#antipsychotics
update
started med school
fuck the french education system, we’re 1900 ppl in my year 460 will make it into medicine next year
got admitted to the psych ward twice, got stitches
changed treatments and shrinks numerous amounts of times
dude im tired i fail at everything i cant study i cant stay healthy i cant function normally unless im doped up, even then gotta take my anxios or brain go :
- command : delete
smoll rant
i hate taking antidepressants and antipsychotics bc they make me feel like i’ve been hit by a truck at full speed and soooo numb and tired but when i don’t take them i still feel numb and tired but with less hours of sleep
that’s literally all the difference they make antidepressants and antipsychotics just help me kind of sleep so if that’s all it does and nothing about my mood like IT SHOULD then i should just take sleeping pills instead lmfao they’re cheaper and more available
The time has finally come. I’m now in the pre-order stage of my memoir. If you can contribute it would be the world to me. Please share this with everyone you know, and please, reblog. My story is important to me and I believe meaningful to many others. Thank you so much in advance!
My book is available for preorder!
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Despite these wild times, I am still on track to publish my first book. It’s an incredible and difficult experience, writing about your own life, and remaining honest forces you to confront yourself on many levels.
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DIARY OF SUZIE Q
Monday 17th December 2018
(10)
3:46// taken 2
3:53// sleepy
4:03// my back hurts so much
4:06// fuck it imma sleep sorry for a shot dorat
DIARY OF SUZIE Q
Sunday 16th December 2018
(9)
03:55// just taken 2 Squirrels
03:57// side not quetiapine has the side effect of increased appetite and causes weight gain and I have felt like I’ve put some weight on lately and it has been bothering me
04:00// I’m sleepy I should sleep but Netflix man
04:07// very sleepy
4:20// oh would you look at the time
04:30// I’m hella bored
04:35// tired and bored and lonely
04:51// sleepy time soon
04:54// I’m really struggling to breathe kinda feels like asthma erm heart rate Herron fastght getting faster but dr said it’s not the pills it’s anxiety but eyes closed beryls very sleepy now so I think I may head to skedp sleep now sweet dreams
05:02// my heart is beating so fast feels like a heart attack, I’m hella scared teeing to breath
DIARY OF SUZIE Q
Thursday 13th December 2018
(8)
22:22// so tonight I’ll be back on seroquel, last night I was on tramadol and ended up vomiting, it always makes me sick I don’t know why I bother… but I have recently joined a drug support team to help me and set up a sober clock and so far I have been clean from codeine for 3 days, heroin for 4 days, and Xanax for 17 days, so starting from today I will be looking to stop all drugs and try and stay clean and just have my Squirrels from the doctor
00:16// just taken 2 pills - 50mg
00:26// mad headache
00:29// I feel so sick and dizzy but I think it’s still from yesterday ugh
01:03 :: noddin
01:05/: wayching neo yokio and eating smax smacks
1:23// light headed
1:35// so fucking sleepy
00:1:45// nodding out
1:58// nodding to sleep
DIARY OF SUZIE Q
Wednesday 12th December
(7)
01:28// haven’t taken them in a few days, yesterday I had a 3 of Lean instead… just got off the phone with my girl/exgirl and we’re good but I’m just overthinking so many things so hopefully these will help stop that tonight
01:37// just taken 2 pills 50mg
01:57// sleepy and slow but was sleepy before so dunno
2:17// I enjoy this food
02:33// feeling wavy asfuxk
2:37:: eyes low hungry as fuckeru screen bright ah
2:51// o want Chinese food I’m so hungry
2:52// fuck do food slfroyvd I’m so sleepy n out of it. Can’t hrrok keep eyes open gonna sleep blessed adding sleep noecas nose as now as can’t keep eyes sfr open
DIARY OF SUZIE Q
Sunday 9th December 2018
(6)
03:00// I wasn’t going to take any suzie tonight but started overthinking and getting sad again :/
03:03// sad vibes
03:09// horny smh
03:22// feel chill
3:29// I really want more hard drugs :(
3:33// feeling sleepy and my eyes are heavy
3:43// sleepy and just eh… tired yeahuhhh
3:53// one more episode then sleep but still hungry and horny but most of all I’m so thirsty I want lean ughhhh
4:19// time to sleep
4:20// goodnight.
DIARY OF SUZIE Q
Saturday 8th December 2018
(5)
23:30// just taken 2 Squirrels
23:43// eating
23:57// cold and still sonhun
Cold and still so hungry but I’ve ate so much
00:02// very slow, felt out of it for a second, went really slow but I’m ok kinda sleepy
00:16// bored, it hasn’t done shit
00:28// eyes tyong
00:28// eyes sting, breathing slow
00:33// struggling to breathe
00:40// really finding it hard to breathe
00:49// I’m tired and sleepy but scared I’ll die in my sleep
01:23// just had a cigarette, feel a bit better but still hard to breathe
DIARY OF SUZIE Q
Friday 7th December 2018
(4)
2:22// so I haven’t taken my dose tonight, all day I have felt weird and very angry and very aggressive and very paranoyand very anxious I don’t know if it’s these pills but I’m going to crack a NOS balloon now then after take me dose and if I feel this way tomorrow I will conclude it’s because of these pills, let’s see
3:25am// just taken the 2 pills 50mg Squirrels, I’ve been so depressed and anxious today it’s unreal and just had 2 balloons… fucking love balloons man
3:33// sad vibes.
3:39// I don’t feel shit.
3:51// I let my ex back in and I feel like I’m going to be heartbroken again
3:51// I can’t even English right now my eyes hurts like they sting n ears tuning toning if fuck ringing. Eyes sting bad and it’s almost 4 am and kinda tired but very hungry and scared about work fuck I’m so anxious.
3:53// sleepy af but also not sleepy af uno
4:09// ex on the phone, so sleepy ugh fml
4:18:/ ducking delos feels like Xanax ugh my legs so sleepy fuck ugh sleep time human du yin maybe for
4:20// ayyyy
4:21// ahhwww
4:22// I feel so sick and judtbdkellyr sleepy
4:23// writing watbtoncdc q
Wqyvtib
Fuck
Writing
Way
To hard
Hoofnightbf
Goofnight
DIARY OF SUZIE Q
Thursday 6th December 2018
(3)
23:32// just taken 2 50mg
23:40// feel a bit lightheaded.. but dizzy
23:41// can’t function very well
23:50// sleepy, hungry and horny
23:58// kinda feel glued here
00:00// sleepy baby
00:03// masturbate, eat, sleep, then yeet
00:26// ugh kinda feel out of it ugh yeah
00:26// that felt a while but I got snaxxx
00:45// fuck still hungry smh.
00:46// sleepy eyes heavy
01:00// I fucking hate humans, like why are people so horrible ? Honestly what is the point in giving someone hate, like you get nothing out of it ? It feels like fucking petty high school bullshit
01:03// sleepy and angry
01:04// I want something harder
01:09// I’m so angry. I’m so sleep. Eyes low. Bearing breathing Los. Low. So angry fucking cunts. Eyes eyes sting ugh I want to die so bad.
01:11// I’m sad.
0:1:28// fuck it I’m gonna sleep. Goodnight
DIARY OF SUZIE Q
Wednesday 5th December 2018
(2)
02:32// Day 2 of Suzie Q peach pill E52, just taken the pill now.
02:48// no noticeable affects but kinda tired
03:09// some stupid bitch just really pissed me off talking about something she has no idea about, fyi if you’re not black then don’t fucking debate your opinion on black topics, it has nothing to do with you, and cultural appropriation is wrong, wether you think so or not, your opinion is not valid or welcome here, ugh she made me mad but fuck it
03:18// sleepy af. This diary has. Erm been kinda shit ago so I’m siomrry ugh I’m sorry. Eyes hurts. Kinda seems like just had a rant then left
3:19:: lock ugh lock lock my lock lock
Never mind.
3:26// wanting someone to love me
3:26:: sad.
3:26// still sad.
3:26// my tummy hurts I’m so hungry.
3:27/: sigh.
3:28// playing good music, going to sleep, that concludes this diary, sorry it was kinda shit, until next time, it’s yaaaa boy, skinny …. ;)
DIARY OF SUZIE Q
Tuesday 4th December 2018
(1)
23:33// Tuesday 4th December, I am sober and have been given Quetiapine (Suzie Q) for my EUPD (BPD) 25mg for the first 2 days then 50mg for the next 5 days, just a journal to log if it helps or has any effects :)
23:42// just taken it now
23:47// first noticeable effect very quick in 5 minutes just felt very slow, hard to move my head, still myself my head just feels heavyish
23:55// I just feel normal, slightly more relaxed
00:15// I feel slightly more anxious
00:17// I want something stronger.. sigh.
00:29// I feel sleepy
00:51// real fucking hungry and sleepy
01:00// feels like a VERY mild benzo effect
01:11// I feel very slowed down, nodding hard as fuck
01:12// got food
01:12// I feel wavy, feeling feels kinda like Xanax as in slow nodding etc but kinda like opioids with the way I’m nodding and just out of it, fuck it feels nice it’s been about just under 2 hours since I took it and feel wavy
01:14// wow very wavy, I love Suzie Q ! Not as strong as Xanax but still nice ! And this is a very very low dose of suzie so it’s nice it’s hitting me well
01:15// I read somewhere that if you stay up after you feel sleepy you black out and forget kinda like Xanax so I’m on episode 19 season 7 of my show Incase I forget
01:54// sleep time now
09:05// just woke up from a horrible dream I was home with my mom and it was my birthday and we got into a fight and she was was different her eyes were black as if she was soulless and after the fight she trashed my room, took everything I loved and put it into a black bag, removed everything and kept saying the most hurtful words and we kept fighting then she drove away and abandoned me, but I could tell from the way she spoke it wasn’t her
12:44// so very briefly I was on a school bus (in the dream) and had a small amount of heroin and the teacher accused me of selling heroin (without knowing I even had anything on me) then turns out he is also in the military then were at a school and me and all my class mates are fighting him and his swat team and we blow them all up and the school kinda then we all go to a tgifridays party in the woods all lit up like a theme park then we move to another part of the theme park and I sit down in a group and we have to discuss what’s troubling us and the things we take (substance abuse) to stop things from troubling us and I explain and talk about my drug abuse but I tell the woman about it while the whole time I’m talking in mandarin so yeah another weird dream.
PSA: certain medications (e.g. some antipsychotics and antidepressants) make you overheat more easily and/or sweat a lot! be careful this summer and make sure to hydrate and stay cool.
