#joshua

그녀는 아무것도 모른다. She doesn’t know anything. 

Description: While out to dinner with the Vocal Unit (which includes your crush), an unfortunate fan encounter has you spiraling into anxious thoughts and has Joshua worried beyond worried.
Warnings: Anxious Thoughts
Genre: Angst, Fluff end, idol!Joshua x fem!reader
Word Count: 2.3k

SeventeenMasterlist|Masterlists

“Seriously, Jeonghan, you don’t have to pay.” You argued uselessly as the cashier already had Jeonghan’s card in their hand.

Jeonghan shook his head, “No, last time you paid and you paid for 14 people. This time, we pay.”

“Don’t try to argue when Coups and Hoshi try to pay for your next meals.” Dokyeom piped up as he stood near the doors with the rest of the vocal unit.

You rolled your eyes playfully. You really could care less who paid but you also felt you were a big girl and could pay for your own meals. But of course, with a group of friends as kind and caring as Seventeen, they were going to make sure you didn’t throw your money into the wind when you didn’t have to.

It was really Seungkwan and Vernon’s fault that you got sucked into this group. You had known the two members for sometime before they invited you to dinner with the rest of the members and the rest is history. You’ve had your share of ‘damn, he’s cute’ and 'do I like him like that?’ moments but they all eventually faded away. Except one.

“Excuse us.” A young female voice hesitantly asked as you all start the leave.

Joshua, out of instinct, stepped in front of you and used his body as a shield to protect you from unwanted gazes or worse, camera lenses.

You, not noticing the deeper meaning of the gesture, peaked your head around his torso to see what was happening.

“Can we get a picture with you?” The other female asked, giggling nervously.

Not wanting to disappoint their fans, they agreed and the girls let out hushed shrieks. One handed the cashier her phone before they came to stand with the members. The taller of the girls spotted you behind Joshua and gave you a look up and down before raising her eyebrows slightly, as if to say 'really? You?’

You backed away a couple steps and did your best to stay out of view but somehow you were still spotted by the camera. To which the cashier smiled polite but apologetic.

Understanding the message, you opened the door to step outside and wait for the boys. But you apparently were moving too slow.

The girl who eyed you up and down gave you a little shove which caused you to trip and fall onto the pavement. Your hands burned slightly against the cool concrete and your knees slammed pretty hard into the ground.

“(Y/n)!” Joshua exclaimed and quickly helped you up. His hands wrapped securely around your arm and he made sure you were steady on your feet before letting you go. Even lingered for a few seconds after.

“I’m sorry.” The girl said, “I was trying to make sure you didn’t trip over the door stop.” She smiled but there was something unsettling about the way she smiled. Like it was a mask that hid a sinister reason.

All you could do was stare because you were so sure she was lying through her teeth but you couldn’t say anything about it. The simple notion that she could’ve done it out of malice stunned you into silence.

Dokyeom then said something with a smile that the brought the attention to him and away from you. It made you question whether or not you even saw the mask. If the mask you saw was even real.

“Are you okay?” Joshua asked lowly so only you could hear. He tried his hardest to keep his concern for you from showing too much.

Breaking out of your shock, you turned and caught a glimpse of concern in his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m okay.” You told him while wiping off the dirt from your hands.

Joshua nodded, “Wait here, we’ll be right out.” He said before walking back into the restaurant. He glanced back at you but you had already trained your eyes on the ground and worry began etching its way onto his forehead.

Unconsciously, your feet started to back away from the restaurant as your anxiety built. You saw the mask, the fake smile, you were sure of it. But Dokyeom and the others simply acted as if it wasn’t there. Did you see it wrong? Were you too quick to judge a fan? No, you were certain you saw it. You were certain you saw the glint of malice and how the smile never even reached the girl’s cheeks. You were certain.

Or were you? Maybe that was how she smiled… Maybe that was just how far her smile reached on her face. But then what was the malice you saw? Oh god, did you make that up, too? Had you turned into that terrible of a person?

You were back on the street, outside the restaurant. Hands were still stinging from contact with the ground. Knees still echoed the collision with the concrete. Raising you eyes, you looked inside the brightly lit restaurant but it stood empty. Then the girl from earlier walked through the doors with the same grin on her face. Your heart began to race with the anxious thoughts that had plagued you all night.

Unable to face her, you run down the street, feet pounding against the cold ground. Turning left, you abruptly stopped running as the girl walked towards you, the smile still on her face. Shaking your head, you turned around and ran the other direction. After turning down another corner, you’re faced with a dark alleyway.

But within a couple seconds, the fake smile appeared, floating in the air like a balloon. A scream bubbled in your chest but after all the running you did, you had no air left to release it. So you did the only thing you could do- run away.

Reaching the main street, you ran down the middle of the road but every time you looked behind you, the smile was there, following you.

Then it began to laugh. No, not laugh. Cackle. Snort. It was mocking you. You knew it was. In the pit of your gut, you knew.

With one last loud evil laugh, the smile said, “You’ll never have Josh-”

You shot up in bed with your heart racing like a herd of wildebeests stampeding down a canyon. You let out a few shaky deep breaths but your heart didn’t slow. Neither did your thoughts.

You picked up your phone while running a hand through your hair. 2:07am. You closed your tired eyes and lowered your phone onto the bed. But before you let go, it begins vibrating with a call. Picking it back up, you read the caller ID.

“Joshua?” You squinted at the name in confusion. But with the worry that something might be going wrong on his end, you quickly answered the call.

“Hey, everything okay?” You rushed out, heart beating at twice the speed it was when you jolted awake from your nightmare. Hearing your actual voice made Joshua release the breath he’d been holding since he turned around and you were no where in sight.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Joshua answered, slightly confused but recovered before getting to the reason he actually called. “Are you okay?”

You ran a hand through your hair again, “Y-yeah, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” He asked again, “Cause you ran off earlier and I’ve been trying to call you and you haven’t answered and now I’m kind of worried.” He nervously chewed on the inside of his cheek.

“Why are you worried?” You questioned him out of curiosity and Joshua could hear that.

“Well, I told you to wait outside the restaurant and when I turned around you were gone.” Joshua explained, his heart echoing the panic that ran through him earlier, “And I’m worried cause you’ve never really had a fan encounter like that.”

You raised your head, staring into the darkness of your room. “Like what?” You asked, wondering exactly what he was trying to say.

Joshua pressed his lips together and explained what the members knew but had covered up for public image. “A fan encounter with a more aggressive fan. Seungkwan broke the facade in the car, really. None of us really knew how to address it in the moment but we knew we couldn’t lash out without collecting our thoughts. But we all saw through it.” Joshua exhaled quietly, the heavy weight of guilt sitting in his stomach because he didn’t do anything to protect you from what happened.

You sniffled and a tear rolled down your cheek in relief. You hadn’t imagined any of it. You didn’t judge wrong. You weren’t a terrible person.

But on the other end of the phone, Joshua perceived the sniffle entirely differently. He thought that you’re crying because he, or the members, didn’t say anything in the moment to protect you. Mentally, he started to beat himself up for not sticking up for you and protecting you.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered into the phone.

His apology alerted you to how you must sound from his end.

“No, no. I’m not crying cause you didn’t say anything.” You told him, still sniffling, “I’ve been anxious all day about what happened because I thought I judged that girl wrong and that I was an awful person. I honestly thought I was the only one who thought she was a bitch and that freaked me out. So much so that the anxiety creeped into my dreams. I’m relieved that I wasn’t the only one who saw through her facade.”

“You had a nightmare?” Joshua asked, his ears grabbing ahold of that piece of information. His heart twisted in on itself at the thought that you had woken up from a nightmare caused by this encounter.

“I did…” You trailed off, “It wasn’t scary bad. It just freaked me out a bit.” You added on to deter his worry but it didn’t really help Joshua.

“Are you okay?” He asked again, this time, you could clearly hear the worry laced in his voice.

“I will be.” You told him and wiped your runny nose with your pajama sleeve.

“Do you want me to come over?” Joshua asked and searched around for his jacket so he’d be ready to go in a moment’s notice.

“Won’t you get in trouble if you come over this late?” You countered with words but your heart skipped a beat at the thought of having him come over. Even if it was just for a couple hours. Having him close was always comforting to you and you often wished that he’d stay close all the time. But he wasn’t yours.

Joshua shrugged though you couldn’t see it through the phone. “I don’t really care. I already missed one chance to protect you today so I’m not going to miss the second one.”

Before your sluggish head could formulate an answer, your heart answered for you. “Please come over.”

“I’ll be there in 20 minutes.” Joshua said before hanging up the phone and racing out of the dorm to flag down the nearest taxi.

Somewhere in those 20 minutes, you had rested your head on your bent knees, closed your eyes, and nodded back into sleep. Joshua, already knowing the passcode, let himself in and found you crouched over yourself. Shrugging off his jacket, he made his way over to you and gently wrapped his arms around you, taking a seat on the bed. His heart jumped now that he could actually hug you but it also pained him that you had had a nightmare.

Feeling a pair of warm arms around you, you stirred awake.

“Joshua?” You wondered and looked up at him.

He smiled softly at you and pulled you closer into his chest. “Hey, go back to bed. Get some sleep.”

“But what if I see it again?” You asked, your words slurring together and a small pout formed on your lips.

Joshua scrunched his eyebrows together, “See what again?” He asked.

“That smile. And the laugh that said I would never have you…” You explained, sleepily, and your eyes stayed closed longer with every blink. “Why would she say that? I really like you and I really care about you. So why can’t you be mine?” You wondered, not fully realizing that your heart was now in the driver’s seat.

With a flutter and spark of electricity, Joshua’s heart picked up its pace again. But this time, it wasn’t from worry.

“Who said you would never have me?” He questioned, trying to mask his giddy smile.

“The girl with the fake smile.” You reiterated and your voice lowered in volume as sleep dragged you under again.

“Well, she doesn’t know anything.” Joshua whispered as he felt your breath even out against him.

Laying you back on the bed, he tucked the blankets around you securely and moved some hair out of your face. Even in the dark, he could make out your closed eyes, the bump of your nose, and your lips that were parted ever so slightly.

Joshua yawned and brought in a few blankets and pillows from your ample pile in the living room to make his bed on the floor next to your bed. Having had a few sleepovers with other members at your place in the past, he was used to sleeping on both the floor and the couch in the living room. But after the day’s events, he decided that the floor next to your bed was a better option over the comfort of the couch. Just incase you had another nightmare.

As he tucked himself into the fuzzy material, he hoped the next time he slept over, he’d be next to you in bed and not on the floor or the couch.