#mcu marvel avengers
Jimmy Woo: Pick a card
Scott:
Jimmy Woo: Not my debit card
Rhodey: You’re late
Tony: Quit trying to be a clock, you don’t have the face for it
Peter: Hey Mr Stark, how’s the potty training going?
Tony: Morgan was so excited to use that Frozen potty you got her that she sat on it sideways and pissed all over the floor
Peter: So not good?
Tony: Could be better
Tony: Harley I specifically told you no fighting, no swearing, and no drinking alcohol
Tony: And I found you bashing Peter’s head on the floor screaming “don’t touch my damn beer”
Harley: [holding up a badly drawn picture of Peter]
Harley: Well what do you think, Pete? Your eyes are bright red because I ran out of green
Peter: My eyes are brown
Harley: Now you tell me
Tony: How is everyone doing?
Harley: Well I’m breathing
Tony: Setting the bar pretty low huh?
Harley: Well it’s better than Peter anyways
Peter: [having a panic attack] honestly fuck you
Tony: Thanks for looking after the kid while I’m gone
Tony: He’s my world
Sam: What a shit world
Tony: Barton is in jail?
Natasha: Yeah, for something he didn’t do
Tony: What didn’t he do?
Natasha: Run fast enough
Tony: Alright Keener put Peter on the phone
Harley: Pete’s pretty big I think it’s be easier to put the phone on Peter
Peter: [having a bad day]
Harley:Pete-
Peter: FUCK YOUR HEAD AND THE NECK IT RODE IN ON
Peter: Tony is hiding something
Peter: He came home wearing a suit and I asked him where he was and he said he was buying milk but he drank it all on the way home
Harley: Oh man
Peter: I know
Harley: We really needed milk
Tony: Peter can you watch Morgan while I get dressed?
Peter:Sure
[a few minutes later]
Peter: [from downstairs] COME ON DORA YOURE THE ONE WITH THE MAP NOT ME
Peter: [trying to impress MJ] You know jumping out of planes for missions is actually very dangerous. They say 1 in 5 people don’t even make it to the ground
Tony: What do you mean they don’t make it to the ground where would they go?
Peter: I hear crying
Peter:
Peter: Oh wait
Peter: It’s just me
Harley: [about Peter] Tony, the kid is an idiot
Peter: Yeah well the only reason you’re in school is ‘cause that’s where the bus stops
Harley: I think Tony is having woman problems
Peter: Tony’s having cramps?
Tony:[whispering] Hide me hide me hide me
Peter: Mr Stark what’s going on?
Somewoman:[angry] Tony Stark?
Tony: [looking around] What? Where? He owes me money
Tony and Peter: [soaking wet]
Peter: You can yell at me all you want but I’ve seen enough movies to know that popping the back of the raft makes it go faster
Tony: Kid when I told you to report back with anything that didn’t look right I meant something dangerous not a baby wearing ripped jeans
Sam: Merry Christmas Buck
Bucky: I thought you hated Christmas?
Sam: Nah
Sam: I just hate you