#medical emergency
guys! i need your help! all you cat lovers pleaseeeee even sharing this post will be helpful!
my girlfriend, Lily’s best friend had a life or death scare this morning which resulted in us bringing punkin (her cat) to the animal hospital for a pretty expensive procedure! he will be in the hospital for a few days and hoping he has a fast and healthy recovery! any donations would be helpful for this difficult time and very appreciated ❤️
the vet hospital said they won’t operate before payment it’s disgusting how they won’t even offer a payment plan or anything!!! especially in a state of emergency
Help Cover Punkin’s Medical Expenses :(, organized by Lily Chaires
Rating: Teen
Relationship: Ten x Rose
Summary: A post-GITF sick-fic UA. What if Rose had come away with more than nightmares after her run-in with the clockwork droids? What if her trust in the Doctor had been so fractured that she’d been afraid to tell him? And what if that broken trust might just lead to a dangerous situation for Rose? Will the Doctor be able fix it in time? Note: Trigger warning for non-explicit DV, self-loathing, PTSD, medical emergency.
Notes: Helloooooo shiny people! I can’t believe we’re finally here- THE EPILOGUE! The very final chapter of this fic, which was written for the @doctor-rose-events classic tropes event. Thank you all for coming on this crazy ride with me- I couldn’t have done it without you and you’re all fabulous.<3
I hope this brief look at a very different future with Rose and the Doctor (I couldn’t help kicking Doomsday in the bum, repeatedly) will leave us all in a good place, and with hope going forward. There’s ALWAYS hope, and no one is broken beyond repair. To that end, I’ll be posting a non-fic chapter in the next day or two with a list of trauma, counselling and DV resources that my wonderful people around the world have sent me. Keep an eye out for that in the next few days.I hope that you’ve all enjoyed this story, and I have to give a big shoutout to everyone who has encouraged me and left comments, the ladies on Fangirlia who have listened to me whine and complain incessantly, Aintafraidanoghosts for listening to me whine on chat EVERY SINGLE DAY, and finally, @rose–nebula, without whom I could not have done this. She’s beta’d every chapter, every week, no matter what crazy time of day or night I’ve sent them, and supported me emotionally and mentally when I was ready to fling a chapter into the abyss or set it on fire. I could not have done this without you, my dear. Thank you more than I can say <3 <3 <3 All mistakes are mine, and of course all recognisable dialogue from the episode belongs to one Mr RTD. I hope you enjoy!Tumblr: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3|Chapter 4 |Chapter 5|Chapter 6|Chapter 7 |Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10|Chapter 11|Chapter 12 |Chapter 13
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“Hello?”
“Jack! Thank God. Are you in Cardiff?” Rose clutched the mobile to her ear, watching in disbelief as the Doctor smacked the TARDIS console with a mallet.
“Rosie! Yeah, Mickey and I are at headquarters. Why? Is everything OK?”
The TARDIS jolted.
“Behave!” the Doctor snapped, scowling at the console.
“Oh my…hold on Jack- Doctor, stop smacking her!” Rose snapped. “Have you lost your mind?”
“She won’t do it, Rose! She’s resisting!”
“Rose?” Jack’s tone was suddenly sharp, all semblance of relaxed chit-chat gone. “What’s going on?”
“We’re flying down the highway, chasing a taxi driven by a robot santa, that’s what’s goin’ on!”
“What? What highway? Where are you?”
“London.” Rose took over holding down various knobs from the Doctor as he inched closer to the door. “Specifically, chasin’ a woman in a weddin’ dress to Chiswick, or wherever this robot is takin’ her.” She closed her eyes and ignored Donna’s screeched “Oh, you are kidding me!” as the TARDIS scraped the road beside the taxi, the bump almost knocking Rose off her feet.
“Rose? What the hell is happening?”
“You’ve got to jump!” the Doctor shouted, almost hanging out of the doorway.
“Who’s jumping?” Jack demanded.
“It’ll take too long to explain! Look, I need you to do somethin’ for me Jack- quickly!”
“What do you need?”
“I need you to find out everything you can about a woman who’s booked to get married at St Mary’s Church in Chiswick today. Her name’s Donna.”
“Last name?”
“Dunno. Once you’ve got it from the church, I need you to run it on every system you have- find out everythin’ about her.”
“Why?”
“Because she showed up on the TARDIS while she was in mid-flight, Jack! Just appeared in the middle of the vortex!”
There was a gasp. “You’re kidding.”
“No, I’m not kiddin’! I don’t have time to kid! I need you to do it now, Jack, please!”
“On it.” She heard Jack barking orders to someone beside him to call the church, followed by the clack of a keyboard moments later. “I’ll dig up everything I can, Rosie.”
“Thanks,” she exhaled, staring in disbelief as Donna hesitated to jump out of the taxi. “Quick as you can, Jack! There’s somethin’ weird going on here.”
“Whatever that thing is, it needs you,” the Doctor pleaded with Donna, stretching out his arm. “And whatever it needs you for, it’s not good! Now, come on!”
Rating: Teen
Relationship: Ten x Rose
Summary: A post-GITF sick-fic UA. What if Rose had come away with more than nightmares after her run-in with the clockwork droids? What if her trust in the Doctor had been so fractured that she’d been afraid to tell him? And what if that broken trust might just lead to a dangerous situation for Rose? Will the Doctor be able fix it in time? Note: Trigger warning for non-explicit DV, self-loathing, PTSD, medical emergency.
Notes: Helloooooo shiny people! I can’t believe we’re finally here- THE EPILOGUE! The very final chapter of this fic, which was written for the @doctor-rose-events classic tropes event. Thank you all for coming on this crazy ride with me- I couldn’t have done it without you and you’re all fabulous.<3
I hope this brief look at a very different future with Rose and the Doctor (I couldn’t help kicking Doomsday in the bum, repeatedly) will leave us all in a good place, and with hope going forward. There’s ALWAYS hope, and no one is broken beyond repair. To that end, I’ll be posting a non-fic chapter in the next day or two with a list of trauma, counselling and DV resources that my wonderful people around the world have sent me. Keep an eye out for that in the next few days.I hope that you’ve all enjoyed this story, and I have to give a big shoutout to everyone who has encouraged me and left comments, the ladies on Fangirlia who have listened to me whine and complain incessantly, Aintafraidanoghosts for listening to me whine on chat EVERY SINGLE DAY, and finally, @rose–nebula, without whom I could not have done this. She’s beta’d every chapter, every week, no matter what crazy time of day or night I’ve sent them, and supported me emotionally and mentally when I was ready to fling a chapter into the abyss or set it on fire. I could not have done this without you, my dear. Thank you more than I can say <3 <3 <3 All mistakes are mine, and of course all recognisable dialogue from the episode belongs to one Mr RTD. I hope you enjoy!Tumblr: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3|Chapter 4 |Chapter 5|Chapter 6|Chapter 7 |Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10|Chapter 11|Chapter 12 |Chapter 13
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“Hello?”
“Jack! Thank God. Are you in Cardiff?” Rose clutched the mobile to her ear, watching in disbelief as the Doctor smacked the TARDIS console with a mallet.
“Rosie! Yeah, Mickey and I are at headquarters. Why? Is everything OK?”
The TARDIS jolted.
“Behave!” the Doctor snapped, scowling at the console.
“Oh my…hold on Jack- Doctor, stop smacking her!” Rose snapped. “Have you lost your mind?”
“She won’t do it, Rose! She’s resisting!”
“Rose?” Jack’s tone was suddenly sharp, all semblance of relaxed chit-chat gone. “What’s going on?”
“We’re flying down the highway, chasing a taxi driven by a robot santa, that’s what’s goin’ on!”
“What? What highway? Where are you?”
“London.” Rose took over holding down various knobs from the Doctor as he inched closer to the door. “Specifically, chasin’ a woman in a weddin’ dress to Chiswick, or wherever this robot is takin’ her.” She closed her eyes and ignored Donna’s screeched “Oh, you are kidding me!” as the TARDIS scraped the road beside the taxi, the bump almost knocking Rose off her feet.
“Rose? What the hell is happening?”
“You’ve got to jump!” the Doctor shouted, almost hanging out of the doorway.
“Who’s jumping?” Jack demanded.
“It’ll take too long to explain! Look, I need you to do somethin’ for me Jack- quickly!”
“What do you need?”
“I need you to find out everything you can about a woman who’s booked to get married at St Mary’s Church in Chiswick today. Her name’s Donna.”
“Last name?”
“Dunno. Once you’ve got it from the church, I need you to run it on every system you have- find out everythin’ about her.”
“Why?”
“Because she showed up on the TARDIS while she was in mid-flight, Jack! Just appeared in the middle of the vortex!”
There was a gasp. “You’re kidding.”
“No, I’m not kiddin’! I don’t have time to kid! I need you to do it now, Jack, please!”
“On it.” She heard Jack barking orders to someone beside him to call the church, followed by the clack of a keyboard moments later. “I’ll dig up everything I can, Rosie.”
“Thanks,” she exhaled, staring in disbelief as Donna hesitated to jump out of the taxi. “Quick as you can, Jack! There’s somethin’ weird going on here.”
“Whatever that thing is, it needs you,” the Doctor pleaded with Donna, stretching out his arm. “And whatever it needs you for, it’s not good! Now, come on!”
Rating: Teen
Relationship: Ten x Rose
Summary: A post-GITF sick-fic UA. What if Rose had come away with more than nightmares after her run-in with the clockwork droids? What if her trust in the Doctor had been so fractured that she’d been afraid to tell him? And what if that broken trust might just lead to a dangerous situation for Rose? Will the Doctor be able fix it in time? Note: Trigger warning for non-explicit DV, self-loathing, PTSD, medical emergency.
Notes: Helloooooo shiny people! I can’t believe we’re finally here- THE EPILOGUE! The very final chapter of this fic, which was written for the @doctor-rose-events classic tropes event. Thank you all for coming on this crazy ride with me- I couldn’t have done it without you and you’re all fabulous.<3
I hope this brief look at a very different future with Rose and the Doctor (I couldn’t help kicking Doomsday in the bum, repeatedly) will leave us all in a good place, and with hope going forward. There’s ALWAYS hope, and no one is broken beyond repair. To that end, I’ll be posting a non-fic chapter in the next day or two with a list of trauma, counselling and DV resources that my wonderful people around the world have sent me. Keep an eye out for that in the next few days.I hope that you’ve all enjoyed this story, and I have to give a big shoutout to everyone who has encouraged me and left comments, the ladies on Fangirlia who have listened to me whine and complain incessantly, Aintafraidanoghosts for listening to me whine on chat EVERY SINGLE DAY, and finally, @rose–nebula, without whom I could not have done this. She’s beta’d every chapter, every week, no matter what crazy time of day or night I’ve sent them, and supported me emotionally and mentally when I was ready to fling a chapter into the abyss or set it on fire. I could not have done this without you, my dear. Thank you more than I can say <3 <3 <3 All mistakes are mine, and of course all recognisable dialogue from the episode belongs to one Mr RTD. I hope you enjoy!Tumblr: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3|Chapter 4 |Chapter 5|Chapter 6|Chapter 7 |Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10|Chapter 11|Chapter 12 |Chapter 13
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“Hello?”
“Jack! Thank God. Are you in Cardiff?” Rose clutched the mobile to her ear, watching in disbelief as the Doctor smacked the TARDIS console with a mallet.
“Rosie! Yeah, Mickey and I are at headquarters. Why? Is everything OK?”
The TARDIS jolted.
“Behave!” the Doctor snapped, scowling at the console.
“Oh my…hold on Jack- Doctor, stop smacking her!” Rose snapped. “Have you lost your mind?”
“She won’t do it, Rose! She’s resisting!”
“Rose?” Jack’s tone was suddenly sharp, all semblance of relaxed chit-chat gone. “What’s going on?”
“We’re flying down the highway, chasing a taxi driven by a robot santa, that’s what’s goin’ on!”
“What? What highway? Where are you?”
“London.” Rose took over holding down various knobs from the Doctor as he inched closer to the door. “Specifically, chasin’ a woman in a weddin’ dress to Chiswick, or wherever this robot is takin’ her.” She closed her eyes and ignored Donna’s screeched “Oh, you are kidding me!” as the TARDIS scraped the road beside the taxi, the bump almost knocking Rose off her feet.
“Rose? What the hell is happening?”
“You’ve got to jump!” the Doctor shouted, almost hanging out of the doorway.
“Who’s jumping?” Jack demanded.
“It’ll take too long to explain! Look, I need you to do somethin’ for me Jack- quickly!”
“What do you need?”
“I need you to find out everything you can about a woman who’s booked to get married at St Mary’s Church in Chiswick today. Her name’s Donna.”
“Last name?”
“Dunno. Once you’ve got it from the church, I need you to run it on every system you have- find out everythin’ about her.”
“Why?”
“Because she showed up on the TARDIS while she was in mid-flight, Jack! Just appeared in the middle of the vortex!”
There was a gasp. “You’re kidding.”
“No, I’m not kiddin’! I don’t have time to kid! I need you to do it now, Jack, please!”
“On it.” She heard Jack barking orders to someone beside him to call the church, followed by the clack of a keyboard moments later. “I’ll dig up everything I can, Rosie.”
“Thanks,” she exhaled, staring in disbelief as Donna hesitated to jump out of the taxi. “Quick as you can, Jack! There’s somethin’ weird going on here.”
“Whatever that thing is, it needs you,” the Doctor pleaded with Donna, stretching out his arm. “And whatever it needs you for, it’s not good! Now, come on!”
Rating: Teen
Relationship: Ten x Rose
Summary: A post-GITF sick-fic UA. What if Rose had come away with more than nightmares after her run-in with the clockwork droids? What if her trust in the Doctor had been so fractured that she’d been afraid to tell him? And what if that broken trust might just lead to a dangerous situation for Rose? Will the Doctor be able fix it in time? Note: Trigger warning for non-explicit DV, self-loathing, PTSD, medical emergency.
Notes: Hello lovely people! Here is the new penultimate chapter for my @doctor-rose-events classic tropes fic - yes, that’s right, in typical me style, I’ve decided to add one more- an epilogue set some time after this chapter- to be posted next week. So we still have one more to go! I decided we deserved a look at Rose and the Doctor a way into the future and seeing how far things have come (no hints but SQUEEEEEE!). So keep your eyes peeled for that next weekend.In the meantime, this chapter is really about hope, and moving forward. About Rose knowing she can and deserves to ask for help, and that while it’s a LOT of work, it’s totally worthwhile. And SHE is worthwhile. It’s about courage and friendship and love and trust- all those vital things nobody can live without. I hope you like this chapter, which gives us several different glimpses at different points of Rose and team TARDIS (it makes me so happy just writing that) as they progress in this difficult journey. I hope you like it.Many thanks to Aintafraidanoghosts and @rose–nebula for encouraging me to post and not throw this thing into the bin, and as always, MANY HUGE HUGS TO ROSE-NEBULA FOR HER MAGNIFICENT AND THOROUGH BETA. You are the most magnificent of people <3 Thanks also to @galiifreyrose,@wildchildamandaa and @melusine for their encouragement to post this thing and stop butchering it. I’ve had a difficult week so apologies if this isn’t what it should be- all mistakes are mine.Only general trigger warning applies for this chapter.Hope you enjoy (or don’t hate this) and on with the show!
Tumblr: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 |Chapter 4 |Chapter 5| Chapter 6|Chapter 7 |Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10|Chapter 11 | Chapter 12
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Jack had always been much cleverer than he let on.
That wasn’t to say he pretended to be daft, but he played the part of a happy, lecherous fool so well that people didn’t realise that he saw more than he let on and said less than he thought. Rose had certainly never thought him stupid by any means (how could she, when he was so clever?), but she’d been so very surprised, in the beginning, by just how much he saw, how much he’d been able to read between the lines.
She’d also forgotten how well he knew her and how easily he could read her.
They’d talked for hours, that first day, until she was drooping with exhaustion and the Doctor had swooped in to carry her off to bed, glaring at Jack all the while, but Rose wasn’t sorry. She’d missed Jack so much and her guilt at realising they’d left him behind and what she’d done was immense. Jack had explained what had happened to him, and she’d finally understood what the Doctor had meant about Jack being a fixed point. She’d been horrified to hear that not only had she brought him back from the dead, but had apparently condemned him to an eternity of dying and coming back to life.
*****************************************
“I’m sorry,” she sobbed. “I’m so sorry Jack! I didn’t know, I didn’t mean to!”
“Don’t be sorry Rosie, I know you didn’t.” He comforted her, pulling her close. “It was a shock at first and I’m used to it now. It was hard the first few times, but after that? Piece of cake.”
“Stop tryin’ to make me feel better,” she sniffled, poking him in the shoulder. “I don’t deserve it.”
“No, Rose.” His tone was unusually firm. “You…this happened because you cared about me.” His voice had cracked. “You loved me so much that you brought me back from the dead- how can I be angry about that?”
“Yeah but I didn’t just do that, did I? I mucked it up and now you can’t die!“
“Alright, so you could have used a bit of work on the fine-tuning.” He rolled his eyes. “Rosie, you used the power of the Vortex! There’s no manual for that, and no one has ever done it! I’m amazed you managed to do what you did.” He buried his face in her hair for a moment. “That you wanted to do what you did.” He waggled his eyebrows in an attempt to lighten the mood. “Not that I can blame you- handsome hunk that I am.”
“Prat,” she muttered.
“But a handsome prat!” He leered. “So handsome you couldn’t live without another peek at my cheeky derriere.”
She couldn’t help laughing at his outrageous means of cheering her up. She’d missed it. “Shut up, you perv.”
“That’s better,” he smiled. “Much better. “You’re not made for sadness, Rosie. And I’ll tell you here and now- you have nothing to be sorry about, and if I’m angry with anyone, it sure as hell isn’t you.”
She wisely chose not to probe further, knowing how furious he was- how furious he deserved to be- with the Doctor who had known what had happened to him and yet chosen to leave him behind.
And then, finally, when it couldn’t be avoided any longer, they talked about her.
She’d been too ashamed to tell him everything, especially that she’d almost caused her own death because she’d been too afraid to go to the Doctor for medical help, but she had told him the bare bones- including, reluctantly, that the Doctor had left her and Mickey on the space station in the future to go after Madame de Pompadour. Unsurprisingly, Jack had been incredulous, and utterly furious, only containing his reaction when he saw how much the topic had upset her. He’d taken a deep breath and, clearly ignoring his own rage on the matter, changed the subject.
She’d never loved him as much as she had in that moment.
They’d spoken for hours, mourning the loss of the Doctor they’d known and loved, and talking a little about this one. Rose had made a point of telling Jack that while this Doctor had made a poor start and given her cause to doubt, he was working overtime to prove himself now. She’d even shared that the Doctor had been talking about his planet, which Jack had heard in utter disbelief.
Apparently, though, it hadn’t been enough, because the next morning, she awoke to find Jack growling at the Doctor in the kitchen. She stood out of the doorway, just out of sight, listening to the scene unfold.
“Bad enough you dumped me, and left me without a clue about what had happened or where you were,” he snarled at the Doctor, who’d stood with jaw clenched. “But Rose? You abandoned Rose ? If anything could show me that you’re not the same man, that would be it.”
The Doctor flinched, and said nothing.
“He’d have cut off his right hand before leaving her on that dump! What were you thinking?”
“That’s none of your business,” the Doctor said finally, his voice low and fierce. “It’s between me and Rose.”
“The hell it is!” Jack growled. “Rose is family, the only family I have, and once upon a time she was the most important person in the world to you! Now you dump her to go after one of the most self-centred, greedy snobs in history? You’d damn well better believe it is my business!”
“Enough.” The Doctor’s warning tone sent chills down her spine.
“No it damn well isn’t!” Jack growled right back. “How dare you? How dare you abandon Rose, leave her to die for that…that harpy, knowing what you do about what Rose has been through?”
“What do you know about what she’s been through?” The Doctor’s voice was sharp.
“You know good and well the bastard she was with before abused her.”
Rose closed her eyes in shame. She’d forgotten how clever Jack was, how perceptive. She should have known he’d work it out somehow, should have known he’d piece it all together.
“You knew.” The Doctor’s tone was suspiciously flat.
“Of course I knew,” Jack scoffed. “It was obvious to anyone with eyes, and you knew too. Don’t try and pretend you didn’t.”
The Doctor had been silent for a long moment. “I guessed, but I didn’t know.”
“You knew enough,” Jack growled. “More than enough. You saw how she was in the beginning, you knew how she thought of herself, of you, heck even me! Or at least, the first you did,” Jack added pointedly. “No idea about thisyou.”
“You’re a Time Agent, Jack.” The Doctor sounded tired. “You know how regeneration works, you know we’re one and the same.”
“So how do you explain this little jaunt, then- and abandoning the TARDIS, I might add? And don’t add any bull about it being none of my business because we both know that you owe me for taking off and never coming back. I can just about understand you leaving me at the Game Station when you were regenerating, but what about afterwards? Why didn’t you come back? Why didn’t you warn me, tell me what had happened? Do you know how many times I was burned as a witch? How many times I barely got out alive because I never aged, because I broke my neck and was walking around a few minutes later? I didn’t even realise that it was Rose who’d done it until I talked to her just now! You dumped me like so much trash and kept on going. I was your friend, I travelled with you- I deserved better, Doctor!”
“You did,” the Doctor said into the charged silence. “You did and I’m… sorry. Fixed point or no fixed point, you didn’t deserve that.”
“Damn right I did,” Jack seethed. “And Rose? What was your excuse for leaving her on that disease-ridden junk heap?”
“She told you?” The Doctor’s tone was entirely flat.
“She told me enough,” Jack growled. “She told me you left her on that cursed scrapheap and that she was sick shortly afterwards. Doesn’t need a Time Lord genius to put two and two together. That ship would have been a cesspool of pathogens after what happened to the crew.”
“Yes,” the Doctor said quietly. “It was”
The heavy silence was so charged that Rose had almost made up her mind to walk in, when Jack spoke.
“So?”
“So what?”
“So,” Jack said through his teeth. “Why. Did. You. Leave. Rose? And don’t feed me that bull about needing to save history, because we both know you could have found another way or taken her with you, at the least. And don’t say it isn’t my business because what happens to Rose Tyler is always my business.”
The Doctor sighed. “It’s between me and Rose, Jack. I know you mean well, but this isn’t something I’m going to discuss with you. It’s private.”
“Don’t give me that,” Jack snarled. “She almost died, and while I respect Rosie’s right to privacy, I’m sure as hell not inclined to extend you the same privilege. You owe me, Doctor and you owe Rose. That woman has stuck by you through thick and thin and then some- what could make you leave her? She wasn’t a fixed point,” he added pointedly. “So what gives?”
The Doctor didn’t say a word.
“Not talking, huh? Alright, let me see if I can guess. Let’s see- you’re crazy about Rosie, clearly still are, so what would make you do something so stupid and dangerous? Sounds like a panic response if ever I heard one- no thought involved at all. But what could scare a mighty Time Lord enough to make him panic? Oh, here’s a wild guess: a little worry about mismatched lifespans and getting too attached, maybe?”
The sound of a spoon clattering into the sink seemed unnaturally loud in the silence.
“I knew it. That’s it, isn’t it?” Jack demanded. “Say it!” he shouted when it seemed that the Doctor wasn’t going to reply.
“Yes,” the Doctor said finally.
“Right.”
The next minute, she heard the sound of scuffling and ran as quickly as she could into the kitchen, just in time to catch Jack’s fist in both her own hands, the Doctor standing unmoving with a look of utter resignation and acceptance on his face. He had no intention of defending himself and she couldn’t take it.
“No,” she said, panting from her exertions. “Don’t.”
“Rosie…”
“No, Jack.” She exhaled, trying to catch her breath. “Don’t. Not for me. I don’t…” She drew breath again. “No hittin’.”
She’d had enough of violence to last her a lifetime.
Turning to look at the Doctor, she gasped at the look in his eyes; the guilt, the loathing…and the love.
For her.
She turned back to Jack. “Don’t…I know you’re angry, Jack, an’ you’ve got every right to be. I know the Doctor hurt you.” She drew a deep breath, stifling her emotions. “I know what that feels like, and you have the right to…I dunno, ask for answers, shout at him, tell him off…,but no….no hittin’. I can’t…’s not right.”
Jack’s expression softened and he dropped his hand immediately, his blue eyes suddenly understanding. “I’m sorry Rosie, I didn’t mean to-”
“No,” she cut in. “Don’t apologise to me- I’m not the one you almost hit. Don’t apologise for bein’ angry, or feelin’ the way you do, but there’s no need to make your point with your fists.” She inhaled. “‘S not right to hit people just because you’re mad. Use your words- an’ not as a weapon, ” she added.
Jack nodded shamefacedly and turned gruffly to the Doctor. “I shouldn’t have….”
The Doctor shook his head, his eyes not leaving Rose for a second. “Forget it.”
Rose looked between the two of them, the seething swell of emotion- the panic, the fear, the anxiety and the very familiar loathing- rising in her throat. “Right,” she said faintly, needing to get away from their knowing gazes. “I’ll just…you two need to talk without me here. I’ll be in my room if you want me.”
And with that, she painstakingly made her way back to her room, unable to believe she’d cut in as she had, or that Jack had been so incensed on her behalf that he’d been about to to hit the Doctor- and that the Doctor had intended to let him. As sick as it made her to think of Jack hitting anyone out of anger, let alone the Doctor, his heated defense and his obvious care for her nonetheless warmed her in a way she couldn’t quite explain.
And the Doctor’s willingness to let himself be struck was both thrilling and terrifying, and she couldn’t bear to think of it any longer.
To her surprise, he came by with a tray not long afterwards. “Eat,” was all he said, his eyes soft. “Medications on the side, as usual.”
She nodded, unable to say a word.
It took her a few hours to manage to eat, rest, shower, rest and dress (really, it was ridiculous how often and how long she had to rest these days after any kind of exertion) before dragging herself to the library. The Doctor and Jack had joined her not long afterwards.
Whatever had passed between them, they’d appeared to have reached a truce of some kind and neither of them ever mentioned it again. Rose was glad.
It was enough.
***************************************************
Life had carried on in a strange, new normal after that. To her utter joy, Jack had told her he planned to stay on the TARDIS for some time, and after a quick trip back to his team to explain any potential absences (knowing the Doctor’s driving as they did), they were off. Oddly enough, Mickey had seemed to accept Jack’s return with no more than a “Oh, you’re back are you? Alright mate?” Thinking on it, Rose suspected that he liked having another person on the TARDIS with them, one who wasn’t caught up in this…whatever it was, between her and the Doctor.
And whatever it was was getting more and more intense by the day- but to her relief and utter amazement, the Doctor didn’t press her once. He didn’t push her to say a word, didn’t try to force her to say more than she was ready to, or confess to feelings she was beginning to suspect she’d never manage to shake.
Feelings she was in no way ready to face, yet.
They’d started travelling again, mostly to out of the way, isolated natural paradises as Rose slowly continued to regain her strength. She’d progressed from sitting on a blanket breathing in crisp, fresh air, TARDIS humming happily in the background and the Doctor standing watchfully behind her as Mickey and Jack scampered off to explore and swim (Jack always in the buff, and clearly enjoying Mickey’s spluttering protests and the Doctor’s gimlet glare when he ventured too close to Rose’s blanket), to slowly walking along flat, simple paths. She’d been thrilled when she’d graduated to short walks along the sand and along the cliff tops, the Doctor by her side every step of the way, wordlessly spreading the blue picnic blanket and watching her until she sat to rest, panting with exhaustion.
The only exception to their beach and mountain idylls in those months of recovery were the regular trips to the fifty-first century.
It had taken her many months to make her next, all-important decision, but she’d mustered every bit of her courage and during one of her nightly chats with the Doctor, had finally asked him for a name. He hadn’t blinked, and to her utter shock, had nonchalantly pulled what looked like an encyclopaedia out of his pocket, with what seemed to be the name of every trauma specialist who’d ever lived. After prolonged discussion, she’d decided against someone from her own time (there was far too much she’d have to hide in her sessions) and had chosen a renowned counsellor and highly specialised trauma doctor, from one of the most famous centres in the fifty-first century. Jack hadn’t blinked when he’d learned where they were going, and in view of his own missing history and trouble with the time agency, wisely chose to stay on board during her weekly visits. He had confirmed, however, that Professor Elpi Jiacj had been very highly regarded in his time.
Rose had found that very comforting, especially when, on the morning (she ignored the cheerful voice of the Doctor in her mind reminding her that there was no morning on the TARDIS) of her first appointment, she’d been so terrified that she’d had another panic attack. It had taken the Doctor an hour to calm her and slowly convince her to give the lady doctor a try. He’d sworn that if she didn’t like her, they’d find someone else. It had taken both the Doctor and Jack (who had assured her again and again that he didn’t think any less of her for either the panic attack or her fears) to eventually walk her out into the waiting room for her appointment.
She hadn’t known what to expect, but to her utter surprise, she’d found that Professor Jiacj (who insisted on being called Elpi) was nothing like what she’d expected. Despite the many medals and diplomas on her wall, the older woman had been kind and personable, and surprisingly easy to talk to, and Rose had been amazed at the other woman’s reaction when she’d finally managed to get why she was there. She’d expected the professor to respond with skepticism or doubt, or condemn Rose for the actions that had almost cost her her own life. She’d certainly expected some kind of dismissiveness or condescension at Rose’s humble background in comparison with her own illustrious pedigree. She’d expected, at the very least, the contempt she felt for herself every single day, for letting herself get into this situation, for almost killing herself through fear, for letting herself hope at any point that there could be anything between herself and someone like the Doctor, and ultimately, for allowing Jimmy to do to her what he had, and for thinking she deserved to ask for help.
But there had been none of that. Instead, the other woman accepted everything she said at face value. She’d never pushed Rose to reveal more than she was ready to, and asked sensitive, empathetic questions that seemed perfectly designed to draw no more from Rose than she was ready to give.
Most of all, without even knowing her, she’d treated Rose as though she wasn’t damaged beyond repair, as thought she mattered- as though her feelings and thoughts and actions mattered. Rose had been so shocked that, to her utter mortification she’d burst into tears. The Professor had responded kindly and with empathy, sensing (or perhaps used to) Rose’s embarrassment, waving off Rose’s apology, and telling her that she had every right to feel however she felt, and she should never apologise for it.
The idea was utterly shocking, to Rose, and yet, hearing it felt as though she were standing on a new road with the power of a jet-pack behind her, ready to blast off into the unknown.
By the end of that first session, Rose knew that she’d be back, and over the coming weeks and months (the Doctor brought her faithfully in what he called seven day-like but not weekly increments for what seemed to be months and months and months) she slowly came to understand what had happened to her and the effect it had had.
“It’s not your fault,” Elpi had told her, time and again. “It’s not your fault that Jimmy Stone chose to hurt and manipulate you. It’s not your fault that you didn’t realise that you were being groomed to accept abuse, or that you were being abused. His actions are his own, and only he is responsible for them. The only person whose actions you are responsible for are your own.”
It had been hard, was hard for Rose to accept that, because the hated voice was always in the back of her head, all too happy to remind her that she was worthless, that she deserved everything that had happened to her, and that it hadn’t been abuse at all, that she’d made him behave that way. But slowly, over time, she worked with Elpi to process the thoughts and triggers that gave it power, the professor working tirelessly to peel back the layers of trauma, and find each and every underlying cause, teaching Rose to process and manage them as they went.
Together, they’d worked through Rose’s account of her history with the Doctor, and his betrayal on the space station. They’d worked through questions of broken and restored trust, and whilst she didn’t (and couldn’t, as Rose later learned) fix Rose’s trust issues herself, she had given Rose the tools to rebuild her relationship with the Doctor and more importantly, with herself. Elpi had, to Rose’s utter shock, firmly agreed that Time Lord or not (something the other woman still marvelled over), Rose deserved to be treated with consideration and respect, and that avoidance was not an acceptable substitute for communication. She’d worked with her to reprogram and rebuild Rose’s perception of what a healthy relationship and self-perception should look like. They talked about Rose’s views of herself, and her own worth- her upbringing and childhood, her experiences, and things Rose hadn’t even thought would matter.
The sessions were demanding, and sometimes, particularly in the beginning, Rose was so tired afterwards that the Doctor would jump out of his chair in the waiting room and half carry her back to the TARDIS, where he’d put her straight to bed.
He was never far out of earshot, especially when the nightmares came.
Some sessions proved to be so exhausting that she wondered how mere words and thoughts could drain her this way. Elpi had assured her that it was normal and that it was a good sign that her trauma was slowly being processed, one piece at a time, and eventually, things had started to improve.
Having Jack nearby was a boon, and before she knew it, they’d fallen right back into their old, familiar pattern- sharing confidences and giggles, and fighting over the Poitan chocolate. He never pressed her to share, and listened when she did open up. He never called her stupid, or belittled anything she said. While he wasn’t Elpi and it wasn’t his job to fix her, it helped, somehow, to have her dearest friend in the world there to listen to the little bits and pieces she wanted to share and hold her hand during what had to be one of the most frightening and important experiences of her life.
Even better, he shared with her too, just as he’d done all those months ago when they’d travelled together with a gruff man in a leather jacket and a Northern accent. It meant so very much that he still treated her as an equal, that he shared his own troubles with her, and didn’t see her as some kind of basket mental case.
Mickey had been aware, of course in very general terms, of what was going on, but wisely, he chose not to comment, perhaps seeing, for the first time, that this was something he couldn’t share with her, and the best thing he could do was to simply be himself and be there.
As for the Doctor…
That was, perhaps, the most significant relationship of them all, and deep inside, Rose knew that it had always been so, that the Doctor wouldn’t have had the power to hurt her the way he had if he hadn’t mattered so much.
If Jack had been supportive then the Doctor seemed determined to prop her up himself, mentally as well as physically, and by sheer force of will if necessary. True to his word, he’d not shut her out again. He continued his meticulous care of her (long after she’d stopped needing it, in her opinion) and had continued to share more and more of his past with her, to share himself with her in a hundred little ways that meant more than all the grand declarations in the universe. He’d continued, each and every day, to show her how she mattered to him, and how important she was. He’d even suggested, after Rose had physically improved enough to avoid suspicion, a trip to visit Jackie, whenever Rose was so inclined, and all the very many doubts and fears that she battled on any given day couldn’t stand up to what she knew to be a selfless and deeply uncomfortable offer. She’d managed (barely) to smother her laugh at the pained expression on his face.
He’d told her more of his previous selves and even (grudgingly) permitted her to look through a photo album of his third self that the TARDIS had seen fit to leave in her room.
(He’d also permitted himself to whine incessantly at her laughter, and complain that if she was going to look at old photos, the least she could do was keep her giggles and opinions to herself.)
And slowly, she’d started to open up with him too- sharing more of herself, and feeling more comfortable in doing so, because in spite of herself, she’d been able to see more and more of her Doctor and less of the selfish, frightened man he’d been.
She was still terrified.
However, all in all, she’d felt better with him- more of the easy comfort and camaraderie they’d always shared and less of the recent tension and suspicion. That’s not to say it all vanished overnight and everything was picture perfect, nor was she ready to share everything with him, but it was better, and slowly but surely, it was getting better and better all the time.
She was learning to trust him again, as he was trusting her.
It would take time, but they were going to be alright.
****************************************
The first time she realised that she trusted him was several months after Jack had come on board. The Doctor had promised to take them to get chips after her most recent session with Elpi, and instead of taking her to her favourite little chippy in London, he’d landed them on an alien planet in the year six thousand and forty-three. Mickey and Jack had scarpered off into the bustling town to see what kind of trouble they could get into, while the Doctor stood smirking at her, one brow raised questioningly.
“You coming then Rose? Thought you wanted chips.”
“I do want chips.” She folded her arms and arched her own brow. “Do they even have chips here?”
“Course they do!” He sounded offended. “D’you think I’d promise you chips and then leave you high and dry?”
“Cardiff instead of Naples ring a bell? London instead of New York, and no Elvis?”
“Yes, yes, alright, fine.” He pouted. “There may have been a few instances of…miscalculation, but this time, I mean it! We’re exactly where and when I want us to be.”
“Which is where?”
“Wooble!”
“Do what?”
“Wooble, Rose! We’re on the planet Wooble, in the capital city Wooble.”
Her jaw dropped. “You’re jokin’. Wasn’t that a joke from-”
“Blackadder Goes Forth! Yes!” He beamed. “The entire planet was named by Rowan Atkinson’s estate about a thousand years after his death- they thought it’d be a right laugh to name it Wooble.” He sucked his upper lip. “There may also have been copious amounts of hypervodka involved.”
“I can’t…that’s ridiculous! I can’t believe we’re on Wooble.” She shook her head. “But why are we here to get chips?”
“Because Stephen Fry insisted on building a chippie here, of course. Liked a nibble whenever he came for a visit.”
“ Stephen Fry?”
“Yep!” The Doctor popped his p so loudly that passers by looked askance at them. “Stephen Fry the Sixty-Third, that is. Descendent of a hundredth cousin thrice removed of the original Stephen Fry, or something like that.”
“Right,” she said faintly. “Course he is. An’ so this Stephen Fry decided he wanted chips?”
“Yep, he’s famous for his love affair with the humble potato.” The Doctor waggled his eyebrows. “In a manner of speaking. Managed to hitch a ride with a Time Agent by mistake, ended up on earth in your time, and the Vortex manipulator burnt out (you really can’t trust those things, Rose). He wandered into a chip shop while he was waiting for rescue and the rest, as they say, is history.” He paused. “Or the future, depending on which way you look at it.”
“Course it is.” She shook her head. “So how come we’rehere for chips, though?”
The Doctor grinned cheekily. “Because there’s something I want to show you here. And their chips are tasty. Thought we could kill the two birds with one stone.”
She cocked her head. “What are we lookin’ at, then?”
“Ah-ah, that’s a surprise.” He bounced on his toes, looking enormously pleased with himself. “You’ll have to close your eyes- no peeking!- and walk where I tell you. Can you do that Rose?”
“Yeah, but…”
“No buts! Close those curious eyes, Rose, and off we go!”
She rolled her eyes before covering them with one hand. “Thought I was gettin’ chips, yeah?”
“You will! You’ll just have to trust me in the meantime.”
“Course I do, you plum, “ she said without thinking, her breath catching at his sudden exhale.
“Right,” he said a moment later, his voice sounding slightly unsteady. “Surprise first and then chips. Come on, give me your hand, Rose.”
She swallowed, trying not to dwell on the suddenly heavy atmosphere, and gave him her right hand, keeping her left firmly across her eyes.
“You’d better not let me fall on my face,” she muttered.
“I won’t!” he’d chirped as he’d led her along. “Trust me.”
And to her utter shock, she realised that she did.
Oh, she was still afraid of being hurt, afraid that somehow, he might see what she saw when she looked at herself instead of whatever he saw now. She was afraid that opening up, that trusting him that little bit more would somehow end in pain. She was still afraid that he might meet someone better, someone more, and love them instead. Because how could he not, when she was what she was?
But in spite of all that, at this moment, she knew that she trusted him more than her fear. She knew that she believed him when he said he loved her, that he’d prove to her that he’d never abandon her again.
And that alone was more than she’d thought she could ever give again.
“Right, stop there.”
His voice pulled her from her reverie. “Can I open my eyes now?”
“Yep!” Another loudly popped ‘p’- he sounded very pleased with himself. “Go ahead.”
Slowly removing her hand, she blinked. “Right, what am I…oh my God. Is that what I think it is?”
“Yep!” He practically quivered with happiness. “A genuine Barcelonian-inspired dog-tree- complete with dog-shaped leaves-”
“-with no noses!” she finished, unable to believe what she was seeing, tears pricking at her eyes. “You meant it!”
“Of course I meant it! Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because trees don’t usually have leaves shaped like dogs with no noses!” She turned to stare at him. “I thought you were havin’ me on.”
“Well, I wasn’t.” He folded his arms. “It’s genetically modified to produce the er, dog-esque effect. Bloke who did it ended up making a fortune- made trees with all kinds of leaves.”
She nodded, unable to speak, overcome as she was by a wave of mixed emotions because the Doctor had promised to bring her here to show her this ridiculous tree- back when he’d worn leather and blue eyes instead of pinstripes and brown. It had been a throwaway comment, made during a laughing moment she’d not taken seriously at all, nor even thought he remembered.
Only he had. And he’d brought her here to show her.
She took a deep breath, and another, reaching out to caress the rough leaves to soothe her nerves.
Because he’d remembered.
Because he’d allowed himself to remember.
Because he’d made a point of bringing her and acting as though hehad made this promise, not a ‘previous him’.
And because she’d simply thought of him as ‘The Doctor’ who’d promised her a ridiculous tree.
“Did you mean it?” he asked suddenly, making her jump.
“Mean what?”
“What you said before, back at the TARDIS?”
She exhaled. She did, she knew she did. But was she ready to tell him? Could she tell him?
However, seeing his hopeful expression, she knew the time had come. He’d given her so much over the past months, cared so much and been as good as his word.
He’d loved her, did love her and even if she wasn’t ready to admit the precisely the same, to show him everything, she knew it was past time that she told him- and that he saw and understood everything that would come with it, with her, everything she’d told the past him. Everything he’d hidden from himself until she was ready to share it.
Well, almost everything.
She took a deep breath to still her fear. Would he still want her after he saw how broken she was? How damaged? Would he want to stay when he understood just how deep the damage and hurt had run?
“Rose?” His hopeful gaze soothed her a little and added a fierce hope into the swell of emotion. Because hadn’t he stayed through the worst? Hadn’t he come to find her when she wouldn’t wake? Hadn’t he told her he loved her in the face of her open suspicion and distrust? And- her heart warmed- hadn’t he stayed by her side through it all since? No matter how quiet or suspicious or panicked or sick or anxious she’d been, he’d been there. Why would he turn from her now?
She had to trust him. Perhaps not with that last, final declaration of her feelings (and the sharing of self she’d shared with his previous self in her mind), not yet, but with the truth of what had happened in her mind, of everything she’d said and suffered. He deserved to know as much; he’d earned it and it was time she repaid his trust in kind.
She took a deep breath, terrified and spoke the pass-phrase. “I…I trust you.”
He froze for an endless moment, brown eyes wide as the memories were released and she held her breath. Would he turn from her or would he look at her differently? Would he run?
He did neither.
Instead, a slow smile spread across his face, his brown eyes looking oh so familiar as they swirled with an intensity that she knew and loved, whether the eyes were blue or brown, even if she wasn’t ready to admit it even to herself just yet.
To her surprise, he held out his hand. “I want chips,” was all he said, watching her intently.
“Bring your wallet this time?” was all she trusted herself to say, feeling as though the breath had been stolen from her lungs.
“Might’ve done. And I could be induced to share.” He fixed her with an intense look that said things she wasn’t ready to hear, just now, wasn’t sure she could take. “Better with two,” was all he said, watching her intently.
And with a deep draw on courage she didn’t know she had, she took a deep breath and placed her hand in his.
“Better with two.”
His eyes glowed. “Brilliant. Allons-y!”
And with that, they walked off into…possibility.
And hope.
Things weren’t perfect. She still had a lot to process, and frankly, so did he. She wasn’t ready to share herself with no holds barred, yet, and maybe neither was he- not this him, at any rate. But she was Rose Tyler and he was the Doctor, and together they were Rose Tyler and the Doctor in the TARDIS.
As it should be.
Fin
