#sad times
Lost Boy
the young die too it’s sad but true.
One minute they’re there then out of the blue
you get that call we all be dreading, saying they’re out of view
and yet you had no clue
now you don’t know what to do
I hear them calling, can’t walk for crawling,
what time’s the coroner due
tears can’t stop falling, breakdown, keep stalling
but there’s no way through
there’s too much for me to chew
you’ve gained your wings and away you flew…
rest easy, Bolo.
© Namzii. 2022
I don’t understand myself or my feelings. What’s wrong with me? I don’t want to hurt others because of my mistakes.
I can’t live anymore. I deserve better from people but I’m never going to get it, so I accept death.
Why can’t things ever get better? I need to stop giving myself false hope that life gets better.
“Why am I always seeing everyone else’s red flags in their relationships? Why don’t they see it for themselves? Why do I look like the bad guy for calling it out? I wish things were different.”
I’m lonely again with no one to talk to
—1:46 am
“At least now you’re leaving me alone without me even asking. That’s good. I don’t want to talk. I’m in pain and talking to you, normally gets rid of it. You’re a good friend. But you keep pushing me away with all these issues that are hurting our friendship. So now, every time I talk to you, I feel pain. If you’d just stop, the pain would stop. But you don’t care.”
—midday rants
“Please stop hurting me. I’m tired and I’ve been hurt enough.”
So going through Tiktok and someone has posted the Stendan hug after Lynsey died. So I watched it six hundred times. At the beginning Brendan is sorta bent over Lynsey and Ste “scrawny” Steven Hay managed to pull Brendan straight, turn him around and pull him in a hug. The physical strength that Ste must have used to get into the hug just shows that he loved him so much.
BRB off to go cry over Stendan and their lack of happy ending
I don’t know if anyone will see this,,, but I’ve decided to delete this blog. After multiple anons saying I should leave, that I should stop writing because I’m crap at it and that no one cares about my personal posts, I’m just really disheartened with it all right now, I’ve been brushing them off for a couple of months but it’s just not worth the sad times.
Peace out
It’s been lovely to interact with you all
had a breakdown earlier when it stormed (i hate storms) and i thought about all the reasons i hate myself as well as rethought a really big situation in my life and realized im shutting out and detaching myself so i dont get hurt in case things almost inevitably don’t work out so yeah here have this mess
The number of messages I’ve failed to answer across all my devices and media platforms will be weighed against my soul on judgment day, and I will be cast into hell
