The other day in class L was being more hostile (maybe I’m just sensitive though)

First she came over to check our work that we were doing in pairs and she was like ‘guys you need to do the work together. You cant just have one person do everything then the other isnt learning everything. Do it together please.’ insinuating that I did everything because it was well done but i didnt and it hurt my feelings

Then we were outside and i was mad so i took out my book instead of doinf work. She came to check on us and she was like cmon put the book away no wasting time

Pissing her off was just a tiny bit fun… Idk why i feel like i always have to be so perfext

I walked past L today and she smiled at me and now I can’t stop thinking about it

Imagine washing their hair when theyre not feeling well. Not in a sexual way, just brushing through their hair gently and pouring warm water onto them. Trusting eachother fully.

Having a tc makes going to school so much better. The anticipation of maybe bumping into them in the corridors? The looking for them everywhere you go? The giddiness you feel when they smile at you or are nice to you? They make it all worth it.

7. 5.22

So L was back today!!! She was feeling better but still recovering so her voice was a little sick sounding (super hot btw)

We were doing boring stuff because she couldnt talk much,but she was in a super chatty and nice mood. It was so sweet, she was talking and joking with everyone, reminicing about stuff from before. She even randomly just started joking with me and it wa so nice.

I asked her what she was sick with and she said she got covid :( I am just glad it wasnt too bad, she said it was like the flu.

I love when she is chatty. She is so adorable and kind. She remembers and thinks so sweetly about students of hers from years ago. She’s so kind and sweet.

Sometimes i get so jealous of other students who seem to be so friendly with L without putting in half as much effort that I do. Like i work so hard and put so much effort to be close to her, and some random kid who doesnt even think twice about it gets along better? Are you serious?

Does anyone else always think they see their tc when they actually arent there? Like in public, i always think i see L walking around or sitting somewhere but when i get closer i realize it isnt her. It even happens at school sometimes

I got my grades back for the 3 tests i did for L’s class I got an two A’s and a B+ I’m kinda mad that I got a B+ and not 3 A’s but its whatever. I’m just thinking about it… my L have me an A

L has been sick for two days :( I’m worried about her, she never gets sick or takes days off. I really hope that she’s okay and resting… I miss her

i will teach myself to love you

merely from afar,

because loving you partially

is better than not at all

26.4.22

UGH I had class with L today but we were doing tests so I just sat there and worked on another assignment for our whole period :( I had to go to fricking IT too because my charger was being a pain so I got to talk to her a little bit lol

She looked really pretty today. Sometimes I have to remind myself to stop staring because I’m just so mesmerized by her.

I don’t have much to say about today since class was so uneventful but I think our next class will be nice again.

wearing rose quartz earrings and bringing a little rose quartz in my pocket for my exam with L was a good move…it went well!!! i wasn’t as nervous as i thought i’d be. and she was as awesome and pretty as she always is. i wish i could’ve spent more time with her today though :(

gave L a compliment today and i have an exam with her tmr one on one… feeling very emotional

hello guys its almost the end of spring break i’m excited to see L again

spring break has officially started a whole week without L

tc-angel:

when you say good morning to your tc and she doesnt even look at you

its okay i take it back i saw her just now and she SMILED AT MEEEEE

when you say good morning to your tc and she doesnt even look at you

6.4.22

I embarrassed myself today :( it probably wasn’t as bad as I think but still. side note - i have a sty???? my left eye was just swollen the whole time i felt so embarrassed lol. also!! she looked so pretty today it was crazy. she was wearing such a pretty outfit and she just looked so good it added to my nerves.

so today we had a test prep and we were going individually into L’s classroom one by one to do it. we went in, did attendance, then went outside and waited for our name to be called. this alone was an stressful because she didn’t go in alphabetical order so I had no idea when it would be my turn.

while I was waiting i wasn’t nervous. I felt prepared and i was just sort of nervous but it wasn’t notable. I was like 5th and when I heard my name my heart started pumping so hard

i walked in and L said ‘hi paula’ and I said hi and I sat down at her desk. we kinda just started and I stumbled a lot even though i was prepared which frustrated me. at one point I literally said 'sorry I’m so nervous’ and she was like 'oh its okay’ and it didn’t help lol. i kept saying the wrong thing and like forgetting what i had to say and i felt so embarrassed. my heart was pounding the whole time too. I went really fast (5 minutes) but she said it was okay and that I did a good job.

then I left and sat outside for the rest of the period. when the bell rang I gathered my stuff and said bye but I was so nervous I forgot to say 'have a good break’. today is the last lesson I have with L before spring break but I was so nervous I just completely blanked ugh

the last 2 lessons I’ve had with L have both been really dry. the last one had the same format as today, but I didn’t really go into the class at all. I came in for like 10 minutes and spent the rest of class outside. then today I did the same thing. it sucks because I felt really confident about me and L because I had been talking to her more and now we’ve barely spoken much and it is just getting me down

Dude I was totally off my game today. In L’s class she kept asking me things AND I KEPT SAYING THE WRONG ANSWER EVEN THOUGH I KNEW IT. humiliating.

today while waiting to go into L’s class i overheard my classmate say ‘she (L) looks pretty today’ and 'i never realized how small L is’ and i was so jealous lmao

28.3.22

so I had L yesterday and the class was a little mundane. I was gonna ask her something casual but the time wasnt ever right and she like ran out of class at the end so i couldnt catch her lol. during class she smiled at me and was sweet like usual.

i pretended i forgot my headphones in her class to come back and talk to her you can laugh lmao i knocked on her door and she was eating (a pear for lunch??) so she scrambled to put her mask on and i was like omg sorry for interrupting your lunch!!! and she was like nono its okay come in come in. i was like pretending to look HAHAH THIS IS EMBARRASING OKAY and i said ‘i swear i’ve been so forgetfull latelty’ (i haven’t). and she was so invested in me finding my headphones. she was asking questions and like 'dont worry paula they’re somewhere’ and it was so sweet

in my defense i was having a bad day (daddy issues lol) and i wanted so badly to just see her and talk to her. and she made me feel so much better.

also she has a tattoo on her back…totally wasnt staring. it was just poking out of her shirt. that’s so sweet, i didnt really see her as someone with tattoos but i get it yk? i think its like a butterfly or something but i could only see the top

i have a plan thats sorta weird but im stressed so this is what im gonna do —> we have one more class this week before our 1 week break. i talked to her yesterday and today casually which is good but i dont wanna overwhelm her so i wont say more than 'hello’ and 'goodmorning’ until our next class and then on our next class i’ll talk to her casually and then maybe ask a question on friday right before school ends

GUYS yesterday i was in the hall talking to another teacher right opposite L’s classroom and L came out and stood by her door and once the teacher left she came up to me and said ‘did she call you (sisters name)?’ and she did like a nervous laugh and i said no!! and she reached out her hand to touch me but kinda hovered and said 'good!! i was like that’s paula’ and laughed and i laughed and oh my god

does anyone get SO nervous for their tc’s lesson that they kind of dread it?? maybe im crazy but i have L tommorow and i’m always so nervous and it kinda makes me not like the days i have her bc i get so anxious and ugh

11.3.21

yesterday i had L and i forgot to write about it but it was too great so here we go

okay so L was in a really good mood yesterday. she was laughing and making jokes and being rely friendly. usually she just kind of sits quietly and almost never jokes around with students so i was pleasently suprised that she was feeling happy :) i think she’s been having a bit of a stressful week but it’s coming to an end now so she was a lot of fun in class

so we came into class and sat down and L presented her screen onto the board. i saw that she changed her background again to another photo of her dog and it was super cute. she has been presenting her screen and like leaving it as her background for 5 minutes recently so i got a good look at it lol.

while we were settling down i was talking to my friend. i was talking a lot because we had a deadline and my friend didnt know how to do something so i was explaining it to her. L called me a chatterbox it wasnt mean she was laughing but it kinda embbarased me lmao she said it like 3 times throughout the lesson

and then we were reading stuff of the board and i put my glasses on and she said ‘wow paula, you need glasses?’ and like smiled at me. its funny because ive always needed them but i just wouldnt wear them in L’s class because i didnt wanna look ugly but my doctor recently said i need to wear them more because my eyesight is getting worse and ive worn them like 6 times to her class. i thought she would say something the firdt time i wore them but she ignored it and now 3 weeks later she comments lol

after we were done with the activity she stopped sharing her screen and walked back to her desk. i took this as an opportunity to have a conversation becsuse she was in a good mood and i thought she’d be more chatty than usual

so i said 'hey L, is that a new photo of your dog? he looks adorable!’ and she said that it was and showed me another picture of him!!! and i said his eyes are adorable and she was i know his eyes!!! and then i asked how old he is and she said a year old. and i asked when she got him and she said she got him at 6 weeks old!!! and she told me a bit about him it was great

thats the scary thing about having a tc. you have to always be the initiator. you cant really rely on them to initiare if you want to get closer and it sucks when youre shy like me. i have never been outgoing at all but with L i just say f it and talk to her lol

when the bell rang i got my stuff and left and said 'have a good weekend L!’ and she said 'you too!’ and that was friday.

if you’re still here thank you for reading all that and have a great day❤️ may your next class with your tc be the best one yet

today at lunch i was washing my hands and when i turned around L was there and she winked at me?????? i felt my heart fall right out of my ass oh my god i was taken by suprise i never see her at lunch

today L passed my class and we made eye contact as she went by and FUCK THIS LADY DOESNT KNOW WHAT SHE DOES TO ME

in L’s class we all had to present and at one point show a song to the class and i chose a love song in my language (i didnt mean to its just my favourite song) and i realized that ive attatched L onto my favourite song. i was in the car and it started playing and i couldnt stop thinking of L and how sweet she looked when i played it and the lyrics dont help

tips for anxious tc'ers

having a tc is hard. eveyone knows the feeling of going blank when youre around your tc, or stumbling and choking on your words when you try to speak to them. so i decided to compile a list of tips that i have used that have worked for me (an extremely shy and awkward person) get close to my (extremely closed off/cold-ish) tc. if you’re looking for ways to start a conversation with your tc and make that leap into a more casual relationship - read on.

these tips work well for when you’re both online and on-campus :)

pets.

this is a very good way to talk to your tc when everyone is stuck at home during online school. how many times have you seen a dog running across the frame in your tc’s class? or heard meows in the background? if this every happens, take the leap and ask your tc (preferably after class as not to derail) what their pets name is. when i did this my tc she even sent me some pictures! it’s a great conversation starter and you can ask about the pet again in the future :)

casual segways.

this one is a little trickier and more nerve-wracking and it can be difficult depending on what class your tc teaches, but making the leap is really important. to do this, you have to first be having a class discussion in your tc’s class. for example, one time we were learning about how different cultures celebrate christmas. so i casually asked L how she’d be celebrating and spending her holiday. this turned into a conversation and brought us slightly closer together. asking your tc personal questions related to what you’re learning is great, it shows them you’re interested in both them and the class and everybody loves talking about themselves.

joining/coming to class early for small talk.

i know everyone has sat and waited a couple minutes before joining a google meet so that they aren’t alone with the teacher, but joining early when it’s just the two of you can create some really good conversations. it’s scary and you have to be quick, but joining quickly and giving a quick ‘hi! how are you?’ can create a friendly relationship between you. adding in a 'how was your weekend?’ can create a great conversation as-well.

advice, questions, help.

this is an obvious one, but asking your tc for help or reaching out to them for guidance is a great way to talk to them. if you have assignments or assessments in their class, you can ask for advice or for them to check on your work. the worst part about this tip is actually coming up with a question to ask, lol. you can confirm due dates, clarify details, and ask a question about what to do or how to do something.

compliments (within reason)

everyone likes getting complimented, and when we’re online it can be a great way to lift up your tc’s mood. i wouldn’t go too far with compliments, i’d stick with things like 'i like your shirt’ or “cool earrings!’. another great opportunity is complimenting your tc if they get a new haircut or change something about their appearance. one time, my tc got bangs and i complimented her. this became a conversation and that was one of the first times i really spoke to her! and if you’re worried about being weird or obvious, there have been countless times when ive complimented other teachers on their jewelery or clothes. its always been recieved well.

speak up!

keeping engaged and active during a class is really difficult to do, especially whenever we’re online. a good way to create a good relationship with your tc is engaging in their class! obviously, dont be obnoxious or rude, but answering questions and making jokes can be a great way to liven up a lesson. if your tc asks 'how are you guys’ in your class and nobody says anything, take the leap and answer! it can be awkward and really scary, but trust me it’s worth it. don’t let your tc’s questions go unanswered.

i hope these tips help you guys become more confident and that you have some good conversations with your tc’s after reading this <3

25.2.22

TODAY WAS SO GOOD OH MY GOD THIS IS LIKE THE BEST DAY IVE EVER HAD WITH L IM SO HAPPY

so i had to present and i was really nervous but i went on and i started. i was presenting and some of the stuff i was talking about was new and sort of weird and interesting and when i got to it L let out the cutest laugh ever

she was so interested in what i had to say and asked me questiond and she kept laughing this adorable laugh. it was so fricking cute i cant i loved it

and then while i was presenting she was smiling and laughing and all my jokes landed really well

and at the end we were like discussing some of the things i said and she kept doing that laugh and i had to physically stop myself from turning red and melting. how can a laugh be so intoxicating??? wtf?? how is her laugh the most beautiful sound i have ever heard in my life?????

class was so good im so happy. i cant get over her genuine laugh. everyday i see this lady i love her more. i didnt even think i could love her more than i do but appareantly i can. how can one person be so beautiful and funny and sweet and perfect?

today at dismissal me and a friend were talking while walking down the stairs to get to the car park of my school and there were a lot of pdople like rushing to get home and without even looking up or noticing i hear an angry

‘stay at one end of the stair wellpeople need to get through stay on the other side seriously ’

i just looked up when i hear her and L was stsnding right infront of me going up the stairs. she passed so quick though so i liked blinked and she was gone. she looled really pretty though

23.2.22

ive been challenging myself to make 1 joke or initiate 1 non-school related conversation every class i have with L. and it’s been going well hehe

okay so we came to class and i smiled at L and i sat down and got settled. we had to open a document and everyone was struggling to find it so she went off on a bit of a lecture about being prepared which wasn’t the best way to start my wednesday morning but yk

so then she presented a text thing on the screen and she deleted the tabs to disconnect and her background was displayed of the screen. omg. it was a picture of two dogs together and i was like omg i recognize that dog it’s L’s dog!!! so when she told us to work and passed me i was like

‘omg L is that dog in your background your dog?’ and she was like 'omg yeah hahaha’ and i was like '2???’ and she said her dog had a playdate with another dog and so thats her background photo

thats so fucking cute wtf. she loves this little dog so much i love it. i never thought of L as a dog person, she seems more like a cat person or like someone who doesn’t really like animals. but she turns into this sweetheart with her baby dog and i just love that side of her

nothing else really happened though but i’m really happy with today and i love L and life its great. i’ve been having a really hard couple of days but L makes me feel a lot netter

i forgot to update on yesterday!! i’m not gonna make a whole update post tho cause not enough happened lol

so i was kinda disappointed because L didn’t compliment me or say anything about my outfit :( but also im trying to dress for myself and not need validation so…nothing happened in class bc we were working on something the whole class but we talked a bit and she was cute so :) i saw her today too and she looked so pretty but i looked so tired today (no makeup and glasses) so i like hid lol

also i noticed she has her google chat status thing set to inactive always… i always wondered why her profile is never active. its kinda interesting i wonder why she has it set as inactive

It was the last day before break, and I wanted to give M a gift. I never got to ask him what he would like, so I wound up buying him a decently-sized container of roughly 2 dozen assorted chocolates. I also included a card along with his sweets, writing things like ‘happy holidays!’, and ‘be safe!’

I’ll also be sending him a piece of artwork just as I did last year on Christmas day! Don’t worry, he’s used to being spoiled; I’ve been gifting him and the other directors he worked with ever since we first met. To him, something like this probably just sounds like “something R would do”. Haha. The artwork will be way better this time around though!

Without further ado, I’ll get into it!! 

||||||||||||||||||||||||

Since the students got to have first period at the normal time today despite the finals scheduled, I was overjoyed. I had an early opportunity to give M his Christmas present.

I arrived to the school half an hour before the bell rang in hopes to get the gifting over with, in case we had a rehearsal that day. To my avail, though, I noticed that M’s car wasn’t parked next to the entrance as it usually was. M was usually at the school earlier than later, coming in around this time, but it was a slow day for everyone, so I didn’t blame him. It gave me more time to think anyway. I figured I’d just wait out his arrival by chatting with other band kids who were present. 

Pretty soon, I was sitting in the back of the room with a friend, chatting back and forth about their new job, when M walked in. I immediately noticed that he wore green today— a color that he rarely put on. It was lovely pairing with his appearance; his face looked so extravagant paired with that natural tone. He’s so pretty. As soon as I shook myself out of my trance, I saw that he was walking in a brisk pace.

Continuing to watch, I saw that he stopped to begin exchanging words with one of his other assistant directors. We’ll call him E. M’s head tipped down for a slight second at the bright bag I had given E earlier, dangling from his hand. M smiled lightly. I believe he asked where he had gotten that, because E slightly gestured in my direction with his hands and nodded, slightly smiling as well. 

M’s head turned slightly towards me, but he didn’t move it any further. It almost looked like he was a little taken aback by how I gave E a gift and not him, at least, from what I saw in his facial expression. He stood there, silent for a moment, before mumbling something else. The two left the room together soon after that. They were gone for a few minutes.

For about the next half hour, the one I talked to went to sleep (it was a study hall day for us— sleeping there is actually encouraged by M when the opportunity is given). All the while, I was stalling on giving the gift to him. For one, he was going in and out of his office a lot, likely to aid others. Two, there were many people walking into his office too, to ask questions as well.

Of course, this led me to stay there longer than anticipated. I may have seemed terrified about the situation to anyone else (my friend especially), but I was really just nervous about the entire thing. I was trying to think rationally as well; I wanted M to be happy, and, selfishly, I wanted to make sure that our interaction wouldn’t be interrupted by someone else walking in. That was why I thought it would be better to everyone else do their thing beforehand. 

One after the other, students came and went from the office. One in particular walked in, and didn’t exit. For what felt like eternity, I was waiting for them to get out of there. I grew even more anxious as time went by. By the time three or so minutes had passed, the student finally left. My friend was awake now as well, giving me a little pep talk, saying that I should just go ahead and give M the dang gift instead of waiting for so long.

With their words of urgency and my own knowledge of the time running out, I knew that it was time to go in there. Now or never. After another minute or so, I swallowed my anxiety, got up, and made my way over.

…

I planted a few light knocks on the office door and peered through the window. I didn’t see M in his seat, so I assumed he was probably trying sleep under his desk like U taught him to. I suppressed a grin at the thought. Despite knowing that I did not get any confirmation to move forward, I opened the door. I was going to place the gift bags down, leave, and be done with it. It would be a harmless little action. 

When I took a step through the doors, I scanned the room right to left, eventually landing them on M. He was standing there, now frozen in place, reaching up to put something on the shelf. His head was turned left, and he looked at me with a surprised expression. His wide-eyed curiosity was adorable. “What’s up?” He asked me, still caught off guard. He never broke eye contact, not even in the odd position he was in. 

I looked away from him, feeling slightly embarrassed to have walked in while he was doing something. “I was just going to put these gifts down…” I smiled at the floor and subtly lifted the gifts in my hands, mumbling half to myself. By the time I looked to the left and back at him, he had finished his action and was already walking my way. In spite of trying to look subtle, his joyous smile was that of a young child’s at the prospect of a present, and his eyes sparkled exuberantly with excitement. It was notably obvious how much his mood lifted in the span of three seconds. 

“Ohww,” he let out as he strolled towards me, “thank you!!” I walked slightly forwards as well while he approached, but far enough so he could still walk through the open space between the two desks. “I didn’t get to ask you what you wanted, but hopefully this is good enough!” I spoke a little quickly, looking back at the floor and grinning even more.

M stopped in front of me and held out his right hand towards me. “You want me to..okay.” I gently slid the handle of the gift bag off my left hand to transfer it onto his own. He carefully clasped his fingers to hold it and circled left, cheerfully, to his desk. There, he placed it down. “Thank you!” He thanked me once more. While he did that, he looked over to me, who was now leaning over to set U’s gift down as well. 

“Oh..— and that one’s for..Mr. [U]?” He spoke quicker as well, with a sort of a more anxious-to-talk tone of voice. I could practically hear his smile in his words. “Yeah,” I stated quietly. I placed the bag down and made sure it wouldn’t fall before turning back to M. Seeing him now, all eager and warm, I really wanted to hug him right at that moment. But not now. Later, I told myself. Later. Even then, I still felt this urge the entire time we remained in the same room together.

He began to initiate a conversation with me, his smile never faltering. He looked nervously in front of him while he asked me, “How was your first semester?” He wasn’t the type to break eye contact, so the fact that he did just that was a little odd, but I looked past that. “It was GREAT!” I replied genuinely.

I’m not exactly sure why, but this seemed to catch him quite off guard. “Oh,” he spoke very quietly. I very quickly ended my statement after that with “Thank you!” He smiled and said, with gratitude, “You’re welcome!” The room was silent for another two seconds, in which he began to look into my eyes once again. I waited a little bit before continuing again, shooting a smile his way. “It was worth it.” “Yeah.” He spoke, eye contact now beginning to waver. He seemed a little lost in thought, like he didn’t process what I said. The urge to hug him grew even stronger. 

In hindsight, I could have began asking him questions too, but I wasn’t thinking much. Haha. The silence prevailed. He sensed the conversation may die down here, so yet again, he brought up a new subject. “Did you march contra?” He asked me. His brows slightly furrowed, his eyes squinted, and he grinned, giving me a questioning look. “During the parade? Yeah!!” I beamed up at him. He glanced at me, smiling a little. “How was that?” He asked me softly.

“Ohh,” I complained playfully, “my arms were so sore.” I wiggled my right one for dramatic effect, glancing up to see him react, but I instead saw him gazing fixedly at me, thinking about and listening actively to what I had to say. Whoops, guess he was waiting for a genuine answer. “…But I had tons of fun!!” I finished. He observed and pondered to himself as I grinned at him. He began to hold a light smile that never faltered for the rest of our time in the office. 

“Do you like it better?” He questioned. “Well,” I began, a little unsure. “Personally, I think it has a better tone quality.” After I said this, he nodded to acknowledge my statement, then looked away from me, at nothing in particular. He tilted his head upwards to think, and I believe his left arm was folded, with right hand holding his chin.

“I’m still trying to decide,” he informed me. “I know he,” he quickly gestured to U’s desk, “likes them..” He paused for a little moment, then turned lightly to look at me. “…But I’m still unsure.” I chuckled and said that was fine. I bit back a ‘take your time’ statement when he continued to stare at me after that. He put his arms on his hips. God, I really wanted to hug him.

“Well, thank you!” He beamed, and as if he heard the thoughts replaying in my mind, he extended his left arm out towards me for a side hug. I couldn’t help but beam back at him and take it. I took a step or two towards him while he did the same. I remember the feeling fairly well: 

The sides of our upper torsos leaned nicely against one another. His arm remained softly behind my left shoulder, while my right arm remained on the back of his right one, eagerly patting the area behind it three times. The side of his head was close to mine. His shirt was warm. We were comfortable. His scent floated around me, and flooded my mind. I don’t know what cologne he uses, but if Heaven had a smell, that would be it. Kind of hoping he could smell my perfume as well — I had put scented lotion on my neck along with it in case we’d end up like this anyway …

After a long 1-second hug from him that felt like what would be forever in a lifetime of bliss, he pulled away casually. I did the same. I continued to beam at him. He smiled at me as well. “Oh, yeah,” he brought up out of the blue, “You’re going to play in a brass quintet.” He then began to stroll towards the door. “Really??” I gawked in disbelief. He continued to grin. “There will be …” He began to list a few of the instruments that would be playing alongside myself. I was in awe throughout his whole spiel. He chose me for something like this?? I can’t believe he trusts me this much. 

He finished up listing some of the instruments and stopped right before opening the door in front of me, turning to look straight into my eyes. His deep, luminous brown eyes hooked right to my own. He had a little smirk on his face. His body was tilted downwards a bit, probably leaning on the door handle. He told me, “I’ll give you the music for that—after break.” He then pushed open the door and moved so he stood at the edge of it, giving me room to exit.

I smiled so hard, both at his action and the huge opportunity he just gave to me. “Awesome!! Thank you!!” He smiled right back at me, his adorable eyes squishing upwards with the force of the expression. “You’re welcome. Have a good day, R.” “You too!” After walking forward a little bit, I looked back at him quickly, still beaming. He stood in the same spot, expression unchanged as well. I then looked back in front of me. My friend from earlier was looking at me now. “Wasn’t that hard, was it?” They called over. “No, it wasn’t!”

They saw my super happy expression, and I told them what had happened. Well, some of what had happened. Most of it was me telling them that he was being really nice to me, to which they rolled their eyes at, because that was the same thing I would always say. Haha. 

~~

At the end of the day, I hesitantly turned to walk straight through the fine arts halls, right the back of the school’s exit, instead of taking the way that would bring me right to the band room. I told myself that M would probably not be out of his office, and that I probably wouldn’t see him if I went in there anyway. Little did I know, I was right.

After taking the turn, I noticed someone sitting on the stairs near the exit I was taking, and looking at their phone. Was that…? It was. M was there! I’d be able to see him again!! Right when I realized this, I was suddenly covered behind a decently-sized group of people. Four or five. Fairly sure they mostly wore black hoodies.

I decided not to move on purpose as it would be too obvious in showing M that I was overly excited to see him, so I stayed hidden. Eventually, there was an opening between two arms of the people who were in front of me, making the perfect display of my face in the middle. I could see great through it too. It was the perfect window for me to see M, and vise versa. 

I saw M look straight up from his phone once, looking in my direction, then down again. Almost right away, he very quickly took a double take and rose his head again to look at me once more, this time not letting his attention falter. The group luckily dispersed so that all of me was visible to him. M and I kept prolonged eye contact. The closer I got, the more I smiled. When I was about to step out of the hallway and into the actual room he was in, I waved at M shyly with my left hand. He kept looking and began to smile.

“Have a great break, R.” He called to me, genuinely, from across the area. I grinned from ear to ear. “Yeah — you too!!” I exclaimed. My expression was vibrant. His grew even more tender and caring. He maintained a happy smile as I made the turn for the door on the left of me instead of walking up the stairs next to him…for some reason. 

I turned back to him, noticing that he was still gazing at me. He spared one fourth of a second’s glance at his screen before returning once more, noticing my returned attention. I beamed so hard at him. He was looking at me. He was smiling at me. He was happy. That was everything to me.

I looked forward once more, and did a happy little dash out of the door. Right then and there, the winter break had commenced. 

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I was SO content that entire rest of the day. Heck, I’m still happy now.

Thinking back to it, M never held the door for anyone else. Just for me, and that realization gave me so many butterflies. And the sudden mention of a brass quintet— what if that was his version of a gift for me..? It sounded so sudden, and I don’t think he could give me something back, so what if this was something he just thought of doing in the moment, to try return my act of kindness? You know what? I’m overthinking this way too much.

Hopefully the band isn’t too hard for him to set up, with everything else going on and whatnot. I wouldn’t want to burden him, you know? I hope he enjoyed the present as well. 

I’m so grateful for him, and so lucky to have him in my life. I absolutely cannot wait until I can send him my artwork, and until the day I can see him again. For now, though, I’ll just work hard and have fun for these next two weeks. ^^ Thanks for tuning in! I hope everyone stays safe and has a great winter break as well.