Jim was raised by a pit stop nun to be gods greatest mechanic and avenge the street racing crash that killed their family. Stede keeps track of everyone’s birthdays on a bike sticker. The secret library in his engine has somehow not caught on fire.
Oh hey look it’s the Our Flag Means Death AU that no one asked for (also done as part of the Kakairu Discord Bingo but I’ll be doing a master post of that later!)
I cannot draw but I had an idea if anyone wants to do a thing. Prompted because I’m writing a modern OFMD au.
Image: Ed has a classic convertible. It’s classy as hell. He’s driving, Stede in passenger seat. Camera on Ed, who glances over and is heart eyes personified at Stede. Camera pans around to Stede, whose hair is absolutely getting fucked up by the wind and he is trying to contain it and failing
Queen Anne: Ed on drum, Izzy on vocal, Fang on Bass and Ivan on Guitar.
The Revenge: The Swede on vocal, Oluwande on keyboard, Frenchie on guitar and Jim on Drum. (and Lucius on percussion but he’s not currently in frame hhh)
More stuff on The Revenge because they work together as a crew :)
“You can’t fucking keep me down here Iz.” Edward snarled at the first mate from behind the bars of the brig he’d been thrown in. Izzy was stood in front of him he stared at the man he called captain in disgust.
“It’s just until we’re far enough away from shore so you don’t try anything stupid.”
“The second I get out of here I am going to fucking strangle you.” Edward slammed his hands on the bars but Izzy was unfazed. Turning heel to walk to the upper deck. “Hey! I’m fucking talking to you!” Then the man was gone and Edward was left along. “Fucking! Asshole!” He yelled one last time before backing against the wall. Leaning back and slumping over as he fell to the ground. Not caring about the ruined jacket as he brought his knees up and buried his face in them.
“C'mon Ed. Think.” He hit the side of his head as he tried to think. He knew The Queen Anne’s Revenge like the back of his hand and he knew damn well there was only one way out of the brig. The key to which he’d seen Izzy give Fang to safe guard. Fang was an alright enough bloke but he and everyone else on his crew knew above all else to obey the captain. And if he wasn’t around, then Izzy was in charge. Angry little traitorous fucker-
No…okay maybe there wasn’t a way to force himself out. His mind falling back to Stede as they got further and further away from the Barbados. How would Stede get out of here? He didn’t have an aggressive bone in his body. Physically at least. Remembering what the blonde man had said about using words instead. Izzy couldn’t exactly be reasoned with at the moment but…
Looking up he saw a familiar man pacing in front of the hold just above him on the upper deck. Edward grinned.
“Fang! Mind coming down here for a bit?” The man looked around, confused for a moment. Edward nodded. “Yeah, you. Come on.” Fang hesitated for a moment before approaching.
“I’m not supposed to be talking to you. If Izzy sees me I could get in trouble.”
“Izzy? C'mon man, don’t tell me you’re afraid of Izzy the Spewer. We both know I just put him in charge cause I’m fond of the little bugger.” Edward was careful to make sure Fang didn’t notice him side eyeing the key on his waist. “You know I probably shouldn’t tell you but as soon as you’re not around he talks about how…healthy you look.”
“That’s a good thing isn’t it?”
“I thought so too but turns out when someone says that, they’re calling you fat.” Fang gasped audibly.
“No.”
“Yes! Someone like that shouldn’t be left in charge, don’t ya think?” Fang was close now.
“I mean I guess but you’re the one in charge.”
“Right? So shouldn’t I be out?”
Before Fang got the chance to answer Edward lunged out. His arms reaching out and wrapping around the man’s neck. Slamming his head into the bars with one arm and using the other to grab the key. Fang dropped to the ground as Edward excitedly undid the lock to his cell. Grabbing a groaning Fang and depositing him in the cell.
“Sorry bout this Fang but I have someone to go back to.”
~~
“Stede, you can’t just hide out in your room all day. You have to come out now.”
The voice of Stede’s father reverberated through the room as he pounded on the door. It seemed that indeed his husband to be had ran away in the middle of the night back to the freedom of the ocean. Multiple reports of him being seen with his crew leaving the bay in his ship. No matter how much Stede wanted to deny it, he couldn’t. And now Stede found himself completely and utterly alone again.
“Boy, I’m talking to you!” Well not completely alone. He was stuck with the blight on his life known as his father. Stede groaned. Knowing the man wasn’t going anywhere, Stede found himself stumbling tiredly over to his bedroom door. Opening it to be greeted by his father glaring at him. The man made a face at the state of his son.
Stede was still clad in his dressing gown from the night before despite it almost being noon. His face was red, clear he’d been crying a while ago with messy hair he refused to touch. The older man noticed a half empty bottle of bourbon spilled on the floor nearby.
“What?” Stede snapped at his father in a way that any other time he would’ve been afraid to.
“You’re a mess.” The man sneered. “All over some pirate.” He gestured for Stede to follow him which the blonde did after stumbling out of the doorframe. “Honestly Stede, I have no idea what you expected.” As they walked down the hall Stede kept his head down and stared at his feet. “They’re all the same disgusting vermin. You could tell just by looking at him that he wasn’t anything but a low life.”
The man stopped just in front of the main staircase, pausing to turn to his son. Stede stopped and looked up at his father. His stern face had a smirk on it.
“I would too.”
“What?”
“If I had the chance, I’d leave you too. Look at you.” He jabbed Stede in the gut. “Your mother died of shame the instant you were born and you keep finding new and inventive ways to disappoint me. Don’t think I didn’t notice the way you two snuck out to the garden. You fell in love with a pirate!” The man laughed. And laughed, and laughed and Stede felt his blood boil. The years of abuse and humiliation combined with the heart break made the Stede snap. Not even thinking as he pushed his tormentor down the stairs.
“Izzy? Holy shit. How the fuck did you get here?” Edward got up to face his first mate. Izzy was the same as ever, still wearing his clothes from the day he surrended to the British. As most times when Edward saw him, a deep scowl was etched into Izzy’s face as he glared at Edward.
“Not all of us were so eager to give up.” He sneered. “The fuck happened to you?”
“Oh, you mean the beard? They-”
“Not that you fucking twat. What you were doing back there.” Izzy poked an accusatory finger into Ed’s chest. “I was watching you. You let that rich boy fop kiss you. Are you insane? And what are you even wearing?”
“First of all, I kissed him. His name is Stede.”
“What?”
“Stede. Technically I’m engaged to him.” Izzy stared at him incredulously before shaking his head.
“You know what, nevermind. None of that’s important.” Izzy grabbed Ed by the shoulders to make him duck down or of view from a man strolling through the gardens. “We came here to get you out of this place.”
“Get me out? Izzy, I don’t know if you remembered, but I surrendered. Signed an Act of Grace and everything.”
“You’re Blackbeard. You don’t fucking care about that shit. Now stop fucking around so we can get out before anyone notices us.” He tried to pull Edward along but the man shoved Izzy away. His former first mate stared up at Edward surprised.
“I’m not leaving.”
“Not leaving? You have to be joking.”
“No. Iz, man you don’t get it.” Edward took Izzy’s hands much to the smaller man’s confusion. “This place is amazing. There’s food all the time and fancy clothes that actually fit…and then there’s Stede. The dude’s a fucking maniac but he’s something else. I think I like him.”
“Like? Captain, you can’t be serious. Like that blonde little ponce? You buggering him or something?”
“It’s more than that! He’s special.” Izzy blinked before he shook his head.
“You’ve lost it. All this posh bullshit going to your head-you’ve only known him for what? Three days?” The first mate took his arms back. “We’re going back to the ship and you’re going to get all that nonsense out of your head.”
“Izzy, I’m sorry man but it’s over. I’m not going to leave.” Edward turned around and was surprised to see two of his crewmates waiting. “Ivan? Fang? What’s going on?”
“Brought em along in case we needed the help. Clearly we need them more than I thought.” Izzy watched as the confusion further knit itself into Edward’s features. “This is for your own good captain.”
~~
Stede had returned to the party, hiding himself away in a corner away from all the other guests as he waited for Ed to return. Craning his neck occasionally to try and check the crowd but he didn’t see the brown eyes he’d come to know amongst the aristocrats and other guests his father deemed important enough to invite. It had been a few seconds. Then minutes. Then an hour.
The whole time Stede stared at the giant grandfather clock on the opposite side of the room as he waited for his fiance. Ed was still nowhere to be seen as Stede tapped his foot anxiously.
“Stede.” The blonde man practically jumped at his father’s voice. “Where the fuck is he?” Stede stumbled for words, trying to avoid his father’s glare. “We can’t very well start without both of you present.”
“I ugh, I’m sure he’ll back soon. Said he just had to step out for air. That’s all.” Stede was aware of laughter from a nearby group. Turning to see Nigel talking to a few others, having clearly been eavesdropping on them.
“Or maybe he just wanted to get away from you. Imagine, even a pirate not wanting you.”
Stede bit his tongue. Nigel was wrong and Ed would be back any minute now…
“Baby Bonnet, it’s been years.” The man that approached them was dressed in a British Royal Navy uniform. Edward felt Stede’s grip on his arm tighten as they turned to fully face him.
“Nigel. I didn’t know you were invited.” The man, Nigel, laughed. Not so playfully punching Stede in his free arm. The blonde man visibly winced.
“Look at you. Same always. Although a little more….” The man stared at Stede’s stomach for a long moment. “…healthy than most I see.” He laughed at his own comment before seeming to notice Edward. “Ah and you must be the Blackbeard. Sans a beard it would seem.” Edward had been keenly aware of all the side eyes he got when he’d entered with Stede. But it was even worse up close. The man eyeing him like a hungry wolf looking for something to criticize.
“How do you know Stede?” Edward asked and with the face Stede made he knew he said the wrong thing. Nigel on the other hand looked giddy.
“We went to boarding school together! I’m surprised he didn’t mention it, all the crying he did there. Never really managed to keep up with us.” Stede’s was deathly quiet as his fingers continued to bury themselves into Edward’s arm. “He just read and picked flowers. I suppose this little engagement of yours isn’t surprising all things considered -”
“Shut up.” Stede finally snapped. Not loud enough for everyone around them to hear but it certainly caught the man off guard.
“Excuse me?”
“I said, shut. Up.” Stede spoke again, slightly louder this time. Letting go of Edward’s jacket sleeve and quickly walking away. Disappearing into the small crowd of people and leaving both he and Nigel behind.
“Seems baby Bonnet’s still the same. Can’t handle anything like a real man.”
“Hey Nick or whatever it is, how about you go fuck yourself?” Edward spoke. Nigel was taken aback but he didn’t care. Shoving past people as he tried to follow after Stede.
~~
“Stede? Hey man where are you?” Edward had followed the man out the back door. It led to the gardens. Trimmed hedges and bushes lining the way down a path the former pirate found himself trying to navigate. Squinting against the darkness he saw the vague shape of someone crouched under a man made alcove in one of the bushes. Edward could hear the man heavily breathing as he leaned down to face the blonde. “Stede?”
“Go away.” The man sniffed. Had he been crying? Edward ignored what the man said. Instead he fought with the bushes, pushing enough aside as to take a seat next to his fiance.
“Are you okay?”
“Do I look okay to you?” Stede snapped at the man. Despite the darkness, Edward could very clearly see Stede’s face was a mess. “Sorry, I…didn’t mean to yell. It’s just that, that….”
“Bastard?”
“Yes that. He really knows how to get under my skin. His stupid passive aggressive comments….I’m not even fat!”
“He called you fat?”
“Not directly. You probably never had to deal with it before. You’re so lucky to have been a pirate. Free to do whatever you want to whoever you want. In high society we can’t physically hurt each other so we just use cutting words.”
“That’s fucking diabolical.” Some things rich people did, Edward was beginning to realize he’d never understand. This was probably one of them. “If you want I could go back and punch him in the face.” Stede snorted.
“No it’s fine. Then you’d just get in trouble. Besides, all that stuff he said was true. Him, my father and everyone else think I’m just another rich boy who can’t do anything.”
“I don’t think you’re any of that.” Edward quickly spoke.
“You’ve known me for two…three days now? Trust me, the more you get to know me, the worse I get.” The moonlight peered through the bushes now. It illuminated Stede’s face as Edward leaned forward. Raising his hand to cup Stede’s face, Edward leaned in and placed his lips on the other man’s. The kiss lasting only a moment before Edward quickly pulled away. Stede stared at him with wide eyes. The former pirate wondering if he fucked up for a moment when Stede returned the gesture. Quickly pulling Edward back into the intimate gesture. Stede’s hands trailing back where they entangled in his long gray hair.
The moment seemed to last an eternity before they pulled away from each other. Edward and Stede were both flushed as they moved away. Stede quickly standing up.
“I, ugh….we better get back to the dinner.”
“Right.” Edward agreed. “We probably shouldn’t go back at the same time. Who knows what those fuck faces would say.”
“See you in a bit then?”
“Of course.” Edward didn’t realize how wide the grin on his face was until Stede disappeared from his line of view. The man going to follow when he heard the bushes behind him rustle. Instinctively he went into defense mode and backed away when a familiar voice spoke.
“If it’s a rehearsal I don’t get why we have to dress up. It’s not like it’s the actual thing.”
“That may be true but you still have to dress for the occasion. Now what colors do you prefer? I have a few that might fit you without any tailoring needed.”
Stede pulled Edward into his walk in closet. Edward ran his hand along the suit jackets sleeves. Stopping in front of a purple one. It’s fabric was so soft…
“I see something caught your eye.” Stede saw Edward admiring the blazer. Reaching over he pulled it out for the former pirate to get a better look.
“Never seen one this color.” Edward admitted. Purple dye was rare, remembering a trading ship they plundered once. Three bolts of purple cloth was enough to buy a month’s worth of rations for the whole crew. He almost felt guilty even touching it. His mother’s words ringing in his head about how they’d never be the kind of people who would have these kinds of things.
“It suits you. Here.” Stede handed the suit jacket to Edward with a smile.
“Are you sure?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Stede asked, clearly confused by Edwards hesitation. Edward stared at it for a moment before shrugging off his shirt and pants. Stede’s face turned a bright red at the almost naked man. “Whoa okay, I’ll be….outside…” Stede raised a hand as he averted his gaze but his eyes were immediately drawn to the man’s tattooed chest. Scars and black ink covered almost every inch of skin. Edward was well aware the man’s staring and he laughed.
“See something you like?” Stede gaped before quickly exiting the closet and slamming the door behind him. Edward turned back to the expansive closet, looking for pants to go with the jacket when he saw a strange lever on the far wall. Looking over his shoulder than back Edward found himself curious as he pulled the lever. One of the large wall panels swung open to reveal another room. Another closet. Within in a closet. Edward guffawed. Stede Bonnet was truly an enigma.
~~
“I thought you said this was just a rehearsal dinner.”
“It is.”
“Then why are there so many people?” Edward peered out at his fiance’s father’s home. Multiple carriages were lined up outside. The large windows of the mansion allowed him to see the many people inside. Stede seemed just as perplexed and nervous when he saw them.
“I have no idea.” Stede winced as the vehicle came to a stop. “Maybe we should go back home. Avoid this whole debacle.”
“We’re already here. Might as well go in.” Edward started to get up but Stede moved in front of the carriage door to stop him.
“Ed, these people aren’t like you. High society is…well it’s lot of things but none of them are good. Trust me. You’re not ready for this.”
“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” Edward glared at Stede. He could do just as well as any of these other rich assholes. Pushing through Stede and out the carriage door the man made his way to mansion’s entrance. Out of the corner of his eye, Edward saw Stede pause before scrambling over to his side. Adjusting the stupid powdered wig he had on in the process.
“There you are.” Stede’s father stood at the front door a stern look in his face as he spoke to Stede. “I thought I told you to arrive promptly at seven.”
“There was-”
“Nevermind your inane excuses boy. As you can see I invited some very important guests to observe the occasion.” The man ushered the two in to the main foyer where the guests were already mingling with each other. “I expect you to play nice and actually interact with these people.” The man turning to Edward and finally acknowledging his existence. “And make sure to keep him on a short leash. Neither of you are to embarrass me, do you understand?”
“Yes sir.” Stede replied without question. The man wandering off as someone beckoned him over. Edward seethed.
“Short leash? The fuck does he think I am? Some kind of dog?” Stede grabbed his arm before he could follow your older man.
“Just ignore him Ed. He’s like that with everyone.” Somehow Edward doubted that but fine. Whatever. Old dude was a dumb fuck anyway.
“So what do we do at these things? And how do we win?”
“Well people come to these things to make friends. And by friends I mean people who will make them look better. It’s pretty easy to win, all you have to do is make them like you. At least until they turn their backs.”
“Sounds like a bunch of assholes.”
“Trust me, they are.” Stede scanned the room when he saw something that made his face sour. Edward was slightly confused as the man took his arm, turning him around to walk in the opposite direction when a man’s voice called out.
“First things first. You need a crew lined up for this ship.” Edward spoke as Stede jotted something down in his journal. The man didn’t know why but that he’d been acting strange since he’d woken up that morning. Avoiding looking him in the eyes as the former pirate leaned against the blonde man’s desk.
“Already got started on that actually!” Stede grinned as there was a knock from downstairs. “That is probably our first interviewee now!” The man sped walked downstairs. Edward hesitating for a moment before following. Despite what everything else might indicate, the man had a surprising amount of energy. Arriving closely behind Stede at the front door where he pulled it open to reveal a larger bald man excitedly showing off the flyer in his hands.
“I heard Blackbeard was looking for a new crew!”
Edward raised an eyebrow at the man then at Stede who sheepishly backed away.
“I may or may not have used your name to advertise this.”
Oh this was going to be interesting.
~~
“So what’s your name?”
“I go by Black Pete.”
“And how exactly did you get this nickname?”
“My former crew mates gave it to me. Said I was as fierce a fighter as Blackbeard himself. Might of heard of me. I was Captain Bellamy’s right hand man for a bit.” Edward had to cover up his laughter with coughing. This guy was full of bullshit, he knew Bellamy’s right hand man very well. He took his right eyeball out of it’s socket. They weren’t on very good terms, needless to say.
“Alright well, all your credentials considered, we will have to give you a callback!” The man got up and shuffled out of the parlor room they’d settled in. Waiting to make sure the room was completely empty before he spoke.
“So Blackbeard’s crew?”
“I didn’t know what else to write down! I mean if I just put Stede Bonnet they’d just look at the flyer, see my name and say who?”
“You do realize most people can’t read, right?”
“I, well of course I do. But it gets the word out.” Stede saw the way Edward was straining his eyes to look at the poster when it hit him. “You can’t read, can you?”
“Well a word here and there. Otherwise, no.” Stede visibly frowned. Wanting to say something when the door to the parlor opened and another man peeked his head in.
“Scuse me, this where I’m supposed to go to join Blackbeard’s crew?” Seemed whatever he had to say would have to wait until after they finished their interviews.
~~
“There’s a….bird on you’re head.”
“His name’s Karl.”
“Right-o. And do you and Karl have any experience in sea faring?” Stede stared at the strange balding man. Ed was entranced by the man and his bird. The bird almost as equally smitten as it flew over and landed in Ed’s hair. The bird letting out a caw as it did so.
“Karl says he likes ye.”
~~
“I see you don’t talk much.”
The apparently mute man across from the two grunted. An unkempt beard with a large red nose made the man stand out. Well that and the rather large knife in his hands that he was sharpening against the heel of his boot.
“Right well you seem like a very intriguing candidate but I’ll have to-”
“You’re hired.” Ed quickly spoke.
“What?” Stede asked, a bit confused.
“I have a good feeling about him.”
~~
“I’m good with knives.”
“As in cooking or fighting?”
“Both.”
The man with wild hair and an even wilder look in his eyes stared at the two.
“Well I suppose we are going to need a chef.”
~~
“You ever been sketched? You have some lovely cheekbones.”
The young man sat on the couch across from them was a lot younger than the others. Made Edward wonder why he’d show up for a job like this when it seemed his only skills were reading, writing and drawing. Sketching something into a the paper scroll he brought with him with a piece of charcoal. Stede was clearly interested in the boy as he beamed.
“Well I mean I have had a few portraits done-”
“Not you, him.” The boy pointed at Edward. “I already saw that giant portrait of you on the way in.” Stede was offended but Edward was confused. Flushing a bit at the compliment from before.
“I don’t know why we need the boy-I mean I can already read and write.”
“But you’re the one who said you wanted a personal assistant.”
“I just don’t have a good feeling about him.”
“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you’re jealous.” Ed grinned as he and Stede poured over the potential candidates for their crew. Stede waved a hand at the notion.
“Don’t be ridiculous. There’s nothing to be jealous of. I’ll just put him in the maybe pile.”
Stede moved the papers around when there was a knock on the parlor door.
“Come in!”
One of the servants opened the door and peeked their head in.
“Excuse me sir, your father wished me to remind you of the rehearsal dinner tonight.”
“Rehearsal -oh I forgot all about it!” Stede cursed under his breathe and Ed stared at him.
“Rehearsal dinner?”
“Oh right, it’s something we do the night before a wedding. Practice what we’re actually going to say and do before the wedding proper.”
“Why?” Ed asked clearly confused.
“To make sure nothing goes wrong the actual day. It’ll give us time to practice your table manners. But first, let’s get you dressed properly.”
Edward had never seen so many books in one place. Wall to wall, pages he couldn’t read sat for Stede to show off.
“It’s not as big as my father’s but I still like to fancy myself a collector.” Edward wandered around the room when his eyes focused on the mantle place in it’s center. A bottle with a tiny ship in it. He picked it up, fascinated
“How the fuck you even get this in here?” The former pirate looked over the curio intently as Stede came up behind him.
“I made it myself. But that’s not the best part.” He took Edward over to his desk where the diagram to a very similar boat was laid out. “I commissioned an exact replica to be built. Well not exact, I mean it’s going to be actual boat size.”
“No.” Ed couldn’t believe it.
“Yes!”
“That’s absolutely fucking mad. I love it.” Edward ran a hand along the plans. “Didn’t know you were sailor.”
“I’m not. Well at least not yet. That’s actually part of the other reason I chose to meet with you.”
“Sorry mate, can’t help you there. I was a pirate. Not a sailor.”
“That’s the thing! I’m entering the privateer business. It’s like being a pirate but for the British government.” Stede excitedly explained. Edward raised an eyebrow. Not to be rude but Stede wasn’t exactly the pirating type. The blonde man noticed the face his fiance was making. “I was hoping it was possible…you could teach me everything you know. You’re a legend.”
The man scrambled for a book nearby, opening it up and turning it to an illustrated page. Edward squinted as he looked closer.
“Is that supposed to be me?” He took the book from Stede’s hand. “Why do I have so many guns in this? They drew me with eight-nine guns! Who needs that many guns. I just had the one gun and the one sword like everyone else.” Not to mention the portrait wasn’t even accurate. His beard hadn’t been black since he was twenty something.
“Regardless of the accuracy, I was wondering if maybe you could teach me how to be a ship’s captain. Or at least not have my crew throw me overboard.” Edward looked the man up and down before humming.
“That might take a bit off work but since you’re teaching me all that fancy stuff I suppose it’s only fair.” There was a loud clanging noise that rang through the library making Edward jump. Grabbing the nearby letter opener and swinging it around violently as he yelled.
“The fuck was that?!” His body tensed up as he felt Stede’s hands on his forearm.
“Whoa there Ed, it’s just the clock.” The man pointed at the device on the wall. “It rings every hour on the hour-”
“Yeah I know what a clock is. I’m not stupid.” Edward huffed as he took his arm back and set the letter opener down. “I was just startled, that’s all.”
“Right then…well it’s getting late. I suppose we should retire to bed then.”
~~
Stede lied wide awake in his bed, unable to sleep. Ed laid on the opposite side of bed as he loudly snored. Stede’s bed was the only clean one in the whole estate and he refused to let the other man sleep on the floor so they found themselves next to each other, tangled in the bedsheets. The blonde man rolling over to see his future husband curled up. Ed holding the satin sheets tight to his body like a child with a blanket. Stede didn’t mind too much, it was still rather warm for this time of year.
It was surreal. Being so close to this man he’d heard so much about. He wasn’t what Stede expected but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. The man was nice. A lot nicer than he’d expected for a former pirate. Not to mention, the way it pissed his father being around the man was the first laugh he’d had in a long while. Stede found himself smiling again as he started to doze off when he felt strong arms grab his middle.
Stede panicked for a moment before realizing it was just Ed. Still deep in his slumber as he pulled the other man close. The man struggling for a moment before allowing himself to adjust into the curve of Ed’s arms as to not disturb him. Stede could feel the man’s hair on his back, only now realizing exactly how long it was. It smelled like oranges.
The carriage ride home was suffered in a strained silence. Stede’s father staring at his son and his soon to be husband, not so quietly judging the pair with his eyes. Blackbeard…well Ed, Stede supposed seemed oblivious to this. Instead he was excitedly taking in the carriage, feeling along the border of the seats and it’s fabric. Glancing out the carriage’s window with an almost child like glee as they passed the town by.
“Fucking hell, never been in one of these before. Always wondered what they looked like on the inside.”
Both Stede and his father were visibly taken aback by the casual coarse language. Stede supposed he shouldn’t be surprised, being a man of the seas and all.
“I know you’re not used to such company Mr. Teach but I Will ask you to refrain from such talk.” Stede’s father bristled. Ed snorted, elbowing Stede in the side as he pointed a thumb at the other man’s father.
“What crawled up his ass and died?” Stede had to admit, he found himself holding in a laugh as he saw the face his father made. “So which one of you poor bastards am I supposed to marry?”
“That would be me.” Stede rose his hand slightly. “I’m sorry we didn’t have time to properly introduce ourselves back there. My name is Stede Bonnet.”
“Sounds like the name of a horse. Hey if I’m getting married to you, am I taking your last name? Edward Bonnet. Kind of has a nice ring to it don’t you think?” The carriage pulled a stop and Stede’s father spoke.
“I think you two should get settled with your estate while we figure out the paperwork.” The footman came around and opened the door allowing Stede and Ed to exit. “Stede, please train your little…pet project before the official ceremony. I’d prefer you not make a fool of us. Do you understand?”
“Yes father.”
Stede answered obediently and the carriage door slammed shut before taking off. There was a pause before Ed raised his hand to flip the carriage off.
“Your dad’s a fucking dick.”
Stede couldn’t help but agree.
~~
It was dinner when Edward saw his husband to be again. The man quickly retreating into his study as soon as they entered the massive mansion. Edward had been presented with many oddities in his exploration of the place but the spread before him was by far one of the most confusing.
Forks, as it turned out, were for eating, not brushing your hair. And there were at least four of them set out. All different sizes and and colors. When the servant brought a plate of something he couldn’t identify, Edward was deftly aware that in this kind of space he probably wasn’t supposed to eat with his hands. Turning to his soon to be husband at the opposite end of the table he observed the man using one of these forks to pick up the food. Grabbing the one closest to him, Edward skewered the serving and brought it up to his mouth. He noticed the face Stede made when he did this.
“What? I do something wrong?”
“No it’s just, that’s the salad fork.”
“What?”
“The fork for salads. That won’t come until after dessert.”
“Wait there’s more after this?” Damn this guy really was fancy of he could afford this shit. “Okay then, where do I start?”
“Ugh, well it’s rather simple actually. There’s seven courses and we start from the outside and go in. Right now we’re on our appetizer. That’s the smallest fork closest to your left hand.” Edward looked over at the other fork before shrugging.
“Fork’s a fork.” He ate the food, fork be damned.
“We can work on your table manners later.” Edward nodded as he chewed. Actually tasted pretty good.
“What’s this anyway?”
“Oh! A French delicacy, frog legs. It’s all the rage in Paris.”
“Mmm, never had frog before.” Ed reached over and grabbed the goblet of wine he was provided, chugging the drink before letting out a loud belch. Stede recoiled at this. “So how we gonna do this then?”
“Do what?”
“This whole marriage bullshit. What do you actually want? I mean I could bugger you if you want but-”
“No, oh wow, no. I mean we just met!” Stede’s face flushed red at the implication. “Besides you’re a, I mean you’re well, you and I’m-I mean we’re both men.” Edward shrugged.
“So? We’re getting hitched, wouldn’t be out of the question. Wouldn’t be the first man I’ve been with.”
“No. It’s nothing like that. I had to be married anyway. I just figured when I heard about your predicament it would be as convenient solution for the both of us.” Stede was far too quick to explain and Edward stared at him. “I mean that and I’ve heard so much about you.”
“Really? And what exactly have you heard about me?” Edward was genuinely interested in what this strange little man thought about him. Watching as Stede pauser before standing up and coming around the table towards him with an almost giddy look in his eyes.
“I can’t imagine what you hope to gain from this arrangement. We had a perfectly fine young woman lined up for you to wed. And at least she would’ve been able to give me a proper heir.”
Stede sat in the carriage opposite his aging father, trying to avoid his gaze as he stared out the window.
“A pirate for God’s sake, it’s as if you go out of your way to continue to disgrace this family.”
“It’s for the government and country.” Stede ignored his father’s previous insult as he spoke. “Bettering the most feared pirate and turning him into a proper citizen. Besides, with his experience I’ll be able to better invest in my privateering venture.”
His father had scoffed when he first brought the idea up. It had been announced that the legendary pirate Blackbeard had claimed Act of Grace and was brought back to the Barbados. Under the new law he was to be married to someone who could tame the wild beast. Stede Bonnet had to admit he was all to eager to jump at the chance. He never been able to live up to his dream of becoming a pirate so he might as well marry one.
His father only relenting to his son’s decision due to the standing their family would gain with the king for doing this.
“I suppose you’re be all to eager to consummate your marriage with him.” Stede’s father laughed at the face his son made. “All to eager to jump at the chance to be with another man. Even when you were young I knew you were nothing but a flowery little fa-”
“Looks like we’re here.” Stede quickly interrupted his father as their carriage came to a stop in front of the state’s building. Not waiting for their servant to come around, Stede quickly exited the carriage. The sooner he was able to sign off on this and get away from his father’s ire, the better.
~~
“So I’m not supposed to eat this stuff? Then why did you make it taste so good?”
“It’s soap, you use it make yourself smell good.”
“Well now my breath smells good.”
Edward went to take another bite of the orange scented soap he’d been given when the woman assigned to help him clean up snatched it away.
“Hey!”
“No. No more eating soap, no more using forks to comb your beard and don’t you dare eat the bath salts, I’ve seen the way you were looking at them.”
“Well now I’m just confused.”
“Take your clothes off and get in the bath.” The woman gritted out. The look in her eyes was surprisingly terrifying and Edward complied. Shrugging off his leather clothes and hesitantly getting into the bath drawn for him.
“Fuck this is freezing.”
“It would’ve been warm if you didn’t take so long.” The woman hummed as she leaned over the man, grabbing an egg from a nearby stand and cracking it over his head. The former pirate was confused as she began to rub the yolk into his scalp.
“I didn’t know I was getting ready for dinner.” He joked.
“It’s to clean your hair. Gets all the dirt and grime out.” The woman rinsed the egg through his long hair before hands drifting to his beard.
“Hmmm, I’ll have to call the barber in. See what we can do about this.”
At first he wanted to protest. Can’t be Blackbeard without a beard. But he wasn’t Blackbeard. Not anymore.
~~
“This way Mr. Bonnet.” Stede was led through the halls by a young man in a naval uniform. The metaphorical butterflies in his stomach continued to flutter as he wondered what to expect. Would the man be angry about this arrangement? Incredulous? Or even worse…disappointed? Stede didn’t know if he could deal with that.
“Here we are.” The young man said as they came to the large wooden doors at the end of the hall. Pushing them open, Stede took a deep breath before he stepped into the room.
In the middle of the room stood a darker skinned man with salt and pepper hair. His face was clean shaven with light brown eyes staring down at the cuff of his blue suit, fiddling with the lace trim before he noticed Stede had entered.
“Oh hey.”
“Um, hello there.” Stede straightened up. “I’m sorry this must be the wrong room-I’m here to meet Blackbeard.”
“Well you found him.” The man stuck his hand out. “But you can call me Ed.”
“By the king’s Act of Grace, you Edward Teach renounce your pirating says and agree to become a part of upstanding society. Is this true Mr. Teach?”
The situation was not ideal. By all means, Blackbeard if he had lived up to his reputation would have gone down with his ship fighting. But Edward Teach was not Blackbeard. He hadn’t been for quite some time. Instead he was just a husk of a great man who had a death wish but couldn’t even bring himself to end it all like most of his ilk. He claimed an Act of Grace. His crew were all aghast, especially his first mate Izzy.
“You can’t fucking do this.” The man hissed to his captain. “You’re Blackbeard.” But Edward just shook his head.
“Mr. Teach, are you listening to me?” The judge asked, snapping the now former pirate back to the present.
“Er yes of of course. I agree with all that stuff.” He’d only been paying half attention during the whole process. They’d brought him back to the Barbados to process his claim. The judge and all of the other naval men around him stared at the man, eyes barring into the former legend. Just like Izzy and everyone else he met they were disappointed by the man who couldn’t possibly live up to the stories about him.
“Now you have two choices. Either you will join the naval academy and hunt down your own kind.”
Edward almost scoffed. So basically a pirate for the state but with more paperwork and white wigs?
“Or you can marry into better society and pursue a stable job under the eye of the government.”
That…actually sounded kind of nice. Not the government watching you but the settling down and getting married. Something he could have only hoped to do in the past. Technically he had been married once before but they were both teenagers and it had been annulled by the end of the next year.
“Well when you phrase it like that, I’ll have to go with the latter.”
Now the man had to wonder who would be stuck marrying him.
-After he killed his father, Ed couldn’t bring himself to run away. Not when he thought of his mother. So he stayed.
-Stede Bonnet’s entire childhood was nothing but bullying from everyone around him and he decides to run away. Accidentally ending up on a pirate crew as a young man with hopes of becoming a “gentleman pirate”.
-These dreams are dashed and the once romantic young boy turns into a hardened man of the sea. (Well as hardened as he can be, this is Stede we’re talking about.)
-Edward grew up a lonely man. Apprentice to a blacksmith, never quite able to find the right person to open up to.
-His only source of joy is the local theater that allows him escape his dull life if only for a bit.
-He’s almost forty now and working when an odd band of people stumble themselves into his blacksmithing shop.
-It doesn’t take a genius to figure out these people are pirates. Their leader is a strangely dressed blonde man claiming to be an infamous pirate.
“My name is Stede Bonnet. I’m sure you’ve heard of me.”
“Mmm nope, can’t say I have mate.”
“I lead the Revenge! The most feared pirating ship this side of the Barbados!”
“…not ringing any bells no.”
-Captain Steve Bonnet and his crew on The Revenge pillage and pirate boat after boat but they have a bit of an image issue. Namely that no one exactly knows who to attribute this to.
-They’re fleeing the British armada after killing a somewhat important admiral of theirs and accidentally end up taking the blacksmith with them.
-Most people would be terrified at the prospect of being shanghaied by this ragtag pirate gang but Ed finds it rather thrilling. Begging to join the crew, promising to help with their image and spread the image of Bonnet and The Revenge far and wide through theatrics (fuckery, big time fuckery).
-Stede loves the idea, and is surprised by how aptly the man they picked up begins to adapt to their lifestyle. He’s quite enamored with the idea (and eventually, the man).
-Unknown to either of the men, one of the crew, Izzy Hands, has been planning a mutiny on The Revenge for a while now and this throws a wrench in his plans.
-Jim is very aware of Izzy’s plans but continues to make sure they don’t play out as Ed and Stede start to fall in love despite the ongoing shenanigans.
Can’t stop drawing these two. The missus has been reading a lot of AUs. I’m not a fan personally but I do like drawing these guys doing and wearing basically anything. Here’s 3 of your bog standard AU’s
There is really no earthly explanation for why I drew this. I’m stuck on a comic I can’t think of a good final punchline for and somehow that lead to a complete 180 and drawing…this
OFMD Monster High AU Edward is a Physical Deaducation teacher and Stede is a Dead Languages teacher, recent transfer from Ever After High (Gentleman Pirate is actually Zombie for Dead Language teacher)
Funky little WIP for my first OFMD fanficccc Its a semi-fantasy au about the superstitions surrounding ship figureheads! I won’t spoil whats going to happen but sometimes magical ship spirits can get a little lonely, you know? PLEASEEE leave me some comments telling me what you think
Queen Anne: Ed on drum, Izzy on vocal, Fang on Bass and Ivan on Guitar.
The Revenge: The Swede on vocal, Oluwande on keyboard, Frenchie on guitar and Jim on Drum. (and Lucius on percussion but he’s not currently in frame hhh)
More stuff on The Revenge because they work together as a crew :)
