#kenobi meta
gffa:
GIFS CANNOT CAPTURE THE SHEER AGONY OF THIS SCENE
The relentless onslaught of memories, both good and bad, all layered over each other, completely unable to separate them out.
Obi-Wan cannot think about Anakin’s disaster flying without also thinking of, “I hate you!”, he cannot think of young Anakin spinning around in the Naboo starship and saving the day by blowing up the Trade Federation ship without thinking of Anakin burning to death on Mustafar.
He cannot think of Qui-Gon without thinking of Anakin, You must train him, he cannot think of Padme without thinking of Anakin, There’s still good in him, he cannot think of Yoda without thinking of Anakin, Only pain you will find, all of just constantly swirling around and around in a hurricane of impossible to manage pain and trauma and horror, and Anakin Anakin Anakin.
I AM INCONSOLABLE ABOUT HOW MUCH OBI-WAN STILL LOVES ANAKIN.
can i also just stress how much i appreciate how obi-wan’s inner core of kindness and light is so perfectly coated in dusty, spiky armor in these episodes. he lets people down, he pushes them away, and he lets them die. he’s lost confidence in himself, and the galaxy around him, and it all makes him sad, but not weepy. it’s grief,endless and boundless, and it makes his hair grey and his posture slumped from the ramrod straight way he used to swagger forward through whatever danger the galaxy threw at him, but not anymore. the past weighs so heavy on him, and the 10-year fire of trauma in his memories still burning so hot, keeping him awake at night, preventing him from communion with the force. he’s clearly so lonely, in conflict with his allies, alienated among crowds, and the vast desert is so empty around him, but he’s never truly alone, either. his memories are a fog he’s living through, and i love this brittle, prickly man who still has so much more kindness left inside
I think what I find the most emotionally devastating is that Obi-Wan isn’t just grieving what happened to the Jedi,to the galaxy,and to Anakin. He grieves death,he grieves failure,he grieves his own regrets and his inability to stop it all. He’s helpless,and lost,unmoored without the Jedi he dedicated his life to.
But oh god he’s still so horrified over Anakin’s fall,but he still grieves Anakin. It’s not just Mustafarandorder 66 in his nightmares,it’s memories of Anakin laughing,of their friendship and mentorship and love. After all this time he still loves him and grieves,not just the end of the Jedi and Anakin’s fall,but he grieves the loss of his best friend,the most important person in his life,his other half even.
He still remembers the good and joy of before, we are shown the intertwining of the light in the nightmares. We see the way he sees the good of Anakin in the children. Obi-Wan sees his love of piloting in Luke,he sees his love of droids in Leia. Anakin has not become an archetype of evil in Obi-Wan’s mind,because the heartache and sorrow and grief is all the worse for the longing of the good memories,of the light in him.
I think that all builds up so beautifully for the climax of Obi-Wan realizing he’s alive. It’s absolute terror and horror and abject misery in his eyes,but it’s unending grief and sorrow and heartache too. There is such a complicated and wretched longing in the way he says Anakin. It’s not just fear,not just defeat,but love and devastation too. Because he loves him still,the man he was,the life they lived,and that makes the betrayal and hate all the worse and more potent,all the more gutting in it’s numb and shell shocked fatalism.
10 years is a long time.
usually that length of time expands as distance psychologically, and gives us space for healing, but obi-wan has not moved on at all—physically he’s abiding in a liminal space on the edge of civilization, bound by a sort of invisible tether to anakin’s child, and psychologically, he’s still dreaming about him, still living in a fog. hearing anakin’s name still makes him flinch like it’s a physical blow.
the fact that after a decade he’s still waking up with nightmares, still living in that same mental space full of unprocessed trauma, like he hasn’t let himself process, despite all his solitude and time for meditation and reflection, he hasn’t allowed himself to let go in all the ways that matter. he is still clinging on to the past, and it makes sense!! to lose your entire world, all your loved ones, betrayed and hunted. i wouldn’t let go easily either.
he’s really and truly not a jedi in the beginning of the show, because he’s not practicing the jedi philosophy at all—he’s not helping others. not letting go. it’s like when he was enslaved on kadavo during the clone wars, and beaten when he tried to help others, until he stopped trying, because he thought it was better, that he couldn’t help without harming. it sapped something vital from him, something that was missing in the show as well, until he made the choice to try.
the show has chosen a beautiful character arc for him, and one that is going to rip my heart into a thousand pieces. he is going to let go of anakin, and release that lingering, itching sense of failed ownership over his future. he is going to give up on anakin, and by doing so, he is going to gain resolve, purpose, and hope. he will find his way back to the force, hear the voice of qui-gon, and build a home, instead of lingering on the fringe of civilization like some kind of ghost.
it took 10 years for him to release his guilt and shame, and we get to watch him be freed from that chrysalis, bless and thank.
‘Obi-Wan is going to give up on Anakin.’
I think the only “bring on the pain” aspect going forward in the show that I’m not looking forward to out of a genuine place of I think it will hurt too much is that we’re going to have to watch the transition of Obi-Wan probably still trying to save Anakin or at least hope he can get through to him to he must be killed there is no light in him.
The climax of RotS is so fast and sudden and it could be easy to see Anakin’s spiral as insanity brought on by the miasma of the dark side and desperation and the manipulations of Sidious. Obi-Wan fought Anakin and thought he killed him because he could not be stopped in that moment and out of self defense. He was a rabid dog needing put down. But over a longer period of time,I can see Obi-Wan thinking Anakin could eventually be reached inside his soul.
But of course we know both bookended story points for Obi-Wan,and we know he comes to see Vader as without hope or redemption. And Jesus Christ but what are we going to have to witness him do that finally kills that hope in Obi-Wan? He’s already massacred thousands and committed every atrocity in the galaxy,and yet given an atom of remorse or light and Obi-Wan forgive anything in the galaxy Kenobi would have accepted it. So what horrible,bleak wretchedness are we going to watch that is the step over the line past redemption for Obi-Wan?
The only way I’ll accept the pain is if it’s Obi-Wan deciding the only way to save Anakin is to kill him. Because these two have never been normal about each other. Let Obi-Wan be just a bit unhinged about Anakin.
I probably won’t get that. But a girl can dream.
Hopes and prayers we get them unhinged and obsessive and not normal about each other,as a treat. I will 100% accept Obi-Wan feral and off his rocker making the self loathing and bleak decision that to save his best friend he must kill him
again.Oh but the decision to kill him out a place of love after everything and all this time. How perfectly Obi-Wan that would be,to love with mercy despite it all.
