6.4.22

I embarrassed myself today :( it probably wasn’t as bad as I think but still. side note - i have a sty???? my left eye was just swollen the whole time i felt so embarrassed lol. also!! she looked so pretty today it was crazy. she was wearing such a pretty outfit and she just looked so good it added to my nerves.

so today we had a test prep and we were going individually into L’s classroom one by one to do it. we went in, did attendance, then went outside and waited for our name to be called. this alone was an stressful because she didn’t go in alphabetical order so I had no idea when it would be my turn.

while I was waiting i wasn’t nervous. I felt prepared and i was just sort of nervous but it wasn’t notable. I was like 5th and when I heard my name my heart started pumping so hard

i walked in and L said ‘hi paula’ and I said hi and I sat down at her desk. we kinda just started and I stumbled a lot even though i was prepared which frustrated me. at one point I literally said 'sorry I’m so nervous’ and she was like 'oh its okay’ and it didn’t help lol. i kept saying the wrong thing and like forgetting what i had to say and i felt so embarrassed. my heart was pounding the whole time too. I went really fast (5 minutes) but she said it was okay and that I did a good job.

then I left and sat outside for the rest of the period. when the bell rang I gathered my stuff and said bye but I was so nervous I forgot to say 'have a good break’. today is the last lesson I have with L before spring break but I was so nervous I just completely blanked ugh

the last 2 lessons I’ve had with L have both been really dry. the last one had the same format as today, but I didn’t really go into the class at all. I came in for like 10 minutes and spent the rest of class outside. then today I did the same thing. it sucks because I felt really confident about me and L because I had been talking to her more and now we’ve barely spoken much and it is just getting me down