#job applications

Kind of a personal, unhinged, manic ramble. But it’s 1:30 in the morning and I’m just in that kind of mood.

So, there’s nothing concrete yet because nobody answers emails at 1 in the morning in a Saturday. But.

I just applied for a position in the funeral home for my favourite cemetery in the city I live in. I’m not the top candidate because I don’t have a bachelor’s degree in anything, but it said on the listing that the degree wasn’t a necessary qualification— only a preferred one. But I have all the mandatory qualifications, including nearly 6 years of experience in customer service. Benefits of being poor as shit and joining the workforce in high school, I guess.

Anyway. I know it sounds weird to be excited to the point of mania over the possibility of working in a funeral home and helping grieving families bury their dead relatives. I know exactly how that sounds. But I really love this cemetery for a lot of reasons. And my little goth ass has wanted to work in a cemetery literally as long as I can remember. I’d like to be a groundskeeper, but I’m not physically capable. Which sucks. But the bright side is there’s still something I can do there and I really hope I at least land an interview. I’m just really excited and I hope that if I scream about it to enough people my ancestors will hear me and make it happen for me.

Just. I’m really excited and I hope I came across the job listing for a reason. I’m not sure how much I believe in anything like fate or destiny, but I think things have a way of working out in the long run.

• as with literally everything i write, this got really fucking long! like, wordcounter.net estimates this will take 7 minutes to read. so i’ve placed the bulk of this post under a read more
• this is not a quick tips kind of post; this is a detailed breakdown of how to write a resume from scratch, with examples that are largely taken from my own resume. this is primarily a resource for people who don’t know where to start with writing a resume, not for people who just want resume hacks
• i’m saying all this so i don’t get people in my inbox complaining about how long this is. writing a resume takes a lot of time and effort, and this post does not shy away from that
• creating a resume will take you a while, especially if this is your first attempt. don’t be discouraged! take breaks, and don’t try to make the perfect resume on the first try. this tutorial is designed to be completed in rounds
  
• it usually takes me a week to get a new master resume into working order
• don’t worry about page length right now. you should make a multipage master resume that contains every relevant experience before making a 1-page resume. after you’ve made the master, you can build custom resumes from it for job applications
• this post is best viewed on desktop, because i use nested bullets, and tumblr mobile hates those
• let’s get into it!

step 1:

• list out everything you’ve ever done that could feasibly count as a resume entry: extracurriculars, jobs, volunteer positions, research, organizations you were a part of (professional or casual), freelance work, long-term hobbies. i will refer to each different experience as an “entry”
• for each entry, write where (city + state) and when (timespan) you did that thing 
• ex.tritones a cappella group, los angeles, ca, august 20xx - present
• going forward, update this list as you join or complete new jobs/hobbies/whatever so that you don’t have to wrack your brain a year down the road wondering how long you held down that job or leadership role

step 2:

• describe each entry
• use bullet points to list out all the things you did within that role. start with the big picture, then move on to the small stuff
• big picture: the goal of the role/organization/research, overarching and long-term projects, what results you were trying to achieve + why
• ex. “studied the neuroanatomy and synaptopathy of the inner ear to determine the role of glutamate receptors in hearing loss”
• small stuff: literal day-to-day tasks, every software and hardware you worked with, any particularly successful moments
• basically, walk through a typical day or week in this role and list out every single thing you have to do, even the grunt work.
• ex. “used redcap to administer neuropsychological batteries and collect biological data”
• ex. “designed and implemented a novel article format that yielded a 10% increase in audience retention”
  
• if you still have access to the original job posting or a corporate description of responsibilities for your role, pull that up and see how much you can paraphrase from it
• no duty is too stupid rn. did you google weather forecasts for your boss every week? write it down. you can make it fancy or choose to delete it later

step 3:

• fancify this shit
  
• rewrite your bullet points from step 2 with better jargon. tell your employers what you did in a concise yet assertive manner
  
• it helps to break down each point into its most basic components, which you can then generalize or rephrase 
  
• ex. “googled weather forecasts” might become “compiled weekly reports on changing data points to assess weather trends over time”
• use action words. you can find resources all over the internet for this, but if you’re still struggling, shoot me an ask and i’ll link some of the resources i’ve used myself
• caution: you don’t want to sound like you used a thesaurus on every word. make sure you aren’t obscuring the meaning of your bullet points. “googled weather forecasts” should not become “utilized online databases to assemble weekly communications on meteorological variations”
• start thinking about how your responsibilities for each entry relate to a) what skills you want to showcase and b) what the employer wants from you. does the employer want you to demonstrate familiarity with online databases, or does the employer want you to demonstrate familiarity with weather forecasts? your bullet point for “googled the weather” will change depending on the answer to these questions

step 4: 

• look at the big picture
  
• you probably have a metric buttload of bullet points for each entry. now you need to cut that down to what’s relevant. think about which bullets are most impressive, noteworthy, and descriptive of each entry
  
• aim for 3-5 bullet points. any less than that and you have to ask why you’re including that entry. any more than that and the employer’s eyes will glaze over
• try to combine bullet points
• ex. “identify content and write articles when necessary,” “maintain a pool of freelancers,” and “identify key graphics and maintain tagging structure when uploading articles” all involve the process of creating an article, so they can be combined into: “identify content, assign stories to freelancers, write articles when necessary, and upload with appropriate graphics and tags”
• start thinking about tailoring your word choices and bullet points to what the employer is looking for
• if you can, pull up the job posting or a sample resume for the job you’re applying to and compare your resume to it. are you using similar language? are you demonstrating similar skills?
• jobhero.com is a lifesaver
• finally, eliminate redundancy in your resume, both in every individual entry and in the resume as a whole. if a skill can be demonstrated by multiple entries, you only need to list it once
• kill your darlings! it may sound harsh, but the things that seem super impressive to you probably won’t even be a blip on the employer’s radar. “but saying i made coffee runs shows i’m dependable and a team player!” the employer isn’t looking that deep, my dude. you can showcase your dependability in your cover letter or your interview
• you should redo steps 3 and 4 several times, soliciting feedback from your parents, peers, career center, etc each time
  

step 5:

• add the Other Stuff
• education
• typically, you should only include institutions for the highest level of education you’ve attended. (undergrad and grad school both count as college for this purpose)
• there are exceptions to this, depending on how long you’ve spent at a higher level of education, whether your alma mater will earn you brownie points, whether you had genuinely impressive accomplishments earlier in your life, etc.
• once you hit, like, 2 years in college, you should try to get rid of high school achievements and showcase college achievements instead
• list the school name, city + state, degree type (BA/MA/etc) and expected graduation date (even if it’s in the future), your major(s) + minor(s), and any related coursework (ie preprofessional tracks, specific courses related to the job). you can list your gpa if you feel it’s relevant, but i caution against doing this once you’ve graduated
• ex. (where // indicates a new line) harvard university, boston, ma, may 2020 // bachelor of arts in cognitive neuroscience // minor: english: focus in creative writing // related coursework: pre-medicine, computer science 101 and 102 // gpa: 3.9/4.0 (dean’s list, all semesters)
• skills
• a list of items without descriptions. you can do a bulleted list or you can list the entries in paragraph form, separated by commas or bold bullets
• hard skills: hardware, software, languages (spoken and programming), digital and communication platforms, social media proficiencies, other technologies and devices
• ex. microsoft office suite, java, wordpress, slack, familiarity with ap and chicago style
• soft skills: general qualities, buzzwords, personality traits
• ex. leadership, conflict resolution, time management
• certifications and awards
• can be one section or two depending on how many of each you have
• list each one on a separate bullet point
• for each, write the certification or award, the institution that granted it, and the month and/or year you received it if relevant
• publications
• tbh i just cite my publications in the following format instead of following a style guide
• lastname, firstname. “article or chapter title.” book title, publisher (aka company or website). publication date.
  
• if you’re the sole author, you don’t need to list the author’s name

interlude: stretch the truth a bit. don’t lie about having experience or skills you don’t, but if you can reasonably google how to do something, boom! you’re proficient in it. if you worked with two team members who never pulled their weight? you just became the sole project lead. were you a beta reader for anime fanfiction back in the day? you’re a freelance editor, baby!

step 6:

• now you have to organize all the entries from step 4
  
• separate your entries into relevant sections. what’s relevant might change based on what you’re applying for
• i’ve had, at various points in my life, some subset of the following sections: work experience, volunteer experience, leadership experience, research experience, writing experience, other relevant experience
• list sections in order of descending importance
• write all entries in reverse chronological order: start with the most recent and work your way backwards
• write all bullet points in order of descending importance. unfortunately, i don’t have any quick tips on determining what’s important, but it helps to look at the job posting and see what matters to the employer
• i tend to list big picture goals, then personal accomplishments (leadership skills, projects), then daily tasks

step 7:

• format this shit
• you can find resume templates online or in your word processor. templates serve as a good starting point, but i recommend creating your own format so you can edit and customize it with ease. this will probably involve a lot of fiddling with indentations, paragraph spacing, and moving things around
• don’t go smaller than 10pt font
• mess around with line and paragraph spacing to get the right balance of white space. if you’re curious about what i use, shoot me an ask and i’ll share my weirdly specific settings
• keep an eye out for bullet points with orphan words (ie lines containing only 1-3 words) and get rid of them to streamline your resume
  
• margins can be anywhere between 0.5″ and 1″
• consistency is key! make sure each entry has the same kind of spacing. don’t use hyphens in one entry and en dashes in another
  
• in the header, write your name, email, phone number, and address

interlude: save this version of your resume as your master resume. this gives you an unedited list of everything you ever did that you can now pick and choose from when you apply to jobs. update this list every 3-6 months.

step 8:

• customize your resume for the job application
  
• unless you’ve been in the industry for several years, your job-specific resume should be no more than 1 page
• if you have more than 1 page: compare the job listing and your resume side by side and ask which entries demonstrate your capabilities most effectively, which bullet points are the punchiest, and if there’s any extraneous info
• match each job requirement to one bullet point on your resume. then match each bullet point on your resume to a requirement in the listing. get rid of any bullet points that don’t meet either of those criteria. if multiple bullet points match the same job requirement, get rid of the extra bullet points
• if you have significantly less than 1 page: see if you can add more bullet points or reformat your resume to introduce some more white space. a 2-column set-up is great for this, with section headers on the left and bullets on the right. do you have any hobbies you’re forgetting about? any soft skills you could add?
• emulate the language of the job posting; use the same action words, the same soft skills

coda

• your resume should work in tandem with your cover letter, but that’s a topic for another post. maybe in another 6 months i’ll write a post on that, too
• always save your resume as a pdf! you don’t want your employer to have access to your metadata
• if you made it through this whole post… i’m so sorry lmao but also thanks for sticking with me
• let me know if you found this helpful or if this method scored you a job!
  

biblioprincessdalian:

Applying for jobs is a hell designed specifically to torment autistic people. Here is a well-paying task which you know in your heart and soul if they just gave you a desk and left you alone and allowed you to do it you would sit there and be more focused and enthusiastic and excellent at it than anyone else in the building. However, before they allow you to perform the task, you must pass through 3-4 opaque social crucibles where you must wear uncomfortable clothes and make eye contact while everyone expects you to lie, but not too much (no one is ever clear exactly how much lying is expected, “over” honesty is however penalized). You are being judged almost entirely on how well you understand these very specific and unclear rules that no one has explained. None of this has anything to do with your ability to perform the desired task.