a non-exhaustive exploration of beauty standards in relation to myself as a nonbinary person
living alone since august in the middle of a pandemic has forced me to confront myself in some of the most painful ways i can think of. and i’m realizing that my perspective on beauty has shifted a lot. and i’m not talking about like western beauty standards are a scam (though it’s important to note that they absolutely are!) and designed to make you feel worse about yourself. i’m talking about radical self acceptance. and i know this isn’t a new conclusion, but it’s a new experience for me, and i wanted to briefly share my perspective on it as a nonbinary person!
as someone who’s never felt comfortable existing within the labels that were assigned to me, i was never able to be “beautiful.” when i was called pretty or thought for a moment that i fit within the confines of what i deemed to be pretty, it still felt like something i couldn’t achieve. something that i was pretending to be or trying to convince myself that i was. i could go on for days about overly critical self-perception, but i’m not going to because i’d rather just let it exist so that i can build off it. what i do want to talk about is binary-gendered beauty and self worth as an external force that influences internal perception.
I’m a cisgender woman who is overweight for her age/height and this message is so important. My whole life I’ve been ‘othered’ because of my size and because I don’t fit into the American beauty standards, but it got to a point that I simply tried to not care anymore. It’s hard to not care what people think about you, and I’ve spent a lot of my life equating my self worth to my appearance. But I realized that mindset was unhealthy and every day I work more towards improving it. I think every person struggles with the idea of not fitting into the American standard of beauty at some point in their lives no matter their height/weight/gender identity etc, and it’s important that day by day step by step we all learn that our worth is not defined by how we look or how we present ourselves
This comment on the post sums up my feelings well:
Perhaps someday, there will be a retroactive sorrow for how doctors and healthcare workers were intentionally driven to quit their jobs during the pandemic by ignorant fools and intentional maniacs.
- when you get someone’s pronouns right, don’t pat yourself on the back.
- when you get them wrong, don’t give a list of excuses. just say sorry, correct yourself, and move on! trust me, handling it this way is better for everyone.
- if someone gets your family member/friend’s pronouns wrong, only correct them if it’s a safe environment.
- people get frustrated when they are constantly misgendered. don’t blame trans people for being upset about this, especially if you’re the one who misgendered them.
- correcting people when they misgender you can be tiring. just because someone doesn’t correct you, doesn’t mean you’re right or that they don’t mind.
- people introduce their pronouns in different ways. sometimes it’s direct, like saying your name and pronouns. other times it’s through conversation, implying, or correcting. if you aren’t sure, ask when possible!
- nobody cares if the person was being mean to you. that doesn’t mean you can misgender them. use peoples pronouns.
THESE ARE SO IMPORTANT
When you are corrected, don’t take it as an attack. It is a reminder, the person is helping you and leading you in the right direction gently. Be thankful and move on.
It was a normal day and I was bored. My back hurt, my feet hurt, basically every body part hurt but I couldn’t leave, obviously, I needed the money.
This relatively unassuming man comes in, in a suit, the kind I see every single day. He opened with “you’re gorgeous,” I smiled and asked what I could do for him. He ignored that and told me he’d always loved Black women and if I wanted to hang out off the clock. Again, I smiled and asked what I could do for him.
He leaned in, and put his hand on my arm. “Do you have a boyfriend?” I asked him why it mattered, he asked why I was being so mean. I told him “I’m just trying to work, dear, what can I do for you?” He said “you can go out with me.” I smiled and shook my head, wondering why he wouldn’t just tell me what he wanted and go. There was no one around and I knew if I said something to anyone, they wouldn’t do anything, anyway.
I finally got him what he wanted and he left, but not before letting me know he’d be back tomorrow. And he did come back. Every day for weeks. And every time, he made me feel uncomfortable, touching me when I said don’t, or otherwise looking at me in the most disgusting way. As I predicted, no one I told would do anything. No one cared. This guy was harassing me every single day and I had no recourse. In fact, some told me I should be grateful, since he was a good tipper.
Anyway, that’s why I quit working at Starbucks.
The point of this post is to illustrate that women get harassed in every industry, not just sex work, by baiting you with what you think is a story about a client mistreating me, when really it was a customer at a coffee shop. This is super good writing here, I’m just saying.
This is why I don’t believe guys who tell me that the condom is too small.
When I was in middle school, we had a woman come teach us about contraception, and literally the first thing she told us was ‘Ladies, if a guy ever tells you he can’t wear condoms because they’re too small, he’s lying’ and then proceeded to open a condom and stretch it up her forearm up to her elbow.
My health teacher did the same thing, but she put the entire contents of a 2-liter bottle of soda into a condom and said, “So girls, if a boy ever says that he’s too big for condoms, you run. You run so far.”
This is one post we often see and really dislike. The message seems to be that no penis is too big for any condom and that the statement “my penis is too big for this condom” is never a valid one. And this is not true.
As you you can see in the first pictures and read in the quoted posts above, a condom can be stretched out to fit a foot, a forearm and 2 liter of soda.This does not mean that this is safe or comfortable.
Condoms that are too small for you can partly cut off blood circulation and are prone to break. While carefully putting it on a foot or hand doesn’t necessarily tear it (but can - like it did in the second/third pictures), rubbing it against skin (which is what happens during sex) can easily do that.
Condoms are not “one size fits all”. It’s important to find condoms fitting you. Check out this site http://www.condom-sizes.org/condom-size-chart/condom-size-chart and look at “MY.SIZE” condoms http://www.mysize-condoms.com/. They promote finding the right size and offer “try out” packages which include condoms in three different sizes with which you can find your optimal choice (since MY.SIZE condoms are rather expensive, I suggest searching for cheaper brands as soon as you know your size).
There seem to be men that would tell lies about non fitting condoms to get unprotected sex. This is - obviously - a very immature behaviour. Nevertheless, this is a relevant claim.
Please stay safe and spread the word, this is so important!
hey so protip if you have abusive parents and need to get around the house as quietly as possible, stay close to furniture and other heavy stuff because the floor is settled there and it’s less likely to creak
socks are quieter than bare feet on tile/wood and for the love of god don’t wear slippers/shoes if you can help it
climbing ON the furniture will disrupt the pattern of your footsteps and make it harder to hear where you are in the house
crawling will do the same and if you get caught crawling you can pretend you fell
the floor near the wall can be really loud if the floorboards/carpet is old and not completely flush to the wall
do NOT attempt to use a rolling chair to travel without footsteps. they are extremely loud and hard to steer
test around ur house to see what places make more noises than others when people are gone if you can
-stepping using the outside line of your foot as first contact minimizes the sound of ur step significantly,
-tippy toes are a thing for a reason, but putting all ur weight on one spot tends to get loud quickly. Using the above method in conjunction with keeping the majority of ur weight on the balls of ur feet (vs just ur toes) can make u silent on all but the creakiest of floors.
-test ur socks before hand. Some slide or make more noise than others, and falling could be catastrophic.
-wear close fitting, soft cotton clothing. Denim and silk like clothes will make noise whatever you do, and limiting excess folds limits the sounds they make
-note where the shadows fall naturally at night, and all the small places you can hide on short notice. Ambient light is inevitable in urban areas, and keeping still in a small dark space will decrease the risk of being seen. Remember, the eyes is attracted to motion. Stay still, and with appropriate camouflage (i.e. couch arm rest covers, throw pillows, blankets) their eyes will pass right over you
-use ambient sounds to cover any sounds you might make. The sounds of the fan, air conditioner, heater, or radiator will go a long way to cover any flubs
-if you need to escape more permanently, prep squeaky doors before hand by unlocking and opening them to the point the don’t squeak or with a can of wd40, and double check that no doors are latched before you try to escape. These sounds, more than anything else, will wake people up.
-make your escape path beforehand, and stash what you need to take as close to ur exit as possible. This way, you’ll make less sound and not be red handed if u end up being caught
I used a lot of these to get food from the kitchen when my mom rehoused to let me eat. This is so important. Share this, it could be the difference between whether someone eats today
Flashlights on your phone can be great. If your abuser isn’t around you and the kitchen is away from there, you can shine a light to make sure you aren’t stepping on an animal or something that will make noise at night.
If you really need to escape, plan from every room. For example- If my mom starts doing bad shit to me I have a plan to climb out one of my windows that faces the side of the house and scootch along the side of the house to the one roof ish area and from there I will lower myself down.
Don’t risk jumping out windows. This almost never ends good.
Learn which windows have screens. Learn how to take the screens off.
If you really need a place to hide, hide in a big old pile of stuffed animals all the way at the bottom. I have done this in the past while playing hide and seek, and multiple times my siblings only walked past as they called for me.
establish a common word with your friends, not text wise because your abuser may read your messages, so if you text them like “ Hey, did you see that rainbow today while you walked home?” So they know to call the police, or you can set it up where it’s an alert that you’re on your way to their house.
If you’re afraid of an attack in your room, keep a blunt object near your bed. May it be something not to obvious like a waterbottle full of water or maybe you have a dining table leg like my parents have downstairs next to the door. Just remember any weapon you can use against them, they can use against you.
•Regarding apartment settings and apartment complexes and other tips if running away from abusers•
•Walls tend to be extremely thin and sounds will pass easily through them so be careful if you are passing by them.•
•If your parents/guardians start abusing you in the hallways, parking lots, near the entrance of your apartment, be LOUD. Sound echoes in areas like that because of how close the structures are and someone will alert to police or come to assist you.•
•Ground floor victims, see if you have a basement. Chances are, if you go down, there will be a small escape on a wall which leads to a small sewer-like tunnel leading to level ground. This is typically used for fires but you can use it if you need to escape. Make sure to watch out for squeaky windows because these exits rarely get used.•
•Locate your “safe areas” once you’re out. Safe areas are public places where you are guaranteed to have care. Many single moms leave their unwanted/unable to care children in places because officials must take them. Safe places are police stations and fire houses. CHURCHES ARE NOT SAFE AREAS. They may seem like a cozy area but they are not safe areas.•
•If you are in an emergency situation where you need to cause panic to escape inside your home, see if you can locate sprinklers inside your home. Sprinklers will spray water if they detect smoke and high temperatures so if you can trigger them, they’ll start spraying water, giving you a perfect chance to escape through the chaos.•
•If you are planning on running away, prepare a crap ton of water if you plan to be moving by foot. You can last a month living on nothing but water but once you run out of water, you will not survive a week.•
•Be wary if you plan to run away to relatives. If you suddenly disappear, your abusers may suspect a kidnapping and the first place police check are relatives.•
•Scissors are a great weapon if you can’t fight. Scissors are pretty useless weapons, but the human mind sees the blades and recognizes as a sharp and dangerous object, even if it can’t cut anything. It might get your abuser to stop and listen to what you say if you’re wielding scissors. And they’re not suspicious objects to be carrying around at home or outside, if put inside a pencil case.•
•DO NOT EVER DROP ANY HINTS OR NOTES IF YOU ARE RUNNING AWAY.•
•Put your phone on airplane mode once you are out and moving. People can easily track your phone down if your wi-fi and other uses are on. It’s much difficult to locate you and your phone if airplane mode is on.•
•If you are trapped in a building and your abusers have hidden food from you, use nature. Do you have ants in your house? Follow them. Mice? Listen to where they seem to frolic the most at night. Cockroaches and fruit flies? Likewise.•
•Use nature as well to find out times and such if you are stranded once you have run away. Certain birds mean certain times. Dandelions are useful as fuck. The flowers shrivel up when sunlight starts to disappear so you have an idea of when night fall is.•
•When nightfall hits, find WARM GROUND. You are much more likely to catch hypothermia and such from sleeping on cold ground than cold air.•
•If you play an instrument regularly inside an apartment complex, it might play to your advantage. If neighbors realize that they can’t hear you practice for several days- or weeks- on end, they might become suspicious and report it. Especially if they have been suspecting abuse beforehand.•
•I typically don’t post things like this, but this can save a life.•
Amid the challenging prophecies of persecution for His followers comes Jesus’ promise of the witness of the Paraclete, The [Holy Spirit Himself, Who] is to be the backbone or mainstay of the [nascent] Christian movement as [either] the substitute for, or [altered] Presence of, the physical Jesus. [Initially] the help provided by this ‘Advocate’ concerned the truth of the [internalized] message: the Paraclete would make clear to the disciples the implications and the fullness of the message of Christ. Now, [this depth being grasped,] the Paraclete faces outwards in bearing witness to that truth.
‘Paraclete’ is obviously a sort of work-name for the Spirit. In the Book of Judges, the spirit of God – not yet understood as a separate Person – comes suddenly upon God’s chosen agent (Gideon, Samson, Saul), giving power to lead Israel to confront enemies and conquer them. Here, however, [coming upon those chosen by the Son,] the Spirit bears witness by giving the strength to confront opposition and speak out boldly, as we see the apostles doing in the Book of Acts. [The Holy Spirit remains willing and able to bestow this strength upon all Christians facing spiritual warfare, both within and without,] but we still retain free will, and no strength will come from the Paraclete unless our own spirit is moved to stand firm. In the daily calls to bear witness by putting ourselves out [onto the front lines], by risking loss of ease, credit, or comfort, let alone actual pain, [injury, or even death], our own resolution is needed too.
My brain’s been internally rambling about the ‘my heart belongs to someone else’ line so I’m just gonna throw this one out into the void. When I first heard the line I kinda just read it as Vex choosing Percy over Saundor, which is true but I’ve realised that’s too simplistic. Cause she honestly doesn’t believe that Percy loves her back. (The entirety of The Elephant in the Room really emphasises that, and both of their inabilities to act until they know about the other’s feelings really says a lot about their trauma parallels.)
So ‘my heart belongs to someone else’ isn’t her choosing Percy because she knows that doing so will lead to marriage and babies and them building a life, recovering together. In that moment she chooses to believe that her feelings have value, even if they’re not reciprocated. And if her feeling have value that means she does as well. It means that someone like Saundor can’t deserve her heart while Percy can, even if he doesn’t want it, because at least he’ll treat it kindly. It’s one of them seeing through her walls and systematically breaking her down by dragging up all her deepest insecurities vs the other seeing through her walls and finding the exact words and actions needed to comfort her when she really needed it. From the outside it seems like an obvious choice, but it really seems like Vex has spent so long believing that she doesn’t have value, that her feelings don’t matter.
I think that’s why she kept checking to see if it was the right decision. Throughout the battle she’s clearly stressed, asking the others if she should have just agreed, worried she’s proving him right by dragging her friends to destruction. She sleeps next to the bow for nights thinking over everything he said. She pays for another reading from the fortune teller because she needs some sort of sign. Saundor’s words deeply affected her and I think the difficulty in not agreeing to his deal was in refusing to accept the version of her he was presenting.
One of the biggest insights into her mind frame is after she’s worked through some of this trauma, when she has the conversation with Percy in Draconia. Vex has issues with holding grudges, particularly against herself and she’s finally accepted that she deserves forgiveness for her flaws- that she is allowed to be kind to herself, that she needs to be if she wants to do better. In choosing to say ‘my heart belongs to someone else’ Vex chose to start accepting that she deserves more than an archfey so toxic he literally corrupts the world around him. She starts accepting that she’s allowed to want someone who will tell her ‘I’ve known a lot of people with money and they are definitely not worth you’, that she’s allowed to have clasped hands and the sun rising over a mountain range even if she’s not the version of herself she wants to be yet.
40% of male CSA survivors reported a female ab*ser
Large scale federal agencies reveal that women are often s*xual perpetrators
The CDC and BJS found that both men and women were equally subjected to r*pe
Most of the men reported a female r*pist
A researcher found that boys face higher rates of s*xual ab*se by adults than girl
In another study, 13,000 minors were surveyed. 3 quarters of boys reported being s*xually ass*uted by kids their age. In half of these cases,the abuser was a woman.
Sources: INSPQ, When Men Are S*xually Ass*lted by Women by Wendy L Patrick(she mentions study by The CDC and BJS and by the federal agencies), S*xual Violence Against Boys is Far More Common Than we Think by Emma Brown (mentions a study by Robert Blum), Scientific American: S*xual Victimization by Women is More Common Than Previously Known by Lara Semple and Ilan H Meyer.
The BBC has today announced Ncuti Gatwa is the new Doctor set to take charge of the TARDIS.
Star of stage and screen, Ncuti is best known for his critically acclaimed performance in S*x Education as the iconic Eric Effiong, for which he was awarded Best Actor Award at the Scottish BAFTA’s in 2020 as well as numerous nominations including Best Male Performance in a comedy programme at this year’s BAFTA’s.
Speaking of his new role, Ncuti said: “There aren’t quite the words to describe how I’m feeling. A mix of deeply honoured, beyond excited and of course a little bit scared. This role and show means so much to so many around the world, including myself, and each one of my incredibly talented predecessors has handled that unique responsibility and privilege with the utmost care. I will endeavour my upmost to do the same. Russell T Davies is almost as iconic as the Doctor himself and being able to work with him is a dream come true. His writing is dynamic, exciting, incredibly intelligent and fizzing with danger. An actor’s metaphorical playground. The entire team have been so welcoming and truly give their hearts to the show. And so as much as it’s daunting, I’m aware I’m joining a really supportive family. Unlike the Doctor, I may only have one heart but I am giving it all to this show.”
Russell T Davies, Showrunner adds: “The future is here and it’s Ncuti! Sometimes talent walks through the door and it’s so bright and bold and brilliant, I just stand back in awe and thank my lucky stars. Ncuti dazzled us, seized hold of the Doctor and owned those TARDIS keys in seconds. It’s an honour to work with him, and a hoot, I can’t wait to get started. I’m sure you’re dying to know more, but we’re rationing ourselves for now, with the wonderful Jodie’s epic finale yet to come. But I promise you, 2023 will be spectacular!”
if you woke up late, your morning didn’t go well, something unexpected happened at the beginning of the day and you are now sad and worried your day will be wasted, don’t worry. take a deep breath and start with where you left off. you can always start at any point of the day. you can start getting your life together at 5PM in case you were too tired and sleeping all day long. please don’t give a bad 20 minutes or so of an incident the power to dictate the rest of the day. you dictate the energy you want. start wherever you want. rest when you need to. you got this ♡
I think what I find the most emotionally devastating is that Obi-Wan isn’t just grieving what happened to the Jedi,to the galaxy,and to Anakin. He grieves death,he grieves failure,he grieves his own regrets and his inability to stop it all. He’s helpless,and lost,unmoored without the Jedi he dedicated his life to.
But oh god he’s still so horrified over Anakin’s fall,but he still grieves Anakin. It’s not just Mustafarandorder 66 in his nightmares,it’s memories of Anakin laughing,of their friendship and mentorship and love. After all this time he still loves him and grieves,not just the end of the Jedi and Anakin’s fall,but he grieves the loss of his best friend,the most important person in his life,his other half even.
He still remembers the good and joy of before, we are shown the intertwining of the light in the nightmares. We see the way he sees the good of Anakin in the children. Obi-Wan sees his love of piloting in Luke,he sees his love of droids in Leia. Anakin has not become an archetype of evil in Obi-Wan’s mind,because the heartache and sorrow and grief is all the worse for the longing of the good memories,of the light in him.
I think that all builds up so beautifully for the climax of Obi-Wan realizing he’s alive. It’s absolute terror and horror and abject misery in his eyes,but it’s unending grief and sorrow and heartache too. There is such a complicated and wretched longing in the way he says Anakin. It’s not just fear,not just defeat,but love and devastation too. Because he loves him still,the man he was,the life they lived,and that makes the betrayal and hate all the worse and more potent,all the more gutting in it’s numb and shell shocked fatalism.
Ok, quick rule of thumb to tagging posts for the safety of photosensitive epileptics.
Does you post contain flashing lights, heavy glitching, or anything else that is likely to cause a seizure from looking at it?
Tag it with flashing lights
Does your post warn about one of the above in a movie or video or tv show or game without including visual examples that would make the post fall into the above category?
Tag it with epilepsy
In summary: is it important for us to see it? Tag it with epilepsy. Is it important that we DONT see it? Tag it with flashing lights.
Basically, the epilepsy tag is for information related to epilepsy, the lights/flashing tag(s) are for warning those with epilepsy!
