#naruto shitpost

Gaara: “A soul needs a purpose to live and so I concluded that my purpose was to kill everyone besides myself. I felt alive.”

Everyone trynna hit:NOOOOOOO✨✨

Sasuke is a sassy independent man who don’t need no village.

You know how some people in the fandom shrug off Naruto’s crush on Sakura like, “it was just a dumb crush” no big deal? But these same people take Sakura’s childhood crush on Sasuke seriously like it’s this deep long-lasting love. But Naruto’s feelings? No importante.

That’s not how it works.

Realistically, your 12-year-old crushes are superficial. Usually you just find this person cute and think in a selfish mindset what they can do for you - how winning them can up your social status (Sakura vying to be popular/better than Ino) or self-esteem (Naruto not wanting to be seen as a loser).

What I’m saying is, logically, anyone who watched this show should fall into 2 camps of thought.

• A. if one interprets Sakura’s crush for Sasuke seriously - like it’s the real deal long-term ride or die shit, then you have to by the fucking transitive property of narrative logic, treat Naruto’s crush on Sakura in the same vein
  
• B. if one interprets it as: Naruto had a crush on Sakura but it means nothing in the grand scheme of things, like it holds no candle to the real shit™ honest to god committed long-term romance (so he can be conveniently paired off with Hinata), then for fuck’s sake treat Sakura’s crush on Sasuke the exact same way

My take is that these crushes were a by-product of Naruto and Sakura’s struggles with self-esteem in early academy days.

Yes, their crushes evolved over time as the story progressed and they matured. Only bad writing had Sakura’s crush grow into this unhealthy infatuation, to the point of reality-bending denial, because imo the way it’s shown is still childish - heavily skewed towards how she feels about this man. (As a 12 yr old? cute. As a grown woman? yikes.)

Naruto’s crush on Sakura turned into a healthy friendship, full of mutual support and funny antics. Apart from lighthearted flirting, he doesn’t fixate on pursuing Sakura anymore. Sure, he likes her and asked her out for lunch a few times but in the chapters after the time skip I never got the impression that he was that serious about her.

What kills me about all this is how some people look so hard for a legit romance and reach so much to squeeze it out of these 2 crushes that imo neither grew into anything you can really work with. NaruSaku had potential because it’s a close friendship but was totally negated by the trainwreck of whatever Sakura thinks she has with Sasuke.

imagineyouricon:

Imagine your icon being your therapist

So genin Sasuke as my therapist… O hell I’d be laughing while crying while whispering under my breath, sweet summer child NO

Naruto: your honor, you don’t have all the facts!

Judge: which are?

Naruto:I LOVE HIM

Sasuke:

Kakashi: and he’s literally too strong for anyone to keep under control

Naruto: except me

Kakashi: except him

—

Sasuke: I don’t respect any of you people

Naruto: except me?

Sasuke: …except him

Kishimoto: *blows bet*

Seishi: Good job, idiot. How are you ever going to write a gay manga without ever using the word ‘gay’ outright?

Kishimoto:

If the Boruto era is a fake reality created by the infinite tsukuyomi, then who’s dream are we seeing?

There’s only one person who benefits from the situation in Boruto.

Orochimaru.

1. Who gets to roam free despite all his crimes? Orochimaru.
2. Who gets a experiment (Mitsuki) to do with as he pleases? Orochimaru.
3. Who is now seen as this “iconic” non-binary comic relief who attends parent-teacher conferences?Orochimaru.
4. Who gets his prisoners (Karin/Sui/Juugo) to go back to work for him, their abuser?Orochimaru.
5. Who would NOT want the village systems to change – no reforms, reparations, or justice? Who would be delighted to see the Hokage accomplish nothing, except for technological advancements? Orochimaru.
6. Who hates Kohoha and wants to see it in rubble?Orochimaru.
   
7. Who would arbitrarily make male/female pairs breed in the same year so their offspring are all the same age? Orochimaru.
8. Who would pair Naruto with Hinata for their “OP genetic baby” potential? Orochimaru.
9. Who obesses over childrens’ potential and power-levels? (= Boruto genin are ridiculously OP) Orochimaru.
10. Who has a brilliant mind for genetics and inventions like ninja tech? Oro-chi-ma-ru.
11. Who would be petty enough to give everyone the shittiest haircut? Orochimaru.
12. Who is cuckcoo enough to throw in moon space aliens villains? Orochimaru.
13. Who would want Anko to be the butt of a fat joke? Orochimaru.
    
14. Who is aware of Sasuke’s special feelings for Naruto? OROCHIMARU!
15. Who has a grudge against Sasuke and would reduce him into a deadbeat father trapped in a loveless marriage? Orochimaru.
16. Who would make Hinata and Sakura one-dimentional side characters because he frankly doesn’t know them that well? Orochimaru.
17. Who would actually keep Sasuke in-character because he’s known him for years? Orochimaru.
    
18. Who would give Naruto a soul-crushing desk job in retaliation for getting in the way of his plans? Orochimaru.
19. Who is cruel enough to find amusement in everyone’s suffering? Orochimaru.
20. The events of Boruto couldn’t be Hinata’s dream, even though she “got what she wanted.” She’s barely present. The mother/wife trope has usurped most of her identity (clan politics, techniques, worldview, resilience). Her original goal wasn’t Naruto. He inspired her to become strong, but her goal was to become strong, for herself. Why would she let her husband neglect their family? The Hinata in Boruto is not who Hinata wants to be. The Naruto in Boruto isn’t the man Hinata loves.

In conclusion.

Madara won Boruto is all in Orochimaru’s head everything makes sense