Mix 14 & 15 – taking challenges and choosing own path
Hello,
sorry I was meaning to write it back in February but i was preoccupied with real life stuff and I didn’t feel like writing… I am fine though^^ I hope that everybody is healthy and doing well <3
(Since spoilers for mix_16 are out – just wanted to say that I don’t really intend to cover that chapter. Honestly, nothing new of substance was there and I nearly dozed off reading summary xD)
So long overdue – my little digest of mix 14 and 15. I pretty liked both chapters and for me the strongest point is obviously Uenoyama. I feel like I became Uechi stan in Ugetsu’s absence lol xD
I really admire his determination and dedication at pursing what he wants and thinking thoroughly about this whole situation from different angles – considering what is good for him, trying to figure out Mafuyu’s perspective. Despite being disheartened by his refusal of ticket – Ueno is still and worrying about Mafuyu the most and is not blaming him but trying to understand.
Besides, it’s good that he is not pressuring Mafuyu too much – but simply leaving ticket for him to reconsider. Like giving Mafuyu space and waiting for him to take action.
In the end despite all uncertainty he is trying to figure out best way to go for everyone– and being really sincere and passionate about it.
I liked that he decided to pursue his both his dreams&music and Mafuyu. That he is not letting himself down the fact that Mafuyu refused to go to his performance with SYH. Letting go of his guilt for not playing with Given and taking this chance to perform with seriousness and dedication – as well as hoping that his music will speak to Mafuyu.
Then we see effect of his decision in mix 15 – Uenoyama has such different attitude during SYH practice – more determined and sconfident – he finally feels more like member of SYH and he isthinking what’s the best for this group. It is really cool how atmosphere changed when he stated that he wanted to change music section to make Hiiragi stand out – both Hiiragi and Shizu are pretty affected and impressed by that.
Honestly, I wanted such bonding scene like that for a while I like funny Hiiragi-Ueno bickering but is great that finally we got emotional scene between all three of them. I like how Hiiragi is flustered at Uenoyama’s praise and how softly Shizu looks at them. And then Hiiragi wanted Uenoyama to meet their manager, which sounds quite serious. Finally all of them feel like equals, like a team.
Okay so let’s move to some reservations *sigh*
Still, imo there is not enough POV of Mafuyu. He feels too much like side-character in this arc. Frankly when I saw mix 15 teaser I thought “oh finally we will get more of Mafuyu’s side” but then… none :/
We know that he is afraid that situation from past will repeat and feels isolated from others and has doubts about his future. But frankly I am not liking how most of Mafuyu’s POV about his worries and future feels somewhat detached from Uenoyama. It feels unbalanced to me, how on one side we got Uenoyama worrying and thinking about Mafuyu almost all the time, and almost nothing on the latter side.
Even though it is not on purpose, story-wise it just doesn’t feels like Mafuyu is taking Uenoyama into account. Ofc I don’t mean that choosing future must depend from your loved one, just it is a bit weird to me how it is not even remotely considered in relation to that. I also disliked that after Mafuyu refused ticket to SYH concert, there is no indication that he might thought that his refusal could hurt Uenoyama at all. Like not the slightest of considering latter’s perspective, only his own.
Ofc it is not that I am doubting his love for Ritsuka – just imo story would be more smoother if there was something like that he is acknowledging to himself that he put distance between them too or admitting to struggle between wanting to confide and how hard is expressing his feelings to Uenoyama. More fleshing out his internal struggles would be better, just it feels that story is conveying that not enough for me.
Also it is not that i want to slander Mafuyu - I know that situation is hard for him and trauma triggered him – but still as reader it is somehow frustrating to see not him really trying and just avoiding everything. Character development doesn’t have to be linear, but it just feel like regressing too much, especially how last arc he tried to clear misunderstanding with Uenoyama pretty fast when he realized something was wrong. Just it feels too much like repetition that he is learning the same things as in first arc.
Ofc if this will be referenced and will have some payoff in final – I will change my opinion, but still imo I would prefer to have more insight on Mafuyu step by step than cramming it into final chapters.
What’s giving me hope that it will be solved properly – it is scene between Mafuyu and Itaya. I really liked conversation between them - imo Itaya is really great and funny background character and whole scene neatly fitted narrative about uncertainty what to do in the future and choosing what to pursue in life. And also how it was about being brave and going after challenging hard choice.
I hope that it will be Mafuyu’s choice as well – to open about his feelings and fears to Uenoyama and move forward with their relationship.
And go after music as well – after all it is not music’s fault per se that what happened with Yuki. Imo Mafuyu needs to stop seeing music in good/bad thing in his life, as he named it in back in first arc and move beyond that. After all he loved music from very start – humming melodies and so on – but wasn’t acting on that and just had been waiting for Yuki to include him. Imo it would be good if Mafuyu realized that music has potential to be his future – even though there is some heavy emotional baggage and path with challenges ahead.
That he will follow his passion for music actively and don’t let his fears get ahead of him. After all, it is normal to be insecure about future, but still there would be help and reassurance from friends and loved ones if you open about your troubles.
Honestly, I just want Mafuyu to go for SYH performance and realize that new song is basically love letter for him from Ueno and then seeing that his fears about being left alone again are unfounded. And then kissing Ueno after that at backstage xD
So wrapping all up,
Recently out of curiosity I checked whether there is some deeper meaning to silk worms mentioned at chapter cover (Mafuyu compared ticket to them). What was the most interesting was these fragments from dreams interpretation:
To see silkworm in your dream may represent that you will emerge into the daylight, begin to enjoy prosperity, you will be relaxed or overcome the stressful period.
To see that you catch a silk worm in your dream may indicate that you will reach a happy ending by making an effort in an environment which you are excluded and you become alone. You will struggle with strong-minded and you will be appreciated.
Whether it is coincidence or not – I hope it will be outcome of this arc for Mafuyu – that after this period of self-isolation and regression, he will emerge to light and make effort to open to people close to him and choose path for himself.
So that’s all for now^^ As always thanks for reading <3
Maybe the reason that I can’t meet anybody for the past 9 years is because somehow, this stupid heart is still holding on and longing for the old you. I say the old you because he’s the person I knew and loved. The you that you’ve become now is unknown to me. I just can’t let go. Whoever said “Time heals all wounds” is a fucking liar. I’ve been holding on to this feeling for the past 9 years. I’ve met and talked with other guys since then but none came ever close to you. I would always go back to the idea this stupid mind and heart have of you. My soul keeps calling and looking for you.
The more i look back, the more this song becomes more personal for me.
Given, Fuyu no Hanashi
Just like snow that hasn’t completely melted in the shade, I go on living with these feelings inside me.
Hey, please tell me how I’m supposed to close the door on this love.
Your everything has lost its tomorrow and is now wandering through eternity.
Along with me, who was unable to say goodbye or move on.
Just like a spell that still won’t break or a curse, I’m still holding on to some heavy luggage.
Hey, what kind of tomorrow am I supposed to look for in this town?
[A story that took place one winter. A story that took place one evening. No matter where I go, you’re there. You’re always in my head. You’re in everything I see. No matter where I go, I can still see you there, I can still smell your scent. I can’t forgive you. I can’t forgive myself. But I want to. I miss you.]
The cold tears that fall, freeze under the sky. They pretend to be kind, and around the time they fall down my face.
Two people who were always together are torn apart.
That’s all there is to this story.
Even if your everything loses its shape one day, you’ll always be here within me.
As I try to move forward again, even though I couldn’t say goodbye, I’ll keep walking.
