persona who the hell am i

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Summary: 6 years ago, (Y/N) thought that she was finally taking her life into her hands, leaving behind a toxic and abusive relationship with a man who taught her she’d never be worthy of love. However, it became hard to ignore his words when she met her seven soulmates who rejected her without even giving her a chance to prove herself. It took (Y/N) 3 years to realize that it wouldn’t be her end. She would live on to prove them all wrong; she would become what they all thought she wasn’t: someone worthy of love. And as she stands proudly on the stage, under the burning spotlights, the applause and the cries of the delirious crowd, she feels alive. Alive, just like the bond she had believed to be broken.

Around 4.5k

Pairings: Y/N x OT7

Genre: Soulmate AU!, Idol Y/NAU!, semi social-media AU!, ANGST (mainly), fluff, romance, maybe smut in the series, NSFW.  

Taglist closed!

Warnings: Stong language, mention of death, and near death experience.

NOTE: HELLO IM BACK ! It’s been A WHILE ! LOL I hope everyone has been doing well, sorry for disapearing on you guys! I kinda struggled with the flow of this chapter but it’s here nevertheless ! I hope you’ll enjoy it! Feedback is warmly welcomed as always, here we go with the 17th chapter !!! (already??)

part 16 - here - part 18

Hi little reader,

I hope you’re doing okay. Here, it’s not terrible but it’s not the best either… It’s hard to handle everything at home. Jungkook still refuses to talk with me. It’s been more than a month, I’m starting to think that he’ll never forgive me. I don’t know what to do about him.

Taeyhungie and Namjoonie are never here, both of them are apparently “researching” about bonds and the lasting effects of the medical ones. To be fair, it’s mostly Namjoon’s idea but ever since he started dropping things and losing the strength in his hands, Taehyung has become his assistant, helping him each time his hands give up. Though, Taehyung is not doing much better than him… His memories are sometimes a total fog and it honestly worries everyone… It’s been a little over a month since … Yongsun left and Namjoon’s hands haven’t gotten any stronger, Taeyhung refuses to share how much progress he’s making with his memories… My eyesight is slightly better, I think, but sometimes it feels like I’m back to square one. It’s hard to focus on it when all the boys seem to be struggling anyway. Also… my own progress is painfully slow… it does feel like I see a bit more clearly than I did for the past month but it’s not striking. Colors seem a bit more vivid, I wonder if it’s going to gradually get better or if I’ll get stuck somewhere in the recovery… it is so weird how the six of us have different symptoms and after-effects… it was also different for each of us when the medical bond broke… Joon-hyung felt the pain in his hands as soon as the fake bond broke but it only lasted a short moment, whereas Jungkook was in physical pain for a few days if not more… Typical of him not to tell us how much he’s hurting…

The good news is that Yoongi-hyung has finally moved back in with us. It makes everyone much less worried about him even if he isn’t feeling great, at least he’s out of danger and he’s with us. It’s painful to see him this miserable, but he’s… alive. He’s struggling, but he’s trying. The scars on his arms are hard to look at, and I think no one feels comfortable letting him alone with any available blades. Seokjin always monitors him when he’s in the kitchen by himself and Hobi always takes his showers with him. I’m scared to say that, but his scars truly don’t look great, and sometimes, there are fresh ones in his arms… I wish one of us could find a way to completely stop him; we’ll get here one day, we’ll do everything for him to get better. Hoseok-hyung, especially. He and Yoongi-hyung are in their little world. It feels like their health has started depending on one another. Yoongi-hyung seems to be feeling a bit more alive when Hobi is with him and Hobi seems a bit less in his mind when hyung needs something. Hobi being Hobi, he tries to hide his pain; he doesn’t want to worry us, and I get him. But it’s so frustrating… He tries to make it looks like everything is fine but we all can see how clearly he spaces out because he struggles to remain concentrated for a long time. It’s really stupid. He doesn’t want to admit that he has after-effects from the break of the bond, and yet, everyone knows. It’s so obvious how he pinches his nose in annoyance as he struggles to concentrate. He probably has terrible headaches, but it’s hard to tell since he says nothing about it. He always does this; he runs his hands through his hair, pinch his nose, rubs his palms together, and presses his fingers to his temple. No one addresses the problem, we all let Hoseok lie to himself. It doesn’t seem to be the best solution, but it isn’t as if hyung would listen to us, anyway.

It doesn’t feel normal, it doesn’t feel like we’re okay. We’re merely avoiding the issue, we’re barely breathing, and yet, we’re together. 

Maybe, though, we should truly be concerned about Jin-hyung. It’s been a while since I heard his voice. The first few days after … ugh. 

The first few days, he was yelling all the time. But ever since he came back from the hospital with Hobi, he’s been quieter and quieter. Hoseok-hyung explained to us what happened because Seokjin didn’t say anything at all. He didn’t say a word, merely sitting on the couch, staring outside. He still cooks, he still works out and goes on walks with Joonie-hyung in the evenings, but he's… very quiet. I know that the meeting with Yongsun’s parents must have been hard to swallow. Honestly, I still can’t believe the audacity of those people, but I can’t help but think something else is up. It seems that he has trouble hearing himself talk or hearing us talk… I can’t help but think that we should ask him because if he truly can’t hear anymore, we need to find new ways to communicate. I know everyone is avoiding the topic, but we can’t leave him like that. Namjoon-hyung said he probably needs time, yet, as much as I agree, I feel like we should do more. But it’s hard because we don’t really talk anymore… I miss him. 

Do you think we’ll ever get better? Is it wishful thinking to hope for better days? 

Hi Little Reader, 

Remember when I told you Jin-hyung had gone quiet ? Well, today he said he couldn’t take it anymore and that he needed answers. I tried to ask him what he meant and he said, I quote “I’m gonna find Yongsun and ask her why the hell she did that to us”. Jungkook left the room as soon as he heard Yongsun’s name and I can’t blame him… I don’t understand Jin-hyung. He was first yelling, then he went quiet, and suddenly his conclusion is that he needs to see Yongsun? 

I don’t get him. I really don’t. 

Taehyung did comment that at least he was speaking again, but I don’t know if we shouldn’t talk him out of it. I have a bad feeling about this. But none of us seem to be able to address the problem … God I hate this. It can only bring bad news…

Hi Little Reader, 

Jungkook asked me if I wanted tea. He didn’t say more; he did two cups for the both of us, he sat next to me but didn’t talk more than that. It’s progress but it felt so awkward that I didn’t know what to do. I tried to ask him if he started feeling the bond again, yet, he didn’t reply. I think it means that he still doesn’t feel it, it’s obvious that it bothers him a lot but he tries not to complain too much (probably because he thinks that he can't… Jungkook has never been one to share his feelings easily, and each time he looks at Yoongi-hyung, he looks like he might start crying… I hope he doesn’t think that because Yoongi has it worse, he can’t complain about his situation…)

I also noticed that the scar on his cheek hasn’t really healed… Hoseok-hyung said that Jungkook seems to struggle to look at himself in the mirror… I wonder if it’s because he thinks of everything that happened when he sees his scar. Maybe he thinks again about the ‘fight’ he had with Namjoon…

I still hear Taehyung crying at night. I want to comfort him but he refuses to open his door, he keeps it locked. Namjoon-hyung says that his memory is slowly coming back and it gives him nightmares. Somehow, I wish he would have totally forgotten. It would have been less painful than to hear his cries as he wakes up. But until now, he was eaten by guilt without fully understanding, only because he could see us and the damages done every single day, yet he couldn’t remember everything that happened despite knowing that he was the starting point of it all. Maybe it was better for him not to fully remember Yongsun’s abuse… after all, who knows how far it went between her and Tae? He was always with her, and to be honest, no one knows what Tae heard, saw, nor lived through. He hides everything so well, I wouldn’t be surprised to know that she actually was the most horrible one with him. Taehyung is the kind of person to take everything in silently, to protect everyone. I fear that this is what happened… it would explain his screams during the night, but I wish he would just talk to us. We need to understand but he strongly refuses. He’s stuck in his head…

It’s hard to see him suffering this way; it’s hard to know that some of his memories are so dreadful… but Namjoon-hyung said that Tae feels relieved to remember. Maybe one day he’ll open up to me. I hope he will. I want to help so bad.

Another selfish thought before I stop this entry here … Do you think our (Y/N), the real one, is somewhere in our world? I know this has become the name that everyone is avoiding but … I can’t help but think… How different from Yongsun would she be? Is she her total opposite? Someone soft, who would never lay a hand on us? Could we ever trust her? Maybe she’d be our precious person by now had we met her instead of Yongsun… maybe we wouldn’t be broken as we are now…  Or maybe the whole concept of soulmates is messed up and only meant to hurt … What if it was only a cruel joke to make us hope? After all… What kind of proof do we have that all of this is true? It has been running in my head for a few days already, but what if all those bond skeptics were right in the end? What if all of this was a lie?

What did we do that was so wrong?

(Y/N) took a few shaky breaths, closing the diary again. Jimin’s tone was still soft, but his doubts about the soulmate system still left a sour aftertaste, especially now that she knew that it had been the trigger of his rejection. Sighing softly, she gulped nervously, trying to process Jimin’s words but also trying to ignore the growing efforts she had to make to breathe correctly the longer Jungkook was gone.

Looking around her apartment, (Y/N) took her cup of tea and drank slowly, as if to help the lump in her throat, but to no avail. Jungkook still seemed to be out with the others. 

Good. She’d rather not see him right now, even if her lungs seemed to protest at the idea of him being gone any longer. She didn’t feel ready to see him, not to see anyone for that matter. She hated this oppressive feeling, almost like her heartbeat was too loud, her body too heavy, and her mind too crowded. She needed to get herself out of this mood.

Scrolling down on her phone, she replied to the few messages Raya sent and mindlessly went on Twitter. A smile gently crept on her lips as she read some messages her fans left. Maybe she should do a live soon. She would probably need Jungkook to be in the apartment for her body to feel a bit lighter, but she missed interacting with her fans. They always had been a constant source of happiness for her, perhaps she needed that little push to ground herself a little bit. Go back to her everyday life a bit more rather than to wallow in her room. It wouldn’t help the tension in her body, but it would alleviate the turmoil she mentally felt. Typing quickly, she left a little message for her fans, hoping that it would brighten someone’s day, even if it just brought a little smile to someone’s face, it would be enough. She started music for this reason, after all.

She wanted to give back the love she received. Stopping in her movements, she took a picture before tweeting it and adding it to her post. She smiled while putting her phone down and switching to her laptop. Watching meaningless videos would probably empty her mind, right? Taking a deep breath, she reflected for a second.  

Maybe it was finally time for her to wonder; how did their bond work? How did it come that each of them had different aftereffects with the medical bond? A lot seemed to be confusing to (Y/N), and as much as she had once been enthusiastic and tried to learn about the bonds as much as she had been able to, her interest had quickly declined with the rejection she had had to face and the consequences it left her to deal with. (Y/N) had ignored the bond all those years, refusing to even think about it or get medical attention for it, at least, not more than needed. It had been hard to be worried about a bond as a whole when her own body was struggling to survive. Then her mind also gave up and it just became a constant fight for life. She had had better things to do than to wonder about the way her bond worked with her other “mates” as much as she hated the word. 

However now, curiosity strangely peaked again. Not so much because of the boys as people, but because what she was reading made no sense. How did it come that their bond was so particular? She had never read anything similar to their case in any class that ever mentioned the concepts of bonds, and it wasn’t because she didn’t get a lot of those. (Y/N) could still roll her eyes at the only thought of it; soulmates class had once been her favorite. She snorted just at the thought. It had annoyingly long hours of torture. At that time, (Y/N) had believed that those classes would one day come in handy. But the more she grew up, the more she realized how naive that thought had been, especially in her case.

Yet, in almost 10 years, research had probably advanced, right? Maybe some articles or thesis would mention a similar case. Even if the similarities weren’t numerous, there had to be something, anything, that could be a clue to explain it all… Peaking at her notifications on Twitter one last time, she breathed out, trying to focus on her screen rather than to focus on her aching body. Maybe thinking about the concept of soulmates would make the pain slightly more bearable, or so she hoped as she started diving into articles dealing with medical bonds and their effects.

It had been a while since they had met all together, the seven of them hadn’t grown distant; it was impossible in such a short span of time, but the physical distance had clearly been bothering them. It had always been their moment of comfort; as long as they were together, everything would somehow fall into place. Their bond was truly a wonder. It was something so deeply carved into their skin that no one—outside it—would ever fully grasp the extent of the influence it had on their behavior and on who they were as people.

However, for the first time, Seokjin felt itchy.

Something was definitely not right, it decidedly wasn’t comfortable. The seven of them were together, the distance wasn’t something any of them were thinking about and yet… and yet Seokjin never quite felt so ill at ease. After all, as hypocritical as it could sound, one of them was indeed missing. It was clearer than it had ever been to him.

Seokjin berated himself for even thinking such a thing. (Y/N) didn’t want to be one of them; she clearly said so, and she had every reason to. They had no right to think of her as one of them after what they did to her. He would never have the pretension of thinking that she had to suddenly welcome them with open arms after they rejected her all these years ago. She made it clear that she didn’t want to have anything to do with them; she was staying with Jungkook out of necessity and not because she actually wanted to. He knew it and he accepted it. But it didn’t mean that it couldn’t hurt. Seokjin hated feeling that way, he didn’t feel like it was his place to feel hurt. His own feelings did not feel valid to him. He knew he logically couldn’t prevent himself from feeling. However, those feelings were unjustified in his own eyes. Who could dare to be hurt from their soulmate’s rejection when you rejected them already? 

The air between the seven of them had always been tense after they had rejected (Y/N). Words that were left unspoken, behavior that became weirder with time, eyes escaping when questions were asked. Seokjin had always had many things he wanted to ask; like why hadn’t Jungkook said anything about not wanting to reject her in the end? Maybe it would have changed many things in their future. Not that Seokjin blamed Jungkook, far from it, but maybe if he had spoken up about this, some of them would have also spoken against abandoning her. Seokjin was pretty sure that both Yoongi and Hoseok had been against it as well. Yoongi had just been too exhausted to start such a heavy discussion, too tired to fight and to try again to speak himself against them, and Hoseok hadn’t wanted to disturb the tentative peace that they had started creating after Yongsun’s departure. The storm was still not over in his eyes, a dark fog was still looming over their heads.

Also, why did Jimin refuse to tell them what had happened between the two of them for him to suddenly think they were wrong and that they needed to consider having (Y/N) in their soulgroup? Jimin had spiraled after Yongsun, suddenly rethinking everything he had once believed about soulmates. It had been painful to see. As his soulmates, hearing Jimin constantly say that the concept of soulmates was only a disaster, a trick made by governments to manipulate their people, had crushed a part of his soul. Jimin’s connection had almost felt weak at one point. Jungkook had kept on feeling scared about this, saying that the more skeptical Jimin was, the less he could feel his bond, even if the younger had already been struggling to feel it at that time. The bond was still here and it would never break this easily, but Jimin’s mind had been somewhere else while he had been telling his own soulmates that he didn’t believe in what they had anymore. He still loved them, dearly, but his own claims and beliefs were hurting their bond.

To be fair, however, he didn’t say it blatantly, but it hadn’t been hard for his soulmates to understand the innuendos. So what happened between him and (Y/N) for him to drastically go back on his words and suddenly start believing that what they had should be treasured? No one complained about the change (actually, that’s a lie, but Seokjin welcomed this change warmly), but no one understood where it came from. What could have (Y/N) told him to finally bring him out of those swirling thoughts that had made him spiral for such a long time? Seokjin wouldn’t forget, couldn’t forget. One day, he would ask. Maybe if he ever got allowed to, he would ask (Y/N) directly and maybe even thank her, because god, that had been such a relief for Seokjin to finally stop listening to Jimin spiraling over soulmates.

Seokjin had many, oh so many things to ask his soulmates, why did Yoongi keep on playing this audio of Hoseok crying that night? Why did the both of them stop speaking for a few days before they never left each other’s hip? Why did Jungkook keep on crying right after he woke up for almost a whole month? How did it come that Yoongi and Hoseok always went on walks for hours when Yoongi had trouble walking for more than a few minutes? Seokjin even followed them once, but they only walked for a few minutes before stopping because Yoongi was out of breath, before picking up, and stopping again. 

For 5 hours. 

Seokjin might not be as invested as Namjoon to understand the complexity of the bond’s system, but he was not dumb either. He had known something had been up and it hadn’t been that hard to understand what. His soulmates weren’t that good at hiding things after the Yongsun’s disaster.

Seokjin had a lot of questions left, but he also had a lot that had already been answered, such as why Namjoon and Taehyung had been so firm with their rejection of (Y/N). Why Jungkook’s bond and (Y/N)’s one had connected. Why Yongsun had done what she did. Why Raya was so angry at them while looking guilty each time she told them to leave (Y/N) alone. 

Seokjin should be angry, really. Angry at how ridiculously bad their communication had become, angry at Namjoon and Taehyung for not explaining what they found out, angry at Raya for her audacity, angry at Yongsun’s desperation that almost cost their lives,  and yet he didn’t have the energy. It was tiring to always do his best to listen to everyone while he almost couldn’t hear anymore. 

Regardless, that afternoon, even if they all tried their best to ignore the tension between them all and the itch they all felt because of (Y/N)’s absence; they all felt it. It was obvious.

Jungkook tried to remain blissfully unaware, Seokjin could see behind his smile that he could feel their bond straining in very different directions and he felt sorry for the youngest one, but it wasn’t like he could help it. The bonds were trying to find their last link. Namjoon did warn them about that possibility. He said that since the six of them were tied to Jungkook, the extension of Jungkook’s bond would obviously pique their own bond’s interest and it would try to connect to the last missing piece of their soul group naturally.

It might happen, but for some reason, Seokjin believed that it would be the worst kind of scenario.

It would throw their free will away and force (Y/N) into a situation that she (more than just probably) would prefer to avoid, and Seokjin couldn’t blame her. He’d do the same had he been in her shoes. Or maybe not, he’d try to seek answers, once again reaching to the very people who hurt him badly just like he did with Yongsun. He honestly couldn’t tell what he would have done in her shoes, it would be hypocritical to try to imagine what she went through. It wouldn’t be something he could understand without more information.

“So… are we going to ignore what we’re all thinking about or…” surprisingly enough, it was Hoseok who finally spoke out. If Seokjin had believed someone would say something, it would have been Jungkook with the way he behaved those days, not Hoseok.

“Let’s not-”

“No, let’s be honest for once. We’ve run away from this for too long, and look where we are now. It has to change, it cannot go on like this, Joon-ah.” Namjoon remained silent, head dropping slightly at Hoseok’s trembling words.

“What is there left to say, though?” Taehyung ’s voice was hopeless, and Seokjin found himself sighing. 

“What about, everything? Maybe it’s also time for you to speak up. We all know you’ve been looking for solutions for us, for information about our bond. You probably found a bunch of information and you aren’t sharing these with us. How do you expect (Y/N) to miraculously trust us when we can’t put this trust into you even between us?” A sharp intake of a breath was the only thing Seokjin didn’t pick up on but clearly read on Taehyung’s shaking lips. 

“You don’t trust us?” Taehyung whispered, almost afraid to hear the answer. 

“Look, I trust you with my life, but I’m starting to wonder if I should.”

“Hey. Let’s calm down, will you? You’re being too loud.” Seokjin finally breathed out as everyone got quiet again after Yoongi’s request. It wasn’t as if the older man never spoke out anymore, but once he did, the six of them usually listened to him. 

“I know I’ve been evasive, I haven’t told you the truth on many points when I should have, I know and I’m sorry. I will explain everything to you guys as well, I promise, but I want to give this to (Y/N) first. She’s likely to contact me soon and I don’t want to fuck this up. I don’t want her to feel left out, if needed I’ll ask her if she would be comfortable with all of us being here while Taehyung and I explain this-" 

"Taehyung knows?”

“Of course, I do. How could I not when I basically wrote everything down for him since he couldn’t even handle holding a pen?”

“Joon, you never told us the damages on your hands were that important-" 

"It doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is all of this, us, (Y/N), and what we’re going to become. Let’s not expect for her to forgive us after she gets an explanation because it probably won’t happen. Don’t get your hopes up, I beg you.” He wished he could give them hope, but it was clear for everyone that Namjoon did not believe that his explanation would be enough.

Seokjin snorted, what kind of explanation could ever be enough anyway? He could only hope that (Y/N) would understand at least. They did this to protect her even if it was hard to believe it. They put her in extreme danger. That was true. Maybe it hadn’t been the best solution.

But what would have happened if they had accepted her at that moment? Seokjin knew all too well the answer, and he sighed softly at the thought of it.

Namjoon and Taehyung did their best. They tried to protect her from the lasting effects of the medical bond that fucked their natural one. Seokjin knew that better than anyone else.

But who could know if they never told anyone the truth?

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Uploaded : 19/03/2022

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Time Heals Teaser - Update on 19.03.22 (yes I am at work, so I’m kind of dropping this like that lol)

It had been a while since they had met all together, the seven of them hadn’t grown distant; it was impossible in such a short span of time, but the physical distance was clearly bothering them. It had always been their moment of comfort; as long as they were together, everything would somehow fall into place. Their bond was truly a wonder. It was something so deeply carved into their skin that no one–outside it–would ever fully grasp the extent of its influence it had on their behavior and on who they were as people.

However, for the first time, Seokjin felt itchy.

Something was definitely not right, it definitely wasn’t comfortable. The seven of them were together, the distance wasn’t something any of them were thinking about and yet… and yet Seokjin never quite felt so ill at ease. After all, as hypocritical as it could sound, one of them was indeed missing.

Seokjin berated himself for even thinking such a thing. (Y/N) didn’t want to be one of them ; she clearly said so, and she had every reason to. They had no right to think of her as one of them after what they did to her. He would never have the pretension of thinking that she had to suddenly welcome them with open arms after they rejected her all these years ago. She made it clear that she didn’t want to have anything to do with them; she was staying with Jungkook out of necessity and not because she actually wanted to. He knew it and he accepted it. But it didn’t mean that it couldn’t hurt. Seokjin hated feeling that way, he didn’t feel like it was his place to feel hurt. His own feelings did not feel valid to him. He knew he logically couldn’t prevent himself from feeling. However, those feelings were unjustified in his own eyes. Who could dare to be hurt from their soulmate’s rejection when you rejected them already ? 

Dionysus makes you wanna just:

You don’t fuck with Kim Namjoon. I don’t make the rules sorry.

WE HAVE TO DO THIS

Even their commercials are like this.

Proud dads taking their son Jimin to camping with their expensive car, looking like snacks.

w o w what a coincidence I wanna be a mom

Always keep Namjooning

moodboard for todays ep

bangtanshizzle:

*Yoongi tweeting*

Wednesday Afternoon Thoughts….

Why do so many members of BTS have such nice legs???? Is it the dancing? Do they just focus on legs when they work out?

My personal favorite is RM

That is all.

Introducing my 8 year old niece to BTS and after a few music videos on YouTube a few things she has said

1. They dance so fast and they’re so good

2. Jimin always has crazy hair

3. RM is the only face I can remember right now

4. I think Jimin should be the leader because he always has cool hair and he’s a really good dancer

Ok so please forgive my ignorance but I’ve been wondering something lately. I started listening to kpop in 2019 but I’m not a “Stan” of any groups really, my favorite is BTS but I don’t own any merch just listen to them and groups like GOT7, Day6 and NCT (still discovering new ones so any suggestions would be great) anyway…. I understand that Korean culture is way more conservative than I’m used to in the U.S. but one thing that I’m super confused by is the whole “showing skin” thing. Now, I want to be clear, I don’t care if idols (male or female) want to show a lot or a little or nothing at all, I want them to be comfortable but what’s confusing me is the reaction I see with them showing anything I guess.

What’s I’ve noticed with Girl Groups, and please correct me if I’m wrong I don’t listen to any girl groups regularly, is that they wear more revealing clothing, in my opinion. I see them wearing tight and short clothing all the time and that seems to be the norm for them.

Now with boy groups I’ve noticed that it’s a bigger deal if they show their abs or chest but this seems to be especially true when it comes to BTS. I remember when “kick it” by NCT 127 came out and no one seemed to be super shocked that some of the members chests were all out, not to say that no one commented on it but it wasn’t a huge thing that they did it. And I’ve noticed that especially with concert footage some groups, like GOT7, will have members wearing tank tops that show off their tattoos and ribs and sides of their chests and it’s perfectly fine no one makes it a big deal.

Then you have a group like BTS, who are the same age and maybe even older than other groups and it becomes a huge thing when and if they decide to show any part of their body that isn’t normally on display. When the “ON” music video premiered I remember people losing their minds because you could see some of the member’s nipples when they danced, or Suga wearing that yellow sweater that showed the tank top he had underneath and again the fandom going crazy over it. And I’ve seen other boy groups wearing performance outfits that show off their bodies but I’ve noticed that when BTS does it it’s seen as a big thing. I just wonder why that is I guess, is it because they debuted kind of young so it’s hard for them to break that image or is it just personal taste, where they don’t want to wear more revealing outfits.

Again this isn’t me trying to be rude and maybe there is an answer to this already that I haven’t seen. I honestly don’t care what idols wear, I like their music. This is just something I was thinking about today because the “Permission to Dance” MV came out today and I saw a lot of people freaking out because you could see a little bit of Jin’s chest in it and it got me thinking.

So I would consider myself a rap line stan with my ult bias being Yoongi and I would have considered my main bias wrecker being Namjoon……. Now….. that being said…. Idk if it’s something in the water or the planets or I was just blind or idk what is going on but lately ( the passed few weeks) Hobi… Mr. J-Hope…. Just wow honestly something about him recently has been really calling out to me, like he’s so handsome and so talented and just seems like such a nice person just ❤️❤️❤️

Make You Know Love

Previous|Next

Summary & Masterlist

A03

Pairings: ot7 x female

Warnings: spicy

____________

“Call me friend but keep me closer” — Billie Eilish

Anastasia stumbled over herself the next morning, the 2 hours of sleep, thanks to the boys, taking its toll. The hour was 6 in the morning and she had a class in an hour that she couldn’t afford to miss. Luckily, she’d woken up to an empty bed, no snoring Jungkook beside her. As much as she’d love to wake up to him, she knew it would only break her heart harder in the long run if she gave in to the fantasy.

When she’d walked out of her room to head to the bathroom, Jimin was spread out on her couch, phone in hand.

“You’re still up?” She croaked, afraid to look at herself in the mirror.

He hummed in confirmation, not looking up. Furrowing her brow, a thought occurred. How did none of them get jet lag? Unless delayed onset jet lag was a thing.

“Seokjin-hyung, Namjoon-hyung, Yoongi-hyung, and Hoseok-hyung all had schedules before coming to see me, so they’ve been here for like 3 weeks already,” Jungkook explained later, when they met up on campus for lunch, “Taehyungie-hyung wasjet-lagged and Jiminie-hyung always has a fucked sleep schedule”

She nodded, eyes following a group of people walking by.

“And Taz…” She turned back to Jungkook, who looked nervous as he fiddled with his lip ring.

“Hey, what’s up?” She leaned forward to let him know she was listening.

“The landlady was pretty adamant about you leaving,” He explained.

She nodded in understanding, “I figured”

“But! Hobi-hyung talked her down from pressing for repair money,” He looked more excited about this news. Anastasia was too, of course, but something was bothering her.

“Is she dumb?” She laughed, pulling back.

“Hobi-hyung is just veryconvincing,” Jungkook snickered with a wink.

Her eyes widened comically, “He slept with her?!”

Jungkook’s locks swished as he shook his head, “No, but he probably flirted enough that she thought he would”

Anastasia rolled her eyes, “He knows he didn’t have to do that, right?”

Jungkook’s smile fell as he stared intently at her, “And you know that if you’re special to me, you’re special to him, right? Whatever I’d do for you, they would too”

She pulled back, stunned, “Kook, I get that you guys have a unique bond, but that doesn’t mean you all feel the same things”

It was his turn to roll his eyes, “When you care about someone that much, when you lovethem, when you’d do anything for them…the people they love, you love”

“What are you talking about? Jungkook that’s… no,” She shook her head. “That’s not how it works”

He scowled, crossing his arms, “So you’re telling me you didn’t make the effort to get along because they were important to me?”

She paused. He had a point… Still, what he was talking about was beyond anything she’d ever thought about doing.

“You’re dumb,” she huffed, giving in. A genuine smile brightened his face and she reminded herself not to stare like a lovestruck fool.

“Oh, also,” He moved seats so he was closer and grabbed both of her hands. “Move in with me”

A startled laugh left her lips, “What?”

“Yeah,” He scooted closer so her legs were fully trapped between his. “You have to move anyway and I don’t want to be where you’re not, so it makes sense?”

“I can’t live in the building anymore, Kook” she pointed out obviously, forgoing mentioning all the other reasons why living together was a bad idea. Although it wasn’t completely unfathomable (they basically lived together already), there was something so intimate about officiallysharing a space. It was crossing lines they’d blurred for years and she wasn’t sure if she was ready to break her heart like that.

“Well, I was thinking we’d look at someplace new,” He blushed, playing with her hands. It never took much from him to make her cave, and she did just that. “Okay, let’s do that when we get home”

He beamed. “Great! Okay, I have to go, my class started like 15 minutes ago,” he informed, kissing her on the cheek before jogging off.

The two weeks following passed slowly,  ritually. Anastasia got up, got ready, went to classes, did some homework, and then came home to search for a new place and pack.

She hadn’t interacted much with Yoongi beyond the occasional passing sly touch and she was pleased to find that there was no awkwardness between them. He more or less kept to himself, though, and she was much too concerned with finding a place to live to seek him out.

Hoseok and Seokjin had come over every day to help pack everything up and occasionally, Taehyung would show up too, although she’d quickly understood that he had no particular interest in actually helping. He played DJ and went throughher stuff, but didn’t do any work. She was thankful nonetheless.

“Where was this?” Taehyung asked from where he sat in her closet.

Anastasia finished placing the books she was holding in a box before walking over to see what he was talking about.

“Taehyung!” She gasped, “I justfinished packing that!”

There he was, sat in front of the box filled with all her photos. Well, it usedto be filled with photos, nowthey were scattered on the floor around him.

“His hair was so long…” He mumbled, brushing a finger delicately across the photo in his hand. The longing in his voice made her curious, which photo was he looking at?

Stepping over a few boxes to get to him, she peered over his shoulder.

Her expression immediately softened, “That was a few years ago, Christmas break. We visited my family’s farm, he really liked the animals,” she laughed at the memory behind the photo of Jungkook holding a lamb.

Noticing Taehyung’s frown, she thoughtlessly combed her hand through his hair.

“I’ll take you to meet the animals too if you want,” She offered, snapping her hand back when he leaned into the touch. She hadn’t meant to be so affectionate, it just came so easy with the pouty man.

He tilted his head back to look up at her with a smile but she was too lost in my thoughts to notice. She also didn’t notice when Taehyung grabbed another photo and grinned knowingly. It wasn’t until he started softly rapping “Baby Got Back” that she realized which photo he was holding.

“Okay! And that’s the end of that,” she quipped, snatching the photo from his hands. “Clean this all up, I’m going to go check on Seokjin and Hoseok”

“Neh~” He hummed grin never faltering, much to her embarrassment. And so with her face burning bright, she stalked off.

Expecting to find them in the kitchen, where she’d last seen them, she was confused when Hoseok was nowhere to be found. The box he’d been filling with appliances sat neatly on the counter, labeled and taped shut, the tape roller placed next to it. His keys and sunglasses, that he’d left on the table were gone along, with his shoes.

Why had he left without saying anything? She felt like an absolute idiot for being offended, it wasn’t like he was obligatedto report his whereabouts to her.

“What’s wrong?” Seokjin murmured in her ear, scaring her so bad she tripped over her own feet. He caught her easily, pulling her to his chest. “Hobi just went to get food, no need to make such a sad face”

“I wasn’t sad,” She denied petulantly, her back pressed to his front.

“No? Bummer, I wanted to make you feel better,” He sighed and she could feel his hot breath against her neck. And then he was suddenly pulling away, leaving her feeling cold and flushed at the same time. “Maybe next time,” he winked.

***

Jungkook hadn’t stopped pushing for them to move in together, which had initially made her heart beat fast, but then he’d implied that his entire entourage would be following as well and she didn’t know what to think. She couldn’t live with seven men. She couldn’t.

Throughout, all seven of the men kept approaching her with places to move to, which would have been great if they weren’t all in Korea.

“For the last time, I can’tjust get up and move to another country! Would you let it go, already?!” She expressed exasperatedly, dragging her hands down her face. She’d just come over to relax as most of her furniture was covered with boxes, but so far, things had been everything but relaxing.

“Whynot?You’ve exhausted all your resources, there are no other places here that you can afford! You have to move away anyway!” Jungkook hissed, losing his patience. The two had been arguing for the past 15 minutes.

Her jaw clenched with an audible noise as she took a deep breath, “Cause I don’t wantto!”

“Why.Not?!” He fumed, clenching his fists. He looked genuinely angry, something she couldn’t recall him ever directing at her (aside from one time, years ago, that she was caught snooping through his phone).

Letting out a shaky breath, she tried to convince herself not to do something rash like kick the glass coffee table or chuck his PS4 controller at the wall. “I do not speak Korean, how am I supposed to go to school there? I don’t know the culture, or what’s socially accepted! I don’t want to relearn how to live, Jungkook!”

An angry growl left his lips, “Then just stay inside! You have us, you don’t need anything else”

“Jungkook!” How could he say that? “Why are you so dead set on me moving to Korea? Did you really hate living here with me that much?!” It was a somewhat baseless accusation, but it’d been weighing her down.

“Why would I be trying so damn hard to convince you to come with me if I hated living with you? Don’t put words in my mouth,” He growled and she felt like a bucket of ice water had just been dumped over her head.

“Comewithyou?” She repeated, “You’re leaving?”

He rolled his eyes, “Of course, I’m leaving. My life is in Korea, there’s nothing for me here. I only stayed this long because of you and now you won’t even…” He cut himself off.

“Of course, I’m leaving”, His words echoed in her head, but what did she expect? Him to choose her over them?

“Do you know how that feels? Knowing I gave up so much time to stay beside you and now you won’t even considerme? Even though you have to transfer anyway, and your reason? You don’t want to .” He gripped at his hair. “And if you won’t move, what the hell am I supposed to do?!”

“It’s not —it’s not about you, I—”

“Itshouldbe about me. I shouldbe your priority. A little discomfort is all it takes for you to ditch me, huh? So every time you said you wanted to stay with me forever, that we’d grow old together, what you really meant was we could be together as long as it’s convenient for you”

“You like it here, you enjoyed being here,” she tried to rationalize, ignoring the guilt churning in her belly.

“I liked you,” he clarified. “Why would I like being away from my family?”

She shook her head, “Let’s talk about this later.” Seokjin and Yoongi had just walked in and she took the opportunity to escape. Jungkook didn’t try to stop her.

Pulling out her phone, she decided to call Beatrice for a shoulder to lean on.

“Hello?” She answered.

“Hey Bee, you got a moment?” Anastasia asked as she stepped into her living room.

Beatrice hesitated, “Actually, can I call you back in a bit? I’m right in the middle of something”

Anastasia agreed easily, ending the call. What now?

“Taz?” Hoseok’s voice met her ear moments before his head popped out from the hallway, his eyes meeting hers.

“Hoseok? What are you doing here?” She’d thought he’d left hours ago.

A mischievous smirk crept onto his lips, “Oh, nothing” he singsonged, disappearing back down the hall. She followed immediately, not trusting him, and walked into her room just in time to see him disappear into her closet.

On her bed lounged a comfortable Jimin, staring beguilingly at her. All thoughts stuttered to a stop for a moment.

“I was thinking,” Hoseok began, returning from her closet with something behind his back, “that we deserve to celebrate”

“Celebrate?”

He nodded innocently with closed eyes, “Our hard work. And look!” He pulled out what he’d been hiding. It was a calf-length fitted velvet dress, one she’d only worn once to her cousin’s wedding. The color was a deep purple and it had thin straps with a low back. “I found the perfect dress for you”

“That’s—” she laughed, taking it from his outstretched hand and holding it up to herself, “I don’t think I’ll even fit into this anymore. Besides, I’m not exactly in a spot financially where I should be out celebrating”

“I’ll pay, now go try it on,” Jimin shooed, rolling off the bed and pushing her from the room.

“Ah—wait—but!”

An hour later, she was out of the shower and successfully zipped into the dress. Although she was not at all in the mood to go out, she felt she owed Hoseok for all his help. If what he wanted as repayment was a fun night out with her and Jimin, she would do it.

Uncapping her lipgloss, her thoughts drifted back to Jungkook. Finding out that for all the years he stayed by her side, he’d wanted to be somewhere else, hurt. Why hadn’t he just been honest from the start?

He didn’t want to give you up. She knew it was the truth but that just made everything so much harder! Jungkook was always intense and overbearing, he liked to be in control, or at the very least in the loop, when anything had something to do with her. His attention to detail when it came to her was part of what had made it so easy to fall in love with him, but was she ready to move to a different country for him? He would meet someone and get married someday, then where would she be? Still, it was selfish to ask him to stay and suffer the same things that made her not want to go.

Saying goodbye though…that wasn’t something she ever wanted to do. Even the other six had unnoticingly grown on her.

Pulled from her thoughts by the doorbell ringing, she quickly finished applying her lipgloss and went to check.

Behind the door stood Jimin and Hoseok looking like a pair of gods and she felt herself stop functioning for a moment, her brain having trouble processing what she was seeing.

Jimin was in a flowy black satin top with a sinfully deep neckline and a matching scarf tied around his neck. He’d traded in his usual hooped earrings for long, thin, dangly ones and his hair was brushed back on one side, his makeup flawless.

Hoseok was the epitome of fashionable in his oversized blazer with a unique white trim and pearls adorning his neck. Tinted sunglasses, that held no real purpose in the dark night, rested low on his nose and his hair was curled to nicely fit the formal grunge style.

Feeling underdressed around them wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling to her, but at that moment she felt severelyunderdressed. They looked expensive, next to them she felt like river rock compared to diamonds and rubies.

Trying not to show her insecurity, she gave them a smile.

“You look beautiful,” Jimin complimented, his ever-present flirtatious smirk playing on his lips. Hoseok made a loud noise in agreement, making her laugh and suddenly she felt comfortable again. Well, as comfortable as she could while being overwhelmingly attracted to them. Who was she becoming?

“Let me just grab my bag and put on some shoes, hold on,” She said, dashing to her room to grab her things and buckle on some heels she’d dug out of a box.

When she returned, Yoongi and Namjoon had joined, talking in hushed tones to the other two. Noticing her presence, they quieted, sending her bright smiles as Hoseok held out his hand.

“Ready?” He asked, tilting his head.

“Uh, yeah,” She replied, taking his hand. What was that about? Had something happened?

Shaking it off, she let Hoseok and Jimin lead her out the door. It only took her the time it took to get to Hoseok’s rented car to realize she was not going out on some friendly outing, but instead on a date with two of the most beautiful humans on Earth. With the warmth of Jimin’s palm on her waist, seeping through the material of her dress, and Hoseok’s hand in hers, there really was no question. Butterflies erupted in her stomach.

“Where are we going?” She murmured, feeling like the atmosphere required a softer tone.

“It’s a surprise,” Hoseok winked, opening the passenger door for her. She ducked her head to try and hide the blood that was rushing to her face.

Why was she being so shy? She’d spent every day with him for weeks!

Settling into her seat, she let out a small squeak when Jimin bent down to buckle her up. No one else had ever buckled her up before, past the age of like 5, and yet he’d done it twice now. His smell surrounded her, making it hard to focus, his face just a hair’s breadth from hers. Even that close, the man did not have a single flaw.

He was probably in her space longer than necessary, but she couldn’t find it in her to complain, and when he pulled back, he turned his head ever so slightly so his lips brushed lightly over hers. She sucked in a sharp breath.

“Sorry,” he breathed, pulling away entirely.

It felt like intense deja vu, why did they all think it was okay to just do things like that? Mind and heart racing, she tried to make sense of her life. So caught up in her thoughts, she didn’t even notice Hoseok slide into the driver’s seat.

Jimin’s lips against hers brought back when he’d had kissed her in her classroom what felt like months ago. So much had happened between then and now, she’d forgotten all about it. Suddenly, she could recall, with perfect clarity, what kissing him felt like.

Soft music drifted from the speakers as the car pulled out onto the road and she might’ve actually enjoyed the drive and beautiful city lights if it weren’t for the confusion and over-thinking clogging up her brain. Jimin, Jimin, Jimin. Jimin…andHoseok. Did this mean they bothliked her? There was no doubt in her mind that she was on a date with them, but… how?How were they okay going on a date with the same person? Where did they see this leading? Did they think she would sleep with them?

Eventually, the car rolled to a stop in front of a beautiful restaurant by the coast. She had never eaten there before, only occasionally driven past, but it was exactly the kind of place Hoseok and Jimin seemed to thrive in.

Cool air rushed in when Jimin opened his door,

“I’m not sleeping with you,” She blurted before he could step out, gripping her seatbelt tightly, not quite confident enough to look up and meet anyone’s gaze.

There was silence until the rear door clicked shut again.

“You’re not… what?” She raised her head and took in Hoseok’s obvious bewilderment.

“I won’t sleep with you, so if this is all just some strategy to get me in bed with you before you leave for Korea, it won’t work,” She bit her lip hard, trying her darndest to keep her composure. At that moment, she needed to stay strong, despite Hoseok’s heavy gaze making her want to submit.

“And where, may I ask, did you get that idea?” He spoke low, clearly displeased with her accusation.

“J-Jimin…” She trailed off, losing her nerve for a second when she turned and saw the said man staring intently at her from the backseat.

“Jimin can’t help himself,” Hoseok interrupted, stealing back her attention, “He doesn’t mean to flirt, he just is.”

“But he kissed me,” She argued, not about to believe that that was an accident,“and you and Seokjin are helping me with my apartment even though you barely know me”

“Jagiya, I kissed you to make a point, not to come onto you,” Jimin rebuffed, coming forward to lean on the center console.

“What point?”

He frowned, “Jungkook thought we didn’t like you, that we weren’t trying to make you like us”

“…So you kissed me?” He wasn’t making sense.

He shook his head, “No, I kissed you because those girls were insulting Jungkookie’s intelligence. As if Jungkook would associate himself with someone that wasn’t worth our time,” he scoffed.

She wanted to tell him that that wasn’t sufficient reason to kiss someone without their consent, but she held back. She was afraid if she told him, he’d never kiss her again. Why thatmattered most, she didn’t know, but something in her thought; better safe than sorry.

“Jagi, we asked you to dinner because we enjoy your company,” Hoseok assured, interrupting her thoughts.

Studying his expression, she tried to discern whether or not he was being genuine. This was dangerous territory, she shouldn’t be making connections with them. They were Jungkook’s family and there was a chance she wouldn’t see them again when they left.

Despite knowing what she shoulddo (run and never look back) she let them lead her into the restaurant, wondering if she’d make it out of this with her heart in one piece.

As they made their way to the front podium, the hostess didn’t spare her much of a glance, but Anastasia couldn’t find it in her to take offense. She understood, she’d much rather look at Hoseok and Jimin, too.

Straightening her posture, the hostess gave them a warm smile, “Hello! Welcome, do you have a reservation?” She spoke directly to Hoseok, who’d waltzed in like he owned the joint.

“Hoseok Jung.” He announced loud and clear. It was obvious by his brief, dismissive tone that he had about as much interest in her as he had in Beatrice. Anastasia pursed her lips at his behavior, but as it wasn’t a familiar environment to her, so she kept her mouth shut.

The woman through the building and out onto the back deck where fairy lights lent their gentle glow and a live band played a soft, calming melody. Almost every table was filled, but they were spaced far enough apart that the quiet chatter wasn’t a disturbance.

Anastasia felt a rush of excitement, never having eaten by the water like this before. Hoseok was still handling any and all interactions, so she turned to Jimin with wide eyes. He returned her look of awe with a wink before motioning for her to sit in the chair he’d pulled out as Hoseok took a seat across the table.

They’d barely settled in and picked up their menus before a cute, doe-eyed boy appeared beside Jimin, introducing himself.

“Good evening, my name is Miloh, I will be your server tonight. May I start you off with something to drink?”

“Do you have a wine menu?” Jimin smiled politely in that enchanting way of his and Miloh just blinked owlishly at him for a moment. Jimin’s smile faded slowly as his eyebrows raised in question, snapping the poor boy out of his staring.

“Yes, of course, I’ll be right back with that.” Anastasia felt bad as the boy almost tripped over someone’s chair in his haste to retreat.

Neither Jimin nor Hoseok seemed phased, though, turning their attention back to their menus.

“See anything you like?” Jimin asked, looking up at her and nodding to the menu in her hands.

“O-oh. Right.” Jeez, she was no better than Miloh. Tearing her gaze away from him to scan the options, she bit her lip in contemplation. She’d never tried lobster before…

Glancing down at the price, her eyes bugged out. “Jimin, you’re paying, right?”

Both the men erupted in giggles. “Yes, we’re paying”

She smiled charmingly, “In that case, can I try the lobster?”

Jimin’s giggle broke out into a full laugh (that was somehow neither loud nor obnoxious). Hoseok looked thoroughly amused as well, but unlike his usual happy-go-lucky self, he was holding it together.

Her smile turned sheepish, but she was relieved to see that they hadn’t taken any offense at her cheekiness.

The night carried on smoothly after that. Miloh had collected himself and returned the epitome of professionalism, serving them their food and wine with practiced ease. Hoseok kept her attention most of the night, flirting and making her laugh with his effortless charm. Jimin stayed fairly silent, casually leaning back into his chair, sipping wine. He looked at ease.

By the end of the night, they were all tipsy, giggling their way down the beach, Hoseok with an arm over her shoulder, as usual.

“Awe~,” she whined, coming to a stop.

“What’s wrong, Jagi?” He hummed contentedly as he rested his head against hers.

“My shoes! They’ll be — oh!” She cut off, almost losing her balance when she lifted a leg up to take them off. Maybe she was more intoxicated than she realized.

“I’ll do it!” Jimin pranced over from where he’d been toeing the waves. He’d drank more than either Hoseok or her and was teetering on the edge of fucking drunk. Evidence of it showed in the way all his movements swayed.

Dropping into a crouch at her feet, he began unbuckling her shoes, biting his plump lower lip in concentration. She couldn’t help inhaling a sharp breath when he looked up at her with a dark grin after successfully removing the first shoe. When he finished, he tossed both of them carelessly to the side, letting himself tip backward onto the sand — landing like a starfish. She watched with a stupid grin as Hoseok took it as an invitation to jump on top of him and pinch his cheeks.

The two busied themselves rolling around in the sand, roughhousing, as she turned her attention to the waves, feeling the cool sea breeze envelop her. The air had just the perfect amount of chill in it.

A startled shriek left her when she was abruptly — and quite literally — pulledfrom her thoughts and down to the sandy ground. There was a moment of laughter between the two men and she couldn’t help but join in in their contagious sounds of joy.

The three ended up laying there for a while, just staring up at the black, starless sky. Anastasia didn’t know how long the comfortable silence went on before it was broken. It was a treasured moment of peace that felt like forever. Her thoughts hadn’t been that quiet in…she couldn’t remember how long.

“You look lovely in this dress,” Jimin murmured out of nowhere, brushing a strand of hair back behind her ear. She turned to look at him, wondering absently how long he’d been watching her.

Smiling, she returned the compliment, “You look ‘cutie, sexy, lovey’ ,” she teased, repeating what she’d heard him say a couple of times, but the amusement faded when she looked him up and down, “Maybe just ‘sexy, lovely’. ” she amended.

“Jagiya, why do you have to live so far away?” Hoseok suddenly huffed, leaning in to rest his head on her lap. The atmosphere instantly became more somber at his reminder.

“Hey, I’m not the one moving to an entirely different country.” She evaded, sitting up to boop his nose.

He scowled and pushed her hand away, sitting up to face Jimin.

“Jiminie, you’re so lucky, you got to kiss her!” He whined.

“I know.” Jimin sighed, a little too dreamily for her piece of mind.

“I —he—what?” she stuttered. What was happening? She was too drunk for this.

Hoseok cupped her blushing cheeks, staring intently into her eyes. “Can I kiss you, Jagi?”

Anastasia froze, unable to process the request. Her blood rushed in her ears, making it hard to think. Did she just nod her consent?

Eyes fluttering shut, she felt his lips gently land on hers. With his hands still cupping her cheeks, the kiss had to be one of the sweetest kisses she’d ever received.

Anastasia blamed the wine in her veins for her next move.

Surging forward as he began to pull back, she latched her lips onto his in a deeper kiss, stunning him for a moment. It didn’t take long for him to recover, his grip becoming firmer. They made out like that, awkwardly sprawled in the sand until an impatient whine beside them caught her attention.

Springing back from Hoseok, she covered her mouth. Shit. Shit. Shit!What was she doing?!

Jimin just stared seductively, his head tilted to the side almost erotically —like an invitation to mark up his neck.

She quickly shook the thought away. “No, no, no, I didn’t mean to do that.”

“Tasia, wait.” Hoseok rushed when she stood up to walk away.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have kissed you like that.” Shame enveloped her.

She was in love with her best friend, yet she went around kissing the people most important to him? What kind of person did that make her? Did Jungkook know she’d kissed Jimin? What would he think if he knew she’d now kissed Yoongi and Hoseok, too?

He would think she was a horrible, three-timing, bitch.And he wouldn’t be wrong, because allthe kisses were equally amazing and as much as she hated herself for it, she couldn’t bring herself to wish they’d never happened.

They were so different. Jimin was passionate and needy, lighting a fire inside her, Yoongi was cheeky, daring her to challenge him, Hoseok was sweet, but firm, gentlemanly but in charge. When they’d kissed her, it felt like she’d never been kissed before, like anything before them didn’t exist.

Stop thinking about it!

“Anastasia.” Something in Jimin’s voice made her stop, but she resisted turning around to face him. Slowly, he approached her, wrapping his arms around her waist and planting a gentle kiss on her exposed neck.

She didn’t dare react, but her body refused to pull away.

“I liked it.” His smooth, angelic voice murmured in her ear, “I like watching. You looked so good together, I just wanted to watch.” His arms wrapped tighter, a hand trailing up to rest just under her breast. “I wanted to see what you looked like, all flushed and stretched around him. Would you let me watch? Would you let me watch him fuck you dumb? I’d be good, I wouldn’t touch.”

She felt her eyes become lidded, “Ji-Jimin.” her voice trembled and it was all she could do not to moan as his warm hand palmed her chest, contradicting the promise he’d just made.

“Yes, Jagi?” He answered between gentle kisses and suckles on her neck.

“I…” she licked her lips, trying to force a coherent thought that wasn’t just Jimin.

“Jimin.”

They both startled at the commanding tone, Jimin sighing and pulling away. Anastasia instantly missed his touch.

“Next time,” Jimin promised when she turned to face him, his thumb wiping across her bottom lip.

They ended up taking a lift home, as none of them were in any state to drive and she was once again squished in the middle seat, Hoseok’s fingers drumming absentmindedly on her thigh as he stared out the window. But of course, jumping his bones would notbe a good idea. It wouldn’t.

Fuck, she was so pathetic.

When they arrived, she all but shoved Jimin out of the car in her rush to get out and he let out a grunt of surprise at the force with which she blew past him. Her whole body was flushed and she knew if she didn’t get away from them now, she would make a mistake she couldn’t come back from.

“Jagiya,” Hoseok hummed in a way that made her pause, against her better judgment, long enough for him to reach her and pull her into his arms. “We won’t fuck you tonight,” They both ignored Jimin’s noise of complaint, “so let us walk you in, yeah?”

Looking into his warm eyes, she couldn’t deny him. She knew—she knewhe was being manipulative. She didn’t miss his ‘tonight’, implying it wouldhappen another night, she wasn’t so naive to believe they had pure intentions for her, but she was dumb.So, so dumb that she nodded her head and let them lead her up the stairs and into her home.