was talking to my friend and I said “wow you have really long fingers” and then I realised that sounded like I was coming onto him so I added “like ET” to desexualise the moment
a friend *stabs me in the kidney and empties my bank account* me: I can’t believe you would do this! I thought you cared about me! me a few days later: I apologize for shouting at you and I think I definitely need to recognize the part I played in this situation cos it’s not all on you. Anyways I think we can work past this.
feelings r like boogie boards. u can try and push em down under the surface but they will always and very instantly come right back up and slam u in the face. i think aristotle said that
born too early to be conceived on the garfield dark ride. born too late to have gay sex on the garfield dark ride. born just in time to watch a video about gay sex on the garfield dark ride
look potc5 is objectively a very bad movie however there are very few lines of prose in this world that make me go as buckwild fucking feral as “who am i to you? / treasure” followed closely by “i’m a captain / i know which stars to follow home”
