working in the middle of it, Liz…”
“Have you lost anyone?” you asked.
“No, thank God. They say it was an ambush but we weren’t there.”
“Good,” you nodded.
“Are you okay?” he sounded concerned. “Do you want me to come over?”
“No,” you said quickly. “I just wanna sleep. Thanks for calling.”
“Okay. Good night.”
“Bye.”
You put down the phone and wrapped a soft blanket around yourself. All of a sudden it felt really cold.
The phone rang again and you were sure that Danilo called you back. With a little impatience, you picked up.
“Yeah?”
“How are you?” Javier’s voice was different. Your mood changed straight away. You didn’t know how to answer him.
“How are you?” you asked him instead. Finding the words was hard for him as well.
“Well… you know.”
You nodded.
“Yeah.”
“Listen…” he started. He sounded extremely tired. “About today… thanks for… you know. Giving a shit.”
“About what?”
“…Me.”
You took a deep breath to calm down, but your voice broke.
“You said that there’s a standing bounty on any DEA down here…”
He didn’t answer. You knew he was waiting. You looked at your bloody fingernails and wiped your tears away while speaking.
“Please, Javier… just be careful.”
It was the longest silence you had ever heard from him. You knew he was still there because you heard him breathing… and you waited. After a minute, he cleared his throat and with the most caring, genuine voice he said:
“And just a signiture there,” said the woman, pointing at the bottom of the page. You signed it. “And we’re done. Welcome to the DEA.”
You sighed and put down the pen. The last two weeks had been the most unusual period of your life. Peña had to arrange millions of things, had to talk to the right people and basically create a new title of work, that you could use on your papers. According to this, you were ‘Elizabeth Landon - DEA Associate, Evidence Photographer Assistant.’ Yes, it was a mouthful. The last of the paperworks lied in front of you on the table, from where a woman with grey hair collected them. She sent another smile towards you, then left.
“So?” a familiar voice came from behind you. “Everything all right?”
“Hey,” the tense feeling in your stomach loosened a bit. It was good to see someone you had actually met before.
Peña walked in and grabbed your brand new ID badge from the table.
“How does it feel?” he asked.
“I… have no idea. Really.” You looked at the badge. “I still have a part-time job at the magazine. I won’t be doing much around here. As far as I’m concerned, it’s just a piece of plastic.”
“A very valuable piece of plastic,” he sat on the table and looked up at you from there. “We filed the photograph. Thank you.”
You nodded and casted down your eyes. You knew you made the right decision. It was still frightening. Peña probably felt your mood change, because he stood up.
“Want me to show you around?”
You nodded thankfully.
“Sure!”
“Come on,” he indicated towards the door with his head, then followed you outside. “This way.”
You went through a wide hallway and ended up in a big room with a bunch of tables and agents talking or running around. Phone were ringing, printers were buzzing, and someone laughed loudly in the moment that you stepped in.
“All cramped up here,” Peña nodded and walked further in. “That’s Gonzáles, that’s Muñoz and Valencia. That’s my table and this - this handsome gentleman is Murphy. My second. Definitely under me in rank.”
“Fuck off, Peña,” said Murphy. He was buried in some paperwork. You chuckled and he looked up. “Oh, hey. Evidence Photographer, am I right?”
“Something like that,” you said. “Elizabeth Landon. Liz.”
You shook hands.
“I was just showing her around,” Peña said, looking over Murphy’s shoulder and checking out what he was doing. “We already have the riport of this.”
“Yeah, I’m just looking for something.”
“What?”
“Something we might haven’t noticed before.”
Peña looked over the papers himself. His face was in deep concentration and you started to understand, why was he chosen for the job he was doing. He nodded to himself, then patted Murphy on the back.
“Save a few pages for me as well. Come on, Landon. Over there.”
You were glad that you could continue the tour, because you didn’t want to be a burden while they were looking over staff.
“So, you’re starting tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” you said, following him on the corridor.
“Good. This is the darkroom, on the left. Unfortunately you’ll actually have to work sometimes,” he smirked to himself. Then the two of you turned right. “And this is your office. Well, not only yours, I guess.”
You stepped into the small room which was three size smaller than the one Peña, Murphy and all those other agents had. This one had only one window, and had three tables in it, of which two was already occupied. There was no one sitting at the tables at the moment, but they were packed with all kinds of papers and folders.
“Well, that’s it, basically,” Peña said, looking around, not exactly impressed. “I’m afraid I cannot show you the rest.”
“Out of my jurisdiction as Evidence Photographer Assistant?” you nodded with a grimace. “No, I get it. I mean, this is nice. If we just… throw away all this garbage, get new chair and tables, and hit an other whole in the wall as window, then I think that would really cheer up the place.”
Peña let out a small and short laugh. Then he looked at his watch.
“I’ll be heading out soon.”
“Oh…,” you said awkwardly. “Sure. Fine. Thank you for this.”
“Don’t mention it,” he said. “You know what, let’s mention it. You’ll owe me one, how ‘bout that?”
You smiled.
“I might be owing you much more than just one.”
“Yeah… we’ll see.”
The two of you stared at each other, not sure how to end the conversation. Finally Peña cleared his throat and turned halfway away awkwardly.
“Well… See you around.”
“Yeah. See you around.”
He waved and then left. You went to check out the only table in the office that didn’t have personal belongings on it, only garbage. You picked up some files and sneezing from the dust put them into one huge pile. This way you could at least put down your bag.
“Landon!”
You jumped and turned towards the door. Peña was back, hastily leaning against the doorframe.
“You wanna grab a drink later?”
“S…sure” you said, being a bit surprised, but didn’t mind the offer.
“Good.”
“What…What time?” you asked as he was already turning away. He turned back awkwardly.
“What?”
“What time?”
“Oh… Seven?”
“Okay.”
“All right. Meet you outside?”
“Sure.”
——
“No seriously, I swear that I cannot even look at a watermelon anymore,” he said and finished his drink with a restrained smile on his lips. “Not after that summer, anyway.”
You snorted.
“I don’t know if I should laugh or cry at that.”
“How about both?” he asked and raised his glass, signing for another round. “You’re good?”
“I could do with another one,” you nodded towards the bartender and he appeared with new drinks for the two of you.
The bar Peña took you to was a quiet one, with lots of small tables and an open area above which if you looked up, you could see the sky with its shiny stars. There were a few people around, but it wasn’t crowded. There was chatter in Spanish everywhere around you, and you were genuinely having a good time.
Peña was now looking up at the small television in the corner. In the news, they were showing a building in the distance, a building that you knew was the prison that was keeping Escobar locked away. You glanced at Peña; he finished his drink with a sudden move and ordered another one.
“Do you think you’ll get ‘im?” you asked him quietly. He looked at you, then back to the TV, then at his refilled drink. It took him a long time to answer.
“That motherfucker deserves to rot in prison for the rest of his life.”
“I…I’ve heard that the people still love him.”
He scoffed.
“They love him because he makes them love him. If he gives money to the poor, wouldn’t you stand next to him?”
“It doesn’t matter what he’s done? All those deaths… bombings… that plane and that reporter… why don’t people care about that?”
“They do. But when he appears with bags full of money, people tend to forget.”
He drank and you watched. You felt a horrible taste in your mouth.
“It’s a shame, because anyone could see that people love this country.”
“Yeah… Real shame he preaches about it while he’s the one destroying it.” He hesitated for a moment while he searched for money in his wallet. “There was this kid… Me and Murphy were trying to get one of Escobar’s hitmans. And I almost got him. I was this close. And then this… ten year old runs out of nowhere and holds a gun at my head.”
“What?” you said, your full attention on him. Peña had a bittersweet smile on his face.
“Of course he ran away. The hitman, too. We didn’t get shit. Before we got there, they killed a girl. She had a baby. Murphy has her now, with his wife.”
You realized that your mouth was open. Peña seemed to get lost in his own thoughts.
“There’s a standing bounty of 350 000 US dollars on any DEA down here. Not you, of course,” he smirked at you, but there was nothing happy about it. “Evidence photographer.”
“Assistant,” you said, to at least cheer him up a bit. He chuckled darkly.
“Assistant. Yeah.” Then he was back in his dark thoughts. “There’s a reason we worth that much. We’d do anything to stop him. Carillo… he’s the best soldier I’ve ever met.”
“I’ve seen him on TV,” you said, remembering a tall figure. “It’s good to have someone you trust. After what Danilo said… you know, my cop friend… I guess it cannot be easy to work in the system when the system is dirty.”
He turned to you and looked deeply in your eyes. Even though he had like five drinks in him, his sight was clear and determined, like always.
“You talk like someone who has seen a lot of shit.”
You chuckled.
“Yeah, I wouldn’t say that. And I’m not planning on seeing any kind of shit. I want a normal life.”
“That sounds… That sounds nice.”
He turned away and looked down at his hands, holding the glass. There was something on his face that made you think, and all of a sudden you realized that you felt sorry for him. His life was hunting for Escobar. He chose this; but it came with so many things that tied him down, that a normal life probably seemed impossible for him. Even if he didn’t necessary want it, it is always nice to have an option.
“I’m sorry I called you an asshole,” you said to him. He looked up.
“You’re not to first and not the last, sweetheart. Don’t worry about it.”
“And I don’t like it when you call me a sweetheart.” You raised your eyebrows, but you were not being rude about it. He smiled to himself, and you realized that you might just seen him smile for the first time. It looked… incredibly good on him.
“All right then,” he nodded ceremoniously. “Cariño”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” you asked, pretending to be offended. He was taken aback.
“Don’t tell me you don’t speak Spanish. How did you survive down here is a mystery to me.”
“All right, fuck off,” you said and drank. He was still smiling.
“So why did you come here? Of all places where they speak English?”
“To be honest I just randomly chose a place in an advertisement calendar. It really didn’t matter where I’d go. Until it’s not home,” you added under your breath.
“Why?”
You looked up. He seemed genuinely interested. He wasn’t smiling anymore and you found yourself looking for words before you were able to answer.
“I just… I come from Seattle. I have a sister who’s a kindergarten teacher, I have a mom who’s a professor, I have a dad who’s a doctor… and I’m doing photography,” you tried to smile, but it felt more like a grimace. “I got tired of their nagging. My sister’s not so bad, but… jesus, my parents were just on about it forever. So I decided to leave. I saw a picture of Bogotá in a calendar. And… here I am,” you finished awkwardly.
“There’s nothing wrong with doing what you love.”
“Yeah, look where it got me,” you said darkly. Peña chuckled.
“It’s not so bad, Cariño”
“Oh, my God, are you going to try and teach me Spanish now?” you laughed and rolled your eyes.
“If you want me,” he shrugged and you drank.
“I’ve been trying, by the way,” you said, pointing a finger at him. You started to feel the alcohol. “And I want you to know this before you think I’m just some lousy idiot who expects everyone to speak English, just because she cannot learn another language. But I just haven’t got the time. Or the energy. Or the company to talk with.”
“What about your friend?” there was a certain way how he said the word friend. You shook your head.
“Danilo’s fine. A bit much sometimes. Asks me out weekly. I wish he would stop.”
“Why don’t you tell him to stop?”
“Well, that’s a good question, isn’t it?” you said melancholically and finished your drink.
“What are you doing here?” you looked at the man in surprise. You were just arriving home from another photoshoot.
“Finally,” Peña looked at you with the utmost impatience. He was standing at the door, his hand reaching for the doorbell. Now he took off his sunglasses, looking straight into the your eyes. “Where the hell were you?”
You raised an eyebrow.
“I have to work you know. For how long were you trying to get into my house?”
He cleared his throat awkwardly and squinted.
“Not long.”
“Uh-huh. So why are you here?”
“You didn’t give me your number.”
“Excuse me?”
“Your phone number,” Peña looked around the street as if checking the scene. “I had to come all the way to talk to you.”
“Oh,” you retreated. “Right.” Then you remembered. “Is this about your promise?”
He locked eyes with you and said:
“We really shouldn’t discuss this outside.”
He was way too serious and that made you uneasy. Did he manage to find a way to help you? You were chewing on your tongue, then nodded.
“All right. Come in.”
Once in your apartment, you dropped your bag onto the small table next to the TV and went to the kitchen to have a glass of water.
“Do you want anything?” you asked, rather to be polite than to please him. He was checking out your pictures on your table. He looked up.
“No. Let’s just get this over with.”
“Okay. So what is it?”
You walked over to him but you didn’t sit down and neither did he. All of it felt really formal. You took a sip from your water just to do something. Peña started to speak.
“The DEA doesn’t provide protection unless they get something in return. And it has to be valuable. A tip from someone is not enough.”
“What do you mean it’s not enough?” you asked suspiciously.
“We get tips from the street every day. It doesn’t worth shit. And they won’t let us go after the car, unless we can prove that it does worth the trouble.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“I’m sorry.”
He didn’t sound like he meant it.
“So… now what?” you asked, not sure what to do. “That’s it? You just won’t investigate?”
He stared at you, thinking. His face was unreadable, and you found yourself wishing that you could understand him.
“They won’t give us a team without evidence. We really need that picture.” There was a certain tone in his voice that made you feel on edge.
“What if I give it to you?” you asked carefully. “What would happen then? Would the DEA care enough to keep me safe?”
“If you give us the picture, we can buy you a plane ticket straight home.”
“Home?”
“The U.S.”
Your mouth opened. Then, you frowned.
“This is home. I moved here to start over. I’m not leaving.”
“You won’t be safe if you stay here. Not if that picture leaks.”
“This is confidential information, who says it will…”
“We cannot guarantee your safety if you stay here.”
“Good. Then I burn the fucking picture and this whole nonsense will end.”
This was the first time you actually saw something different on his face than annoyance or boredom. He was alarmed.
“Do not do that.”
“Why? If I don’t give it to you, you won’t do anything. If I give it to you I’ll be in danger. There is no benefit in it for me. I should’ve just burn it the moment I realized what it was.”
“I thought you wanted to help,” he said quietly.
“Yeah, me too. But not if it costs me my life.”
You went to the TV stand and reached under the table cover. You held the picture in front of him and were ready to tear it apart.
“Don’t!” he jumped at once, holding out his hand towards you. His whole attitude changed and you could see at once how important that picture was to him. “Don’t do anything you’ll regret.”
“Now I believe that I’ll regret if I don’t do it,” you said and started tearing the picture. Peña raised his voice. He was panicking.
“Don’t! Let’s just talk about this! Landon!”
Hearing your name cleared your head a little. You felt a shortage of air. You wanted to do the right thing. You wanted to help. But you did not ask for this.
“Put down the picture, and let’s talk about this,” Peña was still reaching out to you, not taking his eyes off your face.
“I don’t wanna get involved in this…” you shook your head desperately. “I…” The doorbell rang and both of you fell silent. You looked at Peña, unsure of what to do.
“Put that away!” he said and grabbed his gun. He leapt to the window and peaked out from behind the curtains. “Dark skin, black hair, green backpack. Do you know him?”
“Danilo!” you said and looked out as well. The man was waiting at the downstairs door, leaning against the fence. You looked at Peña.” He’s a friend of mine. I’d appreciate if you didn’t shoot him.”
He nodded and put the gun away, but was still eyeing Danilo. Then he turned to you and spoke quickly.
“I need to go, but I’ll call you later. Don’t do anything just yet.”
“Peña…”
“Please. Let me find an option that works for both of us.”
The desperation in his voice made you stop in mid sentence. You looked him in the eye. He had really nice eyes.
“Fine,” you said finally, giving in. You and your good heart…“Here’s my number.” You wrote down your phone number on a piece of paper and gave it to him. “Call me tonight. If you don’t call me, I’ll burn the fucking picture.”
“That would be a real shame sweetheart,” he said and put the paper in his pocket. Then he headed for the door. The doorbell rang again. “Don’t make your friend wait too long.”
——
“Who was that?” Danilo asked five minutes later after Peña left. You looked out the window into the direction where the man and his car disappeared.
“No one.”
“Really?”
You could hear jealousy in Danilo’s voice and you rolled your eyes. You really didn’t have the mental capacity for this.
“Yeah. Really. I just met him. He’s connected to the magazine.”
You weren’t sure wether he believed you or not; nevertheless, he didn’t ask more questions about him.
“Well, anyway. I told you I would ask around.”
“What?” you said dreamily. You were still staring outside the window.
“About the photograph.”
Realization came to you and you turned to face Danilo.
“You didn’t tell about it to everyone, right?”
“Only the people I trust.”
“Oh. Okay. And?”
“We all think it would be better for you to let it slide.”
“Let it slide?” you said, confused. “I don’t know about that. It seems kinda important to me.”
“Yeah, well. It can be dangerous as well. And I wouldn’t forgive myself if anything happened to you.”
You stared.
“Sometimes I feel like you’re a bit overprotective of me.”
“No shit.”
He sat down on your couch, leaned back and closed his eyes. You casted down your eyes and whispered.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“What do you want to do?”
“It’s… complicated.”
Itwas complicated. You wanted to help. The people in this country have been through so much pain. And you loved this country. If handing over the picture meant that you can help their cause in any way, you’d do it instantly. But you had also heard strories. You were afraid. Danilo sometimes talked about murders and shootings that happened all over the city. And if you had to choose between you and other people, you’d choose yourself.
It made you feel guilt and shame, though. You felt like a bad person. You didn’t want to be a bad person. But you were still afraid.
“You wanna go for a coffee?” Danilo offered. “Think about something else for a bit?”
“Sure,” you shrugged. “Why not.”
——
It was almost ten in the evening and Peña had still not called. You couldn’t go to sleep because of the nervousness, and you did not leave the vicinity of the phone even for a second. The afternoon with Danilo was at least good for one thing - getting your mind off of things. But as you got home, you had not been able to relax. And the phone call had still not arrived.
It was about ten thirty and you started to think about your options. If Peña was not willing to help you, then what were you supposed to do? Danilo had said not to share the picture. But Danilo had poor judgement when it came to you. You did not want to burn the picture, not for real. You wanted to help.
You wanted to help.
Fucking Peña.
You groaned and decided to rest your eyes for a second. The phone woke you up, at half past two.
“Yes?” you sounded drunk and ill.
“It’s Peña.”
“Oh…” you said smartly, then looked at the clock. “Do you realize what time is it?!”
“It took me a bit longer than expected,” he said. He didn’t sound tired at all. “But there might be a way that’s beneficial for everyone.”
“Yeah?” you said, starting to be more awake. “What is it?”
“Do you wanna work for the DEA?”
You remained silent for a second. Then spoke sharply.
“What?”
“Yeah. Evidence photographer.”
“Are you in serious need of an evidence photographer?”
“Not really.”
“Then?”
“You’d be handling the negatives. Nothing serious. It’s the title that counts.”
“Why?”
“As part of the DEA office, you’d have the right to claim and use protective services.”
“They… How many favours did you ask for this one?”
He didn’t answer.
“They won’t hire me.”
“They will,” he said.
“Is this a promise?”
He stayed silent. Then said, “yes.”
You nodded to yourself.
“Let… let me think about it. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Fine.”
“Give me your number.”
You wrote down his number and hang up. Your leg was shaking anxiously and you couldn’t stay still. You stood up and walked around the living room, thinking.
You loved your recent job. You didn’t want to give it up. But you wanted to help. You also wanted to stay alive.
“But I wanna help,” you murmured.
But I also wanna stay alive, said a voice in your head.
What about Peña’s offer? It seemed so ridiculous. It wasridiculous.
But what if that was the only way to help?
You sat back down on the couch and reached for the phone, dialing the number he gave you. The paper was already wrinkled and soggy from your continuous folding.
“Peña,” said a sleepy voice. You felt a little bit of pleasure knowing that you gave him a taste of his own medicine.
“How bad do you want that picture?” you asked. There was a shuffling sound at his end, then he answered in the clearest voice you had ever heard over a phone.
“I want it more than anything. I want to go after that motherfucker in any way possible.”
“Okay,” you said and you gladly welcomed the determination in your voice.
You looked up at the man and instantly squeezed your bag tighter. He sat down, put his cigarette in an ashtray and leaned back in his chair. He seemed utterly annoyed to be here.
“Who are you?” you asked, determined to keep steadiness in your voice.
“The name’s Agent Peña. I’m DEA. You asked for an agent, am I correct?”
You silently nodded. He held his cigarette to his mouth.
“Then go ahead and tell us why you’re here sweetheart. I’m kinda busy.”
You frowned. You didn’t like how he called you sweetheart.
“Can you put out your cigarette first?” annoyance made you find your voice again. “I’m trying to quit.”
He chuckled darkly.
“Aren’t we all?”
“I’m serious.”
He examined your face for a second then shrugged and did as you asked. The smoke from the ashtray rose to the air and was hanging between the two of you. You let yourself have one long look at him. He was dark haired, olive skinned and had deep brown eyes. His nose was big, but it made his face look sharp and determined. Above a mouth, that was impatienly chewing his tongue, he had a mustache. You decided to get down to business.
“I have something. I really don’t know what to do with it.”
You reached inside the bag and got the envelope out. Peña was looking at it without the slightest interest. He lazily held out his hand to grab it, but you pulled back.
“Before I give it to you, can you promise me to guarantee my safety?”
He raised his eyebrows.
“Your safety?” he glanced at the envelope in suspicion. “Why? What do you have there?”
You swallowed and opened the envelop. You stared at the picture for a moment, then holding on to it tight, you turned it towards Peña. His expression changed immediately. He hastily adjusted himself in the chair and leaned closer. His eyes were sharp, and he had his full attention on the photograph. He seemed shocked. He looked at you with restrained anticipation. He spoke in a very low voice, almost whispering.
“Where did you get this?”
“I’m a photographer,” you whispered back, feeling tense again.
“So what, you just happened to take a picture of a wanted hitman?”
“That’s exactly what happened.” You put the picture down to the table, turning it towards Peña. You pointed at the man you saw in the news. “That’s… That’s La Quica, right?”
He didn’t answer. His eyes were skanning every inch of the photograph; the blue car with the license plate, La Quica and the other man.
“Who is he?” you pointed at the other. Peña ignored the question.
“Did you show this to anyone else?”
You shook your head.
“I wanted to give it to the police.”
He stared.
“What stopped you?”
“I know someone there. He told me to be careful. A lot of policemen are dirty.”
He nodded to himself - maybe wasn’t even aware of doing it. Then he quickly turned the photograph and checked the glass walls behind his back.
“Put this away,” he said, and turned back to you. “This picture can cause you a great deal of trouble.”
“I figured,” you said, sealing the envelope. “This is why I wanted to talk to someone from the DEA. Did you memorize the licence plate?”
He scowled. “Why?”
You frowned. Wasn’t it obvous?
“Well, I’m not going to give you the picture.”
He raised his head and pointed at the envelope.
“Hold on a second. This is serious lead to…”
“You just said it can cause me a great deal of trouble!” You tried to keep your voice down, but you were nervous. “I’m willing to help, but I’m not risking my life for your cause.”
“Our cause?” he looked as if the word left a bad taste in his mouth. You tried to sit straight.
“So, can you provide some kind of protection for me?”
“Protection?” he looked surprised. “If you’re not givin us the picture, then what for?”
“I just showed you a car probably full of drugs and two people connected to Pablo Escobar,” it was outrageous. Why didn’t he understand?! “Don’t you think I should be concerned?”
He squinted his eyes.
“What was your name again?”
“Elizabeth Landon,” you said impatiently. Peña leaned closer and started talking fast.
“Listen here Elizabeth Landon. I’m not saying that I cannot help you, but it will be a lot more difficult to get your protection if I don’t have anything to show to the Ambassador.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, that without the picture there is no reason for the DEA to help you.”
“But you saw the picture!”
“And I’m just only one man,” he shook head said slightly, still looking deeply in your eyes. “If you don’t feel safe, don’t give us the picture. Without it, I can say that I have a tip from a local about a car that transfers narcotics around the city to smaller dealers. I have the plate number. We can work with that.”
“But?”
“But… it would give a lot more ground to the cases of these two. It’s perfect evidence. If we find the car, it’ll worth even more.”
“I don’t want to get in trouble for this.”
Suddenly, you felt really scared. You knew he saw it, too. His hand moved in a certain way that you thought he will hold onto your arm. But then he stopped and retreated.
“I’ll try and put in a few words. Maybe we can find a way to provide protection for the intel.”
You didn’t take your eyes off him. He seemed honest, but how could you be sure? Was it all a mistake? Coming here?
“Why didn’t just mail it to us?” he asked suddenly.
“I’m a photographer. I shot this during work. A local magazine I work for will include my name and my other pictures with date. If this photograph leaks… Do you think I’m in danger?”
The question came out in a shaky voice, in which you barely recognized your own. Peña stared, then silently took the sealed envelope and held it towards you. You took it.
“I’ll ask around tomorrow. Maybe we can help you for the tip alone.”
You nodded. Your throat was dry.
“Can I have a glass of water, please?”
He stood up and walked out the room, where a water tank stood at the wall. He poured you a glass and returned.
“Anything else?”
“Yes,” you said suddenly. “Can you… Can you take me home?”
That took him by surprise. You stood up, zipping your bag.
“My car is towed away. And it’s already dark outside.”
He glanced through the glass into the hallway. There was no one there.
“How far?”
“It’s not far,” you said. Then quickly added, “Please.”
——
“You said it was not far.”
“Well, I didn’t calculate traffic.”
“Well, you should have. I’m not a taxi service.”
You two had been sitting in the middle of a traffic jam for twenty minutes. Peña seemed annoyed, and that made you unfomfortable. It was incredibly awkward. Now you regretted that you had asked him to take you. You would be home by now for sure.
“We’re not far, I can just walk now,” you said, determined to get out of this embarrassing car ride. Peña grunted.
“No fucking way. I’ve taken you this far. I don’t need you walking around in the dark streets of Bogotá.”
“How thoughtful of you,” you mumbled, rolling your eyes.
“Yeah. I don’t want that picture to get lost.”
You looked at him in dismay. Even in the dull light of the evening traffic, you could see a sarcastic little smile on his face. Like it was just a joke to him.
“You’re an asshole,” you burst out. His smile faded and he turned to you, his face expressionless. Silent. Serious.
The line of cars moved and someone from behind honked. Peña turned his attention back to the road and you turned away from him for the rest of the journey. You two were sitting in complete silence, and you were staring outside, seeing young people with friends, elders walking their dogs, moms pushing their strollers. You closed your eyes. You couldn’t believe that the last thirty six hours really happened. It was surreal.
“It’s me,” you said finally ten minutes later, and Peña stopped in front of a house with white walls. He was still silent and did not look at you. It made you angry. You had every right to be offended. Not him. You stepped out of the car without saying a word to him. Then, when you almost closed the door, you looked back. “You said you’ll ask around tomorrow about my protection. I really hope that you keep your promise.”
He turned to you, ready to say something, but you shot the door. Now, being out of that gloomy office, his promise seemed vague and quickly made. It filled you with guilty pleasure that you didn’t give the photograph to him.
You found your keys and stepped inside. You only heard his car leave, when you closed the door behind you.
Summary: When Liz gets a hold of some serious evidence against the infamous druglord, she is afraid and doesn’t know what to do. Will there be anyone, who will be able to help her?
“Shit!” you said as you looked at the clock and realized that you were already late. “Fuck!”
You ran to the bathroom and brushed your teeth with incredible speed. You grabbed your bag, shoved a sandwich and a bottle of water in it, then you searched for a new pair of pants while hastily combing your hair with your shaky fingers. God, you could have killed for a cigarette.
Ignoring the mess in the living room and leaving behind an agressively ringing telephone, you ran out of the house, down the stairs and out to the street. Just then did you remember that your car had been towed away the night before. You grunted in frustration, then started running to the bus stop, checking your watch in every second. You turned right at the corner and made it just in time to be able to catch your breath before stepping on to the arriving vehicle.
Mondays were not your favourite, let’s just put it that way. You had been out the night before, saying - and drinking - goodbye to your sister, visiting from home. You looked up at the sky as though you could see her plane leaving for Seattle. You already missed her. All of a sudden you felt miserably alone.
There was no time to drown yourself in self-pity; you had to hurry to catch the next bus at the intersection of the mall. Trying to ignore your hammering headache, you found a seat and leaned against the window, resting your temple on the cool glass.
“Buenos dias,” you said twenty minutes later, arriving at the park. “Sorry, the bus was late.”
“They are ready for you,” said the director with a heavy accent, pointing at the two women in summer clothing, surrounded by the crew and their artificial lights. You nodded and stepped to the fountain, grabbing your camera from your bag.
Being a photographer was the best decision you had made in your life, and coming to Colombia was the second best. You loved your job and loved the country that you were able to work in. The culture, the people, the food and basically everything just drew you to itself, and you happily let it take you away. Sarah - your sister - didn’t understand. She said you’d have hundreds of places in the U.S. where you could work as a photographer. She said living here was dangerous, especially with everything that was going on all over the country. But you didn’t care. You loved it. You had only been here for a year and a half, but you felt like you never wanted to leave. Not without a good reason, anyway.
You were working in deep concentration, taking a break every now and then to wait for the models to change outfits. Now, as it was close to noon, more and more people started to gather around, just watching what you were doing, or sitting down onto benches, enjoying the sunlight. Children were playing, dogs were barking and you just couldn’t feel happier in that moment.
While the crew made some tidying touches on the models’ make up, you lifted your camera again and started taking pictures of the liveliness. You took a picture of the fountain with some birds drinking from its water, then turned around and took a quick shot of two kids playing swordfight with some sticks. You laughed to yourself and kept taking pictures; an old couple walking hand in hand, two men next to a car shaking hands, a dog sniffing something on the ground then running away, and a bald guy with kind smile handing out ice cream from a foodtruck.
“Take a break Liz, or you’ll exhaust yourself with all that work.”
Hearing the familiar voice, you turned around with a small smile on your lips.
“Danilo!” you laughed at the man. “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”
“I’m not on duty today. I thought I’d take a walk,” he said, and pointed at the camera. “Anything good?”
“Just the usual,” you answered and nodded towards the models, who were almost ready. Danilo took one short look at them and snorted.
“Not the ideal beauty if you ask me.”
You raised and eyebrow.
“Why, what’s the ideal beauty for you?”
As soon as you asked the question, you regretted it. You had met Danilo the day you moved to Bogotá, and it was clear from the first moment that he fancied you. There had been some misunderstanding with your papers, so you had gone to the police station to clear up the case. That’s were you had seen each other for the first time. He had been working there for a time now, and since that day he asked you out several times. It always ended with you saying no. You didn’t know what it was, but you didn’t feel the same way towards him. You liked him, but not romantically. He was a nice friend.
“I’m just saying…” he continued, half jokingly, “…that I know a very nice restaurant around the corner. Maybe we could —”
“I’m sorry,” you said, casting down your eyes. “But I…”
“Don’t have the time?” he guessed. You could see that he was disappointed. You nodded, this time looking into his eyes.
“I’m sorry.”
He locked eyes with you for a moment, then something changed on his face and he was smiling again.
“Well, I guess I just have to wait for my time.”
You swallowed. You knew his time would never come. And you had told him that several times before.
“Yeah… Listen, I’ve got to go back to work,” you said, heading towards the returning models. “See you around, okay?”
Danilo nodded. He squeezed your shoulder, then waved goodbye with a smile.
“See you around, Liz.”
Then he left, his hands in his pockets.
——
At home you went over the negatives first, holding them in front of the window. Then, you put them in a little container and walked to a nearby shop to have them developed. You always liked to see the pictures before sending them in to the magazine; it just gave you certainty that you had done a great job.
After getting back to the house, you talked with Sarah on the phone, then tidied up the house a little bit before making some dinner. Then, you just sat on the couch and ate undercooked pasta while watching some soap opera on the TV. It was in Spanish, naturally. You groaned to yourself. All these months that you had spent here and you still didn’t learn Spanish. You knew basic words, but you just simply didn’t have the time to put more effort into it. You felt ashamed and switched the channel.
It was the evening news, and they were talking about a plane crash that happened not a long time ago. You sat in quiet, glued to the screen. They showed footage; the iron pieces of a plane. Clothes lying on the ground. Bodies. You couldn’t blink. The reporter was saying something else. You could only understand one thing of what she was saying: Pablo Escobar.
Then, the footage changed and two man was talking in a studio. At once, a mugshot-like picture of a young man appeared on the screen, with a text and an amount of money printed under his name. You didn’t need a translation to know that he was associated with the crimes happening in the country. He also seemed oddly familiar to you.
You turned off the TV and tried to get some sleep. Tomorrow you would get the photos and send the really nice ones to your boss. You yawned. You could only hope that he’d like them. Maybe then you’d be able to get a raise and buy a new couch. The old one was a bit lumpy…
You slept and dreamed about planes and models.
——
When you woke up in the morning, you were more tired than ever. You hadn’t slept well, and you couldn’t forget that man in the news, who was so familiar to you. You didn’t know how, and there was a chance that you didn’t even want to know. You just wanted to forget his face and live on.
After lunch you went to get the photographs and the negatives, then getting some snacks and turning on the TV again for some background noise, you started looking over your yesterday’s work. It was pretty good… well, it was actually great. You liked the colors and the background, and you liked the style of the dresses the women wore. After putting the best ones separately and sealing the envelope, you turned to the TV only to see the that mistery man again. You frowned and reached for the remote to turn it off, but something stopped you. They were showing now pictures of hundreds of white packages. Pure cocaine. Then they were showing a map, a certain area marked with red. You recognized the area as the park from yesterday. Then, they showed the same young man as yesterday.
Something hit you and you felt electricity coursing through your body. You jumped back to the table, hastily shuffling the remaining pictures around. Yes! You found it. It was a picture of the two men that you shot yesterday, while randomly taking pictures of your surroundings before Danilo showed up. They were there; two men, standing next to a blue car. The licence plate of the car was perfectly captured, and only now did you relize that what you had thought to be a handshake between the two men carried some deeper meaning. Their face was visible - one of them was the man shown in the news. He was the one that they were looking for.
Sitting in fearful silence, your whole apartment felt uneasy. What should you do? You didn’t know much about policework, but you knew that you have something very valuable in your hands. You quickly turned the picture facing down as if someone could see it from the street outside. You swallowed nervously. What should you do?
——
“I’m here to see Danilo López,” you said to the receptionist at the police station and hoped that you would be able to get things over with quickly. Your hand was shaking nervously and you were craving for cigarettes.
“Liz! What are you doing here?” Danilo’s face darkened as he saw your anxious expression. “Is everything okay?”
“I… I need to talk to you,” you said, quickly glancing around. “Can I talk to you?”
“Of course,” he nodded and luckily didn’t ask any more questions until he stepped into a small room with only one table. “So, what’s happening?”
“This,” you said and took a carefully wrapped envelope from your bag and handed it to him. He opened it and took a look at the picture. For a moment he stared at it, then frowned.
“What am I seeing, exactly?” he asked, eyebrows raised.
“Them. I saw them in the news. I mean, him,” you pointed at the man on the right. “And I’m sure he is the one that they’re looking for.”
“What makes you so certain?” he asked. It made you nervous, him not understanding what you just discovered. You gave out a shaky chuckle.
“Look at him! His face was all over the news. They showed pictures of cocaine and were talking about Escobar!” You fidgeted with the strap of your bag, then continued. “I think this is serious evidence. I think this other man should be investigated.”
You tried to sound determined, but you knew that Danilo could read the nervousness in your voice. He nodded.
“I agree. But why did you bring this to me? Why didn’t you show this to a captain?”
You stared at him, then glanced towards the doorway. You whispered.
“You said once that there are a lot of dirty cops.”
He stared back and you had no idea what was on his mind. Then, his face softened.
“You did right. Hey, Liz…” he gently grabbed your shoulder and made you turn to him again. “You did great. Don’t be afraid. I’ll make sure… I’ll make sure to get this to the right people.”
He looked at the picture again, but you were too scared to let it go out of your hands. You took it back with a sudden move, crinkling it a little in the middle.
“How about I’ll keep it safe? Just… Just until you’ll know exactly what to do with it.”
Danilo looked at you with some sort of caring in his eyes. He was thinking for a long time, then finally nodded.
“That’s also fine with me. But be careful. Don’t show this to anyone else, do you understand? No one.”
“Okay. I won’t.”
“Good,” he said, then took your arm and gently guided you towards the hallway. “I can come over tomorrow if you’d like. I might figure out something by then.”
“Sure,” you answered, but your stomach was in a knot. “Thanks, Danilo.”
“Anytime,” he said, squeezing your shoulder before letting you go.
You left the police station with great relief. When inside, you couldn’t shake the feeling that all eyes were on you. You didn’t like it. Outside was a bit better. You gently touched your bag, making sure that the envelope with the picture was there, then started walking on the street. You didn’t want to go home just yet; you wanted to walk off this tension in your body. And mostly, you wanted to think.
You liked Danilo and he was a good cop, but letting the picture out of your hands was out of the question. You had stached the negatives at home, hiding them under the cupboard in the living room, just in case. You were scared, and intimitated by the amount of power you suddenly had by this tiny photograph.
You were scared to use it. You knew how many were fighting against druglords and smugglers. And you knew that the fight against Escobar was still heavy. You were scared of what that picture might do to you. But you also felt shame when considered doing nothing with it.
And suddenly, you knew exactly what you needed to do.
——
Javier was not having a good day. Ever since the Avianca plane was bombed, the morale of the DEA was in serious decline. Gaviria was in constant danger, fires and vandalism was the daily routine of the country, and now the kidnapping of Colombia’s most famous reporter was the news that everyone was talking about. Javier took one long look at the board filled with names and pictures of Escobar’s suspected associates, then sighed to himself and closed his eyes for a moment. He was in serious need of some sleep. Or some alcohol.
There was a knock on the door and he looked up, the sudden brightness of the vibrant lightbulbs huring his eyes. There was a young man, Acosta standing there, peaking in the room.
“Agent Peña! There’s someone here for you,” he said in Spanish and Javier groaned.
“For me? Who is it?”
Acosta shook his head.
“She said she wants to talk to an agent. She won’t say why. She’s American.”
“Send Murphy.”
“Agent Murphy’s already left, sir.”
That son of a bitch.
“Where is she?”
“Delirio.”
Javier closed his eyes again and massaged the throbbing point in his temple.
“Fine. I’ll be right there.”
Acosta left and Javier was left alone with his board. He did not want to talk to any American. He was not interested in anything other than putting a bullet into each of the heads of the men on the board.
He stood up, grabbed his packet of cigarettes, then stepped out to the hallway. He headed for a tiny room which was kept up for especially cases like this. At the DEA they called it la oficina de delirio. The office of delusion. The name had stuck, because most of the time they would question people there who came in from the streets, claiming to have important information, then proceeding to tell a gossip that was the biggest bullshit the DEA had ever heard.
Javier stopped in front of the office and glanced through the window while placing a cigarette in his mouth. She was a nervous looking young woman, maybe in her late twenties. She was holding on to a small bag, squeezing it while staring at the table she was sitting at. Her right leg was shaking. Javier inhaled the smoke and stepped inside, closing the door behind him.
“So…” he started out in English, locking eyes with the woman. “What do we have here?”
summary: There’s a particular diner Javier goes to before work. Is it because of the food? Well yes, their food is tasty. But something, perhaps someone, keeps drawing him back.
word count: 562
warnings: none? slight fluff. just first meeting stuff
comments: Haven’t written anything in so long, im kinda rusty so spare me :,D Also, i have a series idea with this so if this gets enough notes/people like it i might continue it hehe. (also, no gendered specific terms in this one!)
The diner’s bell jingles, signaling Javier’s arrival. The diner had only been open for two hours, so there were few customers. Javier takes a seat at the bar, his preferred spot. You emerge from the kitchen with another customer’s meal in your hands, which you hand over to them before approaching him.
“G’morning Javi, what would you like today? The usual?”
“Always.”
With a slight nod followed with a soft smile, you return to the kitchen to prepare his meal. He’s perplexed as to why he’s so drawn to you. You’re gentle and quiet, the type that he wouldn’t usually go for. This fascination began with his first meeting with you, when a little gesture you made caused him to alter his daily routine starting that day.
“Sunlight’s Diner is delighted to welcome you! How about we get started with a drink while you browse the menu.”
"Coffee black.” he says, not looking up from the menu.
"Great, i’ll be right back.”
It takes a minute for you to return with his coffee.
"Alright, are you all set?”
That’s when he raises his eyes from the menu for the first time, his deep brown gaze fixed on yours. Mesmerized, words fail to come out of your mouth. You think the man said something, but there was no sound. “You okay there?” he asks, puzzled by your rigid stillness.
You avoid his gaze, staring down at your fidgeting hands, embarrassed. Your flush is pretty noticeable, he notices it and discreetly chuckles, “I’ll take the Sunlight Special.”
“A-ah, that’s wonderful! Coming right up!” You smile as you hurriedly walk to the kitchen. “Damn, what’s with you?” exclaimed the cook, taken aback by your abrupt appearance.
“Nothing! Here you go! "You give the chef his order. While waiting for the meal, you steal a glimpse at him; he appears to be preoccupied with the newspaper he’s reading, so you take the opportunity to study his features. Attractively disheveled hair, broad shoulders, and a well-kept stache over his seemingly soft lips, ‘what a man’
The man looks up directly into their direction, as if he had heard their thoughts. You rush behind the wall, fixating on the chef’s cooking.
‘I wonder if he has someone, he seems like he does. Looking like that? theres no way he doesn’t. If anything, he’s probably secured a wife-’ The ding of the call bell jolted you out of your trance, and you thanked the chef before delivering the food to the broodingly gorgeous man.
"Here’s your order! I hope you enjoy it!” Before you proceeded to the kitchen, you gave him a smile. “Wait,” you hear him say. Turning around, you see the identical stare he gave you the first time he peered at you, sending shivers up your spine. Shaking your head from your rising thoughts, you approach him, “Yes? Is there anything else you need?”
"What’s your name?” You open your mouth, expecting to say something in response to his surprising question, but nothing comes out. It’s incredible what such a handsome man can do to you. “Would you give me your name if I told you mine?” He spoke through your daze, and when you realized what he was saying, you nodded.
“Javier Pena, It’s great to meet you.” He extends his hand to you. You tell him your name while snaking your hand into his. “Great to meet you too, Javier.”
Summary: Big changes have come to the US Embassy—including a new boss for the DEA. Steve deals with the fallout from his arrest. The agents move to Medellín. Ari and Javi cannot find any time alone, and Javi begins to worry Ari doesn’t want him anymore. Ari makes a monumental decision. A failed raid costs the lives of many and results in the return of a familiar face.
Pairings: Javier Peña x OFC Ariana Morgan—DEA Agent and daughter of Pablo Escobar
Fandom: Narcos
Rating:Explicit 18+ ONLY
Word Count: 6,739
Warnings: language, misogyny, angst, SMUT, PiV sex, unprotected sex, kissing, jealousy, prostitution, violence, death, blood…let me know if I missed anything, and I’ll happily add it here!
A/N: Yay! A new chapter! This one takes us to the end of Season 2 Episode 2. I’m gonna try to speed through some of the plot in the next couple chapters. I want to get to the point I need to be in the main storyline to progress the romance. It’s hard to eliminate certain things though…need them for the story to make sense, so please be patient with me. I’m gonna make the chapters longer to help…it’s all planned out, so it’ll work out eventually. Lol
I included conversations from the episode to help anyone who hasn’t seen it or hasn’t watched it in awhile. Sorry if it feels redundant if you’ve seen the show a million times like me.
As always, feel free to let me know if I need to correct the Spanish translations!
“My title might be ‘ambassador’, but that’s some bullshit politician’s word,” Arthur Crosby, the newly appointed US Ambassador to Colombia addressed the room. He sat at the head of the table. Directly across from him at the other head of the table sat Lou Wysession. On either side of Crosby were Bill Stechner—the new CIA station chief, and Claudia Messina—the new DEA attaché…otherwise known as their new boss. Between Stechner and Wysession sat the two CIA operatives, Owens and Russell. Next to Messina was Edward Jacoby from Centra Spike. Javi was next to Jacoby, Ari sat between Javi and Wysession.
After Escobar escaped from prison, the Colombian government was scrambling to right that wrong. Gaviria went on TV and declared Escobar a narcoterrorist. He also accepted the help offered by US President George Bush. Which meant there were some shake ups at the embassy. Crosby—a tough as nail former Navy guy—had brought everyone in to make sure they were all on the same page.
“I know what it means to be on the front lines,” Crosby continued. “And everybody in this room wants the same thing: to take down Escobar. Now, as a veteran of numerous conflicts, I learned one immutable truth: the only way to succeed is by working together, by communicating, by sharing intelligence, and collaborating.” He gestured to Messina. “Uh, this is Claudia Messina. She is the new DEA attaché. She’ll be taking over all DEA operations in-country. Messina?”
“Thank you, Ambassador,” Messina replied. She turned her head to address the table. “The DEA will be opening field offices in Cali, Cartagena, and Barranquilla. As far as the Medellín team is concerned, they will be housed out of CNP headquarters until further notice.” Javi groaned inwardly. Bunking at headquarters was going to be a pain in the ass.
“But only some personnel changes have been made,” Messina added. Ari shot Javi a worried look. What the hell was she talking about? Before he could think too heavily on it, Crosby was speaking once more.
“Alright, now as far as long-term intelligence is concerned, that’s under the purview of the CIA, the station chief, Bill Stechner. Bill, you have anything you’d like to add?” The surly, balding man sniffed once.
“I’m good,” he replied in a bored tone. Javi’s eyebrows went up. This guy was clearly an asshole.
“Alright,” Crosby continued, “who’s here from Centra Spike?”
“I am, sir, Edward Jacoby,” Jacoby replied, raising his hand slightly.
“Alright,” Crosby acknowledged him, “let’s get Centra Spike back in the air immediately. I want to know every word these assholes say and all information flows through me, and I will disseminate as I see fit.”
“Yes, sir,” Jacoby agreed.
“When Escobar sticks his fucking head out, we’re gonna nail that son of a bitch,” Crosby promised. The meeting wrapped up. Javi and Ari quickly followed Messina out of the embassy. Javi was really concerned what she meant by personnel changes.
“I wanted to talk to you about Steve,” Javi called out as she exited the building. They walked down the steps.
“What about him?” She asked. “Other than the fact that he wasn’t here today.”
“Well, I suggested that he stay home,” Javi covered. “You mentioned making some changes. Just what exactly does that mean?”
“It means I’m making some changes,” she replied vaguely.
“Murphy’s a good agent,” Javi insisted. “He’s done a lot of good work down here.” Messina stopped walking and fished a file out of her bag.
“Yeah,” she said sarcastically, handing a page out of the file to Javi. “Looks like it.” Javi and Ari glanced down at the copy of Steve’s arrest report. Ari blew out a breath of frustration. After Steve had called him the night before, Javi had rushed over to Ari’s to grab her before they went down to the station to get Steve. He had been a mess. Javi handed it back and placed his hands on his hips. He rolled his lips, not sure what to say to his new boss. Steve had fucked up…but he didn’t deserve to be sent home.
“Do you have any idea the strings that were pulled to get that guy to not press charges?” Messina asked angrily.
“Sounds to me like the guy would’ve had a dog sniffing up his ass before he got on the plane,” Javi shot back with just a smidge of sass. “Maybe Steve did him a favor.”
“Watch it,” Ari warned him quietly.
“Was that a thank you?” Messina said in a low voice. She sighed. “Be straight with me, Agent Peña, and I’ll be straight with you. I don’t need a guy like that making my life more difficult. And making the DEA look bad.”
“Ma’am—” Javi began.
“—Messina,” she cut in. “Or boss.” Javi watched her for a moment. It was clear what she was doing. Asserting her dominance, letting everyone know that she was tough and capable…trying to overcompensate for being a woman in a male dominated career. His heart tugged. He knew this was the same shit Ari dealt with every day, and he hated that they had to fight so hard just to prove they were worthy. Still, Messina had no fucking clue what they had been dealing with…how fucked up Colombia was right now.
“We’ve been down here a long time,” he told her, his voice raspy with emotion. “You’ve been down here all of what, two hours?”
“Dammit, Javi,” Ari groaned quietly. Javi swallowed audibly.
“It may not make the front page, but…a lot of the intel we have is because of Steve,” Javi continued. “He’s a good man. He’s going through some shit right now. You know he was at the airport to stop his wife from leaving the country with their kid. He didn’t make it. Add that to watching Escobar build a five star prison and then walking out the back door. We both deserve to see this through…boss.” Messina stared at him a moment and then walked away.
“Wait!” Ari called out. Messina stopped and turned back to Ari. She stepped in front of Javi to address their boss. “I know what you must be thinking about these guys.”
“And what’s that, Agent Morgan?” Messina asked. Javi noticed she wasn’t as short with Ari as she was with him.
“That they’re misogynistic assholes, and you’ll never earn their respect,” Ari answered. “But that couldn’t be further from the truth. I know you feel the need to come on strong…let everyone know you’re tough shit and deserve this job. I get it. I do it too. But you don’t need to do that with us. This team…it’s something special. We all respect the hell out of each other. We have each other’s backs. No matter what. Steve and Javi are the only men I’ve ever worked with that weren’t misogynistic assholes. They don’t give a shit that I’m a woman. They trust me to do the job. Steve is a damn good agent. He fucked up…but we all have at some point, right? He’s sacrificed a lot to be here and fight this war. We all have. Just…have a little faith. And a fuckload of patience.” Messina’s lips twisted as she contemplated Ari’s words. Javi saw the glimmer in her eye and realized she was holding back a smile.
“I remember you,” Messina told Ari. “From the New York office.” Ari’s eyebrows raised.
“I didn’t think you would, boss,” Ari replied in surprise. “We didn’t have a lot of interaction.”
“You were new,” Messina said, “but I remember you. You held a lot of promise then. From what I’ve read in your file, you’ve more than lived up to that.” Messina paused. “I’ll need to speak to Murphy. Once you’re settled in Medellín. Chopper leaves at eight o’clock tomorrow morning.”
“Yes, boss,” they replied. She nodded once and left. Javi just stared at Ari, slightly in awe.
“You good?” She asked when he didn’t move.
“Yeah,” he said gruffly. “Thanks…for that. Appreciate you sticking up for us.” Ari rolled her eyes playfully.
“Like I would do anything else,” she said teasingly. “Let’s head back and let Steve know what’s going on.”
“Good idea,” Javi agreed. “Plus I guess we should pack.” Ari nodded and they made their way home.
Less than half an hour later they were seated on Steve’s couch. The place was a wreck, and so was Steve. Steve cracked open three beers and handed one to each Ari and Javi.
“Have you, uh…had anything to eat in the twenty four hours?” Javi asked him, his face creased in worry.
“This new boss,” Steve said, clearly ignoring Javi, “Messina…what do you know about her?”
“Only what I’ve heard,” Javi answered. “She’s out of New York. Doesn’t put up with any shit. Ari knows better than me. She worked with her a bit in New York.” Steve turned to face Ari.
“I’m not gonna lie, Steve,” Ari told him, “she’s tough. She really doesn’t tolerate anyone’s bullshit. She was a great agent, but she has something to prove, now more than ever. There were plenty of murmurs about her getting this promotion…a lot of the men in the DEA are pissed it went to her. She won’t sit idly by and prove them right.”
“Fuck!” Steve exclaimed. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Am I out?”
“I don’t know,” Javi answered honestly.
“Well, I ain’t ready to go home yet, Javi. I’ll tell ya that.” Steve threw his bottle cap across the room. “Dammit!” Steve fell into his chair just as Javi and Ari stood.
“Take a shower,” Javi told him. “Sober up.” Ari shook her head at Javi. He wasn’t doing much to help lighten Steve’s mood.
“We spoke to Messina,” Ari said softly. “I don’t know how much good it did, but I feel like she was listening to us. I don’t think you’re going home, Murphy.” Steve offered her a small smile.
“Thanks,” he replied quietly.
“Remember, eight a.m.,” Ari reminded him. Steve nodded.
“Talk to you,” Javi told him as they left. They walked down the stairs to their apartments.
“Wanna grab some dinner after we pack?” Javi asked her.
“Sounds good,” she said with a smile. “Just come over when you’re done.”
Javier sat up, swung his legs over the side of the bed and grabbed a cigarette and his lighter off the nightstand. He put it in his mouth and cupped his hands around the tip as he ignited the lighter. They had packed up what they needed for the transfer to Medellín, eaten dinner, and come back to his place for a very vigorous round of sex. Javi knew it would be next to impossible to find time to be together once they were camped out at headquarters. He couldn’t resist one last taste.
Ari rolled to her side and sat up. She leaned down and grabbed her panties off the floor. She stood up and quickly pulled them on. She spotted her bra a couple feet away put that on as well. She was searching around for her pants when Javi noticed her movements.
“What are you doing, hermosa?” He asked, blowing out a puff of smoke.
“Looking for my damn pants,” she huffed, bent down at the foot of the bed. “Did you really have to toss my clothes all over the room?” Javier chuckled.
“I was in a bit of a hurry.” He heard her snicker quietly from her place on the floor, followed by a triumphant sound. She stood up, jeans and shirt in hand. She tossed the shirt on the foot of the bed while she stepped into her jeans.
“Why are you getting dressed?” Javier asked, taking another drag of his cigarette. She pulled her jeans over her curvy rear, pulling the zipper up and buttoning them.
“Because it would be weird if I walked out the door naked.” Javier frowned.
“You’re leaving?” He asked, surprised. What the hell was going on?
“Yeah,” she answered, grabbing her shirt off the bed and struggling to turn it right side out.
“You don’t have to go yet,” Javier said, crushing the cigarette out in the ashtray on the nightstand. “Lay down, relax. We can go for round two in a bit.” He smiled seductively. She shook her head, before pulling her shirt over it.
“Nah,” she muttered through the fabric. Her head popped out the opening and she quickly pushed her arms through the sleeves. “I’m gonna head home. I’m tired.” She straightened out the shirt, smoothing it down over her hips.
“C’mon, baby,” Javier said, reaching out and grabbing her hand, trying to pull her closer to him. “Stay a little longer. I haven’t gotten enough of you tonight.” She pulled her hand away gently.
“No, Javi,” she told him softly. Javier scowled.
“The one time I ask you to stay you say no?” he grunted. She scoffed.
“You’re not asking me to stay, Javier,” she fumed. “You’re asking me to wait here until your dick gets hard again so you can fuck me and then tell me to leave. We have an early morning and a long fucking day tomorrow—and if I stay, I’m going to fall asleep, and I don’t feel like having you wake me up and kick my ass out. I’m exhausted and want to sleep.” Javier felt furious…and guilty. “Don’t look at me like that, Peña. Don’t get all pissy because you’re not getting your way. We decided on a casual thing—you’re not my boyfriend. We don’t spend the night together. You live your life, and I live mine. Sometimes we fuck. End of story. You want to renegotiate the terms of that? Fine. But not tonight. I’m tired, and I’m leaving. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Javi stared in shock, long after he heard the front door close. Did that actually just happen? Ari blew him off. She got her fill and just left. Fuck, he felt a little cheap. For the first time in his life, Javier Peña felt used…fuck, was this how she felt every time he left her? Was she this crushed when she would look up at him with those gorgeous, soft eyes and ask him to stay—only for him to shoot her down? He chewed on his lower lip. He didn’t like feeling like this. And he hated even more that he may make Ari feel this way. Fuck.
Ari walked back into her apartment. She pulled off her pants and shirt and slipped on a tank top. She climbed under the covers and stared at the ceiling. This new method was eating at her. Pretending they meant nothing…it felt so wrong. She needed to tell Javi how she felt. She hated lying to him…though technically it was more like omitting rather than lying. Still, she didn’t like it. Javi deserved the truth. It didn’t matter to her if he didn’t reciprocate her feelings. She was fine with keeping things the way they were for now, but he deserved to know the whole story. Playing games wasn’t her style. She was direct and honest. It was time to be an adult and tell him she loved him. She swallowed the lump in her throat. She just hoped she wouldn’t scare him away before they even got a chance to try.
The three DEA agents made it to Holguín in one piece. Javi was still fuming over the way Ari had walked out on him the night before. They were shown to their room—their one room. The three of them were expected to bunk together.
“Wow,” Steve scoffed as they walked in. It was a decent size room, but it was a mess. There was a metal bunk bed, a single bed, a desk, a few chairs, some rolled up mattresses, and a bunch of junk they’d have to move around.
“Fucking hell,” Ari groaned. Javi glanced around. He’d been right. It would be impossible for the two of them to fuck while they were stuck here. Though, with how pissed he was, he didn’t really want to fuck her anytime soon.
“Dibs!” Ari and Steve shouted at the same time. They both ran to the single bed. They crashed into each other and erupted into laughter.
“Move your ass, Murphy,” Ari grunted through her giggles. “I was here first.”
“Nah uh,” Steve argued. “I definitely beat you!” Ari shoved him playfully.
“Maybe we should just let Javi have it,” Ari offered. Javi stared at her in fascination and barely suppressed anger. He clenched his jaw and looked away. He needed to get his shit together. He couldn’t decide if he wanted to strangle her or hold her down on that bed and fuck her stupid.
“I’m good,” Javi told them. “I don’t mind the bunk bed.”
“Gonna be hard to fuck your girls on a bunk bed, Javi,” Steve teased. Ari made an odd, strangled sound.
“No one, I repeat no one is having sex in here,” Ari warned in a low voice. “The last thing I want is to walk in and see either of your asses plowing into some poor, unsuspecting girl.”
“I’m a married man,” Steve protested. “Give me some fucking credit, Ari.” Ari nodded, and they both turned to Javier.
“What?” He asked in a huff.
“No fucking in here, Peña,” Steve told him.
“Yeah, I heard,” he said gruffly. They both just continued to stare at him. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, I do have some self control.” When he saw the small smirk on Ari’s beautiful mouth that familiar anger boiled up again. He felt the need to lash out, and that self control he just boasted of vanished.
“I’ll just go to the brothel…or her place,” Javi tossed out. “At least then I know I won’t be bothered and we’ll have hours to enjoy each other.” The flash of hurt across Ari’s face sent a spark of satisfaction through Javi, but it was instantly replaced with a hot stab of remorse. She quickly schooled her features, the sign of pain gone in almost an instant.
“Works for me,” she said flippantly. “Though I don’t have the brothel option. Still have yet to find one with men.” She sighed dramatically. “Guess I’ll stick to bars and one night stands.” Javi clenched his fists and turned away from her. He wondered if this was all for Steve’s benefit, or if she really wanted to find random men now.
“So, who’s taking this bed?” Steve asked.
“You can have it,” Ari replied. “You’re way taller than me, so no need for you you try to fit in a bunk bed.” She hopped off the bed and tossed her bag on the floor next to the bunk bed. Javi stretched himself out on the lower bunk. Ari grabbed one of the rolled up mattresses and unfurled it. She hoisted it over her head and tried desperately to get it on the bunk. She jumped and pushed the bulky mattress over her head. Javi suppressed a smile. She looked adorable. Her tiny little body trying so desperately to get the bed put together. By her fourth attempt Steve took pity on her.
“Oh hell, Ari,” he sighed. He took the mattress from her and easily placed it on the bunk. He grabbed the sheets and made the bed up for her. Once he was done he glanced down at her and then back to the bed.
“Ari, can you even get up here?” He asked. This bunk bed wasn’t like a normal one that had an easy way to climb up. Ari glanced around trying to figure out her best course of action. She gripped the sides and tried to pull herself up, but she was just too short. She dropped down and huffed in frustration. Her eyes danced around the room, looking for a solution. She made a small sound of triumph and walked over to an arm chair. She dragged it to the bed and pressed it against the frame. She climbed on top of the chair and stood op the back. It gave her just enough leverage to hoist herself onto the mattress. She grunted and flipped over onto her back.
“Piece of cake,” she panted slightly. Steve shook his head.
“Christ,” he swore quietly. “Get down, you lunatic. I’m taking the top bunk. Don’t need you breaking your fucking neck getting into bed.”
“It’s fine, Steve,” she insisted.
“Nope,” he argued. He reached his hands up towards her and motioned her forward. “C’mon, don’t be stubborn.” She sat up and scooted forward until her legs were dangling over the side. Steve gripped her waist and pulled her down. Javi felt a surge of jealousy at the sight of Steve’s hands on his girl. He quickly extinguished it. Steve wasn’t interested in Ari, and Ari wasn’t hisgirl.
“I’ll just take the bottom bunk,” Ari insisted.
“Javi’s shorter than me too,” Steve sighed. “Just makes sense for me to be up here.” To prove his point he easily vaulted himself into the bed. “See? Easy peasy.”
“Fine,” Ari relented. They spent the next hour clearing up the clutter, making up their beds, and unpacking the what they had brought with them.
“I think this is as good as it’s gonna get,” Steve sighed. Javi glanced around. It wasn’t much, but it would do. They each had a bed, there was a desk, and a couple chairs for them to sit on.
“It’ll work,” Javi replied. “What do we have on for today?”
“Tip line,” Ari answered.
“Fuck,” Steve swore. “I swear, Pinzón is punishing us or something.”
“Nah,” Javi disagreed. “They just don’t want us in their way. Keeping us on the sideline.”
“It’s bullshit,” Steve spat.
“Agreed,” Ari said. “But, we gotta play by their rules if we want to stay.”
“I miss Carrillo,” Javi muttered.
“Me too,” Ari said softly.
“You heard from him at all?” Steve asked.
“Yeah,” Ari answered with a nod. “I still talk to him every week. He’s keeping busy. Juliana loves Spain. He hates it.”
“Maybe he can come back one day,” Steve said after a bit of silence.
“Maybe,” Ari said, a wisp of hopefulness in her voice. The rest of the day was uneventful. They had developed a system with the tip line. If three calls came in for the same location from separate tips, they sent men in. Most of the tips were bullshit—even Pablo’s guys called in to mess with them.
A couple days later they had received their third call for the same location. The DEA rolled out with CNP, excited to finally have something to do…only to find it was yet another dead end. They busted through the the door to find the building abandoned and a scarecrow in the middle of the room. It had George Bush’s face attached to it with a dick drawn next to his mouth. They made it back to headquarters just in time for Messina to arrive.
“Get ready to get your balls snipped,” Javi teased Steve. Ari and Javi waited nervously at their desks, trying to focus on work. Javi was worried. Messina had every reason to send Steve home. He just hoped she would take his and Ari’s words to heart and give Steve another chance. Javi watched Ari. She was shuffling papers around and chewing on her bottom lip. He wanted to tug it out from between her teeth. She always chewed on her lip when she was worried.
His anger at her had dissipated over the last few days. He knew he was being irrational. There was no reason for him to be angry with her. She was just doing exactly what he had asked her to do. Still, he didn’t like her treating their relationship so casually…even though that’s exactly what it was. These feelings and insecurities sat heavy in his gut. This was uncharted territory, and it terrified him. So, Javier did what he did best when he was terrified. He found a distraction—and her name was Gabriela. Two days ago Javi’s anger was at a boiling point. He was pissed to be stuck on the tip line, worried about Steve’s future at the DEA, and sexually frustrated. He had no way to get Ari alone. And what was worse than all that…Ari didn’t seem to be affected at all. She didn’t seem to want to sneak away with him for a few steamy minutes. It was like he was transported back in time before that fateful Christmas when this all began.
Javi found Gabby two nights ago. He had gone to a brothel to relieve some stress, but no one caught his eye. They were too tall, or too thin, or too blond…or they didn’t have beautiful violet eyes. Just when he was about to give up and go back to headquarters he bumped into Gabby. She immediately saw the conflict within him and offered to buy him a drink. They left the brothel and went to the bar next door. Three drinks later they were at Gabby’s apartment with their clothes off. It had been good…fine…adequate. He felt a little less tension, but somehow even more cheap than the night Ari left him.
No woman was the same. Ever since he slept with Ariana, no one could compare. Sleeping with the others started to feel wrong. He shook himself mentally. It wasn’t wrong. They weren’t exclusive, and they never lied about what they did. Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling of betrayal.
Javi caught movement in the corner of his eye. Ari’s head had jerked up towards Messina’s office. Javi glanced over and saw Steve walking towards them. He dropped down into his chair with a sigh. Javi stopped typing to look him in the eye. Steve shrugged and picked up some negatives to get to work. Trujillo walked into the room, finishing up a call on his walkie.
“Vieron a La Quica comprando un inodoro,”(They saw La Quica buying a toilet.) Trujillo told them.
“I got ‘La Quica’ and ‘toilet’,” Steve muttered, his eyes squinting to examine the negatives. Javi suppressed an eye roll at his partner. The son of a bitch still couldn’t speak Spanish after all these years.
“Y adivinen cuál compró,”(Not just any toilet) Trujillo continued. “El mismo que tenía Pablo en La Catedral. Un Kohler.”(The same one that Pablo had at La Catedral. A Kohler.)
“Alright, well, now, that I got,” Steve said, sitting back.
“We can’t take that to Pinzón,” Javi replied. “He’ll laugh us out of the office.” He turned to Trujillo. “Necesitamos más.” (We need more.)
“Pero ¿qué más, Peña?”(But what else, Peña?) Trujillo asked.
“¿Adónde lo vieron?” (Where did they see him?) Javi asked.
“Yendo hacia las lomas por la vereda San Isidro,”(Going toward the hills on San Isidro Road.) Trujillo answered.
“Maybe we can get Centra Spike to do a flyover, see what they can come up with,” Javi offered.
“Be a lot better than the fucking tip line,” Steve muttered around the cigarette he was lighting.
“I’ll run it by Jacoby,” Ari said, standing up.
“Nah, I got it,” Javi said, stubbing out his cigarette.
“It’s fine, Javi, I can handle it,” she insisted.
“I said, I got it,” he grunted. “I’ll be right back.”
“What’s his problem?” He heard Ari ask Steve as he walked away. You, he thought. You’re my problem, hermosa. I can’t get you out of my head, and you don’t seem to give a fuck about me anymore. Javi stormed into Centra Spike’s office.
“We have intel,” he told Jacoby.
“Yeah?” The eager young agent perked up.
“A toilet,” Javi said.
“A toilet?” Jacoby asked incredulously.
“It’s a long story,” Javi said vaguely.
“Give me the Cliff’s Notes,” Jacoby pried.
“Look, just do me a favor,” Javi said firmly, “and ask them to sweep over that specific area. We’re looking for any chatter from Escobar’s sicarios. Anything at all. You recognize a voice, you come get me.” Jacoby nodded and Javi left. He turned the corner and was grabbed and pulled through a door. The door clicked shut and his eyes took a moment to adjust to the dim light. He was in a supply closet. He looked down into the warm eyes of Ari.
“What are you doing?” He asked.
“Making time,” Ari whispered before she pulled his mouth down to hers. He sunk into the kiss—allowed himself to get lost for just a few moments—before he pulled back slightly.
“Hermosa,” he whispered. “Are you crazy? This place is crawling with people. We could get caught.”
“I locked the door,” she replied, running her hands under the hem of his shirt and up his bare chest. “I’ve missed you, baby. It’s been too long since you’ve been inside me.”
“Fucking hell,” Javi groaned. He cupped her face with one of his large hands and kissed her deeply.
“We can’t do this here,” he whispered against her lips.
“Then where?” She begged.
“Fuck, I don’t know,” he sighed. He pressed his forehead against hers and squeezed his eyes shut. “I didn’t think you wanted this.”
“Wanted what?” Ari asked.
“This, us,” Javi replied quietly. “You’ve barely shown any interest since we’ve been here…I just thought…” he shrugged, trying to play off the pain he was feeling.
“Oh…Javi,” she whispered sadly. “Of course I want this.” She reached up to caress his cheek. “How could you think any different? You’re like an addiction. I crave you. There’s been something on my mind this week.” She paused and looked into his eyes, searching for something. He saw hers harden slightly in resolve before softening again.
“I need to tell you something, Javier,” she said in a soft, yet determined voice. She looked into his eyes and spoke words that both thrilled and terrified him.
“I love you.” He stared at her, completely dumbfounded. She loved him? How was that even possible? He was nothing and she was everything. He didn’t deserve her love. Hell, he didn’t even know if he wanted it.
“I don’t expect you to say it back,” she told him gently. “It doesn’t matter if you don’t feel the same way. We’ve always been honest with each other, and this is something I can’t keep from you anymore. But I don’t want you to worry. Nothing has to change.” She caressed his jaw and rubbed her thumb along his plush bottom lip. “I just couldn’t go another day without telling you. I love you.”
“Shit,” he rasped. He turned them around quickly and pressed her up against the door. “Keep quiet for me, querida.” He kissed her again and practically ripped her pants down her thighs. His hand cupped her roughly through her panties.
“Jesus, baby, you’re already soaked,” he groaned.
“I told you,” she rasped, “I crave you…I need you, Javi.” He spun her around, pressed her chest against the door, and pulled her panties down. He fumbled with his belt and zipper for a minute before gripping his dick and lining himself up. He slammed home in one thrust. Ari moaned softly. Javi bit into her shoulder to keep himself from shouting in ecstasy. She felt like heaven. She was the perfect woman…and she loved him. His heart swelled with pure, unfiltered joy. He didn’t deserve it, but dammit, he decided he liked how it felt to be loved by her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back closer to his chest. He nuzzled his face into the side of her neck and began to thrust. He squeezed her tighter, wanting to melt into her. He had never felt this much emotion before. He was elated…aggravated…confused…unworthy. But all he could concentrate on in the moment was how fucking good she felt in his arms. He rocked into her a few more times before pushing her up against the door and pounding into her like he hated her. He unwrapped his arms and gripped her hip and shoulder.
“Fuck,” she grunted. “Right there.” Javi angled his hips and thrust up. He wasn’t going to last long. She felt too amazing.
“Please tell me you’re almost there, hermosa,” he pleaded in a husky voice.
“Yes, so close,” she moaned.
“Shh,” he warned. “Gotta keep it down.” He moved his hand from her hip to rub her clit.
“Shit,” Ari gasped. She turned her face into her arm that was supporting her against the door. She bit down on her sleeve to keep from screaming as her orgasm crested. Her pussy clamped around him, and he buried his face in her neck as he spurted violently inside her. They practically collapsed against the door.
“Fuck,” he groaned when they finally surfaced from their haze. “That was incredible.”
“Mmm, yes it was,” Ari smiled drunkenly. They fixed their clothing and Ari turned around. She kissed him sweetly.
“Thanks, Javi,” she whispered. “I’ll go out first.” She looked at him for a long, silent moment. “I love you.” With that whispered declaration she opened the door and looked out before disappearing. Javi stood there for a moment just staring at the door. Did that actually just happen? He still couldn’t believe that she loved him. He kept expecting to wake up and everything had just been a dream. He shook himself and left the closet. He needed to be accessible in case Jacoby found anything.
A couple hours later Jacoby had something for them. He played the tape. It was a call between Velasco and a woman.
“That is definitely Velasco,” Jacoby told them. “No ID on the girl.”
“So what’s the deal with the other call?” Steve asked him. Jacoby played the next call, but it was garbled and impossible to understand.
“The quality’s too poor for voice recognition,” Jacoby replied. Javi rubbed his forehead with the heel of his hand. He was frustrated. He stood up and moved to the table where Messina, Trujillo, Steve, and Ari were looking at aerials.
“Alright,” Steve sighed, “these were taken about two hours ago.” He began pointing out buildings in the photos. “What’s here is fincas, fincas. Everything else is just smaller houses here, here, and here, and the outskirts.”
“You can probably eliminate the smaller ones,” Javi told them, “just not Escobar’s style.”
“He’d be in one with more than one access point,” Ari added. “Needs alternate escape routes.” Javi nodded in agreement, but didn’t say anything. Ari tried to catch his eye, but he’d been avoiding her since her confession in the supply closet. She swallowed her fear that she had ruined things.
“Which of the fincas have road access both east and west?” Messina asked.
“This one here,” Javi pointed out. “It’s rough terrain down the back of the mountain, but it’s drivable.”
“It’s gotta be the one,” Steve said excitedly. “We’d have a good chance if we came at him from both sides.” Messina pondered over the photos and information for a moment.
“This is good,” she said finally.
“Great,” Javi replied. “What about Pinzón? We’re gonna need vehicles. We’re gonna need men.” Messina tossed her pen on the desk.
“Leave Pinzón to me,” she said. She stalked off to find the colonel.
“Think he’ll go for it?” Steve asked.
“No way,” Ari snorted. They went back to their desks to keep themselves busy until Messina came back. Fifteen minutes later Messina strode passed them on the upper level.
“What did he say?” Javi called out to her.
“He said no,” she replied without breaking stride and disappeared into her office.
“Told ya,” Ari said with a shake of her head.
“Oh, she’s not gonna last,” Steve smirked. “She gives up pretty fuckin’ easy.” Javi leaned back and lit a cigarette.
“Fuck,” Javi sighed. “Are we ever gonna catch a break?”
“Yes,” Ari answered, even though he didn’t seem to direct the question towards her. He still didn’t look at her, even after she spoke. She decided not to say anything more and leave Javi to his thoughts. He’d speak to her when he was ready.
Within an hour Messina was back.
“Gear up,” she told them.
“What?” Steve asked.
“We’re moving out,” she answered. “Raiding the finca.”
“Holy shit,” Steve whispered. “How’d you manage it?”
“Just a few well placed calls, and the colonel had a change of heart,” Messina said with a smirk. Ari chuckled softly. They quickly suited up—guns, badges, cuffs, tac vests. They jumped in the trucks along with CNP.
“This isn’t exactly the way I’d do this,” Ari muttered.
“Hmm?” Messina asked.
“You need to use stealth with Escobar,” Ari told her. “Go in quiet, don’t let him know you’re coming. Pinzón is just full tilt, guns blazing. Escobar has lookouts everywhere. He’ll be gone before we hit the property.”
“Fuck,” Steve grunted. Sure enough, half an hour later, they were standing in the courtyard of the abandoned finca.
“Peña! Morgan! Messina!” Steve shouted to them. They walked over to him to see a crated toilet—the same toilet Trujillo’s contact had told them about. Javi ground his teeth and walked over to Pinzón.
“He was here,” he said with quiet anger, right in the colonel’s face. He stormed off, his annoyance clear. Steve followed him. Ari took two steps then turned to face Messina and Pinzón.
“You wanna catch Escobar, you have to think like Escobar,” she warned. “This cowboy macho bullshit won’t work.” With that she turned and followed her partners out.
Needless to say, Escobar was not happy about him and his family having to flee their safe house in the middle of the night. He was pissed, and he wanted revenge. The next day he ordered a massive attack on CNP. Cops were gunned down all over Medellín. The city was a bloodbath. The DEA agents stepped out of headquarters and into total chaos. They were bringing all the injured cops back to headquarters for medical treatment. Men were screaming, blood and broken bodies everywhere. Javi stood in shock next to Ari. He turned and saw tears in her eyes.
“Look at what he’s done,” she whispered. “My father…my blood…he took all these lives…caused all this pain…what the fuck?” Javi didn’t say anything. This wasn’t a new concept to either of them. They had seen Escobar’s cruelty firsthand before. It was really hitting Ari today for some reason, and it tore Javi to shreds to see her in pain. He squeezed her hand briefly, letting her know he was still there, still by her side, still saw who she really was, no matter who was her blood.
“Peña!” Steve shouted to their left. They looked over to see him and Messina helping to work on some of the injured. Ari and Javi shook off their emotions and got to work. These guys needed a steady hand and a focused mind.
A couple days later they sat at their desks kind of staring off into space. It had been a rough week. So many men had lost their lives. They had no idea what the future held at this point. Colonel Pinzón had resigned, disgraced and ashamed of what had occurred under his leadership.
“Morgan!” Messina called out. All three of them looked up at their boss. “Can I see you in my office?” Ari sighed and got up.
“What’s that about?” Steve asked.
“No idea,” Ari shrugged and followed after Messina. They were gone several minutes before either of them spoke.
“Should we be worried?” Steve looked at Javi.
“I don’t think so,” he said, rubbing his bottom lip.
“You’re worried,” Steve said nervously.
“Huh?” Javi asked, surprised.
“You always do that when you’re worried,” Steve nodded towards Javi’s thumb on his lip.
“Shit,” Javi swore and moved his hand.
“He also does this thing where he twitches his fist,” Ari added, making them both jump. They hadn’t realized she returned. She was smiling.
“Good news or bad?” Steve asked.
“Great,” Ari beamed. She sat down and looked at both of them. Then told them the best news they’d heard in over a year.
Summary: Sleep with a communist? That would be downright un-American. Except Javier Peña never met a damsel he didn’t want to rescue, a small penance for the woman he left behind at the altar all those years ago. He can provide occasional comfort, and if that means taking a bit for himself - well - that should be enough to get by.
Warnings: SMUT, PIV sex, oral (f receiving), creampie, Javi being tender but also not, it’s the early years this man is A Mess Emotionally
A/N: Javi in Season 1, man. It’s just a Whole Thing. Thanks as always to my beloved @ezrasbirdie for lookin’ this baby over. This is a stand-alone but could also be a prequel to something else still formulating in my brain.
She’s beautiful.
It’s the first thought that occurred to Javier Peña as the door to his apartment swung open, and he found himself face to face with a dark-haired woman, her soulful brown eyes shining with a plea for help.
He didn’t say it, though.
“Well, what have we here?” He asked, his glance flicking back and forth between the stranger and Murphy’s wife Connie, both women clad in blue scrubs from the comuna.
“I’ll explain later. I’ll be right back,” Connie said, waving the dark-haired woman inside. “Go,” she added, and then Connie turned on her heel, her blonde ponytail bobbing behind her, leaving Javier as bewildered as he was the moment he opened the door.
Closing it, he turned to see the woman pacing anxiously in his kitchen.
He hadn’t even made coffee yet. Damn, but he was going to be late to the office.
“Uh, can I get you some coffee, miss-?”
“Elisa,” the woman replied, sighing and wrapping both arms around herself, as though she could force her body to hold still. Kinetic energy raced through her, nerves rattled, and she seemed to be on the verge of bursting.
A human hand grenade, Javi thought, shaking his head. But who was this woman? And why had Connie unceremoniously dropped her off at his door, as though he were running a daycare?
“Elisa,” Javi said, her name a low, delicate song on his lips, “why don’t you have a seat and tell me why you’re here? I promise, no harm will come to you.”
Elisa took a deep, steadying breath before sinking onto the sofa; seated, but not relaxed.
“Connie says I can trust you. She says you are a good man,” Elisa said, the question implied in the statement. A flicker of hesitation ran through her, but she took another breath and continued.
“I have information about Pablo Escobar and M-19. They are- they are working together. They’re planning something big. I’m not sure what it is, but it’s bad, and-” her words sped up, and Javi placed one large palm on top of her hands, twisted together on her lap.
“It’s all right. Take your time. Tell me everything you know, and I’ll make sure you’re protected.”
Elisa winced.
“How can you do that?”
Javi placed a hand on her shoulder, in what he meant to be a calming gesture, but the warmth of her through the scrubs made his heart race.
He shouldn’t like this part so much, but it never gets old.
“I’m a DEA agent, Elisa. The U.S. government has the power to make a lot of things happen. And one of them is making sure you stay safe, if you’re my confidential informant. That means your identity stays a secret.”
Elisa scoffed.
“They are really going to protect a communist?”
Javi pursed his lips.
“How communist are we talking? Like, are we seizing power for the people or just some light organizing?”
Elisa gave him a deadpan stare.
“My boyfriend - well, former boyfriend - is the leader of M-19.”
Javi sat back, blowing out a breath.
“Shit,” he said, reaching into his pocket for a cigarette.
“Yeah,” Elisa said, watching him light it. “Shit is right. Can I have one of those?”
Javi pulled a second cigarette from his pocket, lit it, and handed it to Elisa, who took a long drag and leaned forward, her forehead cradled in one palm.
“Okay,” Javi said at last, rubbing his palms on his thighs. “Actionable intel. If you help me give them specifics - names, meeting places, routines, things like that - we can make sure it gets to the right people. I won’t bring you down to the Embassy for now; I don’t want to take the chance someone on Escobar’s payroll gets wind that you’re helping us.”
Elisa nodded, tucking her leg underneath her body on the sofa. It made her look smaller, and Javi had the absurd urge to pull her into his lap and hold her.
What was wrong with him?
Javi’s instincts were right on the money; no sooner had Elisa arrived at his apartment, than absolute chaos broke out in Bogotá.
The attack on the Supreme Court, ostensibly a blow dealt by communists seeking to overthrow the current regime, had a deeper purpose - to seek out and destroy all the evidence gathered against Escobar for a trial.
Javi had to hand it to him; Pablo lived in a world without limits. If he didn’t want to face a trial, why not just eliminate the court altogether? The concept made his head spin, and yet it was almost poetic in its simplicity.
The end result, aside from a torched court system and several dead justices, was that Elisa was more important than ever. The evidence was gone.
All of it.
Which meant that she was the only person (alive, and willing) who could give evidence tying Escobar to M-19, and to the attack they had just carried out on his behalf.
To make sure she got that chance, however, Javi had to keep her safe. He had to keep her hidden away.
Which meant her whole world was suddenly the inside of his apartment, and the solitary bachelor pad wasn’t so solitary anymore.
Elisa didn’t have much stuff; Connie had dropped her off with essentially the clothes on her back, then returned later with a small bag of essentials - a change of clothes, toiletries, things like that. A tiny bottle of perfume - Connie’s gift to Elisa, he was sure - ended up on his bathroom counter, and his eyes settled on it every time he went in there.
Eventually, he gave in and uncapped it, sniffing the bottle.
Big mistake.
It smelled sinful.
Warm and sweet, a hint of florals and vanilla, with a light musk that Javi had already noticed anytime he stepped into a space where Elisa had stood a moment earlier. The scent was subtle, but unmistakable.
He was hard in seconds.
Javi put the bottle down and flattened his palms on the formica, sighing.
This was going to be more difficult than he thought.
Ayala was dead.
Gunned down in a hail of bullets, surrounded by his comrades, and that could only mean one thing: Escobar was cleaning up after himself.
Javi stared at the photo of Elisa, pinned to the center of the corkboard in the meeting room at the Embassy.
Blurry, sepia tone, with a cap on her head - she barely resembled the rumpled, sleepy woman he’d encountered in the hallway that morning.
Shit, he’d had to beat one off in the shower just to be able to walk straight - and that was after he’d spent the night wrapped around her softly curved body. She was lithe and strong, with just enough of a curve to her ass to make him think about her hours later, in the meeting room, a shadow of uncertainty washing over him.
She didn’t know about Alejandro’s death, and Javi was reluctant to tell her. She’d already made her choice; nothing was going to save her former boyfriend now. What good would it do to make her feel sad?
Instead, he could comfort her, protect her, like he’d been doing. He could get her out of this country, away from the narcos. He wanted that almost as much as he wanted to catch Escobar and stop him for good.
“You may have run from your country, but I’m not running from mine,” she’d said.
Javi had leaned over her, pressing a kiss to her lips that was far too tender for their fleeting affair. He brushed her cheek with his nose, then kissed her forehead; the gesture almost worshipful, a gift of praise for her bravery.
She was fierce, and bold, and she saw right through him. She wasn’t counting on him to save her, which made his desire to do so all the more urgent, burning in his chest like a lit stick of dynamite.
Javi bit his tongue throughout the briefing, as the CIA scoffed at the intel he’d gathered and charged on with its own ill-conceived plans. He wasn’t about to let Elisa’s name slip or reveal her whereabouts.
Murphy’s accusation made his stomach twist. Did Steve judge him for sleeping with Elisa? He didn’t really care much what the newbie from West Virginia thought about his sexual activities; it was the thought that something about the way he carried himself made it too obvious that bothered him. What if someone else caught on?
After poking at paperwork for a couple of hours, Javi made an excuse and clocked out for the day, anxious to check on Elisa. She needed round-the-clock protection, and he couldn’t do it from the office. He swiped an interesting looking novel from Noonan’s secretary’s desk on the way out, sliding it inside his tan jacket.
As he’d trained her, Elisa answered the door with a gun in her hand.
“Good girl,” Javi said as she closed it behind him, folding his arms. “Figured you’d be going stir crazy by now.” He handed her the book, and she barked out a laugh.
“Javi,” she said, grinning widely, “this is a romancenovel.”
Javi shrugged.
“I figured it must be pretty good, Noonan’s secretary has had her nose buried in it all day when she thinks no one’s looking. Don’t lose her spot, by the way. There’s a bookmark in it.”
Elisa chuckled, flipping to the marked page.
“Oh, my,” she said, mock-offense on her face, “Dirk is plowing Sophia already, his big, pulsing member making her writhe with pleasure,” she read aloud, unable to keep the amusement from her voice. “You thought this was about my speed?”
Javi smirked.
“It’s not that far off what happened last night,” he said, loosening his tie.
“You hoping for a repeat performance, Agent Peña?” Elisa asked, setting the book aside and unbuttoning her shirt.
Shit - not her shirt. His shirt. How had he not noticed? She’d tucked it in and rolled up the sleeves, but the fabric stretched around her body was unmistakably his white button down.
“Easier to protect you when you stay close,” he murmured, his fingers sinking into the hair just above the nape of her neck as he pulled her in, crushing their lips together.
“Did you come home just to fuck me?” Elisa asked, and Javi nearly growled.
Had he? He wasn’t sure anymore. He craved her, his nostrils filling up with her scent as she led him to the bedroom and let herself fall onto the mattress, crawling backwards up to the pillows. He followed her, peeling his clothes off as he went.
Both of them were naked by the time she reached the headboard, wrapping one hand around the cool metal of the frame, arching her back as Javi buried his nose in the soft patch of curls between her thighs. Lifting one leg up over his shoulder, he spread her wider, the slick folds between her legs glistening under his gaze. Elisa moaned, her fingers clutching at his hair as he lapped at her, the scent of the perfume detectable even at her hips - had she rubbed a little on them? - and his thick, strong fingers dimpled her thighs under his grip.
Elisa wasn’t very vocal in bed; she didn’t babble or praise his prowess. It was her grip that gave her away. The way she held his body, the way she let herself cling to him for the brief time their bodies were joined.
Javi couldn’t get enough. This fierce, fearless, independent woman letting go for a few precious moments with him made him feel like a god.
He knew he didn’t deserve her, that he wasn’t worthy of her love. But being trusted with her body, even for a little while, allowed him to pretend for a few minutes that the intimacy they shared was something more.
Sweat covered their bodies, a light sheen of it making them glow in the afternoon light filtering through the closed yellow curtains. Javi had made her cum twice, his jaw aching, before he climbed the rest of the way up her body and kissed her, a messy union of lips and tongues and wet, sticky skin. She crossed her ankles behind his slim hips, palms pressed to his broad shoulders as he eased up and in, sinking easily into her soft, pliant center - already pulsing with waves of pleasure.
Javi wasn’t good at comforting words; he couldn’t guarantee much, once they’d given her the papers to attempt an escape from Pablo’s men.
But he could fuck her like she was the last woman on earth, and he the last man, with the singular goal of repopulating the planet.
He was pretty sure she’d left the little circular pill pack on the bathroom counter as a message to him, so that last part wasn’t going to happen.
He could still pretend, though.
And Elisa - brave, strong Elisa - seemed to enjoy driving him to it.
“Fuck, Javi,” she’d purred in his ear when he was close. “Fucking fill me up. Cum in me,” she growled, and he snapped like a rubber band left in the sun, his restraint vanishing in an instant. His hips rocked and plunged and pounded against her, and Elisa’s moans urged him on until he shuddered, his release spilling out of him deep inside her, her back arching in delight as she felt him, heat blooming in her core.
The pair of them fell asleep, still joined, in the middle of the afternoon, the city sounds filtering in the windows along with humid, tropical air.
Elisa woke first, shifting until Javi was behind her, his chest rising and falling slowly.
She hadn’t planned on any of this.
The last thing she’d expected when Connie dropped her at Javi’s doorstep was that she’d end up in his bed, but the more she thought about it, the more inevitable it felt.
He clearly had some deep, unresolved issues; she could feel it in the way his playful touches turned serious, in the way he lavished tenderness on her - a stranger - vacillating between frenzied fucking and gentle lovemaking.
He was gifted, that much was clear, and Elisa had her fair share of men of all skill levels. She wasn’t about to miss out on the kind of sex she might never have again.
But she knew, deep down, it wasn’t really about her.
That’s why she had no illusions about sticking around to make a life with Javier Peña.
Not that he was offering anything of the sort.
Elisa packed up her things that very last night at Javi’s place, certain that she wouldn’t be missed; a man like Javi would move on, find comfort where he needed it.
And she was right — at least for a while.
Thanks for reading! Comments and reblogs always appreciated!
summary: it only takes 10 minutes. 10 minutes for javier to completely melt for you. to get hooked on your beauty and your smile and the sweet tone of your voice. and only 1 minute to make him wish he never met you.
warnings: some language, suggested sex (blink and you’ll miss it), mild flirting, mentions of underage drinking, 16 year age gap (reader is 21), think that’s it not much to report for the first chapter
authors note: y’all! this has been a bit of an obsession for me for a while now. this chapter has a lot of world building so the next chapters probably won’t be as long. but it will progressively get more and more spicier I really hope you enjoy this first chapter! please let me know if you want to be on the tag list stay tuned for part two!
“I better not hear about another party from Tía for a long, long time,” Javier complained, shifting uncomfortably in the metal folding chair.
“Ay, por favor (Oh, please),” Chucho huffs, taking his seat at the table and setting down his plate of food. “It doesn’t hurt to be around people once in a while, Javier. Instead of sulking, why don’t you talk to someone.”
Javier takes a swig from his modelo, not even bothering to answer back. The building thrums from the music. The spinning lights and hot air is dizzying. And the large crowd is starting to make him feel trapped.
Javier doesn’t think he’ll ever truly get used to being a civilian.
How does a person pick up where they left off after what he’s gone through? Is picking up the past even the right path to take when all is said and done? Javier wouldn’t know a straight path if it was laid in front of him. And for the most part, he didn’t really care. Usually distracting himself from those questions with a stiff drink or a beautiful woman.
summary: it only takes 10 minutes. 10 minutes for javier to completely melt for you. to get hooked on your beauty and your smile and the sweet tone of your voice. and only 1 minute to make him wish he never met you.
warnings: some language, suggested sex (blink and you’ll miss it), mild flirting, mentions of underage drinking, 16 year age gap (reader is 21), think that’s it not much to report for the first chapter
authors note: y’all! this has been a bit of an obsession for me for a while now. this chapter has a lot of world building so the next chapters probably won’t be as long. but it will progressively get more and more spicier I really hope you enjoy this first chapter! please let me know if you want to be on the tag list stay tuned for part two!
“I better not hear about another party from Tía for a long, long time,” Javier complained, shifting uncomfortably in the metal folding chair.
“Ay, por favor (Oh, please),” Chucho huffs, taking his seat at the table and setting down his plate of food. “It doesn’t hurt to be around people once in a while, Javier. Instead of sulking, why don’t you talk to someone.”
Javier takes a swig from his modelo, not even bothering to answer back. The building thrums from the music. The spinning lights and hot air is dizzying. And the large crowd is starting to make him feel trapped.
Javier doesn’t think he’ll ever truly get used to being a civilian.
How does a person pick up where they left off after what he’s gone through? Is picking up the past even the right path to take when all is said and done? Javier wouldn’t know a straight path if it was laid in front of him. And for the most part, he didn’t really care. Usually distracting himself from those questions with a stiff drink or a beautiful woman.
summary: it only takes 10 minutes. 10 minutes for javier to completely melt for you. to get hooked on your beauty and your smile and the sweet tone of your voice. and only 1 minute to make him wish he never met you.
warnings: some language, suggested sex (blink and you’ll miss it), mild flirting, mentions of underage drinking, 16 year age gap (reader is 21), think that’s it not much to report for the first chapter
authors note: y’all! this has been a bit of an obsession for me for a while now. this chapter has a lot of world building so the next chapters probably won’t be as long. but it will progressively get more and more spicier I really hope you enjoy this first chapter! please let me know if you want to be on the tag list stay tuned for part two!
“I better not hear about another party from Tía for a long, long time,” Javier complained, shifting uncomfortably in the metal folding chair.
“Ay, por favor (Oh, please),” Chucho huffs, taking his seat at the table and setting down his plate of food. “It doesn’t hurt to be around people once in a while, Javier. Instead of sulking, why don’t you talk to someone.”
Javier takes a swig from his modelo, not even bothering to answer back. The building thrums from the music. The spinning lights and hot air is dizzying. And the large crowd is starting to make him feel trapped.
Javier doesn’t think he’ll ever truly get used to being a civilian.
How does a person pick up where they left off after what he’s gone through? Is picking up the past even the right path to take when all is said and done? Javier wouldn’t know a straight path if it was laid in front of him. And for the most part, he didn’t really care. Usually distracting himself from those questions with a stiff drink or a beautiful woman.
Summary: When Javier met you, he felt as though he’d been punched. He had no idea how hard he would fall for you. Your soft smile and sweet scent. How you always catch him off guard and how tempting you look in those sundresses you’re always wearing. He constantly has to stop his mind from drifting to thoughts of you. And every time you’re near, he has to fight his body from touching you. He wants you more than anything but he has to stop. It can’t happen. You’re nearly half his age. And you’re his best friend’s daughter.
I’ve been working on a purely self indulgent multi-part fic for this hunk so enjoy this little tid bit and hopefully I’ll be able to post the 1st chapter soon!
enjoy
“Can you do me a quick favor?” You blurt out the words so fast it catches him off guard. He looks back at you over his shoulder, knitting his brows quizzically.
“Can you smell me?”
Um, what?
“Excuse me?”
“I don’t want to smell like smoke when I go back inside. Can you just… check really quick?”
You have this adorable pleading look on your face but he’s hesitant. As if just looking at you didn’t already light a fire in his gut, he might spontaneously combust at the knowledge of how you smell. Then he’ll never be able to get you out of his head. But you keep looking at him with those “pretty please” eyes and it gnaws at his resolve.
Ah, what the hell.
He takes a step forward, then another. Slowly walking towards you until he stops just inches from you. He peers down to you and he takes pleasure in how you have to crane your neck to meet his eyes. Pushing your hair back, you lean your head to the side as an invitation and he’s trying so hard not to dive into you.
He admires your neck and the thin gold necklace around it that gleams from the moonlight. His eyes follow the slope of your shoulder all the way down to your color bone. Then he leans in, hovering over the crook of your neck, and sniffs.
Javi clenches his jaw to stop a groan from escaping his mouth. Your scent is fucking delectable. Something between brown sugar and vanilla, and the lingering smell of your sweat from dancing. As he rises, he catches the subtle scent of your shampoo from your hair. When he meets your eyes again, they’re darker and your lashes hang heavy over them. Then you lean your head to the other side for him to go in again.
Oh, you little… you’re gonna kill him.
But he doesn’t hesitate to go back in. This time closing his eyes, inhaling deeper and he dies a little inside. Brown sugar, vanilla, sweat, and… and some kind of pastry? Hot air blows through his nostrils and against your neck. He could take a bite out of you right now. But he finds whatever self control he has left inside him to pry himself away, hovering above your face.
“Good?” You whisper sweetly. The way you’re looking at him with those taunting eyes sends a jolt of pleasure up his spine. He clears his throat.
Summary: After eight years in Colombia, Javier Peña is finally back home and hoping to keep his head down. Although you were fourteen and harboring a schoolgirl infatuation when he went away, you and your crush are now all grown up and it’s proving hard for Javier to ignore.
Rating:Explicit 18+ (By proceeding to read beyond this warning, you are agreeing that you are 18 years or older)
Content:Age Gap (15 years),Smut, Innocence Kink, Hidden Relationship, Secrecy, Pining, Family Interference, Small Town Dynamics
@javierpinme and I are so grateful that Ren took pity on us and tossed a new chapter of The Crush down the Smut Basement stairs to feed us! I’ve gobbled it up already. (Claire)
Taking requests peeps. Having a break from my current fics atm as I got toooo much going on with the wedding and it’s given me writer’s block!
HOWEVER!
I love to write so I’m taking requests for a few juicy one shots. Any fics you want me to expand on? Maybe just something a little fluffy? Or angsty? send em my way
Summary: When a baby girl is dropped on Javier Peña’s doorstep with a note claiming she’s his, he’s suddenly thrust into fatherhood. With no clue what to do, he will need all the help he can get if he’s not to stumble at the first hurdle.
Relationships: Javier Peña x Reader, Steve Murphy x Connie Murphy
Warnings: Like AO3, I choose not to list any warnings. This will be 18+ If you are triggered by anything to do with babies then read at your own risk… timeline has taken a nose dive sooo.. yeah
(Life is still mad and I have had so little time or energy to write so sorry about that. I’m getting married in 33 days so yeah… Life’s mental. I hope this was worth the wait and thank you all for continuing follow this fic! Love y'all it is a little short but its for good reason I promise!!)
Javier stood there gobsmacked as the news you’d given how swam around in his brain. It was your irritating huff that snapped him back to attention.
“You’re pregnant?” He practically squeaked and you scoffed.
“Yes, Javier.” You snapped and he winced a little at your tone.
“H-how?” He stuttered and you scoffed “I mean, we haven’t been trying you’re on protection so-”
“I don’t know what to tell you Javi.” You interrupted and his mouth snapped shut “It failed and I’m pregnant.” You grumbled “Sorry.”
His brows drew together at that. He was confused to be sure but he didn’t want you to think for a second that he was upset with you.
“I know that this is great timing and all but it’s happening and I want to keep it but if you do-” Your rambling was cut off by his lips on yours and suddenly the anger that had consumed you a few moments ago seemed to fizzle to nothing.
“There is nothing to be sorry for.” He assured you as he rested his hand on your stomach whilst cupping your cheek with the other “This is wonderful news.”
“Really” You choked and he nodded as a grin spread across his face.
“Really.”
“Oh my god.” Connie practically squealed and you both jumped, having forgotten she was there at all “You’re going to have a baby.” She squeaked and you let out a breathy chuckle.
“We’re going to have a baby.” You replied with a nod, wiping away the two tears that escaped from your eyes as you watched Javier drop to his knees.
“Hola little one.” He uttered, his eyes as wide as saucers as he locked them with yours “I’m your Papi and I’m so excited to meet you.”
“I can’t leave now.” Connie sobbed and your heads both swung around to look at her.
“Are you serious?” You asked and she nodded “I can’t leave you alone now. Especially if the boys are going to be away more.”
“They’ve asked us to permanently move to the Medellin base.” Javier confessed and your face dropped “But I am going to apply for a house for us there.” He continued “You’re coming with me, baby.” He stated, “I don’t want to miss a moment of this with you.”
“Do you think Steve would do the same?” Connie asked and Javier nodded.
“In a heartbeat.” He stated and she nodded.
“Does this mean María stays?” You asked as your eyes drifted to the still sleeping infant.
“Yes, Cariño.” He said softly “She’s staying.”
~
Two weeks later you were unpacking the last of the boxes in your new house the embassy had managed to arrange for you. You had not however managed to secure a role at the Searchbloc headquarters, something that Javier had been relieved about. He had confessed that he hadn’t liked the idea of you working. He prefered to know you were safe at home with Connie and María every day whilst he searched for the man that had torn so many lives apart including yours and almost his.
Escobar may have not pulled the trigger the day he almost died but he was just as much to blame as that sicario was.
Steve had made it his mission to ensure his wife felt safe too. Having almost lost Connie he’d done everything he could to make sure she didn’t leave but he didn’t have to worry. She wasn’t going to leave your side.
“How’s the morning sickness?” She asked as she sipped her coffee and you, your tea “That eased off now?”
“Yeah, thank god.” You groaned, eliciting a chuckle from the other woman “It never lasted this long with Masie.”
“Maybe it’s because this one is a Peña.” Connie teased and you chuckled.
“Think you’re on to something there.” You giggled, jumping when María screeched, laughed and clapped from her highchair “Think she agrees with you.”
“How’s Javier handling it all?” She asked, her tone softening as she leaned over to stroke the top of María’s head.
“Really well.” You said with a nod and a smile, your mind wandering back to how he’d said goodbye to you and baby this morning “He’s so excited for me to start showing.”
“I bet.” The blonde replied, “He missed all that with María I suppose so this is his second chance I suppose.”
You nodded and shrugged, sipping your tea again before both your attentions fell on Marīa.
“And how about you princess?” She asked softly “Are you excited to have a little brother or sister?”
“SWISH.” She yelled and you chuckled.
“Swish?” Connie asked, her eyes tracing to you.
“SWIIIIIISH.” She yelled again and you couldn’t stop the giggles then.
“What an earth is a swish?” The other woman asked and you shook your head.
“We think maybe she means sis.” You stated, “That she wants a sister but we can’t be sure.”
“Papapapapa.” She started rambling and your heart swelled as she wriggled in her chair.
“Papi will be home a little later, dulzura.” You said and she clapped and smiled at you.
“Mamamamamammm.”
You both froze.
“She said that before?”
“Nope.” You replied, popping the ‘p’.
“This you mama?” Connie asked as she pointed at you and you fought to keep your tears at bay.
“Mama.” María squeaked as she reached for you and you couldn’t stop them then.
They flowed freely as you stood up and scooped her up from her highchair before placing kisses in her curly hair. You weren’t her mum but you were as good as and it made your heart swell to hear her call you that word.
It was something you’d never heard your daughter call you that. Never crawl or walk. You’d had those milestones ripped away from you but you’d been fortunate to share some of those with Javi and now, you were getting to second chance to share those with this new life growing inside of you.
“You okay hun?” Connie asked upon seeing your tears and you nodded.
“Wonderful.”
…
You squeaked as you felt two strong arms encircling you and pulling you close and you sighed when he placed soft kissing on your flesh.
“Evening Mi Amor.” He hummed and you smiled.
“Evening.” You replied, eyes drifting to how Javier’s hands had settled on your stomach “How was your day.”
“Uneventful.” He responded, turning you to face him “Yours?”
“María called me mama.” You said and his eyes grew wide.
For the briefest of moments, your heart started to race and your stomach twisted but then his face lit up and you relaxed.
“She did?” He asked and you nodded “I can’t believe I missed that.” He sighed and you smiled sweetly at him.
“You’re okay with her calling me mama?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” He asked with a bemused expression and you shrugged.
“Because I’m not her mother.” You stated simply “Her mother was Elaina and-”
“And she always will be but you have been there for her. You’re the one who’s helped me raise her.” He stated, taking your hands and pulling you towards the couch “Elaina is gone and you’re here. You are her mum Mi Amor.”
“You once told me I wasn’t.” You warned and he groaned at the memory.
“And I was an ass for saying that because it wasn’t true and I didn’t mean it.” He stated simply “I was deluding myself into thinking I was doing right by my family but forgot that you are my family… This, right here… This is all I want.”
“I’m glad Javi.” You replied, kissing him sweetly “Dinner’s almost ready.” You stated and he nodded.
“How much longer?”
“Around ten minutes.” You replied.
“Plenty of time then.” He said as he ran his hand up your bare thigh towards your sleep shorts.
“Plenty of time for what?” You queried, gasping as his fingers curled around the waistband and started to pull them down.
“Plenty of time for Papi to make mummy feel good.” He purred before diving headfirst into the apex of your thighs and devouring you like a man starved.
You couldn’t help but moan loudly as he went to work, paying particular attention to your clit as two thick fingers circled your entrance. You thought you could cum just from the feel of his digits stretching you out but it was the rough pumping and expert curling that had you gushing over his hand and face in record time.
“Fuck that’s hot.” Javier panted as he sat up and took in your sated form, chest heaving and lid heavy as you gazed back at him “Reckon you could do that once more before dinner?” He asked but you were too limp to answer “Let’s see.”
~
You were four months along when you started to show. Your stomach had a small swell to it and your breasts had started to get bigger. This in turn had done something to Javier.
He was ravenous for you all the time.
He didn’t care that you tasted different. He continued to eat you out like you were his favourite meal and your sex drive, in turn, had skyrocketed. You’d certainly been more active since getting together with Javier but now you were having him when and whenever you could. Your inhibitions seemed to be non-existent and only the night before you had let him fucking you in the toilets of the restaurant that you’d gone to with Connie and Steve.
Your relationship seemed to be stronger than ever and you were glad of it. All those insecurities you’d felt that had kept you apart for so long, were no longer an issue. Peña showed you every day that you were his queen. The fruit of his every desire and you’d never felt sexier.
At five months your bump was very much obvious along with this milestone with that came the day you’d been most excited about.
Finding out the sex.
Javier had wanted it to be a surprise at first but the more you’d begged, he’d soon folded. Maria still wanted a swish, whatever that meant, and you were praying for a boy.
Javi, a girl.
When the day of the scan came around you were practically buzzing with excitement. You dressed yourself in to some leggings and one of Javi’s t-shirts as that was all that now fit you and the two of you practically skipped out of the door.
There was then a tense, excited silence that hung over you both as you waited to be called in. Hands entwined as you chewed your bottom lip and he bounced his knee but then…
“Peña?”
“You ready Carino?” He asked and you nodded excitedly before you both go to your feet and followed her inside.
It was then a case of getting on the bed and lifting your shirt as the kind-faced doctor got her equipment ready. as you lay there, shivering at the gell and holding onto Javier’s hand, the agent smiled down at you, his eyes raking over your bump and admiring it. Inside there was his baby.
“So are you learning the sex today?” The doctor asked in quickfire Spanish and Javier answered just as fast.
The probe was manoeuvred around your belly before they quickly found the life inside of you and its strong heartbeat. You practically sobbed at the sight, looking up at Javier and finding his face very much mirrored yours.
“Congratulations.” The doctor said, switching to Spanish.
“A boy!” Your heart leapt at that and Javier choked on a sob before kissing you sweetly.
“Are you disappointed, Mi Amor?” You asked teasingly as he pulled back to look you in the eye “I know you wanted another girl.”
“As long as they are happy then I am over the moon.”
“Ce they are very healthy.” The doctor stated as they continued to study the screen “Very happy with progress.” They finished and you both breathed a consecutive sigh of relief.
“I print pictures.”
“Gracias.” You both said in unison before returning to attention to the waving baby on the screen.
…
“Well??” Steve blurted out almost as soon as the two of you walked through the door, an excited Olivia on his lap.
“It’s a boy.” You squealed and Steve cheered, his daughter mirroring his reaction.
“What did I miss?” Connie asked as she carried a freshly changed María into the room.
“We’re having a boy.” Javier repeated and Connie cooed at that “Hear that Dulzura? You’re going to have a baby brother!!” Javier said sweetly as he took his daughter off the blonde.
“NO!” María yelled “SWISH!”
“We still don’t know what swish means bebita but you are definitely having a baby brother.”
“Swishhhhhh.” She whispered and you all chuckled at her.
“I look forward to her making sense.” You stated and everyone nodded in agreement.
“Swish swish swish.” María continued to babble in Javier’s arms whilst the rest of you sat so that you could fawn over the photos. For a moment the older agent sat back in his seat, eyes drifting between his daughter, his lover and his friends.
He couldn’t believe his life now. Less than two years ago he was the Batchelor of Bogota as everyone called him and now he was settled down with a baby and another on the way. If someone would have told him this was how his life was going to turn out he would have laughed in their face but now… as lived it.
He wouldn’t have it any other way.
This was his life now and it was perfect and he would be damned if he let anything get in the way of that. He vowed at that moment that he would do all it took to take down Escobar as swiftly as he could because once this was done. He was going to throw in the towel and focus on the best thing to ever happen to him.
Little did he know that life doesn’t always go the way you want it to.
Summary: When a baby girl is dropped on Javier Peña’s doorstep with a note claiming she’s his, he’s suddenly thrust into fatherhood. With no clue what to do, he will need all the help he can get if he’s not to stumble at the first hurdle.
Relationships: Javier Peña x Reader, Steve Murphy x Connie Murphy
Warnings: Like AO3, I choose not to list any warnings. This will be 18+ If you are triggered by anything to do with babies then read at your own risk… timeline has been tweaked slightly to suit the story (Yup… life is still mad rn… My little business has also taken off a bit so I’m even more busy that before. Working on updates as and when I can but I hope this was worth the wait.)
You stood staring at Javier’s door for some time, willing yourself to knock on its smooth surface. You’d been trying to knock on it for days. Weeks if you were being truly honest with yourself.
When Javier had told you that you needed to decide whether you wanted to be with him or not, you’d been left at a loss for what to do. You did want to be with him. With every fibre of your being, but you also didn’t trust him and you hated that you couldn’t.
He had done nothing but prove how changed he was since becoming a father and yet your insecurities still screamed at you to hide, to protect yourself from the ‘inevitable’ hurt that he would supposedly inflict on you. Yet in the time the two of you had been together…
He’d been perfect.
When you did finally knock, you were met with silence.
“Not home I guess.” You sigh to yourself but when you turned to walk to your door you heard frantic footsteps and saw Javier sprint into view.
“Javi?” You called out, expression growing concerned as he sprinted past you but he didn’t answer.
He was clearly in a hurry and that made your stomach twist.
He had obviously come from the Murphy’s so you decided to make your way there, knocking on the door three times before you were met with a frantic Connie.
“Con, what’s wrong?” You asked as you pulled her into a hug, holding her close as she sobbed on your shoulder.
“Steve’s been kidnapped.” She said finally as she pulled herself away to look at you.
“When?”
“Today.” She started, eyes darting to the nursery before looking back at you again “His car was just left idling in front of the parking lot. Javi’s doing all he can to find him but I’m losing my mind here… We have a kid now. I can’t raise Olivia without him-”
“And you won’t.” You interjected, placing a comforting hand on her arm “Javi will find him and everything will be fine… They’ve probably done this to scare the DEA. They’re not stupid enough to do anything more than knock hin about a little,”
Connie nodded, trying her best to keep herself calm and so she decided the best way to do that was to distract herself from the problem at hand.
“Why haven’t you seen Javi in two weeks?” She asked, taking you by surprise.
“Let’s not talk about that now.”
“He told me that you two had a bit of a bust-up.” She continued, ignoring your reply “Said that you clearly don’t trust him because you keep avoiding any intimacy with him.”
“Con-”
“He’s crazy about you you know.” She stated, her expression changing “And he’s really cut up that you didn’t choose to try and talk about things with him.”
“I wanted to.” You started to argue but you knew your retort held no weight.
“Why didn’t you?”
“Because he’s right.” You replied simply “No matter how much he proves himself, my brain still tells me that one day he will find someone better. Someone prettier and I’ll be all alone.”
“He told me that he wants all to be a family.” She stated and your breath caught in your throat “He said he’d asked if you wanted more kids because he does… He wants to have a family with you and you still don’t trust him enough to believe he’s sincere?”
Your guilt swallowed you whole.
You sat there in silence for a while as your eyes drifted over to the small penguin toy you’d gifted María a few weeks ago. She had instantly taken to it. Wanted it to go everywhere with her and Javier had joked that it was because she loved her mommy best.
Was that how he viewed you now? As her mother…
“You need to talk to him.” She continued, grabbing your attention “If you want this to work then it’s going to take work. You have insecurities, we all do, but you can’t let them run your life.”
“I know.” You replied, your voice small as your gaze settled on the toy again.
“But you can’t keep stringing him along hun.” She warned “He’s in love with you. You need to either make up or break up.” She paused, locking eyes with you as your head snapped up “It’s as simple as that.”
“We should be focusing on your right now.” You said, desperate to change the subject.
“Don’t deflect.” She scorned “There’s nothing to be said about my situation other than when Steve returns, I will ask him if we can go home.”
“What?” You shrieked, eyes wide.
“I am a mother now.” She stated simply “If my husband is so vulnerable that he gets snatched from outside our home then I don’t think I can stay here.”
“You know he won’t leave.” You argued “He can’t! He and Javi still have work to do.”
“Family is more important than work.”
“Yes but-”
“No buts!” She snapped “He will either leave with me or I’ll leave without him… But I won’t risk Olivia so that he can chase down that mad man.”
“Connie you can’t be serious.” You argued “He’s devoted to you but he’s also given years of his life to this fight. You can’t expect him to choose to give up all that hard work. That’s just not fair.”
“I’m a mother now.” She stated plainly “I have to do what’s best for my child and that’s leaving Colombia”
There was a long pause as the two of you stares at each other, the weight of her statement weighing heavily on you both.
“With or without Steve.”
The conversation ended there. You stayed with her out of moral support but you daren’t try and convince her to stay. You knew she was right to a degree. You were living proof that no one was safe from the horrors of Colombia but you also didn’t want to lose her.
Hours passed before Steve came stumbling through the door, pulling his wife into a firm hug. You then knew it was time to take your leave so you hugged them both before sprinting down the stairs, colliding with Javi at their base.
“Shit… Sorry I-“
“It’s fine.” Peña grumbled and you winced at his tone.
It was now or never.
“Could we talk?” You called after him and he stopped in his tracks, pinching the bridge of his nose as he let out a long sigh.
“Is it urgent?” He queried “Only I have to relieve the Murphy’s of my daughter.”
“I’m sorry.” You rushed out, trying desperately not to cry “I’m sorry I let my insecurities get the better of Me.” You choked “I had something amazing with you and I let it slip through my fingers.”
“Cariño-“
“Let me finish.” You pleaded and he nodded, taking a step down so he was eye level with you “I love you, Javier.” You said plainly “I love you and I want to spend the rest of my days with you if you’ll have me… I don’t want to waste any more time.”
“Wait for me in the apartment.” Javier ordered, “I’m going to go grab María, and then we’ll talk properly.”
You nodded at him before watching him sprint up the stairs, smiling to yourself at the thought that tonight, you may finally let yourself be happy with the man you love. You turn and walk to his door, unlocking it with your spare key before treading inside and taking a seat at his table.
Your nerves were almost at boiling point when he walked through the door with a sleepy María in his arms.
“Let me just put her down.” He said before rushing off to her room, returning a few moments later with a monitor in hand.
“She down for the night?” You asked and he nodded, grabbing a beer from the fridge before sitting across from you.
“I love you.” He said after a short period of silence, the words like music to your ears “Don’t think I even knew what love was until I met you.” He confessed, taking a sip of his beer before continuing “But I can’t be with you if you don’t trust me… I have a daughter now and I need to offer her stability. I can’t have her growing attached to you, only for you to leave us.”
“I won’t.” You assured him but he shook his head.
“How can you know that for sure?” He asked, his voice so small and vulnerable that it broke your heart to hear it.
“Because I can’t bear the idea of not being with you.” You choked, unable to stop the tears now “These past two weeks have been torture. I kept coming to your door then running because I was scared that you turn me away.”
“There it is again.” He exclaimed, making you jump “You not trusting in my love for you!”
“Javi, it wasn’t that at all.” You sobbed “I was just sp scared I’d hurt you beyond repair.”
“You did hurt me.” He confessed and your stomach sank, eyes watching him carefully as he continued “But I don’t want to lose you either.”
You let out the breath you’d been holding as your whole body relaxed and your smile returned.
“I don’t want to waste any more time either.”
The next few moments were a blur. Lips collided and moans were swallowed as you both stumbled to your feet and trekked blindly to the couch.
Clothes disappeared and kisses painted naked flesh. The next thing you knew he was sheathing himself inside of you and pulling sounds from your lips you didn’t know you were capable of. He was slow at first, his forehead resting on yours as he thrust languidly onto your heat. The way he looked at you made you shiver. All you could see in the dark depths of his eyes was his love and desire for you and you thought you could cum just from that.
“I love you.” You whispered, whimpering when he found your sweet spot, and then you threw your head back as he focused on it.
He has you cumming in no time at all, spurred on by the filthy sounds you made as he dragged every last drop of pleasure from you.
“Shit.” You breathed as you came down from your high, clutching to his shoulders as his thrusts grew harder.
The sounds emitted from the act were lewd but you found it only turned you on more. He was clearly chasing his high now but also focusing on that spot in the hopes he could tear one more from you… and he did.
You came in unison. Swallowing each other’s moans as he collapsed on top of you, desperate to catch his breath.
“That was…” you trailed off, unable to find a strong enough word to describe it.
“Phenomenal?” He questioned before kissing you slowly, tongues tangling in a lazy dance of passion and love.
“Yes.” You uttered against his lips as he pulled back, resting his brown against yours again “Wish we’d done that sooner!’ You paused, whimpering when he shifted inside of you a little “How silly I’ve been.”
“No arguments from me.” He said with a wink, eliciting a playful swat and a chuckle from you “Let’s got to bed, Mi Amor.” He suggested and you nodded, following him as he stood and led you away.
~
Connie hadn’t brought up the subject of leaving since the day Steve had disappeared but you knew it was weighing heavily on her mind. In fact, several months had passed since then.
Javier and Steve were sent to work out of Medellín several few times in the weeks that followed which had meant that you had been spending more and more one on one time with María. You’d started to feel that pull more and more as the days went by. That whole that your little Masie had left behind didn’t feel like it gaped so much. It would never fully heal but to have the chance to be a mother again gave you a sense of purpose.
It was helping you heal.
Together you and Javier had managed to find a new sitter for when you were at work. She was young, something that had initially made you a little nervous after what had happened to Claire but it had soon become clear she didn’t bad for Javi’s team.
It was the subtle touches here and there that had been the clear indicator she was more interested in you than your lover and that had soon made you relax around her. She never made a move on you and you found a friendship with her started to blossom and you were glad of it. Even more so in the weeks that were to follow.
You were in the office when you received the call from Steve that Connie was leaving. It had been a shock to all but one who had put their own plans in place. Plans that had not been discussed with you so when you arrived at the Murphys’ apartment, you’d been shocked to find Javier there, helping Connie pack not just her things into a large bag.
“What the hell?” You questioned as you stepped into the kitchen, eyes falling on María in her pram “What’s going on here?”
“I’m going back to Maimi,” Connie answered simply, shrugging as she packed the last of Olivia’s things into her suitcase.
“Okay, but what are you doing here Javi? I thought you were in Medellín for another week!” You snapped.
“My Pop’s is going to meet Con at the airport.” He started, stopping what he was doing to look at you “María’s going to stay with him till I finish here then we’ll go back to Texas and get her.”
“We?” You exclaimed, “There is a, we, in this scenario is there?”
“Of course there is.” He groaned, scraping a hand over his face.
“Only I don’t recall you discussing this with me before getting the arrangements in place.”
“It was a pretty sudden decision.” He replied and you scoffed at him before your eyes settled on María’s sleeping form.
“So what… Connie told you she was leaving and you just decided to send María with her?”
“Yes.” He answered simply and you felt yourself growing angry at him.
“Why?”
“Because it’s dangerous here.” He stated, “You more than anyone know that anyone can get caught in the crossfire and I don’t want to keep my daughter here and put her at unnecessary risk.”
You flinched at his statement, your hand unconsciously resting on your stomach as your eyes filled with fresh tears.
“Don’t I get a say in whether she stays or goes?” You questioned, “I thought we were a family Javi.”
“We are a family.”
“Well, families make decisions like this together.” You snapped, your anger getting the best of you “I should get a say in whether María stays or goes.”
“This is the right thing to do.” He growled, eyes darkening as his own temper started to flare.
“I don’t want her to go.”
“She’s my daughter, not yours.” He yelled and you shrunk immediately, a flash of hurt crossing your face before it replaced with something else entirely.
“You’re right.” You said sharply, shrugging your shoulders.
“Hermosa I-”
“Don’t tell me you didn’t mean in that way because you did.” You warned, tone firm before you squared your shoulders “And I suppose if you want to send your child away you’ll want to send ours away as well.”
“I already am.” He grumbled, tired of this conversation “María will be safer with Pops.”
“I don’t mean María.” You replied and his brows pulled together in confusion as he waited for you to elaborate.
“What are you talking about?” He pushed when you remained silent, watching your shoulders rise and fall as you planned what you were going to say carefully.
“This isn’t exactly how I wanted to tell you but I suppose now’s as good a time as any.” You growled, “I’m pregnant Javi.” You replied simply “Was going to wait till you got back to tell you.”
“You are?” He asked, his voice small as his eyes widened.
You nodded, pulling out the images you had from your purse and throwing them down on the table in front of him.
“Wanted to surprise you.” You said, watching as his shaky hands grabbed the images “I’m about 8 weeks along.” You stated plainly as you straightened your back “I want to keep it.”
“Of course.” The agent said, his head turning to you as a smile crossed his face but it soon disappeared when he saw the expression you wore.
“You want to send María away then fine… Send her away, I have no say in that but I have a say in what happens to this baby and they are going to stay with me.”
“Hermosa please-”
“But know this Javi.” You interrupted, ignoring his plea “You send her away and I will never forgive you.” You stated plainly as you pointed at María, your countenance impossible to read “You send her away and I will never forgive you.”
“Baby please.” He pleaded “Be reasonable.”
“Think about it.” You replied simply before leaving the kitchen, leaving a shocked Connie and Peńa in your wake.
Summary: Sequel to consequences. Javier does everything he can to prove to you that he wants to be a father to Sophia… it seems however that the universe doesn’t want to make it easy for him.
Pairings: Javier Peña x Reader
Warnings: Like AO3, I choose not to list any warnings.
As much as you loathed to say it after everything had happened, you’d be lying if you said he wasn’t. He had taken on the role of, father, by the horns. Doing everything he could to make up for the time he’d lost with her.
He’d cried when she’d crawled at 7 months. Sitting on the floor despite how his back protested and clapped as she wobbled over to him on her hands and knees. She didn’t wobble for long however and now she was impossible to keep up with. She sped around the house whilst you and he tried desperately to keep up with her.
At 10 months she was pulling herself up. Even standing for a few seconds before her legs would wobble and she’d fall onto her bum. It was moments like, playing with her or taking her to the zoo that had allowed you to lower your guard a little, allowing him in a little more each time.
He’d sorted an apartment. Taken on a second job as well as helping his father on the ranch, all to help support you and his little girl. You could see that he was tired but he didn’t complain. He took it all in his stride and you appreciated the help. You’d struggled to make ends meet since Sophia had arrived. You’d swallowed your savings and so had to return to work, fortunately, something better paid than the bar and it meant you were finally able to utilise your accounting degree.
It had been a juggle sorting child care seeing as your parents had died a few years ago. Chucho would take her for a few hours whilst Javier worked on the ranch and then the younger Peña would have her till you collected her.
He loved the chance to spend some one on one time with her but it had meant that between working on the ranch and then as a security guard for a local warehouse at night, he was getting very little sleep.
Yet still, he didn’t complain.
When asked if he was coping okay he would just tell you it was all part of being a good parent and you couldn’t help but feel guilty. He was running himself ragged but as the months went on though, the two of you grew closer. You started to spend more time together, just the two of you and found that the feelings you had felt for him before started to stir in the background.
For Javier however, his feelings had never left him. He’d hated himself for leaving you. For how he’d left, rather than face the fact that despite how things had started between you… he had fallen for you despite his best efforts.
But things were different now.
He was retired from chasing drug lords. He was a father to your daughter. So he welcomed his feelings for you. Allowed them to flourish into the love he now knew he felt for you and so he made it his mission not only to prove to you that he was a good father but that he could be a good partner too.
…
“What’s all this?” You asked as you walked into his apartment, eyes spotting a candle flickering on the table and a bottle of your favourite red sat beside it.
“I uh… Well, I cooked dinner for us.” He confessed as he rubbed the back of his neck in an attempt to mask his embarrassment “I hope that’s okay.” He continued as he turned to dish up the food “Sophia’s down and I thought perhaps we could spend a little time together just the two of us.”
“Javi-”
“If you have plans that’s fine.” He interrupted “I can always freeze your portion but I-”
“JAVI.” You shouted, instantly regretting it and listening out a moment for Sophia, breathing a sigh of relief when she remained silent “You’re rambling.” You chuckled and he sighed as he turned to face you again.
“Sorry.”
“What I was going to say was that I would love to have dinner with you.” You stated, smiling sweetly at him as his whole body relaxed “What we havin’?” You asked as you made your way over to him.
“My mum’s famous quesadillas.” He stated as he placed your plate down along with his own.
“These look fantastic Javier.” You gushed and he grinned “Didn’t know you could cook.”
“Ahh.” He said as he waved his finger at you “There are a lot of things you don’t know about me.” He finished with a wink and you flushed at his statement.
“Hopefully I’ll learn more, one day.” You purred, locking eyes with him and shivering at his intense gaze.
“I’m sure you will Hermosa.” He replied after a short stint of silence, his expression softening before he turned his attention to the food “Dig in before it gets cold.”
The food was as delicious as it looked. The spices and flavours that assaulted your senses were enough to leave you wanting more, long after they were finished. Then after the two of you had cleared up and done the dishes, you retired to his lounge where you sat sipping at your wine as he talked about what he and Sophia had done that day.
You couldn’t help but notice how tired he looked. You knew he was working himself to the bone to help provide for Sophia but it was visibly taking its toll on him now. You daren’t say anything in case he got snappy but you hated how clear it was that he wasn’t taking care of himself.
Putting you and your daughter above all else.
“So pops was talking about taking her to this new Alpaca farm that’s opened a few miles down the road.” He stated, pulling you from your thoughts “He thought it might be a nice day out for us all.” He continued, smiling sheepishly at you “As a family.”
“Sounds wonderful Javi.” You replied with a smile and he returned it with his own “I should probably get going.” You stated when you saw the time “No point in moving her so I’ll just collect her in the morning. You have enough formula?”
“Why don’t you stay?” He asked and you stopped in your tracks “You can have a little more wine. We can talk.” He said, shrugging his shoulders “I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“Javi no, your back can’t take sleeping on the couch.” You protested but he shrugged again.
“It’s fine.” He replied simply “Was just an idea.”
“It’s not like we haven’t shared a bed before.” You chuckled and his eyes grew wide at your insinuation “No funny business though?” You warned and he threw his hands up in mock surrender.
“On my honour.” He stated and you smiled.
“Then I’ll have some more wine please.” You said with a wink and he practically leapt to his feet to get it for you.
The conversation that flowed after that was easy. You talked about life. Plans for the future and how nervous you were about Sophia turning 1. Chucho had already decided that he was going to throw her a big party, having already roped in a friend of his to supply the petting zoo.
“I legitimately think he’s invited half the town.” Chuckled Javier as he took another swig of his beer.
“It’s sweet.” You gushed and the agent nodded.
“Yeah.” He stated before settling further back into the couch cushions at his back “He loves being an Abuelo… Absolute natural.” He chuckled and you giggled too as you nodded in agreement.
“So are you though.” You stated and he looked at you with confusion spreading across his face.
“I am what?”
“A natural.” You stated simply “You’ve taken to being a father way better than I expected you to.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He snapped and you sighed as you thought of your answer carefully.
“All I meant was that when I first met you, you told me about how commitment and the family life were not for you… Not something you wanted.” You stated and his shoulders dropped slightly “Then you came back from Colombia, for the second time, only to learn you were now a father and you just stepped up… I’m really proud of you Javi.” You enthused as you smiled at him “And I’m glad that you wanted to be a father to Sophia… She loves you so much.”
“I love her too.” He replied, his body relaxing again “I never knew I could love something so much until I first held her in my arms but now I know there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her.”
“You know you need to take care of yourself though, Javi.” You warned and he scoffed “I’m earning more now so you don’t have to work nights anymore.”
“I don’t earn enough from the ranch to provide for you both.” He argued and you sighed “I want to contribute to her care.”
“And you do!” You countered “In more ways than one. It’s not all about money Javi.”
“I can handle it.” He snapped and you scoffed.
“You sure?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that you look tired Javier.” You stated “You clearly aren’t getting enough rest. You need to take care of yourself.”
“I am Hermosa I promise.” He grumbled and you chuckled at his response.
“You Peña men are so stubborn.” You chortled.
“All part of our charm.” He replied with a wink and you rolled your eyes at him before finishing the last of your wine.
Happy to enjoy the peace that had finally washed over you both.
~
Sophia’s birthday came and went and suddenly you were now a parent to a one-year-old.
You found it hard to believe it had really been that long since you’d gone through all the pain and exhaustion to bring her into the world but sure enough here you were.
Javier had since taken on a role as a consultant for the DEA. A role that meant he was able to take slightly better care of himself and you were relieved that he was no longer working almost all hours of the day.
However, this new role had meant that he wasn’t around as much as before. He was no longer able to take Sophia during the day which meant you had to send her to daycare, something that had been hard to accept at first but you were relieved to see her flourish.
As time went on and his workload grew, he started to let you down more and more. Never on purpose but it seemed that the more he was asked to consult, the less he was able to do to help out. Suddenly it was all money and no presence. Something you found hard to accept.
That had also meant that the relationship that had started to blossom between the two of you was now wilting. The effort he made before to try and woo you so to speak had dwindled to nothing and you found yourself remembering why exactly it was that you had decided that you couldn’t be with him in the first place.
His work always came first.
Arguments became the norm. Him always arguing that he was just trying to provide you both with a better life.
“What’s the point of a better life Javier if you’re never around to share it.” You’d snapped before storming out with your daughter in hand and he’d said nothing to argue it.
He knew you were right but he didn’t know what else to do. This was all he knew and the money was more than good. He knew he needed to balance things better so he started to have Sophia in the afternoons again for a few hours. Picking her up from daycare and doing his best to balance his work and his time with her.
He just wanted to do better by you both but it seemed he just couldn’t get it right. he could never get it right with you.
The routine of him picking up Sophia became the norm as the weeks slithered into months yet the time that you once spent in each other’s company had remained absent. So it hadn’t been all that surprising when you started to see someone. Well unsurprising to you but it had felt like a punch in the stomach to Javier.
You kept your relationship separate from your family life in the beginning. Something Javier appreciated but it was killing him knowing that the newfound smile on your face was not because of him.
It wasn’t for him either.
He’d been too focused on being a good father and supplying for his family that he forgot how to be a good partner to you. A good father to his daughter.
…
Three months passed and finally, you introduced the man you were seeing to your daughter. It was something you’d discussed at length with the younger Peña but it came to it. H knew he had no right to tell you no. The three of you then started to do more and more together and the younger Peña became green with envy. Something he was not proud of but
“How are things going with Alastair?” He asked as he packed Sophia’s things.
“They’re fine.” You replied plainly and he sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Is this how things are to be from now on?” He asked and your brows drew together in confusion “I ask you how things are and you’re cold and distant with me?”
“I’m not distant.” You argued and he scoffed.
“You barely look at me anymore.” He started, his voice wobbling a little as he spoke “I know I wasn’t balancing things well when I started consulting but I’ve got a handle on it now.” He assured you “I don’t want us to be like this.”
“Like what?” You grumbled.
“Two people that share a daughter and nothing else.” He sighed “I get I missed my chance with you and all that but we can still be friends.” He stated, “We should at least try to be for Sophia.”
“What do you mean you missed your chance with me?”
“I… Well, I thought things were going good between us but-”
“They were Javier.” You interrupted, your tone sharp “But then you stopped trying.” You growled, “You just stopped and it made me realise why we can never work.”
“Why?” He choked and you let out a long sigh before you answered.
“Because work will always come first.”
“I have been doing my best to do right by you both.” He snapped, instantly regretting his tone “I just want to be able to give you everything.”
“I didn’t need everything Javi.” You replied, your tone softening “I just needed you.”
“You have me.” He argued and you scoffed.
“If I did, I wouldn’t be with him.” You replied before fetching Sophia and readying her to leave.
Javier didn’t have an answer for you. You were right and he knew that but he couldn’t help but feel hurt by how despite the fact he’d tried to improve things you’d decided that your relationship with him was no longer worth saving.
“Alastair is present.” You started, pulling the agent from his thoughts “He’s great with Sophia and he wasn’t so provide me with stability. I need stability, Javier.”
“I want to give that to you.” He argued and you scoffed “Why do you think I’ve been working so hard? I want to give you guys everything you need.”
“We need you to actually be around Javi.” You snapped “Pushing money at us doesn’t make you a good father.” You finished and he flinched.
Stood there speechless as you pushed Sophia out of his apartment out into the evening air.
Was he really a bad father?
Your statement cut him to the bone. He hated that you thought he was a bad dad. Hated that you thought so little of him.
So when the case he’d consulted on came to an end, he chose not to take any more work on for a while. He focused on helping his father for a while and spending what time he could get with his daughter which became less and less the more serious you and Alastair became.
Day trips became weeks away or long weekends, His short time with her when he picked her up from daycare became his most cherished moments. Then the days he was without her he did whatever he could to distract himself from the fact that his life felt like it was falling apart.
…
“We’ll be back Sunday night so I will still need you to pick her up on Monday.” You stated as you packed the last of her things into her bag.
“Okay.” He replied simply as he watched you pack.
“What are you going to do with your weekend off?” You asked, trying to somewhat start a conversation with the man.
“There’s some work that needs doing on the ranch.” He replied, “The barn roof needs patching and that fence on the boundary by the river needs repairing.”
“Sounds like hard work.” You said as you pulled Sophia into your arms “You got any help?”
“Nah.” He said, shaking his head “I’ll be fine.”
“Javi-”
“Have a nice weekend away.” He interrupted, stopping you in your tracks and you nodded at him before carrying Sophia up to him so he could say goodbye.
“Goodbye, bebita.” He said as he placed a soft kiss on her brow “Te amo.”
Your heart ached at the expression on his face as he straightened to his full height again, giving you a small nod before walking away. Unable to see you take her away.
You did feel guilty that you were building this family with someone else but you were happy. You were allowed to be happy. Yet deep down inside, you knew you still loved Javier. How things were now was not how you’d expected things to go between you. You had hoped that the two of you would have ended up together and you still did to an extent. Alastair offered you stability but if you were truly honest with yourself that wasn’t enough.
You simply weren’t in love with him.
So you went for your weekend away with him. You tried to enjoy your trip but the more you dwelled on things the more you realised that not only were you being unfair to Alastair… You were being unfair to yourself.
You deserved to be in love and you weren’t.
So you broke things off.
…
You were furious.
You’d been in the middle of a meeting when the office assistant had popped her head in. Informing you that daycare had called and Javier hadn’t collected Sophia.
You’d had to excuse yourself from the meeting and had stormed to your desk. Angrily dialling Javier’s number and audibly growling when he hadn’t answered. After your third attempt, you’d apologised to your boss and informed him you had to go and when you’d arrived at daycare, you’d been even more apologetic.
Pulling up in the parking lot of his building, you’d angrily stomped up the stairs to Javier’s apartment. Banging angrily on the door as you called out for him. You knew he was there. His truck was in the parking lot and you. could hear his TV through the open window, so when he didn’t come to the door you jammed your spare key in the lock and practically kicked open the door.
“JAVIER.” You yelled, eyes scanning the open plan kitchen lounge “Javier I know you’re here.”
Still nothing.
“For fucks sakes Javi, if you’re-” You stopped in your tracks when you noticed something out the corner of your eye.
Stepping further into the apartment… You finally found him.
“JAVI.” You yelled as you sprinted to him, dropping to your knees.
You placed Sophia on the floor beside you before desperately trying to rouse the man. You sobbed when you lowered your ear to his mouth, only to find he wasn’t breathing and then suddenly you were desperately searching for a pulse.
“Javi.” You sobbed, gasping when you found a pulse.
Weak, but there.
Then your first aid training kicked in. Tilting his head back you blew a few rescue breaths into his mouth before starting compressions, silently pleading for him to breathe. You repeated the process again, wiping your tears on your shoulder as you continued compressions.
“Come on Javi.” You begged, “Breath for me.”
“Papi-” Sophia cried as she started to pat his face and your heart broke.
She shouldn’t have to see this.
You blew two more breaths into his dormant lungs and were rewarded with a gasp. You quickly put him into the recovery position and then sprinted to his phone. He was breathing now but that could change.
He needed help and quick.
…
The hours that followed were a blur. After going with Javier in the ambulance you were left to wait for news on his condition. Suddenly all that anger you felt towards the man disappeared and was replaced with intense guilt. It hadn’t been like Javier not to collect her. You should have known something had happened but instead, you’d assumed he was letting you down again.
How wrong you were.
You’d called Chucho the moment you’d arrived at the hospital and had been sent to the waiting room. You’d sobbed the moment the man came into view and pulled you into his arms. The two of you had then sat down together and waited in silence. Praying that when the doctor finally found them… The news wasn’t bad.
“Family for Javier Peña.” A voice called out and you both raised your hand before standing.
“How is he?” You asked. Your voice shaking as much as your hands.
“He suffered a cardiac event.” The man stated and you gasped “He’s stable now but it’s clear that he’s not been taking particularly good care of himself.” He stated and you sighed “Has he been over-exerting himself at all or?…”
“He’s been doing some pretty big jobs for me on the ranch but… Well, he told me he could handle it.” Chucho choked and you grabbed his hand to comfort him.
“Well, it’s clear he’s exhausted.” The doctor stated and you both nodded “He’s going to need to rest awhile. His diet is not good either as he’s pretty underweight.
I recommend he stay with someone for a while. At least till his strength returns.”
“I can stay with him.” You said without question “Whatever he needs.”
“Cardiac events affect everyone differently.” The doctor started, crossing his arms over his chest before continuing “He may feel sad. It’s common for emotions to be rattled after an event like this.”
“Okay.”
“He’ll be weak.” He continued “Will find tasks will tire him out quickly but that’s all normal.”
“But he’s going to be okay?” Chucho asked and the doctor nodded.
“I want to keep him in for a few days for observation… But I’m confident with rest and time that he’ll make a full recovery.”
“When can we see him?” You asked, glancing down at the sleeping Sophia in your arms.
“I’ll take you to him.”
You both followed the doctor as he led you through the clinical halls to a room. There inside lay Javier. Machines beeped as they monitored his vitals as he slept. You and the older Peña made your way to his side, you on one side of the bed and Chucho on the other. Then you waited. Waited for him to wake up, to let you know he was still with you despite the machines telling you so.
When Sophia grew restless and Chucho’s back started to protest, you told him to go home. That you would stay with Javi and let him know if anything changed. The older man left without argument and you were then left alone to wait… And wait you did.
It was in the early hours the next morning that he finally stirred and you were at his side in the blink of an eye, clutching to his hand as you waited for the fog to clear.
“What happened?” He asked when he realised where he was, eyes then drifting to you.
“You suffered a cardiac event Javi.” You said, squeezing his hand gently “You’ve been overdoing it.”
“I haven’t.” He protested and you giggled at his reply.
“Your doctor says differently.”
“Hmm.” He hummed, unable to argue with you but not happy either.
“The doctor wants to keep you in a few more days for observation but then you’re coming home with me so I can keep an eye on you.”
“I don’t need babysitting.” He protested and you scoffed.
“You’re going to be weak for a little while Javi.” You stated “You’re going to need help… Just let me help you.”
“Why?”
His question caught you by surprise but it also made you realise something too.
“When I found you lying there I thought… This is it! I’ve lost you forever and it killed me.” You choked back a sob, tears falling freely now “We’ve made such a mess of things, Javi. And when I found you there not breathing I thought that I’d lost my chance to go after what it was I truly wanted.”
“Which is?”
“You.” You replied simply.
“But Alistair?”
“We broke up over the weekend.” You replied, shrugging your shoulders “Yeah he was great and he was safe but I wasn’t in love with him and that wasn’t fair on him.”
“You broke up?” He said, his voice tiny all of a sudden.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I love you, Javier.” You declared, voice steady “I love you and I want to try and make this work because I’m tired of fighting this… Tired of fighting you.”
“You love me?” His tears glittered on his cheeks as he let out a stuttered breath.
“Yes.” You replied as you stroked the droplets away with your thumbs “And if you’ll have me, I would like us to try and start afresh.”
Javier was silent a few moments before grabbing the back of your head and pulling you into a kiss that stole the air from your lungs. You couldn’t help but let out a small squeak and he smiled against your lips before pulling away, resting his brow on yours.
“I want that too.” He replied breathlessly, grinning at you like a loon.
“No more mistakes?” You asked and he shook his head.
“No more mistakes, Hermosa.” He assured you “I’m not losing you again.”
He paused a moment as he drank you in before opening his eyes and locking your gaze once more.
“You and Sophia are all I want.” he said, pausing to place a chaste kiss on your lips “We’re a family cariño… You’re it.”
“You’re it for me too.” You replied and he smiled again “This is a second chance and I’m not going to let it slip.”
He answered you with a kiss that made your toes curl and your heart flutter. You were under no illusions that things weren’t going to be tough but you knew that together… You could tackle anything.
