#joelles life
We watched the second episode of Obi Wan Kenobi last night, which was great, then decided to follow it up with the premiere of Stranger Things, which let me TELL YOU WAS A BIG OL’ FUCKING MISTAKE.
The ending scene had me hyperventilating and on the verge of an anxiety attack and the only thing that calmed me down was Michael hugging me, three mgs of xanax, and an episode of Bridgerton.
DO NOT RECOMMEND. FUCK THAT SHOW.
The best part of the night is I got to reconnect with @monckey64 who’s one of my oldest friends from tumblr and we chatted for quite a bit. So, you know, that was nice.
Still regret watching Stranger Things though. Don’t think I can stomach the rest of the season. Oh well.
You guys, I’m sobbing. I don’t know why but it never occurred to me we’d get to see little Leia
Let me be.
Let me have this hard day. Let me wallow in grief. Let me be lazy. Let me be angry. Let me be sad.
Let me be.
Let me mourn the brother I lost.
Let me mourn the life I could have had, had trauma, survivor’s guilt, and the physical embodiment of pain triggered by both not derailed it completely.
Let me mourn the mother I should be for my girls, if not for the debilitating illnesses of both mind and body.
Let me mourn the twenty years plus I spent believing it was my fault, shouldering the blame, for yelling words that were probably never heard.
So let me rage.
So let me cry.
So let me drown in this bad day, just as I have, year after year for twenty three years.
And let me be.
Let me be okay, in the knowledge that tomorrow is a new day.
Let me be relieved, that I know things Little Joelle didn’t know, couldn’t know, and that it was not her fault.
Let me hug my girls tightly, SO tightly, as if each time might be the last time.
Let me sob. Let me breathe.
Let me know it’s okay to feel my feelings.
Just let me be.
Today is the twenty third anniversary of Gabe’s accident.
It’s not a good day.
It never is.
Water table fun! Lily is so excited every time we bring it out, she wasn’t big enough to play last summer. Elsa loves it too, as you can see from the video (don’t mind the shakiness, I can’t hold my hands steady to save my life ) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #charlotterose #lilliangabriel #elsaears #summervibes https://www.instagram.com/p/Cd37JTTPGWi/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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Happy birthday, big brother. You should have been thirty five today. There are no words to express how much I miss you (I’ve tried). I love you so much. Happy birthday, Gabe. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #gabrielsorrentino #gabesorrentino #me #happybirthday https://www.instagram.com/p/CdvSyLlL7BH/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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I got prescribed wegovy two weeks ago. After countless calls to the pharmacy, it was finally filled and Michael picked it up for me.
So, it starts today (well, tonight). I wasn’t expecting that much blood at the injection site. Wish me luck, let’s hope this shit works.
Today there was a wind advisory so we went to Starbucks and the pool instead. We ended up at the playground and the beach for about five minutes but the wind had both girls heading for the hills no one has napped and pretty much no one has slept, so I think we’re all a bit ready to head home tomorrow. (Lily was half asleep in the pool; I just rocked her whispering “sleepy baby” and she kept repeating “sleepy, sleepy,” pretty positive she thought she was hallucinating ) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #charlotterose #lilliangabriel #summervibes #laketahoe #secrettom (at South Lake Tahoe, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/Ce45tU1Lijb/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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Lots of lake fun today! We actually all went in together (so no pics of that) but here’s the girls making sand castles ☺️ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #charlotterose #lilliangabriel #summervibes #laketahoe (at South Lake Tahoe, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/Ce2WNcRLc7E/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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Michael just left to take Elsa to my mom’s for a few days (because we’re going up to the lake).
The look in her eyes… she definitely is thinking she’s getting abandoned again and it’s breaking my heart
Poor pup. Hopefully she’ll be super excited to see us on Friday
I gave Lil her first set of pigtails over the weekend and she was SO STINKING CUTE her hair is soo different from Peanut’s, both the texture and the way it grows in, and I’ve been eagerly awaiting the day I could give her little piggies ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #lilliangabriel #summervibes #pigtails https://www.instagram.com/p/CewGxT4pM0R/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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Yahtzee with Buddies out here representing asexuals
We had my in-laws over (all but the ones we don’t care for) for the first time since Christmas for dinner, and of course, guess who got a killer stomachache and spent literally the entire evening upstairs?!
Fuck. Crohn’s.
(And IBS, you can go fuck yourself too.)
Splash pad fun! I knew Lily would absolutely go nuts for it; although she got to sit in it last summer she wasn’t walking yet so she couldn’t stomp and splash. They both had SO much fun and it was a great way to cool down on this nearly hundred degree day! ☀️ (even Elsa got in on the fun ) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #charlotterose #lilliangabriel #summervibes #splashpad #elsaears https://www.instagram.com/p/CeotNLQPB0V/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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I did the blood work to test for Cushing’s disease today, only saw the endocrinologist for the first time yesterday. He looked at me and was just like, okay, Cushing’s, and I was like YES THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I BELIEVE.
It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #charlotterose #lilliangabriel #summervibes #thefutureofthegalaxyisfemale https://www.instagram.com/p/CeWlHJAJtnI/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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When you can only get one out of three to look at the camera… and it’s the dog it was chilly today but that didn’t stop us from hanging out outside! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #charlotterose #lilliangabriel #elsaears #summervibes https://www.instagram.com/p/CeMvYNhPVKh/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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Get yourself a bestie who touches up your hair and helps you feel human again ❤️ I love @2gingersmama! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #me #purplehair https://www.instagram.com/p/CeMr9heviad/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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