zakioyamdreameristransinclusive:

marsup:

one time in high school my french teacher told the class that his grandmother died and a kid in the class said “je regrette :(“ and the french teacher burst out laughing and was like “you’re gonna wanna say desolé in this context because je regrette means like…. my bad”

You’re laughing, he confessed to your grandmothers murder and you’re laughing.

Renaissance is up to chapter 6!

Teddy Swims is one of my favorite singers. The way he emotes his face as he sings is so soothing to watch. Even when he’s comedically acting on the “My Bad” video, you can see his lips emote ever so sexily. And not to mention he has a melodic voice sent from the Heavens. 21 hours from now (4/22 @ 9pm PST), his new music video for his song “Bed On Fire” premieres on YouTube! Can’t wait.

Kanato is serious about his sweets! Love how all he did was slap some pigtails on! He didn’t even change clothes (he did put on a tie but…)!

He needs another “girl” to get into the event… Carla better run XD

making earnest destiel amvs after three months of absolutely hating on the ship. my bad friends

The tiny frog post and the replies on it have a very different energy

DyakahfkagZ

I forgot Folklore Friday

In my defense, I was mostly doing Easter prep stuff that day and wasn’t home

I’ll try to put the missing Folklore Friday up this week

My NYE reflection post is usually a summary of the people I’ve fucked, the sexual discoveries I had, and the humorous and memorable dates I went on. Not so much this year.

I’m going to keep this year’s thoughts a bit shorter, but for my own sake, I want these memories and reflections recorded.

• My resolution for 2020 was to begin seeing a therapist again. And HOLY FUCK, I have never been more thankful for a new year’s resolution. 
• While many spent spring complaining about their roommates and families not giving them enough space, I was challenged with the opposite. The days were spent in the small walls of my apartment, endless isolation, and swallowing the fact that I was thousands of miles away from nearly everyone I loved. 
• There was a 4.5 month period where I did not seeanother person beyond the cashiers at the grocery store. I think that was the worst of it. 
• I’ve said it before, but 2020 was a year focused on survival for me. My sexuality took a backseat as I tried to figure out how to stop my anxiety from taking over my every thought. The only reason I took my box of sex toys out of the closet was to take photos for you fine folks. 
• L cared for me through the worst of it as best as he could. Grateful.
• L and I struggled. We continue to struggle. There is a border that separates us, and a global pandemic is an extraordinarily bad time to be in a multi-country LDR. So often I want to give up. 
• I made progress despite it all. I cut out a lot of toxic people. Stopped allowing people into my life as back-ups in case of failed love and loneliness. I learned to better control my anger. To think before I snap. I started to be content in my own presence. I made commitments to my decisions and followed through. 
• I made some pretty big life changes. Changes that give me a bit more hope for the future and for myself. There’s no quick fix to anxiety, depression.. or a global pandemic, but I feel a little less lost among the chaos than I did in May. 
• Forgiveness was the focal point of my year. Forgiving myself on the bad days, forgiving L when he hits his breaking points, and forgiving everyone I come across who is probably struggling as much as I am. 
• In conclusion:I was not sexually touched by another person for the entirety of 2020. File under things I did NOT think I’d be saying in my 20s, but YA KNOW WHAT? I ALSO DIDN’T THINK I’D BE LIVING THROUGH A GLOBAL PANDEMIC.
  

I’m spending New Year’s alone, but I’ve gotten better at being alone this year. I hope you’re okay, getting fucked if you are lucky enough to have spent the year with a partner, eating good food, feeling the sunshine on your skin, and smiling at the small things. 

There were times this year that this blog and the people it connected me to gave me the comfort I was desperate for. Thank you for that. Sincerely.

For the love of god, I better get fucked in 2021. 

misssmeat:

The number of times I’ve casually opened my blog while at the grocery store and scrolled my own nudes in public is FAR TOO HIGH.

did this in the doctor’s waiting room yesterday oops

Gay culture is going through a novel and tagging all the gay shit.

figures they’d combine the groups for the next phase. shelby being the plant this time around actually makes sense given that she can openly be a lesbian and not have to deal with her family’s and community’s homophobia. it’s perfectly understandable in her case why she would want the project to continue. lastly, gretchen needs her ass beat. don’t know how many more times i can say that.

gif credit: @vakariaan​

tw/ sexual assault, abuse, depression, suicide, julia quinn’s writing 

AN: Okay, so I said awhile ago I would explain why Phillip and Eloise are my favorite couple in the series so get ready…it’s a bit of a long one. 

I read four Bridgerton books immediately after the show ended. Skipping over The Duke and I because I wasn’t comfortable with the assault scene between Simon and Daphne and also because I had already seen the romance play out onscreen. I fell in love with each romance I encountered, mainly because I didn’t read them as they were but as the show would make them out to be. I romanticized a romance series as weird as that sounds. Yet, none of the romances struck me the way To Sir Phillip, With Love did.

It’s not a perfect book. In fact, it’s incredibly problematic. Phillip rapes his depressed wife, Marina (although given Julia’s history with crossing the lines of consent I doubt this is the way she wanted us to interpret the scene. Actually, the way it was written made it seem like we were meant to sympathize with Phillip and his loveless marriage. Hence the way he immediately grows ill afterward.) Marina attempts suicide and dies due to disease later on. Given her storyline in the show and the fact that a young biracial woman is playing her was disheartening, to say the least.

(AN: I don’t consider the character to be Black representation, she’s biracial. As a black woman who enjoyed her character and arc, no part of me felt seen and represented through her because she was half black. She’s Biracial rep, not Black rep and that’s okay. Just putting that out there. )

Phillip seeks a woman to take care of his children, fuck and do the shit he doesn’t want to do. His mental illness is handled in such a shitty way. The independent nature Eloise once has is almost stifled by Phillip and what he wants for some reason. He’s neglectful, erratic and he does dismiss potential negative feelings Eloise could have in their relationship because of his past relationship.

It’s fucked up. The entire book.

And yet, imagining how this problematic romance would play out on screen once properly adapted for modern audiences makes me fucking giddy. All because of one, simple thing that remains the reason I am so fucking excited to see this pairing onscreen.

The unrealized potential the pairing and Phillip as a character have in the novel.

Let me explain.

Their romance is unique. Phillip and Eloise are not strangers when they meet. They’ve been writing to each other for months, picking each other’s brains every week or so. Getting to know each other in a way that other couples in the series don’t at first. Intellectually. They’re able to keep such a steady, enthralling dialogue through letters, and it’s a friendship that they both enjoy. Phillip stimulates Eloise’s mind, something the show has emphasized her wanting, for months. He’s her intellectual equal, or at least…he has the potential to be. Of course, he slaves over the letters (which is cute as fuck because he really just wants her to like him) but it’s still his words. It’s his voice. It is Phillip, at his best.

I hope the show can play this up. Phillip is a botanist and a scholar before he inherits his family’s estate. Eloise has a desire to learn and further her knowledge of the world around her. Bonding over their shared love of education, fun banter based around teasing the other and their individual studies, taking an interest in what the other desires to learn.  Reading books together in the greenhouse, etc. The show could easily play up the fact that Phillip was not only a gardener but a literal man of science, something Julia neglects in their book despite it having the possibility of playing a major factor in their love story.

The possibilities of it just…makes me swoon.

Moving on, Eloise choosing to pursue a possible future with this man is a big fucking deal. Running away from home to go after a future for herself IS her displaying her OWN agency. Sure, Phillip poses the question of it but she’s the one who chooses it. Phillip doesn’t demand her to come to him, he simply suggests it and she’s the one who acts. The one who pursues. And if they hadn’t been bombarded by her brothers, it would’ve remained her choice of whether or she wanted to be a part of this man’s life permanently.

Phillip wouldn’t have forced her, he could’ve easily tried to. By going to the Bridgerton house and discussing with Anthony the possibility of marrying her but no, he asks her. HE ASKS HER AND SHE CHOOSES. I fucking love that. It’s like the bare minimum but given the time period and the number of couples where the man has the final say on the marriage, this just makes me giddy. The show could change this and give Eloise more time with Phillip to the point where she chooses him and isn’t forced into the marriage which I hope they do.

Also, their first meeting where neither one of them is what the other expects sounds amazing ngl. The initial confusion, shock, unease, and undeniable attraction, it’s gonna serve why lie?

Despite how much it affects him, the subject of Phillip’s abuse is handled so…wrong. As someone who shares an experience with abusive parents, I understand the fear of becoming like them. Of hurting the ones you love and being angry and feeling guilty. Yet, Phillip never confronts these fears. Not really. Sure, we get the scene in the nursery but thinking of how the show could handle it and his relationship with his children makes me excited. Having him being neglectful of his children was the wrong move, especially if his fear is hurting them in an attempt to discipline them. It’s clear he loves them and ultimately wants the best for them which is why he’s searching for someone to better take care of them despite the shitty bitch he already has hired. I hope the show capitalizes on that.

Have Phillip be involved but not a disciplinary figure. Yeah, I get that he’s the man or whatever but it’s clear that Phillip finds no enjoyment in the act or even pondering it. But he does love his kids. Have him be overwhelmed but still involved. It just felt weird that Phillip didn’t want anything to do with his kids despite one of his main reasons to look for a wife was so that they could be properly taken care of. Have him try but struggle. A lot.

It’d be funny to see Oliver and Amanda running the house and Phillip struggling to keep up. They’re supposed to be mischievous, they should play that up in the show. Having the kids be little gremlins but instead of him ignoring them completely, he could just give in to their whims. And when his anger does get the best of him, then he could run. Be distant, wrestle with his internal struggle with abuse but also knowing he can’t let his kids run his household like this and go about as reckless as they do.

Speaking of abuse, I hope they scrap the nursery lady altogether. I know it’s supposed to show him stepping into dad mode but it just felt like unnecessary and triggering of his own child abuse. He could easily step into this role by learning to deal with his anger, learning to control it. Eloise could suggest journaling the way she does (another bonding moment that could be less cute and more intimate if done right.) Having him put his anger into gardening, I interpreted it as it being a safe place and coping mechanism for him in the book and that would be nice to see.

Having to finally put an end to his kids’ tirade once he learns to trust himself and realize that he’s nothing like his father. Actual healing from childhood trauma and Eloise helping him do so. She could also suggest boxing with her brothers like…it just makes sense. As someone with a temper, boxing helped me sort through that and the opportunity to see Phillip and Simon bonding, while boxing, over their shitty dads, sounds pretty fucking cathartic (and hot).

I would just like the show to truly show that just because you’ve dealt with abuse doesn’t mean you have to be defined and like your abuser. Phillip is a pretty great candidate for it because the guy is…scarred, to say the least.

I love the physical side of Phillip and Eloise’s relationship. Like really love, it’s said that they try different things and are comfortable in that regard with each other and it just…yeah, that makes me happy. Besides that, I hope they play up the intellectual side of their relationship. Two nerds in love are adorable and imagining Phillip ranting about plants and Eloise just being completely enthralled at this man and his passion sounds like the cutest fucking shit.

Speaking of intellectual, it’s implied Phillip cares little about high society. Meaning, wouldn’t he care even less about societal expectations and norms? Meaning Eloise would literally find freedom with this man to just…do her. Despite the book showing how Phillip wants a wife, it never really says that he cares exactly how that wife maintains herself or their household. Eloise wants to fuck around and wear trousers? He doesn’t care. Eloise wants a private tutor and a study for herself? Cool. Eloise wants to take Amanda riding in the forest and then teach her how to shoot? All good. The man was literally proud to watch her beat her brothers in a traditionally masculine sport. He wants his wife to run his house and his entire life how she sees fit.

Julia really neglected how much agency and power that could give Eloise. She could be his equal, like really be his equal. Of course, Phillip becoming more involved in his and his children’s lives is a part of his arc but nothing leads me to believe he would want to control Eloise. The two of them being more than just lovers, but partners who allow the other their freedoms when needed sounds epic as shit.

Now some things that could easily be left out, the rape scene. It’s there to showcase that Phillip has lost his wife and there is no chance of reigniting whatever they may have had in the past. Yet, there are so many other ways to show that. Phillip could try and speak with her with no response. Hold her hand and she pulls away? He’s a smart man, it doesn’t take much to get the hint so that could’ve easily been written out and replaced with something else.

Second of all, I like the possibility of Marina and Phillip finding happiness at first. Of them trying to love each other after George and succeeding. The way Marina is written in the show, I doubt she’s quick to give up. So to see the two of them having an agreeable marriage and getting along would be nice. They could showcase her mental illness in a different form, it’s clear she suffers from postpartum depression. She withdraws into herself, distances herself from her children. She’s depressed but it’s not as stereotypical and easily spotted as Julia makes it out to be. Marina just gives up on her children and life without any fight? Absolutely not.

As someone who suffers from depression, the way Julia wrote it is so…??? The truth is, I would like Phillip and their family to not even realize she’s suicidal. To not see it coming when she jumps in the lake and attempts to end her own life because that’s exactly how suicide impacts so many people and their loved ones. They don’t see it coming. Phillip struggling with the guilt of that rather than the anger of being trapped in a loveless marriage sounds…a lot more interesting to me. Me, personally. Considering how much buzz the show has, it would spark up a dialogue and a good one if handled properly. I’ve thought a lot about Marina but this is just how I would prefer to see it handled if they go through with her canon death (which I am not actively rooting for by the way.)

Another reason I like the potential of Philloise is Oliver and Amanda, they just add some extra spice. If fully realized characters, watching them grow closer to their dad and form a relationship with Eloise would be so rewarding for two kids who have lost a lot. Also, the amount of comedic gold in their pranks with Eloise and dynamic with each other would give the season even more humor on top of Eloise herself.

And as much as I love the line, “this-us-is heaven.” They could easily modify the love speech. Like very easily.

My point is, I think their potential outweighs the problematic factors in their story and I doubt the show will fail on realizing it and ridding itself of the problematic aspects. One could even say they already started, I mean look at the way the show made a point to show Eloise’s disgust with fathers and husbands who abandon their family, and then comes Phillip, doing the absolute most to protect his remaining family. I mean, Bridgerton did turn the weakest romance in the series into a whole pop culture phenomenon. My hopes are high. Okay, that’s all.