#piecemeal
This is the last issue of the Kings of Pain crossover, and for the finale we get a real coup de grace of a cover. A pile of dead X-Factor characters lying in Piecemeal’s bloated energy crotch. You know what, ever since this crossover started I’ve had no idea what the title was referring to. Who are the Kings of Pain? Is it Piecemeal’s abusive mother, Harness? Is it the government agents attempting to resurrect Proteus? Is it the shadowy chess-masters who I haven’t even posted about because all of their scenes are super boring? No, it’s this. It’s a bunch of dead superheroes swimming in Piecemeal’s crotch. This is the Kings of Pain. (X-Factor Annual #6 – 1991)
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This … is an amazing plan. In order to stop Harness from using Piecemeal to continue to syphon mystical energy out of the air, Moira has Multiple Man make a bunch of copies of himself to hold Piecemeal down with sumo holds and then she runs out there with those little paddles and she tries to drain his energy. As you can imagine, this doesn’t work.
Honestly! That’s like trying putting out a house fire with a spray bottle of Windex! Isn’t Moira supposed to be a scientific genius? This was the best plan she could come up with?? Honestly. Then, when Warpath punches Harness in the face and knocks her helmet off revealing she’s a woman, she INSTANTLY goes from being a verbally and physically abusive thug to a caring mother.
Do you writers seriously think I haven’t read the last 100 pages of this story??? I can remember that she was acting totally different five minutes ago!! Fuck’s sake.
And then this leads to Proteus being reborn because Piecemeal had been consuming the energy that got spread out all over the world when the X-Men defeated Proteus way back in Uncanny X-Men #128. All of this mealy-mouthed storytelling just leaves me with tedious questions. Like, why was this mother torturing her kid?? And why did she seem to be enjoying it so much?? And do you seriously think we forgot about that because it just happened in the last god damned issue!! (X-Men Annual #15 – 1991)
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I look at these panels and I think, only in the comics. Look at that poor guy! At what point does an energy parasite have a cardiac event? He’s getting so bloated, his skin is starting to boil like Roughouse when he got leprosy (I didn’t actually cover that comic for my blog, I quit reading Wolverine at issue #10 and I don’t remember the exact reason why Roughouse looked like that, but I’m pretty sure it was leprosy). As I was reading this I was thinking, man this guy is probably going to barf soon and that actually happens at the end of this comic but instead of cheerios and gatorade he barfs out Proteus. It’s pretty cool. (X-Men Annual #15 – 1991)
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