A/N I have had this in my google docs for damn near a YEAR and i never finished it and dont really know where i was gonna go with it and i feel bad for CONSTANTLY and CONSISTENTLY letting yall down by promising i will write something and then disappearing for an undisclosed amount of time. Anyways, its hardly anything but it will be enough to stop the nagging guilt ive been feeling re. this blog for a while so hopefully it aight with you guys!!!! pce n lov!!! -kat daddy

The irony of the situation was palpable.  Everything in your room was in complete order yet your life was falling apart at the seams.  You couldn’t remember when it began. The late nights. The not coming home. The expressionless smiles. It must have been gradual. It must have happened so slowly that you couldn’t even feel it. Arthur once told you that weird story about frogs— how they don’t realize they are being boiled alive if you just gradually increase the temperature of the water while they’re in it—you thought it was ridiculous when you first heard it.  Arthur said that the frogs won’t jump out, they won’t do anything to stop it from happening, to stop being boiled alive. They just sit there complacent in their own demise.

But as you stood in front of him from across the room you could understand. You were the frog who didn’t even notice the end was coming despite all signs suggesting otherwise.

He couldn’t even look at you when he said it. Couldn’t bother to look into your eyes as he tore your life apart in front of you. Never have you ever thought him to be a coward, but now that’s all changed. Along with everything else.

“I’m sorry–”

“Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare tell me you’re sorry Thomas. Not if you don’t know what you’re apologizing for.” Despite the broken feeling in every bone in your body, your voice held its strength. So at least there was that.

“Y/N. Please, just–just let me explain.”

“Explain what Thomas?” you bit back, your tone stinging like venom, making him wince. “You fell in love with her, I don’t think I need that explained to me. Or do you want to explain to me how you could throw away 6 years, 6 frickin years for what? A fling? A barmaid you’ve known for a few months? Are you going to be able to explain to me what she can give you that I already haven’t? Can you explain that to me Thomas? Because if not then I just don’t care.”

“It’s Tommy,” he mumbled out, avoiding your gaze once more as he looked to the floor in shame.

“No it’s not. Not anymore it isn’t. My Tommy couldn’t do this to me, he wouldn’t be able to. Not after everything we’ve been through. Now I don’t even know who the fuck you are at this moment, but you’re not Tommy.”

“I didn’t mean for this to happen Y/N. I would never hurt you, I–”

“But you are hurting me Thomas! Right now, right this minute you are hurting me!” even with his eyes on the floor, you could see him wince again as your voice finally cracked, the tears desperate to spill any minute now. “You had it good you know, and you’ve shat on it. I hope it’s all worth it Thomas. I really do. There’s no coming back from this.”

Requested: yes
Published: December 30th, 2021 
Pairing: Established Tommy Shelby x Reader
Prompt(s):none
Warning(s): none
Word count: 1.5k
Author’s note: I am sorry for this late update. I didn’t think it has actually been that long since I posted this. I was listening to “Let’s Hurt Tonight” by OneRepublic as I was writing this, and perhaps it’s why this took such a dark turn (the song itself matches this fic very well). I tried to keep it as “light” as I could, but given how I wrote the first part, such demands were impossible to fulfill. This talks of post-trauma, because there is no way in hell that Reader is okay after what I put her through in the first chapter. The ending is open for interpretation, for trauma doesn’t go after two days have passed. I’m really proud of my writing in this one, and I hope you will like it.

☇ my navigation //PT.01 //

Sometimes, fate was so cruel it made one cry. You had, honest to God, never believed in fate until the moment the liberty of a choice was taken away from you. There was darkness around your heart and mind, urging you to believe that maybe, just maybe, this torture was fate deemed your eligible punishment.

Barely any fight left in you to disagree with the universe.

There is suffering in silence. Menace in the waters. Fear in every fiber of your body.

And for what?

Your skin was slick with sweat that had formed over days work. There was little air in the derelict stockroom, only the cold that seeped through whatever cracks had been made over the years of neglect. Rarely did you visit such places, where one didn’t have working water.

Your lips turned dry, tongue like sandpaper. Thirst.

You were thirsty.

Yet all it took to send you vomiting was one look at the water. One thought at the liquid.

They hadn’t been gone long; you took note. The sun blinked in between clouds as it did when they were there, and so you still saw it through the gap in the wall. It was little after the first few hours of dawn; one might guess if they had the courage.

A hum of a song left your lips, the only sound in the warehouse. It had once been accompanied by the rustling of cloth against the chair or the scraping of a boot against the floor. By the time your wrists began bleeding and your feet froze solid, you had given up entirely. But you had to drone the melody if only to let yourself know you were still alive.

It was fate’s game to play now.

And you were no longer a player.

Eyelids became too heavy to hold yet again, the itchiness in your eyes a malice on its own. They began closing at a snail’s pace, but you held them in place knowing what kind of irritation the water gathered in the corners of your eyes would give. That dance was so overdone. It was more challenging to dance it the more it happened.

And so, you let them flap shut, your neck a loose rope that could no longer stay upright. Your chin met your chest, and you could hear the shallowness of your breathing accompany the song. The fire turned ember in your lungs but still it hurt to inhale freely more than it hurt to just gather enough air to live.

The waters would be a mercy.

Indeed they would. They would leave no room to fight them, perhaps not in the beginning. But it was a swifter death than the one that was draining you. Slowly, you would close your eyes and fall asleep, and mercy would be as sharp as a knife in ending you in your sleep.

And then just as you were about to succumb to the darkness, fate played wrong.

And Tommy Shelby made the right move.

The game was over.

But you didn’t know.

Bella.

Changretta’s voice was a force in your mind. The warehouse was once again filled with sound. They were so, so loud.

Bella.Bella. Bella.

Your body began shaking on its own accord, and you pulled at the restrains, fearing what’s to come.

Not the water again.

Please not the water.

Your creased riding boots kicked against the ground that you mistook for bottomless water only a second before. But it was solid. The floor was as solid as it could be beneath you.

Grounded. You were on the ground.

But then hands – rough, calloused hands – were grasping your shoulders and you were afraid of being pulled under as you were hours ago. Your face downright denied to look at the shadow casted over your lap even when its hand took your chin in a firm yet gentle grip and pulled your face to its own. The water burned behind your closed eyelids, and you refused to begin the dance despite knowing the relief that awaited once it was done.

Bella.

“Y/N.”

Name. Your name.

“Y/N look at me.”

You pried your eyes slowly, and then waited for relief to wash over you upon seeing his face. “You’re okay,” Tommy said to you, his words a declaration. Final.

You gathered your strength and wept.

***

“Here love,” it was Polly who gave you the tea. The saucer rattled as your shaky hands grasped it, pulling it to your mantle covered lap. Your eyes took in the crammed living room - one you had known for years – with blank disinterest. You hadn’t even casted a glance at the liquid tea, and your food lay cold and forgotten beside you.

Polly scooted closer to you on the chaise. You let her. You let her lean over and kiss your hair, now clean and flowery scented after it took Tommy hours to clean it. No water, you remember screaming at him in the tub. Begging. You remember clawing at his shirt like a relentless animal that had escaped years of imprisonment. He took every blow, every curse with steel in his eyes. There was raging ice in them, wrath that waited to be unleashed. Not upon you. But upon the Italian’s that took you from him.

He left just over a quarter-hour ago, taking the anger with him, leaving his warmth with you. “Take care of her,” you remember him telling Polly, who still shook in the aftermath of seeing you so…

Tortured.

Polly disappeared to give you space. Space and time to adjust.

Warmth washed over the room from where the lit hearth was placed, the crackling and popping of burning wood a sound that complemented it. You hadn’t needed to hum, for there was already music drifting through the house from a radio. The scene was all but serene for yourself.

You touched your neck softly, with just the tips of your fingers, remembering what agony took place inside it. Your wrists, once soft and scarless were now marred with burns from the rope you had pulled on tightly one too many times. The clothes. The clothes you had picked out only a day before were discarded, and you sat dressed in the finest silk pajamas with wide pants and buttoned top. The color of the porcelain teacup, appliquéd with not flowers but circles of all shapes and sizes. It was what you had chosen for yourself, deeming it adorable and comfortable enough to wear as sleepwear. Now you felt bare, despite its cap sleeves and ankle long length.

Like the skin wasn’t yours.

All it took to crumble was one look at the tea in hand, one look at the reflection.

You threw the teacup at the wall and screamed.

***

“Is he dead?”

The mattress dipped, a new weight on it. You didn’t move, didn’t nest into the warmth like you loved to do. Only laid with your hands beneath your cheek, looking out of the ceiling high window where the moonlit sky was embracing the world. You dared not to breathe, dared not to make a sound that would disturb the calm night.

For hours, you had tossed and turned. On and on until you decided sleep was a nothing more than a wistful wish you couldn’t have. “Tommy?”

He stayed silent, as if he too knew the delicacy of the night. The sheets rustled but did not pull away from you. You stayed covered, not a speck of your body introduced to the cold.

Then he spoke, “Can I hold you?”

You bit your lip to keep the tears at bay, realizing you had kept him at arm’s length since he came for you.

Late. He had been late.

But he still came.

“He-he said,” you began slowly, speaking into the night itself, trying to not sound as disconnected as you felt. “He said I deserved to die.”

Tommy stilled.

“And he told me to give you a message,” you continued. “He said he will take everything from you. Then put a bullet through your head. So I’m asking you Tommy…is he dead?”

A moment of silence, then like death herself whispered, “Yes.”

Dead. He was dead.

Gone.

You had failed to realize you were crying until your muted cries turned into sobs. Sneaking along your body, shaking you until a body wrapped itself against you. A calm force to keep you grounded.

Tommy kissed the back of your head, “Forgive me. Please.”

He took your hand from beneath your head in his own, pressing it against your chest. Just between your breasts, a place where your frantic heart beat the hardest. You covered your joint hands with your other one, sealing them together. Sealing him to you.

“I’m sorry.”

You grinded your teeth to keep the tears at bay. Tommy kissed your shoulder, your neck. Silent, butterfly light kisses that kept you together.

“Okay,” you croaked, barely audible. Pulling his hand to your mouth, you kissed his callousness with tear-soaked mouth and placed it back against your chest. “Okay.”

Legs tangled, you molded yourself to his body as if he were the only thing standing between you and the demons that loomed over your back.

That night, you dreamt of soundless water. Of floating against it and being pulled under. Of being helpless underneath the surface.

You awoke each time, and Tommy lulled you to sleep with kisses and whispers of reassurance. It was a dance newly started, but you weren’t alone to dance it.    

Note: If you enjoyed reading this fic do check out my other work by clicking on one of my masterlist links. If it’s not a bother leave a like, comment and/or reblog. It gives me motivation and lets me know that you liked what I wrote. <3

If you would perhaps want to read some of my work earlier, you can check out my AO3profile, I’ll always make sure to tell you guys when a fic is posted on there in advance!

Lastly, if you wish to be tagged under any of my future fics go to mytag list ! I no longer take requests through ask, dm, comments anymore. Once on my tag list post you’ll find a link to a Google Form that you have to fill out in order for your request to be valid! x

✭ PEAKY BLINDERS:

@lovemissyhoneybee@thanossexual@marvel-ousnesss@sextvpes @heartbreak-of-a-marauder​ @killerstvles @navs-bhat@kpoptrash2000 @softieekayy

✭TOMMY SHELBY:

@captivatedbycillianmurphy​​@remusflirts​​@peakyxtommy​​@sarcasm-n-insomnia​​

Requested:yes(x)
Published:November 23rd, 2021
Pairing:Tommy Shelby x Daughter!Reader
Prompt(s):none[my prompt list]
Warning(s):none
Word count:900ish
Author’s note: Trying out a different approach (one I really like). Writing Tommy x Anything will be in 3rd POV from now on. Only romantic stories will be written with the reader as YOU! 

☇ my navigation

“Good evening, Mr. Shelby.”

A word of response hadn’t needed to come to give the maid a move, only a shadow of a dark clothed man breezing past the tall corridors of the mansion. She hurried out of the way with a nod, returning to her ever the same duties at hand. Tending to the kitchen, laundry, taking the snow-white dog out for a loo all awaited her. First comes the canine, she decided, because Mr. Shelby’s daughter loved it more than herself, and it felt humanely right to dot over a living thing before laundry.

Just as she would round the corridor did her masters voice reason, “Where is Y/N?”

His darling daughter. The maid fought the ghost of a smile that threatened to appear as she turned head and with a polite nod said, “In her room, sir.”

Tommy’s head bobbed once to show he heard, and then he was fully out of view. First his shoulders disappeared and then the ends of his charcoal coat.

Somehow, a man as dark as himself on a mission to see his little girl did not alarm her. Did not make her feel as though she should be around to act as a shield to the child.

Only burnt toast and talking to the coppers could get her fired.

Along with thinking that he could ever lay a hand on the joy of his world.

His daughter.

The dog barked once. Twice.

Then she too was wholly out of view, her skirts a billowing force behind her.

***

“Y/N?”

The light was a dim feature in the room, barely enough to help one get around, but enough to help read the room.

Tommy’s heart quickened in a way it didn’t all day. A way not possible unless linked to his little girl. He swallowed, then asked the air again, hoping for a childish answer. “Y/N?”

For one, the room was in utter chaos. Sheets all over the floor, stuffed toys out of the box and near the unlit hearth. The mental catalog ran true in his brain as he searched for the one living thing, he cared about but came out empty.

He clamped one hand roughly against the sheets on the bed and pulled, revealing only silky emptiness. He grabbed a stuffed teddy bear almost the size of his three-year-old and threw is across the room. He walked over to the toy box lit by the moonlight and roughly opened it, hoping to see his sleeping angel inside but came out empty-handed. Tommy slammed the box closed and when wood met wood a sound so loud and heavy reasoned through the room until it was only his shallow breaths that were left.

Alongside a soft gasp of a child.

Tommy spun around, clear, blue eyes as wild as the wind howling outside, and felt a weight of a chest so heavy it pulled him down lift above him until there was only clarity of the moment.

There she was.

Underneath the fortress of stuffed teddies and tangled sheets, small eyed and tired. She rubbed at her eyes groggily, but when her eyes met with those of her father’s, she beamed and stretched out her arms like wings. “Papa.” She said, and Tommy’s heart melted in the purest way.

It took him two steps to have her in his arms, “Come here, love.”

But she shook her head and pushed at his chest, refusing to nestle into his warmth. She pointed one small finger toward her mass of forts in the shelves and on the floor. “Here, here.”

Tommy heaved a chuckle, but settled her nevertheless. “Yeah?”

His daughter grabbed his finger in her hand and pulled, “With me.”

“I don’t think there’s enough room.”

In answer, she grabbed her stuffed bunny by the ears and threw it as far as she could with her small arms and so little true strength. There was even less space than it was before she did so, but Tommy could only smile as he settled down with her, removing his coat and shoes before gracing the floor and grabbing a big pillow off her bed. He settled it behind her back until she lied comfortably atop it. Then watched her drift to sleep peacefully, at peace because he knew he was there beside her and no one could take her from him.

Then the door creaked open, and he switched his weight until he could see who loomed through the crack. The corridor was heavy with cold, but it was soon that a small ball of fur as white as snow barreled through the gap and settled beside Tommy’s side.

The maid that brought the pup peaked inside, her face warm and impassive. If she was surprised to see him, then she didn’t show it. “Anything I can do for you, Mr. Shelby?”

Tommy grabbed the puppy with one rough hand and settled him beside his daughter, watching as it snuggled beside her and went dead to sleep, too. Then he turned to the maid and shook his head as a no, but under the influence of so much warmth and love, his words accompanied his gesture for once. “No, thank you. You go get some sleep, Millie.”

Millie nodded solemnly, and closed the door behind her, grateful to be acknowledged by her boss, even if it were for the shortest of seconds. Even if it were because the darkness in him subdued because the light his daughter provided was too strong to be fought against.

She was his castle of safe harbor.

An anchor that kept his wounded soul together.

Note: If you enjoyed reading this fic do check out my other work by clicking on one of my masterlist links. If it’s not a bother leave a like, comment and/or reblog. It gives me motivation and lets me know that you liked what I wrote. <3

If you would perhaps want to read some of my work earlier, you can check out my AO3profile, I’ll always make sure to tell you guys when a fic is posted on there in advance!

Lastly, if you wish to be tagged under any of my future fics go to my tag list ! I no longer take requests through ask, dm, comments anymore. Once on my tag list post you’ll find a link to a Google Form that you have to fill out in order for your request to be valid! x

✭ PEAKY BLINDERS:

@lovemissyhoneybee@thanossexual@marvel-ousnesss@sextvpes @heartbreak-of-a-marauder@killerstvles@navs-bhat​@kpoptrash2000 @softieekayy

✭TOMMY SHELBY:

@captivatedbycillianmurphy​@remusflirts​@peakyxtommy​@sarcasm-n-insomnia​

Requested:no
Published:November 5th, 2021
Pairing:Tommy Shelby x Female!Reader
Prompt(s):none[my prompt list]
Warning(s):none
Word count:2.4k
Author’s note: Someone commented on Ao3 that there “could have got a flash back to that night of them being together and her leaving “ and I competely agree, so there is one thing you must know before reading: I was waaay more into writing about horses and racing and training and all that fun jazz and making y/n a professional and sophisticated baddie (it’s what prompted me to write this in the first place lol) than her and Tommy WHOOPS! That idea would’ve been so spicy though! Maybe next time!<3

☇ my navigation //GIF//

“Isn’t he absolutely wonderful?” You beamed, the question not even needing an answer as your words drowned in the myriad of applauding voices. The presenter’s voice could be vaguely made out, but one thing was clear to all:

It was your horse that brought it home.

“Fat Joe came through alright?”

You laughed a jolly laugh but gave your close friend a push in the shoulder, looking at him for a fraction of a second before turning to the muddy racetrack. “He is not fat Philip. He is perfect. Bravo Joe! Bra-vo!”

Your friend chuckled, matching the quick pace of your claps to his. Another victory this is for Joe, another mark in his journey. A medal of honor, and flowers to match.

It wasn’t about the money for you. Horses were your whole life. For some they passed as the most leisure of activities, but you made a name for yourself in it. Quite a quick start you had, as a duke’s daughter. Money flowed, allowing things one can’t even imagine. All in favor of the horses you had in your possession. A winning streak at only three and twenty of age.

You smoothed out your skirt and smiled at the cameras that flashed beneath.

Philip Clark was your racing manager and a close friend, and it was with him that you took your horse back to the estate where the magic had first happened. Clapping awaited Joe, people who gave as much as you did to make sure he is in his best form stood at the front gate after he came back from his win.

“How old is he now? Four?” Asked Philip even though he knew the answer.

You smiled as your hands patted his silky, black coat. He was calm, Joe, now that he was in the safety of his stall. Able to breathe in his winnings. “He’s not there yet, but yes he’s very close to four.”

“You ought to retire him now Y/N.”

“Retire him?” You furrowed your brows, “But he’s in his prime.”

“That’s exactly why I think you should do it,” Philip encouraged, walking around the stallion to meet you. His gloved hand matched the rhythm of your own and he began to gently stroke the gallant warrior. “Life as a stud would do him good with the track record he has. And you too. Think of all the money.”

You scoffed, “Believe me, money doesn’t tempt me.”

“It should,” stated Philip. “Joe’s the best middle-distance horse in Europe. Owned and trained by you. He has a column in the newspaper every week. He’ll bring in thousands of pounds as a stud.”

“That is quite true,” you rocked on your heels and eventually gave in. “But we need good candidates. Calm, gentle mares. Joe’s skittish sometimes.”

“Or maybe he needs a strong-wielded mare,” your friend said instead, his voice laced in unspoken truths. He peeled himself away from both you and Joe, making a dash for the exit. “Like any man in his right mind.”

Your laughter followed him out, “He’s a horse Philip, not a man!”

“Men are horses too sometimes! It’s hardly a different thing.”

And that was that.

***

“He has a reputation, my lady.”

“I find that I have no problem with that,” you replied to the employee, and turned to Philip for advice. “Is Mr. Shelby’s mare any good? Her color is wonderful. I see great temperament in her too.”

“Yes, yes she is.”

You nodded and turned to observe the mare again, but your eyes followed her owners. Across the dirty path stood a group of men, clothed as darkly as Joe’s midnight coat, looking all but excited to be here. At the front of the group a man rested with his gloved hands clasped at his front. The hat on his head shielded most of what looked to be a strong jaw and hidden blue gems for eyes. Quite handsome if one looked better under his hat. But demeanor wholly different from the filly that was prancing around, enjoying the attention. She had the strangest pallet of colors, but they all complemented each other well. A fine mare, and you wondered if she would be a match for your winner.

You would not let the aloof behavior put you off. These men should be grateful for your agreement.

“And her trainer?”

“May Carleton.”

You wolf whistled, sold on the arrangement. “Wonderful,” you said with a nod. “I’m sure she’ll make a fine candidate. But I should like to speak to her owner first. Make sure we are on the same grounds. I heard there was a fiasco at the Derby last year. It makes me wonder how the mare fares.”

“Yes,” agreed Philip. “She did make a solid placement.”

“What is her name?” It felt foolish to ask it now when the horse had already gone. When one meets the other, names are the first thing exchanged.

“Grace’s Secret.”

You casted your eyes on the front man, wondering if there is a meaning behind her name.

As if he knew, he lifted his chin from the ground and glanced at you. Indeed, his eyes were a shade of blue you have yet to see but so beautiful all the same. His eyes went over your styled hair and the shawl that covered it from the wind then over the fitted dark green vest, down to the tips of your knee-high, polished to perfection riding boots.

Yes. There is definitely a secret there.

And the mystery made you place one foot in front of the other and ask him to take a walk with you.

***

“Townsend Joe?”

“Yes,” you replied as a matter of fact, willing your bones to calm. “It is what I get after letting my nephew name him. But I think I quite like it. Makes for a fine brand.”

The two of you were two willowy dots by the fence looking over the field that became somewhat of a playground for horses. Townsend Joe relaxed idly and nipped at the grass here and there. The sugar cubes wrapped in a handkerchief waited in your front pocket. You dug your hands into the pockets of your trousers and dared not to look at the man beside you.

His warmth seeped through your clothes, travelling and warming you up. Thomas paid no mind to the way it made you feel, man’s proximity, and if he did then he was great at not showing it.

“I don’t doubt it.” Was all he said, drawing out a cigarette. His gloved hand offered you one, and you shook your head.

“My father’s a smoker,” you said. “Wouldn’t dream of catching his cough.”

Tommy chuckled beside you but drew a breath nevertheless. It’s his own demise. Smoking.

Your chipper voice mixed with wind as you continued to talk names, “And you? What secret lies behind Grace’s?”

“One not worth telling.”

Men and their simple answers. It came as no surprise that you enjoyed Philip’s company so much. He spoke his mind and littered words all over the person he spoke with. Yet your heart raced with men of few words. It always did. And it always will.

He has a reputation.

That was supposed to be a warning.

It did quite the opposite.

“You will find it Mr. Shelby,” you began after taking in a deep breath of the damp air, “that we tell our stories in the names of our horses.” You turned to look at him, catching those ocean eyes in your own. They were curious. Tempted to know more. “Alas, not in the case of Joe but perhaps in other. He is, after all, not my only horse.”

“You train them all, Mrs. Y/LN?”

“Miss,” you corrected him with a polite smile, and turned to the field so he wouldn’t see your rose-stained cheeks. “I don’t make a habit out of training. I own quite a number of them. Joe was a gift from my father-”

“The duke.”

You chuckled, albeit warily. He said the title with a bitter undertone. “Yes, the duke. I highly doubt that frightens you.”

Then you looked him over, your eyes like lasers into his, pinning him in place to prove a point. “I don’t think there are many things that scare a man like yourself.”

His gaze made you breathless and had you feeling like you were the only woman in the world. Above you, the sky turned into a gray hue, though not gray enough to showcase rain, but enough to enhance the black in his clothes and paleness of his features. “Your father gave you the horse?”

You swallowed and spoke with the weight of his eyes still on you. “Gifted yes, and I raised him so it felt right to train him too. Philip helped me of course, but it’s hardly an effort to deal with numbers don’t you think?”

“You trust him?”

The question took you aback, “Of course I do. He’s my closest friend.”

“Is he?”

“Mr. Shelby such cryptic words will get you nowhere,” you told him and tug your tongue in your cheek, shaking your head. “Especially not in this business.”

“I’ve been faring quite well.” He said and took a casual drag.

“As arrogant as your horse,” you noted. “I wonder how fun it must be for May to work beside you. She is after all your horse’s trainer. I, on the other hand, am here to allow your dam a quick roll in the hay with my sire. You plan to race the yearling?”

“Don’t know yet.”

“Well, I hope you do,” you said, suddenly irritated by the man. “Joe’s had a fine career. So has your Grace.”

Your words had meaning. Your Grace. That was a plan wrapped in silk to get out a reaction. How well you executed it told you his knowing eyes and the smirk that tugged at his lips. “You think something will come out of it?”

Your calm air broke at that, “Why are you here Mr. Shelby?”

“Tommy.” Was all he said in return.

You shook your head like he was crazy, “I will not call you that.”

“Thomas then.” He seemed to settle on that.

“Mr. Shelby-” You wholly turned to face him, the lapels of your west almost brushing against his. It took you by surprise, the proximity, because he was not so close before. You swallowed, dared not to look at the lips he drew sinful smoke with, “Thomas…whyareyou here? I’d trust a man who came all this way to breed his filly would know what to do with the horse that will come out. Is there perhaps a secret agenda you’re following? Whyever-”

“Do you remember me?”

You took a step back. Remember?

Do you remember me?

Why would-

“You.”

Suddenly anger flared in your veins, overcoming your senses like a fog. You turned on your heel, ready to leave him be. Facts came rushing back, accompanied by foul memories and wicked flashbacks. That one night in the great city of London.

You repeated yourself.

He knew about Joe. Knew about him being a gift.

He knew and stayed silent.

Why? To see how you act out of sheets? To see how you look adorned in work clothes?

You didn’t get far before feeling pressure on your swinging writs. One hard pull and you were against a chest you scratched with your nails senseless.

“Look at me.”

Your eyes were closed, and you didn’t even realize.

He repeated himself again after you shook your head. Then you felt his voice against your ear, his warm breath tickling your neck. The way his hand curled around your waist while the other one stayed shackled around your wrist. Your breathing turned shallow, goosebumps erupting on your silky skin. “Do you think of me as a fool?”

“No,” Tommy said.

You yanked your arm; he didn’t let go. “Then why are you doing this? Humiliating me? You think this is a joke? Is this your twisted trick at getting me into your bed again?”

“I don’t need tricks to get you in my bed Y/N,” he replied, voice laced with truth. “Why?”

You heard the unspoken extension of his question.

Why did you leave?

Why did you leave him alone in the bed and sneaked out like a shadow with only your clothes in hand? After a night spent in the sheets, where he took you over and over again, why did you leave? Why not stay?

“I don’t do meaningless sex Tommy.” It felt weird to say it out loud. “That night…I wasn’t myself. I needed…”

Silence.

“I needed to let it go.”

“Did you?”

“No,” you admitted. “Far from it. I had a taste of something I cannot have. Besides, I didn’t even tell you, my name. How did you find me?”

“When I want something, I find it.”

“And why do you want me?”

You move backward until your back is pressing hard against the fence. Tommy stops only when his face is just a few inches away from yours. This up close, he looks even more handsome. His pale skin. Sharp jaw and slight, almost invisible stubble. Dark eyelashes framing blue eyes, the color of ice.

The air sizzles between you. There is no mistaking the look of pure possession in his eyes. Only the sounds of your breathing and distant galloping of Joe’s legs are heard in the air. He’s like a shadow, eating you up until there is nothing but him. “Because you want me too.”

Then his lips took yours. Rough and commanding, knocking out air from your lungs. You’re taken back to that dark London night, the club and the blinging chandeliers. To the dark hotel room where you came with ecstasy over the course of an entire night.

You forgot how alive his hands made you feel. How blinded with lust his lips made you feel.

When you pulled apart, you buried your hands into his coat and asked, keeping your voice light and even, “You are still planning to go through with the arrangement? Joe’s quite taken with her.”

Tommy’s chuckle followed a question, “Philip?”

You looked at him, “What about Philip?”

“He’s loves you.” He said the information as if he was talking about the weather.

“But I’m not in love with him.”

It seemed to settle the storm in him. You kissed him once more, loving the way his lips felt against your own and grabbed the ends of his coat, urging him to follow. “Come. I promise you that I won’t run this time.”

Note: If you enjoyed reading this fic do check out my other work by clicking on one of my masterlist links. If it’s not a bother leave a like, comment and/or reblog. It gives me motivation and lets me know that you liked what I wrote. <3

If you would perhaps want to read some of my work earlier, you can check out myAO3profile, I’ll always make sure to tell you guys when a fic is posted on there in advance!

Lastly, if you wish to be tagged under any of my future fics go to my tag list ! I no longer take requests through ask, dm, comments anymore. Once on my tag list post you’ll find a link to a Google Form that you have to fill out in order for your request to be valid! x

✭GENERAL(allWIPs):

@fofisstilinski@short-potato@miranda0102 @httphiddlestan@caromichaela@xx-missunicorn-xx@jemmakates @wandamaxim0f​ @chefdoeuvre@just-arather-veryconfused-being@crazy0lu@thirstykpophoe@theletterhart​@nocturnalherb16​@sj-thefan​@bittytish@stephhevring​@e-lysium@itisjustwhatitis@sunflowerangel21@agentstarkid@keithseabrook27@jemimah-b99​@peakyweirdo​ @fanofalltheficsx @miraclesoflove​@ethereal-moongod​

✭ PEAKY BLINDERS:

@lovemissyhoneybee@thanossexual@marvel-ousnesss@sextvpes @heartbreak-of-a-marauder@killerstvles@navs-bhat​@kpoptrash2000​  @softieekayy​

✭TOMMY SHELBY:

@captivatedbycillianmurphy​@remusflirts​@peakyxtommy​@sarcasm-n-insomnia​

I know this is random (believe me it is) but I’ve written a Tommy one shot completely out of the blue today. I really enjoyed it idk I hope you will too! 
SUMMARY: Working with horses is what you deemed yourself good enough at to be able to make a living out of. But your all-star champion needs to retire while he’s at his best because it’s a smart move on the business side of things. He’ll do you good in other departments, and with a small twist of fate bring back someone who you’ve long since forgotten about.

I have posted this already on Ao3 (this is only a snippet from Word) and you can go check it out N-O-W. ☛ click here

♘ my navigation

✒ ONE SHOTS:

1. “Absinthe”

My main masterlist♡

Violent Melody - Tommy Shelby

Summary: Tommy hires you to sing at the Garrison and after growing fond of you and your performances, takes it upon himself to be your protector.

Word Count: 1,308

Warnings: Harassment, violence

It wouldn’t hurt the Garrison to have a little culture. That’s what Polly had told him, and that’s what led to hours of auditioning girls to sing at the Garrison a few nights a week. Tommy was keen on finding just the right girl to bring the aforementioned culture to their little pub. And as soon as you hit that first note, he knew that singer was going to be you. He let Arthur and John put in their opinions as well, but regardless what they’d said, Tommy had more than made up his mind. You were everything he was searching for. Beautiful and unobtainable in the way that lounge and pub singers often were, a starlet plucked from the crowd on her way towards her big break. And with the voice of an angel to boot.

“You’re hired,” Tommy said with a smile, a smile which only grew when you beamed one of your own right back at him. His brothers nodded in approval and you started with your first set at the Garrison that very night. It was a small crowd for your first performance. Tommy promised you a bigger audience the following night, when he’d had time to get the word around, but you were happy enough with the smaller, more intimate crowd for a warm up. You actually thought you could grow comfortable there.

As promised, however, the following night did bring in a much larger crowd for you to perform for. Though it was a bit more intimidating, you dazzled just as you had the night before, and during your initial audition. The applause was infectious, and you were finding more confidence in your voice and performance.

Before you knew it a month had gone by and your gig was less new and more familiar, but nonetheless thrilling. Every time you got on stage you felt like a new person, radiating an energy unlike any you’d ever had offstage. And it was always fueled by the familiar face of Thomas Shelby in the crowd. Sometimes he’d sit front and center, often when he was alone. Other times, he’d sit in the back with various other members of the Shelby clan. Either way, you knew the night would be a great one just for seeing his face as he listened to you sing.

This night, however, wasn’t quite as normal as the rest. You began your first number as always, soaking in the spotlight, and searching the room for Tommy’s face, spotting him towards the back this time, sitting with Arthur. A sense of relief washed over you as you continued your song. Eyes fixed on Tommy, you didn’t notice the man sitting in front, eyeing you up and down. A couple of songs later, and you were ready for your intermission.

You loved the reprieve, being able to rest your voice for a few minutes and have a drink before getting back to it. It made your job feel more like a fun night out, and it had all been courtesy of one Thomas Shelby. Typically, he came over and asked how you were doing, but tonight some other bloke had beat him to it.

“Evening, gorgeous,” the man flirted with you as he sidled up to the bar. You gave him a polite smile, but nothing more, having gotten used to your fair share of passes being made at you. He ordered you a drink you didn’t ask for and shimmied closer. You tried to put some distance between the two of you, but he kept pursuing you. “What’s wrong, pretty baby? I can treat you right if you give me the chance.”

He stunk of alcohol, and you didn’t trust him. You thought of taking yourself outside for a moment, claiming to need a breath of fresh air, but luckily for you, one had already come to you. Stepping right in between you and the nuisance of a man was Tommy. You hadn’t seen him since you walked off stage, but you were happy for the sight of him now. “You harassing a lady in my pub,” he asked, a thinly veiled threat woven into the tone of his words.

“No, Mr. Shelby,” the man replied confidently. “Just buying your chanteuse here a drink. It’s her that’s being frigid. She may have a pretty voice, but the bitch don’t know how to take it when a man pays her a compliment.”

You thought Tommy was going to throw him out or give him a speech about respecting women, but you weren’t expecting him to pull back his arm and meet the man’s face with his fist. The punch sounded like it cracked bone, and you felt your stomach lurch at the sound. You hadn’t realized just how strong of a man Tommy was until then.

Before the fight could escalate, you got a fair distance away from the action, not wanting to get yourself injured in the midst of everything. While your harasser was getting the worse end of the fight, he did manage to clock Tommy in the jaw once before Arthur stepped in and hauled the offender outside, essentially throwing him on his ass at the door. “And don’t you come back, eh,” you heard Arthur shout to him and he stumbled off.

Your heart was still beating hard in your chest as the Garrison’s door swung shut with that good for nothing on the other side of it. “You okay, Tom,” Arthur asked, as he came back towards the bar. Tommy held his fist in his other hand, indicating he’d injured it, but of course, his pride wouldn’t let him admit it, even to his brother.

“I’m alright, Arthur. Can you bring me and the girl a whiskey?” Arthur nodded and placed the order with the bartender as Tommy made his way over to you.

“Some fight,” you remarked, taking in the state of him. “You always jump to a woman’s defense like that?”

“Maybe not as often as I should,” Tommy replied, “but for you, always.”

You scrunched your face up, trying to figure him out. “Thomas Shelby, do you fancy me?” Arthur showed up just then with Tommy’s requested drinks, allowing him a moment to consider his answer. If Arthur had heard your question, he was wise enough not to insert himself into the conversation.

When he’d gone, Tommy took his gaze off his wounded hand long enough to meet your eyes and he felt compelled to be honest with you. “I suppose I do,” he confessed. “Ever since you started here, I felt protective of you. Guess now I’m learning why that is.” He paused for a moment, trying to read your expression. “I don’t expect anything,” he quickly added.

“Well I think you deserve a bit of gratitude at least. While I don’t normally encourage violence, I appreciate you setting him straight for me. I hate to think where it might have gone had you not stepped in when you did.”

At this Tommy smiled, only fleetingly as a wince of pain followed when he flexed his hand. “Are you sure you’re alright,” you questioned.

“Fine. Bruised, most likely. Nothing I haven’t dealt with before. Aunt Polly will see to it.”

“I could, if you’d be willing. I haven’t always made my living as a pub singer, you know?”

“Yeah? Alright. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

“Lets get you elsewhere first. The Garrison, while one of the nicer establishments in the area, is no place to tend to wounds.”

“I think our patrons might miss their favorite singer,” Tommy reasoned.

“Pretty sure my employer will understand,” you teased, getting up from the table. You held your hand out to him and he accepted it with his good hand.

“I hear he’s an understanding sort of man,” Tommy quipped back.

“That he is,” you replied.

Tommy Shelby:@tinktheartist,@riveranddoctorsong123,@beth-gallagher22,@locke-writes,@lora21,@thegirlwhoistrying,@ghostsunderstoodmysoul

Petty-Thomas Shelby x Reader

(GIF credit to@zodiacc)

MASTERLIST

Requested by anonymous: ‘Hi, I’ve been reading your works and really love your writing and would like to ask for one too Could you write Tommy Shelby x Reader who he’s known since childhood, basically his first love, an angel for him, they have a feeling for each other growing up but never said it out. Then there’s Grace and the story gets more complicated because she(reader) thought that Tommy is in love with Grace when actually he is in love with her, so he confessed his feeling.’

Characters:Thomas Shelby x Reader, mentions of other Shelby family

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings:Swearing, sexual themes, arguing, jealousy

                                         *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Here’s the papers you wanted, Tommy.”

Ah, there she was. Tommy waited to hear that voice every morning. He went to work desperate to just catch a glimpse of her before he had to get back to business. Looking up from his writings, he held back a smile as (Y/N) approached him, a stack of paper in her hands.

“Morning (Y/N), how come I didn’t get my usual welcome this morning?” he asked with a smirk.

(Y/N) had always made sure to have a hot cup of tea waiting on his desk, with her sat outside his office at her own secretary desk. They would greet each other before going over the agenda for the day and what needed to be done. However, (Y/N) couldn’t be found that morning.

“Oh, well, you would not believe the morning I’ve had.” her professionalism dropped as she perched on the edge of his desk, still angled towards him.

Tommy didn’t hesitate to look at her arse, and how accentuated it was with how she sat. His eyes quickly flicked back to her face as she started speaking again.

“So I came in early as I do, was going to help Pol set up like usual. Poor Sophie is also here, Pol said something about training her up to open so it’s not always us and she’s trustworthy. Anyway, I come in to find Sophie crying next to the safe because she forgot the code Polly gave her, and Pol was shouting orders left, right and centre. Basically, she couldn’t handle Polly’s wrath so I had to help, which took longer than expected.”

“You have had a busy morning.”

“Haven’t I just?”

“What would we do without you, eh?”

“Not much. Especially you.”

“Is that right?”

“You couldn’t even get these papers off my desk yourself. It’s only situated outside the door, Tommy.”

“Keep talking like that and you might just face the consequences.”

“Oh? You going to fire me?”

“No.”

“Then what are you going to do to me?”

Tommy leaned back in his seat, lighting up a cigarette.“You’d have to wait and see.”

(Y/N) couldn’t deny that this was getting her hot and bothered. She and Tommy always bantered and flirted like this, though over the past few years, their words had become more and more bold. They knew each other since they were children, growing up on the same street and playing together. Their friendship stayed strong as they grew up, everyone always teased the pair that they would get married one day, making the teenagers blush. It was as if they both knew about their feelings for one another, but neither wanted to act upon it, in fear that their assumptions were wrong and they would ruin the long friendship they had.

Tommy and (Y/N) would make a very attractive pair. Of course Tommy had the sharp Shelby look, a mysterious man that enticed women, he was confident, smart; he knew what he wanted and how to take charge. And (Y/N) was no doubt one of the most beautiful women in Small Heath. She stood out from the other workers, she had an aura about her, something that said I know my worth and you can’t tell me otherwise. It wasn’t arrogant, it was strong, yet she was also one of the sweetest people you could meet in a shit hole like this. It was a wonder why a man hadn’t married her yet…actually it wasn’t, it was because Thomas Shelby always scared them away.

“Still going for drinks at the Garrison tonight?” (Y/N) said as she got off the desk.

“If I must.”

She laughed, making her way to the door.“Oh come on Tommy, you love going really.”

“Only when you’re there.”

(Y/N) smiled at him one last time before leaving the room, her confident facade disappearing instantly. Tommy really made her nervous, in a good way. Although it frustrated her too; some mornings she would try to hype herself up, finally tell Tommy how she felt about him, hoping he felt the same. It had been going on for so long between them, it was agonising.

The work day went by as it always did, filled with flirty remarks between the two, lingering touches when passing things to one another, longing looks. Finally, it was time to head to the pub. (Y/N) was on Tommy’s arm as they walked, a normal sight. As they entered the pub, (Y/N) noticed Tommy’s attention fall on someone else, a blonde barmaid. She hadn’t seen this one before.

“Tommy? You coming?” (Y/N) tried to sound light, tugging on his arm towards the private room.

“I’ll meet you there.”

He didn’t even look at her as he spoke. Sadly she pulled away from him, following the rest of the Shelby’s. (Y/N) put on a smiling face, despite worrying about what Tommy was doing with that barmaid. She had no right to, they weren’t together. When the window to the bar opened, (Y/N) grabbed the drinks, wanting to peak through. As she slowly slid them towards herself, she saw them in deep conversation, Tommy casually leaning again the bar, the barmaid seemingly cool and collected as she spoke to Tommy; women were always flustered around him, which he didn’t care for, and this worried (Y/N), because what if he took an interest in her?

“Take your time love!” Arthur laughed.

Trying to distract herself by playing cards with the boys, (Y/N) found herself glancing up to the door every time a shadow passed it. She found herself losing every round, not being an amazing player anyway, though it was as if she had never played before. When Tommy did decide to join them, (Y/N) suddenly didn’t want to speak to him.

“What took you so long?” Arthur asked as his brother sat down next to (Y/N).

“Didn’t you see the new bird at the bar? Tommy wasn’t wasting any time.” John chuckled.

(Y/N) kept her eyes down on her cards. Tommy glanced at (Y/N)’s cards, leaning over to whisper in her ear.

“You’re doing terrible tonight.”

“Thanks.” It was blunt, it was rude.

“I can help you win.”

“I don’t need your help.”

Now Tommy could see the first reply wasn’t an accident, she had meant to snap at him.

“What’s up with you?”

“Oh, you’re actually paying attention now?”

“What?”

(Y/N) didn’t answer, continuing the game. Tommy remained silent, perplexed at the woman’s behaviour. What had he missed? He wondered if his brothers had said anything, but she wouldn’t be playing with them still if they had.

Luckily, the family didn’t stay for very long that night. They still had work the next day, and although that didn’t usually stop them, it was going to be a busy day, a big race was on, meaning lots of betters would swarm the shop. Although (Y/N) was still pissed at Tommy, she expected him to walk her home like he always did. Gathering her things and saying goodbye to everyone, she turned to see if Tommy was also ready to leave, frowning at the sight. There he was, leaning against the bar, talking to that barmaid again. (Y/N) made herself known as she walked over, letting her heels click loudly on the floor.

“Tommy, you coming?” she asked, using his nickname.

“I need to stay. Business.” he lazily replied.

“But, you always walk me home.”

“Not tonight. One of my brothers will.”

(Y/N) glared at the woman across the bar. Maybe it wasn’t her fault that Tommy was staying, but it didn’t annoy her any less. Whipping around, she quickly made her exit, slamming the door behind her before catching up to the other Shelby’s. John and Arthur walked (Y/N) back to her home, not taking any notice of her temper. She was quiet for the most part, only speaking when spoken to. Were all men so oblivious?

Once again, Tommy didn’t see (Y/N) at her desk, assuming she was already busy with work. She would pop in soon enough. Settling down in his seat, he noticed there was already two stacks of papers in front of him, before he had even asked to see them. Perhaps (Y/N) had to help the floor today, and made sure he was set up first. But as he sifted through them, he noticed they weren’t in categorical order, the dates were all mixed up, some things had been signed and others weren’t. Confused at her lack of organisation, Tommy headed towards the door, poking his head out of it.

“Where’s (Y/N)?” he asked an employee rushing by.

“Oh, she’s out on the floor, Mr Shelby. She offered to help seeing as it’s the big race today.”

Tommy just nodded, dismissing the man. Stepping out of his office, Tommy scanned the room for her, it was hard to see through the hoards of people in such a small space. As soon as he spotted her on the other side of the room, he made his way through, not caring if he had to push a few people away.

“Why aren’t you at your desk?”

(Y/N) was bending low over a table, scribbling down names and numbers.“Good morning, Mr Shelby.”

“Are you trying to play a game here?”

“I’m simply working, sir.”

That would have sounded a lot more pleasing to him if she wasn’t being so snappy with him.

“I appreciate that you’re helping but those papers you put on my desk are not up to standard.”

She still hadn’t looked at him.“I didn’t have time this morning. There were floods of people as soon as we opened. I assumed you could organise them yourself, you’re a clever man.”

“If you weren’t like a member of the family (Y/N), you could be fired for speaking to me like that.”

“That’s alright, I’ll get a job at the Garrison, like that pretty, little barmaid. Then you might actually notice me.”

“What?”

She sighed, standing up straight.“Would you like me to put those papers in order for you, Mr Shelby?”

“Why are you angry with me?”

“I’m not.”

“I don’t have time to argue about this. Return to your desk and get on with your usual work.”

They stared at each other, not wanting to be the first to fold. (Y/N) pouted, making a show of herself walking away from Tommy. He followed her a few steps behind, watching as she dropped into her seat, immediately getting on with work, and not looking at him once again.

“My usual tea would be nice.” he spat before disappearing back into his office.

The day went on like that. (Y/N) brought him a cup of tea but it wasn’t how he liked it, the second time she made it, she purposefully used like warm water so it was cold by the time she brought it to him. She gave him pens that were low on ink or just broken, stale biscuits to nibble on; it was all very petty but she didn’t care. It was the only way she could get back at him.

After a very long and busy day, the workers were excited to head home and put their feet up. (Y/N) always walked home with Tommy, or at least said bye to him if he could leave. But not tonight. She was making a run for it. Apparently she wasn’t running fast enough.

“(Y/N), a word.” Tommy ordered before she could even walk past his door.

Huffing, she slumped into his office, loudly closing the door. He held eye contact with her as she approached the desk, not offering her a seat.

“Yes, Mr Shelby?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you today?”

“The fact that I have to tell you annoys me even more.”

“So I’ve done something?”

“Yes.”

“And what did I do to upset you so much?”

“You…you didn’t walk me home last night.” she felt childish saying it out loud, even though that wasn’t the actual reason she was upset.

He scoffed.“That’s why you’ve been a bad secretary today, eh? And what the fuck is all this formality about?”

“It’s professional, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, fucking professional to bring me the wrong paperwork.”

“It’s not like you need me to figure out how to put papers in date order.”

“It’s your job, (Y/N). You make my job easier, that’s what you do. This isn’t just because I didn’t walk you home last night, what’s happened?”

She had no defence, she didn’t know what else to say. She couldn’t tell him the real reason, it would seem so foolish.

“It’s nothing.” she mumbled.

Tommy noticed the change in her demeanor.“(Y/N), has something happened that I don’t know about?”

Technically yes.

“I’m fine. Can I go home please?”

“No. You can’t go home.” he stood up, coming to stand in front of her.“I’m not letting you leave until you tell me what’s wrong.”

(Y/N) was silent.

“You said something about noticing you, earlier today. Why?”

“I think you’re looking too deep into-”

“Why?”

(Y/N) had to bite the bullet. She couldn’t come up with another bullshit story fast enough. Even it she did, it wouldn’t be believable.

“I was jealous.”

“Jealous about what?”

“You and the barmaid. As soon as we walked into the Garrison I was invisible. You wouldn’t even look at me. The way you looked at her, I wanted you to have that much attention for me. I want…I want something more Tommy.”

“I have never looked at another woman the way I look at you, let alone that barmaid.”

“Don’t lie. It was like you were infatuated with her.”

“I was interested because she’s not the regular type of person to work in that kind of place. She’s suspicious, I don’t trust her. I was trying to get information about her. And I couldn’t let thatvmoment go to waste, I stayed behind because she was more open with no one around.”

“So, you weren’t trying to sleep with her?”

“No.”

“But you-”

“(Y/N). I’m not interested in her, at all. Let’s be blunt, we both know we’ve been wasting time.”

“What?”

“Did you hear what I said? I can’t look at any other women and not compare them to you. You are above everyone and everything else in my life. I’ve never said any of this to you because of what I do. You were already in danger because of how close you were to the family. But I’ve realised I can’t keep using that as an excuse. I need you (Y/N), I want you.”

“You really mean it? You’re not just saying all these things? Because you have to mean it, Tommy. I…I’ve loved you for so long and waited, and waited, and waited for something to miraculously happen. I don’t want to ruin it.”

“You won’t.” he stepped closer to her.“I love you (Y/N), I fucking love you. I have to have you as mine.”

Both of their breaths were getting shallower, they were so close to one another. They had waited for this moment their entire lives. Although it was a sweet moment, the angst that had been building up all day turned into heavy lust. Tommy pulled her towards him by the collar of her coat, roughly smashing their lips together. She instantly gripped onto his waist coat, steadying herself from the sudden action. He turned her around in his grasp so she was against the desk, leaning her back on it. He leant over her as she laid down, kissing her neck.

“Tommy.” she half moaned as he sucked on her neck, her fingers gripping on the back of his head and neck.“We’re…we’re doing this here?”

“Yes.” he breathed out, hovering over her as he hand gripped her thigh. It slowly moved up under her skirt as he continued speaking.“I’ve imagined this scenario too many times. I’m going to fuck you on this desk like I’ve always dreamed of doing, and you’re going to take it.”

The Shy Bride-Bonnie Gold x Shelby!Reader

(GIF credit to@chimestims)

MASTERLIST

Requested by anonymous:‘Can you do a Bonnie gold fic where the reader is a Shelby and he has to marry her for a business deal and they end up getting to know each other even tho the reader is all shy and innocent and doesn’t really like anyone that isn’t family and the golds love her’

Characters: Bonnie Gold x Shelby!Reader, Shelby family x Shelby!Reader, Aberama Gold x Reader (in-laws), Esmeralda Gold x Shelby!Reader (in-laws)

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings:Arranged marriage, swearing, shouting/arguing, sadness, drinking, fluff

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

As I returned home, I eyed up the beautiful dress hanging over the kitchen door, feeling the fabric and admiring it. I had never seen this dress before but it was gorgeous, an extravagant evening gown that every girl would be envious of. But why was it hanging up in Pol’s kitchen?

“Pol, who’s this dress for?” I asked.

“Would be nice if you greeted me first.”

“Sorry, got distracted.”

Polly smiled, but it didn’t seem genuine.“It’s for you actually. A gift from Tommy.”

“For me? Why is Tommy buying me dresses? He’s got good taste actually.”

“For a special occasion apparently. We’re going out somewhere this afternoon.”

“Oh, where?”

“I don’t know (Y/N).” there was a slight snap in her tone, but I assumed she was annoyed by my questions.“Sorry, just got a lot to do.”

“Need help with anything?”

“No, I can handle it. Why don’t you start getting ready?”

“Alright, as long as you’re sure.”

I brushed off Polly’s behaviour. My family could have terrible mood swings at times. I understood why, we were in a gang, life could never be simple and sweet. Taking the dress, I quietly squealed to myself, excited to try it on and get myself dolled up. We must have been going somewhere really fancy, probably just to show our faces, show that Tommy was a real family man to benefit the legitimate side of business, give him a good image.

Luckily I had shoes and accessories to match the dress, spending time on how to style my hair and what lipstick to wear. I was never one to boast, but I looked lovely in this outfit. I didn’t even question where we could be going or who we would be meeting, not if Tommy was going to buy me a special outfit for each occasion. Headed downstairs when I heard my brother’s voices, I was surprised to see them all waiting in the hallway, dressed in their finest suits, and Polly also in one or her best dresses.

“Oh, sorry, am I making us late?”

“No, not at all.” Tommy smiled, which was rare. It made me slightly nervous.

“Right. Um, when are we leaving?”

“Might as well head out now. Come on.”

Tommy took the lead, walking out of the door, Arthur followed with his head down, whereas John looked at me a little longer, seeming angry. Polly had to nudge him to make him move. Once he walked outside, she held her hand out to me, giving me the same smile from earlier. Either something was going on that I didn’t know about or they had just had an argument.

“Pol, me and (Y/N) are going to share a car. The rest of you in the other one.” Tommy informed her.

Pol didn’t even try arguing back. She squeezed my hand before getting into the car in front of us. Tommy had brought two chauffeurs, he didn’t drive as much as he used to now. I wondered why he didn’t just meet us at the place we were going to instead of driving all the way here, though I supposed it was for another photo opportunity.

Nothing was said as we set off, both of us just looking out of the window, watching the landscape around us change. My head turned to look at him as he started taking.

“(Y/N), do you know where we’re going?”

“No, Pol didn’t say anything.”

“Good. Right, uh…This is to do with business.”

“Oh, OK. Is it the usual, stay with you for a bit then mingle with Polly or the boys whilst you get on with business?”

“No, nothing like that. It actually involves you.”

My heart rate had already increased.“Me? What? Am I in danger?”

“You’re perfectly safe. You’re actually going to be even safer after today.”

“Can you just tell me what’s happening Tommy? The nerves are making me breathe funny.”

“I…I had to arrange something.”

“Arrange?” I let out a laugh as a thought came into my head.“You’re not marrying me off are you?”

He didn’t reply.

“Oh my god, you are marrying me off!”

“If I told you before, you wouldn’t have come.”

“Of course I wouldn’t! Who am I marrying? Why am I marrying them? Tommy, how could you do this to me?!”

I placed a hand over my chest, feeling like my heart was going to burst out of my chest, my lungs were so tight, I couldn’t breathe properly.

“(Y/N), calm down, breathe.”

“How can I? You’re selling me, you’re making me live the rest of my life with a stranger!”

“They’re not a stranger.”

“Who is it then?”

“It’s Bonnie Gold.”

“BONNIE GOLD?!”

This was so random. Why was I marrying him? I didn’t know him, all I knew about him was how he and his family were now helping protect ours. Tommy also got him a boxing deal, but what did that have to do with me? Why was I being forced to do something? It was just like John all over again.

“It was part of a deal.”

“A deal you didn’t think to ask my opinion on?”

“Would you have said yes?”

“No!” I tried to steady my breathing but nothing was working.“Oh my god, oh my god, I’m getting married to someone I don’t know.”

“You do know him.”

“Not well enough to marry him! We’ve never even said hello to each other! I think I’m going to be sick. Pull over, please!”

The driver did what I asked, and I immediately jumped out. My legs began walking along the road, I didn’t even think about it. Tears were welling up in my eyes over my brother’s betrayal. What had I done to deserve this? John needed a wife, he had loads of kids that needed looking after, they worked. What if me and Bonnie didn’t? What if he was actually a horrible person? Tommy didn’t know him as well as he thought he did, they could be hiding anything.

“(Y/N), get back in the car please.”

“No! Why am I getting married for a deal? I’m not out of control, I’m not rowdy, I do what I’m told all the time and I’m nice to everyone! And this is what I get for following the rules, your rules?”

“I wouldn’t let you two marry if I thought he would hurt you. Bonnie is going to treat you well (Y/N), I know he is.”

“Am I going to have to live in a wagon?!”

His head tilted back as he sighed.“Fuck me. No, you’re not, you’ll be living in a house.”

“I can’t do it, Tommy, I can’t, I really can’t do this.”

“You have to, I have to keep my end of the bargain.”

“Do you know how angry I am with you?!”

“I think so.”

There were so many things I wanted to scream at him. Who else knew? Why did they let him do it? Who’s idea was it in the first place? I couldn’t though. My breathing was out of control, my eyes were stinging with tears, and loud sobs were coming out of my mouth.

Tommy gently put his hands on my shoulders, making me stand up straight.“We do things for this family, yeah? We go through hardships to make our family stronger. And I’m asking you (Y/N), please go along with this. If we can keep an alliance with the Gold’s, it will only bring us good. I wouldn’t ask you if I was desperate or if I didn’t think you could do it.”

I contemplated running away there and then. However, I wasn’t going to get far in these shoes. Home was too far away by now, the roads weren’t clear and if anyone recognised me, I could be dead within hours.

“I really have to do this, don’t I?”

Tommy nodded, cautiously wrapping an arm around me to slowly take us back to the car. For the rest of the drive I hung my head, staring at the pretty shoes I had picked for today. This was it. I was getting married. Married to a man I had only seen but never talked to, married to a man to settle a deal. My brother, who I trusted and loved, had thrown me to the dogs, not even glancing back to face the consequences of his actions; it was all to benefit him.

We pulled up at Tommy’s house. He explained that since this was a quick arrangement it was easier to hold the ceremony there, it was more personal, they knew it was safe. My stomach cramped up as I stepped inside, spotting the bouquet of flowers everywhere. They even fucking decorated. Ada and Polly were at the entrance, both looking as pissed off as I was. Unfortunately, Ada held my own bouquet in her hands.

“You can’t do this Tom. Just cancel it, go in there and say the wedding is off. She’s just a girl.” Ada spat.

“Ada.” Polly warned.

“You can’t go along with this Pol. She’s being forced into a marriage!”

Tommy cleared his throat.“Ada, Pol, please take your seats.”

“Hold on,” Pol pulled out her powder box from her purse, dabbing the brush on my face,“need that beautiful face of yours back.”

I knew she was trying to cheer me up, and clean me up so I would look like such a mess. It would all just stream off my face later. My hands shook as I held the flowers, the petals and leaves slightly rustling. Polly and Ada left hesitantly, shushing everyone in the hall where I assumed the ceremony was taking place.

“Are you going to be sick?” Tommy asked.

“Not sure.” I whispered.

“Just know that I hate this too. I wouldn’t-”

“Shut up Tommy.”

I never snapped at Tommy, or anyone really. But this called for it. I could have called him every nasty name under the sun there and then. When he held out his arm for me, I reluctantly took it, wishing I could sprint to the stables to steal a horse, ride off into the sunset. But it was too late, because the doors to the hall opened, and there everyone stood, watching intently as I walked down the aisle. I didn’t even have a proper wedding dress.

It felt like I had never worn heels before, I was wobbling all over the place. Bonnie looked miles away, though I was beside him in seconds. His family were here, my family sat on the opposite side. Tommy gingerly pressed a kiss to my cheek before going to sit down. And here I was, stood next to my soon to be husband. He kindly smiled at me, though I couldn’t bear to even look at him, eyes flickering away. I stared at Jeremiah who was officiating the wedding, the poor man must have thought I was evil the way I was looking at him.

The ceremony felt muffled, as if I couldn’t hear anything properly. Jeremiah waffled on, until we had to say our vows and exchange the rings. I focused so much on his words to not get them wrong, only realising that after we had said them to each other, that was it, we were now married.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.” Jeremiah announced.

Both our families clapped to fill the silence. Bonnie leaned down but I retracted out of instinct. He halted before moving again, slower this time, to kiss my cheek. Taking my hand in his, he walked us out of the hall, the doors closing behind us. I let out a shocked breath, looking at the ring on my finger. Bonnie went to speak.

“So, I-”

I snatched my hand out of his, scurrying to the kitchen to find a bottle of wine. I needed a drink, and a lot of it. I also wanted to get out of any awkward conversations that were about to ensue. There was way too much going on right now to start small talk.

Unfortunately he had followed me, watching as I popped open a bottle. I glanced at the glass in my hand, deciding to set it down and drink from the bottle.

“I’m not that bad am I?” Bonnie tried to joke.

I didn’t say anything, leaning back against the counter.

“Look, I’m sorry this has happened. We don’t know each other, back in there was the first time we’ve spoken, it’s a lot. But I want you to know that I’m going to look after you. We’ll go at your pace, whatever you’re comfortable with. I want us to be friends at least.”

He sounds genuine. When Bonnie first joined the Peaky Blinders, he hadn’t been overly cocky like some of the others. Of course he was a bit more boastful when it came to the ring, though that was all part of his image. And he was the only peaky boy to not try it on with me. Ironic.

“Sorry for just going in for the kiss too. I thought a small peck wouldn’t hurt.”

“It’s fine.” I mumbled, casting my eyes to the floor.

He took a few seconds before speaking again.“Never been much of a wine person.”

I looked up at him as he stood opposite to me, also leaning back in a countertop.

“Suppose that could change.” he held out his hand for the bottle, indicating that I pass it over.

He took a swig, scrunching up his face and coughing after. The corner of my mouth twitched at how silly he looked, but didn’t show him that.

“God, that is so sweet. How do you chug it back?”

“I don’t usually.” I squeaked out.“Just…just flet like I needed to.”

He passed the bottle back to me.“I won’t lie, I don’t exactly want my new wife to be drunk on our first night together.”

My eyes widened.

“No, not like that! Nothing is going to happen. I just meant, I would like to use this time to get to know you.”

I was being stubborn. I wanted to go against him, just to spite Tommy. But I was too shy, I couldn’t even hold eye contact with him.

“I’ll leave you alone for a bit. But please come up to the party, my family can’t wait to meet you.” he made his way to the door, stopping and turning around.“You look beautiful tonight.”

I didn’t let him see me blush, turning away as I drank more from the bottle. I hated how easily I was embarrassed. Boys tried flirting with me, though I knew that was because they wanted to say they had shagged a Shelby girl. Of course I knew their intentions, hence why I was still a virgin.

After a few more swigs, I knew I had to go back upstairs. Setting the almost finished bottle aside, I took a deep breath, adjusting the bottom of my dress, checking my face in a mirror before heading to see my family and new in-laws.

When I returned, everyone was gathered in the lavish front room. Music was playing, champagne was being handed out, and everyone seemed relatively happy chatting with one another. Finn, John and Adawere the only ones not mingling, scowling faces on them as they observed the others.

“(Y/N),” a man caught my attention, it was Bonnie’s father,“welcome to the family.”

I politely smiled.“Thank you sir.”

“Call me Aberama. I appreciate the manners though. And I understand you’re not entirely happy with this marriage.”

I glanced away from him.“But believe me when I say that Bonnie has been just as nervous. Although he is also very determined to ensure you are comfortable and feel like a part of the family.”

That was nice, I guess.

“He has multiple sisters who you might find easier to talk to rather than an old man.”

He raised his drink to me, smiling as he walked away. I really didn’t want to talk to anyone, scurrying to my three siblings who were most against this arrangement.

“You alright?” Finn draped his arm around my shoulders, and I quickly hugged him, clinging on.

I shook my head no.

“Of course she isn’t. This is all a big mistake, we should have come up with a plan to get her out of here.” Ada huffed.

John scoffed.“Oh yeah, that would have gone down a treat with both families.”

“You were just as much against it all as we were.”

“No one was for this marriage, well, besides Tom. But it’s done now, innit? I’ll just have to keep a special eye on the new in-law.”

“Can we stop talking about it please? Just talk about anything else.” I asked quietly, realising some of the others were looking over at us, and that made me incredibly nervous.

Before we even had a chance to change the topic, someone from Bonnie’s side of the family made her way over. I looked anywhere but her, until she was stood beside me. She was beautiful, probably around the same age as myself, though her confidence gave her a more mature look.

“I thought I would come over and introduce myself. I’m Esmeralda, one of Bonnie’s sisters.”

“Nice to meet you.”

Get a grip woman.

“There’s actually three of us, sisters I mean. Poor Bonnie didn’t have any brothers to rough around with. Though I suppose it is only you and Ada amongst all these men.”

Ada smiled at her, though you could tell it was out of sarcasm. I cringed, hoping Esmeralda hadn’t seen that.

“I was wondering if you wanted to join us?” she gestured to where her other sisters were, who waved.

“Um, yes.”

It sounded more like a question, but Esmeralda took that answer. I worriedly looked back to my own siblings, annoyed at my politeness. Where was my Shelby fire?

I sat by Esmeralda, the others sitting across from us. She instantly started up a conversation, it was easy to see she was fine around strangers. I only wished to half as confident as her. Her sisters also chimed in now and then, trying to involve me in the conversation. There was no talk about the wedding, just typical girly things; dresses, makeup, dances, they even spoke about their traditions. It slowly moved onto the topic of Bonnie, though past stories about him, tales of how he was as a child. I even managed to break out a smile.

“And obviously we’ll all be getting to know each other a bit better once we’re all moved in together.” Esmeralda exclaimed.

“S-sorry?”

Esmeralda and her sisters held a serious look, bursting out laughing a second later. I was confused, had I missed a joke?

“Sorry, I was trying to lighten the mood. Of course we’re not living with you two!”

“I don’t even know where we’re living.”

“Well, neither do we, but I’m sure your brother has sorted it.”

“Yeah…”

“Sorry, have I upset you?”

“No! No, I’m fine.” I was tempted to excuse myself, but I went against that. I was going to be social.“So, is there abythibg else I should know about Bonnie?”

Perhaps this was my way of getting to know my husband without actually talking to him. Even if it was a subconscious thing, I was getting information about him. And there didn’t seem to be a bad bone in his body unless he was in the ring, or defending his sisters from a man who had disrespected them, though that was more chivalrous.

“Sorry ladies, may I borrow my sister?” Tommy asked, gesturing for me to follow him.

I smiled at the girls, catching up with my brother who was making his way to his office, grabbing Bonnie on the way. I faltered when he stepped in line with me, not used to having a boy so close to me. Bonnie let me go first into the office, closing the door behind him. Tom nodded his head towards the two chairs at the desk, sitting behind it. We sat down, waiting to hear why he had brought us here.

“So, seeing as you two are married now, you’ll be needing a place of your own.” Tommy started.“And I have provided that for you.”

“No, Tommy, we couldn’t accept that.” I protested, feeling awkward about situations involving money.

“I agree Mr Shelby, that’s way too generous. You already let us get married in your house.”

“It’s my fault you two are married right now. And I just hope that I can gain back some trust and…” he glanced at me,“love, by doing this.”

I picked at the skin around my nails, a bad habit.“Are you sure Tommy? Nothing too big right?”

“No. It’s a new build but out in the country. You also have a big patch of land, I thought you might appreciate that Bonnie. It’s secluded, like this. Three bedrooms, kitchen, front room, all the other shit.”

“Thank you very much Mr Shelby.” Bonnie stood, reaching out his hand.

Tommy shook it, no expression on his face.

“Thanks Tom. I guess it’s a start to your apology.”

I felt guilty for saying that, but I wanted it to sting. He had really hurt me today, I wasn’t going to fall to his feet because he bought me a house.

Tommy then informed us that it was time for us to leave. He had one of his chauffeurs waiting, and everyone had followed us outside. They had rice to throw at us as we went to the car. In a way, I appreciated the effort they were putting in to make it seem like a happy occasion, I also found it demeaning. You’re now being forced to marry a man you don’t know, but here’s a pretty dress and some champagne.

“I don’t have anything with me.” I pointed out before I got in the car.

Polly stepped forward, quietly speaking so no one else would hear.“Tommy made Ada pack some of your things before she came here. Obviously she didn’t want to, but you need your clothes at least. I’ll be round with the rest of it soon love.”

Wow, they weren’t waiting around to get rid of me. Sadly getting into the car, I didn’t even acknowledge Bonnie as he opened and closed the door for me. Once Bonnie was inside the car, the chauffeur drove off. I coukd hear our families cheering for us, I didn’t bother looking back, whereas Bonnie was waving.

“You alright?” he asked softly.

I nodded, pressing my lips together as I looked away, trying to hold back my tears. Thankfully he left it at that, he knew I needed time to process everything.

The house Tommy got us was no where near the size of his, though I didn’t want that. It was still big for two people, and despite it being a new house, it had an old fashioned look to it. It had the feel of a farm house without the barn, different stones making the structure with vines growing all over it. I loved it, which was irritating because Tommy knew me so well.

“This is going to be strange.” Bonnie said as he helped the chauffeur with the bags.“Never lived in a house before.”

“Oh…hope you like it.”

It was a wonder why I never had a boyfriend.

I had wished that the chaffuer had taken more time with the bags. Because Bonnie was a gentleman, he insisted helping, and the task was completed far too quickly. Now it was just me and Bonnie, in our house, our house we loved in together as a married couple.

“Shall we take a look around? See what’s actually in our house?”

Bless him, he was trying so hard. I agreed, letting him lead as we checked each room. It was all furnished, there was even some food in the kitchen, soap and towels in the bathroom, any little things we wouldn’t have packed with us were provided. He was in awe of the place, I knew he was used to travelling to different places, it was just strange to see his expressions over a house.

“Your brother is very generous.”

“Yes, though I know why he’s given this to us.”

“To make up for marrying me?”

“No, well yes, but not in the way you said. Sorry Bonnie, you must think I’m horrible. It’s just…I’m really shy around new people, it took so much energy out of me talking to everyone today, not to mention the actual ceremony itself. I probably would have fainted if I wasn’t concentrating on acting normal.”

“I didn’t think you were horrible. I knew you were scared. I’m afraid your acting skills need some work.”

We had walked into one of the bedrooms as we spoke, my stomach dropping again. Was I going to have to share a bed with him? I had never done that before.

“Choose which room you like. I’ll sleep in another.” he said.

“Hm?”

“I’m not going to sleep in the same room as you, I wouldn’t put you under that pressure.”

“Oh, thank you. Then, you should choose.”

He smiled at me.“Fine, then I choose you having the master bedroom, and I shall go see what other room I prefer.”

I managed to smile back, bashful over how sweet he was being. That was a huge relief lifted off my chest. If he hadn’t mentioned anything before bedtime, I wouldn’t have said anything, I didn’t want to bring up topic.

We both got changed (separately) into something comfier, weirdly emerging from our rooms at the same time. Deciding it was time to eat, we rummaged through the kitchen cabinets to see what we could muster up. I took charge, seeing as Bonnie had only ever cooked over a fireplace.

“Sorry it’s not much, it’s bits and pieces really.” I set his plate down in front of him, thinking how much of a wife I looked right now.

“Thank you. Don’t worry, I’m sure it will be delicious. We can go shopping for food tomorrow if you want?”

That’s what couples do.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

We kept to our food, eating in silence. I tried to eat as quickly as I could, wanting this dreadful tension to lift and be over with. I felt terrible because he was trying so hard to be a good husband to me already, or just a good friend really. And here I was, not even able to eat a meal with him, he must have been dreading the rest of his life with me.

As he finished, I quickly stood to clear everything away, already starting to clean up as he protested. We still had a whole evening ahead of us, what were we supposed to do? I caught him moving in my peripheral vision, grabbing two wine glasses and the bottle of champagne gifted to us. He held them up to me.

“Fancy sharing a bottle?”

We were sat in the front room on opposite ends of the sofa, the lit fireplace crackling in front of us. Bonnie was casually facing me whilst I stared into the flames.

“You surprised me you know, when I first saw you.” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“When I first joined the blinders, I remember seeing you, and I obviously thought 'wow, she’s gorgeous’, though I knew to stay away.”

There I went, blushing again.

“But you weren’t like your family. You weren’t harsh or outspoken, you were so quiet. I’ve seen you around your family, I know you are different with them, and I get that I’m a complete stranger to you so it will be different. I just hadn’t expected a Shelby to be so….reclusive.”

“A lot of people say that.”

“That wasn’t me saying it’s a bad thing by the way!”

“It is a bad thing when you’re a Shelby. I’m not trusted to do anything within the business. This is the first time they’ve used me. And they didn’t even ask.”

“That’s a good thing though, isn’t it? About not being involved in the business?”

“I guess.”

“Let’s talk about something else, eh? Uh, why don’t you tell me…your favourite colour?”

“Favourite colour? Really?”

He laughed.“I need to get to know my wife don’t I?”

Although I had been answering his basic questions terribly (and boringly, I was just giving one word answers), Bonnie somehow made me open up to him. Not about anything deep or meaningful, just generic facts about my life; what I enjoy doing, funny anecdotes from my childhood, what I liked to do when I went out with friends. In turn, I began asking him questions. We were talking for hours, but we didn’t realise that until I happened to glance at the clock on the mantelpiece.

The next week still felt awkward. We slept in our separate rooms, trying to work our different routines to fit each other. Although we were able to talk to each other for more than two minutes, I was always trying to figure out what to talk about next. I didn’t want to be in a situation where we were stuck on what to say, I hated that. Looking back on it, I had never spoken to someone so much or so freely besides my family and my small handful of friends.

Both of our families came to visit us. Polly and Ada stayed for a day, mostly catching up but also helping me make the house feel more homely. Aberama only came some mornings to get Bonnie, doing whatever work for my brother, though he always made sure to say hello. Bonnie was gone for a majority of the day, luckily I liked being by myself. Surprisingly, Esmeralda also came for a visit.

“Lovely flowers.” she pointed out as we sat in the kitchen, each with a cup of tea.

“Bonnie got them for me.”

“Did he?” she smirked.“He’s a sweetheart isn’t he?”

I couldn’t help but shyly smile.“Yes, it was a lovely gesture.”

“A romantic gesture. He may be a tough man and a fighter but he’s a big sofite really.”

I hummed in agreement.

“Are you alright? How have you two been over the last month?”

I wanted to say that although I did like Bonnie, I knew I was lucky to be in an arranged marriage with him and not some fifty year old, slimy man, I didn’t want her to get excited at the thought we might already be in love.

“I won’t lie, it’s been slow. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy Bonnie’s company, it’s just…everyday when I wake up, I still get a little confused at the ring on my finger, then in a second I remember I’m married.”

“Yeah, that’s never going to be something you can easily forget I guess.”

“And I’m not being rude about your brother. Bonnie has been amazing, he’s kept his boundaries, made sure I felt respected. But, your wedding day is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. Choosing your dress, what hair and makeup you want, the venue, the cake, it’s all part of it. I didn’t even have a proposal.”

“Oh (Y/N).”

“And when those doors open, you’re supposed to look down the aisle and see your soul mate waiting for you. You both smile and start crying because the day has finally come. I had none of that. I’ll never have any of that.”

She placed her hand over mine.“I think over time, you and Bon will learn to love each other. And as frustrating as that is, I believe it will happen.”

Esmeralda was a huge comfort. I felt better after talking with her than I did my family. I guessed that it was because she was a new person to talk to, I didn’t know what she was going to say, so I wasn’t listening to the same dribble I was used to.

It was like any other evening when Bonnie came home. I was reading a book in the front room, sprawled out on the sofa. He called out as he entered the house, I replied but didn’t move. He was rustling around in the kitchen, things were being moved around, cupboards opening and closing. Perhaps he was hungry and needed a snack before dinner. I left him to it for a few more seconds, deciding to investigate when he didn’t stop.

Just as I was about to walk into the kitchen, Bonnie blocked the doorway, trying to use his whole body to limit my view.

“Hi.” he said breathless.

“Hello. Um, are you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, just…just doing…something.”

Whenever I tried to look around him, he moved in my way.

“If you’ve broken something Bonnie, I don’t mind. I’d rather help clean it up.”

“No, nothing like that. Could you just…jist trust me?”

I looked up at him, thinking about it.

“Please?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Is it alright if you wait in front room? It’s nothing bad, I promise.”

I turned around, glancing back at Bonnie before I returned to the sofa and my book. What was he doing? Was he trying to cook? It was sweet if he was, though when we had cooked together before he was never this clumsy. I couldn’t ignore the racket coming from the kitchen, unable to concentrate on any of the words in my book.

“Bonnie? Are you sure you’re OK in there?” I shouted out to him.

“Yeah!” he quickly replied. Only moments later was he in the front room, a huge grin on his face.“If you would like to follow me to your surprise.”

“Surprise?”

He nodded, holding out his hand to me. I took it, letting him guide me back to the kitchen. The lights were off, the only source of light was coming from a few candles in the centre of the table, more dotted around the kitchen too. There were two plates with nothing in them, instead, there were different foods on scattered on the table like a picnic.

“Bonnie?”

He stood in front of the table.“I spoke with my sister the other day. I wasn’t snooping, I just wondered how you were with her, if you told her something about me that I needed to change. She told me how upset you were that you couldn’t experience your wedding day properly, and I thought I could help with that. So, I asked Ada and Pol what your favourite food was, all types, and I thought we could have a romantic dinner together. ”

I was gobsmacked. A man who was forced into marrying me, who didn’t know me, had put all this effort into a dinner together, something no other man would probably do.

“You did this for me?”

“Yeah. You deserve it. You deserve a lot more really, but I’m still learning to cook other recipes besides rabbit stew.”

I giggled.

“I hope you don’t mind, but they also told me how you’ve never been on a date before.”

That wasn’t embarrassing at all.

“And I want you to know, that’s because of you brothers. Men tremble at their feet, what do you think teenage boys are going to be like? But I am very honoured to be the first man to take you on a date.”

“This is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me. I’m shocked, honestly.”

He pulled out a chair for me, and I sat, feeling giddy. Bonnie tucked me in, taking a seat beside me before pouring out a glass of wine for me. My mind argued with itself over my next choice, but I bit the bullet. I confidently leaned over, very quickly pecking his lips. I couldn’t look at him when I next spoke.

“Thank you Bonnie. And thank you for being the best husband.”

“Well thank you for being the best wife.”

“What have I done to be a good wife?”

“Just being you.”

‘This was supposed to be different.’-Finn Shelby x Reader

(GIF credit to @siriuslyshewrote)

MASTERLIST

Requested by anonymous:'Hi! If you are taking requests can I ask for Finn Shelby and numbers 13, 18 and 19 from the prompt list? My mind went from wanting something romantic to let’s create chaos with Finn and try and fail to hide it from his family lol’

Characters: Finn Shelby x Reader, mentions of Shelby family

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

(Y/L/N)=Your last name

Warnings:Swearing, arguing, fluff

13) Well, this is romantic

18) Everyone is staring

19) They definitely heard us

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

(Y/N) held back a sigh as she felt another large drop of water hit her head, shivering in the cold despite being wrapped up in a coat and having her boyfriend’s arms around her. She didn’t want to upset Finn, he had tried really heard, but she just wasn’t having a good time.

“Well, this romantic.” (Y/N) tried to lighten the mood.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t even think about the weather.”

Finn had showed up at (Y/N)’s door that morning, having planned a spontaneous picnic date. She had been delighted, he was so cute with his basket of food and blanket wrapped under his arm. But only minutes after they found a spot, settling down and digging into the sandwiches, the rain started to pour. They haphazardly picked up the blanket with the food and basket inside, running for the shelter of the trees, which wasn’t doing much in keeping them dry.

“Finn, I don’t think the rain is going to stop.”

“It might. Let’s give it another five minutes.”

“You said that fifteen minutes ago.”

“Do you want to go home?”

She nodded.“I appreciate this my love, but I don’t think we should stay out in the rain, we’ll get cold.”

She didn’t like seeing how down he was about this. It wasn’t his fault that the rain came, he just hadn’t thought to check the weather. (Y/N) smiled up at him, pulling his face towards hers by the back of his neck, and kissing him. She was happy to see him smile back, standing up and offering a hand out to him before they ran back to the car.

It was almost as if the weather was mocking the couple, because when they returned to Small Heath the sun was shining. Finn whined and moaned, making his girlfriend laugh. Instead of heading home, Finn took a sharp turn, making (Y/N) grab onto the inside of the car. She had no idea where he was going, he wouldn’t tell her. He parked up by the side of the road by a field, getting out without a word.

“And what are we doing now?” (Y/N) asked as he opened her door.

“Well, we need to finish our picnic.”

“I suppose we do. You know what, Finn?”

“What?”

“You really are a hopeless romantic.”

Luckily the couple were able to spend the rest of the afternoon finishing their food in the sun. They were so incredibly loved up, and although you could say it was young love, there was definitely a slither of maturity in them both that reflected off of each other. They both found that they had been thinking more about their futures since they decided to become serious. Of course both had though about marriage, what sort of house they might want to live in, basic ideas of their future, but that was before they had each other. The couple had been so giddy and bashful the first time they spoke about the topic of their possible future; the idea of being with each other everyday was very exciting.

The only problem was that the rest of the Shelby’s didn’t actually know about (Y/N). This had nothing to do with Finn being ashamed of her, or wanting to hide what they had. They never asked for one, they never even asked Finn how his day was. And when he finally tried to speak up about it, his family only spat back at him, saying to marry a woman who didn’t like the life, or tease about how he was still a virgin and was making this up to make them think otherwise. He stopped trying, he was happy with his relationship as it was, why let his family ruin it?

(Y/N) had been hurt at first, for quite a while actually. She thought Finn was lying. Her friends had always said about how much boys lie just so they could have their way with you. But Finn wouldn’t be taking her out on dates, getting her presents or simply just talking to each other if he wanted a quick shag. He was a Shelby, it was easy for him. And that was another thing that worried (Y/N). If the family didn’t like her, and Finn chose them over her, he could easily have another girl on his arm within a day. She didn’t voice her opinion a lot (which she should have done), she knew it was hard being part of the Shelby family. However, her love for him was indescribable, (Y/N) had had silly crushes in the past, been out with a few boys but she never felt the way she did about Finn with any of them.

After Finn dropped (Y/N) home, the hardest part of any day, his whole demeanor changed. He didn’t want to see his moody family after such a pleasant day. He also wished he could boast about his gorgeous girlfriend. They would love her if they gave (Y/N) the chance.

“Where have you been?” Polly asked as soon as he stepped through the door.

Finn sighed as he took off his coat and hat.“Out with my mates.”

“A likely story. Come on, your brothers are waiting."ct4

Of course they were, it was no doubt a family meeting. He slumped towards the front room, falling back into the spare spot on the sofa.

"Here he is, fucking finally.” Arthur bellowed.

“No one told me there was a meeting.”

“You weren’t even nearby, no one could find you. Where were you?”

“I just told Pol, I was with my friends.”

Tommy huffed.“It doesn’t matter where he’s been. Let’s get on with it.”

As they began the meeting, Finn could feel and the doom and gloom seeping into himself. It was so depressing here sometimes. He knew he should he grateful for what his brothers provided them with but it didn’t come without danger. If he wasn’t so sure (Y/N) could handle herself (and his family) he wouldn’t have started dating her. He realised he had to keep her safe, teach her a few things about self defence, which he had prayed wouldn’t scare her off.

“Whatever girl you’re seeing, forget about her.” Polly told Finn after the meeting.

Not this again.

“Why don’t any of you ever believe what I say?”

“Because your smile wiped off your face as soon as you stepped into the house. And you don’t smile like that around your 'mates’.”

“Alright, so if I have a girl, why should I do what you say? What if we’re happy together?”

“She likes being with a Shelby, it’s the name, Finn.”

“So no one will like me for me, right?”

“No, Finn I didn’t mean-”

Finn brushed past her and headed upstairs.“Night Pol.”

He was restless that night, tossing and turning but finding no peace. He felt slightly bad for how he spoke to his aunt, but she could sometimes be just as bad as the others. All he wanted to do was see (Y/N), then he would be at comfort.

Finn wouldn’t have to wait as long as he thought. The next morning he was alone in the house until someone knocked on the door. Not a lot of people would have the nerve to knock on a Shelby’s door, making him cautious. When he slowly opened the door to see (Y/N) he was both surprised and ecstatic to see her.

“What are you doing here love?” he asked with a grin on his face.

“If you weren’t smiling, I would have been offended at that question.”

“Sorry, but you know you shouldn’t have come without telling me.”

It had become a rule to not meet at Finn’s house, in case his family saw her before him and scared her off, or were just plain rude to her.

“Well, I had to return this.” she held up his pocket watch.“Found in beside mum’s flower bed.”

Finn took it from her, he hadn’t even realised he lost it.“Oh, thanks. What would I do without you?”

He leaned down to peck her on the lips, noticing her smile dropped slightly when they pulled away.

“(Y/N), what’s wrong? I know when you’re sad.”

“I just wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Fuck, you’re not pregnant are you?”

“No! Can I please come inside?”

Finn glanced behind him, despite no one else being home. They wouldn’t be back for a few hours, he was safe. Standing back, he gestured for her to step inside, watching as she looked around the place. She had never seen the inside of Finn’s house before, trying to take it all in, in case the opportunity never came again.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Finn asked as they sat down in the front room.

She saw him clutching at the watch, bouncing his knee. He was nervous.

“I’ve just been thinking about a lot of things to do with us.”

Shit, was his worst fear coming true?

“Us? Has my family said something to you?”

“No, and that’s the problem.”

“What?”

“Finn, we’ve been together for a while now. And I understand I’ve not properly met your family due to some circumstances, but it’s not normal.”

“My family aren’t normal.”

“And I understand that, but…I feel like you’re trying to hint at something.”

“If you’re on about me not wanting you around anymore then you’re completely wrong. I don’t want to subject you to their nastiness. They literally don’t give two shits about me anymore, so they won’t care about you. I’m sorry (Y/N), that’s just the way my fucked up family is.”

“Maybe if we show them how serious we are, talk about our plans, they might listen. They’ll see you as a grown up.”

“And if they’re not? If they don’t care about us and are disrespectful to you?”

“I don’t care. We have to at least try.”

Finn ran a hand down his face, contemplating what she was saying. He knew what she meant, it wasn’t fair that he was hiding her away. It wasn’t fair that he had met her family and spent time with them and not even attempted to introduce her. He was just so scared of losing her, he could see his family ruining it all for him.

“I…I don’t know (Y/N).”

She stood out of frustration, raising her voice.“Why not? How would you feel if I hid you away from my family? I always have to lie when people ask have I met the famous Shelby family. My parents think I’ve met them too. I didn’t want them to get angry with you. But now, it’s starting to get to me, I just don’t think it’s fair.”

“You know the situation I’m in. And you’ve also got to think, do you really want this? Do you want to be stuck with a disfunctional family that are a ruthless gang, with enemies everywhere they step?”

“Yes! Because I have you, Finn! If I didn’t love you so much then I would have left a long time ago!”

Finn heard all too familiar voice outside, panic instantly setting it. Without a word, he grabbed (Y/N)’s hand, pulling her upstairs. She almost toppled over as she struggled to keep up with his long legs, stumbling through to Finn’s bedroom. He closed the door, not slamming in as to not alert his family. He was breathing heavily, listening to his family walking into the house, muffled voices telling him there were multiple people inside.

“What the hell Finn? You’re literally hiding me away from your family!”

“It’s a lot to think about!” he harshly whispered.

“Finn, if you loved me then none of this would matter. I understand you’re hesitant to tell your family-”

“Well clearly you don’t understand, because you wouldn’t keep nagging me about it.”

“Nagging you? Nagging you?! I’m asking for a simple thing Finn. If we’re going to have the future together that we planned, I’ll have to meet them at some point.”

“We’ll just leave, we won’t see them. It’s not like they’ll care.”

“I can’t make you do that Finn, as sweet as that is. I don’t want to run from them. I want them to be part of our lives.”

“You might change your mind after you meet them.”

“So I will be meeting them?”

“That’s all you took from that?”

“I’m actually getting angry Finn, I don’t want us to argue.”

“What have we been doing for the last ten minutes?”

“What if I told them myself? What if I go down there right now? And you can tell everyone how I’m just a girl you’re sleeping with, you can make up a lie because that’s what you would do. You wouldn’t even admit it!”

“I would never say that about you!”

“I’m going home, Finn. I’ll talk to you when you remember I’m your girlfriend who you’re supposed to love.”

Finn immediately blocked the door. (Y/N) huffed, frowning at him.

“You’re not just my girlfriend now.”

“What?”

Finn made a beeline for his bedside table, angrily opening the drawer and taking something out of it. (Y/N) couldn’t see what it was as he had his back to her. She watched as he took a deep breath, shoulders relaxing slightly before he turned around.

“This was supposed to be different. I know I’ve been a shit boyfriend. I know you’re upset about not meeting my family. I am not ashamed of you, I couldn’t be prouder of you and I love to show you off. You’re gorgeous, you’re perfect, I’m incredibly lucky to be able to call you mine. Not only that, but you’re so caring, you look after me, even after I come in after a stupid gun fight which I never tell you about, but that will change. I need to let you into my life more, you deserve to know what’s happening. And I’m sorry for making you upset, you have every right to be mad at me. I want to change all that, and to prove my love for you,” he lowered down onto one knee, producing a ring box from behind his back, opening it to reveal the engagement ring (Y/N) had desired,“I need to ask you something. (Y/N) (Y/L/N), will you marry me?”

(Y/N) had started crying as soon as he got down on one knee, overwhelmed with happiness. She was in hysterics as she screamed 'yes’ over and over, jumping up and down. He laughed as he slipped the ring on her finger, scooping her up into his arms. They hugged tightly, kissing each other multiple times and passionately. After a few minutes, he set her back down, sharing one last kiss.

“They definitely heard us.” (Y/N) giggled.

“They definitely heard you.”

They were both correct when they heard movement downstairs, soon after footsteps coming upstairs. Finn sighed, he had to face them now.

“Finn,” it was Tommy,“finish off with the girl, pay her dues and send her on her way.”

Finn was instantly fuming at his brother’s words. How dare he talk about (Y/N) in that way?! Without thinking, he threw open the door, Polly was also there.

“Don’t talk about (Y/N) like that ever again! She is not a whore, she is not having sex with me for money. (Y/N) is my fiance, and I am going to marry her. No, she’s not pregnant, I’ve proposed because I want to spend the rest of my life with her. So she’s going to be a Shelby, and you’re going to give her the respect she deserves. ”

Polly glanced back at the young girl, looking her up and down. She had to admit, the girl wasn’t backing down. She was looking strong, and not intimidated.

“Are you fucking serious?” Tommy mumbled.

“Yes. Meet (Y/N) (Y/L/N), soon to be (Y/N) Shelby, your sister-in-law.”

“Whatever. Bring her downstairs.”

Tommy turned around, Polly following after him, but not without another glance at the couple.

(Y/N) had appreciated Finn sticking up for her. It was so sweet, he had proven his love, though not exactly in the way they wanted; but they realised it didn’t really matter how he proposed, they just wanted to be together and that was enough.

“Shit, am I really going down there to meet them?” (Y/N) suddenly grew nervous.

“You had some big balls earlier, backing out now?” Finn teased.

“Stop, this is serious.”

“I’ll be beside you the whole time. You’re my girl, you always will be.”

Finn kept a tight hold of her hand as they made their way downstairs. He could feel her hands getting clammy, quickly placing a kiss on the back of it. He knew she would be fine, she was strong, but her being nervous meant she cared.

As they entered the front room, they saw Thomas, Polly, Arthur and John. God, it was all of them. They sat on the only sofa available.

“Everyone is staring.” (Y/N) subtly whispered.

“Let them. You’re a fucking Shelby now, you’re family and you’re mine.”

➴ Summary:In which Tommy has to wait to catch up with her.

➴ Pairing:Tommy Shelby / fem!reader (3rd POV).

➴ Warnings:Angst, rape and abuse mentions, death.

➴ Wordcount:2.9K

➴ Tagged:@angelaiswriting

➴ Author Note:Proof-reading is for the weak. Enjoy!

Act 1: Childhood.

Thomas is no older than six, that makes her five. Like his shadow, she’s found behind him at all times; silent and reserved, it seems no one can make her live but him.

She holds his hand, scared of the great beast that, tall and proud, stands before her holding her stare. Horses are beautiful animals and she has a fascination for them, but their size (and teeth) scares her. Thomas has been helping his uncle with them, so laughs, squeezing her hand. There’s no need to be afraid, so long as he’s there with her.

“It won’t eat me, right?” (Y/N) speaks in that soft voice that’s so characteristic of her it makes Thomas blush. He shakes his head, no. She places all her trust in him, taking a step towards the horse and raising her free hand to pet it, not once letting go of Thomas.

She feels the soft fur under her hand; she caresses him as Thomas has taught her: using slow and confident strokes, and tons of respect. At first, she’s nervous - it’s too tall an animal that can kill her with a simple kick, but it allows her to touch him, even lowers with head (which makes it a lot easier for her, given her stature) and she soon relaxes and laughs, daring to kiss him. The horse (that she learns is named Ironheart), nuzzles against her head.

Behind her, Thomas observes and studies her; the delicate features that come to life with a simple smile, no matter big or small, how she scrunches up her nose when she’s rapturous. He isn’t able to express how it makes him feel, still too much a kid for words of devotion, but hopes that time will teach him to do it. As in now, all he knows is that there’s both calm and excitement on his heart when he does so little as think of her, and that’s a feeling he has no desire to ever let go of. Thomas relishes the happiness she brings, the same one he wishes he makes her experience.

It’s impossible in their minds that this moment - this feeling, can ever end.

(Y/N) turns around, the sunlight strokes her cheek and makes her hair shine. Before he thinks of what he’s doing - even if he does, what can he do? He’s a child, and it’s just a touch- he’s mimicking the sun, the softness of her skin makes his hand tremble.

“Can I…” Thomas sentence dies almost before it begins, his voice lost somewhere in the back of his throat as (Y/N) melts into his touch.

However, she somehow knows what he wants and nods, swallowing the raging butterflies at the pit of her stomach that are making her tremble too. She straightens her back, takes a step towards him. Thomas is close to fainting- her everlasting touch is all that can calm him down in this moment. Her mother often tells her a kiss is a sign of love and affection, and that when she’s older she will be kissed. It is, though, while she’s still a child that it happens; Thomas takes a step forward, his hand falls from her face to her hips and, as he’s seen his father do rather often, he lowers and tilts his head. (Y/N) takes a breath before their lips connect; as she exhales, his touch is gone, leaving her in confusion and satisfaction, and with the hope he’ll dare to kiss her more often.

(Y/N) covers her mouth, even though it is impossible to hide the smile that threatens to rip her skin apart. Her face is red as if she had just run from the hills down to the canal, just as breathless too, but still smiling, still standing on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek in gratitude.

She lets go of his hand, then, running outside. Thomas is forced to follow her laugh; her frame gone before he can even react. He laughs, shaking his head before he runs after her; knowing he can catch up with ease but giving her the advantage she wants, and he does this because he’s being taught to be a gentlemen, let women win and respect them, and because he knows in his heart that no matter how fast she goes, he’ll catch up with her.

Always.

Act 2: Teenagers.

It’s a cold, late-October night; the skies are dark and threatening, some lightning illuminates the streets as the storm approaches Small Heath. Thomas tightens his coat and fastens his pace; his left hand going into his pocket to find shelter from the cold - and to ensure the small, green velvet box is still in there. His breath condenses as it leaves his lips, creating a cloud of white smoke so thick it is difficulting his sight. 

None of that matters, though, because tonight is the night his life is going to change forever and he can’t contain his happiness. A weak voice in the back of his head prepares him for a rejection he knows will never come, as he reminiscences the previous night; the heat of her skin against his, the wetness, the sounds, the elation as he emptied himself inside her. Just the thought of it makes it difficult to walk, his cock twitching on his trousers as hard as his heart is beating against his chest.

Thomas takes a breath and steadies himself, raising his fist to knock on her door. He can hear her parents arguing, some furniture being hit. His thoughts change trail when she opens the door; gown too thin for autumn but that allows him to see underneath. Thomas swallows, hoping she hasn’t noticed how his gaze has roamed her entire frame, spending a little longer at her breasts. (Y/N) has, of course, noticed, however she’s a lot better at hiding her feelings as he is, and she drowns her satisfaction and pride. She smiles at him, for him, stepping outside and throwing herself at his arms. He catches her, wrapping his coat around her frame, shielding her from the cold wind that hits.

Perhaps he should’ve chosen another night - a night in which her father isn’t drunk and upset, but if he had to wait for that, then he’ll never do what he’s come to do.

“Something wrong?” Her voice calls him, soothes him, ensures him.

He shakes his head, “no,” he tells her. Nothing can be wrong when she’s here - but that’s something he thinks to himself, smiling as he leans down to kiss her.

“(Y/N),” her father calls at the door. He’s not upset, just worried. It’s cold, too cold outside, in her nightgown she’s asking to freeze to death. “Hello, Thomas. Please come inside.”

Thomas shakes her father’s hand, letting her go in first and keeping a respectable distance. It doesn’t matter if he’s seen them kiss; (Y/N) is still his daughter, this is still his house, and Thomas is still the man that hopes her father approves of.

Once inside she sits next to her, with her parents sitting on the couch across, doing their best to ignore the fight that was taking place mere minutes ago, though still looking upset and uncomfortable of being so close to one another. It gets Thomas thinking; none of his thoughts positive. He remembers a time the couple in front of him were the happiest, even his mother had been jealous of their happiness. All of that seemed to be gone now, vanished in resentment and growing hate that tears their household apart. He looks at (Y/N), soft frown decorating his face, making him look older - is that their fate, too? 

Thomas can’t imagine a future in which he doesn’t worship her, but the fear is now there. It’s there and it’s strong, and he’s starting to think he’s made a mistake coming here tonight. His hand finds itself inside his pocket again; Thomas can’t help but notice how the weight of the box has increased and it’s almost forcing him to sit in place.

His fear increases when she turns her head to look at him and smiles - her smile is turning sad and broken and insincere. Although he knows it’s all in his mind, it’s provoking his heart to skip beats in an unnatural, unpleasant manner. A hammer hits the back of his head, a voice is telling him to run if what waits for him is a limited time of happiness and an afflicted life. The memories of the previous night are no longer strong enough to keep him sane, and he’s letting go before he has the chance to stop himself.

(Y/N)’s mother is the one to break the uncomfortable silence that’s formed, forcing him to turn his head towards her. “What brings you here tonight, Thomas?”

As his hands find rest on his lap, all thoughts of making her his wife are gone, the wind carries them somewhere else. “I was helping Charlie with the horses, preparing them for the storm, and thought I could take a few minutes to see (Y/N).” His answer pleases her parents, but she’s seen right through him and his lies.

“I must be leave, though. Aunt Pol will be upset if I don’t arrive before the storm breaks.” One truth, isn’t that enough?

(Y/N) walks him up to the door, opening it for him. Thomas does kiss her, makes it last. Her touch almost makes him react and be brave. Almost.

Thomas never thought of himself as a coward, but tonight he’s discovered a new side of him.

Act 3: Gone.

It’s during a warm summer morning that he receives the news. He’s walking with Greta when John and Freddie appear running, screaming his name. John’s face is red and swollen, with tears still running down his skin and meeting the ground within seconds. Freddie is doing his best to appear tougher, hoping this might help John calm down.

A knot has formed at the pit of Thomas’s stomach; it’s boiling hot and expanding, like iron. He hears the words before his friend can speak them.

Thomas lets go of Greta’s arm, walking - running, past all three of them. He isn’t thinking, but he doesn’t need to to know where he has to go. His feet take him to (Y/N)’s house.

Ada and Finn are outside: Pol and Arthur inside, speaking with a copper. Thomas sees that (Y/N)’s husband is surrounded, six coppers circling him, guns in hand. Ignoring the different and numerous voices that ask him not to, he steps inside; last time he did it, he was going to ask her to be his wife, and left her house as a coward.

She’s on the floor, blood all around her. Her stomach is open, a knife lies next to her. He can see some of her nails are missing and her right leg is broken, like her dress and underwear. Her skin is pale but it has bruises all over it, the biggest one decorates her cheek. She lies on her back, looking at the kitchen’s window, seeing nothing. Her eyes are made of dull, old glass that doesn’t let the light pass through, and her half-open lips welcome no air.

Thomas kneels besides her, afraid to disturb her peace.

Peace, is that what he’s calling it? She isn’t at peace, she’s fucking dead.

She lies dead before him and it’s all his fault, and not a single part of him can bring himself to realize he’s not the one that’s killed her, he would’ve saved her if he could. However, that’s what is burning him from inside out - he could’ve. If that night he hadn’t let the image of two old, resentful people cloud his mind and judgment and instead of leaving her house in a rush he had asked his father permission to propose, if he had proposed right then and there, then she wouldn’t lie dead on the floor right now. She’d be on his arms, laughing, telling him how much she loves the sun and begging him to walk just for another five minutes. Instead of that he left her house, and the next morning he was fucking Greta and two other girls. He might have not been the one to stab her, but the bastard that has had the chance to do it because Thomas gave it to him, served in a silver plate.

“Thomas,” Pol calls him. Her voice is soft and delicate, and she rests her hand on his shoulder as she does so. “Thomas… the … she has to be taken now.”

“What happened?”

Neither Pol nor Arthur answer him, but coppers are not as smart and one of them - the one that seems to be in charge, explains the situation to him.

“Her husband beat her up, broke her leg and a few ribs. Bastard bound her to the floor, then raped her. After he was done, he stabbed her. He claims she was pregnant with another man’s child, but our doctor has found no traces of such. He’s going to the rope for this.”

Rope? No, Thomas is not going to give him that chance.

Arthur is supposed to stop him but he doesn’t - he sees his little brother doing his best to not fall apart and, instead of reasoning with him, he asks the coppers to give him room. Thomas, that has never been a violent man before, once again finds something new about himself as his feet take him outside her house, and his fists fall over and over again against the face of the bastard that has taken her from him, his laugh haunts him, it echoes in his head, hand in hand with his words.

His bloodied mouth doesn’t stop him from winning a battle Thomas didn’t even know he was fighting in the first place. “She called for you, hoping you would save her. Where were you, Tommy? Where were you?” 

Where were you, Tommy?

His laugh is still heard, even after Thomas has blown his head off.

Act 4: Home.

Nothing can save Thomas now, no one can ask him to live. He has made their lives difficult and sad, this is the right choice. He pulls the trigger.

He wakes up and expects to find Grace waiting for him - and he’s almost sure he can make out her figure in the distance, but there’s someone else blocking the view, someone he still dreams of even when he’s awake.

“You feel better now, after abandoning them?” (Y/N) speaks, nodding somewhere behind him.

Thomas turns around - Pol, Finn, Arthur, Ada and Lizzie, and his children, all are in a waiting room. It breaks his heart to see his children cling onto Lizzie for dear life, the tears difficulting their breathing. Arthur is shaking, keeping it together. Pol comforts Finn, and Ada tries to find comfort on her son’s arms.

“Come, we don’t have a lot of time.”

He doesn’t hesitate and follows her. Walking from his mansion to the canals the two would spend hours at, (Y/N) walks in front of him. She’s as beautiful as he remembered - and he’s thankful she doesn’t look like the last time he saw her.

Thomas calls her name, but she doesn’t stop on her tracks. He has to pick up his pace to catch up with her. He does, though, catch up with her.

“Shouldn’t we have all the time in the world?”

It’s a stupid question - perhaps she means he’s going to hell, as he deserves, and she has to return to her place in heaven. However, if that’s the case, then she’s come here to greet him, to see him. Thomas wants to wrap his arms around her, hold her, and as selfish as it is, bring her to hell with him, if that means spending a thousand eternities with her.

(Y/N) laughs, though, at last stopping at the cut. “No, we don’t. You’re going back.” Is he? He doesn’t want to. “It doesn’t matter. It’s not about what we want, but what we have to do. You have to go back, fix the things that are broken and care for them. Arthur, Finn and Ada can’t lose another brother, Pol can’t lose another nephew, and those kids can’t lose their father. If I had to bet, I’d bet Lizzie can’t bear to lose her husband, either, no matter how much of a dick he might be to her sometimes.”

“Alone?” Oh, there is it. It’s so sweet and terrible at the same time. It begins in the back of his head and travels to his eyes; he never thought such burn would bring him so much joy. It is sooner than he expects that he’s crying. However, in front of her, he allows himself to.

She nods. Of course he must return alone - she’s been gone for more than a decade, she is nothing but bones that rest underground now.

Her arms fall around his shoulders - she’s a head shorter than him still, and has to tilt her head back in order to look at his face. Thomas wraps his own arms around her waist, feeling as if he’s reminiscing one of his memories. She’s not upset, she’s not resentful. She exudes an aura of love and forgiveness he doesn’t deserve, but he lets himself drown in it. Then, he is apologizing: for being a coward, for letting her go, for not saving her. He apologizes for things he never even did to her, and she listens, and nods, and comprehends.

“You’re forgiven, Tommy.” He feels her lips, he breathes in the air she gives him. “I love you.” 

Thomas lives from now on with the hope the next time he sees her, it’s the right time to catch up with her.