#incorrectmarvelquotes

Jimmy Woo: Pick a card

Scott:

Jimmy Woo: Not my debit card

Rhodey: You’re late

Tony: Quit trying to be a clock, you don’t have the face for it

Peter: Hey Mr Stark, how’s the potty training going?

Tony: Morgan was so excited to use that Frozen potty you got her that she sat on it sideways and pissed all over the floor

Peter: So not good?

Tony: Could be better

Tony: Harley I specifically told you no fighting, no swearing, and no drinking alcohol

Tony: And I found you bashing Peter’s head on the floor screaming “don’t touch my damn beer”

Harley: [holding up a badly drawn picture of Peter]

Harley: Well what do you think, Pete? Your eyes are bright red because I ran out of green

Peter: My eyes are brown

Harley: Now you tell me

Tony: How is everyone doing?

Harley: Well I’m breathing

Tony: Setting the bar pretty low huh?

Harley: Well it’s better than Peter anyways

Peter: [having a panic attack] honestly fuck you

Tony: Thanks for looking after the kid while I’m gone

Tony: He’s my world

Sam: What a shit world

Tony: Barton is in jail?

Natasha: Yeah, for something he didn’t do

Tony: What didn’t he do?

Natasha: Run fast enough

Tony: Alright Keener put Peter on the phone

Harley: Pete’s pretty big I think it’s be easier to put the phone on Peter

Peter: [having a bad day]

Harley:Pete-

Peter: FUCK YOUR HEAD AND THE NECK IT RODE IN ON

Peter: Tony is hiding something

Peter: He came home wearing a suit and I asked him where he was and he said he was buying milk but he drank it all on the way home

Harley: Oh man

Peter: I know

Harley: We really needed milk

Tony: Peter can you watch Morgan while I get dressed?

Peter:Sure

[a few minutes later]

Peter: [from downstairs] COME ON DORA YOURE THE ONE WITH THE MAP NOT ME

Peter: [trying to impress MJ] You know jumping out of planes for missions is actually very dangerous. They say 1 in 5 people don’t even make it to the ground

Tony: What do you mean they don’t make it to the ground where would they go?

Peter: I hear crying

Peter:

Peter: Oh wait

Peter: It’s just me

Harley: [about Peter] Tony, the kid is an idiot

Peter: Yeah well the only reason you’re in school is ‘cause that’s where the bus stops

Harley: I think Tony is having woman problems

Peter: Tony’s having cramps?

Tony:[whispering] Hide me hide me hide me

Peter: Mr Stark what’s going on?

Somewoman:[angry] Tony Stark?

Tony: [looking around] What? Where? He owes me money

Tony and Peter: [soaking wet]

Peter: You can yell at me all you want but I’ve seen enough movies to know that popping the back of the raft makes it go faster

Tony: Kid when I told you to report back with anything that didn’t look right I meant something dangerous not a baby wearing ripped jeans

Sam: Merry Christmas Buck

Bucky: I thought you hated Christmas?

Sam: Nah

Sam: I just hate you