#jimonedit
Track Four: Shame on me baby.
Rating:E 18+ (scenes of a sexual nature ~ canon typical violence ~ rated E for later chapters)
Pairings:Simon Lewis x Jace (insert chosen last name here) / minor Alec Lightwood x Magnus Bane / minor Simon Lewis x others)
Chapter Summary: Simon desperately wants to fix whatever has gone wrong between him and Jace but the shadowhunter seems determined to continue being an ass. That’s fine. If he wants Simon gone then he’s gone. He’s not going to stick around somewhere he clearly isn’t wanted.
Jace was acting weird.
It had been a couple of weeks since the bar incident as Simon was calling it and though things had kind of gotten back to normal they were by no means perfect. Despite having still been angry and a little hurt by Jace’s actions the night before Simon had kept his promise and gone to the institute the next day, a mango smoothie in one hand and a club sandwich in the other. It had been meant as a peace offering, something to ease the tension he imagined would greet him at the institute but considering how rude the other man had been the night before Simon hadn’t been completely convinced that Jace wouldn’t just upend the drink over his head as soon as he handed it over.
Things had been a little uncomfortable to start with. Jace was clearly still angry with Simon and though he couldn’t quite understand why he had reacted so badly Simon had tried to rectify whatever had gone wrong between them the night before. He could only assume that Jace had been angry about Simon keeping things from him but he doubted he would ever find out exactly what had been the reason behind Jace being such an asshole because in true Jace fashion they had never actually spoken about it.
Alec had been there when Simon had turned up, he and Jace a whirling mass of limbs and swords and they spared. Simon had gotten to admire the view for all of two seconds before they had noticed he was there and everything had come to a sudden stop. He and Alec were by no means best friends but they were friendly enough and Simon had thought they had gotten past all the anger and animosity but clearly not because Alec had glared at Simon like he wanted to slowly drive a stake through his heart. Simon was man enough to admit that Alec terrified the hell out of him and he knew that whatever had happened between he and Jace needed to be fixed before Alec started cutting off body parts.
Jace had been the one to convince him to leave, Alec clearly reluctant to go but Jace had said his name in that way, all gentle and fond and the other shadowhunter had begrudgingly left them alone, glaring at Simon the whole time as he strode from the room. Once Alec was gone Jace still didn’t acknowledge him though, didn’t even look up at him and instead started tidying away the equipment they had been using. Simon had stood there awkwardly for all of two seconds, unsure what to do but he had never been one to handle the quiet well so he did what he always did and filled it with nerves rambling and pointless pop culture references.
Jace still hadn’t said anything as Simon rambled on, barreling headfirst into the subject and just spewing one apology after another. Simon was sorry, he hadn’t meant to keep what he was doing a secret from Jace or everyone else either but it had just kind of happened and Simon had been terrified that Jace knowing about his sleeping habits would mean he would have to explain why he was acting so out of character and he really didn’t want to have to tell Jace it was all his fault that Simon had ended up in this situation.
Simon had always been aware of how attractive Jace was, right from the very first moment he had laid eyes on the blonde bombshell. It had been part of the reason Simon had disliked him so much, well that and his massively inflated ego and cocky attitude. The point was that even when they had hated each other Simon had known that Jace was always the hottest guy in the room and that had been fine. Simon knew he could never compete with him in that aspect, had accepted that a long time ago but what he hadn’t been counting on was the more he got to know the blonde the more he would grow to actually like Jace.
Simon knew he was bi, had known since he was thirteen and gotten half hard drooling over a half naked Brad Pitt. Clary had known as well, of course she had, they had been best friends after all and told each other everything, well almost everything. Simon had never had the guts to tell her he wanted the love of her life to bend him over the nearest flat surface and make him scream in all the best ways. The point was that Simon hadn’t cared that he found Jace pretty or that he fantasised one to many times about the guy, even if he did feel slightly guilty about getting off to said fantasies afterwards. No what Simon cared about was the fact that it wasn’t just a physical attraction. Simon would have been able to handle that. Jace wasn’t the first straight guy that he had found attractive, it was bound to happen at some point and he would have been able to move on and get over it fairly quickly if it had just been physical but of course he hadn’t been that lucky.
Simon liked Jace. Like, like liked Jace and that was just catastrophic on an apocalyptical level. Mr ‘I’m secure in my sexuality’ Herondale had made it perfectly clear that he was as straight as a flag poll and even if he hadn’t been Simon knew he wouldn’t have stood a chance any way. Guys like him never went for the nerdy and awkward types like Simon, especially not the hot, leather clad angelic warrior kind that had the love of his life already at their side.
He had been jealous, he could admit that. Not just of Jace but Clary to. The two people he cared for the most in the world were happy together and though it left Simon feeling a little out cast he was still happy for them. They were in love and happy and really that was all Simon could ever ask for. So he had put his feelings in a box and buried them as deep as he could and tried to move on. First with Maia and then with Izzy. Neither of those relationships had gone to plan but they had ended amicably and their friendships were probably stronger now thanks to the intimacy they once shared. Simon had moved on, from his puppy love with Clary and his hero worship for Jace, or he thought he had at least but then everything had gone to hell and Simon’s life had started to fall apart once more.
He was the only one who could even come close to understanding what Jace was going through and he had seen it as his duty to help his best friend’s epic love make it through losing her. They had started to spend more time together, to much time if Simon was being honest because that almost forgotten and dust covered box began to crack and everything he had though he had moved on from came pouring back out. He hadn’t moved on at all, just buried it so deep that he had forgotten it was even there.
It was to much sometimes, how full on Jace could be but Simon had wanted to be there for him, wanted to be the friend Jace deserved so he had put Jace’s needs first and forced his own feelings down until they were nothing but a fleeting thought. In the end it had been worth it because now Simon could say without any sarcasm or denial from the other man that he and Jace were friends and close ones at that. If only Jace would have stopped flirting with Simon than he would have been able to stick to the plan and just stayed friends.
Simon wasn’t an idiot, he knew that Jace flirted with anything and everything with a pulse and even those without. He knew Jace didn’t mean anything by it, knew that he was just being himself but Simon wasn’t used to being on the receiving end and every time Jace turned that charming smile on him or winked or made some suggestive comment, Simon could have sworn his dead heart would flutter only to rapidly turn back to stone when he remembered it didn’t mean anything to the blonde. It was exhausting, wearing him down to the point he felt like he was going to snap and just yell at Jace to stop. It was too much and it hurt to have something he so desperately wanted constantly dangled in front of him only to have it snatched away with a melodic laugh and a friendly pat on the shoulder.
Some days he handled it better then others and some days he went home and questioned the choices he had made in his life to end up hopelessly in love with his straight friend who also happened to be his ex’s brother and his best friend’s soul mate. It was like a story line out of one of those trashy teen fantasy adventures and they only ever turned out good for the main characters and Simon definitely wasn’t that.
It was on a particularly bad day that Simon found himself seeking refuge at the Hunters Moon, trying not to down one plasma shot after another. Jace had been to much that day, getting into Simon’s personal space and constantly touching him whilst calling him babe and darling. Simon’s fragile heart hadn’t been able to take it so when Jace had headed off for patrol Simon had turned down the invite to join him and had made up some half formed lie about trying out for a band. He had made a quick escape before anyone could question it, running at full speed and only stopping once he was stood outside the bar.
He had been pleasantly buzzed, just on the right side of drunk when someone had slipped into the empty bar stool next to him and asked him if the brooding vampire act worked for him. He had been confused at first, not thinking she was talking to him because why would she? No one approached Simon and especially not insanely attractive brunettes with legs that went on for days and plush red lips that Simon wanted to sink his teeth into. She had been the complete opposite to Jace, all soft curves and gentle touches where Jace was hard muscles and undeniable strength. Simon had desperately wanted to forget, just for one night that he wasn’t right back where all this craziness had started and hopelessly in love with a friend but unlike with Clary Simon knew there wasn’t a chance that Jace would ever want him back. So Simon had welcomed her advances, a little awkwardly at first but after another drink he had loosened up and actually managed to not embarrass himself for once in his life.
Things had gotten a little hazy after that. There had been more drinking, a lot of flirting and casual touches. Simon remembered almost dropping his drink the first time she touched him, her long and delicate fingers gently stroking up the inside of his thigh. It had been unexpected but not unwelcome and as the night went on he became bolder in his own actions, his confidence growing as time went on.
He had taken her home with him, the two of them all laughter and stolen kisses as they stumbled through his apartment, stripping off the others clothes as they went. It hadn’t been gentle but it had been passionate. Simon had never slept with another vampire before and it had been an experience he wouldn’t forget any time soon. It had been nice not to hold back, to not have to worry about his speed or strength or even his fangs. He hadn’t had to worry about anything apart from making her feel good and Simon knew he was more than capable of doing that.
The next day when he had finally managed to drag himself out of bed the apartment had been a mess, looking like it had been ransacked almost. He had ignored it all, grabbing a couple of bottles of blood and head back to his bed and the women still in it. Though he was hung over he was more than ready to carry on where they had left off and that was exactly what they had done, wasting away the day in a tangle of limbs and sheets, the rest of the world simply falling away as he lost himself in the other vampire. It wasn’t till night had come back round and she had gone that Simon even realized he hadn’t thought of Jace once the whole day.
It had left him stunned, shocked that he hadn’t even noticed the other mans absence, frozen in the living room and clutching a cushion like it was the only thing keeping him tethered to the here and now. He had forgotten Jace, hadn’t even spared the blonde a thought, not even to wish it was him in his bed and not the vampire. For one glorious night and day Simon hadn’t been focused on a man he couldn’t have. He felt guilty, especially when he dug his phone out of his jeans and had seen all the miss calls and texts from Jace as well as a few from Izzy to. He had text him back straight away apologizing for being MIA and promising to meet Jace in an hour for his patrol. The only reply he had gotten was a demand for coffee and a cinnamon roll, something Simon was more than capable of providing.
Simon didn’t know why but when Jace had asked him about his absence all day he hadn’t been able to tell him why. It was like the words had got stuck in his throat, refusing to move past his lips. He felt guilty, a little ashamed over what he had done because as much as he had enjoyed the vampires company he had used her as a distraction, a way to cover up and redirect his feelings for Jace. How could he tell Jace that he had spent the day between someone else’s legs to forget about him? So he hadn’t, had carried on with his lie about joining a band and when Jace had pushed for information Simon had brushed him off and changed the subject, rambling a mile a minuet about the new Marvel movie he wanted to see.
He hadn’t meant for it to become a thing but once could be classed as a mistake, a second time a case of bad judgment but a third, a fourth? That was when it became a habit. Every time it became to much, when Simon felt like he was just seconds away from cracking and pinning Jace down and telling him everything he had kept bottled up for so long, Simon would go out looking for a distraction and he found one every time.
He knew it wasn’t the best coping mechanism but it had worked well enough for Jace before, well everything and it wasn’t like Simon was hurting anyone other than himself. He could ask Jace to stop with the flirting and casual touches and Simon knew that was probably what he should have done but he didn’t want Jace to feel like he couldn’t be himself around Simon, that he didn’t like the person Jace was because that couldn’t be furthest from the truth. So he kept his mouth shut and endured the teasing, the flirting, the way Jace would touch him so casually and completely unaware that it left Simon feeling like his skin was burning. Simon just gritted his teeth and plaster on a wide smile acting like it was nothing, normal even and somewhere along the line it had become normal for them to flirt and joke about being a old married couple.
The worst thing was that it help Simon’s confidence, the more Jace pretended to hit on him the better Simon became at flirting and picking people up. He was getting a bit of a reputation in the down world and Maia thought it was hilarious how he and Jace had seemed to of switched roles. That wasn’t lost on Simon. He was now the one with a phone full of casual flings and a name to hide it all behind and Jace was the one who seemed incapable of picking anyone up if the way he had crashed and burned the other week was any indication.
It worked for Simon though, surprisingly well actually and as the weeks turned to months and his confidence grew Simon found himself able to get through the day without worrying about Jace and how easy he could screw up the friendship he valued over everything else. He flirted back now, liked how Jace just beamed at him when he did like it was some fantastical inside joke that the two of them shared. Simon channeled everything he felt for Jace into his one night stands and casual flings and his life seemed to balance out, Simon finally able to be the friend that Jace deserved.
Simon hadn’t told Jace any of that though. He was already angry enough with Simon as it was and he didn’t want Jace punching him in the face and telling him to get lost and never find his way back. Instead he had apologized for the secrecy and the lies. He was sorry he had kept it a secret but he hadn’t meant to, it had just kind of happened and any way he hadn’t thought it would be that big of a deal considering Jace’s own lifestyle before Clary had shown up. He promised not to lie in the future and swore that he hadn’t meant to hurt Jace by making him feel like Simon didn’t trust him or worse yet didn’t care about him.
Jace had sat there the whole time, silently sipping at his drink and eating his sandwich, not giving Simon any indication that he was even listening to him as he paced up and down the training room. It was only when he finally stopped rambling that Jace spoke, offering up a simple ‘okay’. Simon hadn’t really understood, parroting the word back at the blonde in confusion. Jace had just rolled his eyes, insisting it was fine, Jace wasn’t his keeper and if Simon wanted to screw around with half the down world then that was his prerogative. Jace didn’t care were he stuck his dick as long as it didn’t interfere with there work.
That had hurt a little, not as much as the night before but still left Simon feeling ashamed of himself. He had taken Jace’s forgiveness though, grasped it with both hands like the pathetic and desperate mess he was, still is. He was just glad that Jace wasn’t mad at him anymore. He hadn’t pushed for more time when Jace had gone off to find Alec, Jace patting him on the shoulder as he walked passed and reminding Simon about their scheduled trading the next day.
It had been a relief but something about it had all seemed a little off. Jace had been quiet, more subdued and a little somber. It had worried Simon that Jace hadn’t actually forgiven anything and had only said he had to avoid any problems between the two of them. But he put his faith in Jace, trusting that after everything they had been through that Jace wouldn’t lie to him like that but as the weeks passed Simon was starting to think that he had damaged their relationship beyond repair and he couldn’t understand how.
Things were a little weird between them now and Simon couldn’t pin point the exact reason why. He would have thought it was because Jace had seen Simon making out with a guy but he knew that was absurd because Jace had no problem with Alec or Magnus so why would he have a problem with Simon about it. Jace didn’t flirt as much now, didn’t touch Simon as much either and Simon knew that he should be thankful for that but it left him feeling weird, almost on edge, like he was touch starved and desperately awaiting the next moment he could feel Jace’s hands on him. He hadn’t realise how much Jace touched him until it all seemed to stop and now Simon was left feeling disappointed and sad every time that touch never came. It was like he was being punished and Simon was close to a full blown breakdown. In fact he might even start crying if Jace goes to touch him only to change his mind at the last second.
Maybe it was because Jace had found out that Simon was bi. Maybe he was worried that their casual flirting would give Simon ideas that Jace wanted nothing to do with. Simon wasn’t stupid though and he knew that it didn’t mean anything to Jace, not like it did for him and Simon would never act on any of his feelings, ever. He wanted Jace in his life and he was well aware he would only get that if they were friends and Simon had come to terms with that, except he wasn’t so sure they were friends any more.
They hadn’t been spending as much time together outside of training and patrols, Jace always saying he didn’t want to ruin any plans Simon might have. He would wink at Simon, make some comment about his sex life that always left Simon feeling ashamed and dirty and like Jace was judging him for how he spent his nights. He was sure he was being punished, kept at arms length and it hurt. He felt like they were going backwards, the friendship that Simon valued so much slowly unravelling with every refused offer to hang out or aborted touch. It hurt to lose that closeness and Simon didn’t know what to do to fix it outside of getting into another relationship with a women just so Jace wouldn’t worry about Simon’s interest in him. Well that or becoming a priest but that would be difficult considering he still couldn’t say g-ah.
“I hate it when you do that.” Izzy’s voice yanked Simon out of his head and away from his spiraling thought, his head snapping up from where he had been starting unseeingly down at the table. “Huh?” She sighed, rolling her eyes as she put down the tablet she had been holding and looked pointedly at him. “Stop breathing and go all still. You look like a depressed statue.” Simon’s jerks up straight, forcing himself to take unneeded breaths once more. He hadn’t even noticed, had been so consumed with everything going on in his head that he didn’t realise he had just checked out of what was going on around him.
“Sorry,” he laughed nervously, rubbing at the back of his neck and looking off to the side. The ops center was busy, shadowhunters milling around and going about their daily tasks like a vampire wasn’t stood amongst them. He supposed they were used to him but now considering how much time he spent in the institute. Izzy had joked about him moving in once, making some teasing comment about how he and Jace were practically dating anyway so they should just move in together and make it official. Simon had almost choked on his blood but Jace had laughed and slung his arm around Simon’s shoulder, casually commenting on the fact he didn’t have enough space in his room for all Simon’s nerd stuff so he should just move into Simon’s apartment instead.
It was things like that that left Simon scrambling, unsure what to do with his feelings. He had played along, joking about not having nearly enough room in his bathroom cupboards for all of Jace’s hair products whilst internally he had been struggling not to imagine how his home would look if Jace was to share it with him. He hated how much he wanted that. Wanted to come home to the gentle sound of piano music and blades stored amongst the umbrellas and the fridge full of food alongside his bottles of blood. It was a pointless fantasy and whenever someone brought things like that up it always left Simon feeling alone, his apartment to big just for him.
“So you want to tell me?” Izzy asked, not even looking at Simon as she began to pull up reports. Simon shifted, crossing his arms over his chest and leaned against the edge of the table. “Tell you what?” he said casually, planning on feigning ignorance for as long as he could. This was one secret he would keep and he wouldn’t let Isabelle bully it out of him. She glanced up from her tablet, raising a perfectly manicured eyebrow at him. “Why all the depressed statue nonsense.” Simon pursed his lips, giving Izzy his best unimpressed look. He wasn’t a depressed statute, he was a melancholy vampire. There was a difference. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Simon mumbled, lifting his head up and looking off to the side.
Izzy huffed in amusement, her attention going back to her work even though a wide smile stretched across her plump red lips. She looked good, always did and though Simon loved where they were now he did regret that they hadn’t worked out. He could see himself really loving Izzy, the two of them maybe even getting married and adopting little shadowhunter’s but it wasn’t fair to her, to ask for that sort of commitment when he was in love with her brother and sure, maybe if he had stuck it out and worked at it he would have fallen out of love with Jace eventually but he didn’t want to get five years down the line and the two of them thinking about all the kind of things that came with a long term relationship and still be pining after Jace. It wasn’t fair and he wouldn’t do that to her, Simon cared too much about her to do that to her.
“Sure and it’s nothing to do with the little lovers quarrel you and Jace are having?” Simon narrowed his eyes at her, not at all impressed with the knowing look or satisfied smirk she was giving him. “We’re not lovers,” he grumbled. They weren’t lovers and at this rate Simon didn’t think he would be able to call them friends for much longer. “But you are fighting?” Crap. He had walked straight into that one, focusing on the one thing she knew annoyed him. Sighing he closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand. “We’re not fight we’re…I don’t know it’s….complicated.” He cringed as he stumbled over his words, not really knowing how to even begin describing what was happening between him and Jace because Simon simply didn’t know. They definitely weren’t fighting but something was going on between them and it wasn’t good.
Izzy looked up, frown in place and a demand for more information already on the tip of her tongue. Simon can’t do it, can’t stand here and talk about his big gay crush on his ex’s brother or the fact that he was coping with that attraction by sleeping with anyone who showed interest. Maia was right, he is a slut. “Look its fine, we’re fine,” he rushed out, waving off whatever she had been about to ask and taking a step backwards without looking. “It’s not important and stupid. We’ll be right as rain in no time,” Simon rambled, still not paying attention as he walked backwards and tried to get as far away from the current conversation as he could without being rude.
He was so caught up with what he was saying that Simon didn’t notice the shadowhunter behind him until his shoulder slammed into them and he stumbled backwards. Strong hands gripped his arm and waist, stopping him from falling flat on his ass. With wide eyes he looked up at the man scowling down at him, his blue eyes filled with annoyance. “Watch where you’re going,” he growled and Simon quickly righted himself, giving the guy a sheepish look as he huffed and continued on his way. G-ah he couldn’t do anything right could he? Not even something as simple was walking.
“Careful, we wouldn’t want any more accidents.” Simon spun back round at the teasing words, Izzy smiling widely up at him. Panic set in, Simon feeling a cold dread seep into his very soul but it was replaced quickly by a wave of anger. “He told you?” Simon hissed. She knew, she had to know to have said that and looking at Simon all knowingly and sly. He didn’t know why but Simon had thought Jace had kept it to himself but why would he? Simon should have known that he would tell at least Isabelle, Alec and by extension Magnus. His whole core friend group probably knew by now what Simon had been doing when he had been pretending to be off at band practice. He felt judged and he didn’t like it, especially coming from the likes of Izzy and Jace, two people who had still probably slept with more people than Simon had.
“No,” Izzy spoke cautiously, eyeing Simon like she was worried that he was about go hunt down Jace and start yelling at him. Honestly it was tempting. Simon got he was angry about the lying and weirded out by the whole bi thing but what right did he have to make any kind of judgment on how Simon spent his free time or with who he sought the company of? Simon hadn’t done anything wrong and Jace shouldn’t be making him feel so shitty about his chosen life style when he had been just as bad once, if not worse. Simon wanted to go find Jace in whatever room he had hidden himself away in and demand an explanation, to call him out on all the utter bullshit of the last few weeks and finally find out what his problem truly was instead of tip toeing around the issue because he was afraid of damaging their already strained relationship beyond repair. Simon loved Jace, he did but just because he loved the man didn’t mean he would stand there and let him treat him like that.
“Maia did.” Izzy’s tentative words cut through Simon’s tangent, his anger at Jace easing ever so slightly. Simon groaned, the tension leaving his shoulders as his head fell forward into his hands. Of course Maia would have told Izzy, those two got on surprisingly well and loved nothing more than to triad embarrassing stories about Simon. He knew he was just lashing out at Jace because he was hurt by the other mans treatment of him but that didn’t change anything. Jace was being kind of shitty to Simon at the moment and Simon could live with that if he only knew the reason why.
Of all the stupid and idiotic things he could halve said though, calling it an accident had probably been up there with trying to hiding it all in the first place but it had been an accident. Simon hadn’t meant to pick up both of them, had only intended to score a date with Alva but when he had turned up and she had been sat waiting with Alvin he hadn’t had the heart to turn the man away. And anyway Alvin was insanely attractive, they both were and Simon would be lying if he said that a threesome wasn’t a fantasy of his, he had just always imagined it with Clary and some other unspecified person. There had been a few months where Simon had imagined a tumble or two with Clary and Jace but he had quickly shut that thought down, not wanting to get too fixated on the blonde.
A lot of good that had done him.
Izzy laughed, clearly enjoying Simon’s embarrassment. “Shut up,” he mumbled even as he smiled softly at her. He was still a little annoyed at Maia but he had never actively set out to hide, it had just happened that way and he was surprised it had taken this long for him to be found out. “It was kind of idiotic, even for you,” Isabelle smiled at him, her eyes practically sparkling as she teased him. Simon laughed gently, stepping back up to the table and leaning against it again. “Yeah well, I never said I was smart.” He was an idiot when it came to all things Jace and when faced with the blonde’s anger Simon had faltered, losing whatever confidence he had had when it had just been him and the two seelie’s.
They lapsed into silence, Izzy tapping away and Simon just stood there watching. He made a conscious effort this time to move every now and then and made sure that he kept up the charade of breathing. The silence didn’t last long though, Izzy speaking before he got too bogged down in his thoughts. “Is that why you and Jace are fighting.” Simon sighed. He should have known that she wouldn’t leave it alone. He could brush it off, should just leave but Simon was tired and he wanted to talk to someone about it because it was exhausting dealing with the emotional whiplash. He just wanted things back to normal and without asking Magnus to rewind time Simon was at a loss as what to do.
“Honestly I have no idea what’s going on with Jace right now. He’s been off with me since he found out about the whole-” Simon gestured at himself, “band practice thing.” Simon sighed, his posture slumping as he braced his hands on the desk and let his head fall forward to hang between his arms. Why was his life always so complicated? Just for once he wanted to just cost through life without any problems or ridiculous complications. He just wanted to exist, happy and carefree for just one day. That wasn’t too much to ask for was it?
“Simon,” Izzy sighed, her delicate looking hand appearing in his field of vision as she placed it over one of his. Simon lifted his head slightly, looking up at her through his lashes. She was giving him a sad smile, her head tipped to the side slightly and her hair tumbling over her shoulder in dark and silky waves. “Can you really not think of a reason why he would be acting like he is?” she urged softly and Simon frowned. He thought it was because Jace was annoyed by Simon’s secrecy and that he was uncomfortable with finding out that Simon was into guys but from the look Izzy was giving him he thought that maybe it was something else but Simon just couldn’t see what else she would be implying.
Before he could tell he that though his phone started to ring, the opening bars of the Star Wars theme loud and jarring in the mostly muffled murmur of the room. Snatching his hand away Simon fumbled for his phone, fishing it out of his back pocket and flipping it over to see who it was. Though he knew it wouldn’t be Jace, the blonde having his own ringtone of the Captain America theme, there had still been a spark of hope that it would have been the blonde. As the name Tyler flashed across the screen though Simon felt nothing but disappointment. He supposed it was a blonde, just the wrong one.
Simon had met Tyler a couple of months ago at the Jade Palace and well, Simon had been gone the second he had walked in the door. He was tall, with long dirty blonde hair and eyes grey like a storm was rolling in. He clearly worked out, his obvious muscles rippling as he moved and Simon hadn’t been able to look away, transfixed by the animal like grace he possessed. Simon should have ran in the opposite direction, should have known that it would make things worse for him in the long run but he had spent the whole day with Jace, the other man flirting like he was actively trying to get Simon into bed as they spared and Simon had been desperate for something to help him get rid of the tension running through his body and the hunger singing in his veins.
It was easy to see the similarities between Jace and Tyler, wasn’t lost on Simon why the werewolf had caught his attention in the first place. The guy was cocky and arrogant though and unlike with Jace where it was earned and kind of endearing it just made the werewolf come across as a complete and utter asshole. He was mean as well, spiteful even, not really caring about his cruel words or too tight grip. Simon had known it was a terrible decision to get involved with him yet he kept going back like the stupid and pathetic mess that he was. He was the only person Simon was seeing on a semi regular basis that he didn’t actually like. The sex was always good but Simon always felt like shit afterwards and no matter how long he spent in the shower he could never get the feeling of being dirty to go away.
“Are you going to answer that?” Simon darted his eyes up to Izzy. “Erm no,” he answered quickly, declining the call and shoving his phone back into his pocket. She raised an eyebrow at him and Simon shrugged, pointedly not looking her in the eye. “You know I don’t mind if it was someone trying to set up a date?” She smiled reassuringly at him and Simon felt something inside him crack a little. “No, I did not know that,” he said honestly, admitting to his fear that she would think less of him for his actions. “It’s just sex Simon and as long as you’re being safe and everyone involved is a consenting adult no one has any right to judge you for it, least of all us.”
Simon wanted to laugh at that, wanted to ask if she could go tell Jace that because he was definitely judging Simon for his sex life. “No. Yeah. Sure. Everything’s safe, sane and consenting. Well mostly sane, sometimes we might be a little drunk,” Simon rambled, the words rushing out of him in a bid to reassure Izzy that he wasn’t a complete screw up. She was smiling fondly at him, the same look she always gave him when he was being like this. It was nice, reassuring to know that nothing had changed between them. He didn’t realise how much he had need someone to let him know everything was okay until Izzy had. His happiness was quickly swallowed up by hurt and anger though as Simon’s mind went back to Jace. Why was it so easy for Izzy to accept it, to accept him and to act like nothing had changed when Jace couldn’t even look him in the eye now?
As if he had been summoned just by the thought of him Jace came bounding down the stairs, smirking as he made his way towards them. “Who’s drunk and why wasn’t I invited?” He barely even glanced at Simon as he walked round the table coming to a stop next to Izzy and placing his own tablet down. “No one,” Simon rushed out before Izzy could say anything, shooting her a glare as she laughed. Jace looked between the two of them, raising an eyebrow at Simon as if he expected an explanation but considering how Jace had been lately Simon really didn’t want to bring his sex life into any conversation that Jace was involved in.
“Not in the talking mood today? That’s new,” Jace said teasingly and Simon turned his glare towards him, crossing his arms over his chest as he did so. Jace snorted in laughter, a genuine smile spreading across his lips and Simon instantly felt his glare soften. The last few weeks those smiles had been rare and seeing it now left Simon feeling warm, like the first time he had been able to stand in the sunlight after he became a vampire. The feeling didn’t last long.
“Simon’s embarrassed. He doesn’t want to arrange band practice in front of us,” Izzy teased, smiling widely across the table at Simon as she nocked her shoulder into Jace’s. The smile fell from Jace’s lips instantly, hurt and disappointment flickering behind Jace’s eyes. “Izzy,” Simon hissed angrily at her even as he was unable to tear his gaze away from Jace, watching as he just kind of shut down. Jace laughed but it was hollow, his smile obviously fake to Simon who had spent years watching the other man. “What’s the matter Lewis, afraid we’ll find out who your band mates are?” His voice was light and teasing as he spoke and to anyone else it probably would have seemed like the three of them were sharing a joke but Simon caught the slight bite to his name, the minuscule twitch of his lips into a frown at the end. Jace only ever called him Lewis when he was angry with him. Well that or mundie but that one always seemed to hurt more, like he couldn’t even acknowledge everything that had happened since he and Simon had first met.
“No, I thought we could hang out. Maybe go see a movie and get dinner. My treat,” Simon said quietly, his voice surprisingly flat and lacking any real emotion behind it. That had been why Simon had come to the institute, hoping to spend time with Jace and try and fix things but he had known the moment he had walked into the ops center and Jace had walked out that he wasn’t going to get the chance. Nothing had changed since then, in fact his chances of getting any time with Jace had probably gone down. “Nah, wouldn’t want you missing out on quality band time.” Jace didn’t even look up from the tablet he was fiddling with, his eyes tracking across the screen as he clicked on one thing than another.
“I don’t care about ‘band time’,” Simon spat out, making air quotes for it’s his fingers around the last two words, not that Jace was looking at him to see. Anger swirled in his stomach, his hands gripping at the edge of the table and eyes firmly fixed in the blonde. He wanted Jace to look at him. For once Simon wanted Jace to actually look at him and see what he was doing to him. Jace’s shoulders tensed, his hand stilling for a second before he continued with his work, his eyes never straying from the screen and sounding almost bored when he spoke. “It’s fine, go have fun with your groupies, we don’t need you here.” Simon felt his words like a slap to the face.
Jace had said a lot of crappy things to him since they had first met but somehow hearing him say he didn’t need him broke Simon’s cold dead heart in two. It felt like he was being told to get out and not come back, that Jace was trying to force him out of his life without actually having to say it. Simon knew he didn’t mean it like that, well he hoped he didn’t but the casual dismissal of Simon had his gut twisting, the thought of Jace not wanting him in any capacity making him feel sick.
“Look at me,” Simon demanded. If Jace wanted him gone then he could at least do Simon the favor of looking him in the eye when he told him. Jace’s heart rate picked up, his jaw clenched and eye twitching. Still he didn’t look up though, his eyes staying firmly fixed on the tablet in his hands. Simon wanted to yank it away from him, throw it across the room and listen to the satisfy noise as it shattered against the floor. “Look. At. Me,” he growled out, his anger swelling with every second that Jace ignored him. It was a simple request, all he wanted was to see the look in Jace’s eyes as he ripped Simon’s heart out. Maybe then he would be able to move on with his life and stop chasing someone who clearly didn’t want him.
Sighing Jace’s shoulders slumped slightly and finally he lifted his gaze up. “What?” he snapped in annoyance, glaring at Simon and if his heart was still beating Simon was sure it would have stopped. His eyes were dark and stormy, looking at Simon like he was nothing, an inconvenience. He looked so angry, glaring at Simon like he was the cause of all Jace’s problems and maybe he was. Faced with such hate Simon felt all the fight drain out of him.
What was he doing? Clearly Jace was done with him, probably was only being nice to avoid issues with Izzy and the work Simon did with Alec and the downworld council. He was making things worse like always. Jace was trying to make a clean break and here he was refusing to play along. Whatever had shifted for Jace that night clearly was bad enough that he didn’t want to salvage their friendship and Simon should respect that. Jace didn’t want or need him and the sooner he realized that the better it would be for both of them.
“It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry I bothered you,” Simon said softly, his eyes dropping in an attempt to escape Jace’s cold and angry eyes. He didn’t wait for an answer, didn’t want to hear Jace’s snarky and biting retort. He shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, keeping his head down and turned, walked away from them and the last shred of hope he had held onto of salvaging his and Jace’s relationship. “Simon!” He ignored Izzy’s loud cry of his name, speeding up as he strode from the room. He was desperate to get away before the tears began to fall and he made more of a fool of himself. He didn’t want Jace to see how much he had hurt him either, didn’t want Jace to see just how much Simon cared about what he though of him.
Simon couldn’t understand what he had done wrong, couldn’t understand why Jace was acting the way he was. Simon hadn’t done anything wrong and the fact he was treating Simon like he had was just unfair. Izzy was right, no one had the right to judge him for having an active sex life and especially not Jace bloody Herondale. Sure Simon had kept it a secret but Jace hadn’t gone around broadcasting his sexcapades to everyone either and sure that might have been because he didn’t want Clary to know how big a man whore he was but that just drew even more similarities between what Jace had done and what Simon was doing now.
To hell with Jace. If he wanted to throw away their friendship then so be it. Simon was done being the one to always apologize. If Jace wanted fix things between them than he knew where Simon was and until then he planned on staying as far away from Jace as he could. He clearly didn’t want Simon in his life and he could at least grant the asshole that.
As he shoved through the institute doors Simon yanked his phone out of his pocket and quickly unlocked it. His whole body felt like it was thrumming with electricity, the need to do something to get rid of all his pent up anger and aggression almost driving him mad. He needed to fight or fuck and lucky enough for him he had a whole phone of people willing to help him with the latter and one in particular who would be down for a mix of the two.
He clicked on Tyler’s contact, the phone ringing twice before the other man picked up. “Knew you couldn’t stay away,” he growled, a confident lilt to his voice that had Simon cringing. “My afternoon just opened up,” Simon said in answer, choosing to ignore his previous comment. “Lucky you.” Yeah lucky, that’s totally how Simon would describe his current situation. “Sure, be at my place in an hour or don’t bother coming at all.” Simon hung up before Tyler could spew any more crap and before he could change his mind. It was a bad decision but Simon was just full of those at the moment so why not add one more to the ever frowning list. It wasn’t like anyone cared what he did, not the ones that mattered anyway.
