remembering

I thought of the memories like bruises before

Now they would be better compared to pins and needles

An arm waking up after you’ve slept on it all night

Bringing it down from above your head by muscle memory alone; fingers numb and unfeeling

As if this house could become less of a home

The beams in the walls cracking like brittle bones

Your room gathers dust; the bed springs stiff without nightly weight bringing tension

Nothing changes in here; but everything has changed all the same

Reveries, thick and seeping, molasses through my veins

I step into this room and my breath seems to freeze in my lungs

Put on pause

Is it selfish of me to want you back?

Even with all the pain in your heart,

I long for you beside me.

I know you are safe now,

At peace.

But is it so bad for me to

Wish that you could have found peace here?

With us?

A part of me has been trapped in that casket,

Taken under ground witth your body,

Stolen right out of my chest

In a room full of people,

And they had no idea that the world had

Dropped out from under me.

Is it wrong for me to be bitter about

All the things you’ll never see me do?

To regret all the things

We never got to?

I am glad you’ve found peace,

Truly.

But now I never will.

Is it wrong for me to be anrgy?

Lost Boy

the young die too it’s sad but true.

One minute they’re there then out of the blue

you get that call we all be dreading, saying they’re out of view

and yet you had no clue

now you don’t know what to do

I hear them calling, can’t walk for crawling,

what time’s the coroner due

tears can’t stop falling, breakdown, keep stalling

but there’s no way through

there’s too much for me to chew

you’ve gained your wings and away you flew…

rest easy, Bolo.

© Namzii. 2022

I just had my 23rd birthday, a few days ago, and honestly it was probably one of the worst birthdays I’ve ever had. Only because one of my dogs of 12 years, Lady, decided to die the day before. I’ve had her through my entire teenage years and the first three years of my twenties. Might I just say, losing a dog, really really sucks. (Especially around your birthday)