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i’ve been on hold at my library for a book about asexuality for a few weeks and i just read an article about some concepts in the book re: consent. and holy shit. blew my mind. i’ve NEVER read about consent in the context of a relationship with an ace and an allo that resonated so strongly with me, and as a person in such a relationship!! it’s so!!! i’m even more excited for the book now.
god okay, just to gush about this more, the author suggests using the categories of enthusiastic, willing, unwilling and coerced consent (rather than just “enthusiastic consent” or “no means no”). i really recommend reading the whole article linked above, but what blew my mind is the distinction between enthusiastic and willing consent. it gets broken down like this:
Enthusiastic consent:
When I want you
When I don’t fear the consequences of saying yes OR saying no
When saying no means missing out on something I want
Willing consent:
When I care about you though I don’t desire you (right now)
When I’m pretty sure saying yes will have an okay result and I think maybe that I’d regret saying no
When I believe that desire may begin after I say yes
and like!!! it made me realize i may have never actually enthusiastically consented in my life, but like, that doesn’t mean i have never or cannot consent! i almost always fall into the “willing consent” framework and i’ve never seen that….validated anywhere. anyway, it’s just given me this perspective about my sexuality and consent in general and better ways to relate to my partner and!!! idk!!! thank goodness for other ace people, is what i’m saying.
This is very useful and a lot of sex work can also be best understood as willing consent, where the indirect consequences of having sex (getting paid) are what is desired and the direct consequences (having probably-mediocre sex with someone you don’t actively desire) are not considered so negative that they outweigh the indirect consequences.
Which is a definition of consent that gives sex workers agency and sees their consent as a choice made again and again based on the pros and cons, not something that is coerced and also not something that always exists by default simply because they are sex workers.
Recognizing willing consent is probably validating for a lot of people who have consent to sex without meeting the definition of enthusiastic consent.
absolutely incredible commission i ordered from @sadfishkid of dnd npcs from the campaign i run: Ar Kadre (center), a golden dragon god, and their avatars on the material plane, Arthur (left) and Kadena (right) – Team Ark!
could not be more delighted with how this turned out! thank you so much!!
dam……..that website “you feel like shit” (it’s like a questionnaire / troubleshooting guide for when you feel like shit) really works………………….. im not even all the way thru it and i even half-assed a lot of the suggestions and i already feel loads better
for some reason, with this website, i was able to complete small tasks ive been fruitlessly bugging myself to do for weeks??
anyway, i feel almost good now :^)
im glad this got some notes!!!! i hope it helps y’all find some measure of peace or comfort <3
i just felt like drawing matt doing cool things one day, so i went with him riding a tron bike because i need to push myself to draw vehicles more often
this is also a gift for @keeningthoughts since they did a great job with this pic i commissioned forever ago. i wanted to return the favor :)
@robotsofhszine is finally out! One of the first zines I’ve been a part of, I had the honour of illustrating Davebot’s coverpiece, pictured above! c:
The zine is fully digital and available to download for free (with an optional donation). It features a bunch of really amazing artists and writers with some great content for your favourite HS ‘bots, so definitely check it out!
