canatrix:

grayacejace:

lowkey I feel like a lot of people my age younger think selfcare is like “treat yourself to new outfit” or “put on a facemask” or “have an extra scoop of ice cream” but i cannot stress enough this enough sometimes selfcare is “brushing your teeth” and “cleaning your room” and “eating some fruit” or “going for a walk”

It’s not just about the frivolous ‘treat-yourself’ stuff. most of the time it’s about actually taking care of your body’s basic needs 

It just depends if the issues you have are “I have straight up not been attending to my basic needs and I should do that” or “I’ve been overworking myself and had a lot of shit and I’m gonna indulge a little to unwind.” Both can be self care, you just need to make sure you’re not using a face mask as relief from poor eating habits.

picturesimlivinthru:

oodlenoodleroodle:

badsandy:

no one wants to hear it but love is earned after the initial infatuation. commitment is something u both mutually agree to and then from there it’s work. it’s not work like it’s a chore it’s jus work like it takes effort. to get good at these things takes practice. it takes practice to learn to communicate better and it takes practice to learn to love each other in the ways u need to be loved.

And it’s also terrifying! Like it’s the kind of vulnerability you can’t do while being all cool and in control of things, you have to like open up the really awkward, ugly inner part of yourself and hope that the other person is still into you. 

Like you have to actually say - with words coming out of your mouth or hands or whatever way you use to directly communicate in person - what you would like from the other person! You have to say stuff like “hey the thing you did made me feel some ways and we have to address this like adults” and hope that the other person says “I see, yes I also think we should address this like adults” (instead of “no I didn’t” or “you’re overreacting” or other shut-down-ing shit that ruins lives). 

Worth the read my oh my

gothiccharmschool:

3liza:

gateway-2000:

if you are fat and you feel like dressing/presenting a certain way or being part of a subculture like goth, emo, etc. is off limits to you, i really need you to know: it’s not.

i spent most of my life thinking about how i wish i Could dress goth or emo, but because i was fat, it would be inherently embarrassing, and that i dont belong. i wore clothes that didnt draw attention while wishing i could look cooler.

recently i snapped and started intentionally seeking out clothes i WANT. I’ve gotten more compliments in my life stepping outside in my goth, emo, scene and forestpunk inspired looks than i ever did when i was wearing bland, baggy clothing.

you don’t have to hide. you don’t have to pretend to like bland fashion because it hides your body better. you’re not inherently embarrassing. your body isn’t something to be hidden. fat ppl being bold, choosing to make appearances and proudly taking up space does so much to help break down stigma and social barriers. and it’s one hell of an act of courage, so give respect where respect is due.

just to add to this, i grew up goth in a goth region and then spent my entire adult life living and working with goths, rivetheads, burners, etc and most of us are fat. everywhere in the USA with the exception of maybe los angeles, fat goths are the norm. there are token skinny people around like me and the subcultures have plenty of fatphobia and shitty size ranges just like the rest of the dominant culture but trust me. you will never be the only fat goth at the club

THERE IS NO SIZE REQUIREMENT FOR DRESSING GOTH OR ANY ALTERNATIVE FASHION. I understand where that poisonous mindset comes from, but it is a LIE. Dress to make yourself happy, and if someone if someone is a jerk to you about it, stare witheringly at them and condescendingly tell them you’re sorry they feel that way.

(An aside: I’m one of the plus-size goths @3liza grew up around, and I’m vaguely proud that she never fell into that nonsense “plus size can’t be goth”trap.)

The secret behind envy

The secret behind envy

When you are jealous or envious of someone, of what they have or have accomplished, you’re truly just staring at your own potential, and wondering why you haven’t unlocked it yet. Deep down, you want to unlock that potential, but for various reasons, the false solutions you’ve created around yourself to protect you from perceived harm and danger have barred you access from reaching and fulfilling…

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Many moons ago, when I was a wee tot, I would help my dad at his apiary. Being the angsty child I was, I really didn’t enjoy it all that much. Hot, humid summer days spent in a full-body suit and elbow-length gloves didn’t particularily make for a fun time. But, dad was old-fashioned, and I enjoyed home-cooked food, so, well, there I was, helping.

As much as I didn’t enjoy it at the time, there were a lot of important lessons learned through those arduous summers, but none other than the one day, when we were gathering honey-laden frames. The honey bees were getting increasingly aggressive, which, in turn, increased my frustration. Lifting frame after frame from the hive, I had killed a not-so-small number of worker bees. At first dad had glared at me, but as I continued to squish those poor insects in my frustration-fuelled haze, he came over, and put his hand on my shoulder and said, simply, “take care of your bees, and your bees will take care of you.”

It wasn’t until many, MANY years later that I realized the importance of that statement. It took on so many meanings, as I matured (well, my wife would argue my level of maturity…), and grew older. The flowers the bees gathered from were nothing special, but there was something about the flavour and delicacy of the honey that left many people gushing over it. My dad would smile, and nod his head, everytime someone complimented the honey. We had repeat customers who would buy only from him, and he smiled. He loved those bees, and the honey showed that love.

Take care of your bees, and they’ll take care of you.

officialaudreykitching:

‪Instead of trying to solve your whole life right now, just keep adding additional good things. Let your pile of good things grow.‬

You win the most when the cards you hold are worth folding but you take the risk

intj-aesthetics:

Hey kids, take it from an old forest hag: it’s totally okay to half-ass your hobbies

… trace that picture for your journal

… like old cars without knowing how to fix them

… watch the movies without reading the comics

… super glue the part of the model

… learn one (1) way to make a braid

… watch how-to videos for every step of the recipe

… google every second word in that article

… use the automatic setting on your camera

And don’t be ashamed. Real life isn’t school. The all or nothing mentality is not healthy. Don’t gate-keep yourself from stuff that might be fun. Shrug, grin, and hold eye contact with a boomer while you do it. It’s good I promise.

The modern woman can have it all: a family, a career, a bloody quest for revenge that leaves her unsatisfied and dead inside. The sky is the limit.

professorerudite:

lesbianfairie:

Fun fact: there is no age where you have to have yourself, your identity, or your preferences ‘figured out’ by. I literally just realized, “Oh, the reason I don’t much care for hair braiding or styling headcanons is that I high-key dislike having my own hair touched or messed with except under wildly specific circumstances.” And I don’t just mean the headcanons thing, I mean the hair-touching thing, too.

I’m thirty-four, and I just realized that I don’t really like people touching my hair.

And you know what?

That’s totally fine.

So if you’ve got a clear, definite idea of who you are and what you like right now? That’s fine. But realizing something about yourself that feels like you should have realized it ages ago? That’s also fine. There isn’t a deadline for this, you’re allowed to take your time, you’re allowed to make a decision, and you’re allowed to change that decision later. You’re smart, you’re capable, and you’re strong - you’ll get there when you get there. I believe in you.

introvert-unicorn:

• Happiness is where you are now, or nowhere at all
• Renounce useless guilt
• Fall in love with inner beauty
• Create your own space
• Be brave enough to be bad at something new
• When things change inside you, things change arround you
• Spend time with people who matter most
• Asking for help does not make you weak
• Change is uncomfortable but necessary
• Read more classic literature
• Read about history from different sources 
• Buy less clothes and make sure they are made organically and ethically or buy second hand
• Learn to say No
• Deflecting someone who compliments you isn’t modest it’s insulting
• Your boundaries will scare some people away, it’s fine! let them go
• Compliment yourself
• Your mental and physical health are always your priority
• Take a bath and notice how great your body is
• Be mindful of the things you put into your body emotionally, spiritually and physically
• Your diet is not only what you eat, it’s what you watch, what you listen to, what you read and with who you spend your time with
• Don’t let the internet rush you
• Start believing that nothing is too good for you  
• Get enough sleep
• Buy vegan options in anything that’s possible
• Keep it private until you know it’s permanent
• Enjoy experience more than materials 
• Stay in your healing
• Your scars are symbols of your strength 

In the vein of congratulating friends when they practice self-care, I think we should also show more than just assurance when anxious friends cancel plans. It could leave a strong impression to receive gratitude for trusting you enough to risk disappointment, and it takes a lot of bravery to show trust.

Listen, if you sit back and do nothing as something happens that you can prevent, you are part of the problem. Don’t fall victim to the bystander effect, don’t think someone else will do something. NEVER give excuses for other complicit people. Do what is right, not what is expected of you, understand?